


How to Fit Your Heart in a Petri Dish

by f0rt1ss1m0



Series: Beach City's a Landlocked Farm Town [2]
Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Additional Warnings in Chapter Notes, Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Human, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Anxiety, Asexuality Spectrum, Depression, F/F, Falling In Love, First Dates, First Kiss, Queerplatonic relationship, Teenage Drama, a john green novel with lesbians, ace!amethyst, aro!peridot, cheesy trope hell
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-14
Updated: 2017-10-15
Packaged: 2018-05-06 06:58:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 34
Words: 182,426
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5407307
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/f0rt1ss1m0/pseuds/f0rt1ss1m0
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>-</p><p>"Love isn't something you DEFINE, Peri. You can't just read about it in a book and say you know what it is. It's different for you, it's different for me, and you need to explore it for yourself. Try it. Take a chance at it, and maybe, maybe you won't like it, but maybe you'll find that it's not too bad."</p><p>-</p><p>Peridot Chen Sun, a socially defunct foster child of the Yellowtail family, is okay with her new school. That is, until she meets her lab partner — Amethyst Espina, truant, wrestler, one year older and two years less mature.</p><p>It was supposed to be an easy class, but someone's been watching them. When the tyrannical Miss Diamond puts Peridot's grade on the line because of Amethyst's misconduct, Amethyst and Peridot must learn to work together to make it through the year alive. And who knows? Maybe they'll learn some lessons outside of basic biology, and more with what it means to live.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Girls (Act I)

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into Français available: [Comment caser son coeur dans une boîte de Pétri](https://archiveofourown.org/works/10895973) by [Tori_Aoshiro](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tori_Aoshiro/pseuds/Tori_Aoshiro)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ACT I.
> 
> \- Girls — Marina and the Diamonds -
> 
> "Is there any possibility  
> You'll quit gossiping about me  
> To hide your insecurities —  
> All you say is 'blah, blah'!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What am I doing? It's midnight, I have finals, I haven't touched my literary festival project, and my computer battery is at 5%.
> 
> Edit: i've done a miracle.

There were many things that could screw up the many things that happened that morning, and because of any one of those possible screw ups, whether it be a single screw up or a combination of many, there were many more screw ups that could result. It just branched off of itself, didn't it, like some twisted tree of screw ups. Peridot knew that it probably wasn't healthy to think like that, analyzing every possible screw up and the baby screw ups that may result from it, but it wasn't like she could help it. It was sometimes helpful. It kept her from losing sight of her objective, whatever that might be at the time. It gave her time to preview. To gather as much possible anxiety and irrelevant fear before facing something in order to make herself as brittle and high-strung as actually healthy for a fifteen-year-old girl.

But regardless of any anxious foresight she claimed to have, Peridot could have never seen This Thing That Came until it did.

It was too obvious, for one, and I can hardly believe that she didn't think of it, but I am told that it may be because "obvious" only applied to people who had grown up on schoolgirl manga and awful fanfiction AUs where these tropes are common. I would be surprised if Peridot had even read a manga — I mean, there's no doubt that she'd seen one before, but _read_ it? What a strange concept. Peridot's literary knowledge was broad but not genre-savvy; she'd read Homer and Shakespeare and Sun Tzu and the typical "greats", and admittedly she appreciated an Orson Scott Card novel once in a while (such worldbuilding! The _complexity!_ ) but romance was certainly not her thing. Also, she could be as thick as the trunk of a redwood.

It started on the first day of Peridot's sophomore year in high school, and by extension, on the first day of Peridot's attendance at the school itself. Last year she had attended a high school on the other side of the state; two years ago, a middle school three states away. In the past ten years of her life, Peridot could count six different foster homes in six different towns, each with varying stay lengths and degrees of pleasantness. She'd live her life with a family that always seemed too distant, droning through the minimalist routines that kept her alive, then something would happen (divorce once, abuse another time, financial issues another; it became a kind of game to predict what would break her foster family first) and she'd get shuffled into a drab car with a drab social worker and whisked to a whole new world. She'd been living with Family Six, the Yellowtails, for two months and considered them one of the best. The family itself got shaky at times, but matron of the home, Vidalia, had gone out of her way to make Peridot as comfortable as possible.

As she sat down in an empty seat and the school bus trundled away from the bus stop, Peridot found herself looking at her shoes, a spotless pair of black Converse. Definite upgrade from the battered flip-flops she'd come to Family Six in. A new backpack, full of binders, pens, and notebooks, leaned casually against her exposed arm — against the crisp loose sleeve of her green plaid shirt. She hadn't been completely on board with the entire new wardrobe, but since it was a public high school, the pleated skirts and Mary Jane shoes from Family Five's Catholic school had had to go. So out went the uniform and in came the dark-wash skinny jeans, the plaid tops, and a haircut that pulled her thick black hair into a short, vaguely triangular bob.

"Look at you, Dottie!" Vidalia had smiled that morning as Peridot came downstairs for breakfast. "Hold on! I gotta get a picture. Oh, I forgot to ask before...you don't mind if you're in the Christmas card this year, do you?”

Peridot had told her _no, I don’t mind, thank you ma’am, but the extensive transactions were really not necessary,_ and in response Vidalia just laughed.

“Extensive transactions? Girl, I’m just getting you some new threads. You haven’t seen extensive until you see Onion’s wishlist.”

And Peridot had left, in addition to her backpack now holding a packed lunch in a brown paper bag. Instead of her name, Vidalia had sketched a surprising likeness of her face and it made Peridot smile. Which was good, because the new, round glasses frames were supposed to look substantially attractive when she smiled. Was attractiveness something she prized? She didn't think so. Gender expectations and teenage boys alike could go screw themselves. She put in her earbuds, turned on an obscure dubstep remix to drown out the world around her, and checked her school schedule for the seventh time.

Algebra II was her first hour class, taught by an older white man who put his hands on his hips too often and whose expressions ran only along the lines of someone who had just been told a very bad pun. He gave out a test on the first day, took one look at Peridot's score and pulled her aside to recommend she switch to the gifted mathematics program and to see the counselor after school about it. Then he gave out homework on the first day — Peridot decided she liked him.

Second hour: world history, taught by a young Polynesian woman who had blue streaks in her fluffy brown hair, a framed picture on her desk of a screaming baby, and an alarming amount of motivational posters about fish. Peridot only knew about the baby picture because while taking attendance, when "Malachite Lazuli" came up, Mrs. Lapis Lazuli's freckled face split into a devilish grin and she added in a mockingly peppy voice, "That's my daughter. Hi sunshine, you're here, aren't you?"

In the back corner, a tall "goth"-looking girl with bleached hair slid further down her seat and groaned. "No. Oh my god."

"Present in body, not in spirit," Mrs. Lazuli replied, stuck out her tongue, and continued taking attendance. At one point while talking about the syllabus, she "accidentally" knocked over the baby picture and used the opportunity to talk about what a terror her daughter was in her younger years. Peridot almost felt sorry for Malachite, who looked ready to drown herself in Mrs. Lazuli's fish tank, but she was too busy feeling sorry for whatever person had married the languid, carefree history teacher.

She didn't have time to wonder too long, though, because third hour was gym — dominated by a monstrous woman who answered to the name "Jasper Dominguez-Lazuli", but demanded she be called either "sir" or "Coach Jasper" or "if you wanna get on my good side, Major Dominguez. I didn't spend ten years in military service to get whiny ' _whatever'_ s from thirty hormonal twigs; I got enough of that at home". Like her wife, she was sarcastic as all hell and made it very easy for herself to get made fun of, but unlike her wife, the fun-making slipped easily under her pierced nose and would make heads roll if she happened to catch it. She'd made the class run a mile on the first day, which a very asthmatic Peridot had only completed by lying about her lap count (8 instead of 10). She was 90% sure that Coach Jasper had seen right through it, but let her go because the hour was over.

Wheezing into her inhaler and still smelling like sweat, a significantly less-composed Peridot made her way to an unnecessarily steep flight of stairs to her fourth hour class, sophomore-level biology. The only reason it was sophomore level was because Family Five’s Catholic school had been double block and the science courses ran opposite to the normal public school system, so she’d taken both physics and chemistry in her freshman year. _Otherwise,_ she mused, _I should be leagues ahead of my peers. Perhaps I’ll be able to fill in their gapped knowledge with my previous education, nyehehehehe._

The thought of being the smart one of the class filled her with determination ( _Undertale reference. Too advanced for the likes of common non-gaming clods, nyehehe_ ) and Peridot attempted to climb the steps by twos instead. “What’s with short kids and always running up by two steps?” a kid muttered as she passed.

She responded, “We’re compensating for something.” Her legs ached when she got to the top, though, and opening the door took effort especially as one was busy holding her notebooks and pencil case. A _lot_ to prove.

Her first impression of the classroom G10 was the smell, a potent blend of formaldehyde and antibacterial wipes that only accented the overbright lights. Instead of desks, there were three rows of tables with two seats at each, and a good deal of them were already filled. Peridot scanned the walls for the clock and found it right above the spotless whiteboard — ten seconds to spare. Ugh, she’d taken too long changing. She was only _almost_ late.

The class bell, a reverbing peal of a low treble that could be well compared to an actual church bell, sounded just as Peridot pulled her breath in and looked around for a seat, but she had barely begun to contemplate the various troubles that might come from the sides, the front or the back respectively before she was cut off by a sharp clacking of high heels. From a door at the back, a very tall woman strode into the classroom with her shoulders set and hands clasped behind her back. Her slim build was accented by the fitted black suit and skirt she wore, her angular face framed by an immaculate bob of chardonnay-blond hair. In sharp contrast to the otherwise conservative attire, the woman’s slender neck and the top of her chest served as a blank canvas for the single yellow diamond pendant that hung there, and her bony hands for several thick rings and various bracelets that glittered in the classroom’s harsh light.

“All students, rise and move to the back of the classroom. Do you _honestly_ think I would let you choose your own seats?” The woman’s words snapped like gunshots, like her shoes as she moved behind the island at the front. Everything about her entrance had sent the immediate message of _do NOT mess with me,_ and though it intimidated Peridot, it filled her with relief that she would not have to act independently. Clutching her books, she scurried to the back with the other students (many of them younger-looking, obviously freshmen. What had she been anxious about again? These children didn’t know what they were doing in high school, and the teacher commanded respect. Peridot felt that she would enjoy this class).

Without any other explanation, the woman glanced at a folder on the podium and pointed at the front, far left table. "Zhang, Jade," she read, and in silent obedience a small brown-haired girl stepped to the place. A broad-shouldered Indian boy followed at "Talwar, Obsidian," and out of habit Peridot composed herself as the teacher pointed to the center table and read off "Sun, Peridot Chen."

She preferred front row seats after all — oh, her awful eyes were just getting worse every year. Careful in monitoring her neutral expression, Peridot nodded to the teacher and took her place in the left chair. _Give me a GOOD partner, please,_ she thought as the teacher glanced back down at the attendance sheet and opened her mouth, and just then, the handle of the classroom door clicked.

All nervous eyes swung to the door except the teacher’s, who glared out at the class. “If someone doesn’t open it, she may just have to stand there all day. Peridot, go get that.”

Peridot was startled at the sudden call of her name, but the task was simple and nothing could go wrong from it. “Y…yes ma’am. Sorry ma’am.” She became terribly aware of how quiet the room was, how loudly her new shoes squeaked on the white tile floor, how a few whispers arose when she couldn’t figure out how to unlock the door at first. And when she opened it, the whispers rippled again, chorusing right behind her own thoughts at the newcomer.

She’d pushed easily past Peridot and lingered there at the front of the room, shifting her weight once into a fighter’s stance, and with the radiant raw strength that coursed through her stout body, Peridot was quite surprised to see that the girl wasn’t much taller than her. Torn jeans and combat boots, a purple top with a loose sleeve that very obviously showed the lacy strap of a black bra. She had one single-subject notebook and a cracked iPhone in her back pocket, from which a horrendously tangled pair of earbuds dangled and bounced against the girl’s nicely shaped bottom.

Wait, what?

“Uh,” the girl said, but she was looking at the teacher. “Sorry, Miss Diamond. My locker got stuck.”

“Welcome back, Amethyst,” Miss (?) Diamond said flatly. Somehow, it sounded too soft to call her Miss Diamond; _Professor_ Diamond had a much nicer ring to it. “Take your seat.”

In hindsight, Peridot probably should have sat down as soon as she'd opened the door, because when Miss Diamond gave that command, Amethyst very deliberately pulled out Peridot's assigned chair and sat in that assigned seat where Peridot's materials had been sitting on the _assigned table._ "Ahem," Peridot cleared her throat just as Miss Diamond cleared hers, and from behind a tuft of thick lavender hair, Amethyst glanced up.

"The _other_ seat."

The girl shrugged and slid over to the chair on the right. "Whatever."

 _Whatever?_ Peridot looked to Miss Diamond helplessly, praying to all the deities she knew that Amethyst would be reprimanded again and assigned a new seat, but Miss Diamond simply turned back to the attendance list and continued calling names. Slowly, Peridot moved back to her chair and gave a sidelong glance to Amethyst. She'd taken out her phone and as her thumb scrolled down the cracked screen, Peridot noted her chipped glitter nail polish. Her lavender hair was voluminous as well as unreasonably long, a mane if anything, and quite similar actually to Coach Jasper's. It spilled over her shoulders, across her left eye, over the back of her chair and in the close proximity of their bodies, a lock even brushed obscenely against Peridot's thigh. _So much for a good lab partner._

As “Rosales, Citrine” made her way to her seat and Miss Diamond began calling more names, Peridot dared open her mouth to the girl who slouched right next to her. “Excuse me,” she whispered, or at least tried because she knew she could not whisper, “your artificially colored hair is invading my personal space. Would you mind removing it?”

Amethyst turned her head and the hair retreated from the simple laws of what happened when you moved the source of the hair, but Peridot found herself in a completely new level of uncomfortable as the girl’s one exposed eye locked on hers. She had the darkest eyes Peridot had ever seen — black as onyx, almost blue. It seemed as if Amethyst had attempted winged eyeliner, but it smudged at the end and just blended into her purple eye shadow and tan skin. The eye flicked from Peridot’s face down to her clothes, to her hands which she had folded on the table in front of her, and then back up to her face.

“No gods, no masters,” she muttered. “It’s got a mind of its own, homegirl. Chill.”

It took Peridot a full five seconds to decipher what the other girl had meant by that, and by then, unknowingly to her in her blind anger, their conversation had already attracted the full attention of Miss Diamond.

“Couldn’t you at _least_ pull it back? It’s a hazard in a lab setting, you know. You don’t know — ”

“Peridot, are you willing to share your conversation with the class?”

The cold voice, calling her name for the third time, shattered on the ground and sent a rush like icy water up Peridot’s spine. She had never been called on for talking in class before, never like this, and following the rush of fear was a gradual burning in her olive cheeks. The matter _did_ seem rather petty now that she thought of it. She looked up at Miss Diamond, who was frowning, and swallowed the lump in her throat. “No, ma’am.”

To her annoyance, nothing was said about Amethyst talking and the girl just went back to Snapchatting or whatever it was she was doing, and though Miss Diamond called “Device away, Amethyst,” the petty revenge of having the other girl called out did not satisfy Peridot’s burning shame. First day and already a reputation of a talker, just great. And it was because of some — some sloppy, failing delinquent who seemed to have been in this class before and yet had no concept of laboratory safety. On second glance, Peridot realized that Amethyst didn’t even have a writing utensil with her and noted the student ID shoved into her front pocket — black for the eleventh grade. A _junior_ was in sophomore biology and hadn’t even thought to bring a pen?

Once the last student had sat down in her assigned seat, Miss Diamond passed out syllabi with the class expectations and began reading them off in the voice that testified to have been doing it for years, but still with no intentions to let this class be any worse than its predecessors. The syllabus was five pages thick in 11-point font, single spaced. Peridot flipped open her notebook and began jotting down notes if they weren’t in the syllabus, occasionally finding that they really _were_ and she’d only skimmed over them, and to make sure the teacher knew she was paying attention, she looked up and tried meeting her eyes. Miss Diamond didn’t even look at her. Neither did Amethyst — in fact, the older girl seemed determined to look anywhere except towards the teacher or Peridot.

_Well — serves her right! If she's going to cause trouble then that's her fault. _She only asked to be here.__

The thought carried her still-embarrassed conscience on a leisurely wave to the end of class, even past the cringeworthy rule of "you may not select your own lab partners, nor work alone; you and the person in the seat next to you shall work together for the rest of the semester unless special arrangements are made with me". When the bell's peals sounded at five past twelve, Peridot gathered her things and stood up confidently.

"So apparently," she gave a sideways glare to Amethyst, and made a point of pushing her glasses up her small nose, "it seems as if you're a _trouble kid."_

Miss Allnatt Diamond had since then left, as with most of the other kids, and Peridot and Amethyst were alone in the classroom. The older girl lazily pushed her chair in and pulled out her phone. "I'm a lotta things. What's it to you?"

A disgusting, yet tantalizing anger began bubbling in Peridot's stomach and she clenched her fists. "I'm not going to let some disgusting _punk_ like you ruin my this year. I've worked so hard to keep my grades the way they are and if you think you can ruin it for me, then how about you just try?"

The words flew out in acidic chunks, peppered with intakes of breath and the occasional cracking of Peridot's high voice. But they'd seemed to have some sort of effect, because Amethyst just turned her head further away from Peridot's surely scathing glare and pushed past her to the exit. It was so satisfying to have this sort of control — all her life, she was nearly powerless to determine what people around her did to her. Her schoolwork had been her one trait of value and she would no longer bow to anyone who threatened it. How _delicious_ it was to reverse roles. Peridot laughed in her head and strode after the older girl.

"Yeah...that's right!" she called after Amethyst. Her shoulder knocked on the door handle as she went by and she paused to rub it and swear under her breath a little, but sprang back up to continue her speech just as quickly as she'd gone down. "Just you wait — I won't let anything get screwed up by the likes of _you!"_

And Peridot felt so good in firing the last shot regardless of how badly it had been worded, until at the very last possible moment, she heard Amethyst mutter something under her breath that sounded an awful lot like "yeah, wait to screw _you_ ". Appalled, she whirled around.

_"What was that?"_

"Oh, nothing," Amethyst responded vaguely, but she was smirking.

Her hips swayed as she walked, her hair in perfect sync. The little earbuds still dangled sloppily from her back pocket and bounced against her bottom, inviting a thought that Peridot could not name nor place. _Disgusting_ was all she could come up with. "Disgusting," she even dared say to herself, and repeated it again in her head. Absolutely disgusting.

For reasons unknown, her cheeks were still warm. 


	2. The End of All Things

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> \- The End of All Things — Panic! at the Disco -
> 
> "In these coming years  
> Many things will change  
> But the way I feel  
> Will remain the same"

Other than the disastrous biology class, the rest of Peridot's day passed without incident. She'd sat alone at lunch but what else was new — in a school of a little over one thousand students, from such an isolated town, everyone had their groups and had solidified into cliques even on the first day. So Peridot sat alone. It was best not to get especially chummy with people she'd have to leave behind in a year or so, anyway. More efficient that way.

After lunch was Mandarin III, one of the smallest and most advanced classes on her schedule, with less than ten people filling the classroom's seats, but neither the friendly blond teacher nor the textbook material fazed her. Before she was removed from her family by the Social Services, her entire life had been in Mandarin — she'd grown up in an apartment complex that housed mainly Chinese families and spoke English at school only, Even after leaving New York, she starved for material in her native tongue, snatching up every Chinese channel on Family One's television, saving up every fortune cookie slip in order to commit their symbols to heart. It was a thirst for the familiar, if anything. Peridot thrived on the familiar. That hadn't lasted long though and Families Two and Three had been much less approving, particularly the patron of Two, who called black people "thugs" and routinely demanded Peridot to speak English in America, forget her Chinese. It was in Family Four that she'd gained access to the Internet, and found at her fingertips a network of language learning hubs and social sites beyond anything she could ever dream.

Currently, she ran a primarily Mandarin blog about computer programming and hardware aesthetic photography, though one of her mutuals from Hong Kong had politely recommended a grammar course. Which all, in its roundabout way, brought her to fifth hour at her school, one of fifty total Mandarin-learning students.

Sixth hour study hall. Nothing significant there, just an exhausted elderly moderator listing common-sense rules. Then seventh hour Pre-AP Literature 10 — and you should have a pretty clear idea of how Peridot regarded this class by now. If anything, her pressures into English in her childhood had just made her bitter towards the language, and though she completed her assignments to the letter, she would occasionally lose points for not looking deep enough into the text or writing impersonally. All in all it did not serve as a particularly entertaining end to her school day, and Peridot sighed as she realized she was in for a long year.

As the final bell rang she had just enough time to confer with her counselor about moving into Algebra II Gifted and the change was made quite cleanly, only swapping two classes. (Algebra in place of gym, meaning Coach Jasper every single day first thing in the morning. Terrific!) After that it took a full ten minutes in the parking lot to locate her bus, by which point some had already begun pulling out and a crossing guard hollered at her to run. Panting and weighed down by her backpack, Peridot stumbled up the steps of Bus 103 and collapsed into the first seat she saw.

There was someone else sitting in the window spot, and when she sat down he turned with an awe-inspired smile.

"Oh, hi!" The boy slid further towards the window to allow her more room, swinging his sandaled feet. "I'm Steven! What's your name?"

Peridot wasn't in much of a mood to socialize (but that wasn't new). She made an indifferent noise in her throat and pulled out her phone. "Peridot."

"Peridot," Steven repeated. He nodded and didn't stop smiling. "That's a nice name!"

Because she'd been five years old, Family One had chosen her English name. She shrugged and, with lack of anything else to do, pulled up Agar.io. The bus had begun to move and Steven looked over her shoulder as she typed in her signature tag, _Synthia_ (a nod to the cell biology basis of the game and also to Craig Venter's work with artificial DNA synthesis. Of course, she didn't expect many people to know that).

"Oh, my sister plays that game. She goes to the high school too, maybe you know her?"

Peridot had just been intending to snap at the child, scold him that _couldn’t he SEE she didn’t want to talk right now,_ but something stopped her. Something very unexpected, very simple, but as surprising as if the boy had touched the glass of the window and made it fall away in pieces. It was something that made her feel very small.

“I don’t know anyone at the school,” she murmured, and on screen her tiny green cell was swallowed by a very large yellow one. The short game discouraged her but she restarted, if only to just make the Steven kid stop talking to her. Except that she didn’t want that either. She didn’t know what she wanted. “I’m new,” she added shortly.

Steven waited until she’d finished, then nodded. “Okay. I understand. Last year, when I began public school, I was really scared…but I met Connie and I wasn’t so scared anymore.”

The game didn’t seem so satisfying anymore. She closed the app. “Connie?”

“She’s my best friend! She was new too, and we have the same recess together. It was kinda hard trying to talk to her at first, because she was always reading, but it’s not bad once you try it. Oh, wanna Cookie Cat?”

The young boy’s words were informative, and his offer tantalizing. There was a pink lunchbox on his lap and he held out a package from it in offering — _Cookie Cats: Snack Bites!_ the label read, and Peridot mused that she _was_ hungry.

“Are those the ones with the strawberry frosting instead of the ice cream?” At this, Steven’s face lit up with an infectious smile.

“Yup! Not as good as the cool, creamy classic but these have sprinkles just like the Valentine’s Day Limited Edition. I’ve got two packs here.”

Peridot put her phone away and popped open the bag. A nice handful of the mini chocolate cats smiled just as wide as the boy next to her. Tentatively, she ate one and appreciated it.

And that was how Peridot made her first school friend.

.

The pattern of the school days took very little time to set in. But that’s just how patterns worked for her; things that droned were the things she was comfortable with, something she could be certain in. Peridot would wake up at 6:30, shower, eat a quick breakfast, hop on the bus (Steven didn’t ride in the mornings so she just sat alone), arrive at school, try her best not to get singled out by Coach Jasper, sit through bad potty jokes in world history, enjoy algebra, then to biology where she’d ignore Amethyst, then to sitting alone at lunch, Chinese, study hall, literature, bus, snacktime with Steven, come home, work on homework, help Vidalia with dinner, eat, finish homework, get ready for bed, sleep, repeat. And repeat. And repeat. Fortunately, for the rest of the week, biology class had been dedicated to lectures on ecology and Amethyst-contact was at a minimum. However, after the weekend on that dreaded first Monday of school, Miss Diamond began instructing them on proper lab notebook format.

“Tomorrow,” she told them, “you will be going outside and taking pH measurements of the soil in different parts of the school grounds. My student teacher, Miss Pearl, will take you and help if you somehow cannot read directions. You shall meet in this classroom first and attendance _will_ be taken as usual.”

Peridot did not normally enjoy lab work — surprisingly enough, but deskwork was methodical. Easy to fall into a pattern. So long as you were smart you could do fine. Lab work, however, included a deal of unique creative thought (ugh) and _interactions with others_ (ugh with a side of ew). It didn’t make it any easier that these interactions would be done with someone she already decided she didn’t like.

A part of her thought back to what Steven had said: _“Making friends isn’t bad once you try it!”_

The other part looked at the girl next to her, whose headphones were in even as Miss Diamond’s fourth hour biology class walked out to the school retention pond. Along with her repulsive clothing (today it was too-short shorts and a ripped up wrestling t-shirt) Amethyst had taken to wearing a weird little fanny pack where she stored an unbelievable amount of food and occasionally picked a few Goldfish out of to munch on.

“Want some?” Amethyst offered a handful of the crackers to Peridot when the student teacher wasn’t looking. Peridot, hungry but questioning the last time Amethyst had ever washed her hands, declined neutrally.

 _I doubt Steven has ever tried ‘making friends’ with an animal like this,_ Peridot grumbled to herself. Amethyst dragged her hand across her mouth to wipe off any crumbs, and then licked it. _Ugh._

They had somehow drifted to the back of the group because they were seemingly the only two people who didn’t have other people to talk to, and their conversation was drowned in the mild chaos of freshmen with no stiff hand to guide them. But even through the antics of the other students, somehow Miss Diamond’s student teacher was able to see every move Amethyst made. “Put those disgusting crackers away, Miss Espina,” piped Pearl even without turning around. Amethyst grumbled and shoved the rest of them down her throat.

“What, so I don’t get crumbs _on the ground?”_ They had long since left the school building and were crossing the small parking lot behind the school’s football field. Mouthing more sarcastic responses under her breath, Amethyst kicked at a pebble. “She’s almost as bad as _our_ Pearl.”

“I heard that!” Pearl sang. She had a clipboard and consulted it too often, gracefully marking down something or other, and did it now. Probably a note for Miss Diamond to reprimand Amethyst later, and Peridot did not like the thought of getting one for herself, but her curiosity had been piqued.

“What do you mean, ‘ _our Pearl’?_ ”

This girl liked conversation, Peridot noticed, because she responded automatically. “Eh, nothing. I know someone named Pearl; I…guess she’s kinda like my older sister? I dunno. She’s _really_ uptight though, total neat freak and nerd — heh, I think you’d like her.”

Peridot was holding her lab notebook, the data report sheet, and the lab equipment kit against her chest and adjusted them so that she could hold the papers in one hand and the kit in the other. There were only wisps of wind, and the sun made her thick dark hair very hot on the top of her head. Her stiff green polo shirt made her wish for a tank top. As Amethyst consulted her phone for her music, Peridot realized that she had not yet responded to the other girl and feigned interest. “Hmm.”

Only a weird glance came back, but the conversation was over anyway; Pearl and the rest of the class by extension had stopped at the edge of a shallow, grassy pit. A triangular, banana-yellow flag waved at them from the center of the valley; Peridot also noticed two similar flags at the edge of a distant cornfield and under a cluster of birch trees.

Miss Pearl cleared her throat, “All right. First off, I expect that you have completed your homework assignment and read over the lab directions, so I will number your lab groups off by threes and you will get to work. Ones start here at the retention pond, twos shall start at the cornfield, and threes shall start at the trees. You will have ten minutes per location to gather your data, and when I blow the whistle, you shall rotate stations clockwise. Am I clear?”

There rose a general murmur of consenting unenthusiasm from the twenty-six students and Pearl began counting off groups. Peridot and Amethyst got assigned to the retention pond first, which, as Peridot soon realized, wasn’t even an actual pond.

“This isn’t even an actual pond,” Amethyst echoed Peridot’s thoughts as she plunked down in the springy, perfectly dry grass. Her large, makeup-caked eyes squinted in the full sun. When Peridot crouched (she was allergic to grass), a warm breeze blew through and carried a unique, surprising smell with it, something like cupcakes, vanilla ice cream, apple pie, and…something else. Peridot appreciated it very much and looked to Amethyst, who was very close as she reached for the lab kit. Was the pleasing scent coming from _her?_

“So we’ve gotta like, dig up a bit of dirt, right?” asked Amethyst, something which Peridot was very surprised to hear. She shook her head. What was _wrong_ today? She felt…lethargic. No, not exactly. Lethargic implied a lack of energy. No, no; this was a lethargy of a mental kind, like a fog that had come across her brain’s temporal lobes. Her body hummed with energy and homed in on that smell, not even _just_ that smell, but the world seemed a little brighter. There was something too vibrant about small things. About the way the sun reflected off Amethyst’s voluminous lavender hair, about the ratty thin sleeve of her shirt and how it was a little loose on her otherwise-bare shoulder, about the slow, catlike blinks of her deep eyes. There was something wrong.

It scared Peridot, quite frankly, because she had no idea what it was.

Against her brain’s better judgment, her mouth released a little “agh!” and she flinched away from the very narrow space that divided her and Amethyst, sending the lab kit spilling out of her lap. Immediately she scooped up the contents again and pulled herself up straight. “I — yes, _obviously_. It’s nothing.”

“Uh…I was gonna ask you if you were okay, but I guess…I guess answering before the question works too.” Amethyst flipped her mane of hair over her shoulder and rubbed her neck. The simple movement made Peridot’s hands quake. _It’s just anxiety, Peridot. She’s judging me — no she’s not! You don’t care about what SHE thinks! She’s a delinquent! But — she’s JUDGING us!_ In direct opposition to the dual-sided distress in her head, Peridot feigned a haughty laugh.

“HAHAHAHA, well, I meant to do that. Now we don’t have to waste any time in opening it...!” She had said it too fast and clamped her sharp, braces-lined teeth with an audible _clack._ The false enthusiasm sputtered and died. “I…ahahah…hah…ugh. Just start digging.”

 _She’s JUDGING ME,_ Peridot’s anxiety howled. To distract it while Amethyst carved out a small section of moist dirt and grass, Peridot threw herself at the lab kit and preparing the pH test probe. The experiment was conducted, measurements taken and Peridot made sure to write all of the data down. Twenty-six degrees Celsius in the air; twenty-two degrees Celsius in the soil; pH level of 5.0. Pearl blew a whistle and the students working at the retention pond moved to the cornfield.

In all her years of living in Midwest America, Peridot had never been so close to corn before. Mostly because her allergies were killer when she didn’t take her meds, but otherwise, she’d just never thought to walk next to a cornfield so close to harvest season. And the things _towered._ Peridot was only five foot one to begin with but this height difference was ridiculous. Almost…intimidating. She heard Amethyst laugh.

“What, never seen corn before?”

Peridot sniffed, but silently wondered what expression her face had been making for Amethyst to have read her so easily. “They’re…unexpectedly tall this year.”

“Eh, I dunno. The drought in May really took a toll on them; they’re a little stumpy actually.”

Midwesterners were so weird. Amethyst smirked, as if she’d heard the thought and agreed.

“Still, I totally get you. A stupid _plant_ is taller than me. Kinda puts things in perspective, doesn’t it?”

A strong hand clapped against Peridot’s shoulder, causing her entire body to subconsciously tense up. “C’mon, scrub. _You_ wanted to take this science-y shit seriously, so what’re you waiting for?”

They carried out the experiment again by the corn that towered over their heads — air temperature twenty-five degrees, soil temperature twenty-two degrees, soil pH 5.5. Peridot fell in easily with the procedure and carried out the experiment with two minutes to spare — during which Amethyst dug around in her fanny pack for more food and discovered a half-eaten package of Cookie Cats: Snack Bites.

“Aren’t…” Peridot cleared her throat; she sure got congested around this time of year. “Aren’t those the ones with the sprinkles?”

“Like the Valentine’s Day Limited Edition? Haha, yeah,” Amethyst dumped a few of them down her lip-glossed mouth. The words were very familiar, but Peridot didn’t care to recall why. “Sure you don’t want some?”

“Well…I guess. Just a few.”

Pearl’s whistle cut through the silence then and Peridot and Amethyst headed towards the last station, the trees, side by side and munching Cookie Cat Bites. It was cool and shady in the shelter of the branches, and though somewhat cramped along with four other pairs of students, both girls found a spot near the roots of the largest birch tree. Amethyst immediately began peeling at the papery white bark, but Peridot reprimanded her and reminded her to start digging again while she recalibrated the pH probe.

“Hey, Peridot,” Amethyst said after a couple seconds, “can I ask you something kinda personal?”

Something Kind Of Personal came every time a host family’s relatives visited for holidays. The automatic response of “yes, that’s fine,” came to Peridot’s lips. Amethyst flicked her wrist and sent a lump of dirt onto the grass.

“Like, I’m just wonderin’. But, uh, by any chance, are you gay?”

…Oh.

 _That_ wasn’t normally a question asked by relatives.

“Absolutely not,” Peridot snapped, and accidentally dropped the pH probe. Her cheeks were very hot — Amethyst _had_ been judging her; she knew it! What had told her that? What did gay women look like? What were their habits? Had Peridot said something? Was there a code word? Some type of mating signal she had unintentionally emulated, or perhaps a certain style of clothing? Whatever it was, she had to dismiss it! “I am _not_ gay, for your information, and I do not care for such romantic pursuits in general. And I’m fine with it if _you_ are, but _must_ you shove your lifestyle in my face like that? It’s making me uncomfortable.”

The speech was well said, in Peridot’s opinion. Amethyst’s eyes were wide. “Okay, whatever,” she breathed, turning away. Just like that, the conversation was over. _Good. Now we can focus on the work —_

The work, which was impossible to do without the pH probe, which was showing absolutely nothing on the screen despite having turned it on, which was not good.

What a piece of junk. Peridot tried pressing some buttons and even checking the batteries, but the probe seemed to have just given up and died. “Take the temperatures in case I don’t get back on time,” she told Amethyst tersely, but the other girl was still digging and didn’t so much as look up.

She consulted with Pearl, who happened to know nothing about fixing pH probes and who just gave her a new one, and by that time their time outside had nearly expired. Peridot only had time to rush back to the tree and take the pH test. “I trust that you gathered the data,” she said to Amethyst. The junior had stuck her earbuds in again, turned up loud enough that the drums and bass filtered out into the air, and had her own data report sheet folded and shoved sloppily into her back pocket.

“Yeah,” she replied shortly. “I’ll put it on the document when I get home.”

When they came back to the classroom and gathered their things, they parted without a last word. And in Peridot’s mind: _What did I say? Did I…HURT her? I — GAH! Who even cares! I don’t! I don’t care about her! She’s just a lab partner and I’m not gay! I’m NOT! Why did she ask such a stupid question; doesn’t she KNOW that people could get offended by that?! Oh god what if she hates me wHAT IF SOMEONE ELSE OVERHEARD oh god they probably did because of such close proximity, blast it, now everyone thinks terribly of me and I’m going to die. I’m not coming back to school again. Ever._

This was not a true prediction because the day Peridot did not come to school would be the day she was either bedridden, fated to die, or a graduate.

With some effort, Peridot was able to push out of her mind entirely the worries of Amethyst by putting in Other Things to Worry About, such as the summer book report and slideshow she would be presenting in seventh hour. (It was on _Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy,_ if you MUST know, and she had enjoyed both it and the prospect of such a novel being helpful on future ACT tests.) Thankfully, school gives little time for disinterest, at least for the studious woman such as herself, and as the end-of-lunch bell ended and she was whisked along to Mandarin III, she lost herself in ink and paper.

And she stayed lost the rest of the afternoon, or at least, until she had finished the assigned homework for algebra and world history and then moved onto biology.

They had each been assigned to plug their data into a spreadsheet on Google Docs so as not to analyze only their own data, but the entire class’s. And Peridot had put in her data as soon as possible, which was during her study hall, and when she saw that Amethyst had not put in her data yet, she hadn’t thought much of it. She might not have had the chance during school; many students did not have study halls. But it was six P.M. now and the only spot on the spreadsheet that was unfilled was Amethyst’s. _I’ll…just finish my other homework, and perhaps she’ll have come to her senses between now and then,_ Peridot mused. A worksheet in Mandarin, nothing in Lit. That didn’t take long, but by the time she’d finished that, eaten dinner, slipped into nightclothes and updated her blog once, the patch of data was still empty and it was eight P.M.

 _Hey, asshole! I’m BA-A-A-A-A-CK!_ hollered Anxiety. _What are you going to do without the data, hmm?_

First, she reasoned, she was going to blame Amethyst for it. The irresponsible girl had probably been so busy feeling sorry for herself that she'd ignored putting in the data; on second thought Peridot would be surprised if she'd even got it in the first place. But what would _Peridot_ do?! She had to make line graphs over time for the class averages and that was easy enough to do, but what about their group bar graphs? Miss Diamond graded by day; tomorrow, if Peridot didn’t have a complete graph, she might get marked down! And she couldn’t write a complete conclusion without all the data!

Vidalia was putting Onion to bed at that time, so as she went by Peridot opened the door and asked for an opinion. “My partner failed to provide me with the necessary data, which makes it difficult for me to complete my part,” she explained. “And now I don’t know if I should just leave it to do tomorrow instead or to just complete it without her part of the information.”

The blond woman leaned against the doorframe, arms folded as she thought. “Hmm, I dunno, Peri. It’s been decades since I’ve been in school; you know what happened.”

Vidalia had run away from home in her senior year and had never received her high school diploma. It was hard to imagine her as anything _other_ than the innovative, quirky mother she was now, but as Sour Cream advanced through high school Vidalia had often commented on her own similar fallacies and experiences.

“I say just do whatever you can,” Vidalia gave a small grin and clapped her hand kindly on Peridot’s shoulder — just like Amethyst had, except not half as hard. “Some credit’s better than nothing, and maybe you’ll get the chance to fix it if the teacher sees it wasn’t your fault!”

Peridot actually laughed at the thought of Miss Diamond being that lenient. “Right. Th — thank you though, Mrs. Yellowtail.”

“No problem! And, hey, keep your head up, kid, you’re really, really smart. One mistake on a lab ain’t gonna kill ya.”

She left on that, and Peridot took another look at the unfinished table on her laptop. One mistake wouldn’t sink her grade…would it?

Distressed, Peridot took out her assignment notebook and made a note to talk to Miss Diamond — not tomorrow. She'd wait, and it would be the Amethyst girl who pushed it. She knew it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oooookayyyy so I don't really know how to end this chapter or where to break it off, but it's pushing my 4000-word maximum already (I just checked for real wordcount and cringed. I've really gotta work on brevity) and I honestly can't care less for this chapter for some reason.
> 
> It might be because all of the labs mentioned here are real projects that I had to do last year, and at this point in time, I was crying because I hadn't understood the lab at all and ended up doing more work than needed only to get taken off points. I actually have my lab notebook open in front of me right now for reference; I don't remember a thing that I learned last year and most of this lab procedure is just reliant on memory. But I don't think half of you care about that anyway because I don't. I really don't.
> 
> ANYWAYYY things are heating up here in Gayville, and I've been waiting to write the next chapter since almost the first conception of this story because I've been Jaspis trash for months now. Also, shame's a fun emotion to writeeeeee....okay, no more. No spoilers; I'll just go now. Thanks for reading y'all this is gonna be a fun ride~~


	3. Difference Maker

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> \- Difference Maker — NEEDTOBREATHE -
> 
> "I am on the fence about  
> Nearly everything I've seen —  
> And I have felt the fire  
> Be put out by too much gasoline"

“What was that?” Peridot demanded the second she came into the fourth hour classroom. She slammed her folders down on the table. “Where is the data? Why didn’t you put it in?!”

Amethyst had jumped when Peridot put down her things, but her surprise quickly flipped to a sulking scowl. “I was busy.”

The short answer wasn’t good enough — weren’t they _all_ busy? “I don’t care,” Peridot tilted her chin up for good measure. “We all have a part to play and I expect you to have completed it. If I get a bad grade on this, then it’s your fault.”

The older girl’s arms were folded over her ample chest and head tilted down with her hair covering her eyes. Her hair stuck up at odd angles; at the roots, it was easy to see where her natural black tones were growing in. “Not all of us are as smart and comfortable as you, Peridot,” she spat. “Stop being so dramatic.”

“I am _not_ being — !”

The bell rang and gunshot-heels snapped against the floor in perfect time. “Peridot, sit _down,_ ” Miss Diamond commanded, the simple three words filling Peridot’s stomach with liquid, leadlike shame. Her cheeks were enflamed for sure. _Oh god she hates me. She really hates me._

“Yes, ma’am.” She took her seat as quietly as possible.

It turned out that Miss Diamond _did_ walk around the class and mark down who had their tables and averages complete, and Peridot had put all effort into making hers look as “complete” as possible, but the two empty slots of data glared like spots of spilled white-out. When the teacher reached their table, it was with a single glance and a mark on the clipboard, and Peridot wanted to protest that it hadn’t been her fault but it was otherwise dead quiet in the room and the dare in the silence was too much to face. Peridot could only hang her head and watch Miss Diamond mark down the absent data on hers and then Amethyst’s notebooks. Her lab partner, it seemed, hadn’t written a single thing down in her lab book yet.

That night, as Peridot answered the data analysis questions and wrote the lab conclusion, she checked the shared Google doc one last time to see if the data had been filled in, and it had not. This made it difficult to write a complete conclusion for the individual experiment and Peridot made a note that the missing data had been out of her control. Perhaps Miss Diamond would understand. If not for the missing data, the lab was high-quality even by Peridot’s standards, every word scripted in black pen, with the painstakingly consistent block letters that she called her handwriting, with every table cut and pasted symmetrically and while using only the front side of each sheet. Top-notch, nearly professional work, drilled into her by two years of intense Catholic private school and fifteen years of the crippling fear that she was being judged.

And when she turned the lab in on Thursday and received it back on Friday with a large red **B+, 89%** on the first page, she knew exactly why.

After the bell rang, and before Miss Diamond could disappear into her back room office, Peridot jumped up with her green lab notebook in hand. “Miss Diamond, I need to speak to you,” burst Peridot, subconsciously straightening her back as the teacher’s critical, pale brown eyes narrowed on hers.

“Not now, Peridot” was all the woman said, holding up her slender hand. “If you wish to discuss something, I will be available in my office after school until 4 P.M.”

“Oh — yes ma’am.” Out of the corner of Peridot’s eye, she saw Amethyst moodily push her chair in under her desk and, her conversation with the teacher over, she rushed to the door before Amethyst could get there and slipped away.

During the school day, Peridot normally saw Amethyst twice — once during biology, and another time between sixth and seventh hour in the hallway. Today, when they passed (both of them walked alone), Amethyst deliberately met Peridot’s eyes and held them until they brushed past each other, and as a result, Peridot nearly tripped over her own shoelace. The eye contact had been somehow very threatening. Did Amethyst know it was about her, the talk she would be having with Allnatt Diamond? Most likely she did, damn it. But there was nothing she could do about it. Amethyst had brought this upon herself. _Her_ fault.

At the last bell, Peridot went straight to classroom G10 without stopping for her backpack, arms still overflowing with assigned novels and notebooks. And when she pushed open the door using her elbow and pushing against it with her back, she saw not just one but three school teachers to witness her state of disarray — Miss Diamond, Mrs. Lapis Lazuli, and Coach Jasper all stood in apparently heated debate around the front podium. Oh, Peridot hadn’t exactly seen Coach Jasper’s face as her back was turned to the door, but the ponytailed white hair and combat-ready stance was a dead giveaway.

“ — a distraction in class and a general nuisance to anyone who talks to her,” Miss Diamond was saying, at least, as far as Peridot had heard. She glanced back as Peridot stepped in, then returned to speaking with Lazuli and Jasper. “She refuses to obey me. If you wish for your daughter to remain in my class, then any further misbehavior from her is _your_ responsibility. I have already spoken with the dean on this matter.”

“Malachite doesn’t listen to either of us, Allnatt,” Jasper growled in response. “Last big fight between us and her ended in me cracking a tooth. She may give _you_ some snarky bullshit but you’re the only one who can keep her from getting physical.”

Miss Diamond glanced towards Lapis Lazuli, who was picking at her fingernails and blowing a bubble with blue bubblegum. Wasn’t _that_ weird, seeing a teacher chewing gum, but Lazuli had done a lot of weird stuff already in the span of the last week (including, but not limited to, making Belgian waffles for the entire class _during class,_ giving an entire lesson in a flawless Australian accent, planting a whoopee cushion on a student’s chair, and abbreviating Mesopotamia as Mespot). And Lazuli was tough, if anything else. “I doubt that,” Miss Diamond said, and picked up a yellow folder from the podium. “And Peridot, are you just going to stand there until the bell rings tomorrow, or did you have something to say?”

Jasper and Lazuli both turned to look at Peridot, who suddenly felt rather small under the scrutiny of so many teachers. “I…” she gulped, and glanced between Miss Diamond and the other two. Lazuli blew another blue bubble and popped it with white, sharp teeth.

Filled with a sudden confidence, Peridot took a deep breath, puffed out her chest, and continued. “Miss Diamond, if I’m not interrupting anything — ”

“We have this same conversation about once a day,” Mrs. Lazuli interjected dryly, but Miss Diamond glared at her to be quiet.

“Not presently. What is it?”

It was as cold as ever in the classroom and Peridot shifted, and noticing the awkwardness in her burdens, Miss Diamond gestured to the students’ tables and allowed Peridot to put her things down. “I am concerned about my lab work,” Peridot told her teacher. “My lab partner was incapable of doing her minimal part and failed in gathering data for the group experiment analysis. Because of her shortcomings, I lost points on my lab, and I respectfully request new accommodations be made to prevent this from happening further.”

Jasper and Lazuli exchanged a look of clear confusion, but Miss Diamond just nodded and turned her piercing eyes to a file. “Are you asking for a change in seating?"

Despite the intense AC in the room, warm relief flooded over Peridot — she wouldn’t have to ask it that directly. Miss Diamond had known what she wanted. Perhaps she had already even arranged for a seating change… “Yes, ma’am. Amethyst absolutely refuses to cooperate with me, asks me inappropriate questions, and did not even attempt to fulfill her fraction of the workload.”

“What kind of inappropriate questions?” Lazuli stuck her blue-tinted head into the conversation again. Jasper snorted under her breath and Miss Diamond scowled.

“I'm sure you both have better things to do.”

The other two teachers had ignored the biology teacher, however, and Peridot’s automatic Teacher-Pleasing Sensors had pushed her into work. “Well, first she forced me to eat food when Miss Pearl was not looking, and then she inquired about my…sexuality.”

It was about this time that she realized she was talking to two lesbian mothers and a woman who would probably marry a bacteria culture before any breathing human being, and decided wisely to elaborate no more on that matter.

“Overall, her behavior is needlessly lascivious and anarchic to a degree that I cannot bear, and I politely request a transfer.”

Miss Diamond inclined her chin, which only made her look taller. She had three inches over even Jasper with heels on, so this didn’t even make much of a difference. She didn't smile, but she didn't seem _mad_. Oh, oh, she was going to say yes — even after a poor first impression, Miss Diamond still liked her. Peridot exhaled.

Then, very simply, she shook her head.

“I cannot grant your request. You and Amethyst must remain partners for the rest of the year.”

If a person’s soul could leave their body without actually killing them, that’s approximately what this revelation felt like, leaving Peridot without the double-sided sword/protective blanket of Anxiety and with nothing but anger. She breathed in and out very fast, shook her head, and tried to remember exactly what Miss Diamond had said. " _What?!_ No, no, _no,_ you have to let me switch! She's — she's a savage and — "

"And I can tolerate her presence no more than you can." Miss Diamond made her way behind the podium and picked up a folder, slender fingers rifling through the papers. Her speech was clear and deliberate and everything said _I am not going back on this._

"Amethyst has been in my class far too long because she cannot be restrained by authority. She requires support from her peers. I've recommended a personal tutor before, but we have found that she responds best to people who are her own age."

"So you — you're expecting _me_ to babysit her?" Peridot spluttered. "But that's not fair! I have to look after my own grade and — "

"And that's why I ask this of you, Peridot," Miss Diamond cut in calmly. Even...even gently. Peridot could almost believe that the teacher truly did have her best interests at heart. She clasped her bejeweled hands in front of her. "Amethyst is creative but needs intellectual assistance; you are intelligent but lack creativity. Additionally, I have met with your case manager — "

(Peridot internally cringed at this — she didn't like to think about her case manager.)

" — who informed me of your stellar academic record. You are the only one of this class capable of taking on such a responsibility while maintaining a grade. She may only require direct engagement in class. However, if you need to make further arrangements, such as reteaching sessions outside the school, then that is entirely up to you and her to arrange."

It did sound reasonable, and Peridot's anger was beginning to subside. Even still, she didn't like the thought that she'd have to pay the price if Amethyst didn't understand. She rubbed her arm. "But...why would she listen to me? What if she doesn't; am I still going to lose points?"

"You won't lose any points on individual work, but on lab and partner assignments, you cannot blame incomplete parts on her. Peridot, listen."

She had not very much been listening before, truth to be told. Miss Diamond gestured over to the other two present adults, who had been so quiet that they might as well have not been in the room at all. Mrs. Lazuli shifted her weight, popped her gum, and smirked up at Coach Jasper, who sighed.

"Is this about — ” the large Hispanic woman scowled, and Miss Diamond nodded.

“Unfortunately, I have been teaching long enough to have had these two she-devils in my advanced placement course,” she explained. Peridot hadn’t known that; the woman’s rather smooth face deceived well. “They had much the same situation, and I acted no differently in their case than in yours.”

“The same situation, _my butt_ ,” Lapis Lazuli muttered. “Jasper handcuffed us together so that we could finish a conclusion on time.”

“I seem to recall that YOU swallowed the key,” Coach Jasper growled back, to which Lazuli just gave the widest shit-eating grin and elbowed her side.

“Eh, yeah. But look at that: she’s a veteran, I graduated salutatorian from Iowa State with degrees in marine biology and world history, we’re married with a perfect little family. And happily ever after."

“I _don’t_ mean to suggest that you will form that kind of bond,” Miss Diamond spoke out over Jasper’s disgruntled protests. “I only ask that you work with us, Peridot, not against us. My classroom is no place for selfish perfectionism or petty interpersonal arguments. We are here only to learn the subject material and pass, and since your classmate has failed on both accounts, I need a competent student to help her. Do you understand?”

Peridot did not know what to say. Instead of saving her, her teacher had in a cruel backhand way c _ondemned_ her — there was no way she could discipline Amethyst without being driven insane. Hadn't she just said that? Hadn't she _said_ the reason they couldn't be partners was because Amethyst wouldn't listen to her? It didn't help that Peridot had no social skills, or that she disliked biology as a whole, or that she had difficulty explaining her thought process to others, _especially_ not the social skills one. It still haunted her that she might have said something to make Amethyst think bad of her on Tuesday — _what was it?! WHAT?!?!_ God forbid she say something else. It wasn't so easy to dismiss it just because she didn't like Amethyst — though less intelligent, Amethyst was apparently more sociable, and definitely a more easy sight in public. She didn't trip on her own shoelaces and people didn't snicker if she did, she didn't bumble in the cafeteria and accidentally stand in the wrong line, she didn't routinely drop things from her desk and grunt as she tried to pick them up again while everyone stared. If people stared at her, it was because she was wearing a nice outfit. It didn't take a genius to know that you don't just make someone higher on the social ladder feel bad and then _dismiss_ it, and it didn't take anxiety to know that Peridot had screwed up.

But she didn't say any of this. Instead, Peridot forced an obedient smile and gathered up her things. "Yes, ma'am. I understand."

She later learned that Miss Diamond could read lies as easy as an open book, and that was why she inclined her sharp chin. But she waved her hand anyway, dismissing her with "Now, don't you have a transport to catch?" and Peridot obeyed her, scurrying out the door with her head tucked and while murmuring automatic thank yous, sorry for wasting your times.

The hallways, so long after the last bells had rung, were nearly empty and her still-new shoes echoed on the tile floors and cinderblock walls. Other than those, it was next to silent in the school, and in silence Peridot's thoughts were very very loud. She'd never be able to do this; she couldn't afford to stick her neck out for someone else. _I'll just do the bare minimum. I'll make sure we collect the data I need, and she'll be on her own for the rest of the lab. Heheh, that way I get what I need AND I do what Miss Diamond told me!_ But there was a problem with this too — Miss Diamond had looked at her with something like _trust._ What if she wanted Amethyst to succeed? What if — what if by not trying to help Amethyst, Peridot was letting Miss Diamond down? What if Amethyst _did_ need support? What if she was...hurting Amethyst?

 _Pfft! Who cares about what she feels? She's just a punk!_ she tried to tell herself, and reveled in the strength behind the words. Oh, but there was no power in them. Her face burning, Peridot reached for her water bottle to distract herself.

Except that she didn't have it.

Ugh, she must've left it in Miss Diamond's classroom when she'd put her things down. Hesitating, Peridot debated on whether she should go back or not — the buses were going to leave soon and she still hadn't gotten her backpack, but she didn't want to lose the water bottle. And Vidalia could always pick her up; Fridays were shopping days anyway so she’d be in the area. Still...she felt really angry with herself about making Vidalia come all the way to pick up her and causing that kind of trouble. _Ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh — GAH!_

Out the window in the cafeteria as she passed, she saw the line of buses beginning to move. Too late now — she'd subconsciously opened her mouth as if to call out to them but the sound had left before it had been made. She swore and turned on her heel, she had no choice anymore did she, and stomped up the stairs to classroom G10 again.

And she'd just almost pushed the door open and burst in except for what she saw and what she heard on the inside.

Coach Jasper and Mrs. Lazuli were gone, or at least, as much as she could see through the small window of the door, but Miss Diamond had not left. And there was another student in Peridot's place, standing with her head down and thick arms folded in front of her, thick lavender hair falling down to shield her eyes. She stood slightly to the side, so there was no way she could have seen Peridot unless she turned her head to the left, and from what she could tell, Amethyst Espina did not want to look up any time soon.

"I know that," she was saying, anger and shame wobbling in tandem on the words. "It's just that I had practice, then I had work, and by the time I got home — "

Miss Diamond cut in, her voice unexpectedly sharp and cold.  "I can't take those kinds of excuses anymore, Amethyst. You made the choice to take on those responsibilities, so I expect you to handle it so that it doesn't interfere with your school life."

Amethyst's head shot up. "But it's not about those! I can handle them, it's just that after school I'm so sick of everything and my eyes can't do that anymore and — "

"I don't see you complaining to your wrestling coach that your quote-on-quote 'disabilities' and 'mental illnesses' are making you too tired. I will accept no more excuses for unfinished work."

"It doesn't work like that," Amethyst muttered. She'd retreated back to her hunched shoulders and lowered head. 

"In the meanwhile," continued Miss Diamond, as if she hadn't heard a thing, "if you do have difficulties, I have spoken with your partner Peridot about more specific help. I'm sure you remember how much help Sugilite was last year with that, but I assure you that Peridot is much more capable as a tutor. So long as you cooperate with her, I will not have to see you again next year."

Amethyst didn't respond, only scuffed her dirty shoe against the floor. 

"Amethyst? Do you understand? Are we clear?"

"Crystal," she mumbled. "I just..."

The teacher stoppped. "What?"

"I..."

The girl's hands gripped her dark arms so tightly that when she pulled them away, there were white finger marks. Her voice wobbled. 

"I'm trying, I really am. Sorry."

"Were you going to say something?"

"I...no. Just forget about it."

 She pulled away and towards the door, automatically arousing the panic of _oh god she's going to catch me eavesdropping on her_ that came naturally to any child from whom secrets were regularly kept. Peridot involuntarily gasped and darted in the first direction that instinct pulled her, towards the right, but that was _away_ from the stairwell and deeper into the discriminating hallway. Desperately, she lunged towards the nearest locker and pretended that she was trying to open it, nearly dropping her books as she did so, and reaching a suitably normal position just as the door of G10 opened.

By her transgression, when Peridot looked up, her gaze locked on Amethyst’s. “Gah — !” she yelped. Then she straightened her back and tried acting dignified. “What are _you_ looking at?”

Amethyst’s piercing dark eyes flicked up to her face, then down at the spilling books in her arms. Then she shrugged, stuck her empty hands in her pockets, and trotted down the stairs.

Even after she’d left, Peridot felt her cheeks burning _again_ and voiced her frustration by stamping her foot. Then, regretful and ashamed, she blundered into G10, swept up her water bottle and disregarded a comment from Miss Diamond, not quite intentionally but because she'd already registered the amount of scathing humor in it and decided it might be better if she did not hear it. Even after she'd left the classroom and looked around and seen that Amethyst was nowhere in sight, she still took a different route downstairs and lingered so as to lessen the chances that she'd bump into the girl in the hallways. With equal care, she called Vidalia and asked to be picked up from school. Thankfully, she ran into no one she knew, Vidalia wasn't angry with her or even hinted towards annoyance (Vidalia was like that a lot actually, but Peridot had lost faith in adults a very long time ago), and she had not forgotten anything else.

Yet her cheeks were still aflame, no amount of water from her bottle could satisfy the unidentified longing in her, and she felt so, so small. How could she just abandon Amethyst after what she’d just heard?

She did not like this because for once, she had no idea where it was going.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *coughs* someone's THIRSTY


	4. Oh No!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> \- Oh No! — Marina and the Diamonds -
> 
> "One track mind, one track heart  
> If I fail, I'll fall apart;  
> Maybe this is all a test —  
> 'Cause I feel like I'm the worst,  
> So I always act like I'm the best!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok so i really wanted to flesh out a little more of this AU because i love to kiss canon (I CAN'T BELIEVE I WAS SPOT ON W/ YD AND HER PEARL?? WOW TALK ABOUT FORESIGHT, and even Peridot's handwriting headcanon nyehehehe) but anyway anway i'll close my mouth. take this plotless thing
> 
> sorry if the lab format is wrong — im too lazy to get out of my chair and find my lab notebook right now

When Peridot came into fourth hour on Monday, Amethyst had brought a second notebook labeled in big purple letters, "LAB". For all intents and purposes, it looked completely new. "Miss Diamond said I have until tomorrow for the lab to get partial credit," she said blankly. Peridot nodded, equally blankly.

"Yes," was all she could say. The stiff exchange strongly suggested maybe Peridot wasn't as good at eavesdropping as she'd thought.

"Er...I have my lab. I could...assist you at some point," ahhh, yes, she congratulated herself for speaking twice in a row. How brave of her. Amethyst didn't think much of it, only shrugged.

"Whatever, I guess. What's your lunch?"

"Huh? Oh. B lunch; and yours?"

"C. I don't got a study hall though. Maybe after school?"

First thing — I don't _have_ a study hall, second thing — after school, while she had other work left to do, alone with Amethyst. She felt safer wasting an hour in slum alleys. But she found her mouth saying yes regardless. Amethyst's makeup, lip gloss to eyeliner, was flawless and made Peridot somewhat jealous.

"That sounds reasonable. Where and when is a meeting convenient?"

Amethyst had just been about to answer when the bell rang and Miss Diamond entered right on cue again, cutting her off. She just shook her head and mouthed, _Wait a second,_ before scribbling something in her notebook. When the teacher had turned her back to write on the whiteboard, Amethyst tore out the scrap of paper and slid it to Peridot. Gingerly, Peridot hid the paper behind her stack of books and pretended to be taking notes as she read it.

_i live at 100 rosewood ct., show up around 6? wrestling after school until 5:30. # is 815 555 6467 if you need any else, me or pearl can give you rides there and back if you need_

Her handwriting was large, bubbly, and could have been neat, but the letters fluctuated in size and Amethyst seemed not to have been introduced to the concept of spaces between words. Peridot found her index finger tracing the smudged purple ink of the word _need_ over and over again. Amethyst was left handed so that's why the ink smudged, but why were the letters like that? It didn't even seem sloppy so much as involuntary, as if the writing did that on its own.

She shoved the note in her pocket and, when Miss Diamond's back was turned again, nodded to Amethyst.

.

The note made another appearance as she got on the bus with Steven, and as she dug around her pockets for her headphones. By mistake it slipped out and the little boy caught it for her, smiling. "Whoops! Here you go."

"Oh...thank you." She accepted it back from him, but his eyes had been wandering and caught on something written there.

"So...what was that for?"

It wasn't like Steven to be nosy, but Peridot was preoccupied with planning all of her assignments and she didn't think much of it. "A friend I have to meet after school. I'm going to be her...tutor." The words sounded strange, but powerful. Steven was awestruck.

"You're going to be Amethyst's tutor? That's so cool!"

"Amethyst — " Peridot did a double take. "Wait, you know Amethyst?"

Steven nodded. "Yup! I know that address. Amethyst is my older sister. She's the one who drives me in the morning!"

That was certainly information, and Peridot didn't exactly know how to react to it. For one, Steven and Amethyst looked nothing alike. Amethyst was clearly Hispanic, and if she had to guess, Steven was mixed Asian American. "I...see."

"Yeah! Oh, hey, if you want, since we ride the same bus you could just come over to our house now and do your homework there. It's a great study environment, like Pearl can make you healthy snacks, and she knows all the right music to help you learn. Sometimes when Amethyst studies, she even plays piano herself!"

"Really," said Peridot, not really impressed.

Steven didn't notice. "Oh yeah, she's really good. And we can make you dinner, so you can stay until whenever you need to go home!"

He did make a good point — going straight to Steven's place of residence would save a lot of time. "Ahhh...all right, then. I will notify my guardian and follow you to your house. Thank you."

"No prob, Bob."

They shared part of a sandwich on the way, discussing Pokemon techniques. Steven happily explained the new arrangement to the driver when Peridot didn't get off at her stop, and by the time they arrived at his, it was already four o'clock and the whole bus had been empty for quite some time. Peridot watched the route carefully — though she hadn't been in the town long, she had never heard of Rosewood Court, and now she knew why. Rosewood Court appeared to be private propery. From the neighborhood where she lived, the bus turned onto the main road and into another, older neighborhood, which Peridot knew for a fact held only retired citizens and really weird gardeners. (She knew this because the social workers had accidentally taken her to that neighborhood instead of to Vidalia's house, and they had spent an entire afternoon knocking on doors and taking stink-eyes from shriveled old people.) In this neighborhood, the last other student got off, and the bus turned down a peculiar, empty little cul-de-sac that had a wrought iron gate at the furthest end of it.

Somehow, Steven had taken hold of Peridot's hand when she wasn't looking, and led her very courteously down the bus steps, across a disturbingly neat path of white pebbles, and up to the iron gate. Like he did it every day, which he probably did, the kid spun a small gold key in the gate and it swung silently open when pushed, letting Peridot in to perhaps the biggest house she'd ever seen. "Well...here we are!" Steven grinned. Peridot's jaw was wide open.

The house, if it could be called such, was more like a castle if anything. The sides, the roof, the great pillars that lined the wrapping porch were all an immaculate white, the trim was a pale pink and highlighted the home beautifully. The gardens were immaculate, every bush trimmed to the exact same, unnaturally round form, and with flourishing pink roses everywhere.The style of architecture was old but well preserved. A small fountain gurgled brightly and there was a perfect little tree with a tire swing, probably Steven's. Peridot found herself staring — she had never been so close to a house that towered so.

"You — and Amethyst — you _live_ here?"

He nodded and pulled her towards the door. The steps were stone and the doors, double with oak and formidable brass knockers. He used a different key for this one.

"I thought Amethyst lived under a bridge," she told Steven, making him laugh. Wow...she'd never been in a house that had marble floors before.

"Pearl! I'm home!" Steven called as he led Peridot through the spacious halls — they radiated a decidedly fairytale-esque aura, what with the rich magenta wallpaper, the elegant crystal chandelier, the gold-accented lamps and a mirror that she swore was pure silver. She shook her head to leave the trance and focused on the woman in front of her, who had appeared out of nowhere holding an iPad.

"Hello Steven — oh, who's this?"

Steven made the introductions: Pearl, Peridot. Peridot, Pearl. The woman actually had nothing in common with Miss Diamond's student teacher Pearl; whereas Diamond's Pearl was a sarcastic Italian woman, this Pearl was Indian and wore a blue bindi dot on her forehead, and was as momlike without being Steven's actual mom as actually possible. She took Steven and Peridot to a kitchen that glimmered of quartz countertops and stainless steel, sat them down at the kitchen table, and began slicing some apples. (Fuji for Steven and Golden Delicious for Peridot, yes, they had several different types; what was with this family and apples?) From where she sat, Peridot had a partial view of the cathedral of a living room, housing a baby grand piano that gleamed brand new.

"Er, Miss Pearl," Peridot said as Pearl set the plate of apples and yogurt in front of her. To this, the woman seemed surprised and brushed a lock of her dark brown hair behind her ear. She wore pink pearl earrings.

"Yes?"

"Are you..." She hesitated. "...Irritated with my presence in the kitchen? I could move."

"Oh no, it's fine! Make yourself at home, Peridot. We usually eat dinner in the dining room, anyway."

Peridot found her fingers running up and down the table, which was polished oak. Extremely expensive, especially with the matching plush chairs. It was hard to believe Pearl was just so...casual about her doing her homework here in such a beautiful place, especially as Steven ran off to play and the woman moved to the living room, leaving her alone.

The hypnotic notes of Debussy's Arabesques floated into the kitchen, eliciting an involuntary sigh from Peridot's mouth. She might as well just go with it; it was a rather peaceful environment. In the hour and a half, Peridot completed her algebra and Mandarin homework, leaving just a biology worksheet which she reasoned she would do with Amethyst.

Speak of the devil and he doth appear. The flapping of cheap flip flops echoed in the elegant halls. "Amethyst, your friend is in the kitchen!" Pearl called without stopping her flawless performance of Rêverie L. 68.

As Peridot scrambled up, Amethyst strolled through the kitchen door with a large black gym bag swung over her shoulder. She looked no less complacent and slobbish than ever, but in a sweat-stained tank top, mini shorts, and a massive messy bun that left little of her body to the imagination, her thick, toned limbs served more of the fresh-out-of-battle military aesthetic that made something deep inside her very tight and fluttery. The last thing she wanted was to be suplexed over the kitchen table. _Be nice,_ she reminded herself.

"Uh, hey." Amethyst, naturally, was the one to break the silence.

"Amethyst! Yes," replied Peridot, a little too quickly, and she grimaced. Amethyst didn't seem to notice as she plopped her bags on a chair and raided the walk-in pantry. "Your younger... _ahem,_ brother, Steven, offered to escort me here after school. I assume our plans were to complete your lab first, and if necessary, do our other assignments later?"

The older girl reappeared holding a bag of chips. "Sure, I guess. Hey, do you mind if I shower and change first? You can get set up or whatever you need. All my stuff's in my backpack."

Well...Peridot couldn't see why Amethyst couldn't just take her stuff out by herself, but the other girl was already strutting down the hallways and out of sight and Peridot wasn't left with an argument. Amethyst must just be tired. Yeah, that must be it. This attitude by itself perplexed Peridot, however; hadn't she just been grumbling about how much she resented the older girl? Still. There was something about popular people, especially popular people like Amethyst, that made you just want to please them. Was it a way she dressed? A way she talked? It wasn't as if Peridot was trying to prove anything to her, or to her friend group (she didn't know if Amethyst even _had_ friends) but whatever it was, it gave her this uncomfortable mix of inherent inferiority and superiority all in one and she couldn't sort it out.

She opened her lab notebook and reached for Amethyst's backpack. By now, Pearl had moved to the kitchen.

"Peridot, we're having chicken pot pie for dinner. Is that all right? Are you allergic to anything?"

She told her no, but thank you for asking Miss Pearl.

Amethyst arrived back downstairs as Pearl began chopping up vegetables for the pie and a full five minutes after Peridot had finished setting up (Amethyst's things were strategically at the end of the table at a ninety-degree angle to Peridot's things so that Amethyst would be discouraged from simply copying Peridot's paper, and maybe also because sitting too close to her reawoke the tight and fluttery feeling that she disliked). She was dressed now in no more clothing than before, just a crop top, pajama shorts, bare feet and a towel turban. Her face seemed rounder and healthier without makeup, actually, more... _alive._ As she sat down and unwrapped her towel, letting her wet hair tumble down her freckled shoulders, a faint scent of orange and something else pleasing wafted towards Peridot.

"So I guess we get started then." Amethyst picked up her pencil. Peridot shook her head and straightened her back.

"Er, yes. Of course."

It appeared that Amethyst _had,_ in fact, made an attempt at lab format, but according to her she had lost the template. Peridot asked well haven't you taken this class before and Amethyst responded yeah, duh, but d'you remember everything over summer break and Peridot said of course, I might need it later on and Amethyst finished the conversation with that's because you're a nerd. Peridot ignored that. She had quickly realized how taxing the job of teaching was and adapted with techniques right from the Five's Catholic school — assisting on the template, but making Amethyst think back to what she'd filled each space out with on her own. Hitting her with rulers if she got off track (not too hard). Title, partners, duration, procedure. Purpose, target, hypothesis. Dependent variable, independent variable, constants, unknowns, control group. For the data table, Peridot allowed Amethyst to copy her own, but mainly because they were running short on time and dinner was ready. "We'll get the analysis questions and conclusion done afterwards," Peridot told her "student", closing her notebook and pushing them neatly aside. "That wasn't so hard, wasn't it?"

Amethyst shrugged and stretched her arms, letting her hair cascade down her back. She really did have nice hair — in the half hour, it was almost dry despite its thickness, and the full tufts and locks that framed her face invited a hand to run through it. There was nothing subjective about that. "I dunno. You eating with us or what?"

A positive answer. She followed Amethyst through the spacious, silver halls and into the so-called "dining room", another one of these rooms with ridiculously tall ceilings and marble floors and insane crystal chandeliers. Above the empty head place hung an oil portrait of a very beautiful woman. There were three people already there — Pearl, setting the chicken pot pie onto the center of the table, Steven, and a neutral-faced black woman wearing what looked like a karate uniform and sports sunglasses. Somehow Peridot found herself in a seat squished between Steven and Amethyst directly across from the karate woman. Despite the china plates with the swirls on them and eye-catching cutlery which she swore was real silver, the one thing in the room that Peridot couldn't look away from was that woman.

"Who is this and why won't she stop staring at me," Peridot whispered to Steven. Amethyst overheard and snickered.

"Hehe, that's just Garnet. Garnet, this is Peridot."

"Garnet" raised her left hand in a taciturn equivalent of a wave, offering a clear view of a peculiar round patch of scar tissue on her palm. Then she simply went to take some chicken pot pie and kept eating, continuing to stare forward at...hmm. Peridot couldn't really see behind the glasses and it made her uncomfortable, but like any foster kid with common sense, she didn't question a host. Unless you are positive that you can reason with them about it, you never make a host go out of their way to accommodate you, even if you might not like the host, even if they aren't even your long-term host; you are to stay in your place even if you have to be a prick about it. Better to be blameless than comfortable. Even though these rules had never been stated explicitly, and even though Peridot didn't know they existed at all and didn't at any time think the above directly, there was something now instinctive to her that made her say _no._ _I will not ask, I will not even think about it._

"Garnet has an eye condition so she wears her shades all the time," said Steven through a mouthful of chicken.

"But she's still a fourth degree black belt," Amethyst added. Affirming both statements, Garnet nodded.

Peridot frowned, satisfied to have both her questions answered, but still perplexed.

What an odd family.

The meal was exquisite, if she did say so herself, and since a large part of her life was sustained by diets of discount chicken nuggets and cheezy poofs, the effect was magnified tenfold. The flaky crust melted on her tongue; the double portion of mixed vegetables underneath actually added more flavor instead of detracted. The chicken in its cream was full, fresh, and savory. Though still very hot, Peridot didn't reach for her drink until she'd wolfed down her entire serving, and before she could think about how quickly she'd eaten, she politely asked for Pearl to pass the dish again. Long story short, she realized her speed when she started getting "looks". _Oh god I did something wrong; what did I look like?! I must've been eating like an animal —_

"Peri," said Amethyst slowly, shoveling the last bite of her own portion into her mouth, "that was the best thing I've ever seen. I should get you in a pie-eating contest sometime."

"Sounds fun," Peridot responded without even the slightest semblance of sincerity. Her cheeks were burning and she buried them in another portion.

When they finished, Peridot offered to clean up with Pearl, but the woman shooed her off to continue working with Amethyst. "So, the analysis questions," began Amethyst, and Peridot nodded in affirmation, but then her phone vibrated briefly in her pocket. Text message. And normally Peridot wouldn't stoop so low as to take out her phone during a study session, but a brief check of the glowing screen gave her the words "coming home soon? did you have dinner there?" and she deemed it important.

"Sorry, I have to take this. That's my guardian, Vidalia," Peridot explained, never expecting the reaction she got.

"What? Wait, you know _Vidalia?!"_

Apparently. Peridot didn't say that, though. What was there _to_ say, even? Fostering wasn't just something you told all your friends and lab partners. But Amethyst really looked curious, so... "Y...yeah. She's...aaahhhhhh...my host. I'm a foster child."

"Dude," Amethyst's eyes were wide, and she shifted her weight so she could look Peridot in the eye. "That's pretty awesome, just sayin'. You get to live with the coolest lady in the world. So how long have you been staying with her? Has she shown you her..." Her voice dropped low and she glanced around dramatically, as if checking that no one else would overhear. "...her _gallery?"_

Her gallery? Did Amethyst mean Vidalia's artwork? "Er...yes, I've seen some of it." Peridot still wondered why the other girl spoke so furtively of it. "She has one in the living room, a landscape of a beach. She has an...interesting color palette."

Amethyst laughed — a full, genuine laugh very unlike the self-absorbed snickering that she'd only ever heard before until now. The sound was warming. "Yeah, tell me about it. So, has she painted you yet?"

Odd question. "No."

"How long have you stayed with her again?"

"Ah...I came on June 26th, at three in the afternoon, just this summer."

"Eh, like two months ago? She's probably sketched you or something. Trust me, the 'Dalia _loves_ life drawing."

"Hmm." Peridot mused that they should probably begin work again, but the conversation made her curious. For once, Amethyst seemed legitimately interested in what she had to say and it made her feel very good, similarly to how she would feel if she got a good grade on a test. Self-validation, that's what it was, but Peridot didn't know that's what it was called. "So...er...how do you know her?"

Amethyst twirled a lock of her hair, now completely dry and fluffy, idly around her finger. "She used to babysit me way back when, like when Rose and Pearl would be out and Garnet would be at school. Like, you know Sour Cream, right? Vidalia always brought him too and we were, like, best friends back then — get this, a long time ago, I used to be bigger than him."

The lanky, moody seventeen-year-old came easily to Peridot's mind — come to think of it, he and Amethyst could definitely get along. Not to mention the creative, spunky Vidalia. Yes, she could see it; and a babysitter? What messes must have been made.

The conversation ended somewhere around there as Pearl called a reminder across the kitchen to get working. But it was refreshing to know that she and Amethyst had at least one thing in common, even if that thing was a middle aged mom-crossed-artist who had fed both of them at one point or another. Peridot wondered who was the "Rose" figure that Amethyst had mentioned earlier, but no opportunity arose to ask that. They tore through the questions now. Rather than getting more frustrated as time went by, Amethyst seemed to be warming up to the subject material, complying with Peridot's critiques and spending just the normal amount of time to work out problems rather than the languid procrastination of the norm.

This kept up, of course, until Amethyst started growing tired instead and failed to correctly answer the question of "what time was it when we did this lab". As they both crawled despondently to the end of the conclusion, it was nearly eight o'clock and Amethyst was rubbing her eyes a little too often. Peridot couldn't blame her — she'd long since reached the point when all she wanted was to curl up at home on her bed with her faithful old Nintendo.

"I think we can call it a day now," Amethyst mumbled vaguely. "I'll just finish it tomorrow morning. I can do that..."

She stumbled over to a cabinet with one hand still ferociously rubbing at her eyes, as the other one pulled out a tub of white and orange bottles. Involuntarily Peridot jumped up — _drugs?!_ In all five previous houses, she'd never been allowed to take medicine on her own — but the older girl just popped out a couple tablets of Ibuprofen and a glass of water and downed it all in a couple gulps. Her hand remained over her eyes as she slumped against the refrigerator. "Sorry about that.I've got a  _monster_ headache, I might just go to bed now."

But they weren't done discussing all the lab components, and — and Amethyst's backpack still sat across from her. There was an algebra textbook and three other folders in it, nothing touched so far today, and according to Amethyst she had no study hall. "But you're not finished."

Amethyst's head lolled lazily and she finally opened her eyes just to grin humorlessly at Peridot. "That's what comes when you're 'involved', nerd," she drawled. "See, it's a double standard. What they say they want is for you to be a 'well-balanced student', but then they go and give you five hours of extra assignments on top of the seven hours you spend in their classes. If I wanna do a sport, I don't finish until 5:30, 6. And if I got a family then I gotta help them with chores or working. By the time I'm done, if I don't leave practice early, then it's like nine and I don't have time to do five hours! _And_ , since I want to take an elective, I don't have a study hall. See, if you don't do extracurriculars then you're not 'well-rounded', but if you do the electives and don't have time for your schoolwork then you're 'lazy'. It's a trap. They try to sound all-accepting and tell you just 'be yourself' and 'take care of your body'  but they only make room for industrial classes and expect you to live off four hours of sleep."

She finished with a huff. Admittedly, the speech was impressive, even uncharacteristically so, and Peridot got the feeling that she gave it often. "And who are 'they'?"

Amethyst took a swig of water and waved her hand. "Eh...I don't know! Capitalists, the bureaucracy. Everything's about the bureaucracy, Peri."

It wasn't a convincing argument and even with the complaints, the issue still remained — Amethyst hadn't finished anything and there were only two hours left until a healthy bedtime. The older girl, in her apparent pain and exhaustion, had slumped down until she sat on the floor, hand over her eyes again. And a little something came back to Peridot — something she'd overheard that one Friday. " _...Your quote-on quote 'disabilities' are making you too tired"._ Now Peridot believed she knew what disability it was that made it difficult for Amethyst to read, write, and concentrate for the extended period of time, but she didn't want to ask. Not yet. And if it wasn't anything and Amethyst was just stressed — well, Peridot knew stress better than anyone.

"I can help you on your algebra," she found herself saying. "If your — Miss Pearl is taking me home, then I should be permitted to stay as long as necessary. If you want it, that is." She could hardly believe what she had just offered, and added the last sentence partly in the hopes that Amethyst would decline.

Yet as Amethyst begrudgingly pushed herself up and the girls sat side-by-side, a strange sensation of euphoria bubbled in Peridot's chest. A victory to a challenge she didn't make. Something, perhaps, in how she opened her full lips and blinked so slowly.

"Okay, I guess," she responded quietly. "If you want."

.

Once, in a class before no-contact sparring, a young white belt had addressed Garnet with "so who's this tall glass of water". In response she shot forward like a rocket and scared the body fluids out of the boy, pulling her strikes and kicks back literally centimeters before they could touch him. Once he had tripped over the hems of his oversized _dobok_ did she stop, lean over, and tell him, "I am not water. I am Instructor Garnet."

For some reason it was this story that replayed in her head as Garnet made her way down from her bedroom, an empty cup in her hand. A tall glass of water indeed — she needed to keep hydrated at all times, after all. It, according to the position of the moon, was nearly midnight. Steven had long since gone to bed; the sleepless Pearl was probably still tinkering at her workbench, oblivious to time; and Amethyst...Amethyst's bedroom door was open and her bed empty. And what had become of that Peridot girl? The foyer and living room were all dark, but as Garnet descended further, she saw that the lights of the kitchen were still bright and burning.

And at the kitchen table, there was a sight that made a small smile prick at the corner of her lips (an impressive feat). Amethyst and Peridot were still in their seats, surrounded by empty cans of soda, stained paper napkins, stray pencils, completed math worksheets, and two perfect lab notebooks. Amethyst slumped backwards in the plush chair with her mouth open and Peridot rested her head on the table, snoring delicately into her folded arms. Her glasses were pushed up her forehead awkwardly, suggesting that she'd fallen asleep rather fast. Both girls were completely out. Didn't even stir when Garnet came in and turned on the faucet for her empty glass. Next to Peridot, her phone screen lit up with a message one hour old: _Vidalia — Are u ok? Are u still at Amethyst's? Getting worried._

Garnet cared for Amethyst first. No favoritism or anything, just convenience of still being in the house. The teen hardly noticed as Garnet pushed back her chair, lifted her over her shoulder like a small child, and carried her carefully up to her room. Already in her pajamas — she was dead to the world anyway — so Garnet lay her on her bed, put a light blanket over her, and turned on the fan to level 3 just as she liked on hot summer nights.

Silently, like she always did, she cracked open Steven's door as she passed and made sure he was okay before returning downstairs.

The young tutor didn't sleep quite as soundly as Amethyst, and was roused to reality just as Garnet began packing up her things for her. (It was pretty easy to tell which ones were hers — colorcoded composition notebooks with symmetrical labels and square letters in small capitals, nothing like the doodle-filled cardboard folders of Amethyst.) At first, Peridot seemed rather disoriented and went instantly on the defensive, her bony arms tensing around her and her body pulling back, as if ready to turn and run at the drop of a pin, as if expecting a blow. A blow, Garnet mused, towards her face — she'd turned her head just enough to tell that much.

Instead of speaking, Garnet only turned back to her task. As she zipped the girl's backpack up, Peridot realized that there was no immediate danger and sat up straight. "What time is it?"

The blue lights of the oven said 12:05, and Garnet relayed this to Peridot. "Your guardian is worried. I'll take you home," she said. Garnet had not intended it to be a suggestion. The child needed to get back.

Peridot didn't fall asleep in the car, but she was quiet enough to have anyway. "A long day," said Garnet after a little silence, and as she expected, the girl didn't answer. The sulfur-yellow streetlights swam past.

"Why do I do this stuff to myself?" she muttered instead.

Garnet did not respond.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> no real ending whoo im tired i need to go to bed too
> 
> OKAY i normally don't do two sets of notes but i know, i know peri is slightly out of character, having lost some of her pretentiousness. but in forming her human!version i mainly looked to how she interacts with jasper, YD and her work and, ah, less to when she acts like the bitchy manager who counts all the pennies and demands that everyone label their food except her yeah i havent had great employment experiences aNYWAY
> 
> so anxious peri. it mainly, i think, has to do with her being a foster child — i apologize VERY deeply if i don't get it entirely right and if i seem dismissing at any point. i grew up in a different environment than that but a similarly high-pressure situation, and struggle with similar anxiety, and i can tell you it won't just go away because i'm staying in a different house than before. so, like i said, peri with anxiety, so that's where that comes from. 
> 
> it's late. im sorry if this doens't make sense. i'll let you go now then


	5. Everything Stays

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> \- Everything Stays — Rebecca Sugar -
> 
> "Let's go in the garden,  
> You'll find something waiting...  
> Right there where you left it  
> Lying upside down"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A NOTE: this chapter’s some sexual discovery stuff. Nothing like super explicit, just two teen girls talking about aromanticism/asexuality and what it means. Just a headsup if anyone’s sensitive about that or anything, but i’ve written it to be as informative as possible so if you also have questions, this might help. This is very close to how I first jumped on the acetrain — I misidentified myself as asexual heteroromantic, yikes. So yeah…what you hear here isn’t much different from me a year ago.

The next morning as Peridot entered fourth hour, she couldn’t stop the flood of heat that surely showed on her face. _The appropriate method of handling this issue,_ she repeated mantra-like in her head, _is to ignore and flee from it altogether._ There wasn’t anything she could do to change anything that’d happened. She couldn’t remember anything she’d said after a certain time of the night — probably something embarrassing — and she couldn’t take it back. The one thing she could do was just not talk about it and hope that Amethyst wouldn’t judge her. _Avoid avoid avoid._

Easy for her to say when she wasn’t sitting next to her, which she had to three seconds later.

Nothing was said about falling asleep together in the kitchen, thankfully; in fact, there was no negative change in the girls’ exchanges at all. Amethyst seemed… _nicer_ now. She thanked Peridot for the perfect score on her math assignment (apparently the first one all this year) and even during the lecture drew an amusing if not accurate caricature of Miss Diamond. Without getting caught too, how admirable. All in all, Peridot didn’t need to fear falling asleep in Amethyst’s house, and I’ve just wasted one hour of my time on two hundred unneeded words.

“I guess we make a good team,” smirked Amethyst a day later, parading with the bright red **_C+ — Late, but impressively organized_ ** scripted across the top of her lab. “Whaddya say, Dot? Up for round two — we got the test next week and that new lab soon, right? With the water?”

Peridot suppressed a smile at how genuinely happy Amethyst seemed with her mediocre grade. As pathetic as it was, it had still been hard work and she could respect that. Perhaps improvement wasn’t impossible. “You were supposed to have set up lab format already. We are performing the experiment _today._ ”

“Okay, cool. Soooo…”

Amethyst apparently had absolutely no concept of time management and Peridot pointed to the rubric. Very obviously a kinetic learner, Amethyst needed clear movements to emphasize things. “Tonight you need to work on your analysis questions. Friday night is the conclusion, and the lab is due Monday. Don’t you have work today?”

“Ahhh, yeah, maybe Saturday then? Then we can have all the time we need!”

 _I wouldn’t get too excited about sitting in a room with ME for more hours than necessary,_ Peridot thought, but refrained from saying. Instead she responded, “That sounds reasonable.”

She prepared herself.

If Peridot were more arrogant and less practical, she certainly would have been the person to call Saturdays her “me days” — to reject invitations, put aside work, spin her schedule in revolution around an absolute do-nothing-day at the end of the week. Since she didn’t have room for being that frivolous, Saturday was still a viable work day and she would do chores, homework, tech work, and others without complaint, but if possible she wouldn’t leave the house. She slept in (‘til NINE). She’d indulge herself in something other than a spartan breakfast of oatmeal or cereal. Perhaps she might also watch a _television show._

Yes, Peridot liked Saturdays, but she also liked to be proud of herself, and to see Amethyst (her student, in a way!) succeed made her very proud indeed.

So on Saturday, Peridot woke up at eight, ate a filling egg sandwich, and watched a couple episodes of a weird cartoon with Onion. From what she observed of it, the show was a colorful coming-of-age series with heavy influences from older cartoons and Japanese anime, an abnormally diverse cast, and captivatingly dancelike fight sequences. Normally, Sour Cream would be down watching the cartoon because somehow it had an older audience as well, but he’d probably be sleeping until two in the afternoon. At nine thirty, Peridot packed up her things and strapped on her inline skates.

It was a beautiful morning for early September and she had been so daring to wear something more breathable — not-too-short shorts with folded hems, a Legend of Zelda shirt. The pebbled driveway of 100 Rosewood Court crunched under her sneakers as she switched out her skates, walked to the tall gates, pressed the intercom like Amethyst had instructed her, listened to the cheerful greetings of a thirteen-year-old boy, and strode confidently through the majestic walls for the second time that week.

Steven, just as he took the intercom, got the door. “Amethyst is in her room,” he explained. “I just tried to call her and I don’t know if she heard me. I…I think she’s doing music.”

So Amethyst wasn’t ready, or busy, or whatever she was doing…that possibility hadn’t crossed her mind.

“I guess you can try knocking. Her room’s upstairs. Or…uh, if you want, you can stay down and watch Crying Breakfast Friends with me!”

She had heard a lot about this Crying Breakfast Friends show lately from the boy and politely shook her head. “I appreciate the offer, Steven, but no. I’ll attempt to contact Amethyst.”

Only after she had started mounting the stairs did she realize that she probably should have asked what room was Amethyst’s, but it was once she’d finished that she decided she wouldn’t have to. It _was_ kind of obvious. Of the several doors lining the spacious magenta- and oak-themed halls, only two of the doors had any kind of decoration on them, and the first one had “STEVEN’S ROOM! PLS KNOCK IF CLOSED THANKS ^_^” in pink marker.

Then there it was, the furthest one down, plastered in purple and black and sparkly rhinestones that probably weren’t good to stick on oak. Closed all the way. One poster in particular read “NO BOYS ALLOWED. NO GIRLS ALLOWED. AMETHYST ALLOWED.” in the infamous Papyrus font, which made Peridot raise an eyebrow. A…a video game reference? From…a punk? Nevertheless, the issue still remained: that Amethyst’s door was closed and Peridot had no intention to open it, because the occupant sounded busy.

“ _…everything stays, but it still changes.”_

Amethyst was…singing?

_“Ever so slightly,_

_daily and nightly,_

_in little ways,_

_when everything stays.”_

The song tapered out, melding warmly with the careful plucks of an unseen guitar. As with her regular speech, Amethyst had a slightly raspy, high singing voice. Peridot would've liked to intrude just then, but Amethyst didn't stop picking at her guitar. There it went: from one key to the next, silent, and then a few picks of the lowest string.

_"Maybe you're better off with her..."_

Peridot took a breath in.

_"I think she's better for you._

_I forgot how great it felt to be us, guess I got carried away..._

_I had to use you to make me feel strong_

_But I don't care about that now..._

_I see a tower built out of my mistakes_

_And it all comes crashing down..."_

Her voice cracked at that and she lost the guitar's melody, so she switched to strumming. This song was different in a way that she couldn't quite place — the first one had just been a song, she could tell, but this one was just so _Amethyst_ that it had to be an original piece. Something about the choice in melody, the beats that fell perfectly in line with her deep breaths, the words themselves said that this was the girl behind the ripped jeans and ear piercings and too-loud headphones.

_"Is there something I can do...is there something I can do?_

_Is there something I can do..._

_Can I make it up to you?"_

Again the music tapered off and Peridot’s breath hitched involuntarily. From something unseen, there was an awkward scuffling, a pluck of an E string, and all of a sudden, door swung open and Peridot found herself facing balled fists and set shoulders.

Peridot yelped — Amethyst jumped back. Both girls’ eyes were wide. “ _Peridot?”_ Amethyst snapped. “How much did you hear?!”

“I didn’t mean to!” Peridot burst. The anger in Amethyst’s voice, in her clenched teeth was almost paralyzing. This had not been  “I — I just came up to find you and start work on the lab...I was only here for a minute, I swear!”

 _Oh god she’s not buying it._ The other girl had folded her arms and glared at the floor — obviously not an “ohh, that’s okay, I forgive you”. There was one other thing she could try. Peridot clasped her hands in front of her, inhaled, and closed her eyes.

“I’m sorry.”

In all honesty, Peridot didn’t know what to do after she’d closed her eyes — it had just seemed right, but when was the correct action afterwards? Should she wait for Amethyst to speak, or should she just leave? But before she could decide, a callused, yet gentle hand rested on her shoulder and she found herself inches from Amethyst’s abysmal eyes. She a curious mole on her chin that was actually…kind of pretty. She’d pulled her hair back…

“You’re cute, Peri,” she smiled softly. “Come on in.”

Even after she’d taken her hand away, the memory of the soft touch had been embroidered into Peridot’s mind. What a change of mood...she didn’t seem mad, though. That was good. But you could never be too careful – as Peridot followed Amethyst into her bedroom, she ran through the List of Western Courtesies that she had marked down during her years of failed communication attempts. Stuff like _say “thank you”. Ask before excusing self. Do not comment on appearances. FOR THE LOVE OF STARS, DON’T CALL PEOPLE CLODS. Do not talk about self. Refrain from debates about religion or politics. Do not —_

She never reached the end of this list because suddenly she got lost in the room.

First of all, it was huge, about three times the size of Peridot’s room back at the Yellowtails’. Second of all, it didn’t seem big because it was stuffed. The queen-sized bed, desk, chest of drawers, full drum set, and bowl chair took up enough space on their own, but then there were the clothes on the floor, crumpled music sheets drifting like snow, and the myriad of yard-sale candidates that made the room labyrinthine. The purple quilt was balled at the bottom of the bed, a guitar reclined on the many pillows, and assorted jackets hung from the bedposts. The desk made Peridot cringe — empty cups, bowls, and wrappers teetered on top of sketchbooks and shoeboxes. And the owner, equally messy in gym shorts and an overlarge Fall Out Boy shirt, stood as an awkward centerpiece of it all, scratching her ankle with her other foot.

“So, uh,” she gave a half-hearted laugh, “You can sit down, I guess. If you can find somewhere.” Hurriedly, she swept an armful of the desk stuff up and dropped it on her bed instead, letting Peridot sit at the desk chair. “I, uh, forgot you were coming, or I’d’ve straightened up a bit.”

“Why can’t we just work in the kitchen?”

Amethyst stuck her tongue out. “Pearl wanted to work on the deck, so she’s been walking in and out of there with lots of paints and stuff.” She’d halfway sunk into her bowl chair but suddenly her face lit up and she scrambled for the open window. “Hehe...hey, I don’t s’pose you got any water balloons in that giant backpack of yours, huh?”

Peridot eyed her suspiciously. “Why would I have…?”

“We could hit ‘er from here, if I aimed real good.”

“Wh — what?” Peridot couldn’t handle the suspense much longer and also jumped up to look out the window. Just as she feared, Pearl stood one story below them on a partly white deck, going over the same area of wood with a roller. Amethyst snickered at some devilish private thought and Peridot gave her another dubious glance.

“Have you previously assaulted her with liquid projectiles from this height?”

“Not too loud,” Amethyst warned her, and left the window to keep straightening up. “You can hear stuff through a window screen, dude.” She’d never answered the question.

Peridot perched in Amethyst’s desk chair again, noting the fine plush material of the purple seat cushion, the high quality if not timeworn wood of the desk, and the paper-thin laptop charging in the center of the workspace. The built-in compartments were crowded with all sorts of trinkets and oddities. Friendship bracelets, volleyball ribbons, wrestling medals, nail polish bottles, candy bars, gel pens of a million colors. Also of notice were these very specifically patterned labels attached to certain things, every time in the colors black, grey, white, and purple — on different occasions, an ace of hearts card, a letter A sticker on her assignment notebook, a cartoon whale on a button pin.

Against her better judgment, and because it was just sitting there in a pile of junk, Peridot picked up the pin and examined it more closely. “Do these colors have a significance?”

Amethyst was picking up her clothes at the time (fortunately, they seemed to all be semi-clean because she was shoving them back into her drawers), and it only took a second’s glance back for her to know what Peridot was talking about. “Ohh, my asexuwhale? I got it from a friend after I came out.”

Peridot had read encyclopedias. She had studied linguistics in an attempt to be better cultured. She had made it to third place in the state spelling bee and memorized a dictionary. And yet, for all her knowledge, she couldn’t decipher a single word of the sentence that Amethyst had just said. “What are you talking about?”

Surprisingly, Amethyst responded well to Peridot not understanding, nodding and simply explaining as she tidied up her floor a bit. “I’m asexual. So, you know, like, homosexuality, bisexuality, and stuff like that?”

“Er...yes.” Peridot shifted in the chair uncomfortably — ugh, if Amethyst asked her about being gay again...well. But Amethyst seemed perfectly prepared to explain without asking personal questions, so she listened.

“Those are all called sexualities, and they’re different for everyone because everyone likes different things. Like, you might be into guys, but Mrs. Lazuli’s into girls. Just ‘cuz you’re different. Heterosexual, homosexual. But asexuality is where you aren’t sexually attracted to anyone of any gender, and it’s like other sexualities. It’s just something that’s a part of us.”

It was interesting to be on the other side of the scale, where Amethyst was the teacher, and Peridot found it actually nice. She didn’t often think about sexuality because she was too busy, never found a reason to care, but this was intriguing. “So it’s like celibacy?”

Amethyst stood up with a bundle of clothes and shook her head. “No, celibacy’s just something you do for a reason. It’s the conscious choice not to partake in sex, nothing to do with attraction at all. Like...here, I’ll explain it to you.” Dropping the clothes in the drawer, she took two things from her bedside table and placed them on the desk in front of Peridot. One was a half-eaten donut and the other a French fry container.

“I know this is just a box, but pretend that it’s got fries in it. Some people just want to eat the donut. Other people want just the fries. Some people want both, and other people want all junk food and not just these. But asexuals, we’re just not hungry. Or if we _are_ hungry — that’s our sex drive — well, we just don’t want these. It’s not that we think they’re bad, it’s just that we don’t find them appealing. Celibacy’s when you’re on a diet.”

So...human beings who looked at other sexually appealing humans and did not feel a sexual desire? Interesting. But when she looked at Amethyst, she definitely didn’t see someone who _wasn’t_ attracted to hot people — in fact, Amethyst was the flirtiest, most promiscuous person she had ever forced herself to talk to. Just the other day she’d been hitting on the poor kid who sat behind them in biology. “I understand. But, with all due respect — I wouldn’t think that...asexual...would be the...the best descriptor of...er...you.”

Peridot found herself obsessively staring at her own shoes. Amethyst stepped back a little, but then she seemed to understand and gave a little laugh. “It’s more complicated than just outside looks, Peri,” she explained. “I flirt a lot just ‘cuz it’s fun, and — you think you can handle a corollary?”

She was taken aback by the usage of the word “corollary” but they _had_ been discussing math theorems before, so it was understandable. “Er...sure.”

There was still much to do to make Amethyst’s room presentable, but the older girl ignored them and sank into her bowl chair. She cleared her throat, and then:

“Sexual orientation isn’t the only deciding factor in how I talk to people. Relationships actually come in three kinds: sexual, romantic, and platonic, and both sexual and romantic orientations can differ in people. There’s also something called queerplatonic, but I don’t know much about that. Anyway. So not many people understand this, but sexual attraction and romantic attraction are actually totally different things and you can have different types of attraction in both. For instance, I identify as asexual panromantic ‘cuz I don’t feel sexual attraction to people, but I feel romantic attraction to people of any gender.”

“So...sexual and romantic attraction are separate things? What’s the difference?”

“Sexual is, well, you know. Sexual feelings. It’s about the body. Romantic attraction, it’s more emotional than anything — you can be aesthetically pleased by the person’s appearance, but it’s not sexual, it’s just kinda looking at someone and thinking they look nice, like looking at a nice painting, and it normally goes hand in hand with romantic attraction. Romantic attraction is the need to do romantic things, like cuddling and going on dates. Basically: aesthetic is ‘i wanna look at you’, platonic is ‘I wanna hang out with you’, romantic is ‘I wanna date you’, sexual is ‘I wanna screw you’.”

“I...I see.” Peridot didn’t really — cuddling could still be a very physical act, going on dates wasn’t a real clear description; what was the line between the two? She understood the sexual part but _romantic_ attraction? She’d never known such a thing existed. To her, human courtship existed for procreation. All those pre-intimacy rituals were just to test the waters; people didn’t actually _want_ to waste time on cliched “I love you”s and candlelight dinners and “be my valentine”s...right?

“You look like you’re doing some serious self-eval,” Amethyst leaned forward and smirked. “Spill it, gurl. Like, if you want. I don’t tell.”

The invitation initially repelled her — why would she reveal any of her personal thoughts to a girl she barely knew?! — but then she reasoned that, well, she was sitting in Amethyst’s room, listening to her talk about her love life, right after hearing a probably quite personal song. And anyway, she had the upper hand here, technically. Amethyst couldn’t hold anything over her head if Peridot didn’t have any friends, nyehehehe!

...That ended up sounding a lot sadder than she’d thought, actually.

Well, there wasn’t much that could go wrong from this, other than possibly Amethyst judging her forever for the rest of her life, but there was a self-destructive pattern in her mind that went something like [casually tell person something terrible about self in attempt to seem chill — person says “that sounds unhealthy oh my god” — say “haha yeah I know” in second attempt at chill — think about it for several fortnights and remind self to never speak to living organisms again]. So she went ahead and said it.

“I believe I can empathize with your descriptions,” Peridot announced. “I have never, nor believe will I ever, have interest in intimate pursuits such as the _romance_ you describe.” Hesitating, she thought back to her few encounters with things that might have been considered sexually stimulating (as she was fifteen years old and a recluse, there weren’t many, and her experiences were limited to accidental internet porn discovery and reluctant trips to public swimming pools, most of which had consisted of unimpressive white males anyway). But she believed it was safe to dismiss sexual attraction just as Amethyst had, and inclined her chin.

“What is the term you would use for one who experiences neither romantic nor sexual attraction?”

Amethyst caught on pretty quick and gave a sly grin. “It’s called asexual aromantic, ace-aro for short.”

“Hmm. Ace-aro.” Peridot let the words roll around in her mouth and her mind for a few seconds before nodding. It was comforting to have a label, a classification. It felt a little off somehow, but she supposed she didn’t have anyone else to exactly talk to hence no one to tell about her sexuality, so if the identification turned out to be inaccurate then she had all the time she needed to research more. Perhaps there were subcategories of asexuality — it could hardly be so simple as “no sex, yes sex”.

She cleared her throat and touched her fingertips together like she often did, then looked Amethyst in the eye. “Amethyst, I’m going to say something,” she announced and took a breath. “Thank you. I have found your information of notable interest.”

The other girl beamed. “No problem, P-dot. So do you think you’re…?”

The question was unfinished but clear. With careful hesitation, Peridot nodded and moved to set the whale pin back into its jar, but then Amethyst stood up. “You can keep that if you like it. From one ace to the next, you know?”

“Oh.” The pin was now quite warm from the heat of her hand and, unsure, she dropped it in her backpack again. “Thank you. So…I don’t suppose you have your lab materials.”

“If you got no more questions about Aceworld, then I’m all set,” Amethyst tossed her notebook in the air and caught it from behind. Seemingly from nowhere, she whipped out a folding chair and sidled next to Peridot, so casually that it almost seemed out of character. That was when Peridot realized it:

Amethyst was acting differently because she’d been _flirting_ before, and now she wasn’t. Curious.

“All right then. Do you have your lab format written yet?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *yelling from the end of bar, covered in cashews* HWAT GOOD ENDING?/ I DON'T.,CARE??


	6. Tongue Tied

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> \- Tongue Tied — Grouplove -
> 
> "Take me to your best friend's house,   
> Go around this roundabout, oh yeah  
> Take me to your best friend's house,  
> I loved you then and I love you now"

For once in Peridot’s life, things were going rather well. She was doing fine in all of her classes, and though the double workload in biology was a bit much and she teetered on the lower end of an A, the one half of it was invigorating — meaning the Amethyst half. Two days a week, either on Tuesday and Thursday or Tuesday and Saturday, Peridot would ride the bus or take the short skate over, sit in the company of Steven or one of the others, and complete any shared homework with Amethyst.

Perhaps, if she was gracious, she could describe the meetings with Amethyst as  _ “hanging out”,  _ especially on Saturdays; then, they tended to waste more time discussing topics outside the subject material. Peridot learned a lot from these discussions. Don’t button your shirts all the way up. The cafeteria at the local university had deals where if you could fit it in a certain container, you could get it no extra price. Winged eyeliner could be perfected using tape under your eye. Cut the corners off your weekly planners when you finish the week so that you can flip to your place right away. Peeling bananas from the bottom make the banana strings not happen. Education of the kind that she called  _ real info.  _ “This,” explained Amethyst, “is stuff you’re gonna use. Like, I’m never gonna need imaginary numbers, but everyone eats bananas.”

As the two girls continued to meet, however, it became clear that complete tutoring was not necessary and that Amethyst’s one problem was in her work ethic. Sometimes she would work well, but other times Peridot would look away for a second and Amethyst would be glued to her phone, toying with her drumsticks, or drawing in her notebook margins. This was easily solved. When Peridot came over or Amethyst came home, the younger girl would hold out her hand and say, “Phone, pens, other” and Amethyst would deposit any items of distraction into Peridot’s temporary care. If Peridot caught her drawing, she would gently rap the back of her hand.

It also quickly became clear the reason for Amethyst’s frequent headaches — nearly every night about two hours in, she would get up and down a dose of Ibuprofen. After a couple instances of this, Peridot worked up the courage to ask what the problem was. It was eight o’clock and they were working on a test study guide together.

“I just get headaches when I look at text too long, s’all,” Amethyst shrugged the question off. “I think it’s dyslexia, but reading isn’t hard, it’s just like, things look warped on paper and it hurts after a while. So Pearl says I don’t have it.”

Peridot leaned forward, beginning a mental list. “Are you sensitive to light?”

Her brow furrowed as she thought. “Yeah, kinda.”

“Hmm.” Amethyst’s study guide lay not far from Peridot’s hand and she looked over the slanted, misspaced words that constituted the older girl’s handwriting. “I would ask your optometrist, but I believe you may have Irlen’s Syndrome. It’s a condition in the nervous system about how your eyes process different wavelengths of light.”

This was apparently new information to Amethyst because she sat up, eyes very wide. “What? Wait, how do you know?”

Peridot pushed her glasses up her nose and sat back as she put together a few more pieces and realized that she was probably right. Difficulty reading in fluorescent light — Miss Diamond’s classroom had only fluorescent lights. Trouble reading music — despite the sheet music drifting across Amethyst’s room, many of it was scribbled out or seemed to never have been touched. She’d never once seen Amethyst using it. Headaches, drowsiness while reading, short concentration.

“I was nearly misdiagnosed with it a couple years ago when I complained about headaches while reading,” explained Peridot. “It turned out that they had simply given me the wrong prescription for common nearsightedness, but I learned a little about Irlen’s in the experience. The only treatment that I know of consists of colored glasses or contact lenses but it’s apparently very effective.”

“Whoa.” Amethyst sat down and stared blankly at her papers, then at her own hands. “So I was right; there  _ is  _ something wrong with me.”

Peridot could have made a mean joke right then, but voted against it.  _ Don’t be rude,  _ she reminded herself.

But a couple weeks later, when Peridot came into fourth hour and saw Amethyst wearing violet-tinted glasses, she couldn’t help but feel stiflingly proud of herself. Not just because she’d helped an acquaintance and been correct about it, but also because now, Amethyst was cooperating better than ever. Now that she could read and study for longer amounts of time, Peridot found her more agreeable, much preferred to the Amethyst who got too many headaches and couldn’t concentrate without getting angry.

September had whizzed past; Peridot had all A’s and Amethyst was solid B’s and C’s. One crisp Saturday at the beginning of October, both girls were bent over Amethyst’s laptop looking at the online report card. “Our goal is to raise  _ that,”  _ Peridot pointed to the 84.6% in Biology, “to 93.0 before the end of first semester. And judging by your progress in the past few weeks, you just might be able to do it!”

“Why 93?” asked Amethyst. She fiddled with her glasses —they made her look much older than sixteen — and reclined with her arms behind her head. The position was strangely addicting to look at.  _ Aesthetically attractive,  _ Peridot mused to herself. The vocabulary of sexualities was perplexing, but she was beginning to get the hang of it.

“I would have originally set the goal to one hundred percent, but your poor beginning made such a score impossible. If you score perfectly on everything from now until the end of the semester, you may be able to get a 95, but obviously that’s not a realistic goal.”

She winced at the look of absolute  _ scandal  _ that crossed Amethyst’s face and instantly jumped to fix her mistake.

“N – not that I don’t think you  _ could  _ do it, just that it’s…ah…probably not the best method…?”  _ Oh stars I screwed up I screwed up.  _ She took a deep breath in, turned fully to face Amethyst, and did that little hand motion thing when she was trying to recompose herself ( _ yes, you piece of overanalytical Tumblr garbage, you know which one that is).  _ “It’s just that…aiming for perfection isn’t for you. It’s not for anyone.”

Amethyst folded her arms. “And why’s that?”

Because — because — oh, what was the point? She was sick of the questioning, the dancing. Peridot broke. “Look, Amethyst, I know what’s wrong with me. You don’t have to think it. I am a perfectionist and it is breaking me apart — I’m not allowed to make mistakes, and if I can’t do something the first try, I’m nothing!” Peridot forced a fatalistic laugh — she’d never admitted any of this before, not even to herself, but somehow here it was spilt all over the floor. “I can't give you that goal because it doesn't work. I was brought up thinking that 100% was my only option ever and that’s why I hate myself!”

She hadn’t noticed the last sentence slipped out until Amethyst’s eyes widened and she lost her casual pose. Peridot involuntarily flinched back.  _ Oh stars no. You stupid clod why would — why would you SAY something like that?! She’s going to JUDGE YOU! _

But Amethyst just repeated very softly, “You hate yourself?”

Peridot had bit her lip so hard that the taste of iron flooded her mouth, and she reached for the tissue box to staunch the accidental wound. “Forget about it.”

“What? No, Peri — ” Two hands clamped around her arms, setting off a strange clenching in Peridot’s gut and causing the rest of her body to freeze up. In the uneven light of Amethyst’s room, the blue glow of the laptop screen, the decorative purple lights strung up on her curtains, the intense white of her desk lamp, the older girl’s round face was left silhouetted and Peridot couldn’t stop staring.

“Look at me,” Amethyst said, standing up, and even whipped off her glasses so they were eye to eye. “You’re, like, the smartest, coolest, most confident person I know. And if anyone says that they don't like you just the way you are, tell me, and I can punch ‘em for ya.”

She grinned and cracked her knuckles for emphasis, but Peridot was mostly enthralled with the other thing she’d said. Cool and confident was like the last thing she’d use to describe herself, yet, there it was. “You…” she stammered, “you think I’m… _ cool?” _

Amethyst reached for her tinted glasses again, still smirking. “I mean, you’re still a nerd. But you’re a cool nerd. I, uh, I dunno if I’ve really told you this before, but I really like hanging out with you, even if it is just for school.”

Try as she might, Peridot could see no deceit in Amethyst’s round, steady eyes. “Are you saying that you want to be…” Peridot hesitated, prayed that she was right in her terminology here, and coughed, “to be friends?”

Amethyst’s face lit up. “Well, yeah! You’re awesome, P-dot, and I really wanna be there for you. If you want.”

It wasn’t like she had much of a choice — well, she did, and Amethyst was nice enough to leave that open-ended — but this was something new and Peridot didn’t know how to respond. If she said yes, was there some sort of catch? A certain binding ritual the new “friends” would have to complete? A requirement to fulfill? Was it customary to stay up ‘til the wee hours of the morning talking via electronic communication or was that just television dirt? She glanced around helplessly, then down at her hands, and out of the corner of her eye she saw the little asexuality pin still glimmering in the pocket of her backpack. She’d never taken it out not because she had forgotten it, but because it felt good to have something of a friend’s to carry with her.

_ Something of a friend’s. _ So her brain had betrayed her before her mouth.

“Hey, uh, Peri? You okay?”

Peridot realized she had been staring straight forward, completely speechless, and that Amethyst was waving her hand in front of her face. She shook her head to clear herself. “I — I would love to,” she stammered, then realized  _ oh clod that sounded stupid —  _ “Er, I mean, whatever dude!”

A smirk plucked at Amethyst’s lips and she gently nudged Peridot’s shoulder. “You’re funny. I mean, I totally know where you’re going with the hating yourself thing though.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, Pearl and Garnet have been on my tail with my grades for years, always saying that I shouldn’t be struggling so much just because  _ they  _ were fine. Ugh, give me a break.” She collapsed back into her bowl chair (a favorite, apparently), and reached for a stray sketchbook that hung over the edge. “Like, I mean, I did pretty good when I was little, like A’s and B’s all through elementary school, but it was  _ never  _ good enough for them! So a couple years ago I just…stopped trying.” She shrugged and flipped open the book.

In the darkest corners of her mind, Peridot could dig up what that felt like — a few times when she’d come across things she just couldn’t figure out, when she’d panicked and wanted to do nothing but give up. She could  _ understand. _

“But you can’t do that,” she said. The 84.6% winked on the screen and she clenched her fist. “You have the mental capacity to achieve anything, even if it isn’t perfect the first time. If you have the abilities, why don’t you use them? You could be so great!”

There it was again. The smirk. But it was sadder now, and Amethyst seemed to sink lower into her chair. “That’s literally what I just told  _ you.” _

All at once, a silence crashed into the room. Peridot couldn’t think of a response.

At some point in your life, you’ll meet someone who can hear your thoughts, jumbled, raw as they are, and know exactly what you mean. Soul mate, twin separated at birth, whatever you call it, you will know when you’ve met them, when you look up and see their broken eyes mirroring your own. When you meet them, heed a word from me — take them by the hand and hold them close to you and never, ever let them go, because if there is one thing that can save a life it is the knowledge that someone knows. That someone understands.

And as Amethyst smiled to Peridot and Peridot stretched an awkward grin back, though neither girl knew it, it was the start of an alliance that could break the world apart. It was  _ you’re not alone  _ and  _ we’re gonna do this together,  _ not against,  _ with. _

“You know what’s a good way to fix this for a while? To stop doing this workaholic biz?”

The question was sudden and Peridot frowned. “What?”

“Join a club.” Amethyst’s hand began to move across the paper just then, pulling a pencil in long, effortless strokes across the page, and before Peridot could speak she had delved irreversibly into both her speech and the drawing.

“There’s a special meeting of Sci-Fi club in three weeks, a Halloween party. You know that one geeky cartoon about the science experiment kids and the nerdy dad?  _ Eli and the Weirdos?” _

She certainly did — Sour Cream and Onion were obsessed with it. For Sour Cream, not so much obsessed as just really, really involved, because whenever there were new episodes he would get a livestream up and make a “Sour Cream Watches EatW” for his YouTube channel and then talk about fan theories that didn’t even make sense. Granted, she’d only seen a scattering of episodes and probably none in order.

“Regrettably.”

“I know, right? The fandom's, like, insane. But yeah, me and a bunch of the kids from school, Sour Cream too, we’re doing a group cosplay of a bunch of the characters, and…yeah, I just kinda thought, you know?” Laughing half-heartedly, Amethyst flipped her drawing pad around and showed Peridot what she’d sketched in the minute she’d been talking. On the page was a fast but surprising likeness of a slim girl who…who kinda actually looked like Peridot, from the bobbed hair to the round glasses and awkward stance. But in this drawing, the girl wore a slim collared vest, combat boots, and her hair over one side of her face like Amethyst.

“I have some old boots you could borrow, and Pearl is a wiz with the sewing machine,” Amethyst was rambling, flipping the pad over and beginning to sketch some more. “Hmm…the show style is super simplified, so maybe we could glam this up?”

Peridot frowned. “What are you talking about?”

_ Oh what have I gotten myself into. _ When Amethyst lowered the sketchpad, revealing an inch of her nasty grin at a time, Peridot prepared herself for something not good. It was quite easy to read her facial expressions, actually. This one meant “I’m gonna freak out about something trivial and completely unrelated to school, and you’re gonna listen because that’s how this works”.

“I’m takin’ you to Sci-Fi club. In costume.”

.

In all truthfulness, Peridot did have no idea what she was getting herself into by agreeing to the proposition of  _ cosplay,  _ or by also agreeing to watch  _ Eli and the Weirdos  _ in order to pull off the most accurate representation of her character. It really didn’t sound hard at first. They would continue to meet twice weekly as normal, but in the period of time when Amethyst had not yet gotten home, if Peridot had finished her work, she was to go straight to the movie room in the basement and watch a few episodes on Netflix. If she got lost, Steven, who was also well versed in the show, would help her.

The costume itself was to be of no concern to her; Pearl had everything under control. “Isn’t that…of inconvenience to you?” Peridot asked cautiously at one point. Pearl did not have another job, but she was taking classes at the community college and managed the entire house by herself. Yet she seemed perfectly fine here in her special little sewing room, with a quaint desk with a sewing machine and shelves lined with sheaths of fabric, thread, yarn, and supplies. Pearl faced her with a tape measure around her neck and requested Peridot hold out her arm.

“It’s of no problem at all, Peridot,” Pearl hummed as she took measurements and marked them down on a notepad. Everything Pearl did was satisfyingly organized. “I love to sew. I’ve actually made Steven’s and Amethyst’s costumes months in advance, so right now I’m just sitting and twiddling my thumbs, haha!”

Pearl really tried for some reason, and Peridot could appreciate that. She feigned a laugh as the birdlike woman fluttered around to her other arm. “Uh, okay…”

So the costume was largely out of her way and Peridot focused more on her schoolwork and watching  _ Eli and the Weirdos.  _ Even with the compressed schedule, Amethyst was determined to make her watch at least most of the series.

“You’re going as Syl in season three,” she explained a few hours after they had originally made the arrangement. “So you’ll have to squeeze in a lot of episodes between now and Sci-Fi. There are about thirty-five episodes in each season and three is halfway through — ”

“To get the most of the story, I will have to rewatch episodes I have seen previously. You are asking me to watch  _ eighty-seven _ episodes in twenty-seven days,” Peridot said.

She could see the other girl doing the mental math. “Eh, that’s just like three episodes a day, and since they’re like ten minutes each, it’s super easy. And trust me, it’s a little slow to start with, and the art style is kinda hard to get used to, but once you’re in  _ you are in. _ You could also skip a couple eps if you’re really desperate, like the April Fool’s special.” Amethyst scrunched up her face in disgust.

So Peridot was in.

“Just one or two for today, and then I’m going home,” she insisted as Amethyst and Steven eagerly shoved her onto the luxurious couch and scrambled for the remote.

Four hours later, it was ten P.M. and she was halfway through season one.

Granted, Amethyst’s hypothesis of Peridot’s preferred show genre was impressively accurate, especially as Peridot was not in many, quote, “fandoms”, unquote, on her own and did not even know her own niche. It was a near-future science fiction setting crafted to appeal to an early teenage audience with hints of adult humor. The conflict centered around artificial gene synthesis and synthetic human conception; on a smaller scale, it was about a normal family doing normal family stuff like putting rocket boosters on wheelchairs and saving the world from deadly viruses. The main characters were a quirky, diverse family of four adopted test-tube kids, an older clone sister who pruned her garden with a sword, a nonbinary cyborg brain, and an eccentric father/genetic engineer whose personal office gave Peridot the impression of her heaven. 

This was okay. It was ten thirty now and Vidalia had texted her.

As the credits flicked by and Netflix asked  _ Are you still watching?,  _ Garnet walked in. Peridot was about to tell her that yes, they were fine, and yes, she supposed she  _ should  _ go home now, but then she registered a warm weight in her lap. At first she’d thought it was Steven snuggling up to her because he’d been on the right side before, but the boy had moved to the recliner and lay with popcorn stuck in his curls and a pink blanket cocooning his body. There was certainly a person curled up catlike and snoozing on her and it was none other than Amethyst.

How long had she been there? Why hadn’t Peridot noticed before?  _ How much had she gotten sucked into the show?!  _ Amethyst’s soft lavender hair spilled across her legs and over her hands, which had fallen limply by her sides in her show obsession. She must have fallen asleep rather rapidly, but there was no way the position was accidental, and Peridot wondered what it meant. A friendship thing?

Garnet smiled very slightly, which according to the Garnet Encyclopedia of Facial Expressions, was the equivalent to knee-slapping, ground-rolling belly laughter. As Peridot threw her a look that hopefully conveyed the hopeless  _ help me please  _ she was feeling at the time, the woman just picked Steven up like a large infant in her wiry arms, leaving behind his blanket.

“That is _your_ issue,” she whispered over her shoulder, nodding towards Amethyst.

A terrifying prospect. Numbly, Peridot turned off the television, took a deep breath, and stared at the sleeping girl in her lap. Though she had technically been in the presence of a quiescent Amethyst before, Peridot had been the one to fall asleep first (she didn’t even remember it happen) and wondered if this was how she had left Amethyst back then. Unsure of what to do, wanting to wake the other but not to disturb the rich, deep peace of sleep. Amethyst’s face, even as leisurely as she was awake, took on a younger and softer appearance as all her muscles relaxed and she breathed softly. Like a child. She had taken off her glasses because she wasn’t reading anything, so her cheek pressed warmly against Peridot’s thigh and it made her feel very weird. This was not a position she desired (at least, not yet, but she didn’t know that). 

Gingerly, Peridot slipped her hands underneath Amethyst’s head and neck, lay her on the couch, and draped Steven’s fleece blanket over her for good measure. In the warm light of the hallway that spilled through the door, a ribbon of gold traced its way down her round jaw, winked off her three ear piercings, and let Peridot watch the gentle rise and fall of her ample chest. She really was aesthetically pleasing…

And she was staring. Peridot shook her head, only to look up towards the door and see Garnet standing there. Completely deadpan, the woman gave her a thumbs up.

“Gah — ! Hmph,” Peridot managed to make her exclamation quieter and more indignant. “Right, I’m coming.”

Once Peridot and Garnet had left, a little smile grew on Amethyst’s lips. 


	7. Disgusting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> \- Disgusting — Miranda Cosgrove -
> 
> "It's disgusting how I love you,  
> I can't take it, I should hate you  
> 'Cause you're messing up my name  
> Gotta walk my talk, my fame  
> But I just wanna touch your face,  
> It's disgusting!"

Only two things in such a secluded, Midwest city could get large numbers of young people so riled up — Sci-Fi Club and Pumpkinfest.

The first we’ve already introduced and will detail in the next chapter. The second was an old tradition-turned-citywide festival, meriting even a shortened school day for its parade and closing of most downtown businesses. According to Amethyst, Pumpkinfest was about two weeks long — she knew this because she worked at the bakery, which contributed about five hundred full pies to the festival every year. During the fest, there would be a carnival, a parade, fireworks, downtown trick-or-treating, competitions, and the famous pumpkin-decorating contest (the teens’ categories of which were habitually dominated by the high school’s art department). And you’d think it was just for kids, but no, _everyone_ liked Pumpkinfest. Who _didn’t_ like arranged days off school?

The parade was Friday, and since Peridot wasn’t involved in any sports, clubs, or special electives, she just took the school bus back (as the only person riding). When she got home, the house was almost empty — Vidalia had taken Onion to see the parade and submit his decorated pumpkin, which vaguely depicted an octopus, and Sour Cream was helping with the music department’s float. Yellowtail’s weird car was in the driveway but he wasn’t in the house; maybe he’d gone with the others.

Feeling strangely hollow, Peridot sat at her desk in her room and pulled out her laptop. She’d just watch a couple more episodes of _Eli and the Weirdos,_ then she’d feel better _..._ she was almost done with the second season and estimated that she would be caught up long before her cosplaying debut as Syl Ben-David.

But somehow she just couldn’t bring herself to bring up the episodes and ended up lying on her bed.

"What's wrong with you?" She rolled onto her side. Her twin bed was, like always, perfectly made, but a small drift of school papers had accumulated next to her head in just the couple minutes she'd been in the room. The top one was Amethyst’s draft of her costume. And unlike the first time she’d seen it, she recognized certain elements of it now that she had watched some of the show: true to the canon design, Peridot would have curl the ends of her rapidly-growing hair (rather than its original bob, it was nearly down to her shoulders now and she wore it more often in a high, tight bun), part it on the side, and maybe dye it temporarily green. Her glasses would stay but Amethyst had also told her about colored contacts if she got real dedicated because Syl had green eyes. The outfit was apocalyptic-combat grunge and pale ballet aesthetic all in one. After all, the character _was_ a dancer, and even her fight scenes retained the grace and posture of a prima ballerina.

She could see too where this had come out in Amethyst’s drawing. Though quickly applied, the minimal lines expressed a unique balance and movement to the figure, leaving her to seem as if at any time she could lift her body in an arabesque across the page. Peridot didn’t even know how to do an arabesque. But she thought of Syl, she heard the piano in her head, and against all common sense, Peridot had pulled up a YouTube video of Syl’s theme and was on her feet.

At the first delicate arpeggio, Peridot lifted her arms in an imitation of an oval, forced her feet into an awkward first position, and breathed. Already it was hard to stand with her feet turned out like that and she wobbled, but as the elegant piano floated through the air she shifted the wobbling into movement, an unplanned jump sideways. It probably looked nothing like real ballet but Peridot had committed — as the music swelled she lifted one foot up to her knee and threw herself into a pirouette.

And slipped on the rug, flew in the air, and landed on her butt.

“Ugh…”

It could be said that she could not dance. At least, not ballet of all things. Rubbing her shocked and sore derriere, Peridot pushed herself into a more comfortable position but then just ended up lying down again on the worn shag rug, breathing heavily and staring up at the glow-in-the-dark stars scattered across her ceiling. They'd been there before she'd moved in but she did like them; one cluster vaguely resembled the constellation Ursa Major.

"What am I doing?" Peridot asked herself unbidden. "This is pointless! I'm a wreck. I don't even know why."

Involuntarily her voice dropped into a groan at the last sentence. There she went again, being emo and philosophical when there was math homework to do. Resolutely she thumped her head on the ground once more just ‘cuz, struggled up, and switched the pretentious piano music to something with trance plucks and synth tones. If she’d ever lower herself so far as to really “dance”, it would be to something more like this. She could never dance like Syl. Peridot was all left feet and gangly limbs _and_ she was top heavy, despite having little in her A-cups to call her own. She couldn’t dance like that, not now, not ever. It was a stupid attempt — whatever it was.

Even still, there was something intrinsically alluring about the thought of dance. Like Syl and Viv in Episode 9, like one girl’s slim small hand supporting the other’s curving waist, like the foggy persistent lights of backstage, there was something quite poetic in the thought. The elegance, the trust, the closeness that would weave its way through a successful dance...

Just as she sat down and opened her algebra book, her music switched off and her default ringtone replaced it. It was Amethyst.

What could _she_ be calling for? They had not planned a Saturday session and Peridot had little left of her costume to finish. Like an alarm clock, the phone rang and rang and she could not, regardless of her obligation, lift her hand to silence it. The indecision was fatal and she couldn’t quite place why. _Come on, clod. Pick up the phone._

Finally she jabbed the screen, switched on speaker, and said cautiously, “This is Peridot.”

Perhaps it was merely the poor quality of the phone’s speaker, but it sounded as if Amethyst was calling from amidst a large, noisy crowd. _“Hey, where are you? I’m here with Vidalia and the kids but you never showed up, did you go home?”_

Ah, right. Amethyst was “tight” with the host family. “Er, yeah,” Peridot spun up a lie and prayed it was opaque enough. “I felt ill.”

_“Oh no, are you okay? ‘Dalia says she could come home if you want…”_

Making someone go out of their way just to keep up a lie? “I’m...fine,” Peridot responded. “Just a temporary ailment. Nothing to worry about.”

Much quieter now, she picked up Amethyst talk to someone else slightly out of her phone’s range. “ _She’s fine, said no,”_ was all she could make out before the other girl was back, her voice significantly bouncier. _“That’s good, soooo….”_

Her end went relatively quiet for a cough.

_“I guess I was calling because, you know I forget to make plans and stuff if I wait?”_

“I’m aware.”

_“Ehehe, yeah. Sooo...anyway...I wanted to ask you if you’d like to, you know, come downtown with me tomorrow?”_

Peridot’s eyes narrowed inadvertently at this. “For what?”

She imagined the other girl shrugging nonchalantly, just because she felt like it was something she’d do. (She was right but she couldn’t see that.) _“Y’know, just Pumpkinfest stuff. Like the carnival and the pumpkin awards, and there’s a lot of free stuff from certain stores. I’ve been like every year since I was in diapers.”_

The offer didn’t sound exclusively appealing, but who didn’t like free stuff? “At what time is this endeavor?”

There was another unclear conversation out of the other phone’s reach, then Amethyst was back: _“Ummm...I’ve got work from eight to two, so I could pick you up and we’d head over like two thirty-ish. I can pay for anything.”_

“You don’t have to — ” came automatically but Amethyst brushed it off.

 _“It’s no prob, P. I’ve gotcha.”_ And no matter how Peridot protested that she would pay for her own wishes, Amethyst would take none of it and by the time they were done it was pretty well established that Peridot was at least feeling well enough to argue.

By the time Amethyst had to hang up and join the parade, a slight smile floated unbidden on Peridot’s lips.

.

So that’s how Peridot ended up in the passenger seat of a frail, dented white Toyota, legs crossed demurely above various car clutter as Amethyst flicked through radio stations.

Like much else about her, Amethyst’s car smelled like a bakery, notably pumpkin pie, and this made her realize she probably should have eaten at home to prevent herself from getting hungrier and costing Amethyst more. Now she was really hungry. Nevertheless Amethyst was in high spirits despite having just come from work; she really had made the impression of someone not ready to judge, but you could never be too sure.

Right now she was telling a story of the time a new employee had messed up an order and instead of making ten cinnamon rolls made one hundred, followed quickly by a story of how the Universe household had survived solely on cinnamon rolls for two weeks. Her thick, billowing hair was up in a loose bun not unlike Peridot's small tight one, but which gave her the air of a crowned queen, the soft locks framing her round, smiling face. Simple makeup, nothing more than the thinnest line of mascara and cheap sparkle lip gloss. Despite the chill of the cloudy October day, she wore only skinny jeans, an overlarge sweatshirt, and ratty sneakers.

“Oh, and did I tell you Pearl's letting me get a tongue piercing?” Amethyst went on, grinning wildly as they turned out onto the main road. She wasn’t exactly a _reckless_ driver, it was just that she seemingly had no tact but managed to pull off everything safely anyway, but Peridot still found herself gripping the armrests a little too tightly.

"I haven't gotten it yet but maybe later, tonight if the place is open. Like, it's a huge headcanon that Viv has a tongue piercing, and since I'm cosplaying her, I just thought why not?"

Peridot scrutinized her. The idea of a tongue piercing was, to her, revolting, and though she was slowly beginning to comprehend the concept of different people doing what they liked respectively, the spontaneity involved in the decision admittedly bordered on foolishness. "You are driving a hole in your body for the sake of a costume."

"It's not just for the costume," Amethyst laughed. "I'm driving a hole in my body 'cuz it's fun."

"It's...fun," Peridot repeated, not a little sarcastically. One idle hand of hers had found a stray purple scarf.

They had entered the town and were looking for a place to park, cruising around the outskirt streets where century-old maples hung over leaf-strewn grey streets, where children holding candied apples skipped in front of parents holding coats and bags. “Not as bad as yesterday,” commented Amethyst nonchalantly as they parked behind the post office. Peridot found herself still holding the scarf and wasn’t able to put it down before Amethyst saw her.

“You can try it on if you want,” she smiled. “It’s colder now, you’ll need it. Here.”

And she dropped her keys into her lap, reached across the space, and pulled the scarf over Peridot’s head and neck. It was surprisingly soft for something knitted. Come to think of it, Peridot didn’t know that knit things could be anything _but_ itchy. The mauve tones matched Amethyst’s dyed hair and probably also the red of Peridot’s face, which was double-bad in not only was she blushing shamefully, but she’d recently begun to break out all across her forehead and the sides of her tiny nose. Amethyst was _really_ close right now, looking at her, looking at everything...

“I don’t want it,” Peridot burst automatically, causing Amethyst to inadvertently pull away with wide eyes. When she shrugged and moved to take the scarf off for her, Peridot’s mouth went at it again.

“Er, I mean, I do. I just didn’t know it was cold. Thank you.”

The last two words had slipped out unbidden, a little too long after the ones before. "Oh. No prob," Amethyst said, peering at her. The smallest of smiles danced on the corner of her lip.

They walked to town together, just side-by-side at first, and then as Peridot had her hands stuffed in the pockets of her grey pea coat, Amethyst hooked her arm through Peridot's and added a bounce to her step to match Peridot's stiff, long-legged stride. Somewhere along the way, Ame had stopped talking and Peri had started — because she had little social excitement otherwise, she spilled her thoughts on recently watched episodes of _Eli and the Weirdos._

"So they've gone ahead and done it!" she exclaimed (she had finished the second season). "I don't even believe it. The simple thought that they would have the NERVE, when it was obvious that he wasn't even fighting back?! Couldn't they remember that he loved them?"

"They _were_ brainwashed," Amethyst reminded her. "Like, they were told over and over for a year that he wasn’t going to come back for them, and I’m pretty sure at least Dea was given mind-changing drugs or something. They really haven’t told us exactly.”

"But you don't just go and KILL A MAN for it! Sure, he’s the only father figure you ever have and you just DROP HIM OFF A BUILDING! On a CHILDREN’S CARTOON!”

“You mean ‘an animated program for pre-teenagers’.”

Peridot had not forgotten her denial of having fallen in love with a Cartoon Network show. She rolled her eyes to the cloudy, blustery sky. “And they didn’t even say SORRY!”

Regardless of what had happened on _Eli and the Weirdos,_ she couldn’t push out of her head that she liked where she walked right now — arms linked with Amethyst, the other girl’s warm scarf pulled across her cold cheeks, a prominent smell of cider and pumpkin pie and gasoline in the air (they were passing a car service place). As they drew closer to the courthouse, where the decorated contest pumpkins gathered and people admired them from the sidewalks, their high young voices joined a hundred others. Peridot recognized a few people, notably two kids from biology, a girl named Jade hand-in-hand with a boy named Obsidian. Funny, they had been arguing ferociously not a month before. Perhaps Miss Diamond had been insinuating something through the placement of lab partners; if it happened to Lazuli and Jasper and now Jade and Obsidian…

Ugh, gross. Romance was overrated, Peridot reminded herself. She wouldn’t even think of it.

Meanwhile Amethyst had led her to the Happy and Fancy category and was practically leaning on her arm, close enough for the wind to blow Amethyst's stray hairs into Peridot's personal space. "Oh my god, look at that! Steven's got third place!" She pointed into the 10-13 age category towards a display of Queen Elsa and Princess Anna from Frozen. The two dolls were constructed of gourds strung together and shoved into their signature dresses, each with pumpkins for heads and yarn wigs. Unfortunately, a brief rainstorm on Thursday had sabotaged the project and a good deal of the glitter was scattered on the ground around them, but it was still very stylistically pleasing.

"Impressive," she remarked just before Amethyst tugged at her arm like a small child and let out a little shriek.

"Wonder if they’ve seen that yet...hey, check it out, there's the pie-eating contest!"

Before she could protest, she found herself flying down the sidewalk with her arm still locked in a firm, steady grip. "What — Amethyst!" she only managed to scold before the girls skidded to a stop at the edge of a cluster of people, mostly of adults and small children. Past the crowd (Peridot could see only because Amethyst managed to weasel both of their bodies to the very front) there were a few long picnic tables occupied by about two dozen teens, all noticeably excited. About fifty full-size pies boxes waited on the nearest table. A short older teen with curly blond hair was slicing the pies in half and distributing them to the teens.

"Yo Sadie!" Amethyst hollered and waved. "Room for two more?"

"Wait, what?" Peridot said, but the blond girl had already noticed them.

"Oh, hi Amethyst! Come on over!" she smiled. Again before Peridot could protest, Amethyst had whisked her over to the pie tables and pushed her not unkindly into the rough-hewn seat. As if she'd done it a hundred times she pushed her hair out of her face and flicked back the strings of her hoodie and told Peridot with a wicked grin, "Hope you're hungry, Peri-detto."

 _Status report: I have somehow gotten myself involved in a contest of confectionary consumption and cannot escape,_ the thought flickered across Peridot's head before leaving behind a sense of utter impending doom. She was a little hungry but didn’t know what to feel about pie. Normally her afternoon snack consisted of fruit, not pumpkin pie.

"Amethyst, I don't think I really..."

She never finished because another worker, this time a tall, lanky kid with gauges in his ears, came over and dropped two half-pies moodily in front of the two girls. "Where's the rule saying employees can participate?" he sneered before stalking off with his hands in his pockets. Amethyst stuck her tongue at his turned back.

"Where's the rule that says we can't?" She rolled her eyes. "Lars's just got a stick up his butt. Look, I made this pie too. Those are my fork marks; nobody else likes the wide ones."

Sure enough the crust of both pie-halves had wider decorative creases. Amethyst had made this? Peridot supposed that she could give it a try, knowing it had been crafted by someone she trusted to at least some degree, but it still didn't dismiss the warm leaden weight in her gut just then. "I said, Amethyst, I'm not sure if I — "

"Peridot." Amethyst took her by the shoulders and turned to face her. Their noses were just a handspan away from touching. "It's FREE PIE. All yours. And, hey, even if you don't finish, you can take it home anyway. Eat as slow as you want."

With that she reached up and tucked the loose end of the purple scarf behind Peridot's shoulder. Nothing more was said. Both girls looked at their own pies again, one with hunger, the other with just emptiness. There was a difference and Peridot knew that now.

"Okay, listen up!" yelled a familiar, musical voice, and Peridot looked up to see her history teacher at the far end of the eating tables. Mrs. Lazuli wore a parka the same color as the freshly dip-dyed tips of her hair and a handwritten nametag reading LAPIS, ASSISTANT PIE DIRECTOR, VERY IMPORTANT. According to Amethyst's whispering, Lazuli was very active in community events and also would help out at Sci-Fi Club. "Since Alexandrite had to go I guess I'm in charge, so we'll start now. Just a couple rules: you can’t use your hands or feet, and only you can eat your pie. We’ll have judges going around who’ll watch your pie. When you feel a tap on your shoulder, you can be done. Is everyone here ages eleven to sixteen?”

A general murmur of assent rose from the tense group of teens. Among her competitors, Peridot noticed, were mostly scrawny younger kids plus a few chunky freshmen; Amethyst had to be the oldest. Lazuli noted this too. “Amethyst, you’re still sixteen, right?”

“August birthday,” Amethyst called back. Then she seemed to reconsider and murmured half to herself, “Maybe I shoulda said I’m seventeen though...the adults get a _full_ free pie.”

“Don’t do that,” said Sadie.

“I could probably still win,” she remarked just as Lazuli said something dorky about getting their tummies ready; four money prizes on the line. Hmm. So Amethyst was going for the gold. Shifting in her seat, Peridot felt an inexplicable rush of pride — for what, though? To win? She did like to win things. She _loved_ to win things, even and especially if it was money. And she was a _little_ hungry...

Just like that, Lazuli said the ready-set-go and as the crowd roared, almost, just almost against her will — with a second’s worth of hesitation — Peridot threw herself down face-first into the pie. She had a motive and she had an opportunity here, and...aha, yes, the means! She recalled that first night at Amethyst's home, the scandalous consumption of Pearl's chicken pot pie and the utter amazement that passed over the table upon her rapid completion, and of the awe in Amethyst's voice as she said something like "maybe I'll take you to a pie-eating contest". She saw what she had done there. Amethyst had had faith in her that she could do it. And so Peridot floated on the temporary confidence, the blurred distant thought of money, and told herself _I Can Do This_.

It _was_ a temporary confidence though, a facade, because as Peridot sunk nose-deep into pumpkin mush and let the stuff past her teeth, she began to regret it again. It wasn't that the pie was bad. It was actually quite delicious at first. It was just that it was moist and deep and it was on her glasses as she attacked it further, and that normaly Peridot would try to eat as neatly as possible when in public. There were judges watching her, people cheering behind her — this counted as public. Now she knew what "bit off more than you could chew" meant. Cringing, Peridot forced herself to swallow the pumpkin goo like a drink, took a deep breath, and glanced up. There was younger girl in front of her and she was eating the pie in nibbles...she wouldn't win, but at least she looked comfortable.

Peridot dove into the pie again. It was tough, but not more than she could handle. She would be fine.

At least until about the fourth bite.

During the fourth bite, an air bubble shifted in Peridot's stomach and she had to stop swallowing. "I'm going to throw up," she tried to say, but it wasn't coherent through the pumpkin in her mouth. To her right, Amethyst had cleared out a good three quarters of her pie and attracted the attention of a couple judges. Her face was so covered in pie that stray strands of her hair had plastered onto her cheeks. Peridot, with a forceful gulp, cleared her mouth and went back at the pie.

"I think we have a first place!" called Mrs. Lazuli. Beside her, Amethyst sat up in clear victory but Peridot refused to take her eyes off her pie. The determination was running low. She had to do this. Trying not to think of the mashed pumpkin running through her digestive tract, joining her lunch and breakfast, churning inside her, Peridot took a deep breath and dove once more.

Around her, a second place arose. Then a third.

And at long last, there came Sadie's voice with "Fourth place!" right above her, a wonderful tap of her shoulder, and the realization that she had been scraping against the crust of the pie for ten seconds now.

So she _could_ do it.

The first thing she was greeted with was a crushing hug from a girl with purple hair. "Yeah, P-dazzle! That was awesome! You totally mowed it!" Amethyst cackled and released her captive from the hug, only to wallop the slightly-dizzy Peridot on the arm. The punch stunned more than hurt, even though Amethyst seemed to have pulled it.

Peridot let out a deep, shaky breath and accepted the paper towel held out by Mrs. Lazuli. The impromptu ordeal was over. Though she was happy for having at least placed, the turbulence in her innards informed her that she would most likely regret this in under an hour. Which...was not unlike most of the things she did.

The four winners were given envelopes of money (ten, eight, five and three dollars respectively) and a picture was taken for the town paper, which Peridot was hardly prepared for, seeing as she had pie in her hair and her face was probably a decent shade of green too. Some people she didn’t know congratulated her. Afterwards, Amethyst took her by the arm again and led her to the line of a food truck, where her prize money reappeared.

“My treat,” she grinned. “You worked a lot harder for that than I did, homegirl. Oh, hey, you gonna eat that?”

Peridot realized she was still clutching tightly to the paper plate with her pie remnants on it, and handed it to the other girl. “Aren’t you satisfied? Why do I feel so…” A burp of volcanic proportions erupted from her mouth, effectively terrifying her and propelling her backwards a half foot. “Agh — ahh, you didn’t hear that.”

“ _Dude.”_ Amethyst looked legitimately impressed. “That was beautiful, first of all. And...I dunno, I just really like pie. I’m more used to eating trash I guess.”

She scarfed down the crust even before they got to the front of the line. While Amethyst ordered a cinnamon donut and cocoa, Peridot just asked for hot apple cider and protested halfheartedly that she’d pay, but had to give in.

“If there’s anything you need to know about me,” Amethyst grinned as the two girls sat down at a table, “It’s that I’m stubborn as a donkey in the mornin’, like Greg said once.”

Peridot didn’t know who Greg was. Couldn’t care either. As her stomach continued to churn, she stared intensely into her styrofoam cup — the liquid was like clear, pure amber and very hot, with just a hint of a spice, and it was remotely soothing. A leaf blew across her shoes and she became precisely aware of the smell of Amethyst’s cinnamon donut. The voice that spoke was softer. “Uh, Peri? Are you okay?”

“Hyperfocusing on external sensory stimuli assists in soothing gastrointestinal turmoil,” she said tersely, or thought she said tersely. Honestly though, when Peridot said long words in monotone, that was a great way to know she was feeling very much _not okay_. She flexed her left foot and did that body shifty thing that people do when something of their abdominal region is in discomfort and they wish to alleviate it by doing literally anything else. "Excuse me...I am really, truly, not feeling well at this time."

In a second Amethyst's joking manner fell away, in that way that girls do when they suddenly realize that things have gotten serious and someone requires Maternal Care. "Here, I can get you home. I really don't think you wanna use the porta-potties."

After the tempestuous burp, Peridot didn't want to really open her mouth more than she had to, and just nodded instead. Numbly she followed Amethyst away from the fanfare, clutching the cup of cider so tightly that her hands shook; when a fresh wave of nausea hit, Amethyst took it wordlessly and held it alongside her own steaming cup. On foot they only made it as far as the laundromat before Peridot stumbled to a garbage can and vomited.

After the fact, she felt minutely better, but the despondency of the situation — bent in half over a public garbage can, wiping recycled food from her chin, Amethyst holding her hair back and awkwardly patting her shoulder — made her want to cry. She was fatigued and her mouth was bitter, and though the still-scalding cider seared the acidic taste out, it disgusted her enough to want to vomit again. With some help she sat on the curb. “This is just great,” she laughed, the words dripping with sarcasm. “All you wanted was to have fun and I ruined it. I didn’t even want to do this; I shouldn’t have come at all. Then you wouldn’t be stuck with...this.”

Saying the words felt like throwing up — terrible during it but once they were out, it was like a weight had rolled off her back. Peridot would have normally regretted saying anything like that in front of a host — what if she came off as ungrateful? What if Amethyst took her at her word and did stop wanting to hang out? — but something about the situation told her that she had nothing to fear. Even in the chilly, windblown stillness between them, the silence itself was warm.

“It’s my fault,” Amethyst said. “I shouldn’t’ve made you do something you didn’t wanna do.”

Her hands were folded over her knees and Peridot’s rested in her lap. “You don’t need to apologize.”

“No, I do. I’m always complaining about how I’m hurt by other people, like them not letting me do what I want to and then I...go and make someone else throw up. I’m really sorry and I’ll try not to let it happen again. Just...promise you’ll tell me if you need the space?”

When Peridot looked up, she met Amethyst’s eyes, round, sincere, beautiful. And despite smelling of vomit and sweat she couldn’t help but disregard proper public conduct, and paying no mind to logic, she pulled her friend into a tight hug.

They sat together on the curb for a while after that, sometimes just quiet, only talking occasionally as Peridot recovered. Thankfully she didn’t throw up again, but she still desired the comfort of her own bedroom, to be away from passers-by’s strange glances. As they got up again it was Peridot who linked her arm through Amethyst’s, who gave her the embarrassed little grin, and who turned the two to face the wind and go home. Like you sometimes do, she wasted a glance to her right. They reflected onto the storefront windows as they passed — they, the two young girls, small, with linked arms and not a care in the world. Peridot never liked to think of herself as a child. Nevertheless their reflections watched them, wide eyes shining with the light of jewels. An idea sparked.

“Amethyst?”

“Yeah?”

“You planned to pierce your tongue in the near future, am I correct?”

“Uh, yeah, why?”

A deep breath. “I would like to have ear piercings.”

They had since stopped walking and just stared, each at her own reflection and in her own thoughts, into the jewelry store before them.

“You mean now?”

Peridot nodded. Amethyst shrugged.

“Sure, if you want.”


	8. Neptune

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> \- Neptune — Sleeping at Last -
> 
> "I'm only honest when it rains,  
> An open book with a torn-out page  
> And my ink's run out,  
> I want to love you but I don't know how..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> not entirely happy with this chapter but i haven't been much happy with anything i'm doing nowadays and currently im sitting in a dark bedroom listening to star wars trailer music on repeat aNYWAY ENOUGH DEPRESSING TALK AND NOW IT'S TIME FOR SILLY SONGS WITH LARRY
> 
> i rly haven't gotten much sleep hah a

Peridot had twisted her left earring sixty rotations in the past period — fifty-five for the right. She switched ears, glanced at the clock above the whiteboard for the seventh time in a minute, tapped an undecided rhythm on her notebook. If there was one thing in school that this studious little green bean truthfully despised, it was literary analyses, and the guidelines for those just so happened to be what filled the board. She chose to hyperfocus on her earrings instead.

Getting them was probably the hardest part because as secluded shrimp that she was, she didn’t know what she was doing. Amethyst had told her that it was just a pinch and she even went first to prove that it was okay. (Seeing as she had a steel barbell driven through her tongue without so much as a wince to show for it, Peridot had decided that Amethyst was not a good point of reference.) She remembered, right as the jeweler counted down from three, clutching Amethyst’s hand and closing her eyes. Obviously it wasn’t so bad as to warrant these actions valid, and she felt marginally ashamed for them, but at the time had been more preoccupied with the sparkles on her ears. They were each about the size of a pinhead and made of her namesake — peridot, obviously.

Also of note was how just after walking out of the jewelry store, when Peridot had suddenly panicked and exclaimed “What will Vidalia think?!”, and Amethyst had shrugged:

“Eh, she’ll be cool with it. Now, Pearl, there’s the real question.”

Peridot had frowned. “What about Pearl?”

“Oh. Uh, yeah. She...didn’t exactly say I could have the piercing. Like...Garnet said maybe, but then she said to ask Pearl. So I kinda just took it as a yes.”

According to Steven, Amethyst’s frequency of speech at home had reached an all-time low. Garnet suspected but Pearl was oblivious. One day, Peridot had told her, Pearl was going to find out and she would have to let it close up. Amethyst said that Pearl didn’t own her and went back to drawing in her notebook, in particular, a caricature of their student teacher Pearl. It was a _little_ funny.

Twist, twist. In the present, the peridot stud in her earlobe went around and around. She took yet another look at the clock — nine minutes after three — and tapped her pencil more.

When the bell rang, she was one of the first people out the door, unlike most of the time, when which she would take her time speaking with the teacher and double-checking her assignments with the homework board. She might stop by the library for reference materials. She certainly would _not_ rush right to her locker, stuff everything necessary into her backpack with hardly so much as a second glance, and whip out a plastic bag of hair accessories and costume material. Today was not quite so normal. Today she tore away from all things school related like her pants were on fire.

Peridot ignored the bus and went straight to the designated meeting place, aka the girls’ bathroom in Red Hallway, where she waited for exactly two minutes before Amethyst came in at the side of a tall androgynous freshman with majestic hair. Neither of them were in costume yet, but Amethyst did have a tote bag and her character shoes on (Converse spattered in glitter paint). A shiny bag of makeup swung from her other hand. When she spoke, sometimes Peridot could see the little ball of metal flashing behind her teeth.

“I mean, a lot of people are upset about a lack of agender bathrooms in public facilities, and I guess that’s okay, but it sounds really hard to build a third bathroom everywhere, you know?” the freshman was saying in a voice bright enough to make flowers bloom.

“Yeah, I guess. Oh hey, wondernerd,” Amethyst ironically waved a peace sign at her. “Got your stuff?”

Peridot nodded in affirmation and then towards the long-haired freshman. “Who is this?”

“It’s Stevonnie,” they smiled. “I’m going as Sybil from Season 2.”

Sybil was the secret twin of Syl, Peridot’s character. Peridot gave a short, professional nod and shook Stevonnie’s hand. “A pleasure. I shall be representing Syl, though I do regret that we share few physical similarities so as to make the canon connection more accurate.”

Amethyst had begun lining her impressive array of makeup on a sink. “What the heck, Peri,” she smirked. “Look, as smart as that sounded, that’s not what cosplay’s for. It doesn’t matter what you normally look like, I mean, I see tall Syls and Sybils all the time. At like cons and stuff. Like...so long as you have a costume on, you’re recognizable.”

She had a point. Stevonnie had slipped into a stall to have more privacy, so Peridot now stood awkwardly behind Amethyst still holding her bag of costume things. “Ahh...yeah. Shall I…?” The sentence was left unfinished but they’d talked about this before, yesterday night when Pearl had presented her with the finished costume. The shirt, an elegant skintight piece with transparent silk overlays, required a second party’s assistance to tie the silk behind the neck.

“Hey, I’m just changing out here. I dropped my shirt in the toilet once while changing in a stall.”

“Yes, but this is still a public restroom.”

“Everyone’s going home, dude. Only people who’ll use this bathroom is us. Plus the music department thinks this one’s haunted.” With seemingly no self-consciousness, but at least the decency to turn her back, Amethyst crossed her arms and pulled off her shirt from the bottom in that really hot way that girls do.

Peridot was frozen. Perhaps it was the brashness of the action, or the surprise in seeing the other teen’s exposed body plus the black sports bra, who knows, it could have even been the mention of supernatural activity — but her attention was locked on this girl. She had freckles scattered all across her shoulders, something Peridot knew, but also as Amethyst had pulled her mane of pale hair towards the front, it revealed the toned muscles of her back and arms in an angle unlike any she’d seen before. There it was again, the same feeling from their first lab experiment, the following night at Amethyst’s house, scattered brief instances afterwards. This was just a little stronger. The tightness in her gut. The fear. Or…pleasure?

Amethyst turned to put her shirt away and take out her costume, but as she did, Peridot had the misfortune to meet her eyes. “Nothing,” she blurted even before Amethyst could ask what she was looking at.

Revealing clothing was nothing new to the older girl but there was something different in this, the way she stood partially turned, tucking a feathery lock of hair behind a triple-pierced ear, other hand floating uncertainly in front of her body. She regarded Peridot curiously for a second, then just shrugged and went back to changing.

Her face hot, Peridot spun around. What was that? _What was going on?!_ Whatever it was, she didn’t like it in the least, this recurring cycle of nerves and just…longing to touch something. Something she couldn’t yet name. Something that was a someone, a someone with a name, a bombshell of a girl with a metal nail in her mouth and glitter eye shadow.

 _There is only one possible explanation,_ she realized, glanced at Amethyst’s turned back, and exchanged her own shirt for her costume shirt as fast as physically possible. _Unpleasant, but there is no evidence suggesting otherwise._

Once she had put on her costume leggings, which were of a dashing green and ripped in all the cool places, she slipped her top on best she could and allowed Amethyst to tie the silk ribbon behind her neck. Having someone close enough to feel their breath on your neck was nice…but also not.

What an odd feeling now that it had a name, even if it was a name she hadn’t quite confirmed yet. Oh, no (between me and you), it was confirmed, just not accepted — she could not deny that there was something intrinsically magnetic in Amethyst, regardless of how she had called herself incapable of sexual or romantic love — what was with that now? She still didn’t understand the line between the two. Was she wrong? Broken? Had she misidentified and told Amethyst a lie? Regardless, there was one truth and she knew it now, as Amethyst moved to helping her with her hair, running her brush through the thick black locks and even, once or twice, unintentionally touching Peridot’s face. The one truth was this:

_I am at least some form of gay._

Peridot had taken off her glasses so she couldn’t see the magic being worked on her hair but certainly felt it, and watched the blurry scene as Amethyst combed a large bunch up and over her right eye, keeping it in place with pins. “Here’s the color chalk. Don’t touch it too much,” Amethyst warned her, and began pulling something firmly but not roughly through certain sections of her hair. Then was the curling iron — by this point, Stevonnie had emerged from their stall in full getup complete with what looked awfully like a short brown wig. _That’s so much easier,_ Peridot would have said, except that she was mostly fearing for her neck as the hot iron swung viciously close to her skin. Nevertheless Stevonnie seemed happy with themselves and left the two girls with a cheery, “Meet you two in the library!”

The contact lenses were last and probably the most painful because Peridot really didn’t like contact lenses. Just something about poking herself in the eye that made her want to…blink. Then there was makeup, done expertly, with no small amount of more stifling pleasure as Amethyst fluttered around her face. But the time came and she had been closing her eyes and Amethyst, with too much excitement for someone who could benchpress at least one hundred if she was tired. “And now…the reveal,” she said. “Open your eyes, nerd.”

Obeying didn’t do much because at first, Amethyst’s hand obscured her view, but when she pulled it back and let her see the mirror she couldn’t help but smile. The transformation was miraculous. Her face, partly obscured by gold and aqua green hair as it was, shined radiantly and in an uncanny likeness of a cartoon character’s face. Not just the costume aspect of it either — the simplistic eyeliner, shadow, and lip gloss brought out a new shape to her face, a synthetic yet still natural elegance that made Peridot rethink her stance against makeup.

“I’m…?” she stammered. “I’m...pretty.”

Amethyst had begun dusting on her own makeup, then slipped on a pair of rhinestone-lined sunglasses. “Girl, you’re _always_ pretty. Makeup’s just a spotlight.”

Her blushing problem was officially out of control. “I...ah, thank you.”

Amethyst didn’t take long because she was already wearing makeup and the girls walked together down to the library where the meeting would be held. In the hallway, teenagers in costumes and graphic tees already lined outside the door with their entry fees (six dollars if you were having pizza, three dollars if not; all proceeds went to common expenses, charity, and Sci-fi’s sister club, the Spontaneous Acts of Random Kindness Club). Following Amethyst, Peridot gave six dollars to a short, curly-haired man dressed up as Luke Skywalker and scribbled _Peridot Sun, Grade 10, ID 13399, Cheese Pizza_ on the sign-in sheet just like her predecessors.

“Hey, Amethyst! Brought a friend?” The man smiled. He had a crooked grin and hipster glasses cracked in the left lens.

“Yeah, this is Peridot! Peri, this is Mr. Max Albus. He’s the other bio teacher.”

Like most schools, their science department doubled up, meaning you could get stuck with one of two teachers of a subject. Also like in most schools, there seemed to be a “terrible teacher” and a “cool teacher”, and it appeared that Mr. Max Albus was the cool teacher. The one that if you answered his name to the question of “what bio teacher do you have” you would not get a sympathetic nod and a pat on the shoulder, but rather a look of either vying jealousy or joyful comradeship. It was certainly not the first time she had heard the name before — Miss Diamond hardly mentioned her coworker, but if she did, it was with the names of _heretic_ and _starry-eyed dreamer_. Amethyst would later tell her that Miss Diamond was just jealous because Mr. Albus was smarter than her (apparently he had won a Nobel Peace Prize in his younger years but chose to teach at the school from which he had graduated at age eleven. Said he couldn’t stand college students because they were “dead of all individual, unique thought by the time he got them”).

“Welcome to Sci-Fi,” Mr. Albus shook her hand warmly yet firmly, then stamped the back of it with a green star. “That’s how we know you’re getting pizza. Have fun!”

Amethyst led her down into the center of the library, where a cluster of costumed people had begun to congeal. The overbright screens of TVs and laptops glowed from around the room; Pokemon cards erupted in geysers above kids huddled over Harry Potter books and Nintendos. Fezzes and bicolored scarves were everywhere. A phantom voice shouted something about deathclaws. A song by Dance with the Dead blared out of an iHome. A great number of the host were at least vaguely recognizable as _Eli and the Weirdos_ cosplayers. Teens and preteens buzzed in a curiously ordered hive of geekdom, swapping their cards, watching their animes, snacking on junk that would make their gym teachers mutter, “Well, that’s why.”

Peridot got the feeling that she had, for the first real time in her life, been welcomed home.

She took stock of their group. The main four characters consisted of herself and Amethyst as Syl and Viv, Sour Cream as Avi, and Steven as Ere; all of these were present. Sour Cream was on his laptop and in full costume already, and though he’d put it together on his own, Peridot had to admit that he looked really badass. He’d reworked an old motorcycle helmet to look like Avi’s immersion gaming visor (complete with the glitchy red-blue lenses!) and wore cool silver rings on his hands to imitate the hand control sensors. The rest of his outfit was nothing he didn’t originally have in his own closet, but he had taken out the time to iron a distinctive red Gemini sign onto his blue shirt and link a plastic silver band around his wrist.

Steven was crouched by the graphic novels with a GameBoy, showing something to Stevonnie (their costume looked even better while Peridot could see!) and a younger Indian girl in a lab coat who she didn’t know. Steven’s checked red blanket pooled around him but revealing the intricate pants that Pearl had constructed for them to imitate Ere’s armored cybernetic prosthetics — if you didn’t look too closely, you could swear that they were real automail legs. The kid was sharing a Hershey’s bar with Stevonnie and the girl.

“Hey, Peri?” Amethyst nudged her arm. “I’m gonna go help some people with their makeup and stuff. You can hang around if you want, there’s something for everyone here — just don’t touch the library books or the school computers, and don’t drink any soda in here or the librarian will kick us all out.”

And with that she split with her makeup bag, leaving Peridot alone in a crowded room.

She drifted a little bit, observing some of the other cosplayers — a lot of anime, a clump of Hogwarts students, some leftover Homestucks who muttered something about the _Eli and the Weirdos_ fans being so annoying, so politically correct and obsessive about their fandom. Behind nonfiction G-M, Jade from biology fussed with four shiny green tubes that fit over her limbs. She wore a blond wig styled into a perfect triangle.

“How did you get your hair like that?” Peridot asked Jade, who was fiddling with strange black gloves that made it seem like her fingers were just floating green glowsticks. The freshman peered up through a green plastic visor, displaying a triangular gem on her forehead.

“Gel. _Sapphos Permafuse,_ with the taming spray,” she responded and Peridot nodded.

“Impressive.”

“Thank you. I like yours too.”

They parted ways but for some reason Peridot felt a little unsettled, as if two universes had just merged and split without a single particle of matter colliding with another.

The center tables were now dominated solely by people preparing for cosplay photos and grew more chaotic as 4:30 approached. Occasionally she’d catch a flash of pale purple hair but never for long. With no job, Peridot drifted towards one of the TVs where a fat girl wearing cat ears was laying waste to the terrain of Fallout 4.

This really wasn’t that bad.

Sometime around 4:15, the cat-ear girl had put in Super Smash Bros and Peridot was now dominating the impromptu tournament when Amethyst plopped down in the beanbag with her. “Having fun?”

No. “Which one of you clods is Pikachu again?” Peridot snarled at the other players. “Haha, that’s right, dirtbombs! Taste the wrath of Ganondorf! Eat my Flame Choke!”

“Rue the day someone dies from Super Smash Bros,” remarked a kid named Amber. She hissed at him and began beating up Kirby.

At 4:25 on the dot, Lapis Lazuli’s voice split through the atmosphere with “Pictures in five! Everyone report to the reference section if you’re doing ‘em!” and Peridot followed Amethyst to the official table of the Weirdo Squad. This also happened to be where Lazuli was, sitting cross-legged on the corner of the table and dressed exclusively in silver. She had pushed her hair in a new part and drawn a V symbol on her forehead — of course she would be cosplaying _Danny._

According to Lazuli’s roll call, there were a total of twelve people representing _Eli and the Weirdos._ Peridot Sun as Syl, Sour Cream Yellowtail as Avi, Amethyst Espina as Viv, Steven Universe as Ere, Buck Dewey as Eli, Jenny Pizza as Dea, Jamie Cordero as Stirling Carcina, Connie Maheswaran as Vera Zhang, Stevonnie Michalka as Sybil, and Lapis Lazuli as the Demonstrative Autoregulating Neuroprocesses-Networking Integration. Most of these people she knew only distantly in real life — but their characters. My stars, their characters. It’s funny how you don’t know someone until they put on the clothes of a fictional being and suddenly you might as well be best friends.

And to Peridot — having met hardly anyone for fear of having no common understanding — it was the best thing in the world.

As they moved to the reference section, Peridot found a conversation with the girl named Connie about fan theories and got neck deep in a conspiracy about whether or not Eli was actually dead — she said yes, Connie said no, and provided textual evidence that caused Peridot to change her stance to neutral. Someone, purposefully trying to be intrusive, asked if Danny was supposed to be a girl or a boy and everyone just laughed. Jamie, the assistant theater teacher, broke out into his character’s infamous monologue about death and when he finished, Peridot jumped up and continued with her character’s canon response. Jenny brought up the fandomwide war of Danny/Dea or Danny/Stirling and because of this Peridot somehow nearly broke a stapler. (So what if Danling was “problematic”; in an AU setting they could form a mutually beneficial pairing and destroy their enemies together! Though Dea was relatively kind to them, Danny had no real qualities beneficial towards her. Win-win, and anyway, Dea was canonically ace-aro, writers said so.)

The pictures themselves were taken on the couch by the encyclopedias just like they were in the season one extended intro — with Peridot, Sour Cream, Amethyst, Ere, Jenny, and Buck all on the couch in a comical formation that was interesting to recreate; Jamie, Connie, and Stevonnie making up the trio of antagonists in the background, all glaring imperiously; and Lapis leering out from behind a row of computers (originally her face should have been _inside_ a computer but this was a low-budget performance). A couple of specific scenes were done outside and in the hallways, including a staged fight scene where Buck Dewey was supposed to be bursting forward majestically in righteous anger but failed to lose his poker face _or_ his sunglasses and a picture that involved going outside and getting locked out by Amethyst and Mrs. Lazuli. Honestly, of anyone, they were the most like their characters and it drove Peridot insane. It was easy to say who the winner of the group cosplay was, though in the individual contest, the first prize went to little Jade Zhang, with her triangle hair and handmade limb enhancers.

Peridot could get used to this.

At about five o’clock, she left for the bathroom, stared at her makeup in the mirror for a minute or two, and walked into the hall again only to find that she was trapped. In this school, they had these mysterious steel gates that would be pulled down in only certain areas of the building at unknown times and for unknown purposes. And it _had_ to be while she was in the lavatory? Most importantly, she didn’t know how to get back to the library through any hallway except this one.

Just great.

First she tried opening the gate, but it was locked, and she certainly would have used the pins from her hair to pick the lock if only they weren’t important. They _were_ important. They were keeping her hair in canon style. She yelled and screamed for help, but no one came. The library door was on the other end of the hall.

Peridot had just given up and turned to find another way when she turned the corner, blinked at the wrong time, and slammed into a teacher.

She was taken so off guard that she fell on her behind, instinctually scrambling backwards in self preservation. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to — ”

The words died pathetically in her throat. “Peridot,” Miss Diamond said. It wasn’t even accusatory but she still leapt to her feet.

“Y- yes Miss Diamond?”

There was a frozen silence as the two regarded each other. No, three; her student teacher Pearl stood smugly behind her, holding a stack of lab books to grade. The gaze of those critical pale eyes was nearly tangible as they slid up and down Peridot’s unfortunate apparel. Now wasn’t this the image of a star student — torn leggings and mascara and green hair, also damp hands because the bathroom was out of paper towels. Miss Diamond had put on a long, flaring beige coat over her suit, but it hadn’t detracted from the message of I AM JUDGING YOU. Peridot expected the worst, for Miss Diamond to accuse her of crime, drag her to a police station by her hair, or... _drop her grade for poor presentation._

But she just said to Pearl, “Put those in my car,” and to Peridot, “Come with me.”

It wasn’t like she had another choice, did she? Swallowing the lump in her throat, Peridot trotted after the teacher, an awkward three feet behind. Neither spoke until they turned down Purple Hallway at which point Miss Diamond somehow managed to fall back to Peridot’s side and physically enclose her in conversation. “I assume you are here for Albus's disgraceful club,” she said with no small amount of disdain.

Peridot could not lie; Sci-Fi was the only club that met on Fridays this late except for Lettuce Club. “Yes, ma’am.”

The hallway was awfully cold.

“I hope you know where to draw a line, Miss Sun,” the teacher said after a long time. “While I cannot choose your lifestyle for you, I will not hesitate in warning you.”

“Wh...warning me of what?”

“How familiar are you with the personal situation of the Lazulis?”

She bit her thin bottom lip. “I mean, ah, it’s their personal life; I don’t exactly…”

“Two months ago, I compared Lazuli’s and Jasper’s situation with that of yours and Amethyst’s. I did not intend it literally. All I can say is that the Lazulis are a potent family with an unstable outcome, an outcome I do hope you have the intelligence not to repeat.”

“I don’t understand,” replied Peridot truthfully.

Miss Diamond stopped and put her hand on Peridot’s shoulder — firmly, almost threateningly so. Certainly patronizingly. “Peridot, listen,” she said. “I appreciate having someone so willing to assist Amethyst, but do not get dragged in after her. Just like you, young Jasper Dominguez was set for greatness until she began fraternizing with that illiterate, when she...fell in love. She nearly gave up everything for the riotous lifestyle introduced to her by Lazuli. And now look at them. A broken marriage, a daughter under police watch, neck deep in financial debt and stuck at a backwater school teaching disrespectful runts. Your only chance to save yourself from the same fate is to keep your eyes open and to know when you should take Amethyst’s self-destructive behavior as a warning to yourself.”

Peridot’s breath had hitched in her throat. “Do you mean to say, ma’am,” she swallowed the lump that had risen, “that non-academic association with Amethyst Espina will lead to poor lifestyle choices?”

The teacher pulled her hand away and continue walking, albeit slower. “I am not permitted to tell a student what she can or cannot do in her time outside my classroom,” she said. “But while you are here with me, I have but this one piece of advice. You are known by the company you keep, Peridot. And if you are not careful, you may begin to know yourself in the same way.”

They had reached a single door, which Miss Diamond unlocked and pushed open. “Thank you, ma’am,” Peridot had begun, but the lame words shriveled up as she met the teacher’s hard eyes.

“Have a good evening,” Miss Diamond responded before leaving her with the cold of the hall and the echoes of high heels on tile floors.


	9. I Am Not A Robot

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> \- I Am Not a Robot — Marina and the Diamonds -
> 
> "You've been hanging with the unloved kids  
> Who you never really liked and you never trusted  
> But you are so magnetic, you pick up all the pins  
> Never committing to anything  
> You don't pick up the phone when it ring, ring, rings  
> Don't be so pathetic, just open up and sing"

About two weeks later after school on a Tuesday, Peridot trotted down Green Hallway with her backpack slung over her shoulder, her phone in her hand.

Last night’s conversation bobbed in grey and blue message bubbles: _So tomorrow for sure, rain or shine? - yeah whatevs - Okay, thanks._ Rain or shine — did that include absence? Amethyst hadn’t been at school today and Steven hadn’t ridden the bus, but the biology unit test was next week before Thanksgiving break. Amethyst needed to study. She had only missed a couple days so far because of a bad cold a week ago, but had always been better before a meeting day. In desperation during lunch, Peridot had sent a frantic text along the lines of “do I still just come over or what where are you” and underneath it, the words _Read 11:52 AM_ taunted her. She hadn’t even thought to respond? The insolence. Peridot felt her cheeks reddening at the thought of the girl with purple hair and shook her head to clear it.

Inside classroom G10, Miss Diamond sat at her desk and Pearl stood at her side, murmuring something that stopped when both women noticed Peridot. Pearl glared at her in annoyance and opened her mouth probably to tell the girl to bug off, but without turning around, Miss Diamond asked, “What is it, Peridot?”

How did she do that, knowing who came in before turning around? It got progressively weirder whenever she did it. Peridot shifted uncomfortably. “I, ah, came to pick up Amethyst’s reference materials for the test on Friday. We’re studying together tonight.”

“Good luck with that,” Pearl sneered, but Miss Diamond told her to go disinfect the test tubes and beckoned for Peridot to come closer.

“I see you decided on a new cut,” the teacher remarked icily.

Even while seated, her stature dwarfed Peridot and she felt like a lab animal under that pale gaze, at her mercy to be examined and dissected. Subconsciously the girl’s hand floated up to her now blond hair. Yesterday, Vidalia had taken all three of her young protégés to the hairstylist’s for biannual trims, and in a stroke of impulse, Peridot had gotten her hair bleached platinum and slicked up with a thick application of _Sapphos Permafuse_. The two older women who ran the place had been grinning and giving her thumbs up the entire time, and the one with the red headband remarked proudly that Peridot had just the perfect hair type for the stuff.

She couldn’t say that she disliked the new look she had dealt upon herself, just that it detracted from the persona of intelligence and objectivity she had held for so long. But...a grand total of three compliments had come because of it — that’s three more than usual — and she had noted the significant lack of self-deprecating thoughts that day. “It’s just what I felt comfortable with,” Peridot responded quietly.

As soon as the world “comfortable” escaped into the Clorox-thick air, the teacher’s eyes narrowed slightly, but it was so subtle Peridot didn’t know if it had just been her imagination. Miss Diamond slapped a paper folder on the desk between them, met Peridot’s eyes for just a second, and then returned to her laptop.

“See to it that Amethyst receives this,” and she had returned to her usual harsh but bored tone, but then she added, “and be careful.”

Peridot wasn’t stupid. She knew why the warning was tacked on. After leaving her in Purple Hallway outside the library, Miss Allnatt Diamond clearly had expected her to take the advice given to her, to turn her back on Amethyst’s “riotous lifestyle” or whatever and return to the perfect little student that she was supposed to be. When she had seen Peridot’s change of hairstyle, which admittedly _did_ make her look like a punk, she felt as if one warning must not have been adequate.

Well, Peridot knew two things about adults: that they were to be feared until proven otherwise and that they were addicted to half-truths. The first one was still under scrutiny because Miss Diamond was certainly the type of teacher to call your parents _and then_ tell you what you did wrong. The second was debatable. What was wrong with having a friend? About having a little fun? Was there something wrong with it?

As Peridot stuffed the folder into her backpack and scurried out of Miss Diamond’s classroom, her mind pulled itself apart like so much cotton candy. According to Amethyst and Steven, fun was an important part of life and could benefit other aspects with its relaxation properties. But according to Miss Diamond...well, nothing had been outright stated, but she seemed to believe activities such as cosplaying, body modification, and...poor Peridot still cringed as she thought it... _homosexual attraction_ led to lives of misery and ruin.

The thing was, Peridot didn’t know who to trust. Hardwired as she was, distrustful of all until persuaded, she couldn’t determine who would offer the better outcome — the bitter professor with the wasted degree and the potentials of long term success, or the hot girl with the pierced tongue and the adventures of short term pleasures? The technically _correct_ answer was Miss Diamond, obviously, but she had trusted that life before and none of it had made her ever feel better about herself. All it had brought her was self-loathing and stress, an intense lust for perfection, a crushing defeat if she fell anywhere short of her goal. Could Amethyst be right — _was_ it impossible to live like that? Was there a balance somewhere? Why couldn’t she just...moderate the two?

The way things worked in Peridot’s mind was all or nothing: either she threw herself entirely into school or expended her whole life with fun. And she didn’t know how to change that. There had to be another way.

 _I’ll just talk it through with Amethyst,_ she decided. _If...if she’s okay, at least._

As she walked out of the school to the buses, she was struck by a sudden uncertainty — should she go straight to Amethyst’s? What if no one was home? Then she’d be stuck outside and...the biting cold of mid-November slapped against her exposed skin and even filtered through her sleeves. Her cute little pea coat was really getting too thin for this temperature reading. If she was stuck outside she could either walk home or call Vidalia and...no, that wasn’t nice either. Hypothetically she could wait for Sour Cream to be done with band practice and then ride there with him but that would mean waiting until five thirty...ugh, why was this so complicated?!

 _There’s a point in everything where you just have to say nope,_ a familiar girl’s voice came to mind. _I call it...the no point._

Perhaps now was a good time for a no point. To take a chance. Hadn’t someone mentioned how the house was never empty…? If Amethyst wasn’t home, or if she was sick, there had to be someone else. Perhaps Garnet or Pearl; as far as she had figured out, there was a twenty percent chance that the taller woman would be home because she worked volunteer shifts at the fire department alongside her martial arts classes. That would have to be good enough.

In addition to saying _nope_ in her head as she took the empty seat on the bus (where was Steven?), Peridot made sure to text Vidalia and asked if she could possibly pick her up just in case.

The ride sure was long without someone to talk to — five songs long, in fact. Three games of agar. io (she hated the new update).  As she got off at Rosewood Court alone and looked up at the wrought iron gate, the cold white sky glared down on her through the tangled canopy of bare branches. No one was around, no lights were on in the house; she couldn’t hear the usual whispers of Pearl’s piano or the slamming of Amethyst’s drums or even Garnet’s mixtapes, which she knew she played whenever possible. The fountains were off. The lone tire swing swung by itself. Somewhere, a crow cawed. Even the most integral parts of this mansion, all the moving parts and signs of life, were either gone or muted or just plain alone.

Tentatively she tapped the intercom, said “Ah...hello? This is Peridot” and waited with held breath.

After what felt like ages, the receiving beep responded and Garnet’s voice replied, “The gates are open.”

That was a relief. It was getting _really_ cold out here too. Tentatively she tested the gates and found out that yes, in fact, they were unlocked, and gave easily at a gentle push. The front door similarly gave way and Peridot found herself in a very cold, uncharacteristically dark house. The silver mirror seemed to lag as she passed it, like her reflection responded a microsecond after she moved, and somewhere, two people conversed too quiet for her to hear. She never realized how loud the floorboards creaked under her shoes until she was technically alone. “Er...hello?”

The voices went quiet and then Garnet called, “We’re in the kitchen.”

Out of habit she left her shoes at the door and half-raced to the source of the woman’s voice, where she was met by a scene she would not easily forget. A pudgy, middle-aged man was hunched at the kitchen table, gripping a cup of coffee as if his life depended on it, and Garnet sat adjacent to him with her hands folded and sunglasses on the table. When both adults looked up at her, she saw the shadows under their eyes, the rims of red, the emptiness. An emptiness Peridot knew too well.

“Are they okay?” she asked, although she feared she knew the answer. She hadn’t seen either Amethyst’s combat boots or Steven’s flip flops at the door; if her text had been seen but not replied to...what could that mean? Her mind even flashed back to a police car that had screamed past the bus earlier. What if something had happened to them? Something...unspeakable?

The man didn’t seem to know how to respond, just opened and closed his mouth mutely. Garnet hung her head.

“Amethyst has regressed,” she snapped with uncharacteristic force. “I thought she knew better!”

Peridot had tensed up at the sharp voice but unfolded again with curiosity. “That she knew what?”

With no warning, Garnet slammed her fist onto the table, making both other people jump in surprise. Peridot watched her face in learned fear, but the rage had subsided — her clenched teeth turned to her usual deadpan, her heterochromatic eyes closed. The woman took a deep, calming breath. “Last year,” she began again, softer now, “as soon as she gained independence, Amethyst began skipping school. That’s why she’s in all lower classes. This year we assigned her to take Steven to school to prevent her from doing it again, and we thought she had changed...but she just went and did it again, and took Steven into it.”

She’d...skipped? But where had she gone? Had she done it just for fun — didn’t she know how important today was? That her grades she’d worked so hard for were in peril?

Garnet lifted her head, met Peridot’s eyes for a second, and then put her sunglasses back on. “You don’t need to apologize,” she said shortly a second before Peridot had begun planning an apology. “There was nothing you could have done.”

“But she’s my _friend.”_ The words slipped out just before she realized what they implied, but they had already hit the floor and shattered there. “I asked her before if something was wrong. She could have told me. Why didn’t she tell me?”

“Because Amethyst isn’t like that,” the man spoke for the first time. “She doesn’t forget anything and she’ll never admit it either. Even to her friends.”

Peridot was unbelievably confused. It didn’t make sense...she didn’t even know if she had heard everything in her daze, because nothing fit together. Amethyst was always so open about everything, why...no, it didn’t matter! (Even though it did.) But it didn’t matter. Amethyst was acting just like the punk she’d begun the year as, just like Peridot had thought her to be, just like she’d thought she’d been proven wrong about. If this was what came out when she cracked and if it seemed so out of character so as to be unbelievable, did Peridot really know her at all? Even worse, did this just prove a point? That Amethyst was the exact opposite of what Miss Diamond wanted for her?

Who had she fallen for?

A beep echoed in the kitchen, making a certain two of the occupants jump again. “They’re back,” Garnet said and got up — the two words lighting an impulse that took Peridot into a sprint for the door

They were back. They were okay.

Or at least — she would find out. Did she want to find out? Her immediate action told her that she did. A sick foreboding, however, told her that she did not.

Shoes on her feet, heels sticking out awkwardly, and she didn’t bother with the coat, so when she vaulted down the front stone steps the icy wind bit her bare skin at full force. The white quilt of clouds had begun to spit sleet and she felt each biting crystal slap her face. Something about the situation just wasn’t quite right — it felt dreamlike in that she felt like she was running as fast as she could, but going nowhere. How odd it was: if the talkative Steven and Amethyst had returned, then where were their voices? How quiet could a garage and yard get? Why, besides the literal, was it so cold?

Just as Peridot crossed the driveway behind an unfamiliar battered van and prepared herself the survivors of the unknown ordeal, a door slammed. Startled, she ducked — and missed her chance to inject herself into the scene. “Amethyst!” the voice of Pearl snapped. It was nothing like the motherly eccentricity that Peridot had heard before; rather, this was the voice that would make her shrink in her seat and pray for a miracle. This wasn’t just irritation. This was fury.

There was a clanging like a kicked soda can, then Amethyst spoke with acid sarcasm. “What? Did I close the door too hard? Did I hurt its _feelings?”_

Oh no. Oh, no, no, no...Peridot had heard too many family fights to not know where this was going. A boy’s voice cut in. “Amethyst, please!” Steven begged. He sounded so close to tears. “I know you’re upset, but I can’t bear to watch you guys fight!”

“Yeah, well, fighting’s the only thing I know how to do,” Amethyst snarled. “ _Right,_ Pearl? Aren’t you right?”

“You — I — you just watch yourself, Amethyst.” Pearl’s smooth voice wobbled. “You’re in enough trouble as it is, talking back for one, and then taking Steven to such a horrible place — “

“What? You mean to where bad kids live and do bad things and make _more_ bad kids? Is _that_ what you’re talking about?”

Her voice was hoarser than normal, laced with a serrated edge. Peridot was subconsciously biting her fingernails and felt pain slash through her nerves as she accidentally ripped into the soft flesh, and she let out a gasp just as Pearl did. _“_ Amethyst, this isn’t about — ”

“Oh, but it is!” A dangerous melody had slipped into Amethyst’s voice — high, brittle. “You really don’t get it, do you? You don’t know what it’s like to not have what literally everyone else in the damn world has, _do you?!_ ”

_“Amethyst.”_

“You wonder why I’m so crazy, don’t you, Pearl? You think I can’t _hear_ you?! I’m _never_ good enough for you and you blame _me_ for never knowing how to do things, and then you turn around and tell everyone how — oh, you and Rose and Garnet were _sooo_ heroic for adopting me. Giving me ALL the support that a loving family never gave me BEFORE!”

“Stop this — ”

“And I still _never fucking got it,”_ Amethyst growled. “Not from you, not from them — and I’ve tried my hardest at everything and I work my ass off for sixteen years trying to make you happy and — and it’s never _enough!_ It’s _never_ good enough to — to what? _Pay for my rent?_ Make up for all the time you’ve wasted on sheltering a stupid little homeless kid? Maybe I only have a job so you won’t have to see my ugly fucking face!”

 _“Amethyst!”_ They were both yelling now, their hoarse voices almost drowning out the sound of footsteps coming from the house. “Watch your language, Steven is — ”

“Steven needs to learn about how crazy I really am,” Amethyst half-laughed, half-choked. “So that you can tell him to stay away from _parasites_ like _me!”_

A terrible crash came just then, echoed by staccato cries of pain and fear and Peridot felt sick to her stomach. Against her better judgment she allowed herself to look around into the garage — and regretted it. She saw Pearl on the floor next to a row of fallen bikes, her pants torn and staining with new blood. Steven had run to his surrogate mother, but stared at his sister, who stood between them and the car with her fists and teeth clenched.

“Admit it,” yelled Amethyst. “I’m just a burden for you! You think I’m just — ”

She blinked with a shudder but never finished, because it was then that she whirled towards Peridot and took a step back. Rather, to someone behind Peridot — a someone who strode past the van and up to the teenager without hesitation, her fists clenched. When Garnet said the name, it was different than the desperation of Steven or Pearl. Firm, unrelenting, and enraged. “ _Amethyst!”_

The man from before had followed Garnet and ran to Steven, but Peridot paid no attention to them. When Garnet had appeared, Amethyst’s expression had gone from fury to cold terror; as the older woman stepped towards her, she stepped back until she was pressed against the back wall of the garage. And Peridot would never think Garnet would harm Amethyst, but the fear was still there and it burned with familiarity. She squeezed her eyes shut — she couldn’t do this, it wasn’t her family — but she did. She jumped to her unsteady feet.

“Wait!” she yelped. Her voice cracked; all eyes turned to her. She felt a cold weight like a lead ball in her stomach and swallowed. What had she just done? She knew nothing more about the situation than anyone else in this situation.

“Peridot, go back inside,” Garnet said. “Amethyst has to clean up this mistake on her own.”

“I — but — ” She already knew that Garnet was right. She couldn’t just stick herself into a conflict that wasn’t hers. There were many unspoken rules of the foster child and one of them, perhaps the most important, was to never insert yourself into familial conflicts, and if you happened to be the subject of one, to remove yourself in any way possible. Was it the right thing to defend Amethyst and ask to hear her case before punishment was dealt? Possibly. But was it safe? Absolutely not.

Desperate, frozen in her tracks, Peridot looked towards Amethyst, but just as she did, the older girl pushed past both Peridot and Garnet and took off running for the house with her head tucked down into her battered leather jacket. “A — Amethyst!” The name tore itself from Peridot’s lips unbidden and before she knew it, she was running outside again, the swirling snow stinging her skin, chasing after Amethyst. The girl glanced over her shoulder once before running even faster and leaving her one friend and family in the dust.

Wheezing terribly and sniffling from a runny nose, Peridot caught up to Amethyst only after she’d slammed her bedroom door. “Amethyst...Amethyst, please, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to get involved, I just — ”

“Go away,” Amethyst sniffled, her voice muffled. “You don’t understand. Just...don’t talk to me.”

Peridot was speechless. Then, in response to a burning in her chest, she snapped back, “You think _I_ wouldn’t understand?”

The second the words slipped out, she snatched at them again, trying to pull them back before they were swept along the irreversible current of sound. She had broken so many of the unspoken rules today and, for once, she couldn’t imagine the retribution that might come from them. Especially not this one. You never, _ever_ tried to make someone feel sorry for you. You were to never pity yourself, compare situations, even mention the Things That Happened To Make You Who You Were. Peridot had never before broken this rule. She did not know if she liked the way it slid off her chest, like a weight on the ground.

Involuntarily, she stepped back from the door and nearly tripped. The only break in the darkness of the empty hall came from the window at the end, placing a grey shaft of light between herself and a better apology. Something now held her tongue for her. Maybe it was the footsteps up the stairs as Steven, Pearl, and Garnet joined this bleak scene, maybe it was just the crushing sense of failure in her gut. But from that something that closed her mouth, there came one thought: _I have ruined everything._

Numbly she turned, passed Steven, Garnet, and Pearl, and returned to the kitchen. Amethyst’s folder from Miss Diamond lay untouched on the table. Outside the snow had begun to recede but the darkness of night came in, washing the warm-colored room with an icy blue-grey instead. The time was hardly late.

“Are you right?” Peridot whispered, and picked up the yellow folder. She said it again a little louder: “Are you right?”

Amethyst was not who she seemed. Amethyst was broken. Amethyst was unforgiving. Peridot suspected that she had only seen a part of a larger story, but it was enough for her, enough to push on the lead weight in her stomach and pull her down into a chair where she bent over and covered her face with her cold hands. There was so much to say and yet no place to say it, nowhere that didn’t feel wrong at least. The others had not come down yet and she feared that they wouldn’t for a very long time — the only other person downstairs was that man whom she took to be Steven’s father, and at least he had family ties with some of them. Peridot was just the stupid little kid who stuck her head into everything and messed it up. The stupid kid in love with the girl who pierced herself for fun and ran away from home, to...to where?

_Who have I fallen for?_


	10. Alone Together / Jenny

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> \- Alone Together — Fall Out Boy -
> 
> "I don't know where you're going,  
> But do you got room for one more troubled soul  
> I don't know where I'm going,  
> But I don't think I'm coming home  
> And I said, I'll check in tomorrow if I don't wake up dead  
> This is the road to ruin and we're starting at the end"
> 
> -
> 
> \- Jenny — Studio Killers -
> 
> "I wanna ruin our friendship,  
> We should be lovers instead  
> I don't know how to say this,  
> 'Cause you're really my dearest friend"

In the mind of a child in an unhealthy situation, there are two main times of life: a normal schedule, which is living in harmony and at least overall nonconflict with their host family; or Events. Peridot called them Events, at least. An Event could be anything from a fight to a power shift to an economic recession — a negative happening that disrupted the scheduled order of things and threatened her relationship with the people involved.

In Family One, there had been a couple Events that were never big save the last, when the patron and matron had divorced through no acclaimed fault of Peridot’s own, but due to money struggles which may have tied back to her. Family Two had an ominous lack of Events but there was always something in the other children’s wide, docile eyes that suggested the fear of what might be. On the contrast, Family Three had too many, and she had spent many a night curled in bed with stinging skin and wet eyes; Family Four had a similar amount but in milder consequence,and spread among their other seven children. She had learned by then to not get involved. Family Five had taken her as a charity case and there were few Events except the last, a fight so taxing on the parents that Peridot and the other children of the family had once been left at school for five hours after it ended because the parents refused to communicate with each other and assumed the other had taken the children home. Family Six only ever had small Events, mostly between Yellowtail and Sour Cream, and none involving her.

Peridot always hoped she could hide an Event in the days that followed, putting all her work into making sure that no one would ask why she looked worse than usual, into an emotionless face and a colder disposition. She almost never could. Well, for one, she was a terrible actor; for two, Events had always taken place within the host family and sometimes had a “don’t you ever dare tell no one about this, little brat” tacked on; for three, she had never had this many acquaintances or observant people in her life.

When she had come home from Amethyst’s, Vidalia instantly knew something was wrong and brought a mug of hot cocoa up to Peridot’s bedroom, asked, “You wanna talk about it?” and nodded in understanding when Peridot shook her head. At dinner, she barely noticed that she wasn’t eating until Onion put a napkin on her hair and patted her shoulder twice — an unconventional gesture, but the message was understood. Most effective was Sour Cream’s offer, passed across the kitchen table the next morning in the form of black stereo headphones.

“I dunno what’s going on, man,” he said, “but these always help me. They’ve got killer bass.”

They did have killer bass.

She wore them from her first step outside the house to the second she entered the girls’ locker room for first hour P.E., because doing so meant she had to pass by Coach Jasper’s office and nearly collided with the giant woman as she walked out reading something on a clipboard. “S — sorry,” Peridot said automatically and tried to keep going to her gym locker, but then Jasper said something that filtered enough past her headphones to make her push them back and turn around.

“I know that look,” Jasper Dominguez-Lazuli frowned in understanding. “You’ve either just lost a lottery ticket or a boyfriend. Girlfriend. Er. However you swing.”

Peridot was too tired to care — she had stayed up until ten P.M. studying and wasted three more hours on YouTube watching Game Theory and Let’s Read Homestuck. A stupid move, and she had known it at the time too, but she had been too frustrated with everything to care. All she’d wanted was to drown herself by that point, be it in real water or the mindless depths of the Internet. Instead of engaging Jasper’s well-meant comment, she shook her head mutely and went to her locker. Later in the cardio room, she glanced up from the elliptical to see the coach watching her, a concerned look on her face, and then realized that she had been barely moving her legs at all.

It was in algebra that she started to feel sick, her gut clenching up as soon as she recognized her biology notebook in her armful of other things. She wasn’t quite sure what she was afraid of, but did she have to be? Wasn’t it a bad enough warning that she’d  _ wanted  _ to stay home from school today? What the irony. She’d wondered why anyone could ever skip school and because of her curiosity there, she had gotten an answer the hard way. Peridot was utterly terrified.

She took all the time possible in walking to classroom G10, rehearsing a thousand possible responses to anything Amethyst might say, but when she came in just as the bell rang, she knew there would be no conversation. Her friend looked awful and it made her feel even more awful to see it. Hair loose and obscuring her face even more than normal, no makeup, no noisy gum, no headphones, no glittery cracked phone. She didn’t even have her purple gel pen. She didn’t make jokes, lean back in her chair, talk when Miss Diamond was talking, draw on her lab sheet, or fool around during the experiment. Just droned through the motions with an apathetic drowsiness that Peridot unfortunately recognized as a deep depression.

As they completed their lab experiment, Peridot waited for the clock to reach 12:03 before she cleared her throat. Her hands were clammy. “Ah, Amethyst,” she said, or at least tried, because her voice cracked terribly and it turned into a cough.

The older girl just glanced up disinterestedly.

“I just…” Peridot coughed again. “I’m sorry. I...shouldn’t have heard that.”

The words fell off like a heavy backpack and she glanced away, anxious for Amethyst’s response but unwilling to see it firsthand. After a long silence, there was an exhale and a scratching as Amethyst resumed writing in her notebook. “No, you’re right,” she said quietly. “You shouldn’t have.”

The bell rang before Peridot could respond and Amethyst left as if there was anywhere she would rather be. That probably wasn’t incorrect either. She sighed and began cleaning up the experiment herself; she had to agree with Amethyst on that one, because the day wasn’t half over and she had already regretted waking up in the morning. But if this was bad...imagine tomorrow. Tomorrow. Studying with Amethyst again, the night before the test, for three hours, maybe more if she had been grounded from wrestling like Peridot suspected she would be.

Luck was just not on her side this week, she mused to herself that afternoon as she boarded the school bus and, across the aisle from Steven and Peridot’s normal spot, she saw Amethyst slouched moodily in the window seat, watching the snow.

In the time between Tuesday and Thursday afternoon, the weather had taken an untimely turn for the worse. Not even Thanksgiving and already a forecast of twelve inches of snow by tomorrow — she’d seen kids huddled in prayer circles, begging for a day off school, and Steven was bringing home his puffy snowpants “just in case”. Amethyst had taken to wearing a black beanie low over her eyes. When Peridot stepped outside, she squinted her eyes as the chilly wind sliced past her glasses, as dry flakes like bits of tissue paper whipped and swirled in the grey air. Already, a good four inches accumulated on the ground. The flashing lights of snowplows roamed the streets and the bus traveled at a record-breaking twenty miles per hour because you couldn’t even see thirty feet in front of you.

On the bus, at exactly 3:54 P.M., Steven breathed to fog up the window glass and drew a flower. “Garnet promised to make chocolate chip cookies,” he said with a hesitant smile, obviously sensing the tension that had not dispersed since the day before. He glanced across the aisle at Amethyst, who sat alone. Peridot had had her headphones on half volume, but to make Steven happy she pulled them down. It wasn’t like she had anything to say, though.

Peridot checked if Amethyst was listening again — she probably was, but didn’t show it — and then sighed. “She...she won’t even look at me,” she told Steven in a low voice. “It’s making me feel...smaller.”

“You feel bad,” Steven explained. “That’s how you made her feel. I mean...I don’t really understand what’s going on, but maybe if you try, you know, to understand, maybe she’ll respond differently.”

“But I did try! And it just — ” She realized her voice had been creeping towards a crescendo and hastily lowered it again. “I understand already. Does she not think I  _ wouldn’t? _ ”

Steven was quiet for a second. “I don’t know. Amethyst...feels different about a lot of things. She just doesn’t think like you sometimes.”

“Like what?”

He shrugged, but Peridot thought she knew the answer. It was all in how he’d said it. Amethyst didn’t think. She _felt._ She was driven by her heart, by what she knew in the present, and approaching her from the factual standpoint of “I have gone through similar circumstances hence we are on equal ground” wasn’t quite enough. If Peridot empathized but did not have a similar method of communicating that empathy...how could she get across to Amethyst? This would be difficult.

Upon arrival at the mansion, the smell of chocolate chips and fresh-baked cookies offered a much warmer welcome than earlier in the week, though it was still eerily quiet in the ancient halls. Pearl sat at the kitchen table, sipping a cup of tea as she spoke to Garnet, but fell quiet when she noticed Amethyst, Steven, and Peridot enter. Without looking up from her tea, Pearl gave a stammering excuse about needing to put up window insulation and left before Steven could even say “hi, guys”. Amethyst dropped her backpack onto the kitchen chair with a reckless  _ thump.   _

“Wow, it’s really coming down out there,” Steven remarked, gazing out the window at the blizzard. He took a cookie and offered the passed plate to Amethyst and Peridot. Peridot only took one and thanked him appropriately, but Amethyst grabbed four. She hadn’t been the only one to notice — Garnet did also, and inhaled as she pushed up her mirrored sunglasses.

“Hmm. We’ll be nearly snowed in by nightfall,” she reported in a typical soft monotone as she returned to the kitchen to clean up. “Peridot, if you wish to go home tonight, you had best get started soon.”

“Garnet majored in meteorology,” added Steven. He was just  _ almost  _ cheerful as normal, but the atmosphere still dampened his words. Finally, when no one seemed to pay attention to him, he left.

The kitchen fell still and quiet, save the gentle sloshing of water over pans and bowls as Garnet cleaned up. Peridot wiped the corner of her mouth with a napkin. “I...I guess we can start now,” she said feebly. Amethyst barely acknowledged the words. Peridot pulled out her study guide, textbook, and notes. Amethyst just had Miss Diamond’s folder.

It was like they both knew what they had to get over, but neither was willing to take the first step — or just didn’t feel that she was in the right place to do so. Amethyst’s arms were folded. Peridot’s pencil scratched thin, dense lines in the margins.

Garnet walked out of the room and Peridot inhaled shakily.

“Look, I…”

Amethyst turned her sharp dark eyes up and Peridot’s train of thought derailed.

“I...ah...are you…”

“Just spit it out.”

This was going to be  _ extremely  _ difficult. “Gah! Why are you — you’re still mad at me, aren’t you?” The words came all spilling out at once, tripping over one another, and causing Peridot to slouch down in embarrassment. Her fingers gripped murderously around the armrests.

Amethyst took all of this in, then shrugged. “I just don’t like knowing that you heard that.”

After a cautious second, Peridot eyed her. She had leaned back in her chair and pulled her hand across her face. “I’m sorry,” she convinced herself to say, and then, with even more effort. “I know how you feel.”

“Yeah, that’s what everyone says.”

The sarcasm really hurt. “Amethyst, I was fostered when I was  _ five.  _ Do you honestly think that — ” oh stars, she couldn’t believe she was saying this “ — that I  _ wouldn’t  _ know? Hah — all that time and I thought, no one else knows what this feels like. I worked myself half to death trying to appease, what,  _ six  _ families before I came here, and nothing was ever enough. I was just...a burden.”

The last word escaped as a pathetic crack and she felt her eyes prickling at the corners. Oh no, she would  _ not  _ cry. As much as she forced herself, she could not look Amethyst in the eye.

“When I said I hate myself,” she added feebly, “that’s. Er. That’s what I meant.”

As the wind howled outside, a silence drifted over them as thick and still as a blanket. After she had said everything, Peridot’s fingers prickled like those times when you’ve cried so hard that your extremities go numb, and she squeezed her hands in her lap to alleviate them.

Amethyst still didn’t speak. She was waiting, but Peridot couldn’t think of anything else to say. Well, she knew  _ what  _ to say, but how to say it? She’d already made it sound like she was trying to garner pity, which was the  _ last  _ thing she’d wanted to do. She didn’t exactly  _ panic... _ but to a very slight degree, she  _ did  _ panic. The half-given offer wilted in the air, falling apart before her eyes, but she couldn’t figure out how to tie it up and make it stay, and so, instead of going on, she shook her head. She couldn’t do this, never, not in a million years. This was why she couldn’t keep any friends; she could never figure out how to give a complete apology, one that convinced, one that stayed. The spoken word escaped her. So she escaped it.

“I...never mind,” she grumbled. Ugh, that was terrible. It would have to do for now — just enough apology and heartfelt conversation to keep them aloft in studying, but not enough to completely seal the deal. Peridot didn’t think she was ready for the promise that would be needed to do that.

“What?” Amethyst asked, but Peridot had already jumped ship.

“Gah — just forget about it, all right? We need to work.”

With a huff, she opened her book and slammed her own completed study guide in the terrible space between them. Immediately, she sensed a change — though not verbally responsive, and though she hadn’t seen it before, Amethyst’s body language had been very open as Peridot had been speaking. But when the school things came out, she folded up again like a flower at dusk. Her husky, sensuous voice dropped to a bland monotone.

The transformation made Peridot comfortable because it was familiar, because Amethyst was predictable when she was bored and studying, but at the same time, it felt wrong. Like a silent, black-and-white film where 3-D and color and beautiful music should have been.

Outside, the snow did not cease in falling.

Of all their previous study sessions, however, regardless of how they felt in those versus how they felt that day, this was definitely the worst; neither of them were in the mood for studying when there was something still unfinished and heavy on their chests. Peridot felt as if she was being stifled by a thick blanket and all she wanted was for Amethyst to come in and take it off, to hold her in her strong arms and just accept what she had to say without having to say it — but obviously it didn’t work like that. Humans were doubtful. They couldn’t act upon subtext or implications. You had to say things explicitly or they wouldn’t do anything about it. And...it wasn’t like Peridot was innocent of any of that, either. She still wondered if Amethyst was mad at her because she hadn’t exactly said that she  _ wasn’t  _ mad!

She found herself repeatedly pinching her arm to stay on task, once so hard that she actually made herself wince. The hours dragged like they never had before. Only after the soft flesh inside her wrists was red and stinging did Garnet finally enter the kitchen, stand at the window for a second, and then turn to face Peridot with a grim expression.

“It’s pretty bad,” was all she said. Peridot had already closed her textbook.

“But...you can still take me home, right?”

“It’s...not impossible, but it will be difficult. One thing’s for sure…”

Steven, wearing a pair of unreasonably fuzzy pink socks, padded into the kitchen just as the words were spoken and then beamed. Stars seemed to glow in his big dark eyes. “Do you mean…?”

Garnet nodded and the boy whooped excitedly. “Snow day! Can Connie come over? Like, if the roads are better later?”

Another nod, then the woman turned to Peridot: “If you still want to try to make it home, I can take you now. But it will not be safe or easy.”

The offer tempted. Right then, Peridot wanted nothing more than her bed, possibly a cup of Vidalia’s hot chocolate, some time alone with herself and her music and her journal. But the weather really was bad...she couldn’t put Garnet in danger. This was the first thing she’d learned in life: never, ever make someone put themselves at risk for you — better to take on the consequences yourself than to push them on another. But then again...staying here would put a responsibility on the household to have a guest...either way, the rule would be broken… Stupid clods and their hospitality. It would be so much simpler if they didn’t give her a choice and just insisted on taking her home.

Thankfully, Steven saved her from bringing up the subject herself as he turned to her. “If you can’t go home, does that mean you’re staying here with us?”

“I...I don’t know. I suppose, if it isn’t too much trouble.” She looked at her hands.

“That’s okay! Garnet, it’s fine, right? All we need is to ask Pearl.”

Garnet shrugged and said something indifferent about just needing to start dinner, and Steven vanished just as fast as he’d appeared. An awkward second later (during which Peridot’s eyes floated to Amethyst’s paper, where the older girl had begun drawing a hyperrealistic eye in the margins), Pearl walked in after Steven, her thin hands folded.

“Peridot’s sleeping over because of the snow,” Steven explained. “Is that okay?”

Meanwhile, Pearl acted as if she had just noticed Peridot and Amethyst at the table, and had not witnessed them walk inside not two hours previously.

“Oh! Hello, you two...” she said distantly. “Yes...that’s fine, I suppose. You’re welcome to stay as long as you need, Peridot. Just...ah...how do I say it…”

“We sold all the guest room furniture to pay the bills,” Amethyst mumbled. Pearl shot her a look.

“I guess that’s one way to put it. But...yes, accommodations are limited. You see, we have a special timer on the heat to save energy, so the downstairs is chilly at night, but the upstairs guest bedrooms are still under construction. Do you mind where you sleep?”

“Er, no, not at all,” she lied, trying desperately to sound casual and cool with the whole situation. “I’ll sleep in the bathroom if I have to, haha!” Oops. Overdid it. But if Pearl noticed, it didn’t show.

“Oh, good! In that case, Amethyst, are you willing to share your bed with Peridot, just for tonight?”

If Peridot had been drinking water, she might have spat it out.

Instead, she just stared a little at Pearl, then at Amethyst, who was doing the same thing and met her eyes at one point, wow that was awkward — but both girls recognized the command in the soft suggestion and responded accordingly. Already Peridot felt her cheeks burning. Amethyst shifted in her seat and then said, “Whatever” without looking at anyone.

_ Sharing a bed with Amethyst.  _ If anything tested her ability to not scream “I’m a flaming gay, that’s probably NOT the best idea”, it was that. Of course she had the civility that full consent would be needed for anything she did, but Amethyst was unpredictable and Peridot had been annoyingly impulsive lately. With all these teenage hormones, and especially while a string of tension still ran between them, who knew what would happen? What would Peridot regret the next morning? At the very least they’d just be really awkward and lie as far away from each other as possible.

But that  _ was  _ preferable towards admitting something she would wish she hadn’t. If she just avoided confrontation, she should be fine. It’d be especially easy once they’d both fallen asleep, wouldn’t it? If she could just make it until Amethyst was snoring peacefully, she could call herself out of the danger zone...or so she’d convinced herself.

Once the arrangements had been made, Peridot sent a quick text to Vidalia explaining that she wouldn’t be coming home until the weather cleared, which, according to Garnet, wouldn’t be until about seven o’clock the next morning. There was a quick, quiet dinner of hot dogs, fries, and salad. Steven suggested that they have a movie night since tomorrow there wouldn’t be school, but Pearl slunk into her room to play on her small upright piano and Amethyst vanished stars knew where, so the movie watchers were down to Steven, Peridot, and Garnet. They watched Steven’s favorite movie,  _ Princess Bride.  _ Even Peridot had to admit that it was pretty good. But by the end of it, the snow had not lightened up, and as it was nine thirty, had erased any last chances of escaping home.

Steven went to bed immediately, so Peridot was left to trudge down to Amethyst’s room alone. The door was open just a crack. The only lights came from the purple Christmas bulbs strung up over the drapes and Amethyst’s laptop screen, illuminating her face with a ghostly pale glow. The owner herself sat up in bed, headphones turned up high enough for the tinny beat to filter into free air. Standing in the door, disheveled from a long day and with her backpack pulling on her shoulders, Peridot felt quite weary as Amethyst glanced languidly over her.

“Sorry,” she said, referring to the darkness, and flicked on the bedside lamp. “You...uh...can put your stuff wherever. Jammies are in the bottom drawer; most of it’s clean.”

_ ‘Most’ is the key word there,  _ Peridot wanted to grumble, but chose not to even though she probably wouldn’t have heard anyway. With some effort she pulled the bottom drawer open just to have a colorful array of wadded garments to explode out like some disgusting jack-in-the-box — were they  _ always  _ like this? Gingerly, she picked out a t-shirt, saw that it would go down to her knees, and folded it up. After just a couple minutes she had folded most of the drawer with military-like efficiency of space and selected a black shirt and baggy sweatpants that both seemed too small to fit a girl like Amethyst. The clothes were soft but strange on her skin.

It was ten o’clock. When she had changed in the adjacent bathroom and brushed her teeth, Amethyst was still on her laptop.

“You one of those weird morning shower people?” she murmured, never taking her eyes off the screen.

Peridot affirmed the question verbally and then began rummaging in her backpack for her journal and green pen. Normally, for written documents, she would prefer an electronic medium, but the mother of Family One had noticed her need to practice her English and bought her a composition notebook and the habit stuck. She always did it before bed, always in green pen; in Family Three she had taken to writing her more private entries in shaky Chinese and that continued to this day. If there was ever a chance she would be staying in a place for a long amount of time, she would bring her journal. Once she dug the materials from her backpack, Peridot sat against the wall, glanced up to see if Amethyst was still occupied, and clicked open her pen.

_ Log date 11-12-15,  _ she wrote on page 50, leaving a space between the new line and the last, and then pausing for thought.

_ A note to the author to purchase a new log book in preparation for the coming year, to continue consistency. My entries are growing steadily longer with time — I have been in Family Six not half a year and have nearly filled up one full book. Another note: write with concision. _

_ I have recently made a compromise with the… _ Another pause. ... _ the household of Amethyst Espina, upon poor weather conditions that have made travel difficult. The hospitality is appreciated, however, my sleeping quarters are...less so. The woman who calls herself Pearl arranged that I am to sleep adjacent to Amethyst — because they, although their house dwarfs any of mine, claim to have sold their furniture for money! Ha! Nevertheless, my sentence has been finalized. Currently, I sit on Amethyst’s garish purple rug, wearing Amethyst’s “jammies”, and preparing to sleep under the same blanket —  _

She moved a line down and switched to Chinese.

—  _ as the girl for whom I have already expressed my views. I do not cease to question them. _

Back to English.

_ I hypothesize that this experience will be uncomfortable, but other than that, I do not seriously predict other probable outcomes. Those which I can spin up I have deemed not impossible, but rather, illogical, and too close to clichéd television for a realistic taste. _

_ End log. _

She closed the journal only to suddenly find Amethyst’s eyes fixed on her, passing over the entire spectacle before her in what seemed to be amusement. “What?” she demanded automatically, only for Amethyst to smirk again. She’d put away her computer, pulled down her still-damp hair from its bun, and was under the covers now. How long had she been watching her?!

“Nothing...just, why homework? You heard Garnet. School’s out tomorrow.”

Peridot was confused until she realized another crucial bit about her logs — she always kept them in colorcoded composition notebooks. When she had transitioned from Family One to Two, the mother had bought a red notebook to replace her old classic white one, and she was frustrated at the inconsistency until she started the pattern of buying a new color to represent each host family. First white, then red, yellow, green, purple, and now blue. Blue happened to be the same color as her history notebook.

“Oh. This isn’t  _ school, _ it’s just a...personal project. Nothing important.”

Amethyst looked at her curiously, tilting her head slightly. “So is it like a diary?”

“It isn’t a  _ diary!”  _ Peridot spluttered. “It is an ordered set of logs kept chronologically to document and analyze my life happenings — a diary, psh, you’ve got to be joking!”

Oops. The words had come all spilling out at once, and she was unsure if she had possibly taken their shaky truce too far. But Amethyst just shrugged and nestled down on the right side of the bed, with a response of “Sounds like a diary to me” that didn’t  _ sound  _ mad, so Peridot kind of relaxed. Even still, these strained conversations were so far from the norm, so different from their lighthearted, procrastinating conversations of weeks before that Peridot knew there was something that still needed to be set right.

_ You can do it at any time,  _ her conscience told her.  _ Just tell her how you feel. _

Tell her how she felt? No more. That was a death trap. Without acknowledging the idea, Peridot climbed onto the right side of the squishy mattress, removed two of the excess pillows, placed them squarely between herself and Amethyst, and lay on her back below the thick blanket layer. Nothing had happened quite yet. And Amethyst didn’t seem to be open for talking right now, so Peridot doubted that something would, but why did everything just seem so unfinished? Like she had opened an array of doors that went nowhere? And  _ what did she want to say? _

Through the tumult of thought, she vaguely recognized that Amethyst had said something and looked over to her with an automatic “what?”. “Nothing. I just said g‘night,” the older girl replied as she flicked off the bedside light. “If you get up early, don’t wake me up, okay?”

And just like that she rolled over and went quiet, leaving Peridot to stare at the ceiling in the dark.

What did she have to say?

.

She wasn’t sure what time it was when she awoke from troubled slumber, which shouldn’t have been so much of a surprise, but for some reason it was the first thing on her mind when she found herself freezing to death on a strange bed. Why was it this cold? Had a window been broken? Her hands, which she pulled towards her chest to conserve body heat, crept out and found only the flannel mattress cover. The blankets were gone. A feasible explanation for her discomfort...if not also for the crushing darkness and the actual numbness of her fingers. The Christmas lights on Amethyst’s curtains were off. The red numbers, missing from the digital clock. A nearly tangible chill had permeated, stagnated in the room, soaking her and now solidifying.

Sitting up let Peridot find the blankets again on the other side of the pillow wall — Amethyst had pulled them away and lay on her side in a cozy mass. A purposeful action? Irrelevant. Grumbling and shivering uncontrollably, Peridot clambered over the pillow wall and reached to peel away the blanket.

It was a much more difficult task than she expected. In her sleep, Amethyst had spun the blankets around her own shivering body like cotton candy, which meant that pulling one meant unrolling Amethyst and forcing her closer to the edge of the bed. Her hair got tangled up too and Peridot found her hands stuck in a web of the soft bleached strands.  _ Why not just wake her up and ask her to share the damn blankets?  _ some of her wondered, but the other already knew the answer. That might make her mad. The only thing that might make her madder was pushing her off the bed…

Too bad she was already doing that.

With the sudden motivation of mortal terror, Peridot nearly leapt on top of the falling girl — she was face down with the top half of her body almost entirely off the edge, head in peril of knocking violently against her bedside table. Thinking fast, Peridot threw one hand under Amethyst’s shoulder and pulled her arm above her head with the other, so that when she rolled over, she didn’t hurt her arm. It was probably safe to say she was awake by now because she groaned as Peridot pulled her onto her back with no few grunts of effort, and especially as Peridot realized that she was nearly hugging the other girl from the heroic action. When she pushed herself up, she was straddled over Amethyst’s hips, both pairs of eyes wide and awake and locked on the other’s.

“Uh...Peridot?” Amethyst murmured blearily.

It felt like an eternity until the reality of the situation had sunk into Peridot’s mind. “Gah!” she spluttered and flew back as if launched by a catapult, landing on the pillow wall. “It was an accident, I swear!”

Amethyst blinked — it was good that not just one person here seemed to have trouble comprehending the situation. “Uh, okay,” she said. “Why’s it so…ugh, did the power go out again?”

“Wait...again?”

“Ugh, it did. Hold on, I’ll go tell Garnet. We’ve got a backup generator just for this...be right back.” Without so much as a second glance at Peridot, she slipped out of bed and out the door.

Peridot stared at the empty dark space where Amethyst once was, then at the empty shell of blankets. No use letting them go to waste. She burrowed into the tangle, curling her thin body into the fetal position to conserve heat. The warmth from Amethyst’s presence still lingered in the fabric.

It was a relief that she hadn’t addressed the recent close encounter, though Peridot couldn’t say she  _ wasn’t  _ proud of the heroic salvation. At least Amethyst wasn’t mad at her — it might even open up an opportunity for  _ all  _ hard feelings to go behind them. Er...no, no, maybe it wouldn’t. Peridot sensed that nothing would pass until she made her move; it was like chess, though Peridot had pacified an advancing threat, Amethyst refused to let the game die, and Peridot’s only chance was to step into the unknown and checkmate.

No...that was a bad analogy. It implied a battle. A struggle for dominance. This was neither. This, if anything, was a draw that should have ended in alliance.

A couple minutes passed and then Amethyst returned. Peridot heard her before she saw her, because in such an old house, the floorboards gave anyone away, and when those creaks approached she reluctantly surrendered the warmth of the blankets. Amethyst saw it and stopped her.

“Dude. I can share. It’s fine.”

The pillow wall had to go if they were to have adequate amounts of shared blanket. The power had not yet turned on, so as both girls stared into the icy darkness, they found themselves naturally gravitating towards the other for warmth. When Peridot let herself breathe above the covers, she froze, but if she ducked her head under them, it was stifling and she feared she might suffocate herself. Not that the option was unappealing. At least she could escape this…

She shifted in discomfort, only for her leg to brush against Amethyst’s and serve in making her even more anxious. That beautiful, full hair splayed across the pillow and one lock was very close to Peridot’s neck. The stiffness between them was maddening.  _ You have to talk,  _ common sense hissed.  _ It’ll make everything all better. Or at least divert her attention, by stars. _

_ Or it might just make her angrier,  _ Peridot argued.

_ Irrelevant. You need to tell her someday. At least it’ll make you feel better. _

_ Maybe. _

“Listen, I…” Nope nope nope. Too late, she tried to abort mission, but Amethyst had already looked over at her. “I...ah…”

“Well?” The other girl turned and rested her head on her arm. Like this, the wide neckline of her cheetah-spotted nightgown drooped down her shoulder, showcasing only a spare inch below her collarbone barely visible in the dim light. It wasn’t that the area of skin itself was promiscuous; just something about the situation made it embarrassingly obscene. Peridot couldn’t take it anymore.

“I just — agh! How many times do I have to say I’m sorry? How – how can I show you that I’m in  _ love  _ with you?!”

There was silence.

It occurred to Peridot that something had replaced the phrase “I want to help you”.

“I — I mean…” It wasn’t getting any warmer in this meat locker of a room but Peridot still jerked away, sat up, and pulled her legs into her chest. She could hardly look at Amethyst and squeezed her eyes shut, maybe to keep herself from crying in frustration, maybe just to avoid the look of absolute horror that must have been crossing Amethyst’s face just then.

Her fears didn’t match the soft rasp of the other girl’s voice as she repeated, “You’re in love with me?”

Peridot trembled uncontrollably and found herself chewing her bottom lip, a habit she thought she’d broken years ago. Finally she managed a fast, jerking nod.

Fabric rustled as Amethyst shifted in the darkness. “I meant that I want to help you,” Peridot burst before the other girl could respond. “I want to help you because I like you…but at the same time I like you because I feel like I need to help you, but none of it makes sense and — I can’t take it anymore, I didn’t want to tell you, but I just can’t — !”

Her fingers knotted with her hair and she had begun to pull, another old habit. Sniffling, she stared out the window. Snowing though it was, and with no power in this house, there must have been power elsewhere because the clouds glowed orange with light pollution. Now that her eyes had adjusted to the darkness, she could make out more blurry shapes of the room, and probably could have seen more if she had her glasses. Under her bare feet were the tangled sheets. Across the room, Amethyst’s guitar rested next to a folder of sheet music. In front of her was the face of the girl she had failed in avoiding. Wide-eyed, full lips parted. Peridot inhaled.

“On Tuesday afternoon,” she said shakily, “when I heard you come back, for a second, I knew what you were feeling then. I was scared. Maybe just…for that time, but I understood. And I wanted to be there for you.”

Her voice fell of its own accord.

“I want to be here for you always. Not just because I like you. But I don’t want you to feel alone.”

Amethyst was quiet as she took this in, and then the fabric rustled again as she climbed across the bed, handed Peridot her glasses from the bedside table, pulled one of the fleece blankets over Peridot’s shoulders. “Talk to me,” was all she said. “Me later. I wanna know you.”

She had started to pull her hand away, but then it touched Peridot’s fingers and lingered. She let it. “What do you want to know?”

“Whatever you’re feeling I guess. Who’d you fall in love with?”

“Er...I thought I made that clear. I don’t understand.”

A smile, a real smile at last, split Amethyst’s face. “That makes two of us. I mean — well, you’re always pushing me to ask more questions. To look into the hypotheses or whatever. I wanna know why you think you wanna go out with me.”

That  _ did  _ make more sense. Amethyst nudged her hand gently. 

“C’mon, you’ve got something to say. I’ll listen.”

_ Did _ she have something to say? Hadn’t she said it already? She didn’t have a singular “I like you because”. It wasn’t that there wasn’t any at all, just that there was too many, and that they had accumulated behind an iron wall and left to grow without gardening. Some had made it into only the Chinese portions of her logs, jotted in basic phrases and broken grammar that did nothing to express their real meaning, and others had never even been written because they were too difficult to put into words. Could she do it now, on the spot — for the girl she couldn’t bear to let down? 

Peridot breathed long, shakily. Unlike most momentous conversations, she had never practiced this one because she had hoped it would never come to fruition. Now that she stood at the threshold she didn’t know what to feel, what to think.

Five thick but gentle fingers, whose nails were painted in chipped black glitter, slipped between her own thin ones. Something inside her fluttered. 

“Do you remember,” she finally forced, “when I said I was ace-aro?”

This was when the backup power generator must have finally begun working, because a soothing hum whirred to life and the string of purple lights clicked on. Amethyst looked up and met her eyes. Her smooth, perfect face was a soft mauve. 

“Yeah. Why?”

Peridot bit her lip — what an awful habit. She would have to work on that again. “I realized that...I don’t recall when, but that...you are not half as bad as I first expected. And that. I may be harboring…certain types of, ah,  _ intense desires.  _ And I don’t understand, or even have a particular reason, which is annoying, but I have come to a conclusion that no evidence can disprove. I am probably in love with you.”

Did the furnace kick in quite that fast, or was that just Peridot? She was glad the only lights were purple; her face was surely beet red. Only the worst case scenarios teetered on her expectations now, and had caused her to draw into herself again, knees tucked up and head down. Her hand had subconsciously escaped Amethyst’s, as if it knew the rejection before she did. 

But then Amethyst just ran her hand through her hair and laughed breathlessly. 

“Okay, that’s cool.”

Wait...that was it? No indignance? No shock? “You’re not...mad about it?”

“Why would I be mad? As long as you’re not saying it just to, like, take advantage of me or whatever. Guilt trip me into a relationship, that’s not cool. But like, if that’s something you’ve come to terms with, I’m happy for you.”

“But — but I lied to you!”

Amethyst raised an eyebrow. “Yeah? When?”

“I — ” Now that she thought about it like that though, it wasn’t even a lie. It was just a conclusion made before all the data had been analyzed. But it was still embarrassing. “I told you I didn’t understand sexual attraction when I clearly do. I’m  _ not  _ asexual. And now — I, agh, I don’t know! What do I call myself now, I’ve invalidated the only words I can use to describe my orientation, how do I find new ones?”

To her surprise, Amethyst let out a little laugh at this. “That’s not how it works, Peri.” She reached across the space and placed her hand on Peridot’s shoulder. “You didn’t...invalidate it or anything.”

“Well — tell me how it works then!”

The heat from the furnace had begun to take effect. Amethyst’s hand dropped back down to Peridot’s. 

“There isn’t,” and she took a deep breath in, the fleecy fabric of her nightgown shifting as she moved. The wide neckline drooped again as she leaned forward. “There isn’t a way it  _ works.  _ It just is. It’s called orientation for a reason, it moves sometimes, and you’re no less valid in any of your labels even if you change, if you keep the same one forever, even if you don’t use ‘em at all. You’re not even   really them. You’re  _ you.  _ You’re Peridot Chen Sun and all that matters is that you feel right about that.”

“You know my name,” Peridot said stupidly. Amethyst hadn’t been in class when Miss Diamond had said her full name, and she only ever wrote Peridot Sun on assignments. The other girl just shrugged.

“I wanted to know, but I didn’t know how to ask you, so I stole Diamond’s attendance thing. Do you... _ want  _ me to call you Chen? I can change, it’s fine — ”

“I’m not Chen,” Peridot said. “I was just surprised that you knew.”

Amethyst shrugged in acceptance and left the conversation open again. It was good, though, that Peridot knew one label for sure. She was not Chen Sun. 

They were quiet for a few seconds. 

“I don’t know what to use now, though,” Peridot referred back to her orientation. “I don’t know where my experiences fall between sexual or romantic attraction. How do I define — ”

Amethyst chuckled. “Define?” 

“Yes,” she was straight-faced.  _ Hardly straight at all, however,  _ something in her couldn’t help but think. “What’s wrong with that?”

“You can’t  _ define _ this, Peridot!” Amethyst exclaimed. The purple lights danced manically in her eyes. “There’s nothing in the world that can describe this — love, emotion, a choice, whatever it is — it’s a journey of its own. It’s not something you  _ define.  _ You can’t — you can’t just read about it in a book and say you know what it is. You gotta…”

She took a deep, sighing breath amidst the song of her voice and leaned back, leaving Peridot’s hand alone. Her face turned to the parted curtains and a dreamlike smile graced her lips. “You gotta  _ know  _ it. It’s different for you, it’s different for me, and you need to explore it for yourself. Try it. Wiggle around with different labels, even throw ‘em out if you need. Take a chance, and maybe, maybe you won’t like it, but…maybe you’ll find that it’s not too bad.”

For the umpteenth time that night, Peridot had nothing to say. She understood, but how could she go on? If the game of love had no set rules, what would dictate her actions? 

“So what do I do now?” she said at last, uselessly. Helplessly. Amethyst met her eyes. 

If the circumstances had been just a bit different, what happened next might have never at all. Later, Peridot would account it to several unique factors — the blissful drowsiness of 1 A.M., the emotional fatigue from three months’ worth of confession, the sensuous dripping purple lights that covered everything in a liquid iridescence...the velvety rasp of Amethyst’s low voice as she leaned forward and took her hands a third time.

“Well, what would you like to do?”

Peridot’s own heartbeat had begun to quicken, as if her body knew what was going to happen before she did. She remembered lectures about dating and kissing and boys. Few about girls. She couldn’t forget the paranoias of earlier in the day, the fear of doing something she would regret. She thought of Miss Diamond’s warning:  _ Be careful.  _

And she remembered the pure bliss that came with a friend who understood you, who listened. She felt again the thrill of doing stupid things like eating pies and piercing ears. She heard the bell-like laughter of nerds in their home court,  _ her  _ home court; she felt the warmth in her chest of the night Amethyst had fallen asleep in her lap.  _ This  _ was it, whatever that definition was, that thing she had been trying to fit into a dictionary entry for her entire life. 

This, the thing that convinced her to take a deep breath and guide Amethyst’s willing hands up to her face.

“I want to try,” she said, “before I can change my mind.”

Amethyst’s eyes widened, as if she had expected something else. “Are you sure? Have you ever…?”

The younger girl shook her head.

“Then why not,” Amethyst responded. All the while, she had been leaning a little closer, and now she shifted slowly to face each other. Her thumbs brushed Peridot’s cheeks. “I mean…”

“Only if you want,” Peridot blurted. The smallest smile pulled at Amethyst’s lips. 

“Yeah. I think I do.”

When Peridot had thought before about this night, she had worried for things she would regret. She had predicted a fight, something foolish said, and a silent passionate confession. Something unsubstantial, unreal. She had fantasized crashing together in a tangle of anger and fire, perhaps Amethyst pinning her against the pillows and probing her mouth with her tongue, reducing Peridot to a writhing mess like the heroine always did under her dashing brigand.

And she had been so, so wrong.

When Amethyst kissed her, she leaned in halfway and waited for Peridot to close the gap. And Peridot couldn’t take it anymore, she obliged without hesitation, and she did it with her lips pressed together. A subtle movement of Amethyst’s open mouth gave a subtle guide, Peridot corrected her mistake, and they fell into each other at long last. Amethyst’s eyes were closed. Should Peridot have closed her eyes? But she wanted to see. She never wanted to forget this. This...beautiful, exquisite, terrifying thing.

Peridot’s hands shook so much that they slipped out from beneath her, breaking the tentative first kiss and letting each girl take in the other’s flushed face. Then Amethyst asked, “How about that?”

“I...don’t know if I have gathered enough information to answer,” Peridot tried to say with a straight face, and while getting enough air. She let out a deep breath. The response had been successful regardless — Amethyst laughed.

“There’s always trial two.”

Since Peridot had fallen backwards, she allowed Amethyst to recline close enough to reach down and kiss her again. It was still clumsy. At first, Peridot feared that Amethyst would have a hard time completing the action in more depth because of Peridot’s braces, but the older girl seemed to be no rookie to this and led with a steady hand. With time, both girls felt the other relaxing and allowed this one to be savored. There was just so...so much. The light, warm breath on Peridot’s cheeks as they parted for air. The rhythm, though faint, in how Amethyst’s soft lips parted and moved around her own. How, though she wanted nothing more than to look at the other girl, Peridot couldn’t help but close her eyes. 

As they grew more comfortable, Amethyst shifted up and nearly on top of Peridot for a few last, overwhelming kisses that left Peridot trailing wistfully after her as she pulled away. Her hair tumbled around her face in a curtain, other than a few strands behind her back that had gotten woven up in Peridot’s fingers as their embrace remained. Stars, she had never imagined this was what it felt like, to have the beautiful weight of Amethyst’s body pressed against hers, for this hunger inside of her to be pacified. “I,” she tried to form words, but none would suffice. Instead, Peridot smiled. 

“There it is,” Amethyst grinned back. “That’s my Peri. Happy Peri.”

The experiment had left them both excited, if not tired, and as they shifted back into their places under the blankets both girls lay a little closer than before. Not quite cuddling. But awful close. “I guess I’ll have to give back that pin,” Peridot murmured, half to herself. Amethyst yawned.

“What pin’s that again?”

“The one you gave me. You know.” Peridot loved the pin, but other people’s puns were hard to say without some embarrassment. “The pins styled after aquatic mammals and incorporating terrible puns about sexualities. The...asexu-whale?”

“Ohh, right.” The older girl turned onto her back and tucked her hands under her head. “Well, if we start going out, you can give it to me on our first date or something.”

“Our first...what?”

“You wanted to go out with me. Didn’t you think of a first date?”

A first date...should she lie? Was this something that non-asexual people typically thought of? Was it just her being socially defunct again? What even  _ were  _ dates, other than the cliched clipart imagery of two people at a candlelit dinner? But if there was anything that Peridot had deduced for herself from this corrupt terrible world, it was that relationships needed trust, especially in their fragile newborn stages, and she decided to tell the truth. 

“Er...no. I don’t think about those sort of things.”

Amethyst eyed her, not with anything negative like she’d feared, but rather, with amusement. “Really? Nothing? It’s all just hot makeout sessions for you, isn’t it?”

“I’m sorry,” Peridot blurted automatically, but Amethyst waved it off. 

“Nah, nothing to apologize for, we’ll figure something out. You can keep the pin for now, though. I’ll just get you a new one.”

“What?”

Amethyst gave a suspicious little giggle, and wore the distinctive grin of someone about to make a terrible pun. Peridot started groaning even before she said it. 

“An aro-manatee.”

Peridot whacked her with a pillow. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> whew that chapter's finally done...what a whopper. i have been waiting to do that since like. day one of this fanfic, i kid you not. all of everything was built up in preparation for that scene.  
> however y'all might have noticed some loose strings i haven't tied up yet. yes i am going to get to those. however, because i've been building up so much for this chapter, i paid no attention to the chapters after this, and so, like peridot, i have no frickin idea what to do for a first date.  
> if anyone has any ideas, i'd love to hear them. really. i'll shout out anyone who gives me help. please. thank you.


	11. Screen (End of Act I)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> END OF ACT I.
> 
> \- Screen — twenty one pilots -
> 
> "While you're doing fine, there's some people and I  
> Who have a really tough time getting through this life  
> So excuse us while we sing to the sky"

When Peridot woke up the next morning, she thought she had been dreaming. Something very surreal had taken place last night — a not-exactly-accidental-but-still-unfortunate confession, one impassioned speech, and contact. The kiss. Such blissful, long desired _ contact _ . That couldn’t have happened, could it? Everything so fast like that? Bracing herself for something she could not identify, Peridot groped across the side table for her glasses and then turned to the girl beside her in bed. 

The pillow wall was gone just as it had been last night and Amethyst curled up very close, facing Peridot. Still sleeping and with just the faintest, most delicate snore. Her makeup-free face once again took on the softness of relaxation, transforming someone who could pass for a grown woman into just a girl again, barely sixteen years into the ancient world. Something else had changed, though. Something about the relaxation had a new undertone to it...no, not new, just different. It had been there before, she realized, just never like this. 

Just as Peridot was about to climb out of bed, a phone somewhere began to play music. It wasn’t hers but she still panicked briefly, not wanting for Amethyst to wake up, but then the other girl groaned and robotically reached behind her side of the bed to silence the alarm. Rubbing her eyes, she glanced towards Peridot as if just remembering that she was there. “Izzit snow day?” Apparently not, though. Amethyst forgot very little.

Peridot checked her own phone, teetering at an impressive 3% battery, but had received notification from the school’s twitter account. “Apparently so,” she responded, but the word had barely left her mouth when two strong arms pulled her down onto the bed again.

“Mmmkay, awesome. Stay with me, then.”

Peridot had instinctively stiffened up but accepted as Amethyst nestled her head next to hers, their cheeks nearly touching. Despite whatever unspoken truce that had been born between them, the close contact still filled her with a wonderful thrill and the impulse led to Peridot pulling her arm behind Amethyst’s back.  _ Am I acting too fast?  _ she wondered, but Amethyst didn’t say anything about it and reciprocated by snuggling up closer. 

“Change your mind about me since last night?” she hummed into Peridot’s ear, punctuating it with a kiss pressed to her cheek. She hadn’t changed her mind, but she had more doubts now and wasn’t sure if she could ask them correctly. So instead she just shook her head and lay there.

Though somehow nerve-wracking, the scene was actually quite peaceful — the warmth of Amethyst at her side, the tangled quilts all around them, the pale grey-lavender in the still room as light filtered through clouds and gauzy curtains. “We can sleep more,” Amethyst said what Peridot had been considering. She shrugged.

“You can. I have to eat breakfast.”

“Nooooo…” To her neverending surprise, Amethyst threw her arms around Peridot and hugged her tight, not dissimilar from the “bear” hugs she would have given when they were friends. So some things didn’t change. “Don’t go.”

“Okay. Sorry.”

“What? No, you can go.” The sudden change of opinion confused Peridot and she looked at the other girl for clarification. “I’m just...god, sorry. I keep forgetting you’re, like, new at this.”

“Thanks,” Peridot said sarcastically. Amethyst laughed.

“No, no, no...I didn’t mean it like that. I think it’s actually kinda cool that you’re so, I dunno, reserved? It’s like, wow, that Peridot? She’s really got her shit together. She’s not off ruining her life at wild parties and slammin’ half the kids in school. And like not even in the  _ nerd  _ way. Like more mature.”

“Really?”

“Yeah really! You know how gross high schoolers are? I’m not even kidding, we’re terrible and we all know it. It’s kinda nice having someone like you who takes things, like, a little more seriously.”

The compliment (?) felt strange as Peridot rolled it around her head. Amethyst had told her that she was cool before, but she’d never really  _ believed  _ it. “What does that have to do with my morning meal?”

“Well, you’re new,” she said again, then sat up to face her with her hands out expressively. “It’s like this. You don’t... _ have  _ to do things if I tell you to do them. Like a lot of times on TV and stuff it makes you think that you gotta...I dunno...put what other people  _ want  _ in front of what you  _ need?  _ Like they’re all about self-sacrifice when that’s actually not how it works. There’s a difference between selfishness and self-care, basically. So if you need to eat but I wanna cuddle, it’s not really my choice, is it?”

“Right...but you protested anyway.”

Amethyst chuckled. “It’s just a joke, Peri. It’s just something you do to tell your girlfriend that you like holding her. I didn’t mean, like, NO, you’re not allowed to go get something to eat.”

“I see.” Peridot wasn’t really sure what to do in that case. Not to mention the weirdness that came with the term “girlfriend”. She preferred the term “partner”; a little more gender neutral and might warrant less introspection if relatives of the host family came over like all hosts had around this time of the year. “So…”

“You can go any time you want!” the older girl grinned. “Hey, I might come with you too. I’m guessing only Pearl’s up this early and, yeah, well, she’s always less  _ prickly _ around you.”

There it was. That’s what was so strange about everything. They had never reached the end of their conversation last night, had they? They’d just gotten all carried away with the kiss that  _ Amethyst  _ had started. Peridot narrowed her eyes and watched Amethyst a little closer as the older girl slipped out of bed and ran a hand through her dyed hair, avoiding Peridot’s gaze — purposefully? 

“Amethyst,” she ventured, “are you...avoiding something?”

Amethyst hesitated, then sniffed, “Psh, no. Why would I do that?”

Yes, she was avoiding something. Peridot let the matter sleep for the time being, but as she and Amethyst padded down the stairs to the kitchen, she noted how Amethyst struggled to hide from Pearl’s gaze. The thin woman was eating a meager bowl of grey oatmeal. 

“Oh...you two look well,” Pearl tried. “Did you sleep all right?”

Amethyst just shrugged noncommittally and went to the pantry. Unsure of what to do, Peridot lingered by Pearl and took up the question instead. 

“Yes, it was fine. Thank you.” 

Both of them looked over to Amethyst, still in the pantry. Pearl lowered her head, then sat up and forced a cheesy smile. 

“Well, I could get you girls some scrambly eggs or toast. Does that sound okay, Amethyst?”

“What? Oh, sounds terrific,” Amethyst responded, her voice shaky with sarcasm. When Pearl retreated into the kitchen, and as the sounds of clashing pots and pans provided a natural barrier between the woman and the dining table, Amethyst sunk into her normal seat beside Peridot and rolled her eyes. Her voice dropped furtively. 

“She’s just trying to sucker up to me, I can’t even believe it. She didn’t even take back what she said. But you know what that’s like, don’t you?”

“I do,” Peridot said slowly, “but, listen Amethyst, I don’t know if…”

Just then Pearl pulled her head away from the stovetop and asked what kind of jam Peridot would like. She responded, “Apple, if you have it” and then glanced back to Amethyst. Too late, because the girl had already started talking again. 

“She thinks that everything’s all okay now, but you know what? I’m never forgiving her, and I don’t need her. I’ve got you.”

In that moment, Peridot knew Amethyst was right about being more mature, because instead of the same hormonal impulse at the words there was a dread that it wasn’t exactly a good thing.  _ My stars, she’s really doing it, isn’t she?  _ Peridot thought.  _ She’s using me as a distraction to ignore her family!  _ It couldn’t really be Amethyst’s fault, though, maybe she wasn’t even doing it purposefully. 

She waited a few minutes after they had begun eating and Amethyst’s mid was surely on other things, before Peridot feigned a glance around the kitchen. Pearl hunched inside the office, the glass door closed as she spoke into a cell phone. No chance of her hearing. Then Peridot said saucily, “Remind me...I want to talk later. About our relationship, and not here.”

_ Not here _ because, to Amethyst, it would seem like she just didn’t want to be interrupted by the rest of the family and that it was about something intimate. That would work out because she was avoiding them anyway. In reality she asked for that because Amethyst might be more open if she knew there was no chance of her guardians overhearing her complaints, but from there, it could go one of two ways. She could get an opportunity to adjust their rocky start and discuss Amethyst’s issues, which she had wanted to do in the first place. Or Amethyst would get the wrong idea entirely and it would end up in another hot makeout session…

But she didn’t say any of that, only pressed a smirk to her face and repeated. “Just us. Let’s go out.”

Thankfully Amethyst seemed to not suspect a thing. She smiled back and nudged Peridot’s leg under the table. “Just us? Alone on a first date? Man, you really  _ are  _ a freak. Too bad I’m ace or we’d have some fun.”

“That’s not...exactly what I meant,” Peridot responded coolly, trying very hard to not think too deep into the referenced “fun”. Damn sexual tension, there would be time for a honeymoon later. There was a family to fix now. Still...she seemed to know now that she was distracting and was trying harder — curse those flirty little hair twirls. 

“Heh, I know.”

“So perhaps, a coffeeshop would suffice — ”

Amethyst blew a raspberry, sticking her tongue out so far that the piercing flashed in the light. “Boooo-ring. How about the park, or a carnival?”

“There is a snowstorm outside, Amethyst.”

“Right, right...we could drive down to the aquarium, that’s where Chrysolite went with her girlfriend.”

“You’re not allowed to drive,” Garnet reminded as she drifted across the kitchen to the coffee machine. 

“Don’t rub it in,” Amethyst huffed. Peridot sensed that the tension had lightened between the flighty girl and the stoic woman since yesterday, and she wondered if they had spoken while the power had been out. In response to her, Garnet just gave a small pressed smile. 

“I can take you and Peridot wherever you need to go, within reason. But Peridot may want to stop by her house for her things, is that fine?”

The question of the second sentence was directed towards Peridot, who coincidentally had just begun wondering how she would clothe herself. It was almost as if Garnet had seen what she was going to ask before she did...curious. Peridot nodded carefully.

Perhaps that was a bit too much, but tensions still seemed to run high. Better safe than sorry. With that settled, Garnet allowed them to finish breakfast and for Amethyst to change, quietly informed the preoccupied Pearl that she was taking the girls out, and led them to the garage. Peridot realized that this was such a trivial part of her log just as she wrote identical words to these that night, but she had taken particular note of it: she had never seen the entire garage, only a part or two. It was actually enormous, and even more interestingly, it seemed to be a repair shop convert. There was nothing new in this garage, only common pickups from the 90’s plus a rusty cruiser, many propped on concrete blocks, the cruiser suspended by an old hydraulic hoist. Obviously Pearl projects — the tools on the workbench were organized by color, for stars’ sakes. No one explained and she didn’t ask, but the place still enchanted her. She’d always wanted to study automobile mechanics… 

Only two complete, functioning cars inhabited the garage — no, wait, one. The one was a clunky maroon van and the eliminated other was Amethyst’s Toyota, now revealed to have a crushed front fender and a shattered left light. Probably from whatever had gone down on Tuesday. Garnet steered them towards the van, much to Amethyst’s apparent chagrin, but she didn’t seem to mind being put in the backseat with Peridot.

Driving was slow, their driver even slower. She insisted on “safety first” for everything, apparently, mostly because of Steven who wasn’t even in the car with them. But Garnet had a good point too. This was saying a lot because Peridot thought most snow days were useless and a waste of time, but even she had to admit that it really  _ had  _ been worth cancellation, especially along the long two-lane main road between Amethyst’s and Peridot’s houses. The bright white sky still spat snow, but it had slowed since last night, laying about a half inch an hour instead of two (again, according to Garnet).

“You have to be very careful on this road, especially in bad weather,” she reported as they inched behind a salt truck with flashing yellow lights. “The bankrupt city has failed to build four lanes for high-frequency traffic. It would have saved many lives.”

“Saved lives?” Peridot asked numbly, and glanced out her misty window. Amethyst pointed over her shoulder. There were three little crosses in the ditch about twenty feet from the road, barely visible in the drifts of white. 

“Yeah. Every three years or so someone just...loses it on the ice. Those were last winter.”

Amethyst’s voice dropped husky and melancholy, and suddenly Peridot felt very small. She wanted to ask more questions now, like who were the three, had they been together, had they died instantly. But that wasn’t right. She looked at her hands instead. Amethyst was very perceptive and seemed to notice that she’d just dropped a weight into the already quiet scene, and tried to lighten it with a little grin. “Hey, we never decided where we were gonna go. How about that one bookstore that you’re always talkin’ about? The one with the Starbucks inside?”

Right. They were on a mission. Amethyst to avoid, Peridot to mediate. The bookstore would offer a calming atmosphere, a romance-neutral environment to focus more on family issues, AND an opportunity to study if they were to bring their materials. “That sounds reasonable,” she responded. Garnet gave a glance back, and though Peridot couldn’t see her eyes, she could swear it was a knowing one. The neutral location hid nothing. 

The older woman waited in the car to keep it warm as they arrived at Vidalia’s, and Amethyst walked in with Peridot. Both girls silently debated on whether or not telling Vidalia that they were now officially, quote, “in love”, unquote was a good idea, but the second they stepped into the cozy little house, the rebel-turned-mother made the decision for them. 

“Someone had fun last night,” she smirked. Of course, some of the slyness was lost as she scrubbed out a sippy cup and the sounds of  _ Crying Breakfast Friends  _ filtered in from the living room. But neither girl missed how she took in Peridot’s rumpled hair and borrowed clothes, Amethyst’s hand hovering unsure near Peridot’s. Abruptly Amethyst pulled that hand up and brushed her hair behind her ear. 

“Miss you too, V,” she said. “Thought you said you weren’t looking out to hook me up anymore, what’s with that?”

“Mmm, I didn’t need to,” Vidalia chuckled and leaned against the counter. “The second I heard that my Peridot was with this purple-haired firework, the church bells started ringing. So, Peri? How’s it feel?”

Peridot had been slightly lost in the terse but flippant exchange between her host mother and her new partner. Amethyst  _ had  _ said they were close, but it was like they spoke a language of their own, or held some sort of telepathic bond found only in the closest of sisters. Kind of amazing, actually. How could Vidalia tell that it had happened  _ last night,  _ of all the dozens of times she had been with Amethyst — was it a mom instinct? Family Four knew and accepted that their son was gay even before he did. Was it like that? Carefully, she nodded, then changed it to an actual answer halfway through.

“I...it feels good, I guess. I haven’t gathered enough information to form a conclusive answer.”

Both Amethyst and Vidalia burst out into cackles, which confused her because she hadn’t quite meant to set off that response, but it was satisfying anyway and she shifted her weight. “Aw man, Polkadot, you’re killing me,” Amethyst grinned, and then said to Vidalia, “See, I told you, she’s so cute!”

“What do you mean, you told her?” Peridot repeated, surprised. 

“Hey, I dunno if you noticed, or what came over you two to start...you know,” Vidalia smirked at Amethyst, who had started to turn a darker shade of brown, “but your homegirl here has liked you since you started getting into that one cartoon. Right after you stopped flirting, am I right?”

“Ahaha, yeah,” Amethyst gave a smaller, breathier laugh and rubbed the back of her neck. “Kinda embarrassing, but it was just a little bit, and I guess there’s no secrets between lovers.”

“I suppose not.” Peridot glanced at the stove clock, saw that the day was still young, but decided to move things along anyway. “I’ll be right back — ” And she scampered up the stairs, lowering her head to hide the flush on her face. 

Changing, unlike her normal impersonal routine, turned out to be more difficult now. Nerves, perhaps — the reality of the situation just settled in. She was going out with Amethyst. Even if she didn’t quite understand the romantic connotations of...well, anything really, it was still as exhilarating as the pie-eating contest, piercing their ears, cosplaying for Sci-Fi. Except that now there was nothing stopping her from leaning her head on Amethyst’s chest and falling into her presence, bending her head up and letting those beautiful sweet lips press against her own again, or if Amethyst willed, to more sacred parts of her. Well, except for Amethyst being ace, and also that one Thing that had been her original mission, but the mission had been to resolve this existing Thing before establishing new connections on fresh ground.

It would require a certain amount of professionalism. Perhaps a polo shirt or button down...no, too cold. Definitely jeans. Aha, there were those tight grey ones that matched the rebel aesthetic of her daring hair. So just a professional top with  _ some  _ casual elements...Amethyst was wearing a black shirt and scarf. Maybe a similarly “cozy” sweater, nyehehe, this green one was perfect with her peridot earrings to match. She imagined this was what a bride must feel like as she blow-dried her hair after a brief shower and combed in a spare amount of gel. She must look perfect. Meaning, her hair needed to look tousled and spiky but not  _ messy... _ stars, she wished for Amethyst’s makeup bag again.

Pulling her phone from its charger, she saw that she had left Amethyst waiting for almost twenty minutes and momentarily panicked. She’d taken too long! Amethyst and Vidalia were probably bored by now — but no, no, she could hear them talking and no one sounded bored. In fact —

“...yeah, me and Onion swung by the Big Donut just the other day and they said you were off. Did something happen?”

In fact, things had just started heating up.

“Oh. I just thought I needed more time for school.”

“Really.”

That was the  _ I can see right through you  _ voice. Peridot had heard that so many times from so many matriarchs, and the most integral part of her slowed her feet and allowed her to linger just out of sight at the top of the stairs. They seemed to be sitting in the living room, someone drinking tea from the clink of a cup on a saucer. A sigh went up, not just the exhausted teenager sigh, but with reluctance laced on this one.

“I wanted to find my birth mom, so I skipped school and took Steven with me. I just felt so  _ trapped  _ at home, like with Pearl and Garnet always on my tail, and I wanted to know if she was any better. It was stupid though.”

“Did you find what you were looking for?”

A hesitation. Then something that Peridot somehow knew was a half-truth:

“No. I just got the car taken away and that was the end of it. Can’t make it to work without a car.”

She was doing it  _ again!  _ Avoiding the root of her emotion by focusing on superficial things — ugh, how could a single person be simultaneously so frustrating and pity-inducing? Vidalia also seemed to notice something fishy about the claims, but said nothing about it, because by that point Peridot had injected herself into the conversation with partially-purposefully loud stomps down the stairs. It was time to end this herself. 

“Well, I think I’m ready to go,” she plastered a smirk onto her face, which wasn’t hard because she was actually feeling surprisingly cocky now. “My lady Amethyst?”

“I like the sound of that,” Vidalia remarked as Amethyst grinned. What an astounding act.

“That’s my Peridazzle. Ahem...shall we?” 

They bundled up in coats and then Amethyst let Peridot slip her small gloved hands through the crook of her arm. Not quite hand-holding, but enough that Vidalia could take a picture for “her homegirls’ first date”. Peridot found it very hard to believe that this was Amethyst’s first date, or even if this qualified as a date, but upon asking received a shrug.

“I’ve been on dates, just never a real one. Like with someone I  _ like.  _ It’s always been super fast and stiff and kinda just because I’m the only other single kid, like an arranged marriage, you know?”

“Believe it or not, I  _ don’t  _ know what arranged marriage feels like,” Peridot deadpanned and caused another laugh. Stars, it always made her  _ breathless _ to make Amethyst laugh. By now she had figured out which buttons to push, more correctly, which ones not to push — early on, when they were strictly lab partners, Amethyst had started joking around during a lab and Peridot had repeated one she’d heard in the halls...only to find out that it was racist. She had apologized and tried very hard to avoid other sensitive “humor”. 

The snow had all but stopped when they got back in the car and Garnet drove them to the bookstore, but by the time she dropped them off, it had started up again and descended in fast, fat flakes. Laughing, the two girls ran in and dusted the snow off each other’s hair. “Did I ever tell you that I love your new do?” Amethyst asked and opened the door for Peridot. In response she opened the second door for Amethyst. 

“It’s hardly  _ new.  _ I never replaced a single strand from my cranial ornamentation, simply paid some women to alter the color, length, and position of existing ones.”

If she could have, Peridot supposed that Amethyst would have burst out into cackling laughter. However, they had entered into the cozy-but-grumpy air that comes with bookstores, the one that says  _ We like you because you like books but if you are loud we will begin carving your gravestone for you.  _ So instead, Amethyst just grinned and whispered, “This is why I like you. Mind?”

Peridot had pulled off her gloves and immediately, Amethyst’s hand dropped down and brushed her fingers. After a hesitation and a glance around at the cashiers, the several people milling the aisles of books, and the straight couple holding hands across a café table, Peridot shook her head.

“I don’t know if I’m comfortable with public displays of affection. I’m sorry.”

“Oh, okay. That’s totally fine, whenever you’re ready,” Amethyst smiled and put her hand in her pocket, and to Peridot’s relief sounded no less enthusiastic about their date than before. “You wanna hit up the café first or get books? Sorry, I don’t really know how to do bookstores.”

“You always get your books first,” explained Peridot, already drifting over to a table displaying sleek Nook tablets. She’d never had an e-reader of her own; she’d shared a Kindle Fire with her foster sister in Family Five but only for school… “At least that’s what I do. Just to have something to read while I...ah...sit by myself.”

The fallacy in the explanation became clear as Amethyst nudged her with her elbow. “But you won’t be by yourself,” she smirked, then shrugged. “It’s totally fine though. I need a book for lit anyway and we’re gonna mark these up.”

Fifteen minutes later they stood at the register, Amethyst with Shakespeare’s  _ Hamlet  _ and Peridot with a Daniel Nayeri collection. “They’ve got insane chocolate chip cookies,” Amethyst remarked offhandedly, obviously anticipating the café. Peridot took this into consideration and soon both girls sat at a table for two in the far back of the café, Amethyst devouring her cookie and Peridot nibbling hers.

“Soooo…” Amethyst started the conversation, like Peridot had hoped she would, and leaned flirtily across the table. “About our relationship.”

“Yes. There’s something I want to discuss before we continue this endeavor.”

“Mmm? And what’s that?”

She was completely receptive — and a little distracting as she twirled her hair around her finger in a way that was really, really hot. Peridot ignored her own hormones and pushed her glasses up her nose.

“Amethyst, if you and I intend to create a relationship, I will not consent until you have mended your status with your family.”

The flirty smile hesitated for a second, then Amethyst blinked and it faded into sharp indifference. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” she muttered, and hid the fact that she was avoiding Peridot’s eyes by taking a sip of her hot cocoa. “Pearl said she’s sorry, can’t we just drop it already? There’s nothing to fix.”

“An hour and thirty minutes ago, you claimed of Pearl, and I quote, ‘I’m never forgiving her, I don’t need her’. I can hardly call that  _ fixed. _ ” She was really going out on a limb with this one, but Peridot was in her element now. This was the argument she had had with herself thousands of times, staring in the mirror at an angry, broken girl who didn’t want to admit that she was trying to please people who didn’t care. These words, unlike her confession from last night, flowed easily out and lay parallel on the table in between them. 

“Peridot, I don’t want to talk about this right now — ”

“And you didn’t want to talk about it last night,” Peridot countered. She was careful to sound affirming without inviting aggression. “The kiss was transparent, Amethyst; I’m actually wondering if you meant anything by it other than an escape route. But as much as I like you for your company and your appearance, I came to you originally to help, and I feel as if you pushed away the help offered to more important relationships in order to pursue trivial ones.”

“I don’t even know what trivial means,” Amethyst said stoutly. Peridot clasped her hands around her gingerbread latte. 

“Trivial is you and me. Important is you and Pearl and Garnet and Steven. Pardon my bluntness, but you have done a damn good job of focusing on things that are trivial.”

“And what am I supposed to focus on? How much everyone _ hates _ me?” 

“The fact that Pearl does not hate you, and that the members of your family are respectively tearing themselves apart because you refuse to forgive her. I’ve seen the way she looks at you, Amethyst, and she doesn’t know how to say what I am about to. You’re being selfish.”

Perhaps she had taken one step too far, because at this, Amethyst’s head shot up and she practically spat the next words. “About what?”

“About a birth mother who you need to forget,” Peridot responded. 

The other girl looked significantly surprised at this, not to mention a bit angry, but she seemed to realize she was in a public place and sat back. That was the true beauty of this location. “What do  _ you _ know about my birth mother?” 

“Nothing at the moment. Amethyst, this is why I asked you to come here, so that you could talk to me. If there’s no secrets between lovers, you’ll tell me what’s wrong. I can help you. I  _ want _ to help you, Amethyst, probably even more than I want to be in love with you, because I can’t just watch you bottle it up and try to deal with it alone.”

Amethyst didn’t say anything, only crumpled a napkin up in her fingers. 

“That’s what I meant last night,” Peridot added, less forceful now. “It’s a symbiotic relationship, synonyms even, and I simply had them unified in my head and I admitted the more incriminating of the two. When you love someone you don’t want them to hurt themselves. When you don’t want someone to hurt themselves, you need to love them.”

“But there are different kinds of love.”

“Irrelevant. You asked last night to talk about me, and now I wish to talk about you. Tell me what’s going on, and don’t you dare circumvent it again.”

The request hung heavy in the air, kept aloft by the ambience of the bookstore. No one sat nearby and even if their voices had been loud enough to carry over the hums from the café, all witnesses were immersed in their reading materials. Peridot waited patiently as Amethyst took all of this in, waged a silent war with herself, and then rested her elbows on the table. 

“Things just weren’t going right, ‘sall,” she began with a sigh. “Monday night I just got home late from wrestling and work and Pearl was waiting in the office. Then she started getting super pissy because I flunked my math test or something. I don’t really remember. She was just being so unfair and said Rose would be so disappointed in me, so I told her that if she was so burdened by me, then I’d just leave.”

“May I ask a question?”

“I guess.”

“You’ve mentioned a certain ‘Rose’ various times.”

“Steven’s mom.” Amethyst’s purple eyeshadow shimmered as she glanced down at her hands. “She inherited the mansion from her dead family and convinced Pearl and Garnet to adopt me, even though she didn’t really have the money anymore. But she died when Steven was born, so I barely remember her, but she was...hard to forget, I guess. Pearl always compares me to her because  _ she  _ took me in but like — I know she’d never tell me I wasn’t good enough like the others do, so when Pearl said that and Rose wasn’t there to stop her, I decided that it wasn’t right for me to stay anymore. So I found my birth certificate and looked up my birth mom and just planned a trip home. And that’s it.”

“Was it?”

“Was what?”

“Was it all? Did you find her?”

Amethyst hesitated, and in that time swirled the rest of her hot cocoa around her cup. Her pink nail polish was unchipped but clearly smudged on the index finger of her left hand, suggesting that she had done them rapidly and fairly recently. “Not really.”

Peridot waited.

“I looked her up by her name,” Amethyst explained reluctantly. “Izarra Patria Espina. It’s not real common and I couldn’t find her, but I found her family and that she lived in Chicago, and from there I guess I just went and asked around. When we got to the place — I guess she’s my grandma, but she told me that my mom wasn’t permitted to live with them anymore and told me where she lived, so we went there instead…”

Her voice trailed slightly off and then stopped altogether, lost as the girl pressed her palm into the side of her face and blinked furiously. Apparently the choice of a public setting had some cons.

“We can go somewhere else,” Peridot offered and Amethyst nodded too fast. Carefully, she circled around, helped her partner to her feet, and asked the barista to watch their things before leading her away. 

Thankfully the girls’ restroom was vacant, so Peridot steered Amethyst inside and locked the main door. She’d always thought locks on multi-stall bathrooms were redundant, a waste of a good lock, and could easily be used maliciously, but sometimes she supposed there was a time to be inconsiderate. Taking into account that it was early in the morning and bookstore bathrooms are generally very clean regardless of time of day, Peridot sat cross-legged next to Amethyst. 

Even before Peridot could think of what to say, Amethyst spat the words onto the floor. “It was  _ disgusting _ ,” she bit her lip. “You know what my mom does for a living? She’s a  _ whore,  _ that’s what she does. I asked her and she’s just twice my age. And we got there, me and Steven, and she was throwing stuff at her —  _ whatever he was,  _ and they only stopped when they saw us, and when I told her that I was her daughter she didn’t even  _ care.  _ You know what she actually said — ‘ _ good for you, bitch, now leave me alone’.  _ I’m nothing to her. I was a  _ mistake.  _ I thought — I thought she’d be happy to see me and I could make her proud but — she just  _ threw me away. _ ”

By now her voice wobbled between a sob and a scream and tears shone in her dark eyes. Frustrated, she pulled her legs into her chest and buried her head there, the weight of the confession off her back but still in the back of her mind, and Peridot didn’t know what to say because she didn’t feel as if she  _ should  _ say anything. Amethyst responded to touch and time with others, neither of which Peridot was fluent in and one of which was being done right now with no positive results. Finally, she resorted to the other, slid to Amethyst’s side, and wrapped her arms around her. The response embrace was immediate.

“I hate her,” Amethyst murmured and buried her face in Peridot’s green sweater. “I wish I had never gone to see her.”

“I know,” Peridot tried and hesitantly pressed a kiss to Amethyst’s forehead.

For a while they just sat and held each other, and then Peridot asked:

“Do you know why I never talk about my birth family?”

The other girl sniffled. “Why?”

“Because they’re not worth it,” said Peridot. “You might have heard me reference ‘Family Zero’. That is them and I will not call them any any other name when possible. I was taken from them because of severe neglect and I’ve never seen them since — because they have failed to improve their situation for myself and my siblings, we can no longer trust them — and in my case, I have refused to return. And you know what?”

“What?”

“Since I’ve come to that realization, I’ve concluded that it also functions in reverse. When I cease to acknowledge Family Zero as a driving force in my life, I don’t need to waste energy on them.”

Amethyst pulled away. “So you’re saying…”

“Forget about Izarra.” She’d butchered the Spanish name but didn’t care. “That clod isn’t worth your time. Don’t compare her to your family, don’t even use her as a factor in the equation. She isn’t worth shit.”

Silently begging for a positive response, Peridot leaned forward and punctuated her message with a kiss. Amethyst’s lips moved into a smile as she retreated from it. “I like how you say ‘clod’.”

“She  _ is  _ a clod,” Peridot sniffed. “It’s time you move on from her.”

The smile faded. Peridot took Amethyst’s hands between hers — she had recently used moisturizer, probably in the car.

“What do you feel is your problem? Why don’t you want to forgive Pearl?”

“She never listens.” Amethyst wasn’t at all hesitant to talk about others’ flaws. Still, her opinions were still very valid. “She wants me to make money for the house, but when I spend time to do that, she yells at me for being irresponsible. And like, she always tells me it’s okay to be yourself! But when I AM, she’s just embarrassed by me. Basically she’s a fucking hypocrite.”

“Is that all?”

She shifted her legs around into a more comfortable position. “Probably not.”

Peridot waited and used the time to compose her response, and then nodded in what she hoped came across as understanding. “Whenever I change families,” she explained, “I always go in with a fresh mind, expecting the worst, but ready to accept it. I tell myself that my first response is to take what they have to say seriously, to be patient with them, and to forgive them to the best of my ability. As tactless as I may seem I  _ have  _ developed a sense of how to negotiate with adults.”

“But you literally just said to forget everything and not care.”

“No, I didn’t. I said to forget things that you have passed and accept the things you are stuck with. I have left Family Zero and I’m never going back, so I don’t need to think about them. I’m with the Yellowtails now. And they’re not perfect, I’ve accepted that full well and I might think at certain times that a verdict is unfair, but they’re all I have now. They have dug up thousands of dollars just to give me food and bed, and if I believe I am being treated unfairly, if there’s nothing I can do about it, I still endure. They’re human. They make mistakes, they have a difficult time seeing from other perspectives too, and the only way you can make these perspectives clear for them is if you sit down and speak patiently and explain _quietly_ that you feel something was not right.”

“You can’t just  _ sit down  _ and talk to Pearl,” Amethyst mumbled. “She doesn’t listen.”

“She would if you spoke to her in a way she understands,” replied Peridot. “If you’re insinuating that she is not an appropriate caretaker — ”

“She  _ isn’t.  _ She’s manipulative and changes her standards, like, every five minutes, and — ”

“And though she might not be the perfect parent, no one ever is. I can see it — if you just give her the chance and tell her how you feel, she is willing to change. Perhaps it won’t be suddenly. She may ask you to keep her accountable. But Pearl is not the kind of person to continue blaming you for any of this.”

“How do you know she isn’t?”

“If she was, then I would have begun today with very different advice. But there is nothing about this situation that is out of your control.”

“That’s what Garnet said.”

“Well, Garnet’s correct. I understand that there is a double standard — adults treat us like children and expect us to act like adults. But you will never break from it if you fight it like a child. You need to take initiative.”

For once, Amethyst didn’t have an immediate response. Her fingers shifted n Peridot’s hands until they left, then drifted up to her face instead, tracing imaginary lines across her prominent cheekbones and straight, boyish jaw. The sensation was as breathtaking as before and Peridot let her continue, but kept her guard up. She didn’t want to lose herself in sensual pleasures and then forget about why she was here; no, that wouldn’t do. 

“I like this,” Amethyst finally murmured. “It just feels...weird.”

“The touching?”

She shrugged. “I don’t know. Just being with you maybe. Like, I want more, but it feels like it’s in the wrong place.”

“Occasionally if you leave an older exchange unresolved, the initiation of a new one has that effect.”

“You are adamant about getting me to forgive Pearl,” Amethyst smirked. The smirk was cute but frankly, Peridot was more impressed by _adamant._

“You studied your vocabulary cards like I instructed.”

She ran her callused but gentle fingers up Peridot’s cheek and behind her ear. “Heh. Anything for my Peridork.”

“Oh, good. So you’ll talk to her. Ah — I don’t mean that you should do it just for  _ me,”  _ she added hastily, “you need to do this on your own terms because  _ you  _ want to, not because I’m telling you to. You  _ do  _ want to change, right?”

Amethyst hesitated again, hand hovering just so behind Peridot’s head. She blinked, and looked away, and then brushed her own hair out of her eyes sheepishly. “I don’t know” was all she said at first, and then nodded and gave a wet laugh. “Yeah, this is no fun. I hope this isn’t weird, but I kinda like talking at the dinner table. The brooding teenager thing gets old after a while.”

“Heh...yeah.” She knew the feeling. Amethyst dropped her hand and Peridot was going to ask for her to continue caressing her face again, but there was something deeper in simply sitting in melancholy unity. Less tangible, yet more substantial. Amethyst lifted her head. 

“I do. I want things to be okay again.”

“That’s a start.”

“Yeah.” There were some things that Amethyst said just to fill up a silence and this was one of them, floating in the space between them. Neither the awkwardness of the word nor the space lasted long, though, because when they stood up, Amethyst stepped forward and again nestled her head on Peridot’s shoulder. “Thanks, Peridot.”

Peridot didn’t know what to say — it was as simple as they could make it, yet complex enough that even now she still wondered if she had guided Amethyst right, and there was something about two kids who have spilled their hearts to each other that didn’t need a speech to express. Something about how Amethyst’s breath had evened and slowed as if she were asleep again, about the care as she pulled Peridot closer to her, but only when Peridot had relaxed.

So she returned the warm embrace.

.

It was seven o’clock at night by the time Peridot got a notification on her phone.

She had been helping Vidalia clean up from dinner at the time but her foster mother let her go with a wink — sensing that bond again probably with her supernatural mother powers. It wasn’t from Amethyst; rather, Steven. There was a photo attached.

The phone took a breathless two seconds to load the photo, but when it did, Peridot took a breath in. The scene had been captured from the kitchen looking in on the living room, where two figures sat on the couch in the gentle light of a single upright lamp. Amethyst, in the same clothes that she had been wearing earlier that day and proving the authenticity of the photo — and Pearl next to her, one hand on Amethyst’s arm, looking calmly and sincerely on as Amethyst spoke to her. No yelling, just speaking, each relaxed and open.

Another message chimed on Peridot’s phone, a text also from Steven’s number, reading simply:

_ Fixed. -- G _

And Peridot smiled. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...And that concludes Act I of How to Fit Your Heart in a Petri Dish. These chapters just got progressively longer, didn't they?
> 
> Shoutout to boomer4ever on FFN for coming up with the date idea. Everyone else, your ideas will be taken into consideration for future chapters, trust me, I need them. ;)
> 
> In the meanwhile, I'd like to make an announcement that my Wattpad and Tumblr readers will already know:
> 
> **Starting with this chapter, I will not be updating this fic until May 6, keeping with my Friday updates.**
> 
> Quite a few reasons for this:  
> (1) I'm going into the last quarter of my sophomore year and am really struggling to get all my grades up again,  
> (2) I am getting my permit and will be out of the house more often to log my 50 hours,  
> (3) I want to dedicate more time to martial arts because I aim to test for my third degree black belt by next year,  
> (4) I would like to participate in the April Drawing Challenge,  
> (5) I want to work out some other fanfictions that I have been sadly ignoring for a very long time,  
> and (6) I REALLY need to start planning the next act of this fic and some of that may hinge on information revealed in the return of SU — which I predict will be this April, perhaps the week of the 11th. 
> 
> All in all I think my plate is pretty full (I was debating saying that my petri dish is pretty full for a pun but that turned out sounding weird) so I hope you guys have been sated by the conclusion of this first arc. If you're really starving for more, feel free to check out some of my other works or message me on my Tumblr (in the work notes below) and I can give some fic recs, answer questions, draw requests, or even just talk about random stuff if you want!! Progress updates as always will be in "#petri dish" on the same blog. 
> 
> Thanks for your patience guys, and thank you SO MUCH for reading! I'm very glad that so many people have joined me on this little journey and I can't wait to share with you everything else I have in store.
> 
> Have an awesome, awesome day! :)


	12. Stolen Dance (Act II)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ACT II.
> 
> \- Stolen Dance — Milky Chance -
> 
> "I hope they didn't get your mind,  
> Your heart is too strong anyway  
> We need to fetch back the time  
> They have stolen from us"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ****CONTENT WARNINGS****: Mentions of underage drinking and references to abuse/noncon, but only in the last 1/4th of the chapter, right after Amethyst pulls Peridot into the bowling alley bathroom.
> 
> (Also a...lot...of swearing. Nothing y’all haven’t heard yet but I’m a relatively clean writer normally so it’s kinda rough.)
> 
> Otherwise, this is all fluff.

As soon as possible on the Monday morning before first hour, Amethyst tracked down Peridot and pulled her under a stairwell.

Okay, maybe “tracked down” was an exaggeration. Really, Amethyst had been walking to English when she saw a certain skinny kid striding down Teal Hallway with her books in hand; so coincidence more than tracking. An opportunity that she wasn’t about to let up. Struggling to keep down a smile, Amethyst changed course, trotted up behind her new girlfriend, and took her by the arm.

“Stars, Amethyst, you could at least say  _ hello _ ,” she spluttered as indignantly as ever, and now Amethyst didn’t suppress her grin. Some things never changed. 

“You got a second?” Surprising people was nice, inconveniencing them wasn’t. Amethyst understood that.

“Er, five to ten minutes perhaps, but you know how Coach Jasper is about latecomers — ”

“Coach Jasper can stick her head in a treadmill,” responded Amethyst as she pulled Peridot under the stairwell, collected her school stuff in a single sweep, and set them on the floor. “This is the lovers’ cave, Pierogi. There’s normally some straight couple hogging it. Enjoy it while you can.”

Peridot, as cute and oblivious as she could be sometimes, got the gist of this awfully fast. Unfrequented stairwell, hidden alcove, Amethyst. A hesitant smile plucked up into a devilishly eager one as she ran one hand through the top tuft of her bleached hair — god, she didn’t know it, but Peridot was damn good at nonverbal flirting. If it wasn’t for the argyle turtleneck, you’d think she was even  _ experienced. _ A last invitation slid across to Amethyst as Peridot leaned against the wall. 

Later, Peridot would tell her that she counted each of their kisses, and that this was their lucky seventh — even though there had to be more than five in just those five minutes, it was apparently the event that counted and not an actual count of contact. It didn’t matter either way to Amethyst. All she knew was that Peridot slipped her hand over the vulnerable small of her back and Peridot was hers again, open and responsive and so very  _ alive  _ as Amethyst pulled them together. Peridot had just used bland chapstick but Amethyst tasted it anyway as it met her strawberry glitter gloss, especially when she cracked open her mouth for a fancier variation of the kiss.

“You ever — ” she was going to ask if Peridot had ever gotten her face eaten, then decided to change her wording, and then remembered that she was Peridot’s first.

“What?” Peridot frowned. Amethyst ran her thumb under the rim of her glasses, admiring those faint freckles around her nose and cheeks. She also had a couple zits, too, but everyone had those at their age. Now that Amethyst thought about it, she actually didn’t mind the chaste, closed-lip kisses that made up the physical part of their relationship; they were refreshing, almost deeper, more meaningful.

“Maybe I’ll teach you another day. I kinda like this for now.”

“Teach me?” It really was cute how fast Peridot perked up at the mention of education. Amethyst chuckled. 

“About French kissing, nerd. Other types too if you’re ready.”

If it was possible for Peridot’s cheeks to turn any more flushed, they did. “ _ Oh. _ ”

“If you don’t want, we don’t have to,” Amethyst reminded her.

“That isn’t the correct — gah, I didn’t mean  _ oh, NO.  _ I was saying it in surprise, as in,  _ oh,  _ I’d like to, but I didn’t expect you to mention it. And also...I already know how.”

“Really,” Amethyst drew her hands onto Peridot’s shoulders, unconvinced. Her girlfriend’s gloat only grew more cocky.

“Well, of  _ course,”  _ she continued with a satisfied smirk, “after our affirmation as a couple of undefined status, the only logical course of action was to analyze what’s necessary for such a union! I narrowed my research down to kissing, since it seems to be the middleground between romantic and sexual attraction for you and I respectively. As a result, I’ve concluded that you may appreciate any number of the sixteen kinds of kisses I have practiced with my left hand.”

Amethyst burst out laughing, then checked herself and stifled it. The lovers’ cave had a dangerous little sweet spot sometime between 8:05 and 8:10 when there were people using the stairwell, but not so many that the lovers would be drowned out. It was getting close to that time. Morning slots really weren’t the best ones; during lunch was the best. Already she heard the telltale  _ clack, clack  _ of a teacher’s shoes on tile as she neared the stairwell and Amethyst put her hand over Peridot’s mouth.

The teacher didn’t stop, only continued down the stairs over their heads and then she was gone. “You were saying,” Amethyst murmured saucily, removing her hand from Peridot’s face and replacing it with her mouth. “Sixteen, though. Damn.”

“I bet I’ve got some that even you’ve never heard of,” Peridot again gave that devilish grin and pushed into the kiss, parting her lips and then, surprisingly, nipping at Amethyst’s lower lip. It didn’t hurt, just was a little surprising, and Amethyst found herself grinning. 

“A’ight...impress me, dork.”

They stayed under the stairs for about five minutes more, not making out the entire time, mostly just conversing in whispers until other students and teachers began using the stairwell with more frequency. That was when Peridot drew the line and they pulled apart, and Amethyst showed her the proper way to slip out of the lovers’ cave and join the throngs without being too obvious. “How do you know all this, anyway?” Peridot inquired with narrowed eyes as they walked to their classes. Amethyst passed her a smirk, then shrugged.

“I thought I mentioned it, but I’ve had flings before. You’re not  _ jealous,  _ are you?”

“What? No.”

“You’re the worst liar, Peri.” They passed Mrs. Lazuli just then, who was standing outside her classroom and greeting students like she sometimes did, and who raised her eyebrows when she saw the two girls walking side-by-side. Amethyst ignored her. “But you don’t have to worry about them. They weren’t worth it. I wouldn’t be taking Diamond’s class for the second time if I hadn’t gotten involved with ‘em.”

“But in extension, you would have never met  _ me… _ in that case, thank you Amethyst’s old partners!”

“Hey, I probably would’a met you at Vidalia’s at some point — ”

“Irrelevant,” Peridot snapped, and gave her a quick side-hug before dashing into the locker room. “See you in bio!”

Amethyst stared after her in amusement, hand half-raised in a wave, before smiling and leaving for English. 

This  _ was  _ nice.

.

The lovers’ cave became a frequented spot over the next few days, even as risky as it was, but Amethyst preferred the subterfuge of the alcove. They’d gotten walked in on just once (by Jade and Obsidian from bio, already locked at the lips before they realized they weren’t the first to claim the spot) but the pure, hormone-addled thrill of it all rivaled even the midnight meetups of Romeo and Juliet. It made their Tuesday and Thursday nights seem all the more sweet, when for once Peridot was the one to push aside their end-of-unit cumulative report and fall into Amethyst’s arms. 

On that Thursday night, not long after putting the final touches on the project, they relaxed on Amethyst’s bed with Peridot curled close around Amethyst from behind. They’d turned the lights down because Amethyst wanted to rest her eyes, so for a while they just cuddled under the purple Christmas lights and half-listened to the music playing over Amethyst’s phone. 

A minute ago, when her head had been turned, Peridot had begun a line of kisses at her ear and pulled her hair aside to kiss the nape of her neck. “No hickeys, I don’t like turtlenecks as much as you,” Amethyst reminded her with a smirk. Peridot’s kisses were short, tight, and precise but bled into longer ones with time, and Amethyst bruised easily around her neck and face. 

Her girlfriend just gave a short hum and pressed a gentler kiss where her neck met her bare shoulder. Amethyst noted how Peridot’s fingers tugged at her loose sweater, as if asking for more of her to be uncovered, and in response placed her hands over Peridot’s. It had been an instinctual movement, apparently, because Peridot stiffened up.

“I didn’t mean it, I’m sorry. It’s too early, and you...you know,” the younger girl murmured, clearly embarrassed. Amethyst squeezed her hand. 

“I forgive you. And if I ever change my mind about sex, you’ll be the first to know.”

They sat like that for a few seconds more, Peridot thinking about who knew what, Amethyst listening to the lyrics of the music.  _ And I want you, we can bring it on the floor; we’ve never danced like this before, we don’t talk about it.  _ Peridot let out a long breath, not quite a sigh, and kissed Amethyst’s cheek when she turned. She just then remembered that it was nearly Thanksgiving break. 

“You free tomorrow night?” Amethyst asked. Peridot frowned.

“Normally yes, but Yellowtail’s back and we were all going bowling. And then I was going to drive separately with Vidalia; I need two more night hours if I wish to get my permit by my birthday.”

Peridot had gotten her learner’s permit almost a year ago, but she hadn’t had the opportunity to drive often when changing host families over the summer. Amethyst had only seen her drive once, when Vidalia had swung by after a tutoring session and let her take the wheel home. “Could I tag along? Like, if you don’t mind.”

“It shouldn’t be a problem, but I thought you were grounded?”

“Meh, I could ask Pearl and Garnet if they wanna come too. I can go places with them.”

“I suppose, then.”

“A’ight, perf. We’ve got the rest of break to be alone anyway.”

So it was settled and the next day after school, the Yellowtail family van swung by Rosewood Court and joined Garnet’s van — Garnet gave Peridot a thumbs up at a stoplight, but Peridot was too focused on the road to respond to the car next to her. She, Amethyst remarked to herself, was probably the most serious, technically correct driver she had ever seen, despite still being in the permit stage. 

They arrived at the bowling alley with no driving errors and fifteen more minutes under Peridot’s belt. Peridot still wasn’t comfortable with PDA, but she did slip her small gloved hands through the crook of Amethyst’s arm, and if that wasn’t unobtrusively gayer than hand-holding then Amethyst wasn’t sure what was. In the neon and blacklight of the bowling alley, Peridot’s green t-shirt over the white long sleeves showed up as an offensive teal-on-purple that Amethyst actually thought looked really good on her — in general, Peridot looked nice in strange lighting schemes. She made a mental note to ask Vidalia more about color theory. Wouldn’t  _ that  _ be cliché, painting a portrait of your girlfriend...

The group only made it three steps past the front door before Steven, true to his ADHD self, got distracted by the little arcade at the front of the building. “Ooh, I’ve got quarters! Peedee was telling me about this lion toy that he thought would match — oh my gosh there it is!”

Before Amethyst could turn around he shot off, and next she saw of him, he was plastered against the clear plastic of a claw-grabby-arcade-machine things. The lion toy, pink and plush and rather cheap-looking if she was honest, crowned the pile of inferior stuffed animals but was tilted in the corner where the claw was not likely to reach it. “That looks like our Lion,” Amethyst remarked with a smirk. “Whaddya say, little man? You gonna try for it?”

“I can do this!” Steven stepped back and flexed his arms, then started digging in his pockets for change. Pearl chuckled and patted Amethyst’s shoulder.

“Can you girls watch him for a sec? We can go rent our lanes.”

When Pearl, Garnet, and the Yellowtails left, the two girls went after Steven, who’d already used one of his quarters. Peridot glanced at Amethyst and inquired, “ _ Our  _ lion?”

“Our cat. He’s a loner, but you’ll meet him someday. He’s kinda hard to miss once he does show up,” she shrugged. Something had caught her eye — namely, a row of those little quarter vending machines with plastic capsules in it. One had a bunch of those Guys figurines that Steven had collected a year or so back, but Amethyst had focused on the second one — advertising plastic necklaces of twelve different colors, apparently, according to the birthstones for each month. 

At the claw machine, Steven let out a disappointed “Awww” and dug around in his pocket again. “I’ve got one more quarter,” he whispered reverently, then glanced to Amethyst with a sweet grin. “Unless...Amethyst...you wouldn’t happen to…”

_ Have more quarters, perchance? _ Steven was so bad with his money, he’d earn it in allowance but spend half of it on gum or useless trinkets from Wal-Mart and then put the other half in the pet store’s charity jar. Amethyst rolled her eyes. “I’ve got three, but no chance, bro. I’m getting something for Peri.”

“Huh?” Peridot said. She’d been distracted by one of those jet-ski games.

“What’s your birthstone? You’re in February, right?”

“Er...yes…”

Amethyst checked the advertisement on the machine quickly and then beamed. “Hey, would’ja look at that. Your birthstone’s  _ amethyst. _ And I’m August, so I’m peridot.”

Peridot’s cheeks were a deep red, but she chuckled so Amethyst knew it was alright. Steven gasped. “Oh my gosh that’s so cool…It’s like you really were meant for each other!”

It really was charming how excited he got about love — he got it from his mom, Amethyst thought. Obviously she couldn’t remember firsthand but she did know the stories, how Rose had eloped from her prestigious rich family with Greg Universe, waited for them to die off, and came back to claim her manor and give it up as a home for her friends Ruby and Sapphire, their illegitimate daughter Garnet, Rose’s mother’s ex-servant Pearl, and Amethyst. It was the type of story that belonged in a fairytale. And this was what had come out of it — Amethyst glanced down at the bright-eyed boy in front of her, the closest thing she had to real family; and to the freckled bespectacled girl on her arm who would continue to surprise her for the rest of their relationship. This was the posterity, the romance of Rose Quartz. 

Amethyst smiled as she thought that it couldn’t get any better. And if it did, she was ready.

“Maybe we  _ were,”  _ she grinned and, despite the public setting, leaned over and pressed a playful kiss to Peridot’s cheek. She’d made sure no one was watching first, but Peridot still gave a small shriek and hit her playfully on the arm. 

“It’s a coincidence _ ,  _ Amethyst. They happen all the time.” She was still flushed in the neon lights, and she  _ did  _ seem curious as Amethyst dug out three quarters. 

“Well, I ain’t arguing.”

Steven gave her puppy eyes as he saw the quarters but Amethyst just laughed.

“Haven’t changed my mind. Don’t worry, I’ll get one for you too.”

At that, though, Steven visibly deflated. “That’s okay. I’ll just...try really, really hard on this one...if I just stretch far enough…perhaps I can reach the light...”

He was exaggerating, Amethyst knew, because Steven was a drama queen, but she couldn’t help but feel a little bad. Something else caught her eye — a massively tall woman reclining at a table, sipping Coke and talking to a dark-skinned woman in a black tank top. The woman was a regular to this alley, always wearing the same green bowling league shirt, scoring over 280’s every time, and accompanied by that skinny Tahitian chick. They were also regulars to the bakery (the bowler would always get coffee and a gluten-free chocolate donut; her girl would pick up a roll of cinnamon bread and a mini apple turnover). And Amethyst knew them both well enough that as she broke away from Peridot and called across the distance, she had already begun planning her sweet victories.

“Hey, Aventurine! Poemä!” Amethyst waved to get the two women’s attentions. “I’ve got a gamble for ya!”

Both women looked up and the bowler, Aventurine, got up. The skinny girl, Poemä, trotted to catch up with Aventurine and then half-hung off her arm, much the same as Peridot had been doing with Amethyst. “Hello, Amethyst. And to you, Steven,” Aventurine gave a casual, two fingered salute to them. Steven’s eyes lit up.

“Giant woman!”

Peridot murmured something about being rude, but Aventurine just raised one eyebrow, said something quick in another language to Poemä, and nodded towards the claw machine.

“Is that your problem?”

“Part of it,” Amethyst explained, smiling at the confusion practically radiating from her girlfriend. “Steven wants to get the pink lion, and I want a necklace for myself, Steven, and Peridot from that quarter-thingy. I think that Steven will get the lion and that the quarter-thingy will give each of us our birthstones. My birthstone’s peridot, Peridot is, haha, get this,  _ amethyst _ ; and Steven has opal, but the machine’s only got pink tourmaline for October.”

“That’s statistically improbable,” Peridot cut in cynically, “and the claw is rigged.”

“It’s improbable if you’re  _ unlucky. _ ” Aventurine snapped her fingers. “Peridot — that  _ is  _ your name?”

“Er...yes.”

“Peridot, I bet you ten dollars that the machine will give us an amethyst, peridot, and tourmaline necklace, in any order, and that we will get the lion with Steven’s last quarter.”

Aventurine dug out a thick wallet and held out a folded ten dollar bill. Amethyst could practically hear the  _ cha-CHING  _ go off in Peridot’s ears as the fifteen-year-old grinned and stuck out her hand. “Deal.”

They shook hands, the ten-dollar bill pressed between their palms.

Afterwards, Aventurine gave the bill to Poemä, who was texting at lightning speed and pinched the bill between the phone and her fingers. Peridot was rambling about math. “The probability of achieving just the three favored necklaces is approximately one thousand seven hundred twenty eight to one, or about 0.00058% probability! Of course, that’s an estimate and under the false assumption that each draw is an independent event and that there are equal amounts of every gem type in the machine, but even still, the percent probability would have to be under 0.001% chance. And don’t even get me  _ started _ on the obstacles against getting that lion, the construction of the claw and the angle of the toy won’t allow for any grip to be established — ”

“Okay,” Aventurine just responded, and kneeled in front of the quarter-necklace machine. Even like this she was almost taller than the three kids. “Amethyst, quarter.”

Amethyst flipped her the coin and glanced to Peridot, who stood beside Poemä and was looking on in haughty curiosity. The little nerd and her statistics had nothing on Aventurine, never mind what she might think. Although, despite her arrogant facade, Peridot’s eyes were narrowed in what Amethyst clearly identified as worry and she seemed to be watching Aventurine’s hands awfully carefully, as if scanning for foul play. _Heh, I almost pity her. Maybe I’ll loan her ten dollars after she loses the bet._

Stretching her muscled arms above her head, Aventurine remarked something about warming up before trying for the lion, and smoothly deposited a quarter into the necklace machine. “This is a simple chance,” she remarked to the onlookers as she turned the knob and collected the capsule that rolled out. The cap was blue, but that didn’t mean anything because they all were, but when Steven cracked it open he went starry-eyed.

“Pink!” he gasped, dangling the small plastic jewel from its string. “It worked!”

“It only gets tougher,” Aventurine pushed her thick hair behind her shoulder and accepted Amethyst’s second quarter. Meanwhile, Peridot snorted.

“No kidding. That was a mere one in twelve chance. To fulfill two favorable outcomes in a row is approximately one in one hundred forty four.”

“Some people put too much faith in numbers,” murmured Poemä in a thickly accented but clear voice, and without looking up from her phone.

“Who ordered the amethyst necklace?” called Aventurine and tossed the capsule to a speechless Peridot.

“Case in point,” said Poemä.

There was one quarter left, and Aventurine rolled it over her knuckles and pressed a kiss to the head before depositing it in the machine. Now, although Amethyst had seen Aventurine bet on things before, she had to admit that she was a bit nervous. If Aventurine didn’t win this plus the lion, Peridot would never let Amethyst live it down. Then again, Amethyst knew Peridot — she didn’t have ten dollars to spare and she wouldn’t accept charity. The kid was too damn stubborn. 

But she still felt a little guilty, even as Aventurine uncapped the last prize and presented a green plastic crystal on a black string to Amethyst. She played along, though, because Steven was practically vibrating with excitement and she didn’t want to let him down. 

“I can’t believe you just did that!” her little brother squealed. “Are you gonna get Lion next? How? Like I tried three times and I couldn’t even get the claw to touch him.”

“That’s the worst,” Aventurine nodded, and turned to the claw machine. “Well, there’s one very simple solution, although you might have to watch if an employee is around — ”

“What?” said Steven, Amethyst, and Peridot simultaneously. For the second time, apparently less for show, Aventurine stretched the muscular body that had motivated Amethyst to start wrestling — and put her hands on both sides of the claw machine like she was giving it a hug, adjusted her feet into a linebacker’s stance, and lifted the machine. 

With the three kids gaping in shock, Aventurine shook the thing until the pink lion toy bounced into the middle of the heap, and then she put it back down. 

“Holy smokes,” said Peridot. 

“It’s all yours, little man,” Aventurine waved towards the claw machine as Steven’s eyes lit up with stars. “My lucky touch sticks to things so you should have no problem.”

“Can you kiss my quarter just in case?” asked Steven. Aventurine obliged. 

A minute later, the boy hugged a pink plushie to his chest. Peridot was red in the face and even as Amethyst circled behind her, tied the necklace, and pecked her discreetly on the nape of her neck, the nerd continued stammering about improbability and statistics. 

“I know that voice. You just don’t have money,” cut in Poemä and handed the ten dollar bill back to her partner. Peridot spluttered for just a little longer before deflating. 

“I — there’s such a small chance that she — the bet was…no. I’m sorry. I don’t.”

“No, that’s fine,” chuckled Aventurine, holding her hands up. “You don’t owe me a cent. I’m an old geezer with too much money, anyway. I’ll tell you what — you can have this, but you have to buy something for my Amethyst, you hear? Us Quartzes, we look after each other, and I’ll be damned if you’re not treating my sister right.”

To both Amethyst’s and Peridot’s surprise, Aventurine pressed the folded bill into Peridot’s hand and patted the girl on the shoulder. “Don’t try to explain it,” she said simply, “it was a coincidence. They happen all the time.”

The tall bowler then took Poemä by the smaller woman’s willing hand, nodded a farewell, and left the arcade.

“She’s so lucky,” marveled Steven, hugging his toy.

“That’s insane,” agreed Peridot.

“I like chili dogs,” hinted Amethyst.

Not long later — after beating Peridot mercilessly in a round of bowling — Amethyst sat at their table with her girlfriend and a really good chili dog. “Wanna bite?” Amethyst held out the dog, accidentally dripping some on the table, but whatever. That’s what napkins were for. Peridot eyed her over her Pepsi, scrunching up her adorable little nose.

“I’ll pass. I think I’ve had my share of saturated fat for the year.” (Though that hadn’t been a problem when encountered with the pizza, which was now nothing but crumbs on a plate in front of Peridot.)

“Awesome! More for me.”

They sat in companionable silence. Or, at least, relative silence that excluded the blaring 2000’s music, the crash of balls against pins, and the joyous shouts as Steven somehow won against Garnet and Pearl. Then Peridot set down her cup.

“Amethyst?”

“Mmm?”

“Aventurine mentioned ‘us Quartzes’. Does that have some type of significance?”

Ah, right. The Quartz group that she’d almost kicked herself from with her own stupidity. “It’s a motorcycle group,” she swallowed her bite of chili dog, “most of ‘em are lesbians. You don’t see them on their bikes a lot now, but come spring they’re everywhere. Right now it’s Aventurine, Carnelian, Citrine, Rutilate, Coach Jasper, the other Jasper from Sokovia, Praisolite, Chrysoprase, Onyx, and Agate but I think she moved to Miami to help out her parents. Steven’s mom actually started the group, so that’s why we’re called the Quartzes, and it also means me and Steven are, like, honorary members. Guaranteed spots once we get bikes of our own. I wanted to get my M class license this year and buy a bike to join, but…”

She shrugged off the rest of the sentence but Peridot frowned. “What  _ did  _ you do, anyway? Has your license been suspended?”

“I just hit a wall and knocked out the front light, so the only reason I can’t get a bike is Pearl and Garnet waiting ‘til I’m more responsible. Like with the car first and then they’ll let me apply for my M.”

“Do you suppose…a Peridot could join?”

The younger girl was grinning the grin that made Amethyst think she’d just missed a joke. “Uh, yeah, so long as you get your own bike…”

“Because peridots belong to the nesosilicate group — what, you don’t get it? Rock types?”

Oh...a geology joke. Amethyst laughed, not because she thought the joke was funny, which she guessed she did in a nerdy way, but mostly for Peridot’s sake. “Oh, you’re adorable,” she cackled. Even in the black light glow of the bowling alley, Peridot was noticeably flushed as she giggled in response. 

Amethyst could have stayed there forever, in simple blissful harmony with her...girlfriend? Queerplatonic friend? Gal pal? She wasn’t really sure what to call the two of them, but at the time she felt like she couldn’t care less. She remembered a shouting match, a much too loud  _ So what DO ya want?  _ except now, she knew how to answer.  This was it. This was what she wanted.

And just as she decided that, she noticed something wrong. 

It was right over Peridot’s shoulder, and rather, two somethings. Two someones. They could have easily blended in with the adult crowd past lane 25, especially as they sauntered out the door reading “ _ All persons under age 21 strictly prohibited”  _ except that Amethyst knew them. And she knew that they were  _ not  _ over twenty-one. The apparent leader, a giantess of a girl in torn up clothes and combat boots, was conversing passionately to her sidekick, a shabby redhead with almost as much metal in her face as freckles. They hadn’t passed into Amethyst’s area yet, but the new danger still cut off her laughter with a jolt of fear.

“Peri,” she said breathlessly, “Peridot you need to go to the bathroom with me RIGHT NOW.”

The girl whined as Amethyst pulled her away from the table, but after a second she seemed to recognize that Amethyst wasn’t joking and began to ran with her. Breathless from nerves, they ducked into the girls’ bathroom — thankfully empty. 

“What was that?” Peridot hissed, eyes wide. Despite the sparkly polish, Amethyst found herself chewing her fingernails as she slumped against the wall.

“You remember asking about my exes?”

“Er...yes...but…”

“I saw her, coming out of the bar. Sugilite. She was with — ugh, that one girl. Coach Jasper’s daughter.”

“Malachite?”

“Yeah, her. Listen, you’re a gamer right? You know that Scott Pilgrim movie?”

“I really don’t like where this is going.”

“Yeah? Well, it’s like that, I got this evil ex-girlfriend and we gotta shake her off, or avoid her, or wait ‘til she goes to juvie, or she’ll kill us both. Especially you. And I really, kinda really like you. So — ugh, I don’t know what to do —  _ shit, _ she goes to our  _ school,  _ she might’ve already seen us around, I’m so fucking stupid!”

Amethyst felt herself on the verge of breaking down even though she wanted to everything except that, but she’d only felt this scared in her life twice. The second time had been when met her mom, the first... _ god.  _ It left a bitterness in her mouth that tasted like memories, like that first sip of beer, like Malachite and Cerussite holding Amethyst’s arms as Sugilite reached for the bottom of her shirt, like the utter disgust on Pearl and Garnet’s faces when she’d come back bloody-lipped and bruised. 

And then there was Peridot. Peridot, taking Amethyst’s body in her unsure hands once again, and letting Amethyst cry into her Legend of Zelda shirt. “Look, Amethyst, it’s going to be alright. If we go back to our families, Sugilite can’t touch us. Garnet is a fourth degree black belt, for stars’ sakes, and Aventurine is still here! We — we can go home if you want — oh stars please don’t cry I don’t know if I can do this again…”

For some reason the frantic worry in Peridot’s voice made Amethyst laugh, despite the nervous shaking threatening to break free. “I...I’m not gonna cry, Dot,” she replied, blinking to keep up on the promise. “I just...ahah, it’s been so long, but I’m still…”

Maybe her senses were just hopped up from fear, but her voice failed her as she picked up someone else’s.  _ No.  _ Suddenly ready to cry again, Amethyst took Peridot’s hand a second time, pulled her into the wheelchair stall, and prayed that it would be good enough. Meanwhile Peridot seemed mostly worried and confused, so Amethyst pressed her finger to her lips, steered the other girl in front of the toilet, and squeezed as much behind the toilet against the far wall as she could. If she was lucky, from the other parts of the bathroom, someone glancing underneath the stalls would only see Peridot’s feet in front of the toilet and not her own behind it.  _ Please let this work. _

The voices got louder, and began to echo in the bathroom as they joined the stomp of combat boots on tile. “...the only bitch who ever cards,” came an all-too-familiar voice. Yeah, it was Sugilite, expressive and rich and seductive as a dripping knife, ready to get her way. It was the kind of voice that, according to legend, made boys cry and girls clench their thighs, the kind of voice that made you wanna do whatever she told you. 

A second voice cut in, a raspy hiss that was just a little too sharp regardless of what was said. “Wait. There’s someone in ‘ere,” hissed Malachite, and the stomping feet stopped. A cold weight settled in Amethyst’s gut. She’d cornered herself, Peridot had been right, if only they had stayed with the other then none of this would be happening. Then she felt a hand on hers.

“Ahh, ahaha, it’s just me! Little ol’ Peridot!” her girlfriend squeaked. “I’m sorry for intruding in this way, but I feel ill, and promise to leave whenever I...ah…”

To Amethyst’s mixed surprise and delight, Peridot cut herself off by lifting her hand to her mouth and making the loudest, wettest, most realistic fart noise ever. She couldn’t see Malachite and Sugilite but their audible reactions were gold, too. Malachite snorted, went quiet, and said a grudging “sorry” probably to her friend; Sugilite just grunted. 

“That’s nasty. I gotta fix this shit hair though. Relax, Mala, it’s just that nerdy Asian bitch.”

The stomps came again and ended in front of the silks, the scuffed leather and dirty soles just visible under the stall door.

“But I’m tellin’ ya,” Sugilite’s voice came again, “I saw ‘er with  _ someone.  _ Like some scrawny guy. A blond.”

Malachite cackled — yes, it was a cackle. “Amethyst? With a  _ guy? _ ”

“Mmm hmm.”

“No fuckin’ way. She doesn’t take guys seriously — ”

“Mala, you know any other bitches with purple hair down to their ass?”

Malachite sounded a little less boisterous when she snapped back, “Fuck off, Sugilite.”

The bathroom went silent except for the rustle of enormous hair, then Sugilite said something about grabbing “one more ‘fore shift change”. Amethyst wasn’t really paying attention by then. She felt faint and the only thing keeping her grounded was Peridot’s hand, which she had begun to squeeze tight enough that the poor girl’s pinky finger ground against her thumb. It was impressive that she hadn’t cried out. But Peridot didn’t speak, only waited until Malachite’s and Sugilite’s voices had receded completely, pressed a short and silent kiss to Amethyst’s cheek, and slipped out of the bathroom stall to check before she reported, “They’re gone.”

“Did they go back into the bar?” asked Amethyst, her voice somehow hoarse. Peridot nodded and offered her hand again.

Amethyst let Peridot do the talking and she actually did it quite well, explaining to the adults that Amethyst wasn’t feeling well and wanted to get away from the alley, which was true, and that she probably wanted to talk with Vidalia, which Amethyst affirmed with a fast nod. So Amethyst pulled her hood up and Vidalia and Peridot bundled her out of the bowling alley, through the dark parking lot (she pressed closer to her guardians when she thought of what kind of people could hide behind all these cars) and into the van, safe at last.

“She hasn’t stopped thinking about me,” Amethyst whispered as Peridot turned on the ignition. Vidalia, sitting shotgun according to permit laws, glanced to the backseat and handed her a bottle of water.

“Hey. You’re safe here, I promise. Remember, if we see her, we’re the bigger vehicle.”

Just like Vidalia could, the remark caused a small smile to prick at Amethyst’s lips. Peridot also laughed (the dorky, faintly villainous laugh) as she tossed the aux cord into the backseat and put the van in reverse. “Those dirtbombs don’t even know what’s coming!” she exclaimed, and in spite of herself, Amethyst wiped her tears and laughed in response.

And in the rainy night and yellow lights, they drove away, with just their voices and the song on their minds.

_ I want you by my side, so that I never feel alone again... _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I plan to be back next week so long as Super Watermelon Island and Gem Drill don't kill me first.
> 
> Also!! If anyone can tell me where Aventurine and Poemä are from, you get a gold star. If you can tell me what their relationship is to each other, ten gold stars. (It's really not hard.)  
> But for the record, Aventurine is NOT always lucky — she is literally only lucky with gambles of less than $20. The rest of her life, she's stuck at red lights and losing half her money to skeevy lawyers, which is purposefully ironic because aventurine is supposed to be a stone of luck.
> 
> Tbh, i coulda probably skipped this chapter, but I wanted to give y’all a break before things really go to shit.  
> cuz they will.  
> Really, I'm gonna pour all the fluff into At Harbor. Whenever I decide to update that.


	13. Young Blood

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> \- Young Blood — The Naked and Famous -
> 
> "We're only young and naive still  
> We require certain skills  
> The mood it changes like the wind  
> Hard to control when it begins"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Super slice of life-y except for the last 15% but the filler has foreshadowing and foundation for way way way future plot arcs. also i can't believe i wrote half of this in one night (this night)
> 
> If it’s motivation to read the filler bits, there’s quite a bit of kissing, relationship talk, and comic relief. Just some more break before chapters 14-16.
> 
> WARNINGS: some more references to abuse and homophobia, Amethyst has a brief panic attack.

From a creative narrative, it’s easy to think that the events playing out in Amethyst’s life were the front and center of her thoughts, twenty-four seven. But as most love stories tend to play out behind the scenes, the recorded events were little more than arbitrary points in the very busy timeline of the rest of her life, unrelated to and separate from each other. It’s what made it so hard for Peridot to feel, and for Amethyst to reason. From where they stood there _was_ no relation between events, and if they did see something that aligned, it could be mostly attributed to the fact that Amethyst and Peridot had become practically superglued at the lips, so of _course_ they would see that same thing at the same time. Just a coincidence.

It’s how Amethyst hardly saw it coming when Malachite showed up at her bedroom door.

After the bowling alley mishap, Peridot, Vidalia, and Amethyst drove for an hour around town, simply talking it out and telling jokes when talking didn’t work. By the end of the night Amethyst could hardly remember what she’d been upset about. “It’ll be okay,” Peridot had said, leaning in for a fast kiss before they parted for the night. “I resolve to help you develop a solution before the conclusion of this academic break.”

Amethyst snickered, running one hand through Peridot’s coiff of bleached blond hair. “Have I ever told you how cute you are when you say stuff like that?”

“Yes, you just did, as the seventh recorded account today.”

“Pfft. Nerd.”

With Amethyst leaning out her front door and Peridot standing on the welcome mat in the cold wind, they kissed once and then parted.

School was out and Amethyst fell easily into holiday mode — though she was tired, she stayed up until three that night on Tumblr, occasionally doodling with her faithful Wacom tablet but eventually switching to her sketchbook. Pearl, smelling of gasoline, came up from the garage to check up on her and Amethyst casually lied that she was just about to go to bed, then stayed up four hours longer. She sent out a few memes on Skype, spammed Snapchat with filters on things that were not real faces, laughed on the group chat about a conversation between Peridot and Sour Cream going somewhere along the lines of “hey peridot can u get me some toilet paper _”_ “I have two responses: 1.) Where do we store toilet paper that is not in the think chamber? 2.) I have now figured out why you spend nearly a half hour in there.” “are u saying u DON’T bring your laptop when you poop” “I refuse to answer such an inappropriate inquiry in a public chat!” “so does that mean you do” “I AM GOING TO HACK YOUR COMPUTER”.

So, a normal night. Followed by a normal morning, too. Wakeup at noon and breakfast for lunch, then various unproductive things. Her most recent undertaking was a sketchy _Eli and the Weirdos_ fancomic about Eli, Stirling, Esther, and others as teens when they attended the genius school, and she was currently planning out the part where Esther and Vera kissed and Danny got beheaded. (Okay, maybe the Esthra kiss was a little self-indulgent, _kinda_ based off her relationship with a certain nerd, and founded from subtext that the aforementioned nerd had picked out from the _three_ episodes featuring the genii as kids — but whatever.)

She streamed the comic that afternoon and the next, the first of which had an audience of two of her Tumblr followers, the second of which was attended by the same two followers plus Peridot — who, while she had been busy sketching out kissing scenes, had engaged ILikeToEatGrass69 in a heated debate about Hilary Clinton’s economic policies. The discourse was not resolved until Amethyst ended the stream and Skyped her still-infuriated girlfriend, diverting her attention with Star Wars meta.

After the first few days, spent mostly doing the nothing described above, Amethyst’s Thanksgiving break whizzed by. Sleep, eat, chat with friends, hang out with Peri (just Tuesday and Friday; Yellowtail’s rather...high-maintenance mother and sister were staying for the week and it was risky making out in a room that a poor elderly woman might walk into at any time). And she was able to forget Sugilite. Mostly. As Pearl carved the turkey on Thursday night, Amethyst suddenly remembered, and no amount of food stuffed into her face could push the worries back further.

“We could switch locations,” suggested Peridot on Sunday night before they had to go back. The younger girl had originally video-called her to discuss the biology reading assignment, but obviously they weren’t talking about that anymore. With her dark bedroom and bright laptop screen, her face was a ghostly white and the reflection in her glasses hid her eyes. If she was trying, Amethyst felt that the sophomore could have been even scary, but then again, she _was_ wearing oversized boxer shorts with cartoon aliens printed on them. Amethyst shrugged in response.

“Maybe. Sugilite normally doesn’t even show up at school before the bell rings, but she might if she really wanted to find me. And...she’s got this network, mostly kids who are afraid of her, but some are, like, actual loyalists. So if she wants to keep up on someone, she goes to this network and they tell her everything they see.”

“Do you know the identities of these network members?”

“Some of the loyalists. There’s so many other kids though, them plus all their friends. So really, nowhere is safe unless it’s empty.”

“Meaning that further measures of security must be taken,” Peridot finished despondently. Then her back straightened. “If there is a network, it’s clear it has not been activated yet. Sugilite’s information was faulty; I am neither male nor a natural blond. Most likely she has not paid enough attention to me to recognize me at the bowling alley. However, I cannot rely on that security any longer, there are a limited amount of safe places for us to conduct our meetings, and few people can be trusted.”

“Right. We gonna have to go cov-ops.”

“Gesundheit.”

Amethyst laughed. “Covert operations,” she explained, “like being secret about our relationship. Maybe not, like, with our families obviously, or people who we know aren’t network members, but at school. You don’t like PDA anyway, do ya?”

“No. You bring up another valid point — even if Sugilite saw us together, she has no proof that we’re...well, _together,_ since we declared nothing publically.”

“Yeah.”

“So we _may_ still jointly participate in activities! We simply need to convince people that we’re not romantically involved.”

“Pfft. Easy for you to say.”

Peridot’s brow furrowed. _Ugh,_ she really was cute. “What?”

“Well, you’re aro, right?”

“Ah! A joke about my orientation.” Briefly Peridot’s pose on the bed became more relaxed and open, then she pulled her legs into her chest. “Um. Sorry for changing the subject, but, well...you’re not _uncomfortable_ with it? As in...my sexual attraction to you. Amethyst?”

Amethyst paused. She’d always dreamt of someone who could reciprocate romantic pining for her, the classic fairytale story of falling in love with a person for their personality and not their looks. Sex had only briefly been a part of those dreams and never a positive one; if anything, she remembered only having been disgusted by the idea. Some of that had changed, especially as high school came. (And she found fanfiction.) Dirty jokes were fun, sexy dancing was fun, showy clothing was fun, she’d distract all the boys she wanted, touching herself wasn’t half bad either. Wanting sex with others? Eh, wasn’t her thing.

But this wild territory — knowing her romantic fairytale dream could never be returned and that instead Peridot wanted to bang her hard enough to make her forget her own name — was...well, wild.

Meanwhile Peridot was red in the face and looked a little scared, even. “I just…you’ve implied that your relationship with Sugilite was...well...largely based on her physical attraction towards you, and I don’t want you to be deterred in any way by _my_ physical attraction towards you…”

“Peri, it’s fine.” Subconsciously, Amethyst mirrored Peridot’s pose, tucking her legs into her ample chest and leaning back against her pillow. “For one, you can’t control your sexuality, that’s just you! I don’t wanna change anything about you. And for two, don’t you dare compare yourself to Sugilite, our relationship sucked on both sides. I dislocated her jaw, and she didn’t respect me! But like, you respect me. Like whenever we kiss, I’m convinced you’re gonna pull out a detailed contract of consent or something just to make sure. I can’t imagine punching you for anything.”

Peridot cracked a shy grin. “Even when we first met?”

“Okay, maybe I did then,” Amethyst corrected, “just a little.”

“Yeah…” Peridot pushed up her glasses sheepishly. “I was such a jerk back then. I’m sorry by the way. I don’t believe I ever formally apologized.”

“Nah, you’re good. I think I realized you were sorry when you put your tongue in my mouth.”

At this, Peridot’s surprised facial expression caused Amethyst to burst out into laughter. “You’re absolutely lewd!” cried the other girl, but she was smiling the absolutely ecstatic, genuinely happy smile that told Amethyst she approved.

“Hey, you shot first. By the way, you still up for Star Wars cosplay?”

“Huh? Oh, right! Yes, of course...although I am having some difficulty acquiring a replica Han Solo blaster…”

And they talked until their respective mother figures told them they should go to bed or they would be tired the next morning, and they fell asleep with everything but worries on their minds.

The next morning, Amethyst aced her algebra pre-quiz, began a study of glass crystals in art, acquired a ton of homework in her other classes, and tried out for the dance team. And she only got in _one_ brawl with Coach Jasper. Pretty good Monday.

In the social world, she found quickly that covert dating was easy, at least for her. She met up with Peridot as normal except out in the open, louder, cruder, and more often with other friends to divert attention. So really not that different at all, just less time alone together. But many times she still threw out a loud “best friend”, to which Peridot would cough to hide a laugh, the Cool Kids would exchange devilish glances, Stevonnie would giggle, and no one else was the wiser.

Surprisingly it was Peridot who had a harder time controlling herself. Possibly because she was lawful neutral in every sense of the term, not naturally inclined to bend rules as Amethyst did (she imagined herself chaotic good) even if the rules’ alternative was the safer option. It was harder for her to act an identity that wasn’t hers. She got all awkward and blushy when Amethyst punched her arm, cracked dirty jokes, or did any of the other friend things that they did before Peridot came out of the closet, and basically regressed to the surly, easily-flustered nerd struggling to keep her eyes off Amethyst’s ass. So their study schedule went out the window, and Peridot went home with Amethyst and Steven whenever she needed cuddling. (That turned out to be every day but it was okay.)

The one person who wasn’t convinced by the innocent friend act was the one person Amethyst had been trying, and succeeding, to not think of for a while. Miss Diamond, giver of too much homework for a Monday after break, seemed like the stick in her butt was a little sharper than normal. She glared at Amethyst directly _five times_ on Tuesday. She hadn’t even done anything particularly bad! When Diamond told her to see her after class, Amethyst expected just an irritated reprimanding for Snapchatting during the lecture and drawing obscene yet creepily hyperrealistic things in lab notebooks, the two things she’d done that day, but then Diamond asked Peridot to sit down too.

Amethyst could practically _hear_ Peridot’s train of thought: _Were we supposed to do a lab over the break? Electronically submit a thesis? DID I LEAVE MY WATER BOTTLE AGAIN?!_ until Diamond walked over with her laptop and turned it to face them.

“Miss Sun, Miss Espina, you might have noticed I had not posted the grades from your last unit exam. I wanted to discuss them personally.”

But Amethyst hardly heard what she’d said. She stared at the computer, almost speechless. There were two windows open and the first was Peridot’s, boasting a near spotless record and the last exam with 100%. Then there was Amethyst’s:

 _Amatista Altagracia Espina: Unit 7 Test 11/20/15 — 94%, A._ Averaged with her other things, her grade was a solid 83.4%.

“Holy shit,” slipped out of her mouth before she could check herself. Still, it was amazing, this had to be the best grade she’d ever gotten in...well, ANY class! Also, she was making Diamond’s eye twitch again.

“While not in such imprecise language, I would have to agree,” sighed Diamond, and folded her hands in front of her. “And that is why I asked to speak with you two today. At this time in Amethyst’s first attempt in taking this class, her grade was at a nearly impossible 37%, having turned in only one unfinished lab since the start of the year. After speaking with her guardians, her grade raised to 50%, which, as you know, is still a failed class.”

Amethyst deflated a little at the mention of her sophomore year. She’d failed three of her classes then, biology, algebra II, and history. History she’d been able to fudge enough extra credit to recover, and the only reason she’d passed any of her other classes was because she was already good at those. But that 37% was when Sugilite came into her life, when she’d developed depression and her Irlen’s syndrome got bad and she lost the will to succeed, when she’d started skipping school to avoid both disappointed teachers and her awful, awful friend group. Diamond heard about all this, who didn’t? Everyone knew Amethyst Espina had gotten in with the wrong crowd, half of whom had been expelled for bringing weed to school in homemade Rice Krispy Treats. She also felt she knew why Diamond was bringing it up again.

Peridot, however, didn’t seem to sense the danger. “That’s good, then!” she smiled. “Amethyst has shown exponential improvement. Was that not our goal?”

“Our goal was to improve her grades, yes,” said Diamond carefully, with just a side glance at Amethyst, “but do pardon if I hold no small amount of reasonable doubt in this miraculous success rate.”

Amethyst folded her arms and looked away, not wanting to say anything. She knew what this was about now. Peridot just gaped. “What?”

“Over the break I consulted with several of your other teachers — both yours, Amethyst, and yours, Peridot — and I found that this pattern of success is not confined to only my class. Mrs. Lazuli, Mr. Amber, and Miss Spinel, the teachers of World and U.S. History, Algebra II, and Sophomore-Junior Literature respectively, have also reported significant improvement since the beginning of the school year, classes which upon further examination I discovered that both of you shared.”

Oh god. She was really doing this, wasn’t she? “Yeah, lucky break,” Amethyst cut in too loud and took a page from Aventurine’s book. Blame it on luck. “She’s just such a great teacher, aren’t ya P-dot? You make learning just _that fun?”_

“Er...yes?” Peridot replied. _What are you doing?_ her eyes asked. Amethyst couldn’t answer that. She didn’t know either.

But whatever Diamond was insinuating here, it was pretty skeevy, and it was crumbling underneath her. The teacher’s over-makeuped eyes squinted at her. “Of...course. I assigned Peridot to you because I believed she would be competent, however…I simply never expected this _much_ success.”

Oh my god...was Diamond cracking? She _was_. She’d had a point here, somewhere, but whatever it was, Amethyst had just thrown a royal wrench into it.

And it was freaking hilarious.

“So we’ve planned on many more study sessions for the rest of the year!” Amethyst forced a laugh and slung her arm over Peridot’s bony shoulders. _Ow._ Those shoulders hurt when she threw herself at ‘em. She used the opportunity to nudge her knee against Peridot’s. _C’mon, dude, she likes you better. Talk._

“Oh — er — of course!” Peridot also fake-grinned and pushed up her glasses. “I see now, ma’am, what you intended in your arrangement associating Amethyst with myself, and that it was a very wise decision! In all sincerity, I, no, both of us thank you for this amazing opportunity. Though I, ah, am the teacher, I have learned a lot from this relationship that you have so, er, wisely put into place, including lessons in creativity and life skills as you so described to me when you first placed this frankly once very difficult burden on me; and in addition, I’ve been considering continuing as a long term job, as in, tutoring other students who need academic help in the sciences, history, or mathematics, especially the first and last of the three, which as you know I have studied more in depth at my previous school, and for which I will be returning for dual credit courses next year, perhaps also from you, including yours and Mr. Albus’s lovely AP Biology course — ”

Peridot was almost out of breath and it showed but Amethyst nudged her leg every time Diamond opened her mouth, keeping the poor girl talking over the teacher until the bell rang. “Oh, no, is that the time?” Amethyst cried dramatically. “I’m late to math. And I got a quiz.”

“You _have_ a quiz,” Diamond corrected, obviously irritated. Amethyst snapped her fingers.

“Yes, I do,” she agreed.

“And she needs to take it,” Peridot added. The girls stood up, confident in their abilities to end a conversation. Diamond looked like she was about to blow a gasket.

“Very well,” she forced through her teeth, “I shall write a pass for you.”

“Great, thanks!” Amethyst cut in. The teacher looked like she had been about to add something to her sentence, so the interjection had been just in time. Diamond’s sallow cheeks were now a satisfying shade of cough-medicine purple.

She scratched out a hall pass and handed it to Amethyst like she was holding a soiled diaper, but Amethyst was too eager to get out of there to passive aggressively mirror the action like she might any time else. Diamond said something else that Amethyst didn’t hear because she and Peridot were already out the door.

“Down here,” said Peridot as soon as the door closed behind them, and she took Amethyst’s hand and pulled her down a half-flight of a stairwell. They were alone; passing period was over and everyone would be in class or at lunch. So Peridot did exactly what Amethyst thought she might do — she pulled at her hair and slumped against the wall.

“She thinks you’re cheating off me,” Peridot moaned. “I should have seen this coming. What do we do?”

“How would _I_ know?” Amethyst replied. “And whaddya mean you should’ve seen this coming?”

“At Sci-fi Club, I ran into her in the halls. She knew I was there with you, I don’t know how, but she told me that pairing us might be a mistake and that you’ll turn out to be a bad influence on me.”

Amethyst went quiet for a second and drew her notebooks closer to her chest. “You think?”

It took a second for Peridot to realize what she said and she jumped up, her eyes darting nervously. “Of course not! I don’t think that, it was just what she said, look…Amethyst...”

A little light came in as Peridot brushed back the hair in Amethyst’s face, and as the petite hand pushed back into the rest of her hair when they kissed. “I’m not going to give up on you,” Peridot murmured in the space between contact. “You’re going to pass your classes based on your own intelligence if it’s the last damn thing I help you do. And if that clod thinks you’re not smart enough to do that…she can go screw herself.”

Amethyst gave a small laugh. “Heh, clod. The new c-word in town.”

“I mean, I can’t imagine calling her it to her face,” Peridot responded, possibly referencing a legend passed down from the junior class in which Amethyst called Diamond the actual c-word and received three weeks in lunch detention plus public service that she found a loophole through.

“Takes an expert to cuss out a teacher, Peridoll. I can teach ya later.”

She pressed her lips to Peridot’s sharp little nose, and her girlfriend snickered.

.

Unbeknownst to them Miss Diamond stood at the top of the stairs, looking down. The young couple wasted a minute in each other’s arms before parting.

Pursing her lips, the watcher turned on her heel and strode back into her classroom.

.

December came and stayed in an anticlimactic rush of dry wind and no snow, despite the school-stopping blizzard just a few weeks before. That was just the Midwest for you. Normally this kind of weather, paired with the impatience for the end of the semester and winter break, but not this year. For Amethyst, four things marked the normally too-slow passage of time -- finals, Orchesis, Star Wars, and Christmas. Each had an obligation to its name that she took with varying degrees of seriousness.

As a junior, she’d gotten used to the stress of finals, so this wasn’t a huge problem for her. Well, maybe it was, she just didn’t worry about it as much as she used to, and since she was an arts student, some of her finals couldn’t be studied for anyway. The ones that could be studied for...well. Even before teachers started handing out review guides, Peridot made a full-commando transition from cute tutor to whip-cracking slave driver.

“The standard final exam is worth 25% of your semester grade,” snapped the girl one Tuesday as she slapped an intimidating packet of equations on Amethyst’s desk, “and to maintain your current A minus in biology, B in English, and B minuses in algebra and world history, adding up to a 2.9 grade point average, your goal should be above 85% on all your exams — above 90% for bio and English.”

“What’s the rush? We got, like, two weeks,” Amethyst yawned, eyes on the bag of gummy bears in Peridot’s backpack. Her tutor pointed a pen at her.

“Silence! For a larger exam, well, any test really, it is more efficient to recall information in small sections prior to testing. We shall begin with a pre-quiz to assess what areas require more attention.”

“Is there a prize? Like...for every right answer?” Amethyst wiggled her eyebrows, and Peridot couldn’t help but smile.

“For each right answer, I shall indulge you in one kiss.”

“Anything else?”

She rolled her eyes. “One kiss and a gummy bear.”

“Hell yeah. It’s a deal, Turbo Nerd.”

Studying went quickly after that.

The second of her four markers, practice for the Orchesis show, was simultaneously the biggest and smallest effort. She had never before participated in her school’s spring dance performance, but now that Pearl and Garnet had pulled her from wrestling (they had forgiven her but not excused her) she needed something to keep herself active. It was worth a shot anyway; any dancer worth her stuff did Orchesis at least once before graduating. Tryouts had been months ago, but since she took dance in place of gym anyway, she convinced her dance teacher to let her into the lineup. It did mean extra catch-up practices with the annoying TA, Sardonyx, every Wednesday and some Fridays, effectively knocking out Sci-fi meetings, but thanks to the extra work she managed to snag some really cool dances.

Then Star Wars. This would be Amethyst’s first time seeing a Star Wars in theaters, as Pearl had had a strict rule about PG-13 movies (that Amethyst ended up breaking anyway) so at age six, Amethyst had not been allowed to see Episode III. So for Episode VII, she wanted everything to be just right. She’d reserved tickets to the IMAX, coordinated with her squad to see it the day after opening night, and had a Princess Leia cosplay rarin’ and ready to go — Pearl had sewed a replica white dress and Amethyst spent hours shaping her butt-length hair into twin cinnamon buns. As for her friends, Steven would dress up as Luke Skywalker, Peridot as Han Solo (the smuggler to her princess), Jenny as Padmé Amidala, Sour Cream as Anakin Skywalker, and Buck as Obi-wan Kenobi.

By this point you might expect a “but then some disastrous occurrence reared its head” because that’s just a pattern here. Hah, you fools. Not this time. Everything here went exactly as planned, give or take because Jenny apparently had the stomach flu and threw up in the theater bathroom, but other than that it was a normal trip. No feelings got hurt, no one met up with psycho teachers or exes, everyone saw the movie and had a great time.

Nope, it was Christmas Eve when everything went to shit.

Finals came and went in a strenuous whirlwind of three days, and then winter break was Amethyst’s at long last. Much like Thanksgiving break, its opening days were spent drawing and Skyping and generally being an unproductive pain to society until Garnet gave her something to do. That something turned out to be a stoic wakeup call at a peaky 9 a.m. with thrown-open blinds and a vacuum cleaner in the center of the room.

“Garnet, what the heck,” moaned Amethyst even before opening her eyes. Pearl didn’t wake people up like _this,_ and Steven was an ardent supporter of #LetAmethystSleep2K15. Garnet, however, was just this cold.

“We’ve got company tomorrow,” came the words that no teenager likes to hear. “Help Pearl.”

“Uuuuuggggghhhhh. It’s just your moms. They know we live like trash.”

“Greg and the Lazulis don’t. Now up.”

Now Amethyst was awake.

“The _Lazulis?”_ she exclaimed much later, as the family sat down for lunch. It was always better to complain to multiple people. “We can’t let them come over! Malachite’s, like, Sugilite’s best friend, is this not a _problem?!”_

“Oh, of course it’s a problem,” hummed Pearl as she poured water for everyone. “But if you have any other ideas as for where they should go, we’re open to ideas!”

Garnet cleared her throat and Pearl stopped. “Amethyst, I understand how difficult it might be to forgive Malachite,” said the taller woman — and Amethyst thought _yeah, you don’t, because even you guys don’t know what she let Sugilite do to me —_ “and our families may not always get along, but you need to put your grudges behind you. The Lazulis are going through very hard times now; they can hardly afford food and new clothes for their daughter. It’s all we can do to help them.”

She was right, but Amethyst still felt a little sick.

The sick receded throughout the day and next morning, but around four in the afternoon as she got ready, it came back full force and twicefold. Dizzy, she leaned over the bathroom sink far enough to press her forehead against the cold mirror.

“I can do this,” she told herself, bit her bottom lip, and began to dust on some makeup.

Fortunately the levels of social difficulty ran the easy way, starting with Greg arriving at 4:30 with a Wal-mart cheese tray. “Sorry, s’all I had time to get,” he apologized, adjusting the collar of a dorky turtleneck sporting a pattern of cherries. It didn’t matter because whether the cheese was imported from Wal-mart or Paris, Amethyst would still end up eating half of the tray, and Pearl, bedecked in her traditional silver and blue sari, would still scold her for spoiling her appetite.

They showed up around five, heralded by a few spirited honks from a purple Volkswagen bug and carrying in several large cylindrical packages. Garnet greeted her moms first, then there was that awkward encounter where Amethyst and Steven got smothered in hugs.

“Look at you two!” Ruby cackled, alternating between covering Steven’s cheeks in smooches and mussing Amethyst’s hair. “You’ve grown so much!”

“We saw you guys at Thanksgiving,” said Steven. Sapphire picked him up, despite him being almost as tall as she, and kissed his forehead a little gentler than her spouse had.

“Weeks feel like centuries when you love someone, Steven.”

Awkward as any teen in a social gathering like this, Amethyst drifted back to the appetizers and then sank into the couch. Steven had been watching _Elf_ earlier, but he’d gone to the basement to show his father a new song and for lack of anything else to do, Amethyst took his place. She didn’t even like the movie, but there was nothing left for her to do and Pearl might complain if she went back upstairs or took out her phone.

“What’s eatin’ you, girl?” asked Ruby as they dropped on the couch next to Amethyst. At an even fifty-two years old, Ruby was still as wiry and spry as ever, just the slightest hints of grey in their impressive afro. They put their dress shoes up on the coffee table as they relaxed, and automatically Amethyst relaxed too.

“Ugh. Just pain.”

“Literal or what?”

“An ex-girlfriend’s best friend,” she sighed. “Malachite Lazuli-Dominguez. You know ‘er?”

“I knew the family. Jasper used to pick on my little Garnet back in middle school, just ‘cuz of me.” Ruby grimaced. Amethyst knew the story, Ruby had been Sapphire’s emergency date to prom in 1980, at least, back when Ruby answered to their birth name of Rudy. Two confessions (Ruby admitting, at least back then, that they were trans and Sapphire admitting she was gay) and a one night stand later, Sapphire was pregnant with Garnet and both teenagers had been forced to flee the town. Life hadn’t been easy for their family — unmarried teen black mothers, no money, no home, nothing before they were all taken in by Rose. Even then it wasn’t easy.

“Middle schoolers are terrible,” Amethyst agreed.

“Yeah, I gave ‘er a talking to eventually. And then Lazuli came and loosened her up, man, you should’a seen the fireworks.”

“Yeah, well, we’re probably gonna see plenty fireworks.”

“Huh?”

“They’re coming over tonight.”

Ruby sat straight up. “Whoa whoa whoa. You didn’t tell me _that!”_

Amethyst frowned. “Didn’t Garnet — ”

“WHAT? _NO!_ GARNET, YOU GET DOWN HERE AND EXPLAIN THIS GUEST LIST TO ME _RIGHT THIS INSTANT!”_

And Ruby scrambled off the couch, leaving Amethyst unfortunately very alone. Best part was they had completely forgotten to give the grandparently advice they had come to give, and failed to reconnect with Amethyst all that night.

The mismatched trio of Lapis Lazuli, Coach Jasper, and Malachite appeared on their front porch an hour later (not even fashionably so; by then Pearl was taking the ham out of the oven and Steven was starting to worry if they were going to show up). There was none of the fanfare as given for Ruby and Sapphire, not even the respectful endearment with Greg, and they hadn’t even brought food to contribute so it wasn’t like anyone could convey emotion through “Thank you, I’ll take this to the kitchen, it smells wonderful”. Jasper and Malachite also looked as if their slacks had been dragged through the forest; only Lapis was somewhat presentable in her simple blue dress and tarnished silver necklace.

Dinner was stiff and polite thanks to the Lazulis’ presence, a stark contrast to the warmth of a normal Christmas dinner. Eventually some small talk came to the surface and made itself comfortable enough that someone looking in wouldn’t have been able to tell if the dinner party was awkward or just busy eating the ham and potatoes, but the stiff undertone still ran strong between the polite hand gestures and reined voices. Ruby and Sapphire sat an inch too close together and Ruby kept passing wary glances to Jasper; Amethyst caught Garnet quickly signing something in ASL that caused Sapphire to nod. Malachite never lifted her head higher than her food and kept checking her phone under the table. Greg, stuck next to Coach Jasper, just looked scared. Pearl talked too loud, too fast.

Steven made not one, not two, but four attempts to make everything less awkward, and actually succeeded in the fourth as he ran out of the room and came back with ten tiny boxes in different colors. “There’s one for everyone, even Peridot,” he explained as he distributed the packages, and caused Amethyst to cringe as she remembered Malachite sitting three seats down, “but she’s not here so I’ll give it to her when she comes over next. Amethyst, I ran out of black so it kind of looks mostly purple. Okay, you guys can open them now.”

They did, and everyone found a handwoven friendship bracelet in the same color as their box. Amethyst’s was all monochrome purple and the chevron design didn’t stand out very well, but it was still cute and she slipped it on.

“Do...you like them?” asked Steven sheepishly. The question was clearly directed towards the Lazulis.

“They’re beautiful.” Lapis took him into a hug. “Thank you, Steven.”

“The craftsmanship is impressive,” remarked Jasper and tied her orange bracelet around her wrist (as long as it was, it only barely fit). Malachite didn’t say anything, just stuffed hers into her pocket.

Steven’s gifts provided a nice segway into dessert, a low-fat strawberry cheesecake that Amethyst ate a few slices too many of, but even though she didn’t feel sick, she managed to pull off a lie that she was just so she could go back to her room. Just like they always did when company was over, Pearl and Garnet would probably just sip wine and snack on the remaining appetizers and chat with the other adults until they ran out of wine or someone made up an excuse about having to be early for work the next morning. Steven might hang around and be friendly with any adult who had enough of the chatting or he might start setting up “Santa Claus bait”. Either way, that didn’t leave Amethyst with many options, so her bedroom it was.

She wasn’t the only one who had that idea. A giant fluffy cat (formerly white until an unfortunate selection of shampoo made him pink) was curled on her pillow. Sighing, she grabbed her laptop and reclined next to the animal. “Company’s too much for you too, huh?”

Lion twitched his ears.

Glancing at the group chat, Amethyst didn’t expect many people to be active because of Christmas Eve and all, but lo and behold Peridot was on. “And you,” was how she said hello, but noticed her girlfriend was dressed in a baggy t-shirt and fleece pj pants, her blond hair a bird’s nest and her poofy headphones around her neck. “Thought you guys were somewhere for Christmas, are you _that_ sick of socializing?”

“Grandma Yellowtail simply _cannot_ last five minutes in public company without her nasal spray. Dinner fell apart two hours ago,” Peridot shrugged. “As for yourself, you appear quite genteel.”

Despite herself Amethyst glanced down at her dark red sweater and black skirt. “Aw, thanks.”

“What kind of eyeshadow is that?”

“You know it. _Sapphos_ Amethyst Aura. I blended it with some Coveted Cobalt, that’s why it looks different.”

“I swear you have an unlimited supply.”

“Meh, I kinda do? Garnet’s mom, like, owns the brand, you know Sapphire? From the beauty salon? She gives me a ton of free stuff.”

“Are you joking?”

“I thought you knew.”

“Are you telling me I could have been using you to get free cosmetic maintenance supplies?”

Amethyst snorted, and just like that the two girls slipped into their normal, comfortable colloquy. At least, for fifteen minutes.

Just as Amethyst brought up the school dance show’s need for tech people, she was cut off by a heavy-handed knock on the door. “Amethyst?” called Jasper’s voice, to which Amethyst’s heart skipped a beat and Peridot frowned.

“Is that Coach Jasper? What’s she doing in your — ”

“I’m gonna have to call you back,” responded Amethyst before closing her laptop and taking the door.

Sure enough her ears hadn’t deceived her, it was Jasper, and she wasn’t alone. Malachite, with crossed arms and kind of wimpy and pale next to her powerfully-built Amazon of a mother, was finding something very interesting on the hardwood floor. Just great.

“Can I, uh, help you?” Amethyst asked awkwardly.

“Pearl and Garnet wanted to make sure you were okay,” replied Jasper in the voice that said she knew Amethyst was okay, that she had always been okay in fact, and that’s an awfully specific voice but Jasper knew Amethyst well enough that it did have a category.

“Uh, yeah. I’m fine now.”

“Ahh, okay. Just bored of the small talk, I get it. My daughter knows the feeling; why don’t you two hang out for a while?”

Translation: _I need to get Malachite off my back because she’s probably being super whiny and interrupting my political argument with Ruby and Sapphire._ Amethyst felt a cold rock settle in her stomach, but found herself nodding.

At a light push from Jasper, Malachite sullenly drifted into Amethyst’s room and the coach left them alone. Amethyst made sure to leave her door at least partly open. For good measure, she picked up her baseball bat, threw her phone onto the bed, and reclined right back where she’d been before. She and Malachite stared at each other until the other girl tore her eyes away.

“I saw you the other day,” spat Malachite, anxiously tugging her mottled hair.

Amidst the glitter and purple lights of Amethyst’s room, she could almost be described as pathetic, even ugly, but it made Amethyst uncomfortable to describe anyone like that. Still, Malachite was about as pretty as her attitude. Her ratty green sweater hung limply off her bony shoulders and her pants stretched tight across her hips, and it wasn’t the clothes’ fault; she’d always been disproportionate like that. The cheap bleach job on her insane hair had passed its prime, revealing damaged orange-red. Her nose ring, lip stud, and quintet of ear piercings were gone.

Amethyst glanced her up and down and decided to be passive aggressive. “Yeah, I think we go to the same school.”

“At the bowling alley,” Malachite glared at her before turning away again. “With your girlfriend.”

Amethyst gripped her bat. “She’s not my — ”

“Yeah, what is she then? I saw you kiss ‘er. I’m not fucking blind. And you were spyin’ on us too, weren’t you? In the bathroom?”

 _Shit, but also not shit. What are you doing?_ “Yeah. But you didn’t tell Sugilite. Why?”

Malachite blew a lock of hair out of her face and muttered unintelligibly.

“Uh, you gonna have to speak louder.”

“I said what if I just wanna be NICE for once?” snapped Malachite.

“Nice?!” Amethyst repeated. She could hardly believe what she was hearing. “You let Sugilite…” Suddenly remembering the open door and the possibility of Steven hearing, she lowered her voice to a hiss. “You let her touch me when I clearly said no. I won’t take that shit from you, you’re not sorry, you weren’t then and you aren’t now. And if you’re just saying that to _get_ something from me, then I hope you remember that I kicked your ass last time. And this time you don’t got Sugilite to hide behind.”

Malachite’s upper lip twitched back, revealing her abnormally pointed canine teeth. “You think I fuckin’ care about Sugilite? You think she doesn’t do the same shit to me too? I’m sick ‘a being everyone’s bitch, so if she wants to freak the fuck out about some imaginary guy you’re dating that’s her problem. I’m not doing shit for anyone anymore. I’m done.”

The raw anger in the words shattered on the floor, bringing with them a trembling silence broken only by the shuffling of Malachite’s shoe as she dragged it moodily across the carpet. Slowly, Amethyst let go of her baseball bat. “You saying you wanna apologize?”

“I mean...yeah. No. I don’t know, alright? I’m just — fuck. It’s just stupid.”

“Saying sorry?”

“I don’t know, everything!” groaned Malachite, whirling around. Her big green eyes, as caked in makeup as they were, glittered in the light. Snarling, but not at Amethyst, she dragged her hand across her face and sniffled. “I just — I wanna get things out of the way, cuz I’m leaving and all. Forever.”

Leaving forever. The words could be taken multiple ways, and Amethyst wasn’t sure which one Malachite had settled on. “Where to?”

“Anywhere but here.”

A slightly longer pause happened before Malachite added:

“I’m havin’ a go-away party New Year’s Eve. Invited all the people who hate me to celebrate. I thought you’d wanna come.”

Okay, that kind of ached. Amethyst shook her head. “Look, girl. If you wanted to sit down so bad you could’a just asked.”

As Malachite looked up, the shock on her face could have powered a couple small cities. Just in case, Amethyst added a half-smile, gestured to her bowl chair, and reached for her laptop.

“You wanna talk?”

“Fuck, no.”

“A’ight.”

So Amethyst opened Tumblr, Malachite sat in the chair and pulled out her phone, and everything was okay.

She’d never see it coming.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ALSO BECAUSE FINALS I CAN'T UPDATE UNTIL THE 27TH SORRY BUT I'M FLUNKING ALGEBRA SO WYD


	14. Far Too Young to Die

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> \- Far Too Young to Die — Panic! at the Disco -
> 
> "Fixation or psychosis?  
> Devoted to neurosis now  
> Endless romantic stories  
> You never could control me"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNINGS: underage drinking, underage drug use, mentions of abuse, and nonconsensual kissing.

It certainly wouldn’t be the first unsupervised high school party Amethyst had been to, but after it, she seriously considered it being her last.

On Christmas Eve, as the night went on, Malachite let slip more information about the event until Amethyst was pretty sure she wanted her to come — she really was bad at giving subtle hints. It was on New Year’s Eve after nine at Basalt’s place. The guests would be a couple kids from their school but mostly from the significantly rougher neighboring town, whose high school Malachite had attended before her moms started working at this one. “No Sugilite though, no one from her circle,” Malachite promised with a snarl. “I’m leavin’ exactly at midnight, don’t want her followin’ me.”

Just like any high school party there was a code: no friends who’d tell their parents, bring the fake IDs just in case, don’t try too hard with the clothes, bring a snack if you could. Coordinate with friends if you were gonna get drunk or high, tell them if you were going home with anyone different, find who was straight edge, make sure they had the keys at the end of the night. Don’t get caught. Don’t bring the ship down with you.

Amethyst felt kind of bad as she nodded a yeah I’ll be there — it’d been almost a month and a half since she’d done something this bad again, but she justified it by reminding herself that this wouldn’t be the worst party she’d been to. At least she had no intentions of making out with strangers and smoking until she fell over. She was just going to keep company with someone who’d gone through the same trauma she had, and to make sure that Malachite didn’t harm herself on such a symbolic night.

Still, when she called Peridot back in the dead of night and her girlfriend unfolded the tentative plans for a New Year’s Eve Super Smash Bros tournament, Amethyst felt awful about turning it down.

“Look, Peri, I’m sorry,” she tried in a careful whisper, already knowing how empty the words sounded, “but I promised Malachite. You can come too if you want, you just can’t tell Vidalia…”

She tapered off when she saw Peridot’s face, completely unamused. “I may have volunteered to demonstrate a rebellious lifestyle, but you know I will not do that for the same reasons I tell you that you shouldn’t either.”

“I don’t think you understand,” Amethyst argued. “I just feel like I need to be there for her.”

“What do you think this will be, a therapy session?” Peridot threw her hands in the air. “What did she _say_ to you? One second you’re scared of her and now you wish to attend her going-away party.”

Amethyst was getting impatient. “You’re just mad that I’m skipping out on Super Smash Bros. Listen, I wanna go to this party even if it’s bad, I already told her I’d be there and I don’t wanna break that promise.”

“ ‘Even if it’s bad’? It’s a disaster waiting to happen! Malachite is nothing but trouble even unaccompanied by Sugilite!”

“Yeah, well, trouble can be fun too.”

“ _FUN?!”_ Peridot jerked back so fast her headphones slipped off her ears and she scrambled to put them back on. “You’ve got to be joking! You don’t know what could happen at this party, you have no grounds to trust Malachite so suddenly, you will hardly know anyone there and you’re going to call it FUN?”

Subconsciously, Amethyst had begun to clench her fists. This all was too familiar and she didn’t like it — Peridot thought that Amethyst would just be as bad as she wanted her to, didn’t she? That she could just lay down the rules for what was safe for Amethyst and what wasn’t? Well, that wasn’t gonna work anymore. “So I can’t go out and enjoy myself with other friends now, is that it? I’m gonna have to ask you before I do stuff with people you don’t like? What did Malachite ever do to you, huh — ”

“Amethyst, I just don’t want her to do anything to YOU!”

Whatever Amethyst had been ready to say, it was gone now. In the full view of the camera, a glittering tear rolled down Peridot’s cheek. “I mean…” Trembling, she wiped her eyes and pulled her legs into her chest. “I don’t want you to put yourself in potential danger when I know I could have saved you. As in…when you went to find Izarra. I felt terrible, like I had let you down.”

Amethyst swallowed. “That wasn’t your fault.”

“I know it wasn’t then, but it you get hurt at this party then it will.” Peridot started to sniffle, big, disgusting sniffles probably not helped by her bad cold, and blinked too hard. Fingers shaking, she reached somewhere below the computer and pressed her hand against something — against the screen, to Amethyst’s face just a couple miles away. “I...I want to see you again. Can you come over?”

“But...I just did two days ago,” Amethyst broke the melancholy tension as she teased a little, saw that Peridot was smiling just a little, and wiggled her eyebrows. “You want more of me already?”

At the flirty gestures, Peridot smiled more through the the tears, even snickered; victory. “I want _all_ of you, Amethyst. It’s a symptom of a normal premenstrual syndrome. I have an increased libido and cry twice a day.”

“Twice. What was the first?”

“It pertained to sharks, I believe. They’re endangered,” she added quietly, and then scowled. “Just like you’ll be if you go to that party.”

Amethyst sighed aloud and leaned back against her pillow. “Oh, Peri. I’ll be fine. I’ve been to, like, a hundred parties, with worse people than this too. And I promise I won’t drink, okay? High schoolers buy gross beer anyway.”

“And you’ll leave as soon as you can,” Peridot added.

“I’ll leave before midnight,” she offered, “and I think Basalt’s place is near yours so I could drop by. That way, I can still spend the first seconds of 2016 with my girl.”

“Promise?”

Amethyst smiled. “Cross my heart and hope to die.”

.

New Year’s Eve, 9:41 P.M. Amethyst showered, got dressed in her pajamas, and came downstairs complaining of a headache.

Pearl, washing the cookie sheet from the long-gone pizza, set it down and reached for the medicine cabinet. “Have you been wearing your colored contacts?” she asked worriedly. She had...sometimes. They were just kind of annoying to put in every day and sometimes she forgot because they were such a pale tint of purple that they were easy to ignore. But that didn’t even have anything to do with her “headache” now, so Amethyst made a show of rubbing her forehead.

“Yeah, I think I’m just tired. I think I might go to bed early.”

“Oh. All right, then,” Pearl replied and gave her two tablets of Ibuprofen. She pretended to swallow them, then tucked them in her pant pocket. “Did you want us to wake you up at midnight?”

“Nah, I’ll probably just be grumpy,” Amethyst said truthfully.

“We might accidentally wake you up anyway,” joked Connie from the living room. She and Steven were setting up sleeping bags and getting ready to watch Lord of the Rings, complete with giant bowls of popcorn. Steven wore a blanket cape and a Happy New Year’s party hat.

“I dunno. Once Amethyst slept through a tornado warning,” remarked Steven, and Amethyst chuckled as she remembered. The siren was next to their house, too, so that was impressive.

“Yup,” Amethyst popped the P, then yawned. “‘Kay, g’night losers.”

Just before she stepped up the stairs, though, two chubby arms wrapped around her. “Whoa — hey, Steven, I’m just going to bed,” she laughed, and her adoptive brother looked up at her with a grin.

“I know! But I won’t see you ‘til next year.”

The classic joke. Amethyst ruffled his hair. “No, you won’t. See you next year too, Ste-man.”

She left them, locked her bedroom door behind her, and opened her closet.

There was always the party dress code of not trying too hard, but like her master taste and hand in makeup, Amethyst was an expert at “flashy but subtle”. Or at least she sometimes thought she was; maybe all her friends’ compliments were actually sarcasm. She could never tell. But she was proud of this outfit — her stretchiest comfiest jeans (that made her butt look real nice), the neon paint-splattered purple shirt that had a droopy left sleeve, high tops and jewelry. Man, she loved jewelry. On went her sparkliest studs, a tattoo choker, and her plastic peridot necklace from the bowling alley (always the peridot necklace). Unraveling her mane of hair from its messy bun, she ran a brush through it a few times and clipped in a few bright pink hair extensions.

From the living room, she heard the distinctive Lord of the Rings theme and a small burst of laughter at an unheard joke, and for some reason it made her stomach clench up. She thought of her other friends. According to Snapchat, Jenny, Buck, and Sour Cream were at Buck’s house, watching dumb comedies in the basement and making out with each other during the slow parts. Sadie was at her mom’s party, avoiding her less-than-reserved neighbors. Lars was at a concert. Peridot...Amethyst didn’t really want to think about that, but she still did, and wondered if Peridot was thinking about her. She might be playing her games now. Alone.

Biting her lower lip, she smeared one more coat of neon purple lipstick over it and began the routine. First she rolled up her pillows and blankets to look like she was asleep in the bed — the classic trick, but only passable when she lay a lavender cosplay wig on the pillow because the absence of her self-governing hair would be a dead giveaway. Then, because it was cold, but since she left her regular coat downstairs, she shrugged on an old aviator’s jacket she had “borrowed” from Greg. Her purse was already equipped with spare keys to the house and the car (no one would miss them), her phone, and a compact can of spray paint in case things got wild.

And quietly, oh so carefully, she turned out the lights, closed the door behind her, and sneaked down the empty hallway to Garnet’s bedroom.

She went to Garnet’s room because it had a window right above the wraparound porch. With a little courage, one could climb out of the window and down the awning and drop themselves nine feet to the ground behind the bushes. For once she was grateful that they lived in a noticeably European house — these windows didn’t have wire screens, the dimensions were wrong to just buy one from Menard’s, and they hadn’t had the money to get custom-made screens. Meaning that Amethyst could sneak out without having to risk going downstairs. At least...she could when Garnet wasn’t home and the garage was empty, but she’d taken care of both of those. Garnet’s shifts lasted 24 hours, meaning she wouldn’t be back until tomorrow at seven P.M., and Pearl would be too busy celebrating with the kids.

Again, for once Amethyst appreciated the annoying setup of the ancient Rosewood mansion, even the awful cold space between the house and the stable-turned-garage. A disconnected garage meant no one could hear when someone came in or went out. Everything was perfect. Except her car, unfortunately; the front fender was still a little dented and the license plate had adopted a strange angle, but Pearl had replaced the broken headlights so the only thing in danger would be the car’s aesthetic. Not that it ever had any, muttered Amethyst as she settled in the driver’s seat, gripped the wheel, and backed the 1999 Toyota out of the garage.

She was off.

Freezing rain came down in indecisive waves, forming blurry ice on everything it hit. Amethyst forced herself to slow down especially as she pulled onto the treacherous two-mile stretch of Paz Road, and switched on the radio to keep out the depressing sound of winter rain. She’d be at the party in no time, and she’d be able to forget the discomfort that had settled in her gut. Whatever that discomfort was.

She’d been right before, Basalt’s house was near Peridot’s, but it had nothing in common with the nearby ranches and squat two-stories. Obviously custom-built, lounging at the back of the neighborhood in a two-lot-wide lawn that would probably make Pearl cry in joy. Not as imposing as Rosewood, but not simple or small either. Good lighting, concrete driveways, three car garage, giant brick arches over the front porch, a wrought-iron gate around a surely expansive backyard. Bass-heavy music pounded from somewhere inside. About twenty cars lined the streets, and six crammed into the driveway.

Amethyst parked and stepped up to the impressive threshold, shivering in her coat. After an annoyingly long time, a skinny Indian kid cracked open the door and glared down his prominent nose. Right...Basalt’s younger brother, Obsidian.

“Name?” the freshman scowled. Amethyst wanted to tell him to stick a sippy cup in it.

She said instead, “I’m in your damn bio class.” Which wasn’t any less rude.

“Name,” he insisted. She sighed.

“Amethyst Espina. Malachite invited me.”

Obsidian opened the door, took her coat, and led her into a pristine kitchen. A very awkward-looking Jade perched on a barstool by the counter and stared at Amethyst when she came in.

“The animals are downstairs,” grumbled Obsidian, climbing up next to his girlfriend. He gestured to a hall. “First door on the left.”

Thanks to the house-shaking music coming clearly from under the floor, Amethyst probably could’ve found it herself, but she still thanked Obsidian and followed the directions. She might’ve been bad, but she wasn’t mean. The kid had probably been bribed by his older brother to be the bellboy for the night; not his fault.

When she opened the door, she found it almost like plunging into a public swimming pool on a hot day — everything was there, an assault of her senses and personal space as she descended the stairs. Flickering multicolored light, whipping hair and swaying bodies tinted purple (or maybe that was just her contact lenses). Dissonance pounded around the walls, too loud to even make out, and was backed by a chorus of laughter shaking in ecstasy. The already-damp air was a turbulent pea soup of sweat, cheap perfume, and a sickening bittersweet...ah. It _was_ that kind of party, what else would she have expected?

She found Malachite far from the throng, a decrepit figure leaned against a pool table and holding a cigarette to her lips. Other than a black bra and jeans that had more holes than fabric, the seventeen-year-old was virtually naked — but that was just Malachite for for you. Her piercings, returned to their rightful places, glittered in the strobing lights.

“Hey, Mal!” called Amethyst over the racket, darted through the clearing in the fray, and came up beside her. Despite this being publicized as her party, Malachite seemed awfully alone. She gave her a soft glare.

“You’re late.”

Amethyst shrugged. “I’m here, though.”

Malachite mumbled something and took a long drag from her cigarette, then held it out to Amethyst. “Want some?”

“Nah. Leaving early to see my girl.”

“Your...girl. Right.” Malachite fiddled with a cuff around her wrist, avoiding it when Amethyst looked at her. Weird, but not significant. Maybe she was just disappointed that Amethyst wouldn’t be there for her departure. “Uh. You want something to drink then?”

“I’ll get it myself,” Amethyst smiled stiffly. Maybe she did think Malachite was okay, but she could never be too careful. “Where…”

There was a small bar against the wall where Basalt was mixing drinks with ice, and Amethyst saw some people carrying pop cans so there had to be a fridge or something, but then Malachite pointed her towards a small cooler on a chair. “We ran out of soda ‘cept some in there.”

“Um...okay?” With a house this big she expected something more than a seedy plastic cooler for nonalcoholic drinks, but maybe they had just wanted to keep the types of drinks separate...AND completely miscounted the soda. Yeah. That could happen. Still...Amethyst couldn’t help but feel a little uneasy as she cracked open the cooler and saw just a half-empty bottle of Pepsi and four cups.

“So what’s the plan for tonight?” Amethyst returned to Malachite’s side and took a cautious sip of her Pepsi. It was kind of greasy in the way that flat pop is, but sneaking out of a house made a girl desperately thirsty. “Anythin’ special? Time limit?”

Malachite blew a little smoke ring. “Nah, we’re stayin’ ‘til everyone’s out. I mean, except me, but...you know. Nothin’ special. Might watch Basalt make out with his guy on the dance floor in a few minutes.”

“So this place is free?”

“What?”

“Basalt and Obsidian, their parents are, what, dead? Why ain’t they here?”

“They got different moms and they got other families or some shit, I dunno. And their dad’s, like, in India, he’s never home anyway. Ain’t coming back for months.”

“Yikes.”

“I know, right? But we get this place so long as we don’t trash it too bad.”

“I guess.” Amethyst shook her head, making her hair extensions whirl out, and grimaced. Maybe it was just the super loud music and having to yell over it all, but she was starting to get a headache for real. Kinda fuzzy, too, like fatigue after a long workout. “So…”

When she looked back at Malachite, the older girl had stuck her cigarette between her lips and begun texting something on a battered old phone. “Huh? Oh...yeah.” Malachite stuffed the phone back into her jeans pocket and glanced at Amethyst once before looking away again. She stared at the dancing crowds as if she was searching for someone. “Sorry.”

Amethyst frowned. “Uh...okay. Are you...okay, though?”

“I said I’m _fine_ ,” snapped Malachite. “I just…”

Her eyes darted down — to empty cup in Amethyst’s hands. That was all it took.

Involuntarily, Amethyst dropped the cup and reeled backwards, her head spinning. But even in the fear, it was like the dreams where you want to run, but feel like you’re moving through waist-deep water. Something cold and bitter rose in her throat. “You,” she choked, “ _what the hell was in my drink?”_

It all fit — that’s why Malachite was hanging out alone, why the beverage setup was so weird, why she wasn’t feeling good, probably also why Peridot had had a bad feeling about the party. Malachite had drugged her. But it couldn’t be happening. It _shouldn’t._ Amethyst tried to run even though she knew she wouldn’t get far; two steps forward and her head jerked back as someone grabbed her hair. Dizzy, she fell backwards as Malachite then released her, sending her crashing into some surprised party guests.

Voices began to yell at her as she pushed herself to her knees, her right hand already clenched into a fist, until a hand appeared over her shoulder. “Thanks — ” she started to say as she took it, and then stopped as she recognized the grip. _God, no._ Breathless, she looked up.

It was her, alright.

Massive hair, massive body, beautiful ferocious dark eyes that took you by the collar and didn’t let you go. Sugilite’s strong hand drowned Amethyst’s, and as she pulled the younger girl to her feet, it did nothing to lessen the terrifying size difference between the two.

“Hey, babe,” Sugilite smiled. Amethyst wanted to throw up. “Wanna dance?”

“Get your hands off me,” Amethyst responded fuzzily and struggled to wrench her hand out of the bigger girl’s. In response, Sugilite grabbed Amethyst’s other wrist, spun her around, and pinned her against the wall. Over Sugilite’s shoulder she saw a party continuing, not noticing, and Malachite watching with wide eyes. With the hand not crushed in Sugilite’s fist, Amethyst flipped her the bird.

She found her eyes drawn inevitably back to Sugilite’s looming silhouette, pinning her down at the wrists. This was everything from her nightmares, everything that swam under the surface in the back of her mind when she let her girlfriend push her against the bed. And she was sick of it. “Sugilite, I said _stop,”_ Amethyst snapped, “I’m sick of your fuckin’ games, we’re _done._ Get another toy or fuck off.”

Sugilite laughed, beer the dominant scent on her breath. “Are you kiddin’?” she rasped, leaning in to kiss Amethyst’s jaw. She knew Amethyst was weak to neck kisses even if she didn’t want them, and as her lips began to massage the soft skin, Amethyst felt her knees go weak.

“See? You can’t say ya don’t like it. You missed me, admit it,” Sugilite whispered, caressing Amethyst’s face. She didn’t even need to hold both of her hands anymore, all she needed to do was lean her body weight onto Amethyst’s chest and there was nothing the girl could do. Bitter panic rose in her throat as she realized the drugged drink was working — fatigued as she was, she couldn’t push Sugilite away any more than she could move her head when the older girl pushed their lips together. And as much as Amethyst wanted to deny it, Sugilite was right. She’d always been able to give Amethyst what she wanted. Not only could she satisfy a girl, but she was good at it, and she’d let Amethyst take her own pace. They’d started out so slow, just like the fairytale romance, until one day Sugilite had decided Amethyst’s time was up.

Amethyst met Sugilite’s eyes with a scathing glare. “As much as syphilis,” she snapped, and hurled a wad of spit at her ex’s face.

Surprised, Sugilite reeled back, and Amethyst used all her strength to drive her fist into Sugilite’s solar plexus. Then she ran. For the second time she broke through a section of the crowd but this time kept going, knocking over people on platform shoes and tumbling through a quartet of people kissing. Where were the stairs? She couldn’t remember — dammit, that drug worked _fast_ — and the other party guests were starting to get mad. The pea-soup air began to boil, someone grabbed at her hair and another at her butt and she tripped over someone’s leg, sprawling face-first into a puddle of spilled beer.

And then, as she pushed herself up, there it was. Escape. She was crying now, she knew it, as she stumbled up the stairs and tried to keep herself steady on the handrail with numbed hands. Her own name echoed in her ears. Shaking her head, she crashed through the basement door and into the kitchen — probably giving a heart attack to Obsidian and Jade, the first of whom had the second pressed against the kitchen wall.

“Bathroom,” Amethyst managed to pant, and the wide-eyed Obsidian pointed past the kitchen.

She didn’t look behind her, but heard the thunder of feet just as she skidded inside the bathroom and locked the door. _God, no._ This couldn’t be happening. When the voices gathered in the hallway and a fist pounded against the door, Amethyst’s legs gave out and she pressed herself against the wall, knowing what would come if the lock didn’t hold. Then Obsidian’s voice came back.

“What the SHIT are you doing?”

“Stay outta it, kid,” spat Sugilite. She didn’t sound happy, and the few dozen voices that echoed her didn’t sound happy either, but the freshman didn’t back down.

“You made a deal. You break anything we can’t fix, I’m calling the cops on your ass. Now give her some privacy.”

There was an uneasy shuffling, then another slam against the door that made Amethyst jump.

“She’ll have to come out eventually,” said Malachite. “Let’s just wait ‘er out.”

“Oh, sounds like a great idea! Let’s just sit in a hallway for the rest of the night until —  _fuck you Mala, your ideas are SHIT._ YOU stay here if you think that’s so fucking genius.”

Some of the guests who had come along began to laugh, and when Malachite spoke again, her voice cracked. “Fine. I don’t wanna be at this lame-ass party anyway. But I’m still leaving at midnight, okay?”

“Yeah, whatever,” called Sugilite. Her voice was further away now. Amethyst loosened her grip around her own stomach.

The footsteps receded, the music in the basement resumed in pounding, and a wave of voices made the house shake. There was a thump and a sigh from the hallway; when Amethyst pressed her cheek against the hardwood floor and looked through the crack under the door, she saw Malachite’s jeans and black lacy underwear (which she didn’t even _want_ to see). The henchman had simply dropped herself in front of the bathroom door.

But Amethyst was alone, for now.

Still trembling, she struggled to her knees and tried to make herself throw up in the toilet to get the drug out of her system, but every time she stuck her finger down her throat, her hand wobbled too much to get anything done. Eventually she ended up curled on the white fuzzy rug, clutching her phone like her life depended on it. Which it kind of did.

She couldn’t call Pearl — Amethyst wasn’t sure if she was ready for that all over again. Garnet was at work. The Cool Kids might try to make her tell Garnet and Pearl if they found out she’d been drugged. Some of the Quartz bikers? She only knew for sure that Aventurine was in town, but she would rat her out too. Might even try to take her to the hospital and that would be even worse, medical bills on top of legal trouble. She had to get someone who wouldn’t tell, or who she could beg them not to tell, someone who she trusted and who knew how to get her home —

She stopped at _P_ in her contacts list, vaguely wondering why she hadn’t thought of it before.

Amethyst’s vision was beginning to blur and fuzz around the edges and it took several tries to tap the icon, then call her. “Peridot,” she blurted too soon — the receiver hadn’t even stopped ringing yet. “Peridot, Peridot, Peridot...listen, please…”

She was met by a sharp intake of breath on the other line. _“What’s wrong? Amethyst, are you at the party?”_

“Listen, please, you can’t get mad.” Her words tripped over one another and tears prickled in her eyes. “You can’t t- tell them, please don’t tell Garnet or Pearl.”

“ _Wh — what happened?!”_

“Sugilite. Sugil...and Mala...she drugged me, Peri, something in my drink, I was gonna get raped, I’m still at the house I need you to get me, please, you can’t tell —” She really was crying now, she couldn’t feel her hands or her toes and she fell on her side, the phone pressed between the floor and her ear. “I’m — I’m blacking out, you have to come help me. Please.”

The silence on the other end had to be just a second, but for Amethyst it was forever. And the words afterwards weren’t worth it. _“Amethyst, there’s nothing I can do. I’m calling your guardians.”_

“No!” Anything but that. “Peri, Peri _please_ you can’t tell them, they’ll _hate_ me. Please come get me. I can just sneak upstairs and they’ll never know _please_ you can’t do this. Don’t tell them.”

Another silence. Then, _“Okay. I’ll...I’ll be there. I’m leaving now. Do you want me to stay on the phone with you?”_

 _I don’t know how long I’ll be able to talk to you,_ thought Amethyst blearily.

“Yes,” she whispered instead.

It was all she could do. Below her, music continued to pound; outside, Malachite leaned against her prison door and smoked her joint. Across town, Peridot gripped her phone.

_“Okay.”_


	15. Heartbeat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> \- Heartbeat — Satellite Stories -
> 
> "Are we driving apart  
> Just to smash into a car  
> Should we slam down on the brakes  
> Going back to start —
> 
> Can't feel your heartbeat  
> If I never get the chance to say I miss you"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: ...I have a soft spot for Malachite and you can tell. Poor, large, bitter baby. She hates herself so much.
> 
> On the other hand I feel like Sugilite is slightly out of character — I’ll make my excuses here that 1.) I still love her canon character and it’s difficult writing her as a legit antagonist and 2.) she’s probably on the corner of drop dead drunk and understands that she won’t be able to get out of things by punching them when her physical capacities are that trashed, so she’s more pliable. Don’t think y’all getting out easy though...she’s one of those weird people who’s perfectly clear-minded even when blitzed.
> 
> Warnings are pretty much the same as the last chapter — underage drinking, drug use, sexual references, mentioned and discussed sexual assault.

Peridot was not surprised.

That didn’t mean that she was happy at having been right, or tried to justify what happened to her partner as “getting what she asked for” — she simply wasn’t surprised. Like a former doomsday prophet watching the world fall apart. If Amethyst was hurt, Peridot’s world _would_ fall apart. She didn’t think she was ready for that. So that’s why she’d kept her phone on her lap all night, why it was on full volume and the fastest vibrate setting, why when Vidalia asked if she wanted to come to the artist party across town she declined, why she made sure that Onion’s babysitter could drive.

And then Amethyst had said  _ don’t tell anyone. _

Peridot was fully inclined to tell someone as soon as she said not to. But then Amethyst began to cry. Her voice was not her own, that was for sure; Peridot probably could have reasoned that she was on something even before she admitted it. There was a distinctive slur in her words as if she had been drinking and she fumbled with the phone like she couldn’t hold it steady. And she was terrified at the thought of Pearl and Garnet finding out, almost even more scared than when she talked about Sugilite.

It hurt. It really, really hurt. And that hurt more than it hurt for Peridot to slip on her coat and shoes, make sure the babysitter had fallen asleep, and sneak out the back door, so she chose Amethyst’s option with a grimace on her face.

It was both bitterly cold and raining, but Peridot couldn’t find an umbrella, so she just pulled up her parka hood and tried to walk fast. Just a minute ago, Amethyst’s end of the line went almost hysterical and then dead, babbling words that blurred into one another and made no sense and then stopping altogether. At least it was only a block to Basalt’s place, she could see the strings of cars already, but with every step she realized a little more that she had no plan. No plan of attack. No backup. No friends. No manpower. And Amethyst had blacked out, she wouldn’t be able to defend herself or call for help — it might be too late.

Peridot was so worried that she didn’t notice the lights of her neighbor’s house flick on. A tall woman in a teal hijab stepped onto her porch. “Peridot?”

She yelped, spun around, and locked eyes with her neighbor. She’d recognized the voice, so she wasn’t exactly scared, just shocked, but then she was scared again as she realized what this meant. Alexandrite Ahuja was the scariest college student Peridot knew. According to legend, the music major survived entirely off coffee and never slept, spending eighteen hours a day over the piano that could be heard halfway across the neighborhood. She always wore sunglasses and unlike Garnet, she didn’t have an excuse. She was unpredictable, indecisive, and...well...intimidating.

“Ma’am, I swear I’m not doing anything, I was just — ”

“Sneaking out to the bomb-ass party down the block,” finished Alexandrite in a perfect deadpan, swinging an umbrella over her head and stepping down from the porch. “I understand. Come along now, I’ll take you home.”

“Wait!”

Alexandrite stopped with the umbrella over Peridot’s head, thankfully, and looked down at her.

Peridot swallowed. “I...I’m not going to the party for myself, ma’am. My friend is there and she needs my help. Please,” she added.

Behind her round mirrored sunglasses, Alexandrite’s face was inscrutable. Then she said, “Okay”, turned around, and began to walk towards Basalt’s house with long strides that forced Peridot to jog to keep up. No more questions were asked.

Peridot started feeling increasingly uneasier as they approached Basalt’s imposing, well-lit house, even more so as Alexandrite led her right up to the front steps. (Personally, she would have gone through a window, but she wasn’t about to argue with  _ this  _ woman.) They probably looked ridiculous too, Peridot in her green alien pajamas and Alexandrite in a raincoat and fuzzy pink bathrobe, so who in their right mind would let them into a party? And what would they do if they did?

Peridot hadn’t even asked these questions aloud but Alexandrite still shrugged and told her “We’ll burn those bridges when we get to them,” before rapping the door three times with the end of her umbrella.

After a doorbell ring, six more knocks, and a minute they were answered by the wide-eyed Obsidian, who took one look at them through a three-inch crack and tried slamming the door, but Alexandrite stuck the end of her folded umbrella through the space. “What the sh — ” Obsidian tried to say before Peridot cut him off.

“I’m here to pick up my friend, Amethyst. You know Amethyst, right? She called me not ten minutes ago.”

Obsidian’s eyes darted between Peridot and the scary woman in the sunglasses, and the kid seemed to war with himself for a few minutes before opening the door all the way. “J- just don’t break anything!” he snapped, not even explaining why that was a concern.

The house was beautiful, yes, actually quite similar to Family One’s in design and style, but unlike that one, this stunk of beer and teenagers. Under their feet, the floor shook from music underneath and Peridot could make out some of the heavy bass chords. Just in the foyer, two very wet kids hung on the staircase, lazy-eyed and draping over the railing so far that they were in danger of falling off. Judging by their sorry state, this party was quite far along.

Peridot was just about to ask where Amethyst was until Obsidian grunted “Follow me” and took them into a trashed kitchen. A cloud of smoke and several other teens lingered over the mess of potato chips, silly string, and various items of clothing. “For the record,” Obsidian added as they passed through, “I don’t got control over these people, and me and Jade haven’t touched anything. If I don’t do as Basalt says, he beats me up.”

The kid coughed and glanced up at Alexandrite, which would be fishy in itself if it wasn’t obvious that he was playing the victim for the apparent adult here. Peridot doubted coercion had anything to do with Obsidian’s gatekeeper status. More likely, Basalt would have given his younger brother a couple beers from the party stock, a negotiable amount of currency, and/or a reserved bedroom for him and his girlfriend. Smart move though. Alexandrite was...well, pretty adult-looking.

And apparently entirely unsympathetic. “I’m sure that’s the case,” she responded and, as she passed by, knocked a half-full cup into the sink. 

It didn’t take long for Peridot’s mood to go from wary to alarmed to disturbed. Obsidian pointed them to a small hallway off the kitchen, where a certain redheaded teen had planted herself on the ground outside a closed door. First Peridot jumped back, half hiding behind Alexandrite, then scrunched up her nose — the teen on the ground was wearing little more than underclothes, for one, and for two she had an orange-tipped stick in her mouth that smelled like... _ ugh.  _ The indecency. 

“Malachite,” breathed Alexandrite.

The girl’s head tipped against the door with a thud. Her black-lidded eyes opened slowly, tiredly, as she puffed out a ring of smoke, and settled on Alexandrite and Peridot at the end of the hall. “The fuck do you want?”

Alexandrite didn’t respond immediately, so Peridot swallowed her fear and stepped forward. If she was going to have to be the knight in shining armor, then that’s what she would do. “Malachite, I’m here to get Amethyst — ” her cracking voice betrayed her. Malachite’s toxic green eyes fastened on Peridot’s own and a knot tightened in her stomach.  _ No.  _ “S...so please get up and we can do this without causing conflict!”

At this, Malachite flinched and jerked her head back. “I don’t care about your stupid girlfriend,” she snapped. “It’s all Sugilite. Not us. Can’t you see? I’m stuck here.”

She sounded almost pathetic. Peridot said weakly, “But you’re not.”

“Hah! You’re too cute,” Malachite cackled, running her hand through her ratty hair, “but...you’re right. We’ve been holding ourselves back for too long — and for what? If I’m gonna be a slave to my ‘friends’, why don’t I have some  _ fun _ ?”

A chill went up Peridot’s spine. Malachite’s voice trembled between euphoria and rage, the first probably due to the drugs, the second, who knew. Alexandrite gripped her umbrella like a sword.

“We don’t have to fight! You’re outnumbered.”

At first, when Malachite pushed herself to her feet, Peridot thought that the delinquent would give it up. It was her stance that said it — lowered head, hunched shoulders, rubbing her arm mottled with tiny scars and freckles. Then she dropped the cigarette.

“I may be outnumbered, but you’re out of your _ depth _ ,” Malachite snapped, slamming her heavy boot on the glowing joint, grinding it to bits, and balling her now free hands into fists. Her head snapped up.

Peridot’s heart nearly stopped when she realized what this was coming to, what Malachite was about to do. Apparently Alexandrite had reached that conclusion a second faster because she pushed Peridot backwards as she lunged forward. Malachite met her midway with a punch to the face, Alexandrite dodged to avoid it and crashed against the wall, and Malachite cackled. The force shook the wall and a picture frame fell off (Peridot could almost hear Obsidian’s enraged shrieks already). She didn’t have any time to mourn over the frame, however, as she found two tall girls tumbling towards her.

Alexandrite put her umbrella between herself and Malachite, but the younger girl was apparently much stronger and used the umbrella to push Alexandrite backwards. Alexandrite stumbled through the door to the kitchen.

“Peridot, go!” was all Alexandrite could make out before Malachite jumped after her and landed a punch to her jaw. 

Shocked at the turn of events, Peridot had almost forgotten why she was there and looked around wildly. Right, she had to do something, and now that Alexandrite was keeping Malachite busy, the bathroom was unguarded. Her heart leapt up in her chest as she ran to the door and jiggled the handle. Of course she couldn’t get in, Amethyst had locked it to keep herself safe. She momentarily feared that it would be a more advanced lock that Sugilite and Malachite couldn’t get through, but upon examination, it was a simple push lock found on many indoor rooms. All she needed to open it was a hairpin or paper clip. 

Unfortunately, Peridot’s short gel-reliant hair didn’t require hairpins and she didn’t have her pencil case. She would have to look within the house — but where? Hadn’t they passed by an office on their way in? Yes, there had been, by the living room, and that door had been closed too, but if there was no one inside then it shouldn’t be a problem!

Except… Peridot stopped in the door to the kitchen and grimaced at the scene before her. Someone had flipped a table. Alexandrite was swinging the folded umbrella like a sword; her opponent was dodging and lashing out with surprisingly powerful arms. The few guests who had been in the kitchen before now stood on the sides, cheering on the fight with various levels of interest. Obsidian looked like he was about to blow a fuse.

It wouldn’t be a problem except...well...all that. 

It turned out that if she was fast Peridot could crawl behind the island (though she did get a little wet when Malachite pinned Alexandrite against the sink and sprayed water in her face, brutal) and run back to the corridor with the office. The office was marked by a tall glass-paned door and was unlit, but clearly sitting on the expansive but organized mahogany desk was a small square paper clip dispenser. Oh, her luck. 

She had just reached for the office door handle when something small and dark barrelled into her from the side.

“Clod — ” was the first thing to inadvertently leave her mouth. She fell onto her back, but before she could even try to get up, a red-socked foot pressed into her chest. Obsidian scowled down at her. 

“Oh, no you don’t,” he warned. “The rest of this house might’ve gone to shit, but  _ no one’s  _ touching Dad’s office. Never. No way.”

Irritated, Peridot struggled against his foot, which gave way a few inches. This kid was not very strong. “Ugh, I don’t have time for this!” Powered by rage, Peridot pushed off the floor and sent Obsidian stumbling back, but he quickly recovered and charged at her again. However, they were about the same size, which was skinny as pencils. What Peridot worried would be a full-scale wrestling match turned into Obsidian’s hand pushing against her cheek and her arms windmilling as she tried to get him into a headlock, then a slapping competition that left both of their cheeks stinging.

“You can’t do this! There are RULES!” Obsidian shrieked as Peridot clambered over him, reaching for the door handle. He almost hung from her shoulders as he tried to pull her back, but Peridot was going to do this whether he liked it or not.

“You don’t — understand — anything!” Peridot tried to hit him, but only grazed the top of his head. “I’m doing this for Amethyst!”

“Do anything  _ else  _ for Amethyst!”

“If Jade was drugged and locked in a stranger’s bathroom I DOUBT you would give a clod’s ass about RULES!”

The pressure lifted off her back quite suddenly. When Peridot looked back at Obsidian, he was looking at the ground. 

“Fine,” he grumbled, “but I’ll get it.”

And just like that he opened the office door, tiptoed across the embroidered Indian rug with his sock feet, selected a single paperclip from the dispenser, and returned. He held it out like a guilty child giving back something he stole, which in a way he was. 

“Go on,” he muttered.

Peridot thanked him quickly and ran off, past the kitchen (where she saw the last glimpse of Alexandrite chasing Malachite out the back door, swinging her umbrella) and back to the bathroom. By this point her hands shook so bad that it was hard to even straighten the paperclip, never mind slip it into the tiny keyhole and lever it against the push lock. It kept slipping and bending and it had just started to make her really mad when finally, she pushed against something solid and heard a click. 

Breathless, Peridot burst into the bathroom and stared. Amethyst was here. She was safe. Curled on the floor over a phone, barely moving, with the pungent stench of alcohol around her — but safe. She looked as if she could be asleep. Peridot dropped to her knees, cradled the girl’s head in her lap, and clutched her unresponsive hand. “Amethyst. Oh stars,  _ Amethyst. _ ”

For a few seconds, she just sat there, stroking Amethyst’s hair, thanking every god she’d ever prayed to that her friend was okay. At random times, her muscles clenched up and released as if she were trying to move, but couldn’t. Her eyes were open but she didn’t blink, didn’t seem to have the capacity to, so Peridot gently closed Amethyst’s eyelids and pressed a tender kiss to her forehead.

“Let’s get you home,” she whispered and checked Amethyst’s purse for her car keys. They were there (alongside a can of spray paint). It might be illegal for her to drive without an adult before she got her license, but Alexandrite seemed to be gone for good and statistically, with Peridot’s driving skills, it was a very low chance that she would be caught by the authorities. With all the strength Peridot had, she tried to pick Amethyst’s limp body off the ground.  _ Lift with the legs  _ came to mind but, considering that Peridot was skin and bones, this wasn’t as easy as it was made out to be.

She only managed to drag the unconscious girl a few feet before a honey-sweet voice called, “Need help, runt?”

Peridot’s subconscious recognized the voice almost before Peridot herself knew what to do, and as she spun around she couldn’t help but clutch Amethyst’s body close to her again. Sugilite leaned in the doorway, her muscled arms folded over her impressive, half-bared chest. The older girl was grinning.

“You like what you see?” Sugilite stood straight and took a step forward, causing Peridot to involuntarily pull Amethyst closer. “I don’t think we ever got properly  _ introduced. _ ”

“I know who you are,” was all Peridot could force out. Her mouth was sandpaper-dry, and in her arms, Amethyst’s head twitched. 

In response Sugilite’s lips stretched across her teeth again and she ran her hand through her violet-tinted hair.  _ Stars  _ that was attractive — and Peridot pulled her eyes away.  _ Look at Amethyst. Think.  _

“You know me, huh? Amethyst tell you about her  _ ‘evil ex’? _ ” Sugilite drawled and took another step closer. She was so tall she blocked out the bathroom light, shrouding her face and shapely body in shadow. “I didn’t think she was into tasteless nerds, but everyone’s got a kink. Hey, Peridot, how’s she treatin’ ya? She givin’ you that ‘asexual’ shit yet? C’mon baby, tell me, how far have you gone? What’s she let you do?”

“N- nothing!” cried Peridot despite telling herself that she wasn’t going to respond. The way they were trapped, she would have no choice. And Sugilite knew that.

“Exactly. You been dating her, what, a month?”

Peridot hesitated. “A month and nineteen days.”

“And you ain’t even gotten laid. That’s just unfair.”

Slowly, Sugilite leaned down and nudged Peridot’s cheek until their eyes met. Peridot could move hardly any more than the girl in her arms, not just because she was scared; regardless of fear or other repulsion, Sugilite had this certain allure. It stirred her up like a long makeout session with Amethyst, pulled her in like the unusually fragrant scent of whatever alcohol lingered on Sugilite’s lips. 

“Lemme ask you something, Peridot,” murmured Sugilite. “You know what a real relationship is? You ever had one? Me and Ame did. Almost. She said she’d give herself to me, all of her, ‘cuz that’s what a good girlfriend does. I gave up everything to keep her. I bought her flowers. I got her candy. I danced with her at parties. I put up with her fucking romance shit for five months and she was happy, but all of a sudden I say she’s mine and it’s over. Does that sound fair? How often do you go on her dumb little dates? And when does she give you back what you want?  _ Never.  _ It’s not fair, baby, that’s what.”

Peridot didn’t respond. She didn’t want to, but even if she had, she couldn’t. The last thing she wanted was to let Sugilite know she was right and she didn’t even know if she could prevent that.

Because Sugilite wasn’t wrong. Peridot had often wondered what would happen if, when they were making out, Amethyst let her go further. She couldn’t forget her own shame at feeling things about Amethyst. The guilty pleasure that might never be reciprocated. She wasn’t sure how to feel about that.

“That’s right,” Sugilite almost purred into Peridot’s ear. “Isn’t she just terrible? Beautiful and doesn’t wanna do anything with it. But she can’t make you stop now...can she?”

Though she had been paralyzed before, Peridot flinched at this. “W...what?”

Sugilite chuckled. “She can hear you now, ya know. She’ll feel it too. Maybe not in an hour or so; the drug peaks then. But when she wakes up tomorrow, all she’ll remember is calling her nerdy girlfriend to come and save her from the big bad Sugilite. And look at you — you’re at a grown-ups’ party on New Year’s Eve, who’s gonna stop you from having some fun? I’ll even help if you need it, give you a taste of this.”

There it was. The last thing she said had been tacked on as a footnote, but Peridot was sure now what Sugilite really meant by all this. There was something that she wanted to see and that was Amethyst being taken advantage of, even if it was by Peridot at first. Biting her lip, Peridot looked down at Amethyst, still partly sitting up by Peridot’s weak grip, her head drooping and her hip purse lying limply on the floor by her arm.

“And then you’ll let us go home?” Peridot asked.

Sugilite smiled wider. “Why’d you wanna leave when you can to do this?”

“You’re right,” she responded, her voice shaking just a bit, but she slapped on a smile and let Amethyst back down onto the floor. Her head lolled back, her inhibitions completely gone by now. “I should take advantage of the given situation.”

She could almost see the annoyance exuding from Sugilite as she probably thought something like  _ This girl is fuckin’ useless,  _ which was a correct estimation. But Sugilite didn’t say that, just cocked her hip and waited. “Great, whatever then. Get on with it.”

Peridot inhaled. She took a few seconds to adjust her position, straddling Amethyst’s hips in a way that allowed her easy reach to her chest area, and surveyed her unconscious girlfriend. Or perhaps conscious, if Sugilite was right. It did seem that Amethyst had regained at least partial awareness of her surroundings since her blackout, however slight; her eyelids had opened halfway again and she stared emptily back at Peridot. But this wasn’t Amethyst at all. She didn’t smile. She didn’t fight. She hardly breathed — when she did, it was long, automatic, slow. In a rush and a prayer —  _ please forgive me  _ — Peridot leaned down and shoved a sloppy kiss against Amethyst’s lips.

It wasn’t even a kiss. It was a performance, like making out with a mannequin, something that didn’t respond, or when it did, responded only with mute sighs and automatic muscular shifts. But it was working. Out of the corner of Peridot’s eye, she saw Sugilite tilt her head back in approval, and the older girl said something about going faster. Peridot moved her hands down to Amethyst’s shirt.

Her left hand pulled the purple fabric up for show, her right went for Amethyst’s purse.

Out of Sugilite’s sight, her fingers flicked the cap from a spray paint can.

Sugilite had been inching forward until then, when Peridot let go of Amethyst and shot to her feet to face her again. No amount of courage (or rage, or whatever this was) on Peridot’s part could hide that Peridot’s hands were shaky as hell, but no amount of evil intent on Sugilite’s part could hide that there was a full can of pressurized toxic paint less than two feet from her eyes. 

“Get AWAY from her!” Peridot screamed.

It was hardly a victory speech, hardly eloquent, but she got her point across and Sugilite took a step back. In response, Peridot took two steps forward. The older girl’s face flicked through fear, then anger, then shifted into clearly feigned confidence.

“H...hey...calm it down, baby, you were havin’ fun — ”

“Shut up! Just — SHUT UP!” Peridot could have pressed the nozzle then, she was so mad; she could feel her face heating up and her teeth grinding just like the orthodontist had told her not to, but she didn’t care. “She is NOT property for us to take and use at our leisure, so get the FUCK away from her — yes, you clod, you and all your BULLSHIT!  _ LEAVE — AMETHYST — ALONE!” _

She kept advancing on Sugilite until she had the older girl pressed against the wall, the spray nozzle still trained on her face. Peridot actually didn’t know if or how much it would hurt to be spritzed in the eyes with paint, but Sugilite apparently didn’t know either because she seemed to be taking Peridot seriously now. Her eyes darted between Peridot and the door.  _ She  _ was scared now —  _ ha! _

Footsteps thundered up the hall and three people appeared; Obsidian, with his fists clenched; Jade, holding a baseball bat; and a hulking Indian boy who she assumed was Basalt, also with fists up. “The fuck is this?” demanded Basalt over something unimportant that Obsidian had said.

This really wasn’t helpful and Peridot wasn’t good at thinking on her feet, but she knew there were ways to turn this around. Somewhere. Maybe she’d get lucky. “Stay back!” she snarled, thrusting out the spray paint closer to Sugilite’s face. “Or I’ll spray her — ah — and I’ll call the police!”

Peridot had just remembered her phone in her pocket and whipped it out with her free hand, even turning it on to show that she was serious. A few more teens had begun accumulating in the hallway; Peridot glared at them too. Basalt, Obsidian, and Jade all looked to Sugilite. So did Peridot. Finally, after a silence that stank of nervous teens and spilt beer, Sugilite’s scowl melted into shameful resignation. 

“Listen to her,” she surrendered, slumping against the wall.

Victory rushed through Peridot’s trembling body. She’d done it — Sugilite had surrendered, Peridot had control of the party, Amethyst was going to be okay. “Thank you. Now get her out of my sight, I don’t want to see her from the time Amethyst and I leave this bathroom and the time we drive away,” Peridot directed the order towards Basalt, who directed it back towards a group of his friends. Fortunately, Sugilite didn’t seem to want to be in the Spotlight of Shame and in danger of Peridot’s mighty spray can any longer than she had to, and stomped away with Basalt’s friends without a second glance back at Peridot or Amethyst.

With the drama clearly over, the bystanders filtered out until it was just Basalt, Obsidian, and Jade staring in various states of awe at the battle-weary Peridot in the bathroom. 

“The Muslim lady with the umbrella,” stated Basalt, “is she, uh...with you?”

“I have no idea,” replied Peridot truthfully. 

“She broke a cupboard, two chairs, and probably Malachite’s nose.” Obsidian folded his arms. 

“Er...no, she’s not with me.”

Basalt glanced down at Amethyst. “D’you...need help?” 

Peridot was going to say yes, but after recent events, she wasn’t keen on the idea of a stranger carrying Amethyst into the dark of night. So — with strength she didn’t know she had, which she certainly hadn’t had a few minutes ago — she did it herself. It took a couple rounds of trial and error to find the optimal lifting position, but finally Peridot tucked her arms under Amethyst’s shoulders and knees quite easily to carry her bridal-style. 

“I will handle this my own damn self, thank you very much,” she said coldly.

She did allow little Jade and Obsidian to carry Amethyst’s things to the car and unlock it once they got there, but told them to scat as she lay Amethyst in the backseat and fastened the seatbelt over her waist. In her drugged haze, the girl shivered, so Peridot lay her aviator’s jacket over her exposed arms. 

It took her a few minutes to decode the significantly older car. The steering was a little less predictable than what she was used to, the acceleration and deceleration tilted towards slow speeds, and the slick roads made everything difficult, but overall it wasn’t much different than driving the Yellowtails’ ancient boat of a van. Traffic was currently minimal (except for a glimpse of two people chasing each other across the street, one of whom was wielding an umbrella) so Peridot took Amethyst’s car on a quick test drive around the block to get a better handle on the controls. It wouldn’t do to be pulled over. It wasn’t likely, but at this time of night on New Year’s, police were probably a little more prevalent on the street. That wouldn’t look good — driving without a license, underage, in a car that wasn’t hers and with a drugged girl in the backseat.

Again she considered the effects of simply taking Amethyst back to the Yellowtails’ house. The babysitter certainly wouldn’t know what to do and might freak out if she knew that Peridot had snuck out. Vidalia would be so disappointed. And Amethyst might never trust her again — she might even break up with Peridot. No...no, she had to do this. She could do this.

“I’ll be fine,” she said aloud. Just because she had a bad feeling about it didn’t mean it would go wrong. Anxiety could be motivating after all; a feature, not a bug. 

At the neighborhood entrance, she turned right onto Paz Road. 

.

According to studies on date rape drugs, Rohypnol is one of the most powerful in suppressing memory — so much so that it has gotten the reputation as the “forget-me pill”. It takes as little as a few minutes to set in and has immediate effects for about eight hours, peaking at two. Under the influence of Rohypnol, some people black out for the full eight hours, others experience severe drowsiness and lack of inhibitions similar to drunkenness. And none of them remember any of it.

Amethyst could never explain why, for thirty seconds, it didn’t work.

She couldn’t remember when she started to remember, exactly; and every time she talked it through she could never sort out what she had seen first. There was her own warm car, the light freezing rain pattering on the windows, the gentle  _ swish, swish  _ of the windshield wipers, the purr of the engine. Diagonal from her, Peridot sat in the driver’s seat, pale slender fingers clamped around the steering wheel. Something yellow glinted off her glasses.

_ Yellow. _

There were the wavering twin headlights, the roar of the other car, the rocking nausea as adrenaline tried to push through the drug in Amethyst’s head. The sudden, crystal clear realization that  _ cars shouldn’t move that fast in that lane _ . And it was so, so quiet; Peridot didn’t make a sound as she hit the brakes and tried to move right.

There wasn’t a sound when the other car hit, or maybe there was too much. Maybe they rolled over. Maybe the windows shattered on impact, or maybe when they stopped in the ditch.

Amethyst couldn’t remember that part.

The airbags had gone off on the passenger side but not the driver’s; that side of the car was gone and the rain was getting in. Peridot’s limp body hung over her still-fastened seatbelt, her glasses askew, her face glistening. There was something dark there, it stood out so terribly against the blinding lights of the other car that was too close and Amethyst couldn’t help but think again and again and again how the other car was like a monster, looming over a girl who was only half-alive, waiting to finish her off. She could never handle it, and she wishes this was the thing she forgot, because there was nothing she could do. 

The radio clock was cracked but the numbers still moved, red and flickering when she blinked. That’s the last thing she remembered.

_ 12:00 AM.  _


	16. Young and Beautiful

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> \- Young and Beautiful — Lana Del Rey -
> 
> "Dear Lord, when I get to heaven,  
> Please let me bring my man  
> When he comes tell me that you'll let him  
> Father tell me if you can"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> funny story: it's 1:30 AM in my timezone and my google search bar still contains the abstract search "legs of the bone" and i'm pretty sure this is chock full of similarly embarrassing typos, but i am a woman of honor. this damn chapter's up whether you like it or not.

_“...tests...negative...as far as we know.”_

A pressure pounded behind Amethyst’s head, something that felt like a balloon being slowly inflated inside her skull. With every syllable of the voice beyond, the pain pulsed more, the balloon bulged.

Maybe that was an awfully specific simile. But making shit similes was better than focusing on the feeling itself, or any number of the other things that were wrong here, like the sweaty plastic thing on her face or a strange prick in her right arm or the awful nausea that came when she tried to sit up. _Ugh._ Grimacing despite the plastic thing, she gripped the closest thing to her hands, which happened to be an unfamiliar cotton sheet. That was nice, at least.

Reluctantly, Amethyst forced open her eyes and took in her blurred surroundings. A hospital room, or a mental ward, or maybe just a shifty-looking hotel...with blue privacy curtains and IV drips and oxygen masks (that thing on her face). No, this was definitely a hospital room. The lights were turned down in this portion of the room, which was kind on her headache, but she could still see the lights beyond the curtain and vague shadows of people who stood out there.

“Hello?” she tried. Her mouth was sandpaper-dry and the oxygen mask made talking weird, but she managed.

The voice outside stopped talking. Then the curtain pulled back, revealing the strange group of Pearl, Vidalia, and a middle-aged Indian woman in a doctor’s coat. _Probably the doctor,_ Amethyst reasoned.

While Pearl and Vidalia stood to the side, the doctor pulled a chair up to Amethyst’s beside and sat down with a clipboard. “Hello, Amethyst,” she said slowly, “my name is Dr. Maheswaran. I will be taking care of you today. May I ask you a few questions?”

Amethyst looked back at her. The doctor had a few streaks of grey in her hair, but her face didn’t appear old. Dully, Amethyst nodded.

“Thank you. First, can you tell me your full name?”

It took some seconds to get the strength and open her mouth again, but she eventually replied, “Amatista Altagracia Espina.”

“All right. How old are you?”

“F...sixteen.”

“Can you tell me your home address?”

She did.

“Thank you. How many fingers am I holding up?”

She was holding up two — they were blurry and Amethyst couldn’t quite focus on them, but she guessed and got it right.

“Before now, what is the last thing you can remember?”

Something made her flinch; she wasn’t quite sure what, but it ended with her looking momentarily to Pearl. This was a loaded question. The last thing she could remember wasn’t supposed to be known by any one of these three adults, or any of these adults for that matter. Dr. Maheswaran followed her gaze and nodded.

“Amethyst, I understand that you may feel ashamed in answering this, but for your own health, I need you to tell me everything you know.”

Amethyst hesitated and looked down at the tube in her arm. “I snuck out,” she murmured, her voice hoarse. “I took my car and I went to Basalt’s house for a party. It was...Malachite’s. And I went inside and down to the party, and I saw Malachite and started to talk to her, and…”

And...she couldn’t remember. Amethyst furrowed her brow as she tried to think of what happened next, but it was like a word on the tip of her tongue. As far as she reached for it, she couldn’t get it, and it only served to deepen her headache.

“Is that all?” asked Dr. Maheswaran.

“No.” That wasn’t a lie. She knew there was something more, but she couldn’t remember. Two somethings more, one out of reach, one just around the corner, but she was too tired.

“Do you recall eating or drinking anything at the party?”

“I...I don’t know. I think I might have...um...yeah, I did. Some pop.”

“Did you leave the pop unattended at any time?”

She couldn’t remember. “Um...I dunno.”

“That’s fine, Amethyst. It might be difficult to remember for a while or you might never remember, but please rest assured that you are safe now.”

“What happened?”

Dr. Maheswaran didn’t reply for a second as wrote something down on her clipboard, then she put down her pen and looked Amethyst in the eye. “Last night, at the party, either your friend Malachite or another party guest tricked you into taking a sedative called Rohypnol. According to eyewitness accounts, you hid in a restroom before you could pass out and called a friend to pick you up.”

Oh. Amethyst found Pearl staring at her, biting her lower lip, so she looked down at the tube in her arm again. Her hands were visibly shaking but she couldn’t feel it. “Did I get…?”

She didn’t even need to say the word. “As I was telling your guardian Pearl and Mrs. Yellowtail, we performed a series of examinations when you were admitted to the hospital. You have some mild bruises around the wrists and neck, but you seem to have escaped any...further assault.”

Amethyst didn’t respond immediately. Her eyes followed the tube in her arm up to its bag, holding a yellowish liquid and hanging from a rack. She was dressed in a papery hospital gown and had a hospital wristband on her hand, bearing her full name and other things that were too foreign to read right now. Someone had taken off her contact lenses for her, she mused quietly, and began to play with the wristband instead.

“I’m not feeling good,” she murmured. Though that should have been obvious, since she was in a hospital. “My head hurts.”

“I’ll have a nurse escort you to the restroom, and then we’ll let you rest some more,” said the doctor softly. “Would you like to speak with your guardian?”

Amethyst hesitated, locked eyes with Pearl, and then shook her head. She didn’t think she was ready for that yet. “N...no. Um. What’s your name again? Sorry.”

“It’s fine, Amethyst. My name is Dr. Maheswaran.”

Dr. Maheswaran called a nurse, who helped Amethyst into a wheelchair and took her to a bathroom. Even though Amethyst was normally self-conscious, she didn’t protest when she needed help. The nurse was very kind in helping her stand, clean herself up, and flush. Sometime between relieving herself and washing her hands, the walls began to bend inwards and the floor wobbled underneath her, and when she tried vomiting into the sink, she missed. Once back in the wheelchair she leaned her head back and closed her eyes.

This was awful, but she was so tired that she hardly cared.

.

At last Amethyst woke up nicely, in a quiet hospital room where sunlight filtered through blue curtains that weren’t hers. There was a sweaty plastic thing on her face and a tube in her right arm and she was wearing a hospital gown and a bracelet, and her head felt like there was a balloon in it...or something. “Hello?” she tried. Her mouth was sandpaper-dry and the oxygen mask made talking weird, but she managed.

She hadn’t even noticed her but there was a petite brunette nurse in the room doing something with a rack that held a bag. An...IV? “Oh, good morning, Amethyst,” said the nurse cheerfully and came to her side. “How do you feel?”

Amethyst frowned. She noticed several discolored splotches around her trembling wrists, like someone large had squeezed them until she bruised. “What happened? Where am I?”

The nurse — she couldn’t be much older than Pearl — lost her cheerful expression for a moment before pulling it up again. “You’re in the hospital and you’ve just been asleep. You woke up about three hours ago and Dr. Maheswaran visited you, but you might not remember.”

Dr. ...Maheswaran. Now that she mentioned it, the information did ring a bell. Despite the tube in her arm, Amethyst rubbed her eyes.

“Why am I in the hospital again?”

The nice young nurse repeated what Dr. Maheswaran had said. Amethyst also learned that her name was Joy, that she was pregnant, and that her favorite color was green.

“My favorite color’s green too,” Amethyst blurted — she had been doing a lot of blurting lately for no apparent reason at all, which was how she had started asking about Joy’s personal life. Her headache had also begun to recede which made talking easier.

Joy gave her a small smile as she went around doing nurse things, like checking any number of the weird things attached to Amethyst by tubes and helping her into a wheelchair. “That’s cool! I thought it would purple, because, you know, your hair.”

“Oh, hehe, yeah. It used to be. My girlfriend’s favorite color is green. Or maybe it’s purple now, I think she said she changed it.”

“Girlfriend?” Joy seemed surprised, but not offended. That was okay.

“Yeah, she’s super nerdy and sweet and pretty and the best person in the world. I mean, not best as in, like, overall; she used to be a jerk, but she’s grown so much and she’s perfect now. I wish you could meet her. I…” Amethyst glanced down at her lap as a pang of loneliness hit her, as Peridot’s face flashed across her mind’s eye. “I wish she was here.”

“I’ll let your guardians know that you want to see her,” said Joy gently. “Alright, time to go.”

Again (?) Joy guided her through using the bathroom, cleaned her up (she had drooled inside her oxygen mask), and wheeled her back to her room. It was nice now because she could get from her chair to the bed without feeling too dizzy, thought the nausea still stayed. She threw up a bit in a tray and Joy had her sip ice water.

“I wanna go back to sleep,” she said without her brain’s permission. She didn’t really. She just didn’t want to be conscious, didn’t want to have to think. Whatever drug Malachite had given her, she wanted more of it.

But she didn’t say that. Joy let her go back to sleep.

.

She didn’t sleep.

She wanted to, oh stars she wanted to, but by now, she was so fixated on her headache that it was hard to do anything but lay there in misery and think of it. Her stomach simultaneously whined for food and protested any last vestiges of matter left in it. Dimly, she reflected that it felt like the worst hangover of her life. _Had_ she been drunk? What had she done? How had she gotten here — had she driven herself, had Pearl found her at the party, had she called a friend? How had she gotten to the hospital? What did Joy tell her? What did Dr. Maheswaran tell her — whoever Dr. Maheswaran was?

It was all so confusing and frustrating and Amethyst just wanted to scream, but she didn’t because Joy thought she was sleeping. Bunching up the sheets in her fists gave some solace. Until, at least, her hands started to shake from fatigue, which was after quite a short time and actually very pathetic. Her body was just that worn down, wasn’t it? _What a piece of garbage,_ Amethyst thought, _I should bring it back for a refund._ _Can’t even handle half a spiked drink. I’ve ruined everything._

It was by this point that she guessed she was falling asleep because her thoughts made no sense now. Part of her wanted to die. Part of her wanted to eat a cloud. She didn’t even know where the second idea came from. At one point she even thought she saw something roaming around her room. So she gave into it, she lay flat on her back and let the weird thoughts roam. It was better than thinking about anything else.

She wasn’t actually sure if she fell asleep, but the next thing she knew, there was someone in her room again and one of them smelled strongly of smoke. _Garnet._ But…she’d had work. Maybe she’d left early. Either way it didn’t bode well for Amethyst, so she kept pretending to be asleep and hoped that everyone would go away.

“She’s asleep now,” she heard a vaguely familiar voice whisper — ah, right, Dr. Maheswaran. Garnet didn’t buy it.

“Amethyst only sleeps on her side or stomach. If she’s on her back, she’s pretending.”

“Oh,” Dr. Maheswaran said. Amethyst swore in her head.

“Hello, Amethyst,” Garnet deadpanned.

Wearily, Amethyst sat up and rubbed her eyes. Garnet and Dr. Maheswaran were there, yes, but also Joy and Pearl. Pearl, makeupless and wrapped in an oversized denim shirt, looked like she hadn’t slept for a week and held Amethyst’s gaze a little too long before drawing back into herself again. Garnet was unreadable behind her glasses.

“We found from Miss Sun that Amethyst had been given the Rohypnol at around 11:15 PM, so during that last five-minute window, we administered to her activated charcoal to remove as much of the drug as we could,” explained Dr. Maheswaran, looking mostly to Garnet. “She has been under careful monitoring since. But for the past seven hours since she first regained consciousness, she’s mostly rested. Overall she has been recovering exceptionally well.”

Garnet looked down at her and Amethyst realized her hands were shaking again. A side effect of the drug, probably. Her headache was back with a vengeance. She couldn’t even pull at her hospital band anymore because the bruises on her wrists were too tender — she thought she knew now who had caused them; who else would throw a fake party just to drug a sixteen-year-old? Amethyst wanted to ask Dr. Maheswaran to get Garnet and Pearl out of here, let her sleep again, anything except face this conversation, but she found it impossible to open her mouth.

“With the oxygen supplements, she should be perfectly stable,” the doctor continued, “so we’ll let you have some time alone. Let us know if there’s any trouble; Amethyst, tell us if you feel faint of breath or need to use the restroom.”

And with that Dr. Maheswaran and Nurse Joy stepped out of the room, leaving Amethyst with Pearl and Garnet. The hum of the oxygen tank sounded very loud in the silence.

“How much,” Amethyst’s voice cracked from disuse, “how much does Steven know?”

Standing at the foot of Amethyst’s bed, Garnet folded her arms and looked down. Pearl glanced nervously at her before folding her hands and answering. “Well…we told him that…sometimes, there are bad people who hurt other people, and give them substances to make them forget about it. And that something like that had…had happened to you. Ruby and Sapphire are home with him.”

Amethyst looked down at her shaking hands. When she looked up again, Garnet was still watching her behind the glasses, seemingly unsympathetic. “I know what you’re going to say,” said Amethyst bitterly. _If she ever says it._ “I fucked up, I know. I’m in a hospital bed and I threw up twice and I probably lost my virginity last night. I won’t sneak out again. I’m probably grounded until college.”

“You were stupid,” added Garnet — but then she took off her sunglasses. Behind the dark lenses were two eyes red from crying, still glittering now, and which held Amethyst’s gaze like there was nothing else she’d rather see. “And it wasn’t your fault.”

Amethyst was quiet.

“Peridot and Alexandrite told us everything,” Garnet continued quietly, gripping her glasses in her lap. “I should never have let Malachite get close to you, even for that time; Ruby was right. I should have been more careful.”

“I wish you had called us,” Pearl whispered. “We could have picked you up, and then maybe you wouldn’t have…” She trailed off, breathless, and Amethyst used the opportunity to cut in.

“I don’t remember anything that happened. I don’t know who picked me up, I don’t know how I got here, but I do know that I didn’t call you. If I had, you would’ve just yelled at me. I’m scared, alright? Maybe — maybe then I was scared that you’d be disappointed in me, after I’d come SO FAR just to fall back again. I HATE the thought of you looking at me like — like the first time Sugilite tried to rape me, I don’t want you to know that I’m just that big of a fucking failure to have it happen again.”

Pearl had her hand over her mouth. Garnet’s lips parted, but she said nothing.

Over the cold and silence of it all, Amethyst felt first the tears beginning to sting in her eyes and then their paths down her cheeks. “That’s who it was, right? Sugilite? What did she do to me?”

Garnet blinked twice. “The first time?”

“God, I forgot! Yeah, the first time. The first time when you grounded me because she had a dislocated jaw and I just had a bloody lip, the first time when you said ‘no but’s and started looking up juvie halls and counselors. You didn’t even LISTEN, of COURSE you don’t know that she stuck her hand up my shirt, because that’s all I am to you — a fuckup who gets what she asks for and doesn’t know when to stop asking.”

Her voice wobbled, her nose was runny, and she was getting unbearably shaky, but Amethyst didn’t care. Over a year’s worth of anger spilled on the floor between her guardians and her hospital bed and she didn’t care. She squeezed her eyes shut and jerked her head, letting loose a layer of hair to fall in her face.

Then a gentle hand rested on her shoulder. Not striking, not pulling, just...touching. And when Amethyst looked up, Garnet leaned over the side of the bed and took the young girl into a hug.

“I don’t care if you’ve run to the edge of the earth,” the woman told her. “No matter what, you’re still our little Amethyst. You are still worthy of respect and fair treatment. You didn’t ask for this, either this time or the first or any after that. If we ever made you feel like you did, we’re sorry. I...we hope you can forgive us.”

A second pair of arms wrapped around her shoulders — Pearl.

“That’s not to say there won’t still be consequences,” she put in, typical of Pearl, “but — oh, Amethyst, we had no idea you were...oh…”

“Scared of you?” finished Amethyst.

Pearl’s hug shifted. “I’m sorry.”

“We both are,” Garnet added. “We’re just glad you’re okay.”

It was, Amethyst reflected, a stretch to say ‘okay’. “I’m hungover in a hospital room.”

“But you’re safe,” Pearl hummed.

They let her go and when they retreated, all three wore small smiles — even Amethyst. “Next time you get yourself in hot water, call us. Please,” continued Pearl. “And we’ll do all we can to make sure you’re safe. It’s what Rose would have done.”

It was official, they were making her cry now, even if it was happy crying. There was just so much of it bunched up in Amethyst’s chest, so much relief and disbelief in what she was hearing, and she let it all out in a wet, snotty, teary sob. She even started to laugh.

“Thank you,” was all she could say for a long time. “Thank you, thank you, thank you.”

They hugged her again. Then she asked —

“How did you find me?”

— and Pearl and Garnet’s smiles faded.

.

It was hardest to sleep that night.

There was the fact that she had slept almost a full night in just that one day, but as Garnet and Pearl reluctantly told her, she began to find what she had been looking for. It came back in small pieces at first. Only from a certain space in time. Waking up in the backseat of her own car, the rain, a girl’s silhouette in the driver’s seat. And she remembered it like the other car had hit them — suddenly, mercilessly, even as much as she willed for it to stop. The breaking glass. A violent descent.

And Peridot.

Despite the tubes in her body, Amethyst tossed in her bed. It didn’t matter that Joy or Dr. Maheswaran came back every few minutes to check the tubes and remind her how they were keeping her alive; Amethyst forgot what they did anyway besides hold her down like puppet strings. Strings like these were all that kept her from breaking loose and running and taking the stairs one level down to the postoperative rooms.

She ended up not sleeping much at all, instead turning on the TV across from her bed and losing herself in Food Network reruns. It didn’t soothe her headache, but the pattern of dumb commercials and chefs yelling at other chefs was enough to keep her sated until the night nurse, Macy, checked in and made her lie down again.

 _3:31 A.M._ When Amethyst checked the clock again, it was 3:58. Then 4:11. Then — okay, 8:55. Huh. She did feel infinitely better now; her limbs had stopped vibrating and she could see a little clearer. As soon as she found control of her body again she called for either Macy or Joy, she wasn’t sure how nurse shifts work. It was Macy. While Amethyst waited, impatiently tapping her finger on the bed’s armrest, the nurse did some basic checks, removed her IV and oxygen mask, let her use the bathroom, fed her some toast and applesauce, and went to confirm with the coordinators or someone that Amethyst’s requested visit was okay. Everything took _forever_ (twenty minutes).

But after forever, Amethyst finally got the go ahead. She was in such a hurry that as soon as she sat down, she tried to spin her wheelchair’s wheels by herself, but bumped into the door and let Macy push her the rest of the way.

And finally they stopped and a door opened and there she was.

Peridot sat up in bed, breathing. Alive. Her unkempt bleached hair fell down over her face as she read the book in her lap. Just like Amethyst, she wore a hospital gown, and she didn’t have an oxygen mask but many other tubes protruded from places where tubes should not have been. One in an IV on her right arm, another from a strange case around her left arm, and another from…

Amethyst swallowed.

“Peridot? You have a visitor,” announced Macy kindly and pushed Amethyst to Peridot’s bedside.

For a moment Amethyst was almost scared to meet her girlfriend’s eyes, but then she did and saw the joy behind Peridot’s broken glasses. Her smile, all toothy and bedazzled with braces and just so _happy_ , could have powered a few cities. “Amethyst!” she beamed, and the hand tied by the IV reached out for Amethyst’s before her wheelchair stopped rolling. Her skin was cold, but soft. Well cared for.

“Dammit, Peridot,” Amethyst swore despite the nurse’s presence — she was bursting with happiness again. “What happened to — ”

“I’ll tell you later.” Peridot pulled her hand away from Amethyst’s and up to her face, wiping away a tear and cupping her cheek into her palm. “Kiss me now.”

Amethyst blinked. “Here?”

Peridot pulled away a fraction of an inch. “Only if you want.”

Amethyst pulled her back.

Maybe it was an awfully specific preference, but Amethyst decided that she liked this very much — kissing her girlfriend after a hellish day and night of waiting while hungover from Rohypnol, after a car crash, with one of them in a wheelchair and the other in a hospital bed. It was the type of thing that felt sweeter because she’d been patient, because Peridot was safe, because she was simply so happy that they could be there alive and breathing and together. (Also Peridot put some tongue into it so that helped too.)

When they parted, the nurse smirked and mouthed “I’ll give you some alone time”. That was fine. Amethyst turned back to her girlfriend.

“A’ight, you’re telling me now,” she said, and stroked the edge of a giant band-aid in the center of Peridot’s forehead. “What happened?”

“That was where a piece of debris struck, presumably glass,” Peridot responded and reached up to pull Amethyst’s hand away from the band-aid. She pressed her lips against Amethyst’s palm instead. “I didn’t require stitches but I may have a scar there.”

“I can kiss it better,” Amethyst offered. Peridot shook her head.

“Due to the amount of bacteria in a human mouth, I doubt my doctors would approve. I’ll take another mouth one, though.”

Amethyst gladly obliged, then, still bursting with curiosity, said, “Keep going, keep going.”

“When the other guy hit us, his front fender basically crushed the left side of my body. My ulna — one of the bones in my arm — snapped and caused internal bleeding, so they’re draining that out. I’ll have a cast for a couple months.”

“Yikes. That’s your dominant hand, too.”

“It’s not so bad,” Peridot shrugged and reached for something on her bedside table. It was a plastic grey box small enough to fit in her hand, an old tape recorder. “Pearl and Garnet gave me this from Steven. As primitive as it is, I’ve found it’s adequate to replace my log books until I regain use of my left hand.”

“Huh.” Amethyst leaned forward on the armrests and glanced down to Peridot’s leg, silently asking her to continue.

“Yeah. And...that,” Peridot sighed, pushing her free hand through her hair as she looked down at her left leg. A handspan below her knee, the limb was gone. White bandages covered the stump and a small tube stuck out from under the wrappings. “I want to say it’s not as bad as it looks, but…”

She let out a breathy laugh.

“It’s...pretty bad. Like I said, the other guy crushed the left side of me, and somehow it was so hard on my foot and ankle that they couldn’t be salvaged. Vidalia tried to find any other way around it but this was the only option that my insurance covered. So last night we...cut it off.”

Adjusting her broken glasses, Peridot shrugged and looked away from her amputated limb. It ached, god, it hurt so bad to see all of this that Amethyst just wanted to sweep Peridot up and hold her and — hey, maybe just reverse time altogether. And it was a silly question, but Amethyst had to ask. “Do you miss it?”

“It was just a foot,” Peridot said at first. Then she met Amethyst’s eyes and her face fell. “Y...yeah. I know there was nothing I could have done, but...I don’t feel whole anymore. It’s not that it matters to me if I’m whole, but I don’t know if it matters to others...and I’m scared. Of how I’ll get by like this.”

Silence fell between them, warmed only by Peridot’s ashen-white hand between Amethyst’s deep brown ones.

Then Amethyst couldn’t take it anymore.

“Peri, I’m...sorry. I don’t know what to say. But this was my fault. Anything you need, whatever it is, I’ll do it, I’ll make it up to you. I’m so sorry.”

“No. No, just stop,” Peridot murmured, gripping Amethyst’s fingers tighter. “I don’t want you to tell me sorry for something you didn’t do. None of this was your fault.”

Amethyst’s eyes prickled. “So you’re not...mad at me?”

“Honestly I’m surprised you still like me.”

“Of course I still like you,” Amethyst responded, confused. “I’m not going to change just because you lost your leg.”

“Well, then, neither will I!”

They stared at each other completely seriously for a few seconds, and then leaned in again for a kiss.

There really was no other way to end the squabble so both girls seemed to reason Why Not, and it’s said that actions speak louder than words anyway. And for quite a while they just stayed there, holding each other across the space formed by a hospital bed and a wheelchair, pressing tiny kisses to the other’s cheeks.

“I haven’t taken it back,” Peridot murmured. “I’m not giving up on you.”

Her fragile hand stroked Amethyst’s hair, her lips brushed Amethyst’s cheek, and Amethyst took a deep breath out.

“Thank you,” she whispered. Peridot’s one response was to hold her closer.

All was well.


	17. Roman Holiday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> \- Roman Holiday — Halsey -
> 
> "And we know that we're headstrong  
> And our heart's gone  
> And the timing's never right  
> But for now let's get away  
> On a Roman holiday"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS IS ACTUALLY JUST ONE LONG CONVERSATION, and the quality looks kind of like a parabola where "a" is less than 0

By the time three days had gone by, Amethyst had thought five million times that the hospital was too cold. Fortunately, Peridot was a good remedy for that. 

That morning (Sunday), Dr. Maheswaran had declared the young amputee free from the IV, catheters, and little drainage pipes that had prevented her from doing basically everything, and for the first time since the crash, Amethyst watched Peridot stand up on her own. Well, “on her own” was a stretch — she had crutches, a physical therapist named Rainbow Quartz, and a wheelchair nearby just in case, and she only hopped a couple feet from the bed because she couldn’t hold the crutches with her arm cast anyway. But it was still something. With Peridot’s permission, Amethyst even Snapchatted the event and captioned it “ _ my strong girl, first step of many <3”. _

After that and lunch (hospital food was surprisingly good), Amethyst asked for more visiting time with Peridot and subsequently climbed up into her bed. Even if Amethyst was 99% recovered and once again had the agility of a puma, it helped that all the tubes and stuff were out of the way. “Are you...sure you’re allowed to do that?” Peridot asked — typical. Some things never changed.

Meanwhile Amethyst was busy situating herself next to her girlfriend, pulling the stiff white blanket over both of their bodies. Yesterday, Pearl had brought pajama clothes for Amethyst to wear instead of the thin hospital gown, but Peridot hadn’t been allowed to change yet. On that thought Amethyst let the smaller girl have more blanket. 

“I never ask that question until after I’ve done something,” she responded promptly. “Besides, it’s not like I can mess anything up. Your leg’s over there.”

“Mmm.” Peridot didn’t argue much more. 

Instead she welcomed Amethyst’s presence in her bed, nestling her head on her shoulder and accepting the earbud that Amethyst inserted into her ear. They already had a system for whenever they cuddled while listening through earbuds — if Peridot was on the left and Amethyst on the right like now, Peri had the left earbud and Ame had the right. The cord was barely long enough to stretch like that. But that way, they could both listen to music while keeping their open ears close, blocking outside noises but not preventing them from talking to each other. It was a cute system, Amethyst remarked, and very romantic in her opinion.

“What are you in the mood for today?” Amethyst asked and began to scroll through her music library. She had an entire dubstep playlist just for Peridot and was ready to press that, but then her girlfriend shrugged.

“I dunno. Shuffle it.”

So Amethyst did. Halsey’s  _ Roman Holiday  _ began to play in her right ear and she pressed a kiss to Peridot’s cheek.

“Hey,” she crooned. “This is one of the Orchesis songs.”

Peridot didn’t respond. Amethyst nudged her. 

“You still thinkin’ about it?”

The school dance performance had recently resurfaced in her mind, as one of the shirts Pearl had brought was her Orchesis t-shirt from last year’s show. Amethyst was confident that she would still be able to participate in it even with the gross party on her rap sheet, since the doctors had found no trace of alcohol in her system and the Rohypnol hadn’t been consumed voluntarily. Sure, she might get a talking to and might miss the next practice, but she could dance. Peridot was a different story. Despite herself, Amethyst glanced at their blanket-covered feet, saw only three, and bit her lip.

“No,” Peridot dismissed. Obviously she was thinking the same thing. “I can’t dance anyway.”

“No, no,” Amethyst insisted, “I know that; you don’t have to  _ dance.  _ You said you were thinking about tech though.”

Peridot pushed her glasses up her nose. The left lens was broken into five pieces and the right into two, but she insisted on wearing them until she could get a replacement. “Tech crew requires  _ time,  _ Amethyst. It might not be as rigorous as yours, but you can transport yourself. If Vidalia can’t pick me up, I’m stuck at school.”

“Hey, I’ll be there — ”

“Not for the first rehearsals; I asked. Our first run-throughs are tech only. And the ones with the dancers require us to stay even longer than you, so unless you want to stay until one A.M. each night of tech week, I doubt either you or Vidalia can take me home.”

“Wait, I thought you were gonna be sixteen?”

The little nerd peered at her through her shattered glasses, a wry smile on her lips. “I’m an underage driver who just got T-boned by a Ford pickup while driving virtually alone, past curfew, AND without a valid license. I’m not driving again until I’m eighteen.”

Amethyst winced — she hadn’t thought of that. “Sorry.”

“Don’t be. I made the decision, not you.”

She said it so factually, so dismissively that for whatever reason, it was hard for Amethyst to think that she was being serious about it. But she  _ was,  _ she’d just accepted it and moved on. Didn’t fight it or miss anything. “But...that means no Quartz Club.”

Peridot furrowed her brow.

“No motorcycles,” Amethyst elaborated. “We won’t be able to ride together over the summer.”

“I doubt I would be able to ride a motorcycle without a left foot anyway,” replied Peridot dryly, and cracked a laugh probably just to show Amethyst that she meant nothing ill by that. “No, it’s fine. We can still do it — you just need one of those passenger seats, and I can wrap my arms around you from behind like you’re an action movie hero and I’m your sexy sidekick.”

Amethyst snorted. “Really put thought into this, didn’t you?”

“I have dreams too,” Peridot sniffed and snuggled more into Amethyst’s shoulder. Her meager weight was warm enough to combat the chill of the hospital room, especially as she turned onto her side and wrapped her arms around Amethyst. She added, smirking, “I’ll even wear a bikini and butt shorts.”

The idea of Peridot in such showy clothing was so ridiculous that Amethyst snorted again. The girl was skin and bones; there wouldn’t be anything to show. “You weren’t kidding about being horny on your period. I wouldn’t get much out of it you know, but go for it, dude. It’s the thought that counts.”

“Nyehehehehe,” her girlfriend laughed dorkily (was that even a word?), causing the words  _ oh my god she’s so cute  _ to run through Amethyst’s mind. In response, Amethyst ruffled her messy hair. It was growing out, flopping over her ears and showing hints of black at the roots. 

“I’m not even on my period,” Peridot continued. “I just think you’re really great and I wanna do anything to make you happy. Even…”

Her voice slipped into a low whisper, as if she had just thought of something sad. Even her playful hug stiffened. 

“Even if that’s stepping back.”

Amethyst frowned at the sudden change in tone and touched Peridot’s cheek, tilting her girlfriend’s face up so their eyes could meet. As an afternote, she pulled out her earbud. “Hey Periwinkle. Talk to me. What’s eatin’ you?” 

Peridot smiled at “Periwinkle” but then closed her eyes and nestled back onto Amethyst’s shoulder. “At the party, I went in to get you and Sugilite stopped me. She told me that when she and you had been dating, you promised her that you would eventually have sex with her, but changed your mind, and that’s why she wanted to…um…you know, and then she said it was unfair. And she tried to get me to think that too. Amethyst, she wanted me to hurt you.”

Her voice cracked and she blinked, tears brimming under her eyelashes. That alone hurt, and the only way Amethyst could help it was by leaning over and kissing Peridot’s forehead. But then the younger girl pulled away. Shaking her head, she sat up and hugged her one good leg into her chest. 

“I wanted to do it,” she sniffled and pushed her glasses up to wipe her eyes. “I told myself I wouldn’t and I made Sugilite leave before she could hurt you, but there was this little thing inside of me that _did_ want to do what she said. And yesterday. When I wasn’t focusing, I had a flash of a thought of — of what would have happened if I had, and what it would have been like. But I don’t even know _what_ I would have done. And I feel sick when I think of it. I don’t like it at all, I wish I didn’t feel like this about you, and I wish I didn’t get ideas like how you’d think of me in a stupid bikini and shorts. I think we talked about this before but I still don’t know if you’re okay with that, and I understand if you don’t feel comfortable around me anymore. I’m sorry.”

Her bony fingers pulled at the hospital bracelet around her wrist, so tight that Amethyst feared it would cut into Peridot’s skin. A lump rose in her throat. “Peri…” 

She both hated it and loved it when Peridot got like this, when she blinked back tears and glanced only anxiously at Amethyst with those striking dark eyes before looking back down at her feet — Amethyst hated it because it meant the girl was scared, or upset, or nervous, or just generally uncomfortable, and that wasn’t good. But at the same time it made Amethyst want to hold her. Just to hold her, to spread kisses across her cheeks and down her neck and make everything okay again, and it was in these times that she would rather be with no one else than Peridot. 

But she’d pulled away before. And all Amethyst could do was put her hands in her lap and open her mouth.

_ “If I could begin to be...half of what you think of me…” _

Peridot lifted her head.

_ “I could do about anything _

_ I could even learn how to love…” _

Amethyst took a deep breath after drawing out the last note, light and shaky. It wasn’t her song and she’d always had trouble getting it just right, but that didn’t matter now, only that the words were said. 

_ “When I see the way you act _

_ Wondering if I’m coming back _

_ I could do about anything _

_ I could even learn how to love…” _

She hadn’t sung for Peridot since...stars, before they had crashed together like they did. Sure, she would sing along with the music on the radio or hum impromptu melodies under her breath, but never alone. Not since the second day, when Peridot had shown up outside Amethyst’s bedroom door and half-scared her to death. Maybe she was just self-conscious but she just hadn’t had the opportunity since. 

But Amethyst had the other girl’s full attention now. And when she slipped the rough pads of her fingers under the smooth tips of Peridot’s, her hand was accepted as if automatically. 

_ “I always thought I might be bad, now I’m sure that it’s true _

_ ‘Cause I think you’re so good, and I’m nothing like you — _

_ Look at you go; I just adore you _

_ I wish that I knew…” _

Amethyst strained to reach the soft but high note of the bridge, her breath tapering into the silence. Peridot’s index finger traced light circles at the base of her thumb. 

_ “What makes you think I’m so special… _

_ If I could...begin to do _

_ Something that does right by you…” _

Peridot’s fingers suddenly moved under Amethyst’s hand, surprising her, but while she paused the song, Peridot inhaled. 

_ “I could do about anything, I could even learn how to love…” _

Her singing voice wasn’t much different from her speaking voice, which surprised Amethyst; she had half expected the shy girl to have a magnificent coloratura soprano that she was just hiding for modesty. But Peridot had only what the other half had expected, a plain little voice, scratchy like many teens’ were. 

And Amethyst couldn’t have loved it more. 

She took up the verse again, the part that Peridot wouldn’t know:

_ “When I see the way you look _

_ Shaken by how long it took…” _

And paused, met the other girl’s eyes, and let her in.

_ “I could do about anything, I could even learn how to love.” _

Their voices, Amethyst singing melody, Peridot singing harmony, blended together so well that both girls seemed taken by surprise when they ended. With just those few inches between each of their noses, they stared at each other before Peridot glanced down. Her pale face was now flushed red. 

“I didn’t know you could harmonize,” Amethyst said stupidly. 

“Yeah,” the other girl mumbled, “I h...have perfect pitch. From there harmony’s all...math.”

“Math,” chuckled Amethyst, flipped her hand around in Peridot’s, and gave the younger girl’s hand a gentle squeeze. “Well...I just thought you’d like the song.”

“I’ve never heard it before.”

“It was something Rose used to sing. All I can remember of her, really. But it reminds me of you.”

Peridot looked up again. “Really?”

She was so cute, even with shattered glasses and scrapes all over her face, and with her free hand Amethyst reached over and gently cupped her cheek. “Really really,” Amethyst smiled softly and pressed a kiss to Peridot’s freckled nose. “Like we really rushed into this — even by my standards. And you know I toss ‘love’ around a lot. But I wanna say it to you, and I actually feel like if I did, it would mean something. Or maybe it wouldn’t yet. I don’t know. Garnet likes to say that love takes time and work if it’s gonna turn out alright. Maybe we still need to work on it.”

_ “Definitely  _ I still need to work on it,” Peridot gave a wry laugh, wiping away a tear from the edge of her eye before replacing it on Amethyst’s hand. Amethyst tilted her chin up and kissed her right below where the tear had been. 

“I know. Me too. Both of us do. But Peri, that’s okay — you might not have everything figured out about your sexuality. I can’t really understand what you’re going through. But I do know that trying to figure things out isn’t something to be ashamed of; you know what you said about thinking of trying to hurt me? Getting all tempted like that?”

“I’m sorry,” was Peridot’s first response, but Amethyst shook her head.

“You don’t have to be! Peri, that’s natural. You know how often I go around and think shit like ‘you know, I could just pull out my keys and drag a huge scratch across this car right now, just because I can’? Or back when I used to be able to carry Steven, one time I stood at the top of the stairs and thought about dropping him down them, just because I could. I didn’t  _ like  _ that. I felt guilty about it for a super long time too. But sometimes you just get those kinds of intrusive thoughts that logically, you think it’s bad, but something inside of you wants to do it anyway, just to see what happens. And it’s even worse when there’s someone whispering in your ear that it’ll be okay. But it’s not your fault that you get those. And...I don’t know what it’s like to be tempted to, you know, rape somebody, but — the fact that you  _ didn’t  _ do it, even when your brain and Sugilite and everything was telling you to, and that you could tell me about it — that’s really brave. That shows how you really think. And I don’t think you should be ashamed of that at all.”

Peridot said nothing, only moved her face deeper into Amethyst’s hand until Amethyst’s palm met her lips.

“And if you wanna dress like a sexy sidekick on the back of my bike, you don’t have to worry about what I think,” she added. “It’s your body. It’s not hurting me.”

Under her palm, she felt Peridot’s cute mouth twitch into a smile. Her thin shaking hand came up and pressed over the back of Amethyst’s hand, too weakly to make her stay but rather, just touching her to know she was there. “Thank you,” whispered Peridot. In response, Amethyst put a soft kiss on her forehead next to the bandaid. 

“Hey, no problem. I’m here for you. Thanks for telling me.”

It sounded really weak and cliched, but it seemed to do the trick. Hesitant, they inched into a soft kiss. And like usual, the kiss stayed and changed until they found a position they liked (today they returned to their first with some modifications, sitting almost all the way up now and with Peridot’s music playing instead). While Peridot played agar.io on her phone and Amethyst played Neko Atsume on hers, they started up their conversation again and spun it back to nice things. 

“So, no Orchesis then.” Oh, Tubbs was back.

“Nope.” The cell named Synthia was number 5 on the leaderboard.

“A’ight. You’ve got two more years. Maybe next year you can, like, dance with your prosthetic and impress everyone.”

“I’m pretty sure it takes longer than a year to get used to a prosthetic.”

“Ugh, fine. How long then?”

“I’m not sure. Rainbow said it’s normally twelve to eighteen months to heal and finish adjusting to everyday activity, but I’d hardly call a two-hour dance performance ‘everyday activity’. And I already told you, I’m not sure about dancing.”

“Okay, yeah, you do what you do. Wait, but is that actually her real name?”

“Who? Dr. Quartz?”

“Yeah. Who the hell names their daughter ‘Rainbow’?”

“You’re named after a rock and dating a girl also named after a rock, my foster family is all named after pale-toned foods, Steven’s last name is freaking ‘ _ Universe’,  _ and you’re friends with a girl whose last name is ‘Pizza’. Heck if I know.”

“Heh. Touché.”

“Nyeheh — oh schist.”

“What?”

“I hit a green thing. The ones that look like Reeses cups and make you explode into little cells.”

“Oh man, there are bits of you all over. You better run.”

“Gah, you clods, get away from me!”

“Pfft…”

There was a soft knock on the door. Without looking up from her phone, Peridot said automatically, “Come in.”

If Peridot hadn’t been leaning against her, Amethyst would have (and was currently fully prepared to do this) vault out of bed and pretended like she’d been in the visiting chair the whole time. Since she didn’t want to send the other girl flying, she made the split second decision instead to face the consequences. So when Nurse Joy peeked in, Amethyst waved meekly and was mildly surprised when the woman beamed, mouthed something she didn’t catch, and closed the door again. Some muffled talking could be heard, then the handle turned again.

Joy stepped in, then two women — one petite and wrapped in a ragged blue sweater, the other quite large and looking like she had put her hair in its sloppy bun just so she wouldn’t have to brush it.  _ The Lazulis. _

Amethyst swallowed. She’d known this encounter would have to come eventually; it wasn’t like she’d worried about it, but the prospect had lingered in the back of her mind since the full story had come out to her. But the weird thing here was that neither Lapis nor Jasper seemed mad. Just...melancholy. Jasper wasn’t wearing her infamous eyeliner, and Lapis’ dip-dyed ends even seemed faded. They glanced only momentarily at her and mostly at Peridot, who had just then looked up from her phone.

“Peridot, Amethyst,” said Joy carefully, “you know the Lazulis, I believe. They requested to speak with you both about their daughter, Malachite.”

Peridot glanced to Amethyst anxiously, but Amethyst didn’t know what to do any more than the next guy. Here they were, very obviously sharing a hospital bed and looking like trash in front of their  _ teachers.  _ “Uh...yeah,” Amethyst tried, which was pretty pathetic, but it was good at stretching out the conversation longer. 

“I’ll leave you to talk,” said Joy, clearly awkward, and Amethyst wanted to yell at her for making it more awkward by doing that. 

The door closed gently behind her, an echoing slam like a jail cell.

Amethyst looked back to Jasper and Lapis, forced a weak grin, and nudged Peridot with her knee.  _ Help me out here,  _ she tried to say telepathically.

“Oh, uh,” Peridot stammered at the nudge, her cheeks flushing, “you...two...look well…!”

_ No.  _ Amethyst tried not to slam her head against the backboard of the bed. But it wasn’t like she was willing to confront the two adults on her own either, so she had to give Peridot some credit. Jasper scowled; Lapis folded her arms. 

“I’m going to be very clear with you two,” said Lapis, all humor gone from her now-flat voice. Her expression was unusually listless as she met Amethyst’s eyes, then Peridot’s. “I’m sure you know what’s going on. What you both did at that party.”

“Um, no, actually, I can’t remember anything after walking through the door,” said Amethyst helpfully. 

Jasper scowled at her. “As your teachers and mentors, we’re very disappointed in you,” she told them, prompting an inadvertent sigh from Amethyst, but then her expression softened. “And as friends of Rose’s, we’re very sorry.”

Amethyst noticed Lapis shift at the mention of Rose Quartz, but that wasn’t explained. Jasper kept talking, her hands stuffed into her pockets and shoulders hunched. 

“What our daughter did was disgusting, selfish, stupid, and dishonorable. And bringing you into it was even more so. If there is anything we can do to make it up to you, tell us and we’ll do it. No, we’ll find her, and we’ll make  _ her _ do it,” added Jasper, sounding as if she was trying to one-up herself like always.

Peridot set her phone on the bedside table. “Find her?”

_ Right… _ Amethyst cringed as she remembered, but Jasper beat her to explaining. “Yes,  _ find her, _ ” the large woman rolled her eyes, “Malachite was last seen at an illegal party, smoking marijuana, and driving away in my wife’s car. She’s the adopted delinquent of two broke lesbians. The cops sure as hell aren’t taking this seriously; that’s why we’re asking you. You need to tell us what you know, anything about our daughter that you heard or that she told you.”

Jasper’s tone grew a little sharper with every word, reminding Amethyst too much of that daughter for comfort, but then her voice began to shake. Lapis looked up, but said nothing.

“Please,” Jasper finished.

“She was gonna run away,” burst Amethyst despite herself, despite the fear or whatever judgment she still feared. “Sh — she told me on Christmas, when she came to my room, she was gonna run away on New Year’s at the party. I don’t know who else she told.”

Jasper’s fists clenched. “Did she say where she was going?”

Numb, Amethyst shook her head. “I didn’t think she’d do it. I just wanted to be there so she wouldn’t...try to hurt herself.”

At this, Jasper visibly flinched — there was no way she and Lapis didn’t know about the angry scars covering Malachite’s wrists, thighs, and stomach. Not anymore. She’d had them all on display with her skimpy clothes, probably even as a symbolic message before she departed, but it had been stupid because anyone asked could probably describe everything about her.  _ Anyone... _

Peridot seemed to be thinking along similar lines as she sat up and spoke for the first time since saying hello. “I, ah, mentioned it to the police before my surgery, but I was escorted to the house by a woman named Alexandrite Ahuja.” 

“I know. We spoke to her.” Jasper stuffed her hands in the pockets of the shabby biker’s jacket that looked like it had been run over by several bikes. “She was the one to call us and the police.”

As Pearl and Garnet had told Amethyst a few days ago, the party at the Talwars’ house had been smoked out by cops at about the same time their crash had occurred. (Another reason why Amethyst was avoiding her own hospital room, not just because Peridot was a good bedwarmer. Her own room wasn’t far from the detox rooms of several other party guests.) Almost immediately afterwards, Jade and Obsidian stepped forward with the entire guest list, the former pleading innocent — “my mother was dead drunk, confused my twin Nephrite for me, and forgot to pick me up from Obsidian’s home” — and the latter claiming he had been coerced. The instigators, Basalt and Sugilite, among other suspects, were being detained and investigated. All old news; of course it would have made its way around to the Lazulis by now.

“I guess that’s all...” Amethyst glanced at Peridot; the other girl shrugged. “Sorry.”

Any last hope behind Jasper’s eyes visibly melted away, and her shoulders slumped just slightly. She had just begun to say something like “that’s fine, thank you anyway” when Lapis turned around again.

“Why did she want to leave?”

Amethyst swallowed. Her bare feet were getting too hot under the sheets and she longed to kick them off, but Peridot was also hiding her leg stump under there and she didn’t want to invade the other girl’s privacy like that. 

“She said she was done being used,” she answered truthfully, “and that’s it.”

Lapis looked up at Jasper, her face unreadable. The larger woman blinked rapidly. 

Little more was said in the hospital room, and the Lazulis exited with murmured apologies and gratitudes. Just as quickly as they’d come. Once again the cold melancholy blanket of Those Things That They Didn’t Want To Think About settled over Amethyst’s and Peridot’s shoulders, and only the warmth of Peridot snuggling close to her again could relieve it. 

Pulling out her phone again, Peridot asked, “Do you think we’ll see them at school tomorrow?’

“After a scandal like that? No way. Get ready for subs the rest of the year.”

“Oh. A’ight, then.”

After about thirty seconds, which passed in companionable silence, Amethyst’s head snapped around to face Peridot.

“Wait, whaddya mean,  _ tomorrow?” _

Peridot didn’t even look up. “Of course. Tomorrow’s Monday, January fourth.”

Amethyst snorted. “Ha ha, Peri. Making me think we’re honestly going back to school tomorrow after we just got in a freaking car crash.”

Now she did look up — with all seriousness she turned off her phone, looked Amethyst in the eye, and smiled. “Absolutely!”

They stared at each other for a second before Amethyst fell back onto the pillow, laughing.

“Oh, oh my god, you weren’t kidding. You’re such a nerd.”

And Peridot fell back with her, pressing Amethyst’s cheeks gently between her hands and spreading kisses across her face. The Lazulis were all but forgotten. “But I’m  _ your  _ nerd.”

“Yeah,” beamed Amethyst, “my smart, brave, perfect nerd.”


	18. Parachute

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> \- Parachute — Ingrid Michaelson -
> 
> "Don't believe the things you tell yourself so late at night  
> And, you are your own worst enemy, you'll never win the fight  
> Just hold onto me, I'll hold onto you  
> It's you and me up against the world, it's you and me"

"I hate you and I want to die," scowled Amethyst.

It was 7:45 A.M., a drastic change from the previous two weeks' wakeup times of 1 P.M. Pearl had been the one to burst into Amethyst's room way too early, singing some dumb song she'd made up and turning on all the lights while Amethyst groaned for a minute straight. Coffee and a copious amount of makeup did nothing for her sleepless glare. She wanted to blame it on coming straight out of intensive drug detox, but Maheswaran had pronounced her clean, so apparently this craving for sweet death was due to the first day back at school.

Meanwhile Peridot was much too smiley for the time. Then again, she got to sit in a wheelchair piled high with blankets and pillows, she didn't have to carry two backpacks, she was going to get to miss out on gym class, and she was getting pushed wherever she wanted like a queen.

"Don't tell me you're jealous of an amputee," Peridot craned her head around just to stick her tongue out at Amethyst. Amethyst responded in kind. "Remember, babe, we're in this together."

Amethyst rolled her eyes. She didn't need a reminder. As "punishment" for sneaking out, Pearl and Garnet had allowed Amethyst driving privileges, but only to drive Peridot to and from school while the buses worked out wheelchair accommodations. It was in the ugly maroon van too (the white Toyota was totaled and the other guy's bad insurance had only been able to pay for Peridot's medical expenses). In extension, Amethyst would have to push Peridot to her different classes when the nurse's assistant wasn't available. Which meant always — Opal was incredibly forgetful.

She did like it when Peridot called her babe, though.

"Yeah, I guess." Amethyst stopped by Peridot's locker, ignoring the stares from the neighboring sophomores. "Wait wait wait...I got this. Your locker code is…"

"Don't say it out loud!"

"A'ight. So there's some sort of organizational system here, right?"

"Yes, they're all color-coded according to — no, I need my history book. It's covered in blue paper. Blue. No — no — the one I'm pointing at. The _blue_ one. It's labeled 'WORLD HISTORY'."

"Why can't you just get all of them? You're allowed to carry a backpack."

"Do _you_ want to haul around a day's worth of textbooks?"

"If you want me to. I'm just sayin', it's so much better than coming back to this hallway every period. But I'll do it."

"Really?"

"Anything for my girl."

"You clod, stop," Peridot whined, "you're making me blush." Amethyst turned around with an armful of books, leaned in close to Peridot's face, and tapped her nose against Peridot's in an Eskimo kiss.

"Am I?"

After the books had been gotten and the teasing completed, they visited the lovers' cave and wasted ten minutes there. It was only ten because on the way, they'd been stopped by at least seven people asking what happened to Peridot and if it had anything to do with the rumored Bomb-Ass Party on New Year's. By the time they dealt with all of that, ten was all they had. That was okay though; it wasn't as if they had much to catch up on as they'd been in the same hospital for the past four days, so they just talked about fandoms. Amethyst's fan comic had been reblogged by a famous Tumblr artist. Peridot had gotten addicted to hospital television stations, especially this cheesy drama called _Camp Pining Hearts,_ and recently discovered a stream of all six seasons on the internet.

The three class periods after that were hell. And don't think it was because of something cheesy like Amethyst missed Peridot — that played a part, but more than that, Peridot seemed to have been the only thing keeping Amethyst sane. She nearly fell asleep in first hour algebra and couldn't even look at her sketches in second hour art. Not to mention the churning rumor mill, worst in third-hour Spanish class: " _I heard she knocked up another girl." "Really? I thought it was the other way around, there was like cocaine or something." "I think she was just drunk, that's why she crashed her car and killed the other guy." "You asshat, she didn't kill anyone — "_

"That can change," Amethyst turned around in her seat to say. Señora Rosales gave her a warning, but it was worth it to see the kids' wide-eyed expressions.

Thanks to a special doctor's pass, Amethyst was allowed to leave five minutes early in order to find Peridot and wheel her to her next class — in this case bio, so they'd be there together anyway. During these little hallway journeys they had started a pattern of telling each other how horrible their last class had been.

"Some kid asked if he could touch my injuries," Peridot was saying, rolling her eyes. "Is he _stupid?_ I have new stitches, I wrote very clear instructions both my sock and cast, you haven't washed your hands since your parental unit forced you at age five and you ask to touch my INJURIES?!"

It was true — sometime between second and third hour, Peridot had taken a Sharpie to both the hem of her compression sock and bright green arm cast and written _TOUCH STUMPS OFF, CLOD_ on them

"I feel ya," hummed Amethyst, and met eyes with a droopy-eyed senior who glared at her over his shoulder. She dropped her voice a little. "I think some of the party guests are still at school. There's all these rumors going around and it's ugly."

"Tell me about it. Even the teachers are on to us. Neither Lazuli was at class, by the way."

"Oh. Yeah, Garnet said she's going over to check on them today."

"But even the substitutes seem to know; it's as if they were _warned._ And Mr. Amber looked at me like I looted his calculator collection."

"You think Diamond knows?"

"We'll find out."

"This should be fun."

They didn't even see the teacher at first, but that wasn't new — yes, she had continued with her awful dramatic thing of striding from the back office with high heels clacking and nose saluting the ceiling and _only_ after the bell rang. The only trace of Diamond was her Assistant Banana Bread at her tiny desk (with a fresh fake tan and newly-dyed yellow hair). Along with the other dozen students already seated, Banana Bread glanced up when Peridot and Amethyst came in.

"Ah. You two," she said in a voice like she had, instead, said the words "soiled diaper".

"Good morning, Miss Pearl," Peridot said as if nothing was wrong. "Seat?"

Like they had practiced for this very seating arrangement (which they had), Amethyst gave her a little salute, maneuvered quickly around the wheelchair, and lifted Peridot's normal chair over her head. Banana Pearl spluttered something about property damage. Amethyst ignored her. When the chair was pushed against a wall, Peridot wheeled herself into the space left behind and Amethyst began helping her unload her backpack. Textbook, water bottle, lab book, tape recorder.

At the table next to them, Jade Zhang sat down. Obsidian was suspiciously absent. Amethyst knew this because Jade was the only one not staring, and in turn, had become subject to stares from Amethyst and Peridot alike. A weird bond seemed to lock into place — a bond that said _I know what you did and you know what I did, and I'd rather not talk about it._

And as if echoing her thoughts, Peridot said suddenly and very loudly, "I'd rather not talk about it." The boy in the desk behind her (Colin, was that his name? All the loser freshmen were named Colin) pulled his hand away from Peridot's shoulder like she'd stung him.

The bell rang and in came the telltale _clack, clack, clack_ of Miss Diaper.

Amethyst had braced herself for the worst. She couldn't say she hadn't thought ahead of this encounter — clinical anxiety, yo — but since she hadn't settled on anything that seemed reasonably in-character for the tyrannical biology teacher to do, she'd just assumed that the class would end in tears. It wasn't like there was much _to_ assume from Miss Diamond. The woman was just plain cryptic. But, maybe it was because of a protective-girlfriend thing, all Amethyst could think of were scenarios where Peridot was pulled under the bus, so she thought of everything she could to defend Peridot. _It was an accident, the other guy was drunk, I dragged her into it, she didn't do anything wrong._ And she was ready to use them.

Except when Miss Diamond strode up to her podium, she didn't so much as give Peridot a glance. Her eyes instead zeroed in on — guess who — Amethyst. Well...it wasn't the worst-case scenario that Amethyst had thought up, and she'd expected some hostility. Who _didn't_ know about her party flop by now? But this wasn't any normal glare.

This was blame.

"Welcome back, class," began Miss Diamond flatly, rifling through the papers on the podium. Amethyst met her eyes here and found that they were scalding. "I'm sure none of you are in any way enthused to be here, so we can skip the niceties. However, I'll have you know that I know of a...certain riotous event that took place not a few nights ago among some of your peers and, if you have forgotten, I will remind you that I will not tolerate any gossip or innuendo to anything — at all. Open your textbooks to page 279."

Ouch. She didn't take her eyes off Amethyst until the thing about page 279. For the record, it wouldn't be the first time Diamond called her out in front of the class, but it was just a little jarring to hear. Later, she'd attribute it to the constant stream of "It wasn't your fault" that she heard in the hospital, from Pearl and Garnet and Peridot and Dr. Maheswaran — and so suddenly, to hear and see the message that it _was_...well, it was a little disconcerting.

 _What do I do? Idk what she knows but I think she thinks I did it? She's looking at me like I killed someone!_ Amethyst wrote on the corner of her notebook and slid it to Peridot when Diamond's back was turned. But instead of a response note, all she got was a disgruntled look and Peridot glancing down at her arm cast. Oh, right.

 _Sorry,_ she mouthed, but Peridot had already dug out a pen with her right hand. Painstakingly, she scratched out _I THOUGHT YOU'RE USED TO THAT_ in barely-legible capitals.

 _Yea normally I am but those times I actually DID do it! And its not like with the other people who talked about the party because I could tell them off, but D's..._ Amethyst hesitated, the message unfinished but still in Peridot's full view. She wasn't even sure why she was writing this, why she felt so weird. She scratched everything off even though she knew Peridot had already read it. It felt good to scribble something until she couldn't see it anymore, to let her purple gel pen bleed through the paper. _Just forget it. Idk. I'm just...uneasy._

She was so preoccupied that she didn't even notice the shadow looming above her until its source spoke. "Amethyst, if you don't mind, I'd like to see what you're so frantically writing."

Amethyst sat up straight, her heart jumping all the way into her throat. Every swear word she knew ran through her mind as she met Diamond's steely grey eyes, saw her extended hand, and realized what absolute _perfect_ timing this could be (sarcasm). She couldn't hide that her hands were shaking as she gave the notebook to her teacher, and she hoped Diamond wouldn't think it was because she had something to be scared of — well, yeah, she did, but it was more of judgment than anything. All that had been left on the paper was the very last line.

Like Diamond did when she caught students writing something they weren't supposed to, she didn't read it aloud, only looked for a few seconds before returning it — which was almost worse. Her expression never changed. She didn't say anything except "Both of you, see me after class."

"But we have doctor's notes," Amethyst blurted, heart still pounding, "we're supposed to leave early — "

"Oh, did I ask you if it was convenient? Both you and your partner _will_ see me after class, Miss Espina. That is an order."

The silence following was so heavy and cold that it could have frozen, somehow especially with the echoes of Miss Diamond's voice against the hard walls. A last, despondent swear word trickled down the back of Amethyst's mind. They were so, so, so screwed. She tried to meet Peridot's eyes behind the girl's still-broken glasses, but the other girl seemed shocked out of communication. All she did was stare at her textbook, bent slightly at the waist as if she was sick. Amethyst couldn't even reach over and squeeze her hand because the wheelchair handle was in the way, and Diamond was watching her more carefully now, so she couldn't even reassure the younger girl that it would be alright.

It sucked that they'd gotten caught early on in class because it meant forty-five minutes of unadulterated shame and anxiety for the rest of it. Amethyst was too stressed to even think of what Diamond would say or do to her, not to mention Peridot. Poor girl had probably never been in this big of trouble before — well, at least not by Miss Diamond, who she seemed to still adore. She had just remembered the hellish tales from some of Peridot's foster homes. And that, by extension, probably only made this whole situation worse.

At long dreaded last, the bell rang and the other students filtered out to lunch or their other classes. Jade, the last one out, met Amethyst's eyes once with a cryptic blink. Miss Diamond said nothing for an icy moment as she wrote something down in her planner; in fact, Amethyst was beginning to wonder if she was serious about Peridot and Amethyst staying after class until she finally set down her pen.

"I'm sure you saw your exam grades," she began. Amethyst frowned.

"Uh, not yet. Ma'am." Amethyst added the second part just in time. Maybe today wasn't the day to piss the teacher off.

"That's curious. With how much you're on your phone, I would expect that you have at least a second of the entire winter break you could have checked the posted grades. Pearl?"

Banana Bread, who had been cleaning the whiteboard, dropped all she had and scooped up a tablet from Diamond's desk. "Here you are, ma'am."

A stony few seconds passed as Diamond scrolled through something on the tablet. Then she held it out for Amethyst to see.

"Congratulations, Amethyst. You passed a semester of my class."

Diamond didn't sound extremely enthusiastic about it, but who cared? Not Amethyst; she'd _passed._ Not only that but her exam grade, a 92%, had buoyed her up so well that her final grade was an A minus. The best final grade she had ever gotten in high school, her only A.

"I knew you could do it," Peridot said, smiling shyly. Dammit, she was _so_ cute.

"Yes," interrupted Miss Diamond (thanks for ruining the moment, woman), "I had no doubts in Peridot's ability to assist you. However — "

Amethyst groaned internally — _here comes a hurricane —_ and returned to feeling as shitty as when Diamond had first called her out.

" — she will not always be there to assist you, and because of your astounding rate of improvement, I have decided to terminate your partnership."

Peridot said it for Amethyst — which was good, because Amethyst didn't know what to say. "What?"

"While Amethyst has improved in the academic hemisphere, I have it from reliable sources that her legal and behavioral records have shown little change. I can also take it that you, Peridot, have been affected negatively by some of her escapades."

"Uh, excuse me, I can hear you," Amethyst cut in. If there was anything to make her mad, it was talking about her like she wasn't in the room — she'd had enough of that in class debates about immigration and LGBT rights. Maybe she had gotten a little too defensive, though, because Peridot glanced nervously at her.

"Amethyst," the younger girl said through her teeth, "this isn't the time."

The chill in Peridot's voice was enough even to dampen Amethyst's anger. She forced herself to relax. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Banana Bread standing in the corner and smirking. So she didn't say anything.

"Thank you, Peridot." Miss Diamond folded her hands in front of her on the podium, looking just at Peridot — was she avoiding looking at Amethyst? Probably. "But, as I was saying, I will be changing the seating roster tomorrow as per the beginning of the second semester, and both of you will be placed with new partners. Peridot, I thank you for your work, your sacrifices, and your dedication to being Amethyst's lab partner for the duration of this first semester, but as any wise man knows, there is a time when one must step away from a burden that becomes too great to bear. In addition, I will have you know that I have contacted the nurse and secured a more reliable aide for you."

No. That was _it._ Whatever Diamond was trying to hide behind all these compliments to Peridot, it hurt, and Amethyst wouldn't stand for it.

She stood up instead.

"Do you think you're hiding anything?" she said, her voice trembling as she barely kept herself from yelling. "That we don't know what you're talking about? Am I the burden you're talking about? Is _that_ all I am to you?"

Diamond's white face twisted in rage and had begun to flush red. "Amethyst, please," Peridot hissed, but she went unheard, and Diamond's anger wasn't a warning, it was the reward. Amethyst clenched her fists and drank it in.

"I have fought and waited and run for my entire life to get to where I am today, I've tried so hard to make everyone happy, and I'm not just gonna _stand_ here while you talk about me like I'm — I'm some sort of _disease!"_

" _Amethyst."_

A small, cold hand pressed up against the outside of her fist, pulling her back with a surprising force. She met Peridot's eyes, round and frightened but also deathly determined. And Amethyst knew now what to envision whenever she thought of this girl standing over her unconscious body with a can of spray paint, ready to take down the scariest kid in school just to protect her. It was — in a word — terrifying.

Okay, maybe she should have been more worried about the teacher in front of her, who was a ripe shade of red. But then Peridot slipped her one good hand inside of Amethyst's, pulling her clenched fingers apart quicker and smoother than anyone else could, or would, ever. There was no way Diamond wouldn't see it. She raised her chin just the slightest.

"That's fair," the woman said, each word sharp and drawn out. "But I am the teacher, and I will do whatever the hell I want. Pearl?"

"Yes, Miss Diamond?"

"Escort Peridot to her lunch hour. Espina stays here."

So, almost as soon as she had taken Peridot's hand, it was ripped away from her. And it wasn't like Amethyst could do anything about it either — Peridot was giving her the look. _Don't fight it,_ the look said. Biting her lip, Amethyst turned back to Miss Diamond.

"I have a class next," she said resolutely.

"That's fine. Return here during your lunch hour."

"But I need to get a lunch from the cafeteria — "

"You should have thought of that before you raised your voice," Diamond cut in and picked up a bundle of papers from her desk. "Now go to class."

Amethyst bit down on her lip so hard she tasted blood.

Unlike any of the other times she had received lunchtime detention, she did as she was told. Fortunately Diamond was teaching a class that hour, so she just sent her into Mr. Albus's adjacent classroom and set her to disinfecting the petri dishes. Her stomach growled so loudly that Mr. Albus, grading papers at his desk, gave her a granola bar out of mercy. Silently, she wished more than anything that she had him as a bio teacher instead.

Much too long later, the last bell of the day rang and Amethyst took a detour on her way out. As it would be on a Monday at 3:10 P.M., the lovers' cave was empty. Peridot wasn't answering her messages, but she also had a habit of turning her phone off during school hours.

Amethyst leaned against the wall the wrong way. Her forehead met cold cinderblock.

"Amethyst…"

And Peridot was there, her backpack balanced precariously on her lap, clumsily wheeling herself through the entrance of the lover's cave. That couldn't have been a subtle entrance, Amethyst knew, and caught a glimpse of a curious freshman poking her head too far around the corner, but by this point she didn't care.

"Sorry," was the first thing to come from Amethyst's mouth.

"A...apology accepted." Peridot fiddled with a black hair tie around her spindly little wrist. "You just need to…"

"Be less revolutionary?" Amethyst finished, a wry smirk pecking at her lips. Peridot shrugged.

"Be more tactful."

She sighed.

"I don't know what I've gotten into."

Amethyst knew it was still a semi-serious conversation, but she couldn't help but smirk. "Well, for starters, me."

"Mmm...yes, in a manner of speaking."

"Do I get a reward kiss?"

Peridot raised an eyebrow, then smiled. "Come here and find out."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had to split this chapter in half because there was no way I was going to finish it before today (i wrote the last 1800 words just today), so take this. It's not much but it might be necessary, maybe.
> 
> Also: I do feel like Yella D is getting more and more out of character but only in comparison to how she was presented earlier on in this fic — like I'm getting better at writing her in canon style, but since I started this fic before Message Received, I was biding my time and leaving her a blank slate so I could fill her personality in when we saw her. As a result I went back to Chapters 1, 3, and 8 and edited some of her lines to sound more like canon, so if you reread and something sounds different, that's why. (If you're actually curious: she's more succinct than I predicted, is more conservative with her contractions and figures of speech, and fits more of the nitpicky boss stereotype than the drunk aunt stereotype, which I'd been leaning towards for SOME reason.)
> 
> As for this chapter and going on, I'll stick to her canon personality.


	19. Cheap Thrills

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> \- Cheap Thrills — Sia -
> 
> "I don't need no money  
> As long as I can feel the beat  
> I don't need no money  
> As long as I keep dancing"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> @wiz-witch and anyone else from my school i don’t remember how the power outage at school went because i was sick that day and all i heard was on the snapchat stories so i’ll take my creative liberties

A little more than a month later, Amethyst woke up with hair in her mouth and something that she was forgetting — she couldn’t quite pin what.

This wasn’t a rare occurrence, but it’s a place to start.

Bearily, she yanked her phone from its cord, shut off the alarm (some Sia song), and dragged her hand across her face to get the hair out. It was surprisingly warm in her room, stiflingly so, and in her sleep she must have kicked off her quilt because she was covered in only her flannel sheets. Her phone glared at her in the darkness. Two texts from Peridot, three Snapchats from other less important people, and a flurry of Instagram likes (she’d posted a selfie post-dance practice, hair up and wearing a particularly revealing pair of shorts).

She opened Peridot’s texts first, the white background of the messages blinding despite being on the lowest brightness setting. _Are you aware of the date?_ said the first (Peri was a double texter) and the second, _Yes, it’s the day I meet with my physical therapist and discuss my future prosthetic foot and will not be present at school, but also…?_

Also...Amethyst rubbed her eyes again and tried to think. Friday? Two days before Valentine’s day, but she had already made a card and saved up the money to get her girlfriend chocolates. Again the thing she was forgetting plucked at her mind and she frowned. It had something to do with Peridot, definitely. Hmm.

She decided to ignore it for now. _I’ll remember eventually,_ she told herself, but then wondered if that meant she would forget entirely about forgetting something and only remember to remember much, much later. But that’s just how it was with her.

Amethyst allowed herself until 6:50 to play around on her phone. (The blinding light and communicative elements helped wake her up.) Once she finally got up, the first thing she saw in the mirror was her own insane hair, in desperate need of root touch-ups and going in all directions but down. Ugh, and it didn’t even respond much to simple brushing like it usually did, not even to her extra-extra-extra strong hairspray from Sapphire. Grumbling, she resigned herself to just putting it in a bun, and even though hats were against the dress code, shoved a beanie on her head.

For just that moment, she stared at the person in the mirror — makeupless, wearing a wrestling shirt five sizes too big, hair hidden under the beanie save the black roots — and she liked it. She couldn’t say she hadn’t questioned her gender identity before, but today she looked at herself and decided this was pretty comfortable too. Kind of androgynous, more boyish. It was...new. It was fun.

But she didn’t have time to experiment with her gender expression right now, so Amethyst just threw on a big sweatshirt and jeans and shot out of her bedroom. Food was waiting to be eaten.

Only as she dropped Steven off at the middle school did she think to remember again. And like most things are remembered, it was done in a completely random and un-asked for way. As Steven got his backpack and said his normal routine of goodbyes and love you’s, Amethyst glanced over the other middle schoolers migrating from their transportation to the doors and happened to catch the glaring eye of one in particular. The kid was tiny, for one, and bundled in about five puffy coats like his mother had dressed him. _Middle schoolers are getting littler and littler,_ Amethyst thought to herself in amusement, and then frowned. How young _were_ middle schoolers again? Twelve? Hah, no way was that kid twelve. Maybe nine. Wait, but Steven was thirteen —

And it hit her so hard that she almost forgot to pull away from the curb and earned angry honking from several pissed-off soccer moms. Embarrassed, she apologized (despite them not being able to hear her) and got moving, cursing herself all the way.

Today was Peridot’s sixteenth birthday.

While turning out from the middle school’s parking lot, Amethyst frantically checked the time — and she had none. Twenty minutes was hardly enough to go out and buy a nice present for her girl while still getting to class on time, but she felt terrible in saying that she’d forgotten. What if Peridot felt that she was being selfish or…no, no, she couldn’t think like that anymore. That’s what Sugilite had drilled into her. _You don’t belong to her,_ Amethyst recited to herself, _you don’t owe anyone anything. That’s the abuse talking._

Then she sighed. Those words had come from Peridot. Through the last month or so of their relationship, the younger girl had been almost overly careful, jumping forward to reassure Amethyst in any way when she felt even a little uncomfortable about anything. It was kind of endearing, but also painful in that every time, Amethyst couldn’t help but think that Peridot was speaking from experience. That night at the party — well, that could have been the first time she’d stood up against anyone. And every time Peridot told Amethyst to respect or take care of herself and not worry about Peridot, she couldn’t help but feel that the younger girl was thinking of a time that someone hadn’t treated her so well either.

Peridot had given up so much for Amethyst — her time, her reputation, all the emotional support an introvert could possibly give and then some; heck, Amethyst had even noticed that Peridot’s limited wardrobe choices were beginning to reflect her own, she wasn’t wearing those adorkable polo shirts as often anymore. It was nothing like Sugilite, either. Peridot didn’t do this to get something, she would give and give and give until she was bleeding and broken on the side of the road. And she never asked for compensation.

How could Amethyst owe her _nothing_ after that?

She didn’t have time now to get something or she’d be late to first hour — maybe she could go out during her lunch period, or after school before she went to Peridot’s house. The only problem was that she didn’t have any saved money besides the stuff for Valentine’s Day chocolates. (Man, it sucked not having a job anymore.) Could she maybe _make_ something for her? Yes, _maybe if she’d remembered sooner._

As she pulled into her parking spot at school, she took a second to sit in the warm car and think before stepping out into the frigid, violent wind. It didn’t help, though. Maybe she could write a poem — though it was halfway through first hour algebra that she realized this was a terrible idea. Sure, she could make a bad ol’ pun, but sonnets were not her thing. Or — she could sing something...no, she needed her guitar to make up a song; she couldn’t just do it in class, and it required time too.

It was in art that she finally had a thought. She could _paint_ Peridot — maybe even right in front of her. Of course, it would be so much better to have done this earlier and simply have the picture ready to go when she arrived, but that couldn’t happen. Amethyst could just get a canvas and bring some paints from the art department, Vidalia might have some extra easels or supplies if she really needed them, and Amethyst preferred working off real models rather than pictures anyway.

She explained her plan and asked permission from Mrs. Dolomite first, and the art teacher gave her a small canvas and some acrylics to take home (“But I’ll need a print in your portfolio,” she added, “you need to show off those life drawing skills.”). So now she had a plan. She also cringed as she realized she’d never replied to Peri’s messages and the girl was probably getting worried at the _Read 6:32 AM_ receipt, so during Spanish she responded with too many emojis and the poem she’d written before — it wasn’t great but it would do.

_happy b-day to the p-dot! :D ily, wish u were here :(. it’s no fun w/o u, so i wrote u a poem! !_

_roses are red_

_ur cheeks are too_

_ur blushing, right?_

_good cuz i want to kiss u_

_it’s p bad but hopefully u like it ;) you’ll love what i have planned for later :3_

Sent. Amethyst found herself grinning hard that Mrs. Rosales figured out and took her phone away for the class period.

When she got it back with a small lecture about responsible use of technology that she only half listened to, Amethyst found a blushing emoji and _I’m down for anything, but it had better not involve you texting when you are, according to the time, supposed to be in class._ Sure, that’s how most of their conversations went nowadays, but it never ceased to make Amethyst smile.

She was so immersed in the text messages, in fact, that she crashed into her new lab partner.

Like most schools, the bathroom setups were awful especially in the older portion of the school and arranged so that innocent hallway walkers often found their faces against a door as some student flung it open. In this case, it was Amethyst who met such an unfortunate demise at the hands of Obsidian, tearing out of the girls’ bathroom as if his life depended on it. Which, on second thought, it might have.

“Shit,” she spluttered, stumbling back, in perfect harmony with the surprised freshman.

“S-sorry!” The poor kid’s hands were full of books and one of those awful suitcase things that all freshmen seemed to carry, but he still tried to help her up again. “Ah shit, I didn’t mean…”

“It’s fine,” Amethyst replied, rubbing her forehead. “Happens all the time.”

Obsidian really looked like he wanted to bolt, especially as a few bystanders had begun to stare. Amethyst kinda felt bad for the kid — even if he was a bigger, more arrogant a-hole than even Peridot in her first few weeks here. “You’re bleeding,” he said blankly. Amethyst took her hand away from her forehead, saw a little red, and nodded.

“So, it seems, I am,” she mused. “’Scuse me.”

She had a little time before the bell rang so she ducked into the bathroom from which Obsidian had come — thankfully empty. There was blood, but it looked just like a little scrape, so she put water on a paper towel and held it against her skin. Like an obnoxious shadow, Obsidian stood behind her, clutching the strap of his Case-it and looking over her shoulder at the wound. On second thought, why _was_ he in here?

“I thought they let you use the boys’ now,” Amethyst asked him carefully. But as careful as she was, he didn’t seem to like the reminder.

“Yeah,” he shifted his books in his other arm, “but my dad came home when the police called, so I gotta dress like a girl now. I can’t even wear my binders.”

Right...now that she thought of it, she had noticed the shift in Obsidian’s wardrobe since the party, but she’d just figured he didn’t have many masculine clothes for winter. “That’s rough, buddy.” She pulled away the paper towel and dabbed at the mixed blood and water on her forehead, then replaced it with a dry paper towel. “Should’ve told Basalt to call off the party, yanno.”

Obsidian’s scowl only deepened, but that was okay. Transgender or not, she could still hold a mean grudge against him and not feel guilty. He had still covered for the party where she’d almost gotten raped. And unlike Basalt, who was sitting in juvie for distributing alcohol to other minors, Obsidian had lied about his job and gotten off scot-free. Sure, Amethyst was an equal offender as she hadn’t told someone when she found out about it, but she’d owned up to it. Obsidian had not. Too arrogant, probably. Honorless.

And thanks to Miss D, they’d had this conversation at least ten times. She couldn’t say she disliked Obsidian as a partner; he had less smarts than Peridot had in a single fingernail clipping, but _man_ did he get excited about science. He basically did all her assignments for her. So whenever this came up she had to try not to make him _too_ mad.

“I’m just sayin’,” she added to soften the attack. He opened his mouth for a rebuttal, but he never finished as the bathroom lights flickered off and on again.

“What was that?” he asked in the silence.

No...no, it wasn’t even silence. Amethyst couldn’t see much outside the bathroom window, a small slit of glass near the ceiling, but then a leaf zoomed by at speeds that should’ve been illegal in a school zone. Something was howling.

“Winter wind,” she shrugged, “probably jostled a power line or something — ”

Then the lights went out for good.

“That’s some wind,” said Obsidian.

Thanks to the little window, it was still somewhat light in the bathroom, but outside in the hall, it sounded like absolute chaos. One second, three seconds, five, ten...Obsidian was saying her name but she kept counting until it was settled. It was just like a Rosewood power outage that happened whenever the winds got bad — their personal rule of thumb was fifteen seconds or more and it’s not coming back. And this power didn’t seem to be coming back. She even checked her phone to make sure — yup, wifi was down, and as she watched she got three new messages on various platforms: _power’s out here wbu, is hte power out for u a, Amy youre in bio right is the power out over there??_

The first thing she thought of was how liberally Midwesterners used the phrase “is the power out” and the second thing she thought was “the power’s out in the entire school”. Probably for the rest of the day, if her instincts were right. She could go home — or to Peridot’s house! She could do her painting now!

“Amethyst, you better not be thinking what I think you’re thinking,” Obsidian scowled, visible even in the dim grey light. Did he actually have any other facial expressions? She shushed him and checked her pocket, sure enough, she had her beanie. Like Sugilite said — what other girl had purple hair down to her ass?

“Yeah, I’m splitting ‘fore they stop up the holes in the wall,” she said, tucked her bun into the beanie, and pressed her finger against the tip of his nose. “And you remember, boy. I _know._ ”

She had purposefully left the threat open, mostly because she didn’t feel like tacking something to it. But, she reasoned, the human imagination could whip up more to terrify itself than any outright list of ailments or assailants could, and anyway, freshmen would take anything a junior said totally seriously. So on that note, she left Obsidian clutching his dumb suitcase in the girls’ bathroom and stepped out into the chaos that was Green Hallway during a power outage.

And it _was_ chaos, no joke. Kids were screaming, phone flashlights were everywhere (Amethyst got blinded a couple times), and somewhere a teacher sounded like she was crying. Fortunately there seemed to be a method to the madness, as most of the students had gravitated towards the walls and into classrooms. As long as she stuck to the center of the hallway and kept her head down, she could move quickly without running the risk of being noticed.

She did hesitate briefly as she weighed her options — Green Hallway had three staircases to the first floor, none of which were nice options. The south stairwell led past the main doors and in full view of a security guard with windows everywhere; definite no. The north stairwell was fine except for its proximity to Room G10, Miss Diamond’s classroom. The stairwell in the middle was being blocked by a not-very-amused Mr. Sandstone.

Nothing was good; she might as well do eenie-meenie-minie-moe to pick one. Either way this was probably a bad idea. So she set off towards the north end of the hallway, prayed that Miss D wouldn’t step outside of her door any time soon, and cursed when she did.

“Ladies and gentlemen,” she bellowed, “you will be SILENT!”

And they were. All at once, a hundred high school kids fell into a deathlike hush as the sharp voice echoed through the corridor. Allnatt Diamond, silhouetted by the grey light filtering in through the north stairwell doors, loomed above the mostly-darkened hallway like a presence from the underworld. _Well, dammit,_ Amethyst thought. Fortunately she was still about ten feet from the main light source and Diamond’s roving gaze, so if she was lucky she’d blend right in with the uncertain shadows.

Miss Diamond waited a second for everyone to fall silent, and then she raised her chin and spoke.

“All students will report to their fourth hour classrooms immediately, and for God’s sake stop acting like five-year-olds.”

The point was simple and unembellished, and with it Diamond simply turned on her heel and returned to her own classroom. Eventually, students began flaking off of the walls and resuming the flow of a hallway, albeit tense, but still moving. Amethyst couldn’t have felt more relieved. Diamond had literally just helped her escape — it wouldn’t be suspicious now to see a student walking around the building, now that everyone was trying to find their classes. She was careful as she passed Room G10, though; even if Diamond had gone back in didn’t mean she wasn’t still watching. Amethyst shuddered.

But she left Green Hallway without a problem and began migrating with some other students down to the first floor. After the stairwell the school was almost entirely dark. Shadows, other students, walked towards any source of light; even the group she had been using for cover turned right, down to the north foyer, where one wall was entirely windows and which would be well-lit despite the power outage. Amethyst went left, down to Yellow Hallway.

She passed through the lunchroom as she went, which was bustling with confused A lunch students. They could see, thanks to a far wall with windows, but it was infinitely better than the north foyer and Amethyst was easily able to slip through — most of the way, at least. Just as she reached the door, an adult voice called, “Excuse me, young man — young lady?”

And Amethyst took this as her cue to split.

Clearly none of the teachers had reached consensus on what the students should be doing when half of the school was pitch dark, if the chaotic state of the lunchroom was anything to go by. A girl next to her, also trying to leave, was taken by the arm and pulled back through the doors. Amethyst got away and joined a murmuring group of shadows in the lightless hallway, all of them rushing in the direction of her locker, but classroom doors began to open seemingly out of nowhere and teachers with flashlights began ushering students inside. Her breath hitched in her throat. She came so far, she had to keep going. She stepped away from the flashlights and started walking faster and with quieter steps, barely hearing the teachers’ voices over the pounding of her heart in her ears.

The dark halls were almost empty now — just herself, the battery-powered glow of the exit signs, and the cinderblock walls she trailed her free hand across. It was fortunate that she knew the school like her own home; nothing here could surprise her. She even anticipated it when the floor began to slope gently underneath her — it meant she was almost free. No one came after her, the lights hadn’t come back on (out for good, she knew it), and she had a guaranteed path to freedom.

This was going pretty great, she thought to herself as she turned down Purple Hallway, which was strikingly empty. Of course it would be. No one went to Purple Hallway for anything except the art rooms. Pleased, Amethyst relaxed her pace and strolled down the corridor to her locker, at the far end of the hall by a glass door that let in enough light for her to easily spin her combination and access her things. Right, she’d bring home her Spanish and algebra stuff because those teachers wouldn’t take excuses for missing assignments, also, Peridot would ask about them. She had her canvas for Peri’s birthday gift, her paints and brushes all in a plastic bag, and they all easily fit in her backpack. Now where was her jacket —

“Hey, kid!”

 _Sweet shit on a shitcake,_ was her first thought, even before she looked up. Behind the shaky light of a flashlight, the unmistakable stocky silhouette of Mr. Max Albus hobbled towards her from the far end of the hallway, not very fast because of his bad knees. But her coat would have to stay.

Her hands shaking from the rush of adrenaline, she slammed her locker shut, grabbed her backpack, and ran.

The exit was only a few paces from her and, flipping up her sweatshirt hoodie to hide her face, she burst through the doors. Wind and white cloud-filtered light slammed into her. Behind her, Mr. Albus shouted a frantic “What are you doing? Stop!” but she only wished she could tell the comparatively much nicer biology teacher sorry, hit the pavement of the parking lot, and sped up.

She whipped around the corner of the building, hoping for a hiding place, and to her utmost relief she found one — the two driver’s education cars parked side by side while the driver’s ed teachers were probably inside trying to subdue chaos. She could still hear heavy, jogging footsteps behind her, so with all the effort Amethyst had, she put it into a sprint before diving behind the furthest car.

She realized, as she tried to catch her breath as quietly as possible (which is much harder than it sounds), that she may have just backed herself into a corner this way. If Mr. Albus checked behind the cars, she was screwed. Too late now, she scolded herself; there was no more cover except that full dumpster, and as desperate as she was, she wasn’t keen on swimming in garbage bags.

An idea came to her in those three seconds as she crouched behind the wheel of the driver’s ed car, and before she had time to think if it was a good one, Mr. Albus came huffing and puffing around the corner of the building. By then she’d already begun acting, and her backpack was off her shoulders and under the body of the car. As quietly as she could manage she lowered herself onto her belly and followed.

Occasionally in wrestling, the coaches had them do an exercise where they lay on the ground and shimmied on their forearms to move. Amethyst used to hate it. Now, she decided as she lay under a car, her head brushing a still-warm hunk of metal, she wouldn’t take it for granted ever again. Mr. Albus was now in earshot and if she hadn’t moved quicker, he would have heard her.

She held her breath as she watched his shoes come closer, up to the body of the first car. The shoes moved right, then around the back, right past her face, and behind the car under which she hid. Then, after a breathless silence, Mr. Albus around and walked back in direction he had come.

Amethyst waited until his shoes disappeared behind the corner before releasing a breath she hadn’t known she was holding. _Not to be cliched or anything, but that was a close one,_ she mused to herself. Just to be careful, she didn’t move for an hour afterwards.

Well, it wasn’t an hour. More like three minutes. But lying on her stomach and being warmed by the underbody of a car three inches from her head all made it feel like much longer. She knew it was three minutes too because her phone vibrated in her back pocket, went quiet, and vibrated again like iPhones do after two minutes. Since there was no sign of Mr. Albus and she couldn’t reach her pocket from under the car, she deemed it safe to reemerge.

Well, even if it was just three minutes, it wasn’t fun, she reflected as she army-crawled out and stretched her back. And the heat of the car made the winter cold all the more bitter. As she gathered her things and fixed her sweater hood, she checked her messages. Some from her friends. One from Peridot.

_What’s going on? The power went out at my house for a minute. From certain Snapchat stories it seems to be similar at the school. Are you okay?_

She couldn’t help but smile at that. Even with something as small as a power outage, Peridot’s first thought was Amethyst.

 _m fine,_ she texted back, and then added, _be right over_ for the mystery vote.

As she made her way to the school parking lot, she felt the phone vibrate in her pocket again. She decided, slyly, to ignore it.

Surprisingly she didn’t run into much opposition as she walked to her car; in fact, she even saw a few other students. That was right — A lunch was going on right now, some of the upperclassmen would be going off campus to eat. Satisfied for the cover, she dropped her hood. If confronted she could just say she was going to lunch. But no one confronted her, no one asked why she was wearing only a hoodie in below-freezing weather, and Amethyst made it to her car in one piece.

And just like that she left.

She arrived at Peridot’s house at 11:45, noting how the driveway was empty. Vidalia must’ve been at those art classes she was teaching, now that Onion went to elementary school. Peridot would be home alone. One less person to explain to, great, she thought as she pulled out the canvas and art supplies from her backpack. Though…the _one_ wouldn’t be fun.

“Amethyst,” said that One, looking up at Amethyst as she stood in the door, “if I’m not mistaken, you’re supposed to be writing your lab questions with Obsidian at this time. I don’t see your lab questions and I don’t see Obsidian.”

“But you see me.” Amethyst smacked on a saucy smile and leaned down to Peridot. The sophomore sat back in her wheelchair, refusing the offered kiss in exchange for glaring Amethyst down.

“I _shouldn’t_ be seeing you. Don’t tell me you skipped class just to come here.”

“I didn’t!” Amethyst rolled her eyes and shifted her art things in her arms. “The power went out, so they can’t teach school. So I left.”

“That was basically my accusation.”

“I didn’t _skip,_ ” she elaborated, “I accepted my dismissal prematurely.”

Peridot said nothing and continued giving her the stink eye. She had lasted an alarming amount of time without blinking and it was kinda unnerving Amethyst. “I…uh…happy…birthday?”

Peridot raised one eyebrow, glanced down (haha), and with practiced agility turned her wheelchair around. “You can keep standing in the cold if you really want, otherwise that door’s not open for nothing,” she called back.

It sounded like something Vidalia would say, but then Amethyst realized it probably was. A smile rose to her lips unbidden.

Not a minute later the same lips were pressed against another pair — just how they said hello nowadays. Peridot, pinned to the couch underneath them, had long since pulled off Amethyst’s hat and had her hands in the thick lavender hair.

“Stop doing illegal things for me,” Peridot breathed, then pulled Amethyst back down before she could protest. Not that she was complaining about the kissing, though. Peridot had become quite skilled.

“Mmm…mmph…you’re one to talk, pretty sure you set a record for most driving laws broken in one night. Ohh…yeah, Peri, keep goin’ right there…”

The kisses had begun trailing down her jaw and neck and Amethyst hummed in appreciation. Then Peridot pulled away and poked her on the nose when she looked back down. “Hey. I promised to not do it again, why didn’t you?”

“I said I wouldn’t do _parties_ ,” Amethyst stuck her bottom lip out petulantly. “I didn’t say anything about coming to see you.”

“Regardless of intent,” Peridot lectured, and accepted a short kiss on the lips before Amethyst began to make work of the rest of her face. She had such nice, smooth cheekbones and they had long since found that she liked contact on the bridge of her nose and around her eyes.

“It doesn’t matter where you _go_ after you skip,” she began again, obviously distracted, “you still skipped school. And how do you know they’re going to let kids go home?”

“Someone Snapchatted it,” Amethyst replied shortly. It was true. Before she knocked on the door, she had checked.

“You like that app too much.”

“Mmm…you’re so tense, P-dot. I think you’re in the mood for some Frenching. That always gets ya goin’.”

“I kinda want something to eat, actually.”

“Pfft. Peri, you’re the best.”

“What?”

“You didn’t mean it?”

“Mean what?”

“To, like, make that innuendo. You know. You want something…to eat?”

She sat up a little and gestured to herself, top to bottom. Peridot’s perfect stink eye had just been returning in greater intensity until that moment, when her eyes flew open in realization. Grimacing, she gave Amethyst a playful shove with her good arm. “Agh — Amethyst! That was _awful!_ ”

Meanwhile Amethyst couldn’t stop laughing, like you do when you make an awful joke and someone affirms that it was exactly as bad as you hoped it would be. “Ahahahah…okay, okay, but really. Go get your food. I’ll have some too if you have extra, but I gotta set up your birthday present. You wanna go up to your room for this or what?”

She stood up and adjusted her sweater, which had gotten all rumpled in the makeout session. Peridot also pushed herself up and replaced her glasses — she’d just gotten new ones that were green instead of black and didn’t have shattered lenses.

“I’m not sure what ‘this’ is,” Peridot replied evenly, or as evenly as someone could while hopping to a wheelchair on one foot.

“I’m painting you. I’ll try to do it fast but you’ll be sitting down for three hours or so.”

“Guess I’ll be in here then. Sour Cream _finally_ fixed the Xbox. Oh, got any requests for food?”

“Eh. Surprise me.”

Peridot then wheeled into the kitchen, leaving Amethyst to set up her things. She had another thought as she went to the garage to borrow an easel and a tarp from Vidalia’s studio, but waited until Peridot returned to the living room with the reheated noodles and butter before mentioning it.

“Hey, Peridot?”

“Yes, Amethyst? Ah, your plate’s on the table.”

“Oh, thanks. Uh…what would you think if I, uh, if I was genderfluid? Like if some days I just wake up and feel kind of, I dunno, less like a girl?”

Over the canvas, she saw Peridot fall back into her couch and balance the plate of noodles and butter on her lap. Three seconds’ awkward silence passed between them before Peridot replied with, “Amethyst?”

“Yeah?”

“What would you think if, during my therapy today, my counselor accidentally discovered that I show symptoms from the autistic spectrum?”

Amethyst was confused for a second, then she raised her eyebrows. Well, that was news. “Okay, sure,” she shrugged, and uncapped the yellow paint. Peridot still hadn’t answered Amethyst’s question, so she asked clumsily, “What about you?”

“That’s fine,” Peridot shrugged in response and kept eating her noodles.

A companionable silence passed over them again. Amethyst put the paint down.

“Hey, Peridot?”

The girl looked up. Amethyst gave her a small smile.

“Thanks.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ending here only because my wrists hurt dammit
> 
> EDIT: 7/22/16: this fic will be on hiatus until september 2 at the latest. if i happen to come back earlier consider it a gift.


	20. Fake You Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> \- Fake You Out — twenty one pilots -
> 
> "I'm so afraid  
> Of what you have to say  
> 'Cause I am quiet now  
> And silence gives you space"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ah yikes

“I’m not listening to that shit,” said Peridot in perfect deadpan.

Amethyst wiped her paint-splattered hands on Vidalia’s borrowed apron as she waited for her phone to connect with the wireless speaker. “Sure you are,” she replied. “You’ll like it, I swear.”

“I probably won’t.” Peridot’s fingers never once stopped clicking away on the Xbox controller.

“Okay, maybe you won’t,” Amethyst relented a little and pulled up her music library, “but I can’t just listen to you slaughter people in Skyrim while I paint you. It’s a little depressing. A soul-crushing hip-hop musical about the first American treasurer will definitely lighten the mood, trust me.”

“Ugh, fine. I’ll let _you_ listen to it. But if you think I’m going to pay attention you’re crazy.”

“A’ight…” Amethyst smiled, made sure shuffle was off, and pressed play.

_“How does a bastard, orphan, son of a whore…”_

Two and a half hours later, the TV was off and Peridot was lying face down on the couch in tears. Amethyst glanced up from her painting, smiling wryly as “ _who lives, who dies, who tells your story”_ faded out. “Did you have fun not listening to that shit?” she asked dryly, to which she received a small whimper.

“He died because he threw away his shot…” Peridot murmured despondently. Amethyst nodded.

“I know, girl. We all been there. Come closer now, I gotta get a better look at your killer eyebrows.”

Peridot moved to her wheelchair (some time ago, Amethyst would have objected to her moving anywhere, but the beanpole of a girl had built up a lot of upper body strength over the past month and she made the transfer relatively easily now) and Amethyst continued painting with her up close. In the three hours since she’d arrived at Peridot’s house, she had completed an approximation of her girlfriend’s face as Amethyst saw her from her vantage point — a bust in three-quarters view facing left (phew!), a strong but warm light source from the nearby lamp, a semi-neutral expression with a hint of awe, which was what most of her expressions had been while listening to what was could be her next fandom craze. It was really impressionist, with big blobs of paint and smeared shapes of color, but that was Amethyst’s style anyway.

“Can I see it yet?” Peridot asked, squirming on her seat. Amethyst leaned forward to kiss her forehead and then examined her face. She had a flat kind of face, so the brow line didn’t create such a harsh contrast between her forehead and her eyes, but her dark eyebrows and sharp nose balanced everything out. They were almost elegant.

“No way,” Amethyst replied and picked up a smaller brush for detail. It wouldn’t be super detailed, as Amethyst didn’t have time for hyperrealism, but eyebrows still needed texture even in her style. “It’s a surprise.”

“It’s you forgetting about my birthday until this morning,” Peridot corrected. Amethyst didn’t meet her eyes.

“No I didn’t,” she lied. Peridot just harrumphed and pulled out her phone. Thirty seconds later the songs from Geometry Dash filled the silence.

Vidalia and Onion came home a little later and Amethyst prepared an explanation. “I don’t even wanna know how long you’ve been here, Ammy,” Vidalia commented as she swung by the living room, Onion and grocery bags in her arms. Amethyst passed her a grin over her shoulder.

“Power went out at school and they let us out early,” she explained. Vidalia raised an eyebrow, but didn’t question it.

“Ooh…I wouldn’t use black to darken the blond. Use your dioxazine purple. And ya might wanna fix that jaw.”

“I know, I’m gettin’ to it,” Amethyst whined, which was the casual artist way of saying thank you.

“You stayin’ for dinner? It’s burrito night.”

Burrito night — aww, yes. But as Amethyst wiped her hands on her apron and pulled out her phone to ask whoever was home, she saw a text message waiting. _Amethyst, come home when convenient. Thank you. ~Pearl._

Guess that was a no.

She stayed two more hours, about the length of a study session and as long as Pearl and Garnet would probably expect her to stay, and managed to tie up the painting. By now Peridot was practically falling out of her chair in anticipation. “I’m just excited,” she said, and Amethyst grinned.

“I know. That’s why it’s a surprise, because you’re cute when you’re excited. You’re not closing your eyes.”

“Oh! Right.” She closed them.

“Okay…” Amethyst carefully lifted the easel and turned it around to face Peridot, sitting on the couch. At one point Vidalia had slipped into the living room and now leaned against the wall, watching the scene unfold in amusement. “Keep in mind though, I don’t have facial proportions exactly downpat yet, and I drew you as I observed you, not really how I SEE you, so if it’s ugly, I’m super sorry. You can look now.”

She watched Peridot’s face as the younger girl opened her eyes slowly, maybe discouraged by Amethyst’s commentary. Amethyst couldn’t say she wasn’t worried. But then awe spread across Peridot’s face, her mouth opened, her eyes went wide, and she grinned. “Amethyst…this is to date the best birthday present I’ve ever received. Vidalia! Vidalia, do you see this?!”

“I see it,” Vidalia smirked as she sashayed into the kitchen — yes, even at her age, she still liked to sashay. “My girl’s so talented.”

Amethyst exhaled long and slow as Peridot reached out and pulled her onto the couch with her. “She _is,”_ Peridot echoed, pressing a quick kiss to Amethyst’s cheek. Then she whispered into Amethyst’s ear, “Though, if you’d given me forewarning, I would’ve asked for a painting of you.”

 _Honestly._ Amethyst snorted. “Cheese much. And anyway, I thought you’ve got, like, five of Vidalia’s hanging on your room already.”

“What — I do not!” Peridot spluttered. Amethyst just laughed and lay her head on Peridot’s shoulder.

“You’re such a creep.”

“Am not.”

“I bet they were hanging there even before we started dating.”

“Oh please. I’m not, and have never been, that weird.”

“You saved the piece of paper I wrote my address and phone number on,” Amethyst said. “You taped it inside your folder, didn’t you?”

Peridot’s face was red from forehead to chin. “M- maybe. But that’s irrelevant! You’re not...mad about me having the paintings, are you?”

She was doing the thing again, the thing with her voice where she would rocket between awkwardness and indignation and awkwardness again. It was the cutest thing, but then again most of what Peridot did was cute. “Well, if it wasn’t okay, Vidalia would never let you have ‘em,” Amethyst said. Something dawned on her, and despite trying to curb it a devilish grin spread across her lips. “Also.”

“What?”

“You forgot something.”

Peridot frowned as she thought, only to turn quickly to satisfaction as Amethyst leaned closer and blinked, slow and sultry. Oho, yeah. The blinking did it. But right before their lips met, Amethyst let her wicked grin show in all its gloating glory.

“Happy three-month-iversary.”

The satisfaction dissolved into shock for a second, and then Amethyst kissed her. It was a messy kiss, interrupted by how much Amethyst was trying not to laugh her ass off, though a good one still. How was that for forgetting a date. _Ha._

They stayed for a few minutes more before Vidalia called dinner. Amethyst kissed Peridot goodbye, long and sweet as they were both tired from such a weird day. She also couldn’t help but notice, as Peridot trailed after her lips, how cute the younger girl’s response to physical touch was. Granted, three months was the longest Amethyst had ever stayed with a girlfriend or boyfriend. But even she knew most people had limits, many wouldn’t have let Amethyst kiss them like that after just three months. Then there was Peridot. Peridot, who once called her out on a stray lock of hair, whose boundaries dissolved entirely once kissing became an option. Peridot, who always wanted more but was too good to take it. Peridot, her girlfriend of three months, thin and strong and trusting in Amethyst’s arms.

_I always thought I might be bad, now I’m sure that it’s true…’cause I think you’re so good, and I’m nothing like you…_

For the second time that day, Amethyst stepped out into the cold winter wind with flushed cheeks, except now not from running. There was a spring in her step. She played her favorite song-of-the-week, a twenty one pilots song this time, all the way home, singing it through and loud. It was with herself, which was a little lame, but she was too content to care.

Pearl’s new car was in the garage. “New” was a gracious term, however, as the thing was a hot pink 1987 VW Bug that Pearl had pulled from a dump a decade ago and fixed up all for Steven — at least, until Peridot crashed Pearl’s white car and the pink Bug changed hands for the time being. Garnet’s running shoes were at the door. Must’ve run instead of carpooling from the fire station. As expected, both adults and Steven were home, all at the kitchen table. Garnet and Pearl had been talking quietly, their faces close. Steven was copying spelling words.

“Amethyst’s back!” Steven beamed. “Were you at Peridot’s?”

“Yeah. And she’s doing fine,” Amethyst replied, setting down her things. She was always charmed by her brother’s concern for her girlfriend. Like he had two sisters now. “She got fitted for her prosthetic today...and it’s her birthday.”

“Oh, I completely forgot!”

“Hehe, same.” She went on to explain how she borrowed paint and a canvas from art class and showed her family a picture of the finished work. Even Pearl, art critic #1, agreed that it was masterfully done.

“How long did it take?” she asked, and held Amethyst’s phone as she zoomed in on different parts of the picture. Amethyst didn’t like it when she took phones to look at things but didn’t comment on it.

“Eh. Six hours ish.”

A mistake. Pearl and Garnet side-eyed her. “If I’m not mistaken, school still gets out at three o’clock,” Garnet commented.

“The power went out before lunch,” Amethyst said truthfully, then began to fudge. “I was just, like, walking down Yellow Hallway since I had to go to my locker, and then the lights all went out and Lazuli’s sub pulled me into her classroom, and after like a half hour, they just said we could go home. So I went to Vidalia’s.”

It was the Lazuli’s sub part that would make her story convincing. Mrs. Lazuli and Coach Jasper hadn’t been at school since before winter break — not fired yet, their things were still in their classrooms, but for the past month, a myriad of substitute teachers had cycled through the two teachers’ classes. The current sub for Lazuli was Miss Opal, usually the nurse’s aide but also owner of a history degree, and additionally the world’s most forgetful teacher. She couldn’t remember a single one of her six periods’ worth of history students; she wouldn’t remember who or even if she’d pulled into her classroom when the lights went out.

“All right,” Pearl told her, like Amethyst knew she would, “but remember, I’ll check the school news.”

 _You go do that,_ she thought.

“Whatever,” she said. “What’s for dinner?”

.

When Amethyst woke up the next morning, she was ready for whatever the day could throw at her, and she knew what that would be.

Since her Orchesis dance company was the second most advanced, they had begun meeting extra days to practice, including Saturdays. The company included only two freshman, Jade and Obsidian. And personally, after yesterday, Amethyst wasn’t excited to talk to either of them.

But Obsidian wasn’t at practice, so Jade sat and danced alone. During their first break, Amethyst left her usual group of friends on the stage and sank down next to the younger girl.

“Hey.”

Jade didn’t even look up from her iced tea. “Hey.”

Amethyst dumped the last of her Cheez-Its down her throat and asked, “What’s up?”

“I’m fine, thank you.” Not exactly a response, but...okay. She tried again.

“Where’s Obsidian?”

“He isn’t participating anymore.”

“Why?”

“He’s busy.”

What actually happened, Amethyst would later come to learn, was that Obsidian had been grounded from using his cellphone, so on Thursday night Jade called him on his home phone. What neither of them knew was that Mr. Talwar had picked up another receiver and heard the entire conversation, leading to both of them unknowingly coming out with him listening. Obsidian was grounded until he graduated. It was either that or agreeing to learn the girls’ dances and wear feminine costumes, but Obsidian was much too stubborn to submit like that. Jade wasn’t formally punished, but her mother had forced her to break up with Obsidian and find a “proper boyfriend”.

It was certainly a better explanation for why Jade’s eyes were rimmed red, but Amethyst didn’t know that and Jade apparently didn’t want to talk. So she just replied, “Okay.”

Sometimes, she wished she was better at asking questions.

-

Despite the Obsidian-shaped hole in the choreography, the dances were coming along extraordinarily well. Amethyst left Orchesis practice tired, sweaty, and content. When she got home, only Pearl’s car was in the garage, and as Amethyst climbed the stairs she heard the older woman speaking from her room.

“Of course,” Pearl’s disembodied voice said. “We tolerate no known misbehavior in this household.”

There was a pause. She must be speaking on the phone, Amethyst reasoned, and continued to her room. Then Pearl spoke again, sharper this time:

“No, I did _not,_ but I’ll have you know that Garnet and I spoke with her after the fact and she said she’ll stop. If you mean — ”

A short pause. Then Pearl asked, much quieter now, “What?”

By now Amethyst knew she was eavesdropping, but she couldn’t move. Pearl was silent for a very, very long time. “Amethyst came home at six thirty,” she finally said. “We asked her where she had been and she _clearly_ stated she had been pulled inside a classroom by Mrs. Lazuli’s substitute. Even if — ”

A sharp silence — interruption.

“Even if — no, listen. It wouldn’t matter what time she was in there, if it’s how you say, there’s no possible way for her to — for Amethyst to simply waltz into your classroom while your back was turned. I’m very sorry, Miss Diamond, but I’m afraid it’s not possible, and you have no grounds to accuse her of such a thing.”

…

“Yes, I agree. It isn’t a matter to be taken lightly. But you called me on my worknight, so I hope you agree that I have things that are important too.”

…

“I’m afraid I can’t.”

…

“No, I won’t. I will not interrogate Amethyst for something you have no proof she did. No — _no_ — I’m not finished speaking. Please don’t interrupt me. Amethyst is sixteen years old. She is perfectly capable of speaking to you like an adult, and I trust after...well, recent events, I trust that she’ll have the maturity to discuss this suspicion with you. If she doesn’t, _then_ you may come to me.”

…

“What _I_ think?”

…

“Well…I think anyone can commit a crime. I would also think, with all due respect, that the last suspect on your list would be a student who hadn’t entered your classroom yet. I’m sure there are plenty other people on your bad side.”

…

“Yes, I understand. But — ”

…

“Ma’am, from the beginning of this conversation you have done nothing but insult and interrupt me. I won’t stand for that.”

…

“No — if you continue to insult me like that I WILL notify the school board.”

…

“I understand, but I’m afraid you’ve crossed the line between investigation and outright disrespect. This conversation is over.”

…

“I don’t want to continue this discussion. Have a good night.”

There was a gentle _tap_ as Pearl set down her phone, then light footsteps. Her stomach in her throat, Amethyst split, tearing down the hall to her room before Pearl could exit hers.

Once safe inside, Amethyst collapsed into her egg chair and knotted her fingers through her hair. _What was that?_ Diamond couldn’t have known she left early. She came in late all the time and she knew Amethyst’s story about being in Opal’s classroom. That didn’t even make sense in context; Pearl had mentioned a crime and skipping wasn’t usually called that, she would know. And she’d said it like there were suspects.

 _Never mind that,_ some part of her thought. Pearl just shut down Miss Diamond. Amethyst hadn’t heard _anyone_ talk to the tyrant teacher like that, not even the legendary trouble trio of Malachite, Sugilite, and herself. As much as she yelled or swore or glared, she couldn’t top how calmly and logically Pearl had ended that conversation.

And more amazingly, whatever Amethyst had done, or whatever Diamond thought she did, Pearl wasn’t mad about it. She’d gone downstairs and likely seen Amethyst’s stuff down there. But she hadn’t called for her. She didn’t wait until the dinner table to carefully ask Amethyst’s opinion. She didn’t mention it at all.

In conclusion, Pearl was royally pissed at Allnatt Diamond.

It did mean, however, that Amethyst was left in the dark about what happened. It kept her up that night, but even after turning over the questions for an hour in her bed, even after replaying what she could remember of that one-sided dialogue, she wasn’t any more satisfied.

Meaning Amethyst was pissed at Allnatt Diamond too.

-

The mystery didn’t bother her as much on Sunday, which was good. It was Valentine’s day and also the release date of Deadpool, which Peridot had wanted to see since they started making it.

At noon, they ate at the breakfast/brunch joint between their houses and then went to the theater. It would be their first movie date. They just hadn’t had the opportunity before the car accident, and afterwards Peridot’s wheelchair meant they would have to sit in the very back with the noisy teens, whining kids, and straight couples making out. But because Peridot got her arm cast off the day before, she graduated from the chair to crutches and a shiny prosthetic foot.

They arrived early, found great seats with each other, and spent the silent pre-preview time messing around with Snapchat filters. During the movie, Amethyst ate two bags of popcorn. Peridot accidentally yelled at the screen twice (she was too used to watching things alone, she confessed later with a blush). Afterwards they finished up weekend homework at Amethyst’s house — Amethyst lost her favorite purple pen, which made her mad, but overall it was satisfying and she got some great kisses out of the day.

Things were great, Amethyst thought. Her life was really looking up.

She was soon to find herself wrong, however.

Monday, fourth hour came. It came too fast and it came with a stone in her stomach. It was that day when she wanted Peridot at her side more than ever. But Peridot was on the other side of the classroom and next to Jade, who was apparently even less responsive than she’d been during Orchesis. All Amethyst had was Obsidian. He wouldn’t look her in the eye, he was wearing an ill-fitting purple blouse, and he smelled like hairspray. Poor kid. Probably no help there.

In sharp contrast, Miss Diamond wouldn’t stop glaring at her. Probably that mysterious crime, Amethyst reasoned. Likely, the teacher would pick out the most minute flaw in Amethyst’s posture to complain about and then tell her to see her after class while springing the news on her. That didn’t happen exactly, and Amethyst thought maybe she was getting away, but while she subtly gestured for Peridot to hurry up and join her in getting the hell out of the classroom, she heard forceful _slap_ of papers against the podium.

“Amethyst, sit down.”

 _Shitting hell,_ Amethyst thought.

“Uh...okay,” Amethyst said.

She passed Peridot a humorless grin as the other girl left on her crutches, but wasted no time in sitting back down. Maybe it was best to “good girl” this one out. She fiddled with the black hair tie around her wrist. “Did I do something wrong?”

“You tell me, Amethyst.” Miss Diamond finally turned around, meeting Amethyst’s eyes with a glare, unrestrained now that they were alone. The stone in Amethyst’s stomach got a little heavier. _Shit, she’s really mad._ “What am I missing? What do I not have in this classroom that I have had all of this year and last year?”

Amethyst looked around but didn’t see anything out of the ordinary. The assistant Pearl was gone, but she came and went when Diamond had errands. “Uh...Pearl isn’t here?”

Miss Diamond’s left eye twitched. “Right,” she said through her teeth, “Pearl is not here. Currently, she is speaking with the principal about the computer you stole.”

Both her brain and mouth said, “What?”

“Are you going to stoop that low, Amethyst?” Diamond asked, leaning forward onto the podium. “You will lie even after all the evidence states that you committed the crime, even after the message _you_ left.”

Her throat was dry, she couldn’t move. “I — I don’t know what you’re talking about — ”

“Are you saying this doesn’t look familiar?” The teacher reached into her breast pocket and held out a small piece of torn notebook paper. It read, in bright purple ink and uneven bubble letters, in Amethyst’s own handwriting:

_YOU DON’T OWN ME, BITCH. — A_

“I didn’t write that,” Amethyst said. “I lost my purple pen, I haven’t used it since at least Thursday. That’s not mine.”

“Convenient.” Clearly, from her tone, Miss Diamond didn’t believe a word of it. “I suppose anyone could copy your handwriting habits down to the letter, using a pen you’ve loved dearly for years. I suppose everyone’s an expert at cussing out a teacher.”

The words were chilling for some reason. “I didn’t do it,” she said feebly. Miss Diamond folded her hands.

“Then perhaps you can explain why you were not reported in any classroom despite the school being in lockdown?”

Right. She still had an alibi, this was fine. “I was in Yellow Hallway ‘cuz I forgot my book in my locker, and then the lights went out and Miss Opal pulled me into Lazuli’s classroom, all the teachers there were doing it. She doesn’t ever take attendance.”

Miss Diamond was quiet as she mulled this over, then met Amethyst’s eyes. “You say you were pulled inside by Miss Opal, but Miss Opal was not at school on Friday. The substitute was instead Mr. Corundum, and he did not recall pulling you into the classroom.”

 _Oh God._ “I mean I don’t _know_ that it was Miss Opal, it could’ve been someone else, like a different classroom around there, it was really dark so I couldn’t tell — ”

“The classrooms in that hallway all have windows,” she interrupted. “Additionally, my coworker, the illustrious and beloved Mr. Albus, said he saw a person of your height and build running out of Purple Hallway, where your locker is located, carrying a backpack and a large case.”

 _The canvas,_ Amethyst knew immediately, but couldn’t say the words. Her excuses were dying out fast.

“My claim against you is this: while I helped other teachers escort their students to safer locations, you entered my empty room, stole a district-issued laptop computer, and left an offensive note clearly in your handwriting from spite. You were the only student unaccounted for, have a history of misbehavior, and were seen exiting the premises before formal dismissal. To the school board, this is enough evidence to issue due punishment. Do you have anything to say in your defense?”

“I didn’t do it,” was all she could force out. Miss Diamond’s scowl deepened.

“Of course not. Until you can prove yourself innocent or tell me the whereabouts of my computer, the school board has decided upon weekend detentions AND a ban from all extracurricular events and activities.”

Amethyst wanted to scream. She wanted to throw her chair across the room, to step up in Diamond’s face and yell as loud as she could that _she didn’t do it._ But she was tired. She felt like her legs after a long practice, except all over; the fatigue didn’t even let her protest. She couldn’t even cry.

So she nodded.

If she had been in any sort of self, she would have instantly noticed her audience when she let the classroom. But tears that wouldn’t fall clouded her eyes and she felt numb, she bumped her elbow on the door handle and didn’t even wince from the pain. She didn’t see Peridot until the younger girl flinched.

She had been lingering by the lockers, just out of view of the door. Amethyst stepped forward.

Peridot stepped back.

Her eyes were wide and darted between Amethyst’s. Like _she_ was the surprised one. She’d been eavesdropping again, what had she expected?

“Peri…”

“I…I have to go.”

She turned around and there wasn’t anything Amethyst could do to stop her. “Peridot, please — ”

“I said I have to go,” Peridot repeated. She limped painfully on her crutches and the new prosthetic, but she didn’t stop. She didn’t look back.

Amethyst could only watch her leave.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i had things to say here i don't remmeber all of them but here's the lowdown
> 
> 1.) prequel is up!! its about rupphire and the 80's and raging homophobia it's called adagio for three its in my works and i'll update it when i don't update this  
> 2.) updates may switch to every 2 weeks i'll keep ya posted but next chapter is def not coming until the 16th. school and stuff i am a junior now and it sucks  
> 3.) sorry for the bad ending but next chap will make up for it. fix it maybe i got a ton of backwards mystery workin to doooo  
> 4.) yes hamilton  
> 5.) yES IT IS POSSIBLE FOR A JUNIOR IN HIGH SCHOOL TO PAINT SOMEONE REALISTICALLY IN UNDER 6 HOURS I DID IT AND AM PROUD  
> 6.) somethign else i dont remember  
> 7.) k bye


	21. The Kids Aren't Alright / Stand By You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> \- The Kids Aren't Alright — Fall Out Boy -
> 
> "And in the end  
> I'd do it all again  
> I think you're my best friend  
> Don't you know that the kids aren't all, kids aren't alright"
> 
> -
> 
> \- Stand By You — Rachel Platten -
> 
> "Oh, tears make kaleidoscopes in your eyes  
> And hurt, I know you're hurting, but so am I —  
> And love, if your wings are broken,  
> Borrow mine so yours can open too"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i see you wiz-witch. i see all.

They didn’t talk about it.

For one, they didn’t have the chance — Peridot stole every one with a hurried “Sorry, I have to finish an English paper”, “I have a test to make up”, “I’m watching Onion.” They still carpooled and met under the stairs, Peridot would still put her hands in the small of Amethyst’s back and tilt her head down to kiss Amethyst’s face. But something had changed. It felt like a question unsaid. A hesitancy to reciprocate when Amethyst indulged herself. Resignation. It’s what made Peridot say she had to get books from the library on Wednesday morning and on Friday too, even though Amethyst never saw her carrying the books home.

She was certain now, Peridot was avoiding her — her and everything that was wrong with her. Peridot had heard it all, she knew Amethyst was struggling, and she refused to say anything about it, didn’t even ask if Amethyst was okay. It was so unlike her that it hurt.

Now the stolen computer part, Amethyst couldn’t blame her about not wanting to talk about that. If she made Peridot talk, whatever Peridot actually thought about her might come spilling out and she could leave. Amethyst couldn’t have that. She wasn’t sure if she could handle losing her best friend in that way, silently, cleanly, from a crime Amethyst didn’t commit. And she had a feeling Peridot knew it too. That whichever way they moved, Peridot could only drift further away.

So they said nothing about it. And by the end of the week, they were saying nothing at all.

.

Peridot was just as confused, if not more.

Unlike Amethyst, Peridot didn’t know if the older girl was innocent, and also unlike the durable Amethyst, Peridot was tired of trouble. Every time it seemed something was finally going right in their relationship, Amethyst would go out and get herself in more hot water, dragging Peridot with her. It was birthing more Events than Peridot had ever handled at one time.

It was also making her look bad. Amethyst hadn’t noticed it, but Miss Diamond didn’t trust Peridot like she used to. Last Thursday, Peridot had gone in to take the quiz she would miss on Friday, but Miss Diamond had made her use a version of the test with scrambled answers and also looked over her shoulder as she took it. “It’s only customary, so smarter students are less likely to pass answers on to their…inferior peers,” the teacher explained, but years of dealing with adults told Peridot that it wasn’t actually customary. It was an excuse.

She worked it out with herself on her log tapes. Three options, spelt out while hunched in her corner of the lunchroom on Tuesday: she could leave Amethyst and clear her name at last, just end all this confusion and drama; she could confront Amethyst and Miss Diamond, potentially creating more drama; she could wait until it all blew over.

Her counterarguments went like this:

1.) Dumping Amethyst: An unpleasant thought. However practical it seemed, it had its impracticalities. It hurt herself to see Amethyst hurt, and surely dumping counted as hurting. Besides Sour Cream and Steven, Amethyst was her only connection to the social world. Peridot had never had one of these before and, quite frankly, it was beginning to grow on her. Even when not taking sentimental sways into consideration — but let’s face it, they would pervade nevertheless — Amethyst had done so much for Peridot. She was funny, sympathetic, sexy. All things Peridot and her snobbish attitude hadn’t expected to have access to, all wrapped up into a wonderful girl who liked Peridot for _Peridot._ No, she might never be able to find such a thing again.

2.) Confronting Amethyst and Diamond: NO NO NO NO NO, what a cloddy idea, why would she even think that?! If she didn’t dump Amethyst first, Amethyst could easily dump her. On the other hand, she liked to think Miss Diamond would be impartial if Peridot provided significant evidence that Amethyst hadn’t committed the crime, but she didn’t have that! Amethyst could have been anywhere between the power outage and coming to her house! And what would she say — “Amethyst didn’t steal your computer because she was kissing the daylights out of me”? Absolutely not, no way, N to the O, _NO!_

3.) Waiting It Out: It’s what she would normally do, just sit until the Event to solve itself. This would be, what, the THIRD Major Event since starting with Family Six, under two months since the last. Her case manager was still straightening out the accident. A behavioral infraction so soon, such as defiance against a teacher or being found as a silent witness of a crime, would be fatal. If she did something, _anything_ wrong, and if it came out in the wrong light, she could easily be taken from Vidalia’s home. And then where would she go? She was a fragile case as it was. No one wanted a disabled, autistic, accident-prone, gay Chinese girl two years from adulthood. She couldn’t risk her future for a relationship, not again.

So Three it was. The only problem was that Peridot had begun listening to the _Hamilton_ soundtrack on her own, and it was a problem because of one line:

_If you stand for nothing, Burr, what will you fall for?_

She didn’t know. That’s what she was scared of. And that, she also knew, was why Amethyst couldn’t look her in the eye.

.

Sometimes when you wake up, you instantly think of what comes next. What you have to do. It’s always crystal clear, jarringly so for so early in the morning, especially if it’s a bad thing. And it makes you wish you had forgotten. That you were stuck in that trancelike midway between reality and sleep instead of plunged into anxiety.

In her opinion, Amethyst thought she should be used to that feeling by now. But alas, here she was, curled in bed and awake at 8 A.M. on a Saturday. Grey morning light seeped through her curtains; she forced herself to stare at it to get herself up. To face her reflection and get dressed in the warmest clothes she owned, a thick black sweater and loose purple sweatpants, to drag the hairbrush through her knotted hair and swallow the pain. To drop her contact lenses and resignedly put on her tinted glasses instead. To not lose her mind.

“I don’t deserve this,” she said.

 _Or maybe I do,_ she thought. _Maybe they’re right. Maybe I just got what was coming for me, being such an awful fucking person. Maybe if I wasn’t then everyone wouldn’t hate me._

She almost threw herself down the stairs — _if I break my neck then I won’t have to go —_ but didn’t since Pearl and Garnet were on the couch below her. Pearl leaned on Garnet’s shoulder, sipping her morning cup of tea, and both women shared a fluffy sunset-orange blanket. Their relationship had always puzzled Amethyst. Clearly, they loved each other, but they had never dated, never married, and shared more casual touches than kisses. It normally made her happy to see them like this since it was so rare to catch, but when they looked up at her she averted her eyes.

There hadn’t been a talk. She thought for sure it’d be the lashing of a lifetime, but just like Peridot, neither Pearl nor Garnet could look her in the eye longer than a few seconds. They didn’t mention it beyond “Your first detention is this Saturday from nine to three”, “Since you’ll be gone, Ruby and Sapphire are coming on Saturday to help fix that frozen gutter”. Certainly they knew what she was thinking about. But they said nothing; Pearl just stood up awkwardly.

“Oh — good morning, Amethyst,” she said. “Ruby and Sapphire will be over in about ten minutes, then we’ll go.”

“Mmmnnngh,” Amethyst replied intelligently, poured a bowl of generic cereal, then plopped down at the table. The cereal tasted like hay. She could feel Pearl watching her, but didn’t look up.

Garnet’s moms arrived five minutes late like they normally did, and Pearl drove Amethyst to the high school. As she trudged inside, Pearl didn’t leave until Amethyst had gotten in, and even then pulled from the empty parking lot very slowly. Waiting to see if Amethyst would bolt, just like the shit she was.

With heavy, echoing steps, Amethyst climbed the stairs to Miss Diamond’s room — the only classroom with a light on. The teacher was waiting for her, her nosy assistant smirking from her side.

“Take a seat, Amethyst,” Miss Diamond ordered.

Amethyst obeyed. She bit her lip hard enough to bleed.

.

Peridot lay on her couch, spewing insults into her tape recorder.

Since her hand healed, she didn’t need the tape recorder anymore, but it had grown on her. Instead of carrying her conspicious journal around everywhere, she had taken to recording things on the tapes and then transferring them to the journal at the end of the day. It allowed for more accurate transcriptions of what she had felt at the time and overall a neater presentation.

It was also much easier to swear.

“Log date 2-20-16, approximately 11:25 A.M.,” she had begun, glanced around furtively to make sure none of the Yellowtails were home to hear her potty mouth, then continued, “I’m the biggest, muddiest, lumpiest clumpiest _clod_ in the multiverses.”

There wasn’t a reason for her self-loathing. Or maybe there was, but she wasn’t gonna think about it. For now she attributed it to being bored. Homework all done. Nothing to study for. No new happenings with her tech blog besides a pebble who didn’t know a a USB port from a headphone jack. Only reruns on TV — even worse, Camp Pining Hearts _Season 5_ reruns. Ugh. Still, for lack of anything else to do, Peridot kept the TV on while she tinkered with a discarded flip phone, taking it apart, rewiring all the buttons because she felt like ruining someone’s day, putting it back together. But eventually, that got boring too.

 _Maybe I should do my exercises like a responsible cripple would have done BEFORE she started her day,_ Peridot thought grumpily as she pushed herself to her feet, wobbling on the unfeeling prosthetic when she set it down. But responsible cripple she was not. The exercises were tedious — a series of muscle stretches, some massaging that she did anyway since her stump ached constantly, and new with her prosthetic, a daily walk without crutches. She hated the walk most of all. Not even the thought was appealing — just have a disheveled one-legged fifteen-year-old hobble around outside in the cold for ten minutes, great idea!

But...it was almost lunchtime and she hated exercising after meals, and if she put it off too long it would become too cold and dark to go out at all. So she might as well. Tossing the rewired flip phone onto the couch, Peridot pocketed her phone, her tape recorder, and her keys in her coat pocket before trudging out the front door.

She took one look outside before going back in.

Bundled up in his big, furry black coat and partly disguised with a black beanie, Obsidian was walking down Peridot’s street. Why? She’d learned to be wary whenever the boy was doing things and for good reason too; she knew as well as Amethyst how Obsidian had lied about helping with the party. And there he was, looking very angry like he tended to be, walking down the opposite side of her street as if on the way to the bus stop. Peridot didn’t think he had seen her, but she still took extra care as she peeked out the window.

Yes, he _was_ making like he was going to school, he had his big red Case-It with him too. He kept walking, and Peridot was about to dismiss the object of her anxiety until someone else passed into her field of vision. On the sidewalk closer to her house, a woman in a teal hijab pushed a baby stroller...which didn’t make sense because the woman was Alexandrite and Alexandrite didn’t have a baby. Peridot herself wasn’t great with children, but the idea of the reclusive — and likely half-blind — college student taking care of infants wasn’t a comforting one.

Now curious, Peridot went out again and intercepted Alexandrite on the sidewalk. She was far enough behind Obsidian that he was in view, but not enough that voices would carry to him over the bleak winter wind. Just like before, Alexandrite had her umbrella, but now Peridot eyed it with some suspicion. Who knew an umbrella was that good at scaring off teens?

“Um...hello,” Peridot said awkwardly. Alexandrite kept pushing her baby stroller.

“Hello, Peridot.”

She offered no explanation for anything. Peridot tried again.

“Er...how are you today?”

“Fine, thank you. How are you?”

“Great,” Peridot replied, “just exercising out my new foot. And, I don’t know, wondering why exactly you’re following Obsidian while pushing an empty baby stroller?”

If Alexandrite was taken aback by her direct statement, she didn’t show it. “He was in my backyard. Actually he was in several people’s backyards. So I followed him.”

“You’re stalking a child.”

“Yes.”

Peridot stared at her for a second before daring to ask, “Why?”

Behind the rainbow sunglasses, Alexandrite’s thick brow furrowed. “I thought I already told you that.”

“You actually didn’t,” Peridot pointed out.

Alexandrite seemed to think about this, and then she responded, “His father is not home today. I spoke with him. Obsidian should not be leaving the house as he is, quote, ‘grounded’, unquote, and there is a camera installed by their front door.”

She had an awful habit of not concluding any of her statements. So Peridot did it for her: “You mean to say, you suspect Obsidian has left his house without parental permission and is up to no good.”

“That is what I said, yes.”

 _You actually didn’t,_ Peridot wanted to say, but refrained.

“So you’re pushing an empty baby stroller why?” she asked.

“To be inconspicuous.”

“And you got it where?”

Alexandrite stopped abruptly, looked down at the stroller, and then said, “I don’t know.”

She started walking again.

Peridot continued on with her, mainly because she was curious. The only problem was Peridot’s leg, which tired quickly after the extended walk, so Alexandrite removed the tray of the baby stroller and let her sit (though _sit_ was a generous term for the strange position she found herself in) in the stroller. She would have objected if she wasn’t so tired and cold and if Alexandrite hadn’t had a soft blanket. So she sat, and occasionally made observations into her tape recorder.

Obsidian also seemed to have no intentions to stay in the cold longer than he had to, and they followed him to the outskirts of the neighborhood. There, he stopped at an empty lot overgrown with weeds, glanced around furtively (not seeing Alexandrite and Peridot behind a large spruce tree), and hunkered down on the curb. Definitely a shifty location. The poorer side of the neighborhood, amidst a bunch of unused lots, a good distance from many houses.

And Obsidian wasn’t doing anything with it.

“He’s been sitting there for ten minutes,” Peridot said after three minutes (she couldn’t be patient, even when stalking someone). Her fingers were numb and she couldn’t feel her ears. Alexandrite had pulled out a Thermos of coffee and poured some into a sippy cup but it was completely black, so Peridot just held it close to her body so she wouldn’t lose any more limbs. Obsidian had also come prepared with something in a bottle, also hot judging by how he held it.

“He’s waiting,” Alexandrite said after a while. Irritably, Peridot tried to sip her bitter coffee just to warm her tongue.

“Waiting for what, death by slow freezing?”

Alexandrite’s lips twitched up in a smile, but she didn’t respond, just shrugged. Peridot thought of something, retracted the idea of saying it, then decided to say it anyway.

“Alexandrite?”

“Hmm?”

“If this is offensive, I apologize, but...does your head covering serve a double function and keep your ears warm?”

“This one does. It’s very thick fabric; I sewed it just for winter.”

“Is it any different from the one you usually wear?”

“The one?”

“Yes, the other teal one.”

“I have twenty-three teal hijabs.”

Peridot fell quiet, mildly amazed.

“The dryer isn’t friendly on the fabrics,” Alexandrite explained, even though it didn’t really explain anything. “Also, you may be interested in turning around.”

Peridot did — an impressive feat when one was sitting up in a baby stroller, looking up at the person pushing them, but was not in fact a baby. (She knocked her head against the hood first.) After she was done rubbing her forehead, she peered around the boughs of the spruce tree and located Obsidian. The only difference in the scene was that he stood up now, and he held his red suitcase-like school bag in his hands.

Then the car came. Black, standard make, older, banged up in places. It stopped beside the curb on the wrong side of the road, with the driver’s side closest to Obsidian. When the window rolled down, Peridot saw a painfully skinny hand, a cigarette, and a shock of white-spotted red hair.

And Alexandrite couldn’t be more conspicuous in how she recognized them.

_“MALACHIIIIIIIITE!”_

Even before Alexandrite could finish the name, Peridot found herself holding onto the baby stroller for dear life. Alexandrite could run _fast,_ even while holding coffee and pushing a girl with a metal leg. Peridot’s coffee was history, left under the spruce tree now far behind them, and she probably swore. No, definitely. There were no sidewalks by the empty lots and Alexandrite had launched both of them onto the street, barreling directly towards Malachite’s car. Everyone — Alexandrite, Malachite, Peridot, and Obsidian — was screaming.

Ten feet before Peridot expected herself to become a green pancake on Malachite’s front fender, Alexandrite let go of the stroller and sped past her, purple umbrella swinging. “Get Obsidian!” she yelled to Peridot, and stuck her umbrella through Malachite’s window as the girl frantically tried to close it.

The message was clear. This was not to be taken lightly. Peridot scrambled out of the baby stroller as fast and gracefully as she could, which was neither fast nor graceful, and locked onto Obsidian. He wasn’t going very fast either as he was weighed down by his Case-It and running through hip-height dead grass. Throwing caution and her disability to the wind, Peridot raced after him, grabbed the hood of his coat, and sent both of them sprawling.

Much the same as their first fight at the party, it was passion versus fear, but this time passion won. Peridot grappled for the Case-It, which Obsidian had in an iron grip. “Why — do we — keep doing this?!” she panted, struggling to avoid his flailing fist, and managing to push him to the ground. To make him stay she planted her metal foot on his chest. “HA!”

“Get the hell off me,” Obsidian grunted. Peridot straightened her glasses and methodically shifted some of her weight to the prosthetic foot on his chest, even though it hurt her just as much. On second thought, she also whipped out her tape recorder — a recorded confession might be very helpful.

“What’s in that bag and what are you doing with Malachite?” she fired, shoving the tape recorder in his face. For a moment he stopped struggling and breathed into the recorder. Peridot awaited his response proudly…

“Fuck off.”

She braced herself for another round of fighting, but he just glared at her until she had to look away. Alexandrite was still struggling with Malachite and had Malachite’s hand pinned behind her back, the umbrella forcing her chin up like a sword.

“Obsidian, don’t you FUCKING DARE tell her!” Malachite shrieked. Loud enough for the tape recorder to pick it up. Peridot turned back to the boy. She could _see_ him fighting with himself — with fear, a look she knew all too well.

“Listen,” she told him, trying to make her voice softer. “You don’t have to do what she’s telling you to. Just give it up, maybe we can help you. Please.”

“No...no, I won’t, I can’t.” Obsidian sniffled. He had begun to cry, big wet tears forming in his eyes, and Peridot was forced to remember that he was still a lot younger than she. Fourteen, sixteen, mathematically not much different, but two years made all the difference when you were young and unstable and definitely not in a safe household. He wouldn’t give up anything, even if it was harmful, because he didn’t have anything else to hold on to. Peridot had seen it all before.

So she looked him in the eye and said, “Fine. Then I will.”

Before Obsidian could act, she bent down and ripped the folder out of his hands — surprisingly easy now that the poor kid was having a mental breakdown, as awful as that was to say. It took her a good few seconds to figure out how to open it, but as Obsidian sniffled and and Malachite screamed obscenities, Peridot unzipped the heavy case.

For a second, she didn’t understand what she saw. She’d expected drugs, guns, maybe money. Whatever it was that impressionable kids smuggled to morally questionable almost-adults.

Instead, there was a black laptop labeled with a sticker: _Property of Beach City High School. Return to Allnatt Diamond, Room G203._

“Miss Diamond’s computer,” said Peridot, numb.

Obsidian’s gaze flicked to the side and he opened his mouth, but no words came out.

“Where did you get it?”

Still Obsidian said nothing. That’s when Peridot’s temper snapped.

_“Did or did you not steal Miss Diamond’s laptop and frame my Amethyst?”_

“It — it wasn’t even my idea.” He choked on the words. “Malachite told me to — to do something and frame it on Amethyst, I didn’t know what but then she left school and I was the last one in Diamond’s room, and I just hate her so much, I HATE Amethyst, you and her ruined my fucking life so — so I wanted to ruin hers! There! Are you happy now?!”

“Did you write that note?” she demanded.

Dragging his hand across his face, he glared at her again. “What do YOU think? I’m her lab partner, I know her writing. It wasn’t even hard.”

Peridot was quiet as she took it in. By Malachite’s car, another scuffle broke out as Malachite escaped Alexandrite’s grasp, threw her umbrella into the street, and socked her in the gut hard enough to make Alexandrite fly back a good meter or so. Not great, but Peridot actually couldn’t care less about Malachite, and what was she supposed to do about her jumping back in her car and speeding away fast enough to make skid marks? Obsidian was priority.

‘Why were you giving it to Malachite?” she asked finally.

He just sniffled. “Why does it matter?”

“Because it’s probably important. Tell me please.”

“She was gonna sell it. She — she promised me that if I did something like that, she’d get me out of this hellhole. It just seemed like the right thing to do...I didn’t know where else to go…”

“You needed help,” said Alexandrite, walking up to them. Clearly she’d given up chasing Malachite, and she adjusted her hijab beore stopping and folding her arms. Obsidian stared at her, then back at Peridot, then at her. He nodded.

Alexandrite pursed her lips. “Peridot, get off him,” she said at last, “Obsidian, stand up. I am taking you both home.”

Peridot complied and Obsidian stood up, but scrambled back. “You can’t tell my dad, Alexandrite, please, if you do he’ll kill me. Please don’t, you can’t do this, please…”

For a while, Alexandrite just looked at him, then walked back to where her baby stroller had fallen against the curb. She righted it and pointed to the seat. “Peridot. In.”

“Are we just leaving him here?” Peridot asked, climbing back into the stroller and wrapping the blankets around herself again. Miss Diamond’s computer was cradled in her lap. Obsidian still stood in the empty lot, face wet with tears, but Alexandrite shook her head.

“No. We live on the same street. He’ll follow us.”

Sure enough, as Alexandrite pushed Peridot back in the way they’d come, the boy began to trail about thirty feet behind them. Also by this point, Alexandrite had taken out her phone. “Yes, I’d like to report a sighting of a missing person,” she said, then after a silence replied, “Malachite Lazuli. No, sorry, I am walking home from the location but I can be there as soon as I do that. Oh. Yes, she was in a black Hyundai, older model, on a lot of...er, Marshall Lane, meeting with a young neighbor child…”

A wet dot pecked Peridot’s hand and snapped her out of her daze. Rain. Alexandrite opened her umbrella (one wire was now bent) and pulled the hood of the baby stroller over Peridot’s head, but both organic and prosthetic feet were still exposed. Awkwardly Peridot tucked them underneath herself and shifted the laptop in her arms.

“Obsidian, if you want to sulk, it’s much nicer to do it under an umbrella,” Alexandrite called. Judging by the moment of silence, Obsidian didn’t want to talk. But judging by the gradual _patter patter_ of footsteps up to the stroller, Obsidian didn’t want to get wet either.

In the quiet and cold, Peridot found herself staring at the laptop again. So Amethyst was innocent. “I have to tell them,” she murmured to herself, then pulled out her phone. She had Garnet and Pearl’s numbers from back when Amethyst was grounded and they couldn’t get on their dates without rides, and Steven’s just because, and she knew the child was the most likely to answer. So she called Steven.

He picked up on the first ring. _“Oh. Hey, Peridot,”_ he said. _“How’s, uh...everything going?”_

“Spectacular, for being pushed in a baby stroller by your weird cousin.”

_“Huh?”_

“Your cousin. Alexandrite.”

_“Oh, right, Pearl’s niece. Why…are you…?”_

“Steven, are Pearl and Garnet home?”

_“Yes…?”_

“Get them in the room with you. Now!”

_“Ah — okay, okay!”_

Peridot twitched her organic foot anxiously, watching the increasing rain as Steven organized himself and his house-sharers. Finally, there was a dull click and a thud.

_“Okay, Peridot, you’re on speaker. You can talk now.”_

“Thank you. Garnet, Pearl,” Peridot tested.

 _“Peridot,”_ responded Garnet’s voice.

 _“Is there something wrong?”_ asked Pearl’s voice.

 _“Hey…_ ” put in an unfamiliar voice before another unfamiliar voice whispered quite loudly, “ _Ruby, we’re supposed to be eavesdropping.”_

Um...Okay. “Yes…er, no.” Oh, this was awkward to say now. “Were you informed of Amethyst’s suspected association with the theft of our biology teacher’s computer?”

 _“Get to the point,”_ said Garnet stoutly.

“I found it…the computer. Amethyst didn’t steal it; I have a taped confession from the real thief. Can either — er — any one of you drive me to the school?”

There was a period of relative silence, punctuated by muffled conversation in the background. When someone started talking to Peridot again, it was the second of the mystery people who had been “eavesdropping”. _“Peridot,”_ the clear voice said, _“this is Sapphire, one of Garnet’s mothers. We’ve come to the conclusion that all of us are coming.”_

 _“Plus we wanna see what kinda knight in shining armor our lil’ Amethyst is dating,”_ put in the other stranger, the “Ruby” addressed earlier.

“ _We’ll be right over,”_ finished Garnet.

They hung up. It was really pouring rain now, but Peridot stuck her head outside the hood of the baby stroller anyway and called back to Alexandrite.

“Can we...maybe, _please_ hurry me home?” she asked. In response, Alexandrite looked down at Obsidian. The boy gave Peridot a scathing glare.

“I’d rather not.”

“Okay,” she said quickly, and retreated back under her stroller hood.

.

It was freezing in the classroom, but Amethyst seemed to be the only one bothered by it. Even her thick sweater wasn’t enough. So Amethyst just sat at her desk, shivering, bored, hungry since she had forgotten to pack a lunch. Except for two five-minute bathroom breaks, she was not allowed to leave the classroom until her six hours were up.

The only exception was to complete Diamond’s “tasks”. The tasks took the form of a menial, drudging list: organizing books, scrubbing marks off desks, stapling papers, writing “I will respect the property of others and will not take what does not belong to me without permission” two hundred times, and finally composing a self-reflective essay on why stealing was wrong. It wasn’t required to do any of these tasks, but it was minutely better than sitting straight-backed in a chair for six hours. She knew that well — this was her third weekend detention; she’d tried both the tasks and the boredom before.

But this one, despite knowing what she’d have to face, was the worst. Because she knew she hadn’t asked for it.

The hours slogged.

It was an hour and a half in. Ten thirty. Amethyst had finished the paper stapling and book arranging, all under Banana Bread Pearl’s critical gaze. It was still freezing, so the movements were good at keeping her warm, but she had to spread out the more active tasks among the writing tasks or time would drag even slower.

 _As if it could actually get shittier than this,_ a voice in her head grumbled.

The classroom door opened and Diamond stepped in, a Starbucks cup in her hand. Had she really left? Well, maybe if Amethyst had noticed, she would’ve tried distracting Banana Bread and splitting. Or something.

 _No,_ she reminded herself, _don’t even think of stuff like that. Diamond reads minds yanno._

 _Then why can’t she see I didn’t do it,_ she countered herself, and subsequently thought no more goody-two-shoes thoughts.

Ten thirty-one. Miss Diamond went back to her office without looking at Amethyst. Sighing, Amethyst put her pen to her paper and began to write a list of I’s down the paper. A crumpled piece of paper hit her head.

“Write the full sentence, please,” Banana Pearl snapped. Amethyst sent her a glare, but she was already back on her phone. Begrudgingly Amethyst went back to the first line and finished the sentence.

_I will respect the property of others and will not take what does not belong to me without permission. I will respect the property of others and will not take what does not belong to me without permission. I will respect the property of others and will not take what does not belong to me without permission. I will respect…_

Eleven o’clock.

She almost fell asleep, but Miss Pearl smacked a ruler on the desk and she had to return to writing. Only twenty-two lines done and her hand already ached. And she was getting really hungry now, but she couldn’t say anything; detention had a strict “no speaking unless spoken to” rule.

One word at a time. _I. will. respect. the. property. of. others._ She rubbed her palms together to stay warm. It didn’t help.

Noon rolled around and Amethyst predicted that the sounds of Miss Pearl typing on her unmuted iPhone was going to haunt her nightmares. She had finished sixty sentences and was seriously considering doing that essay. Outside, Amethyst recognized the sounds of footsteps up the nearest stairwell, but she reasoned it was just a janitor. Those guys came around now and again.

But she stopped and listened closer when she realized there were multiple sets of footsteps, moving rather quickly. Someone was speaking so quietly that Amethyst nearly thought she had imagined it.

Everything fell silent again. Then someone knocked — three sharp, quick taps. _Peridot._

Miss Pearl got the door, cracking it open enough for her to see but not for Amethyst. “This is not a school day,” she said. “Who let you into the building?”

“No one, replied Peridot’s voice, “b- but it’s an emergency!”

“That’s no excuse to break into a district building on a weekend — ”

“Pearl.”

Both Miss Pearl and Amethyst jumped at the sudden voice, alarmingly close. Diamond was standing three feet behind Amethyst, arms folded. She’d somehow left her office without her loud shoes making any sound.

“Yes, Miss Diamond?” Miss Pearl responded nervously.

“Why is there a student outside my classroom?”

“I don’t know! I was just about to tell her that — ”

“Let her in.”

Nodding vigorously, Miss Pearl opened the door and Peridot crept in, bedraggled and carrying something wrapped in a damp pink blanket. She didn’t have time to meet Amethyst’s eyes before Amethyst jerked away. Amethyst couldn’t even imagine what Perdot would be here for — doing volunteer work to look good for her favorite teacher. Or to see how awful Amethyst looked in detention. Neither made sense — but _she_ didn’t care, did she?

Wrong.

Peridot was panting, and steadied herself on Diamond’s desk. “Miss Diamond. I’m sorry to contact you this way, but I felt it would be easiest to — ”

Miss Diamond stepped past Amethyst, raising a hand. “As I hope you can see, you are intruding on a disciplinary session. Which of your guardians brought you here?”

“N...neither. I was provided transportation by…Amethyst’s guardians.”

Despite herself, Amethyst looked up. Diamond’s back was to Amethyst, but by Peridot’s tensed expression and the teacher’s voice, she could guess this information hadn’t made Miss Diamond any happier.

 _“Well._ If you’re simply here to stare, I will ask you to return at a more convenient time.”

“Wait!”

Miss Diamond shifted her weight, allowing Amethyst to see how much she was glaring. But she let Peridot continue.

“I — I wouldn’t have come just to waste your time.”

“You already have.”

Peridot’s hands, clutching her bundle, were beginning to shake. “No, I mean... the reason I came... the real reason is... I came to return this.”

She set her blanket bundle on the nearest desk and pulled back the folds. Inside, intact, was a laptop computer. MIss Diamond crossed the distance in one, lazy step and picked up the device.

“Where did you get this?”

“Obsidian Talwar. He had it when I found him — ”

“ _She_ had neither the motive nor the means to commit such a crime. I have already examined her case.”

“But I have proof! I spoke with h...him! He stole it last Friday, he was going to give it to Malachite but I intercepted him not an hour ago. If you wish, I’d like to show you the evidence I collected, including a taped confession from my tape recorder which — ”

“I’ve heard enough! I don’t care about _evidence_ or _confessions._ ”

Peridot stepped back. “What?”

Miss Diamond opened her mouth, but Amethyst was faster. She shot to her feet. “Yeah, _ma’am,”_ she rasped, voice cracking from hours of silence. “What’s wrong with evidence?”

The teacher whirled around. “Sit down, Amethyst.”

Amethyst didn’t. “No. Peri’s got proof I didn’t do it, why do I have to do time for something I didn’t — ”

“ _You_ have to stay because _you_ chose to disrespect my verdict. You have done nothing but complain since the day you entered this classroom, and your only response to this punishment was blatant lies. Even without the theft of district property, my punishment on you is a mercy. You _will_ sit back down, Amethyst. As for you, Peridot, you _will_ quit standing up for this delinquent. She and her family are nothing but trouble and I want you out of it. Just make that happen.”

Every word was like a slap, and by the end of it, Amethyst stung too much to hold herself up. She didn’t want to give in. But when DIamond turned to Peridot, she had to sink. This was it. Peridot had already lost enough faith in her and she took her teacher so seriously, it was as good as done.

Then came the song, defiant, loud:

“NO!”

Miss Pearl gasped, Amethyst looked up again, and Miss Diamond looked absolutely scandalized.

“Are you questioning my authority?”

“I’m — questioning your objectivity! Ma’am,” added Peridot meekly. Her whole body trembled now, her prosthetic leg visibly quivering from fear.

“Well!” Pearl breathed. Diamond straightened her back and set her laptop down on her desk with a _thud._

“You are out of line, Peridot.”

“I just think — ” Peridot tried, but Diamond was no longer listening.

“I’m not interested in the biased thoughts of a student.”

“But — ”

“You have disturbed a sanctioned detention and my time with your presence, and you would do well to — ”

“But…”

“ _SHUT YOUR MOUTH!_ ”

The phrase was like a switch. One second, Peridot was shaking, neck deep in her argument; the next, drawn in and wide-eyed and so still that Amethyst almost saw the memories herself. A strike if she disobeyed. A slap if she looked the wrong way.

“You have greatly disappointed me, Peridot. Your only chance to redeem yourself is to obey this _simple order._ You are to leave Amethyst Espina to complete her detentions. You are never to associate with her disgusting household ever again, and you _will_ focus on your own studies. Amethyst will bear her consequences on her own, and I will take immense satisfaction in seeing the Rosewood legacy out of this classroom for good! IS...THAT...CLEAR?”

“ _I won’t do it!”_ Peridot’s fists clenched — and for the first time she looked Miss Diamond in the eye and raised her voice. “I can tell you with certainty that these people are worth protecting!”

“What do _you_ know about the Rosewoods?”

“Apparently more than YOU...you... _CLOD!”_

Miss Diamond’s face went from red to purple. “Holy smokes,” Amethyst said in the silence. Peridot, meanwhile, looked as if she was staring death in the face.

“I need to leave now,” she squeaked.

What happened next came very fast, almost faster than Amethyst was able to think it. Peridot stumbled back to the door, but Miss Diamond went after her, reaching out to the girl’s coat hood. Amethyst didn’t remember standing up. What she did know was yelling something, launching herself forward —

— and flying backwards again, her cheek stinging, her head snapping back at a lance of pain in her left eye.

She found herself on her hands and knees, blood pounding in her ears, staring down at purple shards of glass on the floor. Something was wrong with her eyes. The left one ached and had begun to close up on its own. Bruised, definitely. So her glasses broke and she got a black eye. From...Diamond.

The door opened and Amethyst looked up to see, unexpectedly, Steven, Pearl, and Sapphire rushing towards her. Garnet and Ruby had stepped between Peridot and Miss Diamond. But the teacher wasn’t looking at Peridot anymore, only stared horrified at Amethyst.

“Amethyst, you’re bleeding,” Steven said, he and Pearl helping her to her feet. Sapphire pulled a white handkerchief from her pocket, took off Amethyst’s shattered glasses, and dabbed the cloth gently under her eye.

“Just a scratch and bruise, thankfully,” Sapphire said, “but we need to get ice on it or it may get worse.” She glared at Miss Diamond.

“It was an _accident,”_ Diamond seethed. “She attacked me, I could only defend myself — ”

“While you also did what? Grab a disabled chick?” Ruby shot. “Oh, you know what you were gonna do, _I_ know what you were gonna do. Didn’t think you’d stoop that low.”

Garnet put her hand on her fiery parent’s shoulder and stepped forward. She didn’t say anything, just faced the teacher, eye to sunglasses. Miss Diamond inadvertently stepped back and bumped into her desk. “Are you trying to intimidate me?”

In response, Garnet inclined her chin and stuck her hands in her pockets. “Not on purpose,” she said simply, then, “but you already know how we’re going to handle this, Allnatt.”

She led the way out, letting Peridot use her as a very large crutch, and similarly Amethyst leaned on Pearl as she passed by Miss Diamond. For some reason, she couldn’t stop smiling. She wasn’t happy, and she couldn’t be relieved because she knew this was far from over, but somehow she couldn’t keep that grin off her face. Maybe it was just the irony. She’d spent all of sophomore year and a good part of junior year grumbling about how to ruin Diamond’s life, and then the teacher did it on her own in a second.

As Amethyst passed by Diamond, she met her gaze and held it. For the first time, Allnatt Diamond was the one to turn away.

“Alexandrite called,” Garnet reported from her phone as all seven of them piled into the van. Pearl drove with Garnet shotgun; Ruby, Sapphire, and Steven claimed the middle row; Amethyst and Peridot collapsed into the far backseat.

“She said,” continued Garnet, “that Malachite Lazuli is again off the grid and Obsidian Talwar has repeated his testimony to the local police. We’ll be taking a visit to add some things, if you don’t mind.”

Amethyst settled down in the seat farthest to the left, letting Peridot choose either the middle or the far right. It was understandable if the girl didn’t want to get close to her so soon again, or even if their relationship had a different definition now at all, but as Peridot tended to do, she surprised Amethyst. Peridot sank down next to her, hesitated, then lay her head on Amethyst’s shoulder.

“I don’t wanna do anything for, like, a _month,”_ Amethyst announced. A ripple of agreement came from her family — her gross, disgraceful, wonderful family — and her girlfriend smiled.

She found Peridot’s hand and held it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i had a different plan for the ending but i am quite tired and have a sore neck so hahah oops tis rushed
> 
> will try to get the end of act II up by october 7!!! very fluff much happy, and then i will discuss some things then. in that A/N and would like some feedback. 
> 
> thanks and sry for the wait!! this was such an interesting sort of mystery to write, it really threw me for a loop as well so haha kudos to anyone who figured it out before i did, you probably could have gotten the chapter out faster than i did


	22. This is Gospel (End of Act II)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> END OF ACT II.
> 
> \- This Is Gospel — Panic! At the Disco -
> 
> "Oh, this is the beat of my heart, this is the beat of my heart;  
> The gnashing teeth and criminal tongues conspire against the odds  
> But they haven’t seen the best of us yet"

_ Two Months Later _

_. _

Amethyst leaned over the sink. Behind her around the girls’ bathroom, thirty teens bustled and fussed, calling over each other in high, nervous voices. The thrill before an Orchesis performance never died, Amethyst thought as she balanced her contact lens on her index finger, and a blink later her world was tinted pale purple. Not that it made much difference, as the dancers’ costumes were purple anyway. 

“Lookin’ good, Jade,” Amethyst called out. The tiny girl stopped at the sink next to her and fiddled with her costume shirt. From what Amethyst had heard, there had been no costumes in her size, so Jade took pictures of them and sewed exact replicas in a few nights. 

“The skirt hem is uneven,” said Jade solemnly. Amethyst took a look, saw nothing wrong, and shrugged. 

“Looks fine to me.” Absentmindedly she reached for her concealer, but knocked it off the countertop. Jade caught it.

“Is that for…?”

She didn’t even need to finish. “Yeah,” replied Amethyst. She had expected the cut from her shattered glasses to heal, but every time she blinked, it kept opening up until it was a whitish scar along the rim of her lower eyelid. Concealer helped. She still had a little squint sometimes, though Peridot said it was cute. 

Jade had been staring and looked away. “Oh. And, um, I...never said thank you,” she said hesitantly. Amethyst frowned as se dabbed on the concealer. 

“For what?”

“For helping my boyfriend. I didn’t want to cause trouble by interfering. I’m glad that you...and, and your girlfriend, and your family, I’m glad that you could help him.”

“Oh. Thanks. Or, uh, no prob, I guess,” Amethyst said, confused. Honestly this had been the last thing she’d expected to talk about now. “I thought you’d be mad, to be honest. So he’s doing okay?”

For once, Jade’s face brightened. “He’s doing great, in fact! Well, as great as he  _ can  _ be while homeschooling, but your grandparents really did a number on his dad.”

“Wait.” Amethyst set down her concealer and moved on to eyeliner. “My grandparents? You mean Ruby and Sapphire?”

“Yes, sorry. Your...grandmothers? They talked to Mr. Talwar, didn’t you know?”

“Really.”

“They convinced him to let Obsidian take puberty blockers, and once he’s older and more certain, he can get surgery and a legal gender change. He’s...still grounded, and he’s working off his punishments for stealing the computer. But whatever Ruby and Sapphire said to that old sot of a dad, it worked  _ wonderfully.  _ I’ve never seen Dian happier.”

The bathroom door opened and Sardonyx strutted in. “Ten minutes to showtime, ladies!” she called. Amethyst finished off her eyeliner wings and breathed out. Ready. 

“That’s, uh, great,” she said to Jade, then, “Has...he said anything about me?”

“Oh. Well…” Ducking under the paper towel dispenser, Jade dug around in her bag for a while before pulling out her phone. “He said to only show you this if you asked. You have to put it up to your ear to hear.”

It was a recording taken on the phone’s built-in voice memo app. Confused, Amethyst pressed play and did as Jade instructed. 

For a while there was nothing. Then a deep breath. 

“To Amethyst,” Obsidian’s voice began, “I’m reading this off a paper because I think sending a letter is stupid, but this is stupid too so I hope you never ask Jade what I said about you. But if you’re hearing this, I guess you did, so whatever. 

“I wanted to tell you...ugh. I really fucked up, I misdirected my anger and lashed out, and I should’ve been mad at my brother or Malachite for manipulating me, but I wasn’t in a great place and I want to get better about that. I’m taking therapy now if you wanted to know. And, uh, Jade probably told you about the shit with my dad and your...uh, the Sapphire and Ruby people. I...thanks. I think that’s all I got. 

The recording stopped. Unsure of what to think, Amethyst handed the phone back to Jade, but the girl pushed it back. “There’s another one.” She pressed an audio clip just below the first. Obsidian’s voice returned:

“I forgot to mention. I got to see my brother and Sugilite, down at juvie hall. My brother didn’t say anything but Sugilite did. She said...she understands now. What it’s like to be so scared and shit. I mean...I don’t know if you know what goes on in that place, but...fuck, sorry. We. We wanna apologize. Both of us, me and Sugilite. LIke. For what you went through. She says she doesn’t expect you to forgive her, or Malachite, or my brother and me. But I hope you can. I’m really, really fucking sorry. And I’m gonna get better.”

After that, Amethyst assumed he was done, and was about to pull the silent phone away from her ear. Then: 

“And I’m not just saying any of that because your girlfriend’s standing behind me. Seriously, it’s freakin’ me out. Get her a life.”

Amethyst chuckled. Jade took her phone back, a tentative smile plucking at her lips as she was apparently familiar with the recordings.

“She really was there,” Jade said. “I think she and Dian have a rivalry now.”

“No kidding.” Amethyst turned to the bathroom’s full length mirror and did a onceover of herself before another dancer butted in. “Well, tell him I said thanks.”

“For what?”

“Dunno. Being basically civil about this whole thing. I know that’s tough for him.” Laughing to herself, she joined the flow of dancers out the door before Jade could think too much into it. 

Her water bottle was empty, so she parted from her group and took a detour down to the nice water fountains at the front of the school. On her way, she passed the very long ticket line and waved to some familiar faces. Jenny and Buck had come to support Sour Cream, head of the sound crew. Aventurine and Poemä were there, probably to see their niece Labra, the best tap dancer in the show. Mr. Max Albus, his wife, and two of his six kids were also waiting to support the other four. 

“Oh — Amethyst!” Mr. Albus called. “Check your school email, I made a typo on the worksheet and sent out a new copy; it’s now due Tuesday.”

“A’ight, thanks!” she yelled back.  _ Yes.  _ She couldn’t help but be so grateful for a teacher like Albus. When Miss Diamond was fired, he gave up his lunch break and all of his free periods to take her classes. The first, fourth, and six hour biology classes, which had overlapped between both teachers, were lumped into huge, sixty-person classes that met in the auditorium for lectures. It was a temporary fix, of course — just until there was a more permanent replacement for Diamond — but Albus still went out of his way to learn his “refugee” students’ names. Sure, he moved fast and talked even faster, but his thorough pace was actually relief in comparison to Diamond’s daunting piles of busywork. 

Diamond herself...there was a story. 

After Pearl, Garnet, Ruby, and Sapphire pulled Amethyst from detention, neither she nor Peridot had had to talk to Miss Diamond for a while. They gave their testimonies to the police and the school board. Oh, it was far from pleasant, as she had had to look back  _ twice  _ and tell the exact details of how she remembered Miss Diamond hitting her. But at least she didn’t have to speak to the woman. 

Since it was a weekend, the police acted faster than the school board did. Before the sun went down, they gathered tapes from the security camera inside the classroom and drew their conclusions — Miss Diamond had physically reached for a student and struck another one, injuring her. It was an unwarranted action, regardless of what either Amethyst or Peridot had said to her before. No  _ if _ s or  _ but _ s about it. Still, Miss Diamond called for a trial, and this was where Amethyst had gotten nervous. Of course she’d be nervous — she was a teenage Latina with a rap sheet and a penniless family; Diamond was a white teacher with a spotless record and millionaire parents. Statistically she stood no chance.

But somehow, the judge had to take only one look at the security tape. The case was closed before Amethyst had to give one more testimony. 

On Monday, Miss Diamond had been in court. On Tuesday, a sign on her door read in Max Albus’s handwriting:  _ Meet in Auditorium.  _

Amethyst saw Miss Diamond only once more. Wednesday night, not four nights after being hit, after a long Orchesis practice where she’d had to catch up with what she missed. She still wore a band-aid under her eye. And Diamond was there but she hadn’t seen Amethyst as she walked to the door, carrying an impressive load of three boxes, a briefcase, and a plastic bin of files. The former teacher still wore her high heels.  _ Clack. Clack. Clack. _

Naturally, Amethyst’s first thought had been to not let Miss Diamond see her. Why would Amethyst interact at all with her after what she’d done? She deserved to struggle. Whenever Amethyst blinked, her cut stung and she was reminded of what Diamond had done to her. Diamond had made her life hell for almost two years. She had forced Amethyst to work with Sugilite, who’d pulled Amethyst into an abusive relationship. She had alienated Amethyst from Garnet and Pearl by telling them that Amethyst’s depression and Irlen’s Syndrome were laziness and defiance. She had tried to tell Peridot, the one good thing about school, that Amethyst would ruin her life. It’d only serve the bitch right to leave her alone. Wasn’t that the point of justice?

And Amethyst stopped because she knew why she was arguing with herself. She was right, but that wasn’t all. She’d hurt her share of people too, maybe not to Diamond’s extent, maybe worse, who knew. But the people she’d hurt still came back to her — Pearl, Garnet, Greg, Vidalia, Steven, Peridot. They’d come back to her, not because they felt like they owed her, but because they wanted to give her a second chance. And if she’d never gotten that chance she probably wouldn’t be here. 

Sure, Diamond didn’t deserve kindness. Sugilite didn’t deserve it; Obsidian didn’t deserve it; Malachite didn’t deserve it. But if Amethyst didn’t take a step, who would?

It spent some deal of self-control, and no small amount of courage. Soon Amethyst quickened her pace, slung her dance bag over her shoulder to free her hands, and met the teacher’s gaze like nothing had gone wrong. “I can take those,” Amethyst offered, her voice cracking, and gestured to the stack of boxes. Miss Diamond didn’t speak. Then, sighing, she stopped and let Amethyst take the boxes. Unexpectedly heavy, but not unbearable. 

They didn’t speak then, and they didn’t afterwards. Amethyst had carried the boxes out to DIamond’s sleek black car, put them in the empty passenger’s seat, and continued out to her own. And so their story ended with silence. 

“Amethyst!”

In real time, she whirled around, bewildered. Right. She was on her way to the backstage area. She had been passing the auditorium’s main doors and the crowd of people clustered there, and in the middle was her family, waving to her. The whole gigantic squad — Garnet, Pearl, Alexandrite, Sapphire, Ruby, one of Ruby’s two brothers, three of Ruby’s five cousins, even Mrs. Lazuli and Coach Jasper who didn’t look  _ too  _ bad despite living off donation casseroles and who actually looked happy to be here (Jasper was having a heated political debate with Aventurine, also in line). And of course Steven, who broke from the group and squished her in a hug. She laughed. 

“Hey, hey, lil’ bro, watch the tutu!”

He pulled back, still grinning. “Sorry. Just wanted to say good luck! Almost everyone made it, Amethyst!”

“Hey, Amethyst!” about five voices chorused. Pearl darted forward and reached for her slightly-rumpled skirt to fix it. 

“Ooh, let me get that, Amethyst. You look beautiful. This color is so gorgeous on you!”

Garnet gave a thumbs up. Amethyst felt her cheeks flushing, especially as her whole extended family plus a good portion of the line were all staring at her. “Aww, eheh, thanks P. I gotta dash though.”

“Good luuuuuuuuuck!” Steven sang.

“You’ve got my bet on it!” Aventurine added with a smirk. Amethyst flashed a semi-ironic peace sign before jogging down the hall. 

She didn’t even bother returning to the bathroom that her Orchesis company had claimed as a dressing room. Her company, the first to dance in the all dancers’ opening sequence, would be assembling behind the lowered curtains in the dim, multicolored lights. She could almost hear Sardonyx now:  _ Where’s that Amethyst? She needs to be ready to run in with Row 2! Oh, little thing, she better not be off kissing that cute sound technician again! _

The last thought, predictably, had been Amethyst’s. Chuckling to herself, she ducked through a special door and emerged into the hectic backstage. The air was a potent, swirling soup of hairspray and residual fake smoke from their dress rehearsal. Dancers lined up, ready to file onstage at their cues, and tech people in black wove impatiently through the sea of purple and silver. Home. This was her element, Amethyst smiled to herself. Nerves, chaos. A battle ahead.

On her way to Line 2, where Sardonyx was gesticulating wildly to a lost freshman, Amethyst eyed the tech girl perched on a barstool by the soundboard. 

“The answer isn’t more sub-bass. If you touch that preset it makes more work for me, I’ll have to double the correction,” Peridot rambled into her headset, “and then  _ everything’s  _ too loud.”

Apparently her little nerd was busy, so Amethyst just circled her arms around Peridot’s shoulders while she played with the incomprehensible dials on the soundboard. When Peridot didn’t respond, Amethyst accepted it, kissed her cheek, and drew away. That got a response. 

“Hold on a minute, Sour Cream. Handle your own problems,” said Peridot. Before Amethyst could think, her girlfriend flicked back the mouthpiece of her headset, cupped Amethyst’s face in her hands, and kissed Amethyst long and hard. It ruined her lipstick, that was for sure. But it was so warm, so full and beautiful that Amethyst couldn’t care, and she savored the flavor of Peridot’s chapstick and her nervous dinner of instant ramen. 

It hadn’t been a perfect reunion. But when was it ever, really. The Saturday night after Amethyst’s detention, Amethyst asked for Peridot to stay and the younger girl had obliged, albeit shyly. They hadn’t slept much. Deep into the night, they had talked, they had made out, and a few times they did both at the same time. They fell asleep and woke up in each other’s arms. That had been the morning when Peridot decided to join tech.

Which brought them here. Peridot was the first to pull away as she glanced at her watch, then straightened up. “Oops. You better get going. Two minutes.”

“It doesn’t take two minutes to walk over there,” Amethyst stuck out her tongue, to which Peridot’s now-red lips twitched into a smirk. 

“Very funny, Amethyst, but I have things to do as well.”

“Fiiiiine.”

“Break a leg,” Peridot added absentmindedly, clearly quite used to saying it to many nervous dancers. Amethyst raised an eyebrow.

“I’d say ‘ _ you too’,  _ but. Yanno.”

Peridot looked her in the eye, her glasses glinting in the purple light, quite clearly unamused. “You’re a real comedian,” she said sarcastically, then gave her a light shove in the shoulder. “Now go! And hurry!”

Snickering to herself, Amethyst obeyed this time and slipped into line behind little Jade. “We got this,” she told the tiny girl. Nothing could disguise, however, that she was quaking in her jazz shoes despite having done this all before. She glanced back at Peridot one last time — or at Peridot’s messy head of black-and-blond hair, which was some solace in itself. 

“We got this,” she said again. The lights dimmed. Sardonyx yelled at the entire backstage to hush. The intro music swelled. The curtains began to rise. Twitching fingers tapped the cues on her leg. 

And, when the time came, Amethyst lifted her head and stepped proudly onto the stage.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer 1: the message of this chapter is NOT “you must crawl back to everyone who has done you wrong and to blame everything on yourself, otherwise you’re a bad person”. the message of this chapter is ALSO not “it is okay to harbor anger at everyone who has ever hurt you and to lash out at them even after they have received their punishment”.  
> The message of this chapter, and furthermore the message of everything i write, is this: Compassion is capricious. It can be useless, or it can be revolutionary. Use it well and use it often.
> 
> Disclaimer 2: I don’t know shit about sound systems.
> 
> Disclaimer 3: The chapter song has nothing to do with the message of this chapter except that it is one of the songs in Amethyst's dance set. How do i know this? because our school does an Orchesis performance every year and This is Gospel was one of the dances for the second company last year, i saw it and nearly cried. it was so beautiful. 
> 
>  
> 
> disclaimer 4: i wrote this ALL TODAY i am a BEAST


	23. Amateur Lovers (Act III)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ACT III.
> 
> .
> 
> \- Amateur Lovers — Switchfoot -
> 
> "I can tell you what you're thinking now,  
> Before you think it you can settle down  
> Our loving isn't gonna burn us out,  
> We don't know what we're doing —  
> Let's do it again, yeah!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: HEY BIG WARNING:  
> this chapter is the most NSFW thing I’ve ever written, and they don’t even make it all the way. so yeah BIG WARNING for innuendo, lots of NSFW discussion, foreplay, groping, masturbation, etc. its not super detailed (though that could mean anything in my writing style), and not enough to raise the overall rating of this story, but this chapter is largely M-rated so after the part where peridot says she likes ame’s boobs, kiddies please look awayyyy
> 
> unless of course you believe you can handle it in which case i can’t stop you but will tell you this: they don’t actually screw in this chapter and i try to inject healthy realism and life lessons wherever i go so i guess. win win
> 
> Lots more notes at bottom bc i really need to talk bout tings

On June 4th, the hottest day so far of the summer, Amethyst and Peridot almost had sex.

It started with the Cool Kids. More specifically, with Buck Dewey’s pool. Then again, a lot of things did. The Cool Kids’ pool parties were legendary, the stuff that started wars. And it wasn’t because of anything that went on inside — no one but the guests knew what that was — but rather, because it was so hard to be one of those guests. The mystery itself was enough to tantalize.

For one, the parties were rare. (Thanks, awful Illinois weather.) And Buck would only open the pool on days that 1.) his dad was working and 2.) Jenny and Sour Cream were _not_ working. “We’d never break up the squad,” Jenny explained once.

“Not even for a pool party,” Sour Cream finished. Amethyst grinned at that because they were all just so cute.

“ ‘Cuz you’re poly as hell,” she added. “Admit. You _like_ each other.”

That day, they had been at the Culver’s by the high school, spending their off-campus lunch privilege wisely. Jenny, Buck and Sour Cream crammed into one side of their booth, sharing each other’s food. Amethyst had the whole other side to herself and wasn’t complaining. The Cool Kids exchanged glances.

“Yeah,” agreed Buck.

“We kinda do,” said Jenny.

“Totally.” Sour Cream reached across Buck’s lap and nabbed one of Jenny’s cheese curds.

There it was, a prerequisite for pool party guests — tolerance. The Cool Kids’ relationship was pretty casual, and Amethyst knew they weren’t huge on PDA, but there was a certain level of tolerance that anyone would need when Jenny pecked both of her boyfriends on the cheek, or when Sour Cream and Buck initiated “blushing matches” — a competitive ritual by which they would say partly-ironic corny things to each other until someone, the loser, started blushing. Pretty gay shit, in Amethyst’s opinion. And, if her semi-open relationship with Peridot was any indicator, not everyone at their school was cool with it.

Another prerequisite, and this was what most people failed to pick up on, was that you had to be chill. You had to leave your gossip, your drama, your grudges at the door, you had to be fundamentally respectful of house rules, you had to still be chill enough to do wacky things and complain reasonably about authority figures, as teens do...but not so much that you did pointless, destructive stuff. Seatbelt safety was a must. School skipping was tolerated at first. Then Jenny skipped to see a Nicki Minaj concert and Nicki herself said, “You stay your ass in school. Books first, music second.” Fighting, definite no no. Drugs and alcohol? Out of the question (Jenny’s twin sister Kiki was an officer of the drug prevention unit at their school. Amethyst had gotten real friendly with them lately).

Unfortunately, the prerequisites weren’t exactly printed rules, so no one — not even the Cool Kids — could make official verdicts on them. This led to all sorts of misinterpretations across school, mostly from people who were jealous but either homophobic or generally unpleasant. Some said the Cool Kids were committing crimes and only wanted to invite people who wouldn’t tell. (Amethyst’s invitation didn’t help this rumor.) Others said they were just uptight. Still others said that they were a small, homeless clan of reclusive aliens living among humans, who were on earth to protect it from destruction by an evil fascist authority on their home planet. That was Amethyst’s favorite.

It was Peridot who put the prerequisites into words. Granted, she had special access to the Cool Kids’ world, since she lived in one of their houses. Point was, though Amethyst knew the Cool Kids did fun stuff, Peridot knew the mechanics behind it, and together they made the perfect candidates for pool party guests.

And which was why Peridot got the invitation first, in the form of Sour Cream coughing it out awkwardly while they kicked ass in Overwatch: “So, uh, Peridot, me and Jenny and Buck have these get-together things at Buck’s house sometimes in the summer, and Mom says it would really probably help you and, uh, you know…”

“Me, my chronic social anxiety, and my sensory processing issues,” Peridot finished.

“Yeah. Those,” said Sour Cream. “So, uh, if you and Amethyst ever wanna come or whatever…”

“I’ll think about it,” she told him.

Three weeks later, after school let out and the temperatures started soaring, Peridot clambered into the passenger seat of Garnet’s van. She wore a black Homestuck t-shirt and athletic shorts all topped with a ridiculous floppy sunhat, bearing a bright green bow that waved in the blast of the air conditioner.

“Lemme guess, that’s Vidalia’s,” Amethyst said and gestured to the sunhat. Peridot grinned, showing her newly braces-free teeth.

“You know it. Oooh, I can’t wait! I’ve never been invited to a ‘pool party’ before! Or, for that matter, a ‘party’…” Peridot’s grin twisted into a frown. “I…don’t actually think I’ve been invited to anything.”

“That’s awful!” Amethyst gasped. “Well, this is a good place to start. You’ll like it.”

“You’ve been to one of these gatherings?”

“Once.” She shrugged and started up the van again. “It was forever ago, though. Freshman year, ‘fore I started bein’ bad.”

“I see.”

On that, they set off.

The Cool Kids were already in the backyard when Amethyst and Peridot arrived. Buck was shirtless and holding one of those sun-mirror things that people use to get tan (despite the fact that he was as dark as Amethyst). A bikini-clad Jenny was draped over the beach chair beside Buck, her phone focused on his face. When Amethyst pushed open the metal gate, she lowered it and beamed.

“Hey Ammy, hey Peri!” she called. “So glad you could come! You guys look so cute, oh my god.”

“Sup,” said Buck, barely moving.

Peridot frowned. “Is this all? I thought it’d be…bigger.”

“Oh, yeah, I wanted a bigger one too,” Buck replied. “But Dad says waterslides are ‘excessive’ and ‘tacky’, or something. Like there’s something wrong with sliding head first out of a dragon’s mouth.”

“Heh. Truth,” said Amethyst.

“No, not the backyard,” Peridot cut in. “This place certainly exceeds my expectations. I just thought there’d be…more people. And louder music. And…other unpleasant stimuli.”

She blinked hard, as if remembering something painful. And as if on cue, some bass-heavy dubstep began filtering from somewhere inside the house, which made Peridot perk up again.

“Oh, well, there’s Sour Cream, obviously,” Jenny laughed. “He’s just grabbing Buck’s Bose speaker thing. For, yanno, tunes.”

“Lars might be coming,” Buck put in.

“But nah, big parties get too crazy. Ammy, you know how it is. So it’s just us for now.”

“Oh. Great,” Amethyst noticed Peridot relax, hardly obvious enough to tell if you didn’t know her well, but she’d clearly been stiff before. That made sense; she never liked crowds — unfamiliar people in general, actually. Even as she dropped her things on a beach chair and Sour Cream came bounding out of the Dewey house with phone and wireless speaker in hand, Peridot still seemed on edge. She looked at Jenny and Buck too much, didn’t take off her overclothes, and sat on the very edge of her chair. Clearly nervous.

 _Let’s distract her,_ whispered the devil on Amethyst’s shoulder. Amethyst grinned. _With pleasure._

“Hey Peri, come in the pool with me,” she said aloud, her voice rising — as it did when she flirted, and Peridot knew that. She had her attention immediately. “Oh, it’s _so hot…”_

Slowly, she reached back to the tie of her sundress, pulled it free, and let the silky fabric fall around her ankles. Peridot’s jaw dropped. Buck lowered his sunglasses. Please with herself, Amethyst put one hand on her hip and ran the other through her hair.

“Like whatcha see, babe?” she smirked.

She knew what Peridot saw. She had been wearing nothing under the sundress except a hot pink bikini top and a thong, and she was still in great shape from wrestling and dance. The dark stretch marks on her thighs and stomach hadn’t gone anywhere, and they had always made her self conscious, but Peridot liked those body parts anyway.

“Y…yeah,” Peridot stammered, to the mirth of the Cool Kids.

“Get a room, you two,” laughed Jenny. Offhandedly she whacked both of her boyfriends on the arms. “Hey, she’s taken. And Peri don’t look like sharing.”

Something seemed to click for Peridot. She straightened her back and whipped off her sunhat (to reveal thoroughly flushed cheeks). “Yeah,” Peridot snapped. “I don’t intend on sharing at all! Th — that’s my girl, and I came here for her! With her! And don’t you clods forget it!”

She wriggled out of her t-shirt and shorts in record time to reveal a modest black one-piece, like one that a professional swimmer would wear. “Amethyst! Assist your friend!” she ordered, bending down to detach her prosthetic foot. Then, she stopped. Anxious, she glanced between Amethyst and the Cool Kids before pulling her stump out of its socket, and when she spoke again, she had returned to the timid voice.

“Ah,” she looked towards Buck Dewey, “does it…bother you if, I, er…swim?”

It was clear that all the Cool Kids were staring at her missing foot, but as much as Amethyst wanted to tell them to stop, she couldn’t look away either. True, she’d seen Peridot without her prosthesis before, at their sleepovers and such, and obviously Amethyst had seen the wound when they had been in the hospital together, but since then, Peridot only uncovered it in private. Amethyst couldn’t see why, though. The amputation looked fine. Riddled in whitish scar tissue, sure, and kind of lumpy from normal swelling, but the wound had closed and the stitches had been taken out. It wasn’t even all that gross.

Then Buck responded, “Nah. As long as you showered. That’s a rule for everyone though.”

(The third prerequisite, Peridot would later record. Pool party guests were only people who showered.)

She shifted positions, took stock of everyone’s expressions once again, and sat up straight. “Well,” she ventured, the boisterous tone returning, “then I guess Sour Cream goes home.”

Sour Cream seemed genuinely surprised for a second as it sank in. Then he gasped. “Peridot, I trusted you!” he yelled overdramatically. “Betrayed by my own kin!”

An evil smile spread across Peridot’s face. “Nyehehehehe! Oh, wait, I’m not done! Sometimes he wears the same pants more than once without washing them! I know because when I help with laundry, I notice he only goes through THREE pairs a week! HA!”

“What an animal,” Amethyst snickered. She chose not to mention that often, she wore the same pair of jeans all week.

“How vile,” Jenny shook her head.

“Ditch ‘im,” suggested Buck.

“Oh, better idea — clean the boy up, let’s dunk ‘im!” Amethyst grinned, punching her palm with her other fist.

“Nooooooooo!” protested Sour Cream, but didn’t really, because he made no effort to get away as his girlfriend and boyfriend scrambled up and surrounded him. “Not the dunking!”

Jenny and Buck, each laughing, pulled the mostly-clothed Sour Cream up by the arms and escorted him to the edge of the pool. He kicked his feet, sending a sandal flying through the air and into the water with a _plop._

“Oh yeah, the dunking,” Jenny echoed.

“You smell, dude,” said Buck. And to Sour Cream’s final, futile protests, the two Cool Kids thrust their third member towards the clear water.

The splash sent water droplets spraying back onto Jenny, Buck, Amethyst, and Peridot — tiny, tempting reliefs from the scorching heat. As soon as Sour Cream’s wet head bobbed out of the water again, Jenny cannonballed after him and Buck slid in off the edge (still wearing his sunglasses). Amethyst turned to Peridot with a grin and a little hair flip.

“Hey Per,” she purred, “still up for a swim?”

“Obviously,” Peridot half-murmured, whipped off her glasses, and practically crowed in glee as Amethyst swooped her up bridal-style. “Ooh, you’re so strong!”

“You’re like a twig,” Amethyst replied. It was true; carrying Peridot was nothing at all. “’Kay, here comes the splash — ”

“No no no, wait! Jump in with me!”

Amethyst abruptly stopped swinging her tiny girlfriend to stare at her. “What?”

“Jump in while carrying me! That way we both have to go, nyehehehe!” Without glasses, Peridot’s eyes shone extra mischievously. Amethyst pretended to consider it for a moment.

“Let’s go.”

They didn’t even count. Amethyst took a few steps back before throwing herself and her girlfriend towards the water, bathing in the shouts of the Cool Kids and the blazing sun. When they hit the water, they separated, and when they resurfaced they took each other’s hand again.

But for a time they sank, breathless, alone in the turbulent green-blue.

.

After an eventful four hours, after which there was more water outside of the pool than inside, and during which inappropriate amounts of junk food were consumed, the girls returned to Rosewood Mansion. It was still intolerably hot. The sun, low in the sky, had begun to melt into oranges and pinks. They kept the car windows down, turning the tepid air into a whipping wind as they drove home, singing Panic! At the Disco at the top of their lungs.

When they arrived, they found that Garnet was on duty and Steven at Connie’s house, meaning only Pearl was home. Even better, Pearl was _busy,_ fluttering back and forth between a project in her sewing room and a neighbor’s car in the garage-turned-auto shop. “House to ourselves,” Amethyst howled.

She swept up Peridot again to carry her through the stair-heavy Rosewood Mansion. It was mainly because her girlfriend couldn’t be bothered to put on her prosthesis again, but there was clearly some sensual value as well — at least, if Peridot’s uncontrolled giggling was any indication.

“I think I got sunburned,” she whined. “I didn’t use enough sunblock.”

Amethyst blew a raspberry as she began to mount the stairs to her room. Okay, maybe Peridot was a little heavy while Amethyst was also carrying two swimming bags. “Dude, you’re like, lily white. A little tan’s not a bad thing.”

“But I don’t tan,” Peridot replied. “I _burn._ And then it’s all itchy and I want to pick at it and then I get more freckles. I’ve already got two hundred.”

Because Amethyst’s hands were full, Peridot opened the door. Amethyst lowered her into the egg chair, dropped their bags on the floor, and connected her phone to the iHome to continue playing their music.

“Well, I like your freckles,” she said, reaching for a hairbrush. Peridot just frowned.

“Why?”

“‘Cuz they’re cute. I dunno.”

“They’re _flaws,_ Amethyst. Discolored skin.”

“So?”

Peridot sighed. “I don’t know. I know, logically, it shouldn’t bother me, and I try not to let it, but it does anyway. It’s stupid.”

Amethyst had barely started working through her tangles, but she tossed the brush aside in exchange for giving her girlfriend attention. “No...no, it’s not stupid, I feel you.” She returned to her side and slipped her hand under Peridot’s chin, tilting it up to kiss her nose — home of many freckles. “You see these?”

She gestured to her abdomen, to the stretch marks at the bottom of her tummy and around her sides, then to the ones on her thighs. When Amethyst nodded, Peridot touched the ones on her sides. “Are they skin discolorations as well?”

“Nope, these are stretch marks. I got these when I gained weight, and since my skin didn’t grow fast enough to account for the fat, it tore in some places. So they’re more like scars.”

Peridot didn’t say anything, only stared at Amethyst’s stretch marks. After a while it got a little uncomfortable, though, and Amethyst dropped her arms to her sides to hide them.

“They’re flaws too,” she said. “And, culturally, they’re ‘not pretty’. But I guess I’ve just gotten to a point where I just don’t care. We’ve all got stuff we don’t like about ourselves. So overall it doesn’t really matter.”

Peridot nodded, but again said nothing. Amethyst took her hands in her own.

“Hey. You need some love, Peridoll?”

A second time, she nodded, and with Amethyst’s help she leaned against the wall and accepted her embrace. “I’m gonna kiss every one of your freckles,” Amethyst said. “Every single one. How many are there, do you know?”

“Two hundred fifty-eight, last I checked” Peridot murmured. The answer itself was impressive.

“You seriously count them.”

“Oh — n…no, I don’t! I was joking.”

That was when Amethyst drew back and looked at her, giving her best _really, you think I’m going to fall for that_ face that she could muster. “C’mon, Pers. You count _everything.”_

Peridot turned pink. “Oh — okay. Maybe I do,” she admitted, her eyes flicking away. “But it’s stupid.”

“It’s not stupid!” Amethyst said for the second time that day — well, maybe that was a pathetic thing to count, how many times she said something wasn’t stupid. If not pathetic, then just plain sad. “It’s weird. It’s cute. It’s so _you._ I thought you liked how weird you were.”

She lowered her hands, running them down Peridot’s sides and drawing closer to her. Peridot, hesitantly, responded in kind, but avoided Amethyst’s bare midriff and put her hands on her shoulders instead.

“I want to, but...I’m dating _you._ Have you seen yourself? You’re basically a supermodel, well, certainly an unconventional and countercultural one — but you see how the Cool Kids looked at you! And me? I’m a NERD! I’m...I get scared sometimes. That I don’t measure up.”

“Wait, back up. Like, physically, or what?”

“I don’t know, everything!” Peridot pulled away from Amethyst and, in one swift movement, collapsed spread-eagle onto Amethyst’s unmade bed. “Like, hah, where do I begin? You’re so chill and composed all the time, it’s like you always know what to say and do — ”

“You’ve gotta be joking.”

“ — and here I am, dropping my books all over the floor and not wanting to sharpen my pencil because I’m afraid people will get annoyed. Don’t even get me started on your skin. How the hell is it never oily?! Did you _ever_ go through puberty or did you magically pop out of a hole in the ground looking like a goddess?”

“You clearly have never seen my eighth grade photos.”

“I’ve been greasy since I was TEN! I got my period the same year, I used to bleed so much that they put me on birth control — and for WHAT? This lousy body? I’ve been five foot two for years, Amethyst, I’m not growing anymore, not even out. I’m a 38A. You know how HARD it is to find a 38A? And then size 2 undies to match? Completely opposite ends of the spectrum, Amz. I’m basically an upside down triangle. I need a Wide Load sign on my shoulders.”

Okay, _maybe_ Peridot’s rant was a little funny, but Amethyst bit her lip and didn’t laugh. So she sat down on the bed next to her.

“Look, P-dot. First of all: don’t stress about the triangle thing. You’re kinda...how do I say this...like, you’re kinda _all_ triangles. It’s just yo thing. You’ve seen your hair. Even your scar kinda looks like a triangle. And that’s really cute. To be honest...it was one of the reasons I started crushing on you. You’re just so picturesque.”

Peridot pushed herself up and Amethyst ruffled her hair. She was smiling now — always a good sign.

“Second of all: don’t you dare talk to me about wantin’ bigger bandonkadonks. Imma be real real with you for a sec — it’s not as great as it sounds.”

“It can’t be that bad.”

“Are you kidding? It _sucks!”_ Amethyst knew she was the one ranting now, but honestly, complaining’s kind of therapeutic. “You know how risky this bikini is? I popped loose, like, six times today. Yeah, it’s my size too, triple D — don’t even get me started on how hard those are to find. Like, I’m talkin’ Holy Grails and maps to Luke Skywalker.”

“Oh, sure, but I bet it’s not humiliating! I ask this clod where they have the smaller cup sizes and she asks, ‘Oh, is this your first bra?’ Hey — hey woman, do I look like I am? Do I LOOK like it?!”

“But you don’t have that much to worry about! You don’t even wear a bra half the time, for one. Or you wear just a sports bra. I need _two_ bras to fit these ridiculous things.”

Peridot’s gaze flicked down, lingered a half-second too long, and came back up. Her face was very red — and not from sunburn.

“Well, I — I like them!”

 _Whoa._ Amethyst hadn’t expected _that_. She raised an eyebrow, crossed her legs, and leaned towards Peridot. A very awkward silence passed between them. Then Amethyst said,

“Huh. I always thought of you as more of an ass girl.”

Peridot’s cute dark eyes popped, her head jerking slightly back. “What?!”

“You know,” Amethyst grinned devilishly, and jumped off the bed. She began to sway her body to the music, and as her girlfriend gaped, Amethyst twirled to the door, pushed it shut, and turned her back to Peridot in the same motion. Or, more accurately, the body part below the back. “You’re lookin’ at it right now.”

Of course Peri would be. Amethyst couldn’t count the times she’d found Peridot admiring her body, oftentimes also biting her nails, occasionally hugging herself like she was now. So, naturally, there was only one thing for Amethyst to do: work it. She put a little more flair into her movements, gyrating her hips, flipping her hair, pulling her hands up her bikini-clad body. For artistic balance, she turned to provide new angles, and maybe also to see Peridot’s reactions — which could be summed up in _horny shock._ The redness had escaped her face and colored her ears, even some of her neck. Her thighs were clenched together. Eyes wide, she swallowed.

“I…I think I’m an _everything_ girl.”

Amethyst laughed at that and returned to Peridot’s side, caressing her cheeks. “That’s fair,” she smirked. “I’m glad you like it, though. It’s all for you.”

“That’s real steamy, Amethyst.”

Clearly she didn’t believe it. Slowly, Amethyst lowered herself onto the bed with Peridot, straddling her hips in order to cup Peridot’s face in her hands. The golden sunlight melted through the gaps in the window blinds, dripped down bare skin, and pooled beneath them on the rumpled sheets that Peridot gripped in her fingers. And Amethyst couldn’t hold it in anymore. She liked this girl so much; hell, she _loved_ her, she was sure of it, and all the love that Amethyst knew was spilling out. And Peridot couldn’t even see it.

So Amethyst kissed her. She kissed her on the mouth and she kissed her as passionately as she could, she pressed into Peridot and threaded her fingers through Peridot’s still-damp hair. She breathed in gasps, taking in the chlorine and the Mountain Dew that Peridot had just finished, and it was kinda gross and all, but gross was Amethyst’s thing. She could handle it.

Once she pulled back, she whispered in Peridot’s ear, “Sometimes I joke about fucking you…just not today.”

If Peridot hadn’t gotten the message before, she certainly did now.

“Y— you don’t have to! I mean, I know how you feel about sex, and I don’t want you to feel like you have to do it to make me feel good…” The words tumbled out. It ruined the moment, to Amethyst’s chagrin, but that was okay. She reached back to the bow of her bikini top and idly pinched the end of the string.

“Yeah, I know. But what if I want to?”

Peridot stared, her expression mostly anxious, but otherwise unreadable. “Only if you want,” she said finally. A familiar phrase. A trust fall.

Amethyst said nothing, only untied her bikini top and pushed Peridot onto her back.

It could be said that they kissed like horny teenagers except, well, that’s what they were. This time Amethyst took the lead. She began to make her way down Peridot’s neck, first licking and, once Peridot started to beg for it, sucking on the tender skin until it bruised and Peridot mewled in pleasure. It was Peridot who sat up first to peel off her bathing suit, toss it off the side of the bed, and crawl back under Amethyst wearing nothing but her glasses and an intense blush. But when her slender hands found their way to Amethyst’s chest, Amethyst felt them trembling.

She waited until Peridot was done groping her, partly because she was a patient person, partly to see if Peridot was any more comfortable. She didn’t look like it. So Amethyst asked, “You okay?”

“No! I mean, yeah. Yeah, I’m fine,” Peridot squeaked, blinking rapidly. “Just nervous. S- since, you know, my first time. Keep going, please.”

She didn’t sound fine at all. But she was touching Amethyst’s boobs again and it actually felt really, really good, so Amethyst just dipped down to kiss her again. The kisses had begun to wander, down from Peridot’s red-mottled neck to her small breasts, then to her navel and the trail of wispy black hair underneath —

“Amethyst, wait.”

She drew back her hands and looked up at Peridot. “Yeah?”

“I don’t know if...I mean...can we stop?”

Peridot was redder than ever, and she clutched the sheets hard enough to turn her knuckles white. She was _scared,_ Amethyst realized, and she sat up immediately. “Yeah. Yeah, of course. Did I do something, or…”

“No!” Peridot blurted. As soon as Amethyst let go of her, she sat up with her good leg drawn  into her chest and her arms folded over her knee. She sighed, long and heavy. “I...I mean, I don’t know if you did anything wrong. I just don’t think I’m ready for this step in our relationship. I’m sorry.”

“Peridot,” said Amethyst firmly. She didn’t touch her, though she wanted to. “It’s fine.”

“Are you sure? I just…”

“You don’t owe anyone sex for any reason. You don’t ever have to make an excuse for saying no. If anyone tries to tell you differently, you need to get as far away from them as fucking possible. Do you understand?”

It came out much harsher than she had intended, and after she met Peridot’s wide eyes she covered up her blunder by getting out of bed and looking for clothes. “Here,” she said, handing Peridot an oversized t-shirt. To cover herself, she grabbed a ratty hoodie and hastily zipped it up.

“I know,” Peridot replied quietly. “It’s just strange. I thought I would want this, and I did, but once I had it, I didn’t want it anymore. And I don’t know why.”

“Hey, I get it,” Amethyst shrugged and sat on the side of the bed. “I’m not saying I know exactly. But, I mean, that’s kinda how me and Sugilite were too. She was ready, and I thought I was, even though I knew I was ace, but I got up to it and I came into it to have fun and make her feel good, but suddenly I freaked out, you know? Like, I got that sudden thought, _oh my god, I’m about to lose my virginity, I’m such a dirty whore, Pearl’s gonna flip a table._ ”

“And then you feel like you’re going to throw up on the person eating you out,” Peridot finished with a weak laugh. Amethyst snorted.

“Seriously, though.”

“Yeah.” For a few seconds, Amethyst just watched Peridot play with the hem of her borrowed shirt, and then the younger girl said, “I...I mean, we are still just kids. Technically. We shouldn’t be even doing anything involving, er, sexual intercourse, for that matter.”

“Eh. I wouldn’t say that. Seriously, do you pay any attention to the 18+ in blog titles?”

“N...no.”

“That’s what I thought.”

“I’ve been trying to stay away from those, though. Because, well, I have you. And I don’t know, even if they’re fictional characters, I still feel like I’m cheating on you with them.”

“Aww. That’s so sweet, Pear-bear,” Amethyst couldn’t help but smile as she reclined on the bed, a comfortable distance from Peridot, but not far enough that Peridot couldn’t reach for her if she wanted to. “I’m your porn. Special, Grade-A, queerplatonic relationship quality porn with feelings. I’m actually really flattered.”

Peridot grimaced. “I wouldn’t say it like that.”

“Would you if I took my clothes off more? Maybe — ” Amethyst wiggled her eyebrows “ — if I sent you nudes?”

“You know,” Peridot changed the subject with a soft glare, “this is not the conversation I want while still horny as all hell.”

“I’m kidding about the nudes by the way,” added Amethyst. “It’s illegal ‘til we turn eighteen.”

“Huh. Really.”

“Yeah. But, sorry, I didn’t mean to change the topic on you, but like — if you have to take care of yourself, I’ll step out. Wherever you want, like the bathroom’s not bad, I jack myself off in the shower all the fuckin’ time, there’s even a little ledge you can sit on, or you can do it in here if you like my bed…”

“Can you stay?” asked Peridot quietly. When Amethyst looked at her, confused, she stammered, “Just to kiss me. I, er, I can do everything else.”

At some point, she had taken Amethyst’s hand in one of her own. In response Amethyst crawled to cross the distance between them, slipped her hoodie off her shoulders, and pressed up against Peridot. “ ‘Kay. Get you off first, talk later, got it,” she whispered.

She kissed Peridot deeply, as passionately as before.

.

But they never talked about it. They left the importants hanging like loose, tattered threads, and the threads were why they would drown.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay here goes a long list please read if you would like info on update schedule
> 
> 1.) I had to cut this chapter in half. actual conflict begins next week  
> 2.) speaking of the update schedule: i mentioned i would be doing petri dish for nanowrimo. i lied! actually nah i just started nano and realized it was going to be way too crazy since i'm involved in art club and volunteer work at taekwondo, and i'm doing a 2-minute animation for my end of semester project in pre-AP 2d studio. so, no nano.  
> 3.) this means i won't finish petri dish before my one-year anniversary — though i do plan on updating on the anniversary  
> 4.) i WILL however, since i made you guys wait so long for this act, try to post a new chapter every friday starting next friday  
> 5.) like the other acts, this is planned to be eleven chapters long, though that's flexible since i broke this one up  
> 6.) but yes this WILL be a ride of an act and i plan to tie a lot of loose threads up. if you can catch some of my foreshadowing in this chapter, and there's a helluva lot, then i'd love to hear your predictions and shit  
> 7.) anyway i think that's all  
> 8.) might come back and edit this list later  
> 9.) bye thx leave comments


	24. Girls/Girls/Boys

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> \- Girls/Girls/Boys — Panic! At the Disco -
> 
> "Girls love girls and boys  
> And never did I think that I  
> Would be caught in the way you got me  
> But girls love girls and boys  
> And love is not a choice"

For two long summer weeks, that was the last date they had.

Every time Amethyst asked Peridot to hang out, something was going on. One time it was babysitting. Another time, mowing lawns for some neighbors. Which was weird — Peridot _never_ went outside. Amethyst didn’t even know if she was allowed to mow lawns with a recent amputation. She was, like always, very polite about it, and promised every time that they could hang out later, but there was still something evasive in the way she’d say “I’m busy”.

Even more suspiciously, Amethyst had seen Pearl’s cell phone on the countertop with Peridot’s number at the top of the screen, under the list of recent calls. But when she asked Pearl, the older woman pretended like she didn’t know what Amethyst was talking about. Then she pretended to clean the piano...which was surpassing even Pearl-levels of weird.

Then, she ran into Peridot at the store. She’d gone with Steven to pick up some things for a lemonade stand, and it was such a nice day that Amethyst forgot she was worried about anything. Steven was practically bouncing with excitement, telling her all about how he, Connie, and Stevonnie were going to rake in the maximum cash and then donate it to the town animal shelter.

“We got the idea from Jasper actually! Like she was telling Stevonnie how she used to donate a little money to the shelter every month, but she can’t do that anymore, so they’re really in need of extra money right now,” Steven rambled.

“That’s so cool,” Amethyst grinned, and tossed a 100-count package of solo cups into the shopping cart. Despite almost being fourteen, Steven hung off the end of the cart like a small child and Amethyst pushed him very carefully out of the disposable dinnerware aisle.

“It is! And Connie just found out about a place where you can pack food for kids who don’t have any and we want to donate there next, even though the place is kind of far away...wait, is that Peridot? Hi Peridot!”

“Huh?”

Amethyst whirled around, surprised. And true to Steven’s word, there the girl was — wheelchair-bound, lingering at the end of an aisle in the technology department. Startled as well, Peridot looked up and dropped the USB cable she had been holding.

“Oh! Uh — ” When Peridot’s eyes met Amethyst’s, they went wide as golf balls before she checked herself. She forced a grin. “Hello...Steven. Amethyst. What a small world, isn’t it?”

“Yeah, totally,” Steven smiled back, then frowned. “Hey, are you okay? Did your foot break again?”

Peridot glanced around the basket on her lap to her stump, now covered in a lime green sock. “Oh, no, my prosthesis is in perfect working order,” she dismissed. “I’m just...worn out. Lawn mowing apparently causes fresh amputations to swell.”

It was shaky, like a lie, but now that they were closer Amethyst could smell grass on Peridot. She was also red as a stop sign, with skin peeling on her shoulders and cheeks. Her freckles were much darker as well. She’d been working outside, true to her word. Just...why?

Steven, bless him, kept the conversation afloat. “Wow! Was it just for Vidalia, or…”

“No — ” Peridot looked at Amethyst, seemingly trying to be conspicuous, but failing miserably “ — I borrowed her lawnmower and offered around the neighborhood. For...for money. I originally charged five dollars an hour, though two of my four clients tipped exceptionally well, and my end total was ninety-seven dollars.”

“That’s so cool,” Steven grinned.

“Yeah,” added Amethyst stiffly. “I guess then you’re not doing anything later?”

Again Peridot glanced away. “Er...I’m sorry. Amethyst. But I am.”

“And what’s that?”

“I took up another job, instead of mowing. Since it’s, er, too hard. But...so now...I’m advertising my other skills, and, well, I’m basically my neighborhood’s Geek Squad. I already have six clients lined up for the next week. Starting...this afternoon. I’m really sorry.”

Oh. It did sound impressive, and better explained the plethora of jump drives, cords, and chips in Peridot’s shopping basket. But it wasn’t what Amethyst had wanted. So she gave a smile — pretty faked — and said, “Okay, have fun. Call me later them, I guess?”

“Yeah,” said Peridot blankly, “call you later — ” and wheeled away.

Normally, seeing Peridot would boost Amethyst’s mood for the rest of the day. But this time, the encounter made her feel almost waterlogged, every step heavier, her brain swimming with anxieties. Peridot was avoiding her...again. That’s just how it went, didn’t it? Things would be great, then Amethyst would fuck up and Peridot would ignore her. Granted, last time it hadn’t been Amethyst’s fault. But this time it was. She’d probably overstepped her bounds, invaded Peridot’s privacy by coming on to her, probably made her feel awful and dirty just like Amethyst had felt when —

“Amethyst? Is there something wrong?”

Steven. She looked down at him, then at the bored cashier who had been holding out the receipt and Pearl’s credit card for who knew how long. Flushed, she took the paper and card. “Everything’s great. Thanks, Steven.”

He didn’t buy it. “Did...did you guys fight?”

“I don’t know,” she admitted. “That’s what’s wrong.” She’d just have to wait. Wait to see if Peridot called her.

She didn’t. She texted. _I’m still at my client’s,_ Peridot explained — full grammar and punctuation as she did. _Two seventy-year-olds who don’t know how to update Mac OS. In other words, I get to sit here in perfect silence while the system updates, Grandpa watches his golf, and Grandma feeds me meatloaf. It’s surprisingly scrumptious._

A joke, Amethyst realized as she read the text under the dinner table. That was good. Pearl said her name for something and she automatically replied, “Oh, yeah, that’s fine.”

 _wow sounds real exciting,_ she texted Peridot back immediately. _plans later tonite ?_

Unfortunately, Peridot didn’t have an iPhone, so Amethyst couldn’t see when Peridot read her message. She should’ve messaged her on Snapchat. In any case, whenever Peridot read it, she didn’t respond until three minutes later.

_I’m sorry, Amethyst. But I have to work on something else for a client. Removing malware and such. I need to be at home. I hope you understand._

Amethyst bit her lip and put away her phone without texting back. Around the dinner table, it seemed as if the tension had permeated into the rest of her family as well — Steven picked at his salad, Garnet was speaking in hushed Korean over her phone, and Pearl had forgotten her food in favor of anxiously watching Garnet.

“I think I’m done,” she said aloud. No one responded.

She left her plate, half-full, by the sink and trudged upstairs.

.

A week later, Peridot stood in front of her bathroom mirror, stressing.

Sixty hours of work, four hundred dollars, and an embarrassing amount of time choosing her outfit later, and it all came down to this. A stiff white shirt with the sleeves rolled up, a black vest with matching slacks, a black bowtie, hair combed back just so. Two slips of paper in her wallet (wrapped up in a plastic baggie just to be safe). Her phone, sitting on the countertop and open to a conversation with Amethyst, buzzed. The dialogue now read:

 _Hello, Amethyst. I apologize that I haven’t been able to respond to any of your last messages._ (Thurs 9:21 AM.)

 _its fine_ (Thurs 12:46 PM.)

 _Alright, thank you. Now that my busy life is out of the way, I propose that we should talk about something urgent. I would like to speak with you personally on this as soon as possible._ (Thurs 12:47 PM.)

 _ok_ (Fri 1:03 AM — admittedly, the strange hour of the text had awoken Peridot from much-needed rest, but she had still responded immediately.)

 _Is Saturday from six to about nine a good time for you?_ (Fri 1:04 AM.)

 _sure_ (Fri 2:54 AM — Peridot had slept through the alert for that one.)

 _Sounds great! Please dress semi-formally. See you soon! <3 _(Fri 7:31 AM.)

 _k_ (Sat 5:39 PM — now.)

Peridot giggled, brimming with anticipation. This would be the date to end all dates, the one to blow Amethyst away, inconceivable in the magnanimity of it all! She had done everything within her power to make sure nothing could go wrong. And nothing would, if she had anything to say about —

Something pounded on the door and she jumped. “Hey!” she yelled back, but there was no reply. “I’m getting ready for a date, mind you!”

Still, no reply. She opened the door, frowning, saw no one, and then looked down. “Onion? What are you — hey!”

The “hey” came when the child pushed past her and ran into the bathroom. Swiftly Peridot picked up Onion under the arms and carried him, disgruntled and protesting, outside. “No, Onion, it’s my turn,” she scolded. “You wait or go use the downstairs bathroom. That’s the rule. _Hey!”_

The second “hey” came when Onion, for the second time, escaped her grasp and shot past the door — this time with unexpected speed. He slammed the door and Peridot met it with a _smack_.

“Ow…hmph. Alright Onion! You win this round! I GUESS I’m done! Just gimme my phone or else!”

The door cracked open and a hand stuck out, holding Peridot’s green-cased Samsung. “Thank you,” she yelled.

She knew it would be pointless to wait to use it again, because Onion had privacy issues and had this weird talent where he _knew_ when someone was waiting for the bathroom. So he would either wait until they left or open the door and stare at them until they did, and either way, it would expand the time he spent in the bathroom exponentially. There was no way Peridot was getting back in now. So Peridot slipped on her dress shoes and limped downstairs

“Ready to go, Dottie?” Vidalia asked, sweeping up her keys. Suddenly filled with excitement again, Peridot bounded after her foster mother.

“You bet I am!”

For some reason, Peridot was a bundle of nerves as Vidalia drove her to Rosewood Mansion. She hadn’t finished combing her hair and evened it out by running her hand through it. She was still sunburned and just hoped that Amethyst still found her cute with peely skin and twenty new freckles. (Clod damn it, that lawn mowing had been such a mistake.) She tapped her foot like crazy. When Vidalia pulled to a stop in front of Rosewood, Peridot nearly fell out of the car on her way to the gate, which was unlocked.

It was Pearl who answered the door, wearing paint-spotted overalls and a bandanna. “Oh! Hello, Peridot. Is this for…?”

She trailed off in a furtive hush, but Peridot knew what was coming. She nodded and bounced on the balls of her feet (well, one of them).

“Right! I’ll call her down. Amethyst! Peridot’s here!”

Pearl and Peridot stood in absolute silence for ten seconds.

“You look very nice, Peridot,” said Pearl.

“Wow, thanks,” Peridot replied automatically. “You too.”

Pearl laughed. “Oh, I’m just fixing up a guest room.”

They stood in silence again. From outside the gate, Peridot could hear the hum of Vidalia’s van. Inside the house, someone was watching Mean Girls. Somewhere else, a door opened.

“Amethyst is very excited,” said Pearl as footsteps down the stairs. Peridot craned her head to see, then inhaled.

Amethyst wore battered grey Vans, her hair up under a black cap, and a suit. Or at most a partial suit, complete with black skinny jeans, a vest, and an untucked white blouse with puffy sleeves. And she was breathtaking.

Her bangs still fell over her squinty eye and she blew it away. “What?”

“N – nothing! You look…oh my stars,” Peridot breathed.

“One of you’s gonna have to change,” called a voice from the living room, Garnet.

“Ha ha,” murmured Amethyst. “I’m just not feeling real girly today, s’all.”

Oh! Right, Amethyst was genderfluid. She didn’t change names or pronouns very often, and hadn’t settled on any names other than Amz, but Peridot found it was polite to ask anyway if Amethyst hinted it. “Right! So you’re…?”

“I dunno. Can we just go?”

Peridot’s good mood began to dim. She couldn’t place exactly why, but Amethyst wasn’t acting much like herself. She wasn’t smiling when Peridot smiled at her. Something else, too. “Oh — okay. Yeah. Anything for my partner!”

She held out her hand for Amethyst to take, but she didn’t. Not at first. She hesitated. It was just for a second, but it said more than anything else could.

Amethyst was mad.

As Peridot escorted her out to Vidalia’s car, and especially when Amethyst chose the passenger seat, Peridot’s head spun. She couldn’t think of any reason why Amethyst was mad — was it at her? What had she done wrong? Or was she just going through something rough? Peridot knew she wasn’t great at immediately picking up emotions, that was all part of the autism according to her counselor; had this been going on for a long time and Peridot just missed it? But when Peridot climbed into the backseat, she took one look at Amethyst and Vidalia and knew. Vidalia asked Amethyst how she was doing, how the one painting was going along, and Amethyst slipped right into the conversation. She was fine. And Peridot’s observation now needed a corollary:

Amethyst was mad _at her._

An awkward twenty minutes later, they pulled up to the restaurant — a Japanese hibachi grill where a professional chef would make the food in front of you, performing tricks with the tools and even flipping appetizers into your mouth. After the local authentic Mexican place, the hibachi grill was Amethyst’s favorite restaurant. Though pleased, she didn’t seem surprised when they pulled up at the front. Well, contentment was good enough.

“You coming?” Amethyst asked Vidalia, but the Peridot’s foster mother shook her head.

“Nah. Gallery night down at the university, all by the Masters of Fine Arts.”

“What about dinner?”

“They got their own, actually. It’s all catered by some kid who double majored — painting and culinary studies, I dunno. But it’ll be good. You two girls have fun, now!”

“Cool, you two,” Amethyst smiled, and Vidalia drove away. Amethyst’s smile promptly vanished. Shoving her hands in her pockets, she turned on her heel, and murmured, “Let’s go.”

Mildly distressed, Peridot trotted after Amethyst, head still spinning. She really couldn’t think of anything she’d done to make Amethyst this mad — she hoped it wasn’t her jokes again. But then the lady inside the restaurant asked how she and Amethyst were tonight and Peridot automatically replied good, hibachi for two, and she hoped she had done it right because she was never good at ordering, but the lady just smiled and told them they would have about a fifteen-minute wait because it was busy. Amethyst and Peridot sat, one seat between them, on the waiting chairs by the door. Amethyst was on her phone. And it was all too much.

“Amethyst?” Peridot tried. Barely moving, Amethyst looked away from her phone.

“What?”

The word was cold. Peridot clasped her hands. “I…are you okay? I thought you liked hibachi.”

“Yeah. Everything’s just great,” she said in a voice that said it wasn’t.

“Is it me? I, I thought you liked going out with me.

“Well, yeah, I do, but seeing it’s the only time in, like, three weeks, I don’t know what you’re expecting.”

“Wait.” Peridot furrowed her brow; she wanted to say something but couldn’t put out anything except, “What?”

Mouth open, Amethyst stared at her before shaking her head. Then she laughed dryly. “I can’t believe it,” she murmured. “You haven’t even noticed.”

“Noticed…huh?”

“That you’ve been avoiding me! Every time I screw up, you do this thing where you make up reasons to get out of being with me, and you never tell me what I did wrong, so I end up feeling guilty about it. It was after the pool party, right? That’s what I did wrong? Because if it was, you should’ve told me.”

Oh. Oh no, no no no, this wasn’t what Peridot intended at all. “But — but I wasn’t avoiding you!” she spluttered.

“Right. You were _working.”_

Four words, and they were all like slaps. Peridot’s eyes began to water.

“I was, Amethyst, I wasn’t just making excuses! I saved up three hundred eighty two dollars in two weeks, only one fourth of which was from Vidalia, and certainly not under my terms and conditions as I didn’t want to inconvenience her, but…that’s not the point, I wasn’t avoiding you!”

“Oh yeah? So what was all the money for? You’ll tell me, right? Or am I just not cutting it for you anymore? Hey, lemme guess — you ‘saved up’ for a fancy dinner and maybe some presents so you could let me down easy, tell me that you found someone who’s not a pathetic excuse for a girlfriend. Someone who you like a lot more than fixing old people’s shitty PCs. If that’s it, you should’ve just told me. Would’ve been easier.”

Her bottom lip quivered and she jerked away, curling into herself. She wasn’t just mad, she was _hurt._ And...that hurt Peridot, too. But she hadn’t expected it at all.

“I don’t what to say,” admitted Peridot. “I didn’t know. That I made you think that.”

Amethyst said nothing. Something cold curled up in Peridot’s gut.

“I wanted this all to be perfect, but I didn’t know. I...I was saving up…for a gift...for you. I wanted it to be a surprise. I guess I just did it wrong. But if that’s how you really feel, I’m sorry. It’s just, I’ve realized that I have trouble empathizing and realizing when I hurt other people. It’s the autism, and I want to get better at managing it. I wish you had told me.”

“What, you think I didn’t try?” Amethyst laughed sharply, bitterly, and fell back against her chair. Exasperated, Peridot threw her hands in the air.

“Well — _kind of,_ yeah! I’m not exactly master of social cues here! I just — Amethyst, please, I just...I’m not mad at you.”

Amethyst met her eyes.

“I’m NOT,” Peridot tried — oh god, let this work. “I didn’t know that it seemed like I was ignoring you. I didn’t want to hurt you, I just...I really, really like you. When I’m with you, I feel just so _big,_ it’s like there’s nothing else in the world I’d rather do, and I wanted to have a night of just that. So I started working. And I’m really sorry for not talking to you. It’s just, every time we talked, I knew there was more I could be doing to keep working on your gift, and I was afraid that I’d accidentally tell you and the surprise would get ruined. And I guess I get so wrapped up in my anxiety that I didn’t realize what you were feeling. I want to get better about that, and I’m sorry. I hope you understand.”

It was too much to look Amethyst in the eye, so Peridot stared at her folded hands. And then, a second later, at the soft brown hand that rested hesitantly over them.

Amethyst had changed seats, settling beside Peridot. Their gazes locked; Amethyst pushed her hair out of her eyes. And then she hugged Peridot. She hugged her long and tight, burying her head into Peridot’s shoulder. “I missed you,” she whispered. Peridot’s relief flooded out in a long, shaky breath, and she hugged her partner back. “I’m glad we have tonight. Thank you.”

“Mmm,” Peridot mumbled, and pressed a furtive kiss to Amethyst’s cheek when no one was looking. Then she stopped, thought, and drew back. “Wait. Tonight?”

“Yeah,” said Amethyst, her brow furrowed. “That’s what the money was for, right?”

“Ohhhhhh,” replied Peridot. She was suddenly nervous again, and pressed her fingertips together. Oh, she’d had a plan… but Amethyst was looking at her all expectantly, with her big, wet brown eyes fresh from the brink of crying…

Screw the plan. Holding her breath, Peridot stood up, got down on one knee before Amethyst, and pulled her wallet from her pocket.

“Well…the money’s only _partly_ for tonight.”

.

A week later they walked hand-in-hand to the entrance of the state’s largest amphitheater, their free hands each clutching a very expensive piece of paper. Amethyst bounced on the balls of her feet, the warm summer wind carrying her hair in the direction of her girlfriend. Playfully, Peridot brushed it away and pulled ahead of Amethyst, her hand squeezing Amethyst’s lightly.

“Hey, hey!” Amethyst called. “Hold up, Pea Pod! We’re not gonna be late.”

“I know, I know,” replied Peridot, blushing in the sunset light. They joined the stream of other young adults, blending right in with the swirl of colored hair, ripped clothes, and rainbow regalia. A venue staffmember in black scanned the papers in their hands and they passed through. There it was all the scents of carnival food, the flashing merchandise tables, the choruses of voices from hundreds of backgrounds — the hour before a concert.

“But what if someone takes our seats?” Peridot asked. She practically hung off Amethyst’s arm now, as if she’d sensed how gay this show would get. They passed two young men holding hands and exchanged smiles with them.

“Not with your tickets,” Amethyst answered Peridot. “Especially since we’re so close, there’s like security and stuff that makes sure people get to their right chairs. Our space is ours.”

“Ah. I see, nyeheheh. Perhaps the extra clients were worth it after all!”

She was so, so cute — Amethyst knew she’d said it and thought it a million times, but it didn’t make it less true. When they got their snacks and found their seats (in the middle and nineteen rows from the front, which was AMAZING, a great view but far enough back that the nerdy concert-newbie Peridot wouldn’t be deaf by the end of the night), the opening act was playing some indie love song. Amethyst leaned her head on Peridot’s shoulder, and opened her mouth occasionally for Peridot to feed her popcorn.

“It’ll be great,” she promised. “Well, it has to be. Since...you know…”

She paused, met Peridot’s eyes, and smirked. Peridot just frowned. “What?”

“Since you’re here.”

“Oh my stars, Amethyst.” Peridot pretended to be exasperated at the comment, but Amethyst knew she was a sucker for cheese. She sat up, pecked Peridot on the cheek, and returned back to accept more popcorn.

As the sun dipped below the horizon and the opening act finished his set, more people began to fill the amphitheater. The gay couple they had seen before actually had seats behind them. Unsurprisingly, Peridot got in an enthused discussion with both young men about rigging and tech involved in stage productions. Amethyst was about to get up and use the bathroom when her phone buzzed — Garnet. Her message read _The Lazulis won’t arrive for another three hours. Greg’s van broke down,_ but then a second one said _Sorry, that was for Pearl._

 _K,_ Amethyst tapped back, confused. She didn’t worry though. _Probably just out doing another charity outing for them,_ Amethyst reasoned as she left for the bathroom. Since Malachite wreaked her havoc in the town, Lapis and Jasper had lost their jobs at the high school. And since they couldn’t pay the bills, they were to be evicted from their apartment and sent to live with Lapis’s aunt. It had been Steven’s idea to soften the eviction process — little things like helping clean the apartment or taking Lapis and Jasper out for dinner. Amethyst felt plenty bad, but quite frankly, she had been wallowing in so much self-pity lately that she hadn’t contributed a lot to the charity outings. So she didn’t say anything.

She returned just as the lights were coming on, bathing the amphitheater in white and deep shadows. The stage was now veiled in a black curtain. “Quick! It’s starting!” called Peridot, waving her hands. Grinning, Amethyst plopped back down next to her.

“We’re gonna want to be on our feet for most of this,” she reminded Peridot, “but if you need to rest that leg, don’t be afraid to sit down. Or if things get overwhelming — ”

“Amethyst.” Peridot put her hand on her shoulder and looked her in the eye. “I know my limits. Don’t you worry about me, enjoy your early birthday present. This is all yours.”

And she kissed Amethyst as the white lights went out, as smoky red lights replaced them and the crowd rippled up in a roar. It was the best kiss — the surge of excitement from both the contact and the pounding opening notes of a bass guitar. “ _All right, all right_ ,” sang that all-too familiar voice, and Peridot pushed her hand through Amethyst’s hair. _“All right, all right, it’s a hell of a feeling, oh, it’s a hell of a feeling…”_

All at once, through the flood of noise and adrenaline, Peridot pulled Amethyst to her feet. Their eyes met; they grinned in sync. It was happening. The night of their lives. On the stage, Brendon Urie stopped in the spotlight.

“ _Who are these people, I just woke up in my underwear…_ ”

.

On a list of the most surreal experiences in Amethyst’s life, seeing Panic! At the Disco with her girlfriend in row 19 was definitely up there. She’d never expected to go to one of their concerts except maybe from behind the fence — tickets were hella pricy and sold fast, good seats were even worse. Amethyst didn’t even know how Peridot had gotten such good seats so close to the actual date of the show.

Yet here they were, dancing in the strobes and pounding music, singing in shrieks ‘til their throats hurt. Here they were, hands locked during “Girls/Girls/Boys”, stealing glances at each other in the green and purple lights.

It was eleven at night by the time the concert ended, and almost midnight by the time they navigated out of the hellish post-concert parking lot. Their ears still ringing, they sped down the Illinois freeway with their windows down. When they got hungry, they stopped by a McDonald’s and screwed around there for a while (disturbing a sleepless customer but barely fazing the night staff). They arrived back at Rosewood giggly, tired, and still with confetti in their hair.

And a burnt orange motorcycle was parked in the garage.

Amethyst stopped Peridot there, grabbing her shoulder to get her attention. “That’s not ours,” she said, subconsciously lowering her voice. Peridot’s eyes widened.

“There’s only one person who rides a bike that color,” she said solemnly.

Breathless, Amethyst led Peridot around the house to the kitchen entrance, noted that the kitchen lights were still on, and slowly opened the door. But before Peridot could come in after her, chaos broke loose.

Amethyst was bowled over like a garbage can against a snowplow. Peridot yelled a fervent and relatable _“Ow, FUCK!”_ Something large, moving, and very furry was blocking Amethyst’s view and weighing her down against the floor, its big meaty paws pushing into her shoulders. Somewhere Pearl hissed something like _be quiet Steven’s trying to sleep_ , thought Amethyst couldn’t care less. Then all at once the beast was lifted — yes, _lifted_ — away as two very different colored hands wrapped around its midsection and pulled it off Amethyst like a very large baby, setting it down by a bemused-looking Garnet who held its collar. And Jasper Lazuli-Dominguez turned back to Amethyst, holding out one vitiligo-spotted hand.

“Sorry ‘bout my dogs,” Jasper grinned sheepishly. “Ocean just loves new people.”

Bewildered, Amethyst accepted the hand. Dogs. Yeah, okay, there were two of them in her kitchen. That would explain the slobber on her face too. The fluffy white one struggled against Garnet’s hold, and an even larger brown one strained towards Amethyst while being held back by…Pearl. Lapis Lazuli was there too, but she didn’t touch the dogs, only rushed towards the side door. _Oh — Peridot!_

“You okay?” Lapis offered, and to Amethyst’s relief she saw Peridot stand up as well.

“I’m fine. Just not great with doors or stairs.” Nodding, Lapis helped Peridot limp inside, and handed her off to Amethyst before shuffling off to the side.

For a stony second, no one explained. The dogs whined and sniffed in Amethyst’s and Peridot’s direction. Jasper coughed awkwardly. Finally Pearl said over the mound of fluff she was holding back, “Hi, girls! Did you have a good time?”

“Yeah,” they muttered in sync. Still no explanation, so Amethyst said, “Why are there dogs in our house?”

Pearl’s face went from _this is awkward_ to _oh, shit._ Eyes wide, she looked over to Garnet. Garnet just looked at Lapis. Lapis glared at Jasper. Jasper made a face like _why does everyone blame shit on ME_ and hissed, “I thought you guys told her?!”

“We did!” Pearl retorted.

“I don’t think you did,” Amethyst scowled.

“Well, she _was_ texting Peridot at the time,” Garnet put in.

“Don’t blame it on me!” Peridot spluttered, hiding partly behind Amethyst’s arm. Amethyst squeezed her hand and stepped forward.

“Alright, it was my fault. I clearly missed something real important,” she admitted. “Now can someone tell me, straight up, why two’a my old teachers are in my house at one in the morning.”

Again, Pearl looked at Garnet, who looked at Lapis, who looked at Jasper. This time, Jasper looked back at Garnet. Garnet sighed.

“Amethyst,” she said, “as you know, Lapis and Jasper are now without a home. So…they’re going to stay with us.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> LOTS OF THEM, MOSTLY COMMENTS:
> 
> \- ahh the classic addition of ellipses to end a chapter  
> \- YES i got to see P!ATD in concert last summer with my cool aunt. it was magical. only differences were that i saw it in L.A. and not Midwest so i totally made up this venue; also the one i went to was a double header with Weezer (who were also amazing fyi)  
> \- I had planned for them to go to a double header as well and for Amethyst and Peridot to make out for a good portion of Thank God for Girls (the gay boys behind them would’ve done the same), but i was running out of time and didn’t know how to squeeze that info in so i guess just know that they definitely would have stayed for it  
> \- the opening act was Andrew McMahon who i totally recommend, the indie love song was Fire Escape  
> \- the first song played was in fact Don’t Threaten Me with a Good Time; that may appear in a later chapter as well  
> \- YES, IT IS TRUE, when they performed Girls/Girls/Boys, the lights were green and purple. i have a saved snapchat video if anyone wants proof but when i first noticed it i instantly knew i had to put it in petri dish  
> \- let's pretend Illinois curfew doesn't exist suddenly  
> \- plot's gonna kick up soon but i have final exams and shit so they're probably not going to come out very fast until break. i predict there will be one new chapter between now and december 20-ish  
> \- remember to check out the prequel to this, Adagio for Three, starring Rupphire


	25. Youth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> \- Youth — Daughter -
> 
> "And if you're still bleeding, you're the lucky ones,  
> 'Cause most of our feelings, they are dead and they are gone  
> We're setting fire to our insides for fun  
> Collecting pictures from a flood that wrecked our home,  
> It was a flood that wrecked this home"

An hour’s drive away, in the south side of Chicago, there was a crumbling thrift store in a row of other crumbling walls. Each of the stores wore weatherworn hats, hats of patchwork brick, boarded windows, and laundry that would never be clean. There were three working streetlights on the row. The one in front of the thrift store flickered.

From the left second story window, the light was like a blinking eye, staring you down wherever you were in the apartment beyond — and Malachite hated it. Originally, she’d taped an old tarp over the window to block it, but the tarp kept falling. It had come down about an hour ago. She couldn’t move her mattress — there was nowhere to move it to other than the far wall, but that one had leaks and she didn’t like waking up wet. So, for that hour, she lay in the wavering ochre light, covering her eyes with the sleeve of the stolen sweatshirt it was too hot to wear.

But even then she tossed and turned. There was the headache again. The distant howl of police sirens. On the floor above her, an argument in Spanish. The humidity from the broken AC. The chafing of her clothes against her scars (fuck it, she just wouldn’t wear clothes then).

Eventually — she didn’t know how long later, it was when she started to _think_ — she pulled herself from the dirty mattress, fumbled at the lights, and opened the tiny fridge. Not that it had much in it, just the remains of a Happy Meal and a glass bottle on its side. She went for the bottle. At the rusty stool she called a kitchen table, there was also half of a joint in the ashtray, her favorite lighter conveniently at its side. Marijuana in one hand and stolen vodka in the other, that’s how Malachite Lazuli spent most of her sleepless nights — alone. Repressing.

An old fly orbited the lightbulb, bumping into it over, and over, and over.

She couldn’t remember if she passed out (she’d abandoned the joint and finished the bottle. Probably.) but at some point, someone began knocking at her head. No, her door. The headache was back. Outside the window, it was still mostly dark, except kinda lavender too; sunrise. Somewhere she recognized she should put on clothes. Managed the tank top, not the pants, but in her mind, that wasn’t her problem. Dragging her hand through her unbrushed red hair, she opened the door a crack and squinted at the shrieking hinges.

“Fuck off,” she managed to say, but found herself looking at darkness. Then she lowered her gaze.

It was the kid, the rich kid who wanted to be trans or some shit. He had a big backpack and a tiny can of pepper spray, and his eyes darted around like someone was watching him.

“Malachite?” he said. Like a question.

“Yeah,” she replied, rubbing her eyes. Fuck, she was tired. “You’re that...that kid.”

What was his name? Something to do with volcanoes. “Y...yeah. Yeah, it’s me, Obsidian,” whispered the kid (Obsidian. Great). “Listen. I, uh, I got into some trouble at home. An’ I don’t have any other friends. Jade’s with me and she got trouble too. You, you know, uh, the fake ID you said you got…we need your help to get some.”

It took a good five extra seconds for all that to register in Malachite’s brain. When it did, she laughed. “You,” she cackled, “gettin’ fakes? You can’t e’en pass as your own age, fuck off.”

“N- not to get alcohol or anything! Just other things!” Obsidian waved his hands in a gesture Malachite couldn’t quite decrypt, then he continued way too fast, “I just need your help right now, okay? I need you to come with me. It’s complicated.”

“I’m fucking _drunk_. I’m not wearin’ pants,” Malachite drawled. “Y’really think I can do complicated?”

Obsidian was clearly aware of the lack of pants. He turned his back. “Just put something on and get out here,” he snapped. Malachite lowkey wanted to hit him with the empty vodka bottle, but didn’t. Going with the kid was something to do and she needed some of that. Maybe he’d even pay her again.

So she pulled on some shorts, spent way too long looking for a flip flop she was already wearing, and reached for her joint again. On second thought, she shoved her switchblade into her back pocket.

Obsidian let Malachite lead him out, as she knew the building and Obsidian jumped at every dark shadow. He told her he came in from the side entrance. They navigated through a narrow hall of thrift store trash, out into the blinking streetlight eye, and to a silver car underneath.

“That where Neph is?” Malachite asked. Obsidian frowned, then shook his head.

“Jade, you mean.”

“Right.”

“Y...yeah. C- can you get in the car?”

Malachite glared at him. “Hell no,” she replied. Even _she_ knew better. “If your girl wants to talk, we do it outside.”

Obsidian stared at her for a few seconds before he shrugged and said, “‘Kay. Wait here.”

She did, leaning against the trunk of the car and fingering her now-stubby joint. To amuse herself, she tried blowing a smoke ring. Came out more like a smoke orb. She was so fixated on it, watching it dissipate in the amber light and cool dawn air, that she hardly heard the hushed conversation behind her, didn’t notice the opening car door or the tall shadow that appeared in her peripheral vision. Too tall to be that tiny Jade girl, and Obsidian had returned to her side. His backpack was gone; he only held the pepper spray. It was uncapped.

“Okay,” he said, “she said you need to get in the car.”

That was when the shadow moved, when Malachite recognized it for what it was. A woman, a little taller than Malachite, her head covered in a teal hijab, with something long balanced on her shoulder.

 _“You!”_ Malachite jerked back, dropping her joint. Frantic, she grasped in her back jeans pocket for her pocketknife, but it wasn’t there — and she turned to see Obsidian holding it by two fingers, smirking. On the other side, the shadow took another step forward.

“Yes,” said Alexandrite simply, “me.”

She swung the umbrella like a baseball bat. It would be the last thing Malachite saw for a while.

.

“I don’t get it, Peri. Why is it when THEY forget about things, it’s always ‘ _oh Amethyst, you’re so irresponsible, next time you should make sure that we know what you’re talking about_ ’ but when they spring things on ME, like oh hey just so you know, we’re letting two of your weirdest ex-teachers stay in the guest room next to you, we’re not even gonna ask you if it’s okay, and when _I_ forget, it’s my fault for not paying attention.”

She sounded like she should be pacing, Peridot thought to herself. Except Amethyst didn’t pace, she sat upside down in her egg chair, her impossibly long hair flowing over the edge and piling on the floor. It had been past her hips before and now it had to be at least touching her knees. Now Peridot had the insatiable urge to reach through her computer screen and run her hands through it — but, obviously, she couldn’t do that.

“That’s rough, buddy,” was all Peridot could think to say. She moved her computer to the end of her bed and flipped onto her stomach. “I mean...if you want to stay the night here anytime, you can, I’m sure Vidalia would love to have you, and I mean I only have a twin-sized bed…”

Amethyst smiled wryly. “Like that’s ever stopped us.”

“More cuddles,” Peridot suggested. That made Amethyst smile wider, her eyes squishing like they did. _She’s so pretty_ , dashed through Peridot’s mind for the some-thousandth time. That probably wasn’t an exaggeration, either — though her phone background was PercyxPierre fanart, her lock screen was any one of her favorite twelve pictures of Amethyst. (Currently it was one of her selfies from a time she’d experimented with Sapphire’s eco-friendly eye makeup, highlighter, and rhinestones. She basically glittered.)

Now, Amethyst sat up and brought her phone closer to her face as she ran her fingers through her loose hair. “You always know what to say.” She made an exaggerated kissy face. Then she sighed.

“It’s just getting _so ugly_ here though, and they’ve only been here three days. Like I don’t know how it can get worse. Ruby won’t talk to Garnet anymore, not even Sapphire can reason with her. Lion’s gone completely and Steven’s all sad. One of the dogs tracked in mud and Pearl had, like, an aneurysm. I couldn’t sleep last night because Jasper and Lapis were arguing about whether or not they were putting a burden on us, then it turned into a yelling match about Malachite and the dogs and jobs and shit. Like, uh, you wouldn’t be such a burden if you’d just shut up.”

Peridot cringed. It wasn’t hard to imagine. The clods of Foster Families Two and Five made that easy enough. “Yikes.”

“Gets worse,” added Amethyst, and dropped her voice down to a whisper. “When they wanna make up after fighting, they fuck — like, seriously hard. By the sounds of it, Lapis tops.”

“Oh my.”

“Yeah. Don’t tell them I told you.”

“No problem,” murmured Peridot, trying to rein in her mental images. It was no mystery — at least not in the rumor-ridden high school hallways — that the young and attractive Lazulis had an active sex life, but there were details that she could’ve lived a nice life not knowing.

“But seriously,” Peridot changed the subject, “if you need space, you can stay here.”

Amethyst gave a grateful smile. “I’d like that. I dunno about tonight, though. Just ate this ginormous burrito for breakfast, all with extra _frijoles y queso_. Unless you’re fine sleeping with a living Whoopee Cushion.”

As hard as she tried, Peridot was never immune to potty humor. She snorted. “Psh, I hardly think I and these walls haven’t endured worse. Example: Sour Cream’s unwashed sock, three weeks old, found in the couch while searching for an SD card. Or fresh fish night. The doors of Le Casa Yellowtail are open to all sounds and smells, however foul.”

Oh, she’d tried with the Spanish, but judging by Amethyst’s face she’d failed miserably. “Heh. It’s _La Casa de los Yellowtails._ But good guess.”

“Ooh, I love it when you speak Spanish. It sounds so smooth and sexy. Say something else.”

“Mmm…eheheh...a’ight. _Las...manzanas son buenas para la salud, y Harambe hizo el once de septiembre. Me llamo Peridot y yo como lombrices.”_

Her silky voice and her sharp accents sent little shivers down Peridot’s spine — especially in how Amethyst said her name (that was her name, right?), flicking the R, dropping the T, and stressing the O. It was beautiful. “That was sooooo good,” Peridot fawned, but why was Amethyst smiling like that? Ah well. “What did you say?”

It was then that Amethyst’s grin broke. She started to _hoot_ with laughter, keeling over in her chair and nearly dropping her phone. “It means,” she snorted, “apples are a healthy snack, Harambe did 9/11, and my name is Peridot and I eat worms.”

Peridot didn’t quite know how to respond to that. So she just kinda stared and thought until, suddenly, she heard Vidalia call her name.

“Wait, be right back,” she told Amethyst (still a little puzzled at how easily she had been fooled), and hopped to the door. “Yeah?”

“Peridot, Alexandrite’s here! She said she wants to talk to you!”

“Oh — alright! Be right down!” This was a bundle of issues as Peridot was 1.) in the middle of a conversation, 2.) still wearing pajamas, and 3.) missing her prosthetic. Where’d she put the muddy thing again…?

“Gotta go,” she explained to Amethyst as she strapped on her foot and brushed her hair at the same time. “Alexandrite’s over.”

That was clearly news to Amethyst. “For what?”

“Knowing her, it could be literally anything,” Peridot said, and it was true. She honestly couldn’t conjure up a single possibility for what the woman could want. The last time she had seen her was the fiasco with Obsidian and Malachite. She hadn’t left anything or she’d have noticed by now; she couldn’t recall anything she had asked for, or anything Alexandrite had requested either.

She said goodbye to Amethyst, put a sports bra under her homemade _Camp Pining Hearts_ t-shirt, and threw on some jean capris. Vidalia, already covered in paint despite it being only 10:30 in the morning, met her at the door and passed off the conversation with that ever-present smile. Predictably, Alexandrite stood in the door, one hand in her pocket and the other holding her infamous umbrella. She looked _really_ hot, and not in the good way, because she was dressed head to toe (was that just a religious thing or what?).

“Hello, Peridot,” she said, as if there was nothing unusual about showing up spontaneously on your neighbor’s doorstep, holding an umbrella despite it being 85 degrees and sunny. Peridot would have frowned, but found that she was doing so already.

“Hell...oooo…” replied Peridot warily. It was then she noted Alexandrite was holding a bundle of papers in between her fingers and the umbrella, and asked, “Is that our mail?”

Alexandrite looked down at the papers. “Maybe,” she said. “It had your name on it.”

“So you didn’t give it to Vidalia. Ohh...kay.” Peridot took the mail — sure enough, the top letter was addressed _Peridot Sun, 4663 Valley St., Beach City, IL._ The return address was Max Albus from the high school. Huh. She looked slowly back up at Alexandrite. “And you took them out _why,_ pray tell?”

“Oh. I ran into your mailbox.”

“What?”

“It was Malachite’s fault. She kicked my seat.”

Peridot gaped at her, then repeated, louder, _“WHAT?!”_

A minute later, Peridot stood on the driveway next to a crooked mailbox, Alexandrite’s car, and a proud-looking Obsidian. Inside the car, Malachite was slumped in the middle seat, her mouth gagged and hands tied behind her back with what looked like duct tape. The sunshields had been pulled down, probably to hide passing glances of what looked to be a textbook kidnapping, but Peridot could still see Malachite glaring at her. She stared, in turn, at Alexandrite, then Obsidian. As usual, he was doing most of the talking.

“So we tracked her down,” Obsidian was saying, “And I was the first to find her room. Since I had inside information and all. I lured her out, and when her guard was down — ”

“She was hungover,” Alexandrite put in.

“Yeah, okay. Anyway, when Malachite wasn’t looking, I stole her giant cleaver — ”

“Pocketknife.”

“WHATEVER! So anyway, then I told her, ‘You’ve lost. We’ve come to put you to justice and take you back to where you belong’, and pulled out the knife and a gun, and while she was all scared of me, Alexandrite knocked her out and put her in the trunk.”

“Pepper spray, not gun, and she didn’t stay in the trunk.”

Obsidian did not seem to appreciate Alexandrite’s edits on his story. “Obviously,” he grumbled. “But...yeah. You’re welcome and all that.”

At some point, Peridot’s mouth had fallen open.

“And you did this all yourself, instead of notifying the police,” she said, “ _why?”_

“ ‘Cuz Malachite doesn’t like cops, duh,” Obsidian rolled his eyes. It was kind of obvious, but it didn’t excuse anything.

“She clearly doesn’t like you, either.” Peridot folded her arms. “If anything, you could’ve at least brought her to the police, instead of dropping her on my doorstep. What, exactly, were you two trying to achieve by this?”

Obsidian and Alexandrite exchanged glances and made a few indecipherable yet somehow communicative gestures. Then Alexandrite sighed. “Peridot, I am an autistic Muslim woman. How well do you think the police would respond to me — ”

“And me,” Obsidian cut in, “I generally look real shifty” which was true.

“To us showing up at the Chicago Police Department, carrying a missing person in the back of my car?”

“And no one cares about her, Peridot,” Obsidian scowled. “Jasper and Mrs. Lazuli reported her missing, but it wasn’t even publicized, which is why no one looked for her down in Chicago. No one would’a known who she was. And even worse, they don’t care about us. They don’t care that we’re tryin’ to get her back home in a way that works, if they saw us get her like that, they’re gonna see two brown people kidnapping a white girl. Hell, they might even we were the ones to steal her away in the first place. So...so you gotta help us. Seriously.”

“Help you with _what?_ You think I know what to do?” Peridot ran her hand through her hair. She was even starting to pace — and ugh, she could see Malachite staring at her foot. This time, she met Malachite’s eyes and glared right back. Malachite jerked away like a mouse caught in a spotlight.

“We couldn’t find the Lazulis,” Alexandrite replied. “I found their address in Obsidian’s school directory, but the apartment was rented out.”

“They...don’t live there anymore,” Peridot told her carefully. Though Amethyst was rather open with other people’s business, Peridot didn’t feel right straight out telling people that the Lazulis had been evicted.

“Well,” asked Obsidian, folding his arms, “where did they go?”

Peridot was about to say it, but then stopped. It would be her civic duty to return Malachite to her moms, but her moms lived at Rosewood — and according to Amethyst, it was bad enough already. She couldn’t just turn Malachite, Alexandrite, and Obsidian away. But Amethyst _hated_ Malachite. If Alexandrite and Obsidian dropped Malachite off on Rosewood’s front porch, saying, “Oh, by the way, Peridot sent us” — what would Amethyst think?

“Fine,” Peridot said finally, “I’ll tell you. On one condition.”

.

The door to the garage opened. Or Vidalia assumed it did, as that was the sound the door made, though she couldn’t see past the tarp walls of her art studio.

“Vidalia?” That was Peridot.

“Yeah?”

“I’m gonna go help Alexandrite and Obsidian bring a felon back to her moms. If something happens, tell my case worker that all my savings go to you. And all my stuff goes to Amethyst.”

“Okay,” Vidalia called back. “Don’t plan on dying, though! It’s Chinese takeout tonight. I’m ordering extra egg fried rice for you.”

“Sounds great, thank you!”

“Love you!”

“Love you too!”

.

Amethyst had been dogwalking when the car came.

For creatures who were only interested in eating and sleeping on Pearl’s fancy Indian rugs, Jasper’s dogs — Biggs the Newfoundland, Ocean the Old English shepherd, each of them larger than Amethyst — were very high-maintenance. They went out in the yard four times a day. They emptied a bulk package of dog food in a few days. They needed two long walks a day, one in the morning and one after dinner, rain or shine.

Thankfully, Jasper didn’t expect anyone besides herself to care for the dogs, especially as Lapis seemed to despise them. But that didn’t stop Garnet from encouraging everyone else to help. Steven jumped into it, offering to play with and feed the dogs. Pearl cleaned (which she would have done anyway, but which she did now with some bitterness. Apparently, she wasn’t too enthused about their boarders either). Garnet walked with Jasper and the dogs when she wasn’t at the fire department. But when she was on duty or busy, dog walking fell to Amethyst.

She couldn’t say she hated either the dogs or Jasper. Though crude, Jasper was nice enough to her, and they were able to make some conversation about wrestling and the Quartz Bikers (motorcycle season was back and Amethyst was missing out again). Amethyst was honestly more of a cat person, but the dogs weren’t bad. Because she was smaller and less experienced, she got to walk Biggs, who was older and gentler. The walk was still strenuous, as Jasper kept to a brisk jog most the time, and relatively awkward. Why not.

For at least the third time yet, the awkward had come from Lapis.

“I don’t care what I said in high school,” Lapis had yelled after Jasper, half-shoving her out the garage door. “You don’t HAVE to be with me! Divorce papers aren’t hard to get! If you hate me so much, then LEAVE already, GOD!”

Amethyst wasn’t sure what it meant that she was getting used to this. Even more, it was the first part she’d been most curious about.

After stewing a little, kicking over garbage cans, Jasper began suiting up her dogs for their walk and Pearl sent Amethyst out while she and Steven talked with Lapis. Surprisingly enough, Steven was the only one who Lapis really trusted, despite being limited by his innocence. Jasper didn’t trust anyone except her dogs. But Pearl insisted, so Amethyst tied her running shoes and her hair up in a ponytail and prepared herself for the worst.

For the first few hundred feet of the walk, Jasper was about as conversational as a stone column. Amethyst didn’t know how to break it. Well, she knew _how,_ but it didn’t apply to _adults._ With Peridot or Jenny or someone, she might hip-bump the other girl and blow a raspberry. Or straight up hold her hands and sit her down to talk it out somewhere.

But Jasper was an adult. Even worse, Jasper was a _teacher._ It was like going to the store just to see your former geometry teacher slumped against a fridge in the wine section, bawling her eyes out as a store employee attempted to pry a bottle of whiskey from her snot-covered hand. (Why couldn’t she get any normal teachers, Amethyst sometimes asked herself.)

But fortunately — maybe unfortunately, she wasn’t sure — she didn’t have to break it. When Ocean stopped to pee, Jasper folded her arms and glared down at Amethyst out of the corner of her eye.

“If you’re gonna be nosy, it’s better sooner than later,” Jasper told Amethyst. Her dog finished peeing and they began jogging again.

“You were in high school together?” Amethyst asked.

Clearly, it wasn’t the question Jasper had been expecting. Her eyes widened, then she gave a barking laugh. “Hah! You never heard that story from Allnatt, did you? Figures. I get the feeling she wanted to forget us forever.”

 _Allnatt Diamond._ Amethyst was quiet for a couple seconds before she said, “Hear what?”

Jasper passed her a wry glance. “How Lapis and I met.”

Part of Amethyst instantly thought _oh, gross, please don’t tell me about that_ and part of Amethyst replied, “I never heard it.”

“She was in town, staying with that rich aunt who hates me, because her stepmom couldn’t stand her. So she got sent to Beach City High as a senior, and happened to be my lab partner in AP bio. With Allnatt, by the way, it was her first year. I...heh...I was kind of a perfectionist back then, I didn’t really care much for my stepmom or her family, but I always felt like I had to make them proud. So I pushed Lapis the wrong way. She didn’t want to work, but I did, and I told her if she didn’t, I’d make her pay.”

A cat stalked across a driveway. Ocean jumped at it; Biggs just kept lumbering on as if she didn’t see anything out of the ordinary (she likely did not, as her fur flopped over her eyes). Jasper pulled Ocean back onto the sidewalk and continued.

“One day I had it, my stepmom was a police officer so I stole a pair of her handcuffs, and I took Lapis to the lab and locked our wrists together. I told her that we’d finish our project and we’d get a good grade, and then I’d unlock us. But then before I knew it, she started making out with me and dropped the key down the sink and...well...uh. I don’t actually know how that happened.”

Jasper’s story fizzled out with pressed lips and a face that just screamed _regrets._ She rubbed the back of her neck and huffed. Amethyst half wanted to gag, half couldn’t help but grin. Any story that made Miss Diamond uncomfortable was pretty funny when it came down to it.

“And you’ve been in love ever since?”

“Hah! Hell no,” Jasper said brusquely. “Thought I was. Turns out I was just horny. Lapis and I...I mean, we fight a lot. An’ I know it’s put a lot of pressure on you guys. But it’s just how it works after a while. We got married right after graduating high school and before I went off to the military, then one of our neighbors got arrested and Lapis wanted to adopt her kid, and before I knew it, I was a mom and I couldn’t leave. Wish I could say we were ever in love. But if you think that’s how marriage works, you’re in for a sad life, kid. Lapis...I love her, but we’re not in love. I stay with her ‘cuz what we have, it works. If I didn’t have her, I wouldn’t be able to put a roof over my own head. I couldn’t keep Biggs and Ocean. I’d probably spend my nights hopping bars. Without her, I’d be nothing.”

Amethyst’s smile had long since faded. By itself, it didn’t sound too bad; fatalistic, sure, but not harmful. Except that she couldn’t help but feel uneasy. And the story of how they had met now made more sense. “Did...did she tell you that?”

“Damn right she did. Meeting Lapis…it was like she’d opened my eyes.”

Jasper smiled, but her light brown eyes were somehow hollow. Like she’d only been fed the _god, Jasper, I love you_ and wiped of the _you disgusting brute, you can’t do anything right._ It made something clench up in Amethyst’s stomach, something familiar, and it made her sick.

But before she could say anything, her phone began to vibrate. It was Pearl and she didn’t sound happy.

 _“Amethyst,”_ she said, _“can you put me on speaker?”_

Amethyst frowned. “Uh...sure, P. What’s up?”

_“Is Jasper with you? She wasn’t answering her phone.”_

“I’m here,” Jasper put in. “Lapis took my phone, sorry.”

There was a brief pause, during which Amethyst felt like she and Pearl were thinking the exact same thing — _okay, that’s lowkey weird._ Then Pearl coughed. “ _Ah...alright. Well. I need both of you to come back now. There’s someone…there’s…ah…Malachite is here.”_

They practically _ran_ back to Rosewood — well, Jasper did; Amethyst just followed and tried not to get dragged by the dogs. Because of the excitement, Biggs stopped to poop; Jasper said _leave it_ and got running again. Amethyst hoped Jasper planned to pick it up later, since that particular neighbor on whose lawn the bomb had been planted did not like the inhabitants of Rosewood mansion as a whole. Jasper suggested no such idea.

“That little shit,” she cackled as she jogged, a toothy smile splitting her face. “Ohhh, she better be in one piece, or I’ll have a word with her! You think she still got that trashy bleach job on her hair? God, maybe Lapis’ll forgive me — we’ve got the family back together!”

 _Hey. Maybe it WILL work out,_ Amethyst thought. _Maybe they’ll leave, maybe things’ll actually be okay…_

She began to run a little faster.

Then they entered Rosewood’s gates and the hopes began to shrivel.

There was an unfamiliar silver car on the lawn, next to a row of crushed rosebushes. No one was to be seen; it was eerily quiet.

Then the front door flew open and a half-naked girl tumbled down the stairs. The wild red hair told Amethyst and Jasper all — Malachite was in good enough condition, and bad enough mood, to run like hell. She started like a cornered when she saw them in the gate, and then she turned and ran the other way. Biggs almost yanked Amethyst’s arm off.

“Let her go,” Jasper snapped. Amethyst got the picture.

“No problem,” she grunted, releasing the leash. Both dogs tore after their owner’s daughter, tails wagging, tongues and ears flapping. Malachite took one look over her shoulder, and only managed a shriek before being taken down in two masses of fluff. _Hah._

Then Jasper stepped forward, long decided strides towards the struggling teen on the ground with all the command of a military officer heading to discipline a rowdy private. Her hair was already up in its ponytail but she reached back and tightened it. To keep up, Amethyst had to jog, though she stayed a good five feet behind Jasper just in case. She still wasn’t sure what to think about Malachite — mainly she just wanted to see her get what she deserved. Which was a good ass-whooping.

“Biggs, off,” Jasper barked, and just as she’d done for Amethyst, wrapped her arms around Ocean and set her aside. “Ocean, Biggs, inside.” The dogs did not go inside. They just lingered back, sniffing towards Malachite but not struggling, and Jasper handed Amethyst the leashes.

As soon as the dogs were off her, Malachite scrambled back to her feet, but quick as a whip Jasper grabbed her wrist and spun her around. For a second, mother and daughter stared each other down. Jasper smirked. Malachite struggled, and then took her free hand back into a fist.

Malachite jerked forward in a clumsy punch to Jasper’s face, but again Jasper snapped to it and grabbed her wrist. And in a few steps too fast for Amethyst to catch, Malachite went up and over Jasper’s leg and down on the ground — her arm pinned behind her back with just one of Jasper’s powerful hands. An MMA move if Amethyst had ever seen one.

“Don’t hit me,” Jasper said. Malachite grunted and writhed under Jasper’s grip, but the larger woman held steady until she stopped. Then, like that, Jasper released Malachite, helped her up, and stood with her hands on Malachite’s shoulders.

“You’ve been drinking,” Jasper said softly. Malachite glared right back, her chest heaving. Her voice was slurred.

“Why d’ _you_ care?”

Now that she wasn’t moving as much, Amethyst could see how bad of a condition Malachite was in. Her face looked like someone had mistaken it for a punching bag and then she had tried to fix it by driving more holes in it — she had two new piercings, one on her left eyebrow, the other on her upper lip; on top of it, three visible bruises. Her makeup was probably several days old. Her hair actually resembled a bird’s nest. There was a piece of duct tape stuck to her stained tank top and her knees were all scabbed over. Her movements, disjointed and reckless.

Jasper opened her mouth, but before she could speak, footsteps pounded behind them. Amethyst and Jasper turned to see Alexandrite, Pearl, and Lapis run around the house towards them, then Steven jogging behind. “Steven, get back in the house with Obsidian,” Pearl warned. As if on cue, Obsidian Talwar appeared out of nowhere.

“What are you talking about? I’m right here.”

Pearl gave him the “mother-glare”. “You’re not helping.”

“Yeah, fuck off,” Malachite put in, only to be caught on Jasper’s glare.

 _“Hey_ — watch your damn language, those are kids,” Jasper snapped.

Then Lapis stalked forward, arms folded. Her head was tilted down, hidden from Amethyst. She didn’t lash out, barely even moved aside from walking towards Jasper and Malachite, but both of Jasper’s dogs whined. Ocean’s tail was down; Biggs lowered her head.

“Jasper,” was all Lapis said.

_“What?”_

“Let go of my daughter.”

Jasper let go of only one of Malachite’s shoulders — and likely only to gesticulate with her free hand. “If I let _our_ daughter go,” Jasper said slowly, each word scraping with tension, “she’s gonna run off, get drunk and high, and ruin her life all over again. Is that what you want?”

Lapis didn’t respond. Maybe because Jasper didn’t give her time to, maybe not.

“Because that’s what we let her do. Lapis, listen. Let me handle this. You said it yourself, I got us into this mess. It’s my fault. And it’ll be better this time, I can help Malachite, I’m the only one who can handle her when she gets like this. Just let me do this for you, I can prove that — ”

“UGH!” Malachite screamed, her voice cracking, but silencing Jasper. “Jasper, just SHUT UP! I can’t TAKE this! I — WON’T! _JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP ALREADY!”_

With one jerk, Malachite broke free of Jasper’s hold and stumbled back. But she didn’t run. Instead, she cried, big ugly angry cries that began to dribble down her cheeks.

“You — ” She pointed at Jasper, her hand trembling. “You can’t FIX me! You ALWAYS act like you can MAKE me be the perfect daughter, all just to make _her —_ ” to Lapis “ — to make _her_ happy, but GUESS WHAT? I’m NOT! And I’m DONE being used by you two in your fights all the time, ‘cause guess what, I’m not a fuckin’ bargaining chip! I don’t CARE about family, I’d — I’d rather live with _Alexandrite_ than live with either of you!”

Her voice echoed off the stone, cold and sharp. Pearl had put her hands over Steven’s ears, but both of them watched with wide eyes. Biggs had her hackles up. Alexandrite didn’t visibly respond past folding her arms.

“Okay,” she said, and everyone turned to her.

“And how do you know my daughter?” asked Lapis, her expression listless.

Alexandrite shrugged. “She pulled off my hijab in middle school.”

“Malachite!” Jasper scolded.

“It was _six years ago_ ,” Malachite shot back, but Alexandrite held up a hand before it could escalate.

“I’ve forgotten. But I _am_ Pearl’s niece. If it’s too difficult for my family or yours to foster Malachite, my house is always open. I have a guest room.”

“Thanks for the offer, Alexandrite, but no,” Lapis said. “We can’t just force our daughter on a stranger. Malachite stays with us.”

“ _Malachite_ is a legal adult and can do whatever the fuck she wants,” said Malachite, then grinned petulantly when Lapis and Jasper stared at her. “Hah! I was right. You forgot _again._ My birthday was March sixteenth, assholes.”

“Just because you’re eighteen doesn’t mean you can disregard the law,” replied Jasper. “You’re still technically missing. And we’re not changing that until we know you’re safe. You _are_ going to finish high school, you _will_ drop the drinking and the drugs and whatever the hell you think you’re doing to your body, and you’ll stop wasting your life on self pity.”

“She can still do that.”

Obsidian stepped into the conversation, puffing out his chest. “If Malachite stays with Alexandrite as a roommate, nothing really changes. My brother did something like it, he lived at a friend’s house, and Dad was still able to micromanage his life — ”

“Obsidian,” Alexandrite said suddenly, “what are you doing?”

“Helping you,” he answered, as if it was obvious.

“Huh. Never would’ve thought.”

“Alex, really,” said Pearl, “that’s very kind of you, but Garnet and I made our own agreement with Mrs. and Mrs. Lazuli. We’ll be fine. I’ll just have Amethyst pick up her shifts at the bakery again, and the income will be more than enough to support a seventh member of the house…”

“Can you guys stop talkin’ about me like I’m not in the fuckin’ room? _God!”_ Malachite yelled, leaving Steven to clap his hands over his ears for the umpteenth time. Pearl looked between him and Malachite before turning back to Alexandrite. Her lips were pressed together.

“Actually, Alex dear, Auntie Pearl changed her mind. Please take Malachite.”

Jasper’s eyes widened. “Huh?”

“I wasn’t _serious,”_ Malachite scoffed, and kicked at a dandelion with her sandaled foot. From behind the rainbow sunglasses, Alexandrite stared at her.

“Yes,” she replied, “but I was. Now do you want to go with your mums or not?”

“Hell no,” Malachite said. Again, Jasper glared at her.

“That’s not your choice to make.”

“Actually — ” Lapis stepped forward, putting her hand on Jasper’s arm, “ — it… _is_ her choice. And we’ve already made so much trouble for Pearl and Garnet. If Alexandrite’s offering to take Malachite in, and if it’s what she wants, I’m not going to stop her.”

“I don’t want to go with _her,_ either,” Malachite grumbled.

Lapis shrugged. “Lesser of two evils.”

For once, Malachite had no response, only kept her bitter-bitch face and looked away. Which, as Lapis would later explain to Amethyst, was her equivalent of a smile.

“Fine,” Malachite spat finally, “but if you still wanna micromanage my life, don’t send _her.”_

She pointed to Jasper, who recoiled like someone had slapped her. Lapis just inclined her chin.

“That’s fair. Well, we kept most of your stuff in the eviction; they’re in the garage with our other boxes. You can’t miss them. Be good, sunshine. Alexandrite, call us if you have any issues. Malachite can tell you my number.”

And with that — as soon as she’d come — Malachite met Lapis’s eyes, glared for a second, and pushed between both of her moms. Alexandrite took her to the car in the middle of the rosebushes and helped Malachite bring some boxes from the garage. Obsidian sat on the hood and tapped on his phone. Just like that, Malachite was leaving like she always did — with a bad taste in everyone else’s mouth. Amethyst didn’t know what to think. The entire situation, to her, had felt rather surreal and dreamlike.

Pearl summed it up pretty accurately: _“Well.”_

“We’re going to have a talk, _Lapis,”_ Jasper grumbled. Without waiting for a response, she stomped over to Amethyst and took the two very patient dogs from her. “I’m just gonna go walk alone.”

“ _Jasper,”_ Lapis shot back, but Jasper wasn’t listening. She left the backyard with her dogs and clenched fists.

“ALONE, Lapis.” After a second she stopped at a hedge on the corner of the house. “And Peridot — quit eavesdropping behind foliage. It’s rude.”

Correction — the situation felt surreal and dreamlike until that moment, which was more like being splashed in the face with a bucket of ice water. That moment, when Jasper reached behind the corner hedge and yanked up none other than a squirming Peridot, dangling her by the scruff of her neck before dropping her on the grass. Dazed and wide-eyed, Peridot sat there wiping her glasses and brushing leaves off her clothes.

“Peridot?” said Amethyst, confused. Glancing back nervously at Jasper, who was leaving, Peridot scrambled up.

“Oh! Uh...Amethyst. Greetings. I have an explanation. You see, um, when Alexandrite came over, she had Malachite with her, and…ahh…”

“I’m going in,” Lapis announced loudly and suddenly. Steven trailed after her, and Pearl went to Alexandrite’s car to help them pack Malachite’s stuff. Peridot watched each of them go, as hapless as a lifeboat-stranded person watching the paddles drift away.

“I...ah...hmm.”

She looked at Amethyst. Amethyst hadn’t noticed, but she had been clutching her stomach.

“Amethyst? Are you...okay?”

Amethyst shifted her weight and looked at her shoes. “Yeah. I’m fine. ‘S just weird. And kinda...I dunno...anticlimatic? Like I thought maybe the fighting would stop but it just got worse. And…”

She hesitated, unsure if she should mention this, but Peridot had noticed it and it was too late. Peridot frowned. “What?”

“I’m worried about Jasper,” Amethyst admitted, glancing around to make sure the former gym teacher was gone. “When we were walking the dogs, she was talking about stuff that Lapis tells her. And it’s...I guess...it’s familiar. Not with you. As in, it sounds like stuff Sugilite used to tell me.”

“Oh.” Peridot deflated. “I mean...maybe it’s just how they get along. From what I’ve seen, sure, they fight, but clearly they’re infatuated with each other as well. Lapis has _two_ lockets with pictures of Jasper in them.

“I guess.” But that didn’t mean anything, Amethyst knew. Or at least, she tried to tell herself that. Because she thought of Sugilite, of the pictures Amethyst sent every night, of the praise and the flattery and the _infatuation._ Peridot wouldn’t know, she hadn’t met Amethyst back then — but _everyone_ knew Amethyst had Sugilite wrapped around her finger. Garnet told her that it was a cover-up for the abuse Amethyst had experienced. It was just hard to remember.

“It just sucks,” Amethyst said instead.

Behind them, a horn honked, causing Peridot to jump. “Hey! Peridot! You coming?” Obsidian hollered out the window of Alexandrite’s car.

“Wait, one second!” Peridot called back, then turned to Amethyst. Hesitantly, she reached out and clasped their hands together, looking Amethyst in the eye.

“Amethyst. I know it’s hard here. Come with me.”

She made it sound like she would be leaving forever. Well, she said a lot of things dramatically, so that didn’t necessarily mean anything, but it still wasn’t appealing for some reason. “Per, I dunno…”

“I can tell them to wait while you get your overnight bag,” continued Peridot excitedly, “and explain to Pearl for you if you’d like. And we can put Malachite in the trunk again so you don’t have to sit near her! Vidalia’s getting Chinese takeout for tonight, I know you love egg fried rice too, I’ll just tell her to order double extras, and I’m sure Vidalia would let you stay longer than just tonight if you need — ”

“I’m just not feeling good.” It wasn’t a fake excuse. Most of the time, the only thing she needed to cheer herself up was a cuddle session and time with friends. But today, after all that… she didn’t want to stay in the house, she didn’t want to talk to people she knew, she just wanted to be out by herself and alone. Or at least with someone who didn’t know about the Lazulis. She didn’t care. She felt like she might regret rejecting Peridot’s offer, but she didn’t know if she could handle it if she accepted. So she said, “I...I don’t want to go. Sorry.”

Peridot’s face fell. The bad part of Amethyst expected her to get mad, but she didn’t — just said “Oh. Okay. That’s fine.”

She moved to let go of Amethyst's hand, but the dejection on her face was too much to handle. Amethyst did not let go. Instead she pulled Peridot closer and kissed her, soft and drawn out like their first. Just like their first, Peridot melted into it, and ran one hand through Amethyst’s hair. When they pulled apart, Amethyst offered a small smile.

“Hey. I’m not mad at you,” she told Peri. “You did what you had to with Malachite. I just...I need some space. Like that one silly shirt you left here, like, three months ago,” she added with a wide grin. “Take it home already.”

“I keep forgetting,” Peridot whined. “I’ll get it today. Do you know where it is?”

Amethyst paused, thought, then shrugged. “Nah.”

Peridot snorted. “Oh my stars.”

They fell quiet. Peridot touched Amethyst’s face. “Just...take care of yourself,” she said, and kissed Amethyst again.

Then she left with Alexandrite, Malachite, and Obsidian, leaving Amethyst on the front lawn alone.

“I’m going out,” Amethyst told Pearl, who was already at work fixing the flowerbeds.

Pearl pushed back her sunhat. “Where?”

“Out,” Amethyst repeated tersely.

She took the pink Volkswagen for a change, and parked on a side street just off of downtown. She got lunch at the Pizza family’s pizzeria, but had to repeat the “I’m just here for alone time” to Jenny and Kiki. Then she wandered the downtown, headphones in, indie rock layered over the sounds of Beach City on a hot Midwest afternoon.

As she waited at an intersection, a trio of motorcycles puttered to a stop next to her. Sure enough, it was some of the Quartz Bikers, marked by the glittering rhinestones on their helmets. At the head was Aventurine, with Poemä latched to the back of her leather jacket. Praisolite was there too, and Agate was apparently back from Miami — with a ferocious new bike too, complete with red-and-gold flames. They waved to her and she waved back. If only she had a bike of her own...but with Lapis, Jasper, and the dogs to feed, not to mention the neverending repairs needed to keep Rosewood Mansion still standing, there wasn’t money for gifts anymore. (Briefly that hell called _college_ nagged over her shoulder, but she pushed it away.) No, if she wanted a bike, she’d have to get it herself.

Then, she stopped walking. Slowly, she turned to her left, to the small, familiar bakery nestled at the end of Main Street. Her reflection in the glass fell on an old purple sign reading _Now Hiring, Inquire Within —_ in Amethyst’s bubbly handwriting.

The bell above the door tinkled when she pushed it open, and the glorious smells of sugar and fresh dough filled her nose — just like they always did. The girl at the counter turned around, her blond curls bobbing. When she recognized Amethyst, her face lit up.

“Hey! Long time no see, Ammy,” said Sadie. “What can I do for you?”

Amethyst jerked her head back to the _Now Hiring_ sign. “Some sign said y’all hiring,” she replied, smiling awkwardly. “I’ve got experience.”

Sadie’s grin widened. “Welcome back.”

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- yes Alexandrite dresses head to toe even in the summer because she is Muslim. Peridot wasn’t sure because she lived in the conservative rural south for like 90% of her life  
> \- i don’t know what Malachite was doing in Chicago. I think it’s best not to think too hard about it.  
> \- about Lapis and Jasper: BAD ROLE MODELS. and likely subject to much discussion in the future. their situation IS important and it runs along the lines of a convincing theory i saw on tumblr.  
> \- TO LAPIS FANS: if you were deterred by any of this, rest assure that we’re going to see lapis’s and malachite’s side of the story soon, and that i will try my damnest to not alter lapis’s characterization from canon. i believe her story as told in canon is an important one and want to see if i can jump ahead and complete it within the context and themes of this story.  
> \- ****this is not going to become a Jaspis-only story im not putting amedot on the side i have a p l a n****  
> \- I dont like how so much of this was different from my normal style either but the chapter is HERE and as much subplot as this was, it WILL be important just chill fam


	26. Message Man

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> \- Message Man — twenty one pilots -
> 
> "I'm the kind of guy  
> Who takes every moment he knows he confided in music to use it  
> For others to use it,  
> You're dead 'cause how could you sleep at a time like this"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kinda just a collection of things, heavy on the peridot backstory and light on the amedot but mostly a prologue to the next chapter
> 
> idk shit

It always began the same: Peridot stood on the side of the road, her bare feet submerged in an inch of snow. Everything was quiet. Even the wind, though it stung her face with snowflakes and pushed her long black hair across her face, didn’t feel like anything. Didn’t make a sound.

Like always, she turned around. She surveyed the scene before her — the car, sunk in snow, with deep gouges across the driver’s side. The doors were sheared off like a knife had scraped across the sides, baring the insides of the car, letting in the snow.

And without warning she was inside the sideless car, hands locked around the wheel. She didn’t know what was in front of her, only what was behind her, curled up in the backseat, unconscious and wrapped in an aviator jacket. She had to get Amethyst home. Had to get her safe. How had this happened again? She couldn’t think straight, couldn’t breathe, couldn’t move her hands. The rain was getting in.

And then...then it wasn’t. Then, it was new. Someone else’s hands were around the wheel. Peridot was Amethyst — no, just where Amethyst was sitting. She felt so small, she had to stretch to see out of the window to her right, and when she did all she could see was more snow. She couldn’t recognize the street they were on. It was dark in the way four o’clock is dark in December, with the city’s lights reflecting red on the snow clouds, the streetlights casting ghostly shadows across her lap as the car moved through the streets. They had never taken this road before. Next to her, baby Luli was starting to cry; Daiyu was whining. Mom had forgotten her seat belt, and Chen didn’t know how to do it.

A phone rang. From the driver’s seat, Mom snatched it up and began to yell. Luli cried harder.

The snow was coming down fast now, and the streets were all white. Mom wasn’t looking where she was going. Just kept yelling at the phone. Yelling at Dad. Daiyu whined because she didn’t have her seat belt, she whined because she liked Dad better. Chen stayed quiet. She only watched as Mom began to swear. As she stopped the car with a jerk that made Daiyu start to cry too. As the light turned green — as Mom shot forward — as she lost control, and as the car began to slide.

She could only watch the impact, only scream at the tearing and the yellow lights and the rain on her face and the silence from Daiyu and the silence from Amethyst and —

_ “Mom! MOM!” _

Peridot woke with a start, eyes wide, fists clenched against her chest. Her leg _ burned.  _ She’d been crying in her sleep. Everything was dark except a dim blue light from her door; Sour Cream was there, calling for his mom. 

And it felt like forever but then Vidalia came. She flicked on the bedside light and knelt next to Peridot, her hair haloed in the yellow glow. Peridot wanted to say something, tell her that she was fine, but she couldn’t even get out a word, she was in so much pain. She just cried.

By this point, that’s all Vidalia needed to know. Just as she had done a dozen times, she picked up Peridot in both arms and carried her like a small child down to the living room couch. She disappeared for a few awful seconds before rushing back with a towel, a small bottle, and a glass of water. The towel, wet and warm, went around Peridot’s leg stump. The bottle was ibuprofen.

After asking if that was okay for now, Vidalia vanished a second time. She returned with a heating pad, tissues, and a cup of steaming chamomile tea. The pain wasn’t gone by any means, but Peridot had gotten a grip on herself long enough to stop crying and down the highest dosage of ibuprofen she could handle. The heat of the towel and then the pad dampened the sharp pain down to a dull throbbing. Vidalia asked if she needed a massage. Peridot responded not yet and kept sipping her tea.

This was the point in the post-nightmare and post-phantom pain episodes where she always felt the worst — self-conscious definitely, maybe helpless. She could never escape the thought that she shouldn’t force Vidalia to take care of her, even if Vidalia and Mr. Yellowtail had chosen to foster her and all...it still felt weird. She couldn’t get used to it.

And she wouldn’t.

She looked back up to Vidalia, who was at the other end of the couch and watching her intently. The clock on the wall to the left said 2:37. “You going back to bed?” Vidalia asked.

Peridot shrugged. “Not yet.” She could sleep in anyway.

“Did you have a nightmare?”

That’s why she didn’t want to sleep again. Peridot shifted, leaning between the pillow behind her and the couch cushion to the side. “Yeah.”

“Do you need to talk?”

Peridot shrugged. Then, after a small silence, she said, “Some more stupid flashbacks.”

“I can see if Amethyst’s still up,” Vidalia offered, clearly remembering earlier episodes — earlier on, Peridot had had trouble differentiating between the dreams and reality. One particularly bad time had only ended when Vidalia called Amethyst on Skype to ease Peridot’s anxiety. Obviously, Peridot objectively  _ knew  _ Amethyst was okay, but as Vidalia said, PTSD was a bitch. Sometimes, if the flashback went as normal, the emotions would just flood back and it would be awful. The thought of losing Amethyst, of just  _ watching  _ that car come into their lane…the idea that someone could have died because of Peridot was sometimes too much to take at three in the morning.

Except the dream hadn’t gone as usual. These feelings, this bitter taste was fresh, but old. “I mean...it was that,” Peridot tugged the string of the tea bag, looping it around her index finger, “but it was something else too. How my mom took us away from our dad. I think the two accidents just blended this time. That’s all. I’m sorry.”

Vidalia got up and knelt next to Peridot, her face wrinkled into a frown. “No, no, Dottie, you don’t have to apologize. I get it. It’s kinda weird bouncing around to people with all your baggage, but if you need to talk, I wanna hear. I’m your foster mom.”

“I’m done,” Peridot said stiffly. Vidalia scrutinized her for a second, something unreadable in her kind brown eyes, something sad in the laugh lines around her mouth. She pushed a stray lock of hair out of Peridot’s eyes.

“Okay,” said Vidalia, “but I’ll try and get a closer appointment with your therapist.”

“What about my case worker?”

The case worker, Mrs. Bedford, was scheduled to come next Wednesday, and would most certainly have questions about how Peridot was adapting to life post-crash. If she didn’t have good news, it’d just be more strikes against the Yellowtails and against Peridot as a candidate for adoption. Vidalia pressed her lips together, then shrugged. “I dunno. I’ll see if I can get the therapy in before she comes, ‘kay?”

Then Peridot asked the question she knew the answer to. She never meant to ask it. But between the pain and the drowsiness, it slipped out. “Do you think the therapy might make people want to foster me?”

Vidalia was quiet; her smile dimmed. The logical side of Peridot suddenly thought that maybe she shouldn’t have asked that, but then Vidalia put her hand over Peridot’s and squeezed. “You don’t need the therapy to be lovable,” she told Peridot. “I know you haven’t had much luck with families lately, but that’s not your fault. That’s their fault, that they don’t see a future Nobel prize winner and the bravest girl I’ve ever seen.”

Peridot didn’t say anything, just stared at her tea. When she met Vidalia’s eyes, her eyes were twinkling.

“I’ll let you in on a secret,” Vidalia lowered her voice despite the fact that they were alone. “Mrs. Bedford told me not to tell you yet, but I think you’d like to know. She’s in process of striking reunification from your list. There’s a family that’s looking to adopt, and they want more than anything in the world to have you as a forever daughter.”

Now, Peridot was truly speechless.  _ Adoption.  _ She’d only ever heard that once, back when she was newly fostered and had dimples, but nothing had ever come from that. No one wanted a disabled, asocial Chinese girl. Until now.

“They’re not sure if they can afford it,” continued Vidalia, “but I think, give it less than a year, they’ll have everything sorted out. I’ve been talking with them about you and they say that they don’t care about your leg, or your autism, or your flashbacks. They want  _ you _ , Dot.”

_ They want me. _

Peridot couldn’t believe what she was hearing. A forever family wanted her. Suddenly, she was bursting with questions.

“What are they like?” she asked. She had to put down her tea, she was so excited she felt as if she might spill it. “Are there other kids? Are they sure about this, do they have background in helping invalids, I mean you didn’t but I wouldn’t want to go in and for them to be completely unprepared. Do you know if — ah — did you tell them about Amethyst? When do I get to meet them? Do they live near here or — ”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa, starchild,” Vidalia grinned. “I gotta leave some secrets. I’m sure they’ll be fine. I mentioned that you have a girlfriend...well, genderfluid partner. They’re perfectly accepting of you two. But any more, my lips are zipped.”

“What? Aww…what about — ”

“Zzzzzzip,” hummed Vidalia, pulling her fingers across her lips. “You don’t need to worry about a thing. Just relax.”

But she couldn’t relax. She stared, dazed, at her knees; back up to Vidalia; to her knees and hands again.  _ Adoption.  _ Such a weird thought. The Holy Grail for all abandoned kids. To Peridot, it meant two things: one, stability at long last; two, the possibility of returning to Family Zero was gone. If Peridot was being struck from the reunification list and offered up for adoption, Mom must’ve been finally deemed a hopeless case. Dad was still likely missing — what a surprise. But now, she wouldn’t have to think about them again. No more flashbacks. No more nightmares. They couldn’t touch her anymore.

It was unreal in the intensity of it all, the knowledge that she wouldn’t have to simply wait to age out of the system and get her own life. Even more, when she did become an adult, she wouldn’t be alone to do it. She’d have parents to help her. She would have help in getting her driver’s license; she would have people to come home to during college; she’d finally get to use “Mom” or “Dad” or both or two of each. And — it only came to mind because she knew Amethyst would bring it up for the laughs — there would be someone to walk her down the aisle. Amethyst always joked that Garnet could take Peridot…now Peridot, if she ever got there, could have someone of her own.

She wanted to ask so many more questions, but Vidalia had zipped her lips. And she never went back on a promise. But Peridot was too excited to sleep now. “I can’t  _ relax,”  _ she said simply. “Oh god, if I thought I might fall asleep again, I just proved myself horridly wrong. Can I stay up and watch TV? I’ll take a nap this afternoon, I promise.”

Vidalia laughed and stood up, taking Peridot’s tea. “Okay. Just keep the volume down. You done with this?”

“Umm…actually, no. Can I suck on the tea bag please?”

“Heh. I dunno what it is with you kids and doing that.” She gave the teacup back anyway. “How’s your leg?”

“Better. I can take care of myself now I think.”

“A’ight. I’m goin’ back to bed then.”

“Thank you, Vidalia. Good night.”

“Anytime, Dottie.”

.

_ Knock, knock, knock. _

Peridot shifted positions, pulling the thin blanket tighter, even though she wasn’t cold. Just habit. Blearily, she opened her eyes. She was still lying on the couch. The empty cup of tea and dry teabag were on the coffee table. Fortunately she had unplugged the heating pad before falling asleep — it was on the ground, neatly folded up with the cord wrapped around it. The TV was on, turned to Cartoon Network, and the credits for Adventure Time were rolling. Unfortunately, Peridot had done it again and thrown the pillows across the room, and her cheek pressed into her forearm. Her glasses were crooked. The clock said 12:26.

The house, bathed in warm yellow light, was quiet. Peridot was just about to drift off to sleep again when the noise came again:  _ knock knock knock.  _ Ugh. “Vidalia!” she yowled automatically, but there was no response. That was when she sat up, straightened her glasses, and noticed the post-it attached to her teacup.

_ Took Onion and SC to the pool. Sorry, did not want to wake you. Leftover McDonald’s in the fridge. Could not find your crutches so got your wheelchair. Call me if any problems. Love you :) – Vidalia _

_ Knock knock knock.  _ Peridot groaned. Guess she’d have to hop to the front door…then she noticed the wheelchair at the end of the couch. Oh. Vidalia really did think of everything. “Coming!” she yelled to whoever was at the door, and with no small amount of effort hopped over to the wheelchair. Well, she was a certified mess, all with an awful bedhead and a Black Lives Matter shirt that went down to her knees (probably Amethyst’s). Ah well.

The bad-tempered part of her was ready to answer the door with “ _ What,  _ clod?” until she opened it.

She did a double take, as did the person at the door. He was short and middle-aged, with salt-and-pepper hair, horn-rimmed glasses, and a close-shaven beard. Kinda reminded Peridot of a gently-worn teddy bear stuffed into an orange polo shirt — for the most part, sturdy and stout, but all-around pudgy and huggable.

“Mr. Albus?” she asked. Sure, she was glad to see him, but it’s a little weird for your biology teacher to just show up at your front door. He clearly held this same opinion.

“Oh! Uh, hello, Peridot,” Mr. Albus replied. He glanced at a piece of paper in his hand. “Is this…er…is this 4643 Valley Street? I, uh, one of the numbers was missing off your mailbox.”

“Someone hit it with a car,” Peridot said flatly. “But I’m inclined to believe that this isn’t the right place. This is 4663; Alexandrite Ahuja lives at 4643.”

“I’m looking for Malachite Lazuli-Dominguez.”

Oh boy. “She lives there too, yes,” sighed Peridot. “But from what I know, she’s not in great condition.”

More like  _ I’ve heard several very worrying sounds of violence over the past week from down the block; just a few days there was a small squad of cop cars lining the street; Amethyst has reported extensive arguing from the Lazulis lately because apparently they failed to tell the police that she is back and formally register her with a drug and alcohol prevention unit. She’s currently under house arrest with Alexandrite, who is somehow not at all affected by this. _

Then Mr. Albus nodded and said, “Oh, I know, that’s why I was going over there. Thank you.”

Peridot’s confusion was obviously quite clear on her face, as Mr. Albus continued.

“Well, you’re going to know about it anyway, so I won’t feel guilty about telling you. Lapis — I mean, her mother, Mrs. Lazuli, asked if I would accept her into my dual-credit chemistry and biology class, which does a couple labs in tandem with AP Biology. I was just going over to drop off info about the summer project. Speaking of which, how’s yours going?”

In just that one chunk of sentences, Peridot whirled through at least three different reactions. First, curiosity, then disappointment (great. More chances that she’d have to talk to Malachite), then confusion. “My what now?”

Mr. Albus huffed, a smirk pressed to his lips. “Figured. You… _ did  _ get the letter, right? I sent out emails too, just to make sure. But if there’s one thing Allnatt and I could never compromise, it was whether or not a responsible student checked their email for summer projects. They’re never gonna check it over the summer, I said,  _ I  _ hardly even check my work email; we can’t expect them to. Well, then that’s their loss, she would say, because it only shows that they deserve to fail. And she’d always end it by insulting my wife.”

Again, Peridot flicked through a plethora of responses before finally giving up. Honestly, Albus was _smart_ and amazing with teens, but definitely ADHD and bad at remembering his medication. He seemed to notice this and frowned.

“Where was I going with this?”

“Something about a letter,” Peridot prompted. He snapped his fingers.

“Right! I snail-mailed letters out to all my AP Bio students. A week ago I think. Pertaining to your summer project. I assume you didn’t see the email; did you get the letter?”

Ah. Yes, she could remember a letter now — it had arrived on the day that Alexandrite had knocked over the mailbox. Peridot had seen the envelope, but never got a chance to open it because she’d been eavesdropping at Rosewood. It was probably somewhere in the ever-growing Mail Pile on the kitchen countertop. Or on Peridot’s infernally messy desk, placed there by Vidalia but completely missed by Peridot.

“I…don’t recall such a letter, no,” said Peridot instead.

“Hmm. Okay.”

“Was I supposed to have something in at a certain time, or…?”

“Just on the first day of class. Don’t worry about it. The project’s all a diagnostic, just to see how creative you guys can get. What I want is for you to individually research a problem related to biology and develop a unique solution to it — since it’s just a pre-test, I don’t take off points for inaccuracy, but you need sources and I need to see that it’s not something that’s been overdone or anything. I was afraid the rubric was unclear, since I stole it from Allnatt. You know how her rubrics are. Were.”

“I liked her rubrics,” Peridot frowned. Mr. Albus shrugged.

“Oh. Well, this one wasn’t great. She  _ did  _ take off for inaccuracy; the entire project used to be a glorified news report. No room for creativity. I tried to keep as much of it as I could since it’s worked for ten years, but I should’ve just rewritten it.”

“So this is an entirely creative endeavor,” Peridot steered the conversation back to the project, leaning on the armrest of her wheelchair.

“Well, creativity is an important part of science,” Albus answered, sticking his thumbs through his belt loops. “But I’m sure you know that.”

“Hah! Don’t count on it.”

“Why not?”

“I’m not ‘creative’,” Peridot used finger quotes. “That was all Amethyst. She’s the artist, she always had the cool, funny ideas. I just used them. I can’t think like her.”

Mr. Albus scrutinized her, something unreadable in his warm brown eyes. He waited a few seconds until after she was done before saying anything.

“That’s fine, because I don’t want you to think like Amethyst,” he told her. “Amethyst’s ideas are great, and I did enjoy them when you two were in regular biology. But you’re not enrolled in the Amethyst class. You need to try and look around. Think about the things you like. Think about what makes them tick. I’ve seen you taking apart phones and putting them back together — now do the same thing, but with an organism. A problem. A concept. Don’t try to write something that’ll make me laugh. Write something that’ll make me wonder if it might actually work.”

Peridot turned this over in her mind, originally only with refutations, but the last part made her think. Just like taking apart a phone. She drummed her fingers on the armrest of her wheelchair, thinking idly, looking around. Listening. Outside, their automatic sprinklers switched on. A child across the street played in his front yard. Inside, a familiar song began to play on the TV — the  _ Eli and the Weirdos  _ theme.

Take apart the phone, put it back together, make it better than ever.

“Okay,” she told Mr. Albus, “thank you. I’ll…keep thinking about it. Was that it, or did you need something…?”

“Oh, no, that’s it Peridot. Thank you. And sorry for bothering you.”

“Eh. It’s fine.”

“Now, you said Malachite…lives with Alexandrite, or…what’s the situation there?”

Peridot scrunched up her eyebrows as she thought. “Yeah, that’s pretty much it,” she said. “Just, uh…”

“What?”

“Be ready to run. Or call the cops. Just don’t expect a warm welcome.”

“Noted.”

.

Three days later, Peridot stood in the kitchen, several folders’ worth of extensive notes, drawings, and graphs spread across the kitchen table. She couldn’t find a pointer stick, so she had found a fly swatter that worked reasonably well for the presentation.

After finishing she stood proudly with her arms folded, gauging the reactions of her audience. Sour Cream looked half asleep. Amethyst was leaning so far back in her chair that she was close to tipping over. Onion had vanished. Steven was smiling, but his eyes said that he was elsewhere.

“So?” Peridot asked excitedly. “What do you think?”

Sour Cream and Amethyst exchanged glances. Steven opened his mouth, then closed it, then forced a smile.

“I think it’s…cool,” he said. “You look like you spent a lot of work on it!

“I think I didn’t pay enough attention in bio,” Sour Cream said. Amethyst nodded, squishing up her face.

“Pear, this is super cool and all,” she told Peridot, shifting to a normal sitting position, “but I didn’t understand anything of that and  _ you  _ taught me bio. Like…what the heck is a  _ telometer? _ ”

“It’s a  _ telomere,  _ Amethyst, and that was something we actually learned in class,” Peridot rolled her eyes. “It’s a region of repetitive nucleotides at the end of chromosomes that prevents the chromosome from unwinding or fusing with other chromosomes, causing abnormalities and such.”

Amethyst, Steven, and Sour Cream just stared at her. She sighed and rubbed her forehead.

“It’s like that thing at the end of a shoelace.”

“Oooooohhhhh,” said Sour Cream. “An aglet.”

Steven’s face lit up. “Yeah!”

Peridot frowned. “A what?”

“Yeah. An aglet,” Amethyst grinned. “You know.  _ A-G-L-E-T, don’t forget it…” _

She was singing some sort of very catchy yet ingratiating song. Soon Steven and Sour Cream jumped in too, both kind of out of tune but certainly emphatic about the song. “Alright, that’s enough, sit down, you three,” Peridot gently whacked each of them with the fly swatter and they obeyed. “So a telomere is just like an aglet. Wherever that ridiculous word came from. Or that ridiculous song. And the ‘machine’ it comes from is called a telomerase. Now, if this is going to work, I continue to stress the importance of the telomerase, so as not to — ”

“Hold on,” Amethyst put up a hand. “Back up the truck. Beep, beep, beep. Peridot, you’re gonna have to start from the beginning.”

Peridot pondered this. She thought she had explained perfectly easily — maybe a little fast, but really, this should all be review for all of them, even Steven! “Well, you all watched  _ Eli and the Weirdos,”  _ she said matter-of-factly. “How do you not get this?”

“Huh?” said Sour Cream.

“This is about  _ Eli and the Weirdos?” _ Steven exclaimed, eyes wide. “Oh no, I haven’t even caught up with the new episodes yet! Peridot, you know how I feel about spoilers…”

“It’s not spoilers,” Peridot cut in. “It’s  _ just  _ the main premise of the entire show. You know! Artificial gene synthesis! How to write and make artificial human DNA! You know! Did I not mention that?”

“No!” Amethyst cried, her voice cracking. “Wait — did you honestly research  _ how to do it?!” _

Sour Cream gaped. “Dude, that’s  _ legit!  _ So how  _ do  _ you do it?”

All three of them suddenly seemed 400% more interested. Yes! “Oh, it’s simple. Well, according to my research, we know exactly how to string together a DNA strand that resembles a human’s. It’s not oligo design that’s the problem at all. It’s the entire process of synthesis that has the limits — when they’re building the gene, there comes a point where it just…can’t get any longer. Like a tower of building blocks. It gets too tall, it topples. And humans have some of the longest DNA strands out there. So what’s stopping us from making humans isn’t the process itself, but clearly an environmental factor.”

Steven was raising his hand. Peridot pointed the fly swatter at him. “Yes, Steven?”

“What do you mean by…environmental factor?”

“Ah! Right. By that I mean it’s not the problem of the synthesized DNA strand itself. That’s perfectly fine. What I think is that something’s throwing the construction off. Something like temperature, containment, surrounding fluids. So what I have proposed is a leap for molecular biology and nanotechnology — an artificial nucleus with a controlled environment engineered for DNA synthesis! Once we have eliminated all possible  _ natural  _ variables, we can decide what’s really the problem. Of course, it might not  _ fix _ it, but I haven’t found anything to suggest that it’s been done before. The only time I’ve ever heard talk of it is on  _ Eli and the Weirdos.  _ So I took the problem presented there and I tried to think my way out.”

It was a nearly identical speech to the one she’d given before, just slower and without all the technical jazz. But she got much better reactions this time. 

“Wooooow,” Steven marveled, his eyes sparkling.

“Peri,” said Amethyst, “that’s pretty raw.”

“Yeah,” added Sour Cream, and picked up a diagram. “Wait, did you get Mom to draw these?”

“Thank you. Yes, she did all my drawings! I tried, but my molecular engines started looking like worms so she took over, and I just told her what to do. We do make a pretty good team!”

“And this is just for school? Or are you actually gonna do it?” asked Steven.

Peridot smiled at his naiveté. “Oh, Steven. Of course I can’t actually do it. This is all hypothetical. It probably wouldn’t even work,” she dismissed with a wave of her hand. “But I think Mr. Albus will like it.”

.

_ (One week later) _

“This is incredible!” exclaimed Mr. Albus, flipping through Peridot’s second draft. “It might actually work!”

“Wait, what?” said Peridot.

She’d just come by to ask a question she couldn’t find only (why she thought a high school biology teacher would know it, she didn’t know) but Albus seemed ready to take her project now. They were in his living room, accompanied by Vidalia and occasionally Mr. Albus’s wife, Chelle. Every once in a while, they would be joined by the youngest of the Albus kids, galloping up and down the stairs and chasing each other through the living room before vanishing in a chorus of howls. Chelle had long since vanished as well to keep them quiet.

Mr. Albus leaned forward and looked up from the papers, beaming. “I’ve never seen anything like this,” he said, looking between Peridot and Vidalia. “It’s — it’s professional, sensible, unique — ”

“Actually, I got the idea from a cartoon,” Peridot admitted.

“So what? The hypothesis is yours, right?”

Slowly, she nodded.

“Wild guess, but are the drawings Vidalia’s?”

“Hah! You know it,” grinned Vidalia. “We were lab partners in chem, ‘fore I dropped out and all.”

“Your art style is pretty iconic,” Albus mused. “You should illustrate science textbooks.”

Vidalia waved her index finger at him. “Oh no, we’re not having this conversation again, Meganerd.”

Peridot found that this might be a good place to jump in and prevent the old folks from reminiscing too much. “So the hypothesis,” she said, “you think it could actually work?”

Mr. Albus stroked his chin. “I don’t see anything suggesting it  _ won’t.  _ Normally, I’d consult with Allnatt before going anywhere with this…but Allnatt’s not here. And it just so happens that one of my fishing buddies is also the chair of the biology department at Northern Illinois University.”

The magnitude of Albus’s proposal began to dawn on Peridot, and her mouth opened slowly. “You’re not saying…”

“I’ll have to keep looking at this,” continued Albus. “But if all your estimates are sound, if everything fits, I can get this hypothesis tested. In a real, professional research lab.”

“No way,” said Peridot. Should she pinch herself? This had to be a dream. Vidalia leaned over and squeezed her in a side-hug. Mr. Albus beamed.

“Yes way.”

Suddenly, Peridot was bursting with questions. “Do I get to help in the experiment? I have to apply for a research grant, don’t I? But to do that…don’t I need to publish a paper? I — oh stars, how do I do that? I’m not even in the university, I don’t even have a degree! I didn’t actually think any of my plans were legitimate! Sure, they seemed like the most possible options, but that they really WORK? Oh stars. Does this mean I have to go into a biology career now? This was not my original plan…”

“What was your original plan?” asked Albus.

Peridot looked him in the eye. “Astrophysics.”

Albus absorbed this and nodded. “Could always double major.”

“Possibly.”

“But that’s all very far into the future,” continued Albus. “The hypothesis comes first. I could get it to Dr. Watsis immediately…which may be ideal, as the labs would be free to professors and you, since classes are out.  You could go in whenever you wanted. Of course…it wouldn’t be  _ finished  _ before school begins…but again, that’s very far in the future…I want you just to write your final draft, and I can send it in, and we’ll see what what happens, a’ight?”

Peridot wanted to hug him, but instead she just said, “Thank you, Mr. Albus,” and grinned to Vidalia. Her foster mom clapped her hand firmly on Peridot’s shoulder and hugged her again.

“I’m so proud of you,” she smiled.

“You’ve got a lot to be proud of,” Mr. Albus handed back Peridot’s paper. “I look forward to seeing the final thing. But — don’t stress about it, okay? I know that’s a problem for you. But don’t worry. It’s just between you, me, and my friend. Think of it like that.”

“Okay,” Peridot nodded briskly. “Nothing to be nervous about.”

Just the chance of a lifetime. 


	27. Be Calm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> \- Be Calm — fun. -
> 
> "Take it from me, I've been there a thousand times,  
> You hate your pulse because it still thinks you're alive  
> And everything's wrong;  
> It just gets so hard sometimes  
> Be calm, be calm"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> happy friday the 13th guys
> 
> preface the hell chapter by saying that peridot’s new hair looks like how crystalwitches on tumblr draws it in the occult AU. and also that I have spent more time in NIU’s Faraday Hall than you know
> 
> anyway idk how to warn about the shit in this chapter but it’s intense. i guess...warnings for emotional manipulation and child neglect, if i forgot anything pls let me know i wrote this very fast

“I’m so nervous right now, I could probably throw up,” said Peridot.

It was in response to Vidalia’s question, a simple “how are you feeling”. It was a week after Peridot had finished her project, late July by now. They were in the car on the way to Northern Illinois University, with Vidalia driving and Peridot fiddling with her clothes. Vidalia was wearing her nicest shirt and Peridot wore a white button-down and green argyle vest that were too hot for the day, but at least presentable. Anxiously, Peridot checked her hair — trimmed much shorter and all blond, her roots touched up and no longer sloppy-looking. The copious gel and hairspray made sure it stayed up and sharp. As Amethyst would call it, “the semiformal butch look”.

“Like I’m COMPLETELY prepared,” Peridot continued rambling, “at least, I’d be prepared if this was a high school presentation. But the standards HAVE to be different, what do I expect? These are  _ university professors... _ what if I come off as amateur? My leg’s aching again; I didn’t have time for my exercises; what if I can’t stand up? My legs always get shaky when I’m nervous; it’s hard on my foot... Vidalia, can’t we please go back for my chair, I don’t know if I can do this…”

They stopped at a red light and Vidalia turned to look at her. “Peridot. You’re gonna do great,” she said firmly. “We don’t have time to go back, otherwise you’ll be late. But me and Max are gonna be there the whole time. You can tell us if something’s wrong.”

The light turned green and she kept going. Peridot stared at the trees passing by, the imposing university buildings, the occasional summer school student on the sidewalks. Indecisive, she rolled up her dress pant leg around the socket of her prosthetic, then unrolled it to hide the prosthetic, then thought about how sometimes hems got caught in the springy ankle joint and rolled it back up. But looming over all her thoughts was failure.

Mr. Albus was waiting when they arrived at Faraday Hall, dressed up in a brown suit and looking very uncomfortable indeed. He, as well, looked rather anxious, and offered to take Peridot’s computer bag with hands that moved too fast. “Remember,” he said, “if it gets too hard to look everyone in the eye, look at their foreheads. It’s just four professors and a grad student who would like to work with you. Nothing to be worried about.”

Peridot’s mouth was too dry to respond.  _ Yeah,  _ she tried to say,  _ nothing to be worried about. _

Albus opened the door to a conference room, and the five people standing inside all turned to her.

“Hello, everyone,” Albus took the lead (thankfully), “this is Peridot Sun. And this is her guardian, Vidalia Yellowtail.”

He led Peridot around to each of the standing people, introducing them one by one. The first was Dr. Watsis, the chairman of the biology department, an older heavyset man who shook her hand and smiled warmly. After that, Dr. Nkosi, a biology professor, a South African man with a heavy accent and a glass eye (he looked at Peridot’s prosthetic and smiled wider). Then Dr. Breidenbach, a professor in chemistry, a tiny white woman with silver hair and frail but steady hands. Last was the grad student, a stout, pale Japanese boy named Takeshi Itou who complimented her profusely despite not having seen her project yet.

And Peridot was just about to decide that this wasn’t so bad when Mr. Albus turned to the last person.

The last professor had his back to the rest of the group and was on his phone, typing so fast his fingers were just blurs. From what Peridot could see, he was also Asian, with olive skin and grey-streaked black hair, and was short as well. “And our newest professor from IT,” said Mr. Albus as he led Peridot to the man. “He’s worked with the biology research team on the gene synthesis algorithms.”

The last professor turned around. And Peridot couldn’t help but look down from his forehead — to the thick glasses, the pointed chin, the sharp nose. The thin, pressed frown. The widow’s peak, like hers.

“Peridot, this is Dr. Chanming Sun.”

.

Eleven years ago, a five-year-old girl named Chen Sun got off the school bus, turned down an alley, and ducked into a dark doorway.

Inside it was dark, lit only by yellow bulbs ringed by a haze of smoke that would never clear. The walls around her seemed as if they were always holding their breath, in places bulging out, in others peeling and cracked. Climbing the stairwell was more like climbing a ladder, and she tried not to look down through the cracks, or think about her heavy backpack pulling her down to the ground. As she passed the second floor, she heard a woman scream’s — and soon after, a chorus of men’s laughter.

At last, she reached her apartment, unlocked it with the key around her neck, and crept in. It was empty, she’d expected that. But she still found that she was holding her breath.

It was just because of the residual smoke, she would tell herself for years. It wasn’t.

Like she did everyday, Chen dropped her her backpack and shoes in the closet, climbed up on a chair to reach the box on the shelf, and carried it in both arms to the kitchen table. Inside were the remains of a laptop computer, wires, motherboard, casing, and all. The original plastic casing was still in pieces, but a new, whole casing had appeared and waited her attention. Carefully, she picked the shards from the original casing out of the box and peeled the bandaids off her tiny fingers. Even though some of the cuts from yesterday’s accident were still open, she needed full dexterity for this.

And with the touch of an expert, she set the motherboard into the casing and began to work.

It was dark by the time someone interrupted her with a knock on the door. It was Mrs. Williams, their neighbor, who watched Daiyu and Luli while Chen was at kindergarten and Mom was at work. The first time she had come and only seen Chen home, she had been surprised. Now, she just looked worried.

“Your momma’s not here?” Mrs. Williams asked Chen as she led in Daiyu and put Luli in the crib. Chen shook her head.

“My dad will be.”

Mrs. Williams stared at her; Chen didn’t know why. Then she shook her head.

“Oh. I gotta get back to my own babies. But remember, you give me a yell if somethin’ goes wrong, o’ if your daddy doesn’t come soon, a’ight?”

Chen nodded. Mrs. Williams left, Chen sat down at the computer again, and she pressed the power button. It switched on with a glow.

Dad did come, exactly four minutes later. Daiyu ran to him and hugged his leg; he smiled stiffly and told her to go play. Luli was whining halfheartedly. But Dad just stood in the door, watching Chen’s soft, scratched fingers chicken-peck lines of code. She always went slower when he was watching. She couldn’t help but look up now and then.

“Where is your mother?” Dad asked suddenly. Chen stopped typing to think, but Dad said shortly, “Keep coding”, and she obeyed.

“Mommy,” said Chen in between taps, “is…I don’t. Know.” It was always hard to talk right. But it was harder to talk when coding. The code was in English and she talked to her family in Chinese. She scrunched up her nose. “I think...with friends. At the party place.” Later, she would later learn that the real word for “party place” was nightclub.

Dad didn’t respond past a raised chin and a muttered, “Typical.”

He watched her work for a few minutes more before Luli’s whines turned into cries and he went to quiet her. Daiyu waddled in and said she was hungry; Dad told her to keep playing and put a frozen pizza in the oven. While it cooked, he sat next to Chen and kept watching. Within that time she had recovered the backup memory and restored the system to some semblance of order, and turned it to face Dad. He nodded, looked it over, and put it in his briefcase.

“Good work, Chen. I will get you a present, okay?”

“Okay, Daddy,” she replied, and smiled when he patted her head. Then he took something out of his pocket, a plastic bag containing a bunch of parts and a tiny, hand-sized casing.

“I have a new project for you.”

At first, Chen was excited, but when she reached for the bag she stretched out all her fingers and her cuts hurt. She was getting very sleepy, so much that she struggled to keep her eyes open, and the cut on her index finger was bleeding really bad. She let Dad keep holding the bag of parts and put her finger in her mouth.

“I don’t want to.”

Dad’s mouth tightened. “Why not?”

But Chen didn’t know how to say “My fingers hurt, I’m tired, and I want to play like Daiyu does.” If she said that, he might make her go to bed without pizza again. So she just said again, mumbling around the finger in her mouth, “I don’t want to.”

“I know you don’t,” said Dad, “but you have to, okay? For our family. If you don’t fix this phone, I can’t keep my new job. And then I can’t stay with you and your sisters anymore. Do you want me to go away? Do you want your mother to take you away? Do you want to make your sisters sad?”

She didn’t know how to say that he hardly stayed around now, only showing up to pick up old projects and drop off new ones. When Mommy came home, he left anyway, and the sisters got sad on their own. But if he left forever, she didn’t know what she would do. Mommy didn’t let her ever build things or code. Mommy got mad all the time. Dad did not. Sometimes, he was the only thing preventing Mommy from yelling at her. And despite herself, Chen began to cry, and she shook her head and clenched her little scratched fingers. He was right. She had to do it.

“No,” she whimpered. He held open his arms and she hugged him.

“That’s right,” he told her. “You’re going to be fine. My little girl. My little genius. You’ll always help your daddy, right?”

“Yes.”

“Good. I love you.”

She didn’t respond.

.

_ \- Present day - _

It was him. There was no doubt about it. He hadn’t changed in eleven years — but  _ why here?  _ Why now? This couldn’t be happening. No, it wasn’t. Peridot wanted more than anything to see a different face there, but then Dr. Sun was shaking her hand and saying “Nice to meet you,” and the voice was so familiar, Peridot was filled with the bitter urge to cry.

Then a hand rested gently on her shoulder. Vidalia. Once Dr. Sun was distracted, talking to Mr. Albus, Vidalia leaned in close with worry on her face. “Peridot?” she asked. “Do you…?”

She nodded, swallowing over the squeezing in her throat. “That’s my dad,” she murmured, only loud enough for Vidalia to hear. “I don’t think he recognizes me.”

Or she hoped. He hadn’t given any indication that he did — and why would he? The last time he had seen her, she had been five years old. She hadn’t had short blond hair, glasses, earrings, a scar on her forehead, or a prosthetic foot. To Dr. Sun’s knowledge, she could be any number of Chinese girls with the same, ridiculously common surname.

Vidalia looked back at Dr. Sun, still conversing casually with Mr. Albus, seemingly unshaken by the encounter. Quickly, she pulled Peridot into a hug before straightening up again. Couldn’t be too obvious that Peridot was having a breakdown, of course. Peridot gritted her teeth and surreptitiously wiped her hand across her eyes.

“Do you want to leave?” Vidalia asked. Peridot shook her head.

“I have to do this.”

“Okay. Maybe…pretend you don’t know him. You’re a good pretender.”

“Right,” said Peridot, biting her lower lip, “I don’t belong to him any more. That clod’s nothing to me. I’ve never even met him.”

Her foster mother forced a smile. “That’s my girl. Now go kick some biology butt.”

She patted Peridot’s shoulder again and went to her seat. Around them, her audience was beginning to filter to their seats around the table, and Mr. Albus motioned her up to her place. He’d set up her computer and connected it to the Powerpoint projector, and fortunately, she only had to do minimal fiddling as her audience waited. At last, the room fell quiet, seven pairs of eyes were on her, and she opened the Powerpoint. Her hands shaking, Peridot gripped the podium and took a breath.

She looked out at her audience — at the professors, Takeshi her maybe-partner, each with a notepad open. At her father, gazing as impassively as ever. And then, at Mr. Albus, at Vidalia — smiling encouragingly, indiscriminate. Even if she let them down here, they wouldn’t judge. She would still be Mr. Albus’s top student. And she would still be Vidalia’s foster child.

“Hello,” she said. “My name is Peridot. I am an incoming junior at Beach City High School. And for my AP biology diagnostic project, I asked a question that scientists have asked for decades —

“Is it possible to create a human being from scratch?”

.

It went well, and then she finished.

After explaining her hypothesis, some of the professors asked her questions. Not all of them she knew the answers to, but the first time that had happened, Dr. Nkosi interfered and said that it was fine; she shouldn’t be expected to know something she had never been taught. (She decided quickly that she liked him.)

Still, she could tell that she had made numerous mistakes that even Mr. Albus hadn’t caught, and by the end, her sweat had soaked straight through her argyle vest. When she had answered the last question, everyone applauded politely, Dr. Watsis announced a short break, and Peridot made a beeline for the bathroom.

Even after she relieved herself and splashed her face with cold water, her whole body shook. It was over. Peridot laughed — it was over.

When she dug her phone from her pocket, she found that Amethyst had sent her three Snapchats during her presentation, each of her face with a different filter.  _ Bored af,  _ said one;  _ slow day at the bakery, now going home to do chores,  _ read the second;  _ hows your science thing going?  _ asked the last.

Peridot responded with only one picture, just smiling awkwardly with a thumbs up.  _ Well, I didn’t die,  _ she captioned it. She switched to regular chat, since it was easier and she could type more.  _ They asked me a lot of questions, and I didn’t know all of them, but one of them said I was fine. I think they liked it even if I did stutter profusely. But it’s all up to them now; they’ve let me on a break while they discuss privately. All I can do is wait. _

She sent each sentence, one after the other, and watched for Amethyst to see them. They stayed firmly unread. Peridot thought of writing more, and did, but as her thumb hovered over the send button, she reread it.  _ But I saw someone here. And I’m not feeling exactly peachy about him. I need to talk to you.  _

Biting her lower lip, she deleted the whole message and rewrote it, simply,  _ Can you come over? _

Again, the message was left unread. That was fine; Peridot didn’t expect her to be on her phone every second of the day after all. But just being able to say that much to even a future Amethyst, to put it into words, that was therapeutic in and of itself. She’d be fine, Peridot told herself. They didn’t hate her. She’d be going home soon.

No longer trembling, Peridot wiped her forehead, tucked her shirt in, and turned to go. But she wasn’t looking where she was going as she left the bathroom; her eyes were on her phone. And she didn’t see  _ him  _ until it was too late.

She looked up at the movement and her gut clenched into a knot.

Dr. Sun stood not five feet in front of her, blocking her way back to the conference room. Hands in his pockets, head cocked slightly. Arrogance. Calculation. They were alone in an empty hallway.  And in that second, she knew what he knew.

“Chen,” said her father softly. “I missed you.”

Suddenly he was hugging her. They were the same height — it fit perfectly. But Peridot began to shake again, she couldn’t take this, and she shook her head. She pushed him off.

“My name is Peridot and I don’t know you,” she forced, her voice cracking. A transparent lie. Dr. Sun shifted his weight, dropping his hands by his sides. 

“I have felt so empty since they took you.”

Peridot grit her teeth. She couldn’t cry, not now. “You should’ve thought about that before you decided to sell me.”

“Sell you?” Dr. Sun’s face fell. “Chen…I…I would never...is that what you think that was? What have they told you?” 

“They told me that you were exploiting my talents for personal gain, breaching at least six child labor prevention laws,” Peridot fired back. “They decided that only changing your baby’s diapers once a day and starving a five-year-old when she didn’t fix a phone was  _ neglect.  _ That’s what they told me.”

Dr. Sun looked at the ground. Suddenly, Peridot worried — he was judging her project, what if she had made him mad? What if she was wrong, and she had really hurt him?  _ Did _ he miss her? Tentatively, she stepped forward. 

“Dad, look, I’m not — ”

His hand shot out and latched around her wrist. Stifling her words, Dr. Sun pulled Peridot down a hallway, opened a closet door, and dragged her inside before she knew what was happening. He closed and locked the door behind them. 

She’d lost control. Her prosthetic had given way and she lay on the slick concrete floor, trembling, chest heaving, her palms stinging and skinned. When she tried to get up, her knees wouldn’t let her, and as her father stalked towards her, all she could do was scramble back, pushing herself against a stack of storage boxes. 

“Chen, listen…”

“NO!” she snapped. She got to her knees even though it hurt her hands; she was so mad she couldn’t feel it. She had never felt this kind of rage before, not when she was facing Sugilite, not when she was telling off Diamond. It was impenetrable. “YOU listen. If you come one FUCKING step closer, I WILL scream. I’m NOT your daughter, I’ve gone through hell because of you, and I’m NEVER doing anything for you again.”

“Everything I did, I did for the family,” Mr. Sun shot back.

“Yeah! And you weren’t alone! Except that you had a say in what you did, you were the ONLY one who could choose! Me? Ha! I didn’t WANT to do YOUR work, and only YOU got anything out of it! You — you didn’t even help Mom when she broke down, you just ran away and paid your bail, and the money wasn’t even yours! You want me to call you selfless?”

“Your mother gambled for a living.”

“Get to the point.”

“She wasted your money on lotteries and smoking and sleeping with old men. She was never home, she hated you. And you want to call ME selfish?”

“Well, Mom’s not here.” Peridot stood up, bracing herself against the boxes. “And she’s never coming out of that nuthouse, thanks to you. Now get out of my way and leave me alone.”

She would have liked to push her way past Dr. Sun and to the door, but he didn’t move. He just stared at her, his cold, beady eyes roaming between her metal foot and her scar. At her green, yellow, and black bracelet. Her hands were in fists, just like his. 

Then his hands uncurled.

“Come home,” he said, voice suddenly soft. Peridot grit her teeth.

“No.”

“You don’t know how much I miss you, every day,” he continued. “What I have done for a chance to talk with you, just one last time. I thought I had lost you…you and your sisters. I need you. I need our family back.”

_ Her sisters.  _ The thought of them was like a drop of water onto hot metal. She hadn’t seen them in so long...Daiyu was too wild for foster homes and had bounced between group homes until now, she might’ve been in juvie for all Peridot knew. Baby Luli was in a home that kept her all eleven years, and the second reunification was ruled out, she had been adopted. Peridot didn’t know what was happening to them. She hardly felt like she knew them anymore. But the thought of them under Dad’s fist again...no. Whatever they called themselves, wherever they were, they didn’t deserve this again. Not even for family. 

“You’re not convincing me,” Peridot told him. “And it doesn’t even matter. My case is the state’s and soon I won’t even belong to them. You’ve lost reunification rights. I’m getting adopted.” 

“Please,” he tried again, almost  _ whimpering  _ now. “I don’t have to take you back. I know I can’t change the law. I only want to see you.”

Peridot narrowed her eyes. “What do you mean?”

“You could work for me — I’m the only one who understands the power of your mind. And I have power now, Chen, I have money. If you work for me, I can ensure that your paper is accepted for research, I can even get you free tuition here. You could do what you love whenever you want, without cost...with me. It can be just like old times.”

He began stepping forward, and Peridot’s stomach clenched tighter into its knot. Just over his shoulder, she caught her eye on movement — the handle of the door, jiggling as someone on the other side tried to get in. Dr. Sun didn’t see it. He reached out and caressed her face, just like he would when she was little, and she started to shake her head but then saw the door handle stop moving…

Peridot opened her mouth and screamed.

Dr. Sun’s eyes widened and he tried to clap his hand over her mouth, but Peridot was ready. She punched him. The hit had six months of upper body training and eleven years of pain behind it, and it crunched. 

It felt fucking awesome. 

Sometime between then and a little later, the door flew open and three people burst into the room — Mr. Albus, Dr. Nkosi, and Vidalia. They watched in horrid fascination as Dr. Sun crumpled like a piece of fabric, holding his nose as he fell to the floor. He lay on his side and didn’t move.

Peridot’s knees gave out. She didn’t  _ think  _ she hit the floor; someone with incredible reflexes must have seen her wobbling and caught her. The someone handed her off to someone else, and when Peridot opened her eyes, Vidalia was lowering her into a chair in the hallway. She had her hands over Peridot’s, pulling her fingers gently open from the fist.

“Peridot,” murmured Vidalia, and without warning she hugged her tightly. “I’m sorry. It’s gonna be okay. I’m so sorry.”

Peridot didn’t know what Vidalia was apologizing for. But she was crying, and Peridot had an apology weighing on her lips too, especially as she saw Dr. Nkosi and Mr. Albus leading her biological father away. 

So she cried too. 

.

On the other side of the county, Amethyst came home from work, walked into Rosewood, and promptly walked out again.

Surprisingly enough, it wasn’t because of Lapis and Jasper fighting with each other. It was because Lapis and Jasper were fighting with other people. Namely, Sapphire and Ruby, who had come over to see their daughter but stayed to argue profusely. While Sapphire and Lapis conducted a cold standoff in the kitchen about relationships and treatment of spouses, Ruby and Jasper duked it out in the living room about politics. Garnet hopped between the arguments, trying her very best to keep the peace. Pearl was busy watching the other special guest — Malachite, slumped in the couch while Steven tried to teach her about Pokemon Go. 

“Well then,” Amethyst had said, and promptly turned to the door again.

Now, she sat in her car outside the Yellowtail house, air conditioning turned up to full blast and her phone streaming music from the Yellowtails’ wifi. She wasn’t exactly sure what she was doing there, but Vidalia actually wouldn’t care if Amethyst moved in and Peridot had asked on Snapchat anyway. Hadn’t responded since or even said when they’d be back. But Amethyst was sure it’d be soon.

It turned out to be four hours.

Fifteen minutes in, Amethyst decided to make herself comfy and swung into the garage, where Yellowtail was at his workbench fixing lures. He let her in and she hung out with Sour Cream for a while, who hadn’t heard from Peridot or Vidalia either, but they had fun sending memes to Jenny and Buck and then exploring Skyrim glitches. Three hours in, Amethyst decided to go home in defeat. Then she saw that Jasper and Malachite were at each other’s throats and Lapis had locked herself in Amethyst’s bathroom (was that really the only place left to cry in?). Amethyst promptly returned to the Yellowtails’. 

They still weren’t back. Anxious, she sent out a fifth text:  _ you guys coming back when again?  _

She was lucky. Peridot replied five minutes later.

_ Coming now.  _ Already uncharacteristic — a fragmented sentence. Then, simply,  _ I fucked up. _

And she knew something was really wrong.

Twenty minutes later, the Yellowtails’ minivan pulled into the driveway, and Amethyst and Sour Cream both ran out. Vidalia was walking Peridot in, her hand on the girl’s shoulder. When Peridot saw Amethyst standing in the garage door, she didn’t reach for a hug like usual. Just stared, looking lost and small, hugging her laptop to her chest. 

“Sour Cream, take Peri’s stuff inside,” Vidalia said quietly. Sour Cream, his eyes also wide, nodded and took Peridot’s stuff. She looked at the ground. 

“What — ”

Amethyst only got out so much before Peridot replied dully, “I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Amethyst,” said Vidalia, trying to be gentle, “this might not be the best time. Peridot’s had a really long day, maybe you should go home…”

“I don’t want to,” she responded. “Not until I know that she’s okay.”

“Oh, well, I’m doing WONDERFUL,” Peridot snapped. 

Amethyst inhaled sharply. Suddenly, she didn’t understand. Whenever Amethyst was down, Peridot would listen while she talked and Amethyst would spill and it would feel better. And she thought it went the other way too. Just not now. 

And now Peridot was hurt and it was all Amethyst’s fault.

“Okay,” she said, swallowing the lump in her throat. “I understand. I’m sorry. I hope you feel better soon.”

And Amethyst left without a word.

.

By the time she got home, there was a text from Peridot.

_ I’m sorry I yelled at you. I lost my head; I’ve been doing that a lot lately. It’s fine if you’re mad at me.  _

Amethyst was standing in the kitchen as she read this, as Pearl cleaned up the dishes from a stone-cold dinner. Malachite and Alexandrite were in the foyer, conversing tersely but likely not fighting, with Lapis watching over them. Garnet was sitting on the floor, absentmindedly petting Ocean and Biggs. 

“Where have you been all day?” asked Pearl. Amethyst didn’t respond. 

_ im not mad,  _ she typed back to Peridot.  _ i just needed to know if you were ok. _

After a hesitation she typed,  _ are you ok? _

No immediate response. Sighing, Amethyst kicked her sandals into the shoe rack and hung her keys on the key rack. Garnet glanced up, over her shades. 

“I don’t suppose you’re going out again,” she said dryly. What a jokester. Amethyst smiled halfheartedly, and was going to generate a smart response until her phone vibrated. Peridot’s reply. 

_ Yeah. I talked it through with Vidalia. I don’t think I can talk about it any more. But...I want you over. If that’s okay. _

_ overnight?  _ Amethyst asked. The response was immediate. She grinned. 

“I guess I am,” she told Garnet and Pearl, and bounded upstairs to get her overnight bag. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- peri's douchebag sperm donor will never appear again in this story. which is good, because i hate writing him about as much as peri hates being around him. this really was hard to write but with how Other Spoiler Things play out and also how the foster care system works and how permanent separation really is a last measure, i knew peridot probably had an awful background somewhere and something like that is too important in a person's life to just say it didn't exist. if i did anything wrong i am really sorry and will fix it upon request and suggestion.  
> \- the ending is on an upnote because i needed it to have one ok. this chapter was hard enough to write as it was, i needed respite and i think you did too  
> \- MANY THINGS ARE STILL LOOSE THREADS TAKE ANYTHING FROM HERE ON OUT WITH A GRAIN OF SALT  
> \- i have gotta get a planner or at least some notes because this shit's lookin like cat's cradle with How Many Things Are Wrong With This Picture And What Will Have Repercussions  
> \- or i can just make like an amateur chemist and mix all this shit together with only the vaguest idea of whats gonna happen at the outset. and whatever happens in chapters 8/9, well, it'll happen.  
> \- please comment i am low on inspo food


	28. Starboy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> \- Starboy — the Weeknd feat. Daft Punk -
> 
> "Switch up my style, I take any lane  
> I switch up my cup, I kill any pain  
> Look what you've done — I'm a motherfuckin' starboy"

By the time school started again, the story was out and there was no news from the university.

Or at least, there was as much of the story out as Peridot would leak to Amethyst. From what Amethyst could understand, she had come from an abusive home where her mom was a no-show addict and her dad forced Peridot to build computers so he could get paid more. ( _Like, holy shit,_ had been Amethyst’s reaction, because she knew Peridot was taken from them when she was five, so she must’ve been even younger when she learned how to program and build tech. What kinda genius was she dating?) But in a stroke of bad luck, Peridot’s dickhat of a biological father had been at the review meeting, and cornered Peridot in a closet in order to manipulate her. As a result, she broke his nose. Dr. Sun was then taken to the hospital and authorities were called.

Then Peridot even amazed Amethyst — she went to court.

It wasn’t actually that scary, which surprised both of them, because Peridot’s case manager handled most of it. The scary part was when her case manager actually showed up. Mrs. Bedford was, upon first appearances, not a very scary person. She was black and always wore her curly, greying hair in a perfectly spherical bun. She had a cute little smile always painted over with plum-colored lipstick. She treated Peridot with respect and called Vidalia “Mrs. Yellowtail”.

But she was _tall_ — and neither Amethyst nor Peridot had had good experiences with tall people. And she was always, always taking notes. She also held Peridot’s future in her hands.

She happened to come over for the first time when Amethyst was over too, on the morning after the university incident. Peridot had forgotten when Mrs. Bedford was coming, so there wasn’t any time for Amethyst to leave, but even while she was in her pajama shorts and Marina and the Diamonds t-shirt, Mrs. Bedford greeted Amethyst and shook her hand respectfully. She herself wasn’t bad. And she congratulated Amethyst on their relationship — apparently, Amethyst was a hot topic during check-in sessions, and Mrs. Bedford was grateful to her for making Peridot “feel accepted and comfortable” during such a difficult time in her life. Amethyst chose not to mention that she caused most of those difficulties.

Then she pulled out the legal things and the meet-n-greet went downhill.

It turned out that there were laws protecting Peridot from her biological father (Peridot had started flat-out referring to him as the sperm donor, which Amethyst laughed at) after his rights were dropped, and pressing charges against Peridot would be contrary to them. She had a right to defend herself. Dr. Sun did want compensation for his broken nose, and that would be taken care of by the state, but it would be taken out of Peridot’s reimbursement budget (the payment by the state for things like clothing and education). Which meant that either Peridot needed to get a job to make up for it or that Vidalia was going to have to pay out of pocket for Peridot’s luxuries.

“I already have a job,” Peridot pointed out. “I’m GeekSquad.”

At client request, she had kept her small business going. It was mostly because of the wealthy Talwars, who paid her thirty dollars an hour in order to fix Obsidian’s videogames and also help Dr. Talwar, who was uninformed that there were not, in fact, thousands of flirty Russian women in his area. Good money, to say the least. And it would pay off.

So the plan was settled and it was established that Peridot was to go to court in three days. Amethyst wanted to go for emotional support, but was working that morning, and they planned to meet afterwards for cuddles and coffee.

And surprisingly enough, when they did, Peridot had nothing to say.

“We just talked, that’s all,” she said, sipping from her iced mocha. They were at Shawn’s, a local café that Amethyst only knew because they supported the high school art department and featured student art in their eating area. A print of Peridot’s portrait actually hung right over Peridot’s shoulder, which was kind of silly. But besides the point.

“So you went to _court,_ with an actual judge and lawyers and — and a jury and cops and your douchebag sperm donor and everything,” said Amethyst, “and you just _talked?”_

“Of course there were an actual judge and lawyers,” Peridot shrugged. “But it was at a local juvenile court. There’s a difference. I hardly saw my biological father. We sat on opposite sides of the courtroom and he refused to talk because his nose had tissues stuffed up it, so his lawyer spoke for him. And I’m a minor, so my lawyer and Mrs. Bedford spoke for me. The case was pretty clear cut; Mrs. Bedford made sure of that. It was just for negotiating my insurance and reimbursement cuts. It wasn’t like Judge Judy _,_ if that’s what you’re thinking.”

“Dude.” Amethyst let out a breath and leaned back in her chair. “That’s still pretty raw. You know how cool that is? Going to court ‘cause you broke your dad’s nose? You know how much rep that’d get you in the bad kid circles?”

“Well, excuse me that I’m not concerned with your ‘bad kid circles’.” She used finger quotes, a habit she’d picked up a lot lately. “It wasn’t exactly high drama.”

“But it’s still raw.”

“Perhaps.”

“Still don’t understand why all the blame’s on you, though. Like, what the hell. He locked you in a closet.”

“Not _all_ the blame’s on me. In hindsight, I can understand the logic. Breaking his nose was kinda overkill. I could have kicked him and had similar results.”

“Yeah. Kick ‘im with your metal foot. Wouldn’t it break, though?”

“This thing? No way. It’s pretty much indestructible. Onion dropped a sledgehammer on it once and I didn’t even have to get it checked out.”

“What is wrong with that kid?”

“If you’re asking for technicalities, he’s autistic, like me, and has a LOT of difficulty understanding what’s appropriate to a situation. His violence comes from a very specific set of stimming techniques that involve wanting to see things in different forms. Like those paint mixing videos, but with solid objects and fire.”

“Oh.”

Amethyst finished off her egg, cheese, and bacon sandwich in a bite and asked,

“Did you hear back from the uni? ‘Bout your project?”

“No. They’re still figuring out what to do with my dad. He was going to manage any research I did. But this news is already out, they’ve already gotten calls from students and parents saying that they don’t want a professor with a bad rap sheet. They can’t keep him. But he was the only one with schedule space. So my project’s on hold until they can find someone else who knows how this stuff works. Of course…Albus knows more than my dad, but he’s not licensed. Can’t work in the uni labs.”

Amethyst licked her fingers. “So? Go underground. _Breaking Bad_ style.”

Peridot gave her a look. “I’m not making meth.”

“Pity.”

The conversation, as theirs tended to do, bunnytrailed from there. Again, they avoided Rosewood Manor (nothing with the Lazulis, but Pearl had started getting on Amethyst’s nerves about school supplies). Instead, they swung by Stevonnie’s, Sadie’s, and Lars’ places and wasted hours at the local arcade, meaning they watched everyone lose horrifically to Peridot.

The little felon went back to court twice -- again, not for anything hard, mostly insurance purposes, but they took to pretending that it had been awful and unfair so as to give Amethyst a reasonable excuse to sweep Peridot up in her arms and sing, “Oh, my poor Peridot!” before smothering her in kisses. Like roleplay, but with queerplatonic cuddling.

Not only were the post-court cuddle sessions fun, but for Amethyst, they highlighted a new development in their relationship. She wasn’t sure if it was good or bad, so she tried not to dwell on it too much, but nevertheless it was there. The roleplays had become the only time they went “full out”. It used to be that all their kisses were that dramatic, every time was the right time to let Peridot probe her mouth with her tongue and play with Amethyst’s piercing. It wasn’t like that anymore. Their kisses were, more often than not, soft pecks on the cheek as one went a different direction, thoughtless, idle things that hardly inspired the same rush of adrenaline anymore. But they happened more often, and that was what set it apart.

It was a new kind of intimacy, Amethyst realized. She didn’t know how to describe it. She wondered if Peridot felt it too. She wondered if she liked it.

And so Amethyst spent her summer -- thinking.

.

School returned like always, in a mudslide kind of way. Amethyst was a senior and Peridot a junior. For the first time in her life, Peridot was taking an art class, which was cool because Amethyst had AP Art in the same room and also during first hour. It turned out to be the only class they had together, as Peridot was in all gifted or AP classes, including AP Biology.

Amethyst, instead, had seventh hour chemistry...which took only one class period to figure out that it was gonna be good. The teacher was another uptight dickhat named Holly Bleu-Agate who made it clear that she wished corporal punishment was still legal in schools, and who nearly turned purple because of a girl named Carnelian who accidentally set her syllabus on fire. She wasn’t fun. No, it was Carnelian, her girlfriend “Skinny” Jasper, and the eight other Amethysts.

That’s right, eight. Amethyst had always known that her name was popular, but this was a new occurrence. Due to a freak scheduling error, all eight kids named Amethyst had been counted as only one person and entered in all at once. And better yet, there seemed to be no intention of changing it as the only negative effects were Miss Bleu-Agate’s frustration, “Chip” Amethyst having six study halls, and all the Amethysts getting to share one desk until the seating chart was fixed.

On the first day, the nine Amethysts, Skinny, and Carnelian alike made it their personal service to the community to drive Holly Bleu up the wall.

The rest of her classmates were normal.

But like every year, it didn’t take long for Amethyst to realize she would need help. So, naturally, she turned to Peridot. Their first study session was to be the next Tuesday. All was well and all were settled.

Until they got back to Rosewood and Amethyst realized it wouldn’t be so simple.

The kitchen table was occupied by Lapis Lazuli, Alexandrite, and Malachite. Lapis and Alexandrite were speaking calmly and Malachite was glaring at nothing in particular. _Great._

Two months into rehab, it was pretty clear how much progress (?) Malachite had made. She’d lost the forced, tacky goth punk look — maybe because her goth punk friend group was mostly in jail — trading it for misfitting clothes in strange solid colors, seemingly straight from Alexandrite’s wardrobe. Her wild hair was freshly bleached, but nicer done now. Looked like Sapphire’s work, she was so good with hair coloring.

Still. A Malachite was a Malachite. Which meant a bitch.

“What’s this? Where’s Pearl?” asked Amethyst. She already knew Garnet was working and Steven was at Connie’s house.

“Pearl’s running errands.” Lapis set down her glass of iced tea _._ “But I’m glad you’re both here. We wanted to talk to you girls about something. Mostly you, Peridot.”

Peridot’s mouth opened and she sat down across from Lapis. Amethyst was left to sit across from Alexandrite — closest to Malachite, who met Amethyst’s eyes but blinked first and jerked away. _Yeah, that’s right,_ Amethyst wanted to say. _Feel guilty. You know what you did, asshole._

“So,” Peridot said, as if to ask a question. “Ahem.”

Lapis gave Peridot a small smile, then folded her hands in front of her. She sighed, long and slow. “Well...I suppose you could say…”

“I’m a hopeless cause and I need school help,” Malachite deadpanned.

There was silence.

“That’s one way to put it,” said Lapis weakly. “Because of her...absence...for a whole semester, Malachite has fallen behind. Some of her teachers have been able to schedule intervention, but not Miss Diamond. Since...she doesn’t work for the school anymore. Mr. Albus suggested I find a chemistry tutor and named you, Peridot.”

Peridot’s eyes were like a deer in the headlights. Then she gave a pressed laugh. “Mrs. Lazuli, I’m very flattered,” she replied, fiddling with the bracelet on her wrist, “But, as I’m sure you know, I’m already tutoring Amethyst.”

 _And Malachite drugged me and almost got me raped, so I wouldn’t be super thrilled to be in the same room as her, so we can’t exactly share a tutor,_ Amethyst thought, but didn’t say.

Then Alexandrite put in, “You could tutor both of them at the same time.”

 _Goddammit,_ Amethyst thought.

“No offense, Mrs. Lazuli,” she said, purposefully avoiding Malachite’s eyes, “but that’s not gonna work. It just won’t. Again, no offense, but I don’t think I’d feel safe in the same room as Mal without someone else here. Peridot doesn’t count.”

Peridot looked hurt. “Hey.”

“It would _have_ to be at the same time, unless, Amethyst, you found a different day,” Alexandrite said. “My classes run from two to eight on Tuesday and Thursday and Malachite can’t be at my house alone.”

“Yeah. Because I’m three years old,” Malachite muttered.

“Sometimes you convince me.”

Normally, Amethyst would respond to the clapback with a resounding _OOOHHHHH._ But this bad news was too bad. She couldn’t just share Peridot with _Malachite,_ of all people. She didn’t want anything to do with Malachite, never mind sit in a room and LEARN with her until eight o’clock every Tuesday and Thursday! No. No, that wouldn’t happen.

“Nope,” Amethyst said stoutly. “Can’t. Won’t.”

Lapis sighed. “Listen, Amethyst. I know how you feel about my daughter. But she’s been making progress, and she’s told me that she’s willing to start over. Just give her a chance.”

A radically different message than what Amethyst had heard the few days after the party, when Lapis and Jasper had visited the hospital room. She wasn’t supposed to have to _give Malachite a chance._ “But Jasper said — ”

“I don’t care what Jasper said,” Lapis cut in. “She doesn’t know Malachite like I do. She wants her to be sent away, to — to some prison. But she doesn’t know what she’s talking about. Mal doesn’t deserve that.”

Lapis kept talking, peppering the pleas with “You can help her” and other sniveling things, but Amethyst had tuned out long ago. It was official, Amethyst was on Jasper’s side for this. Malachite DID deserve to be locked up. And Lapis couldn’t see it, because she was always too busy blaming Jasper for everything. Manipulating Jasper. Just like Amethyst had been manipulated. And Amethyst couldn’t support that. She wouldn’t.

Then a familiar hand rested on her arm. Peridot was watching her expectantly, eyes wide. “Amethyst,” she said softly, “she’s right. She needs my help.”

Amethyst was speechless. If anyone, she’d expected Peridot to be on her side. Didn’t she know? How much Malachite had helped with all of...that? She thought she’d told her — well, Amethyst couldn’t remember what she’d said when calling Peridot... _that_ night. But hadn’t Peridot been the one against Malachite originally? Hadn’t she warned Amethyst about going to that party? Hadn’t _she_ been the one to say “don’t trust her again so fast”?

Passing an extra warning glare to Malachite, Amethyst told Alexandrite and Lapis, “Give us a second” before pulling Peridot out of the kitchen and into the dining room, where Biggs and Ocean were curled in their dog beds. They looked up when the girls came in and Amethyst saw Peridot watching them as if afraid, but pulled her around to face her instead.

“What are you _thinking?”_ she hissed. “Do you know how _crazy_ Mal is? She’s unstable, she knows more drug dealers than — than you could count on your hands, all she knows is violence, you don’t wanna get involved with her!”

Peridot pushed Amethyst’s hands off her shoulders and folded her arms. “As if I have no experience with drug addicts and would-be dropouts. Look. Lazuli’s asking me _nicely._ What do I say, ‘I can’t help your daughter graduate high school because my girlfriend still hates her’?”

“ _Yes!”_ Amethyst blinked rapidly. God, she couldn’t cry. She was over this. “Don’t you remember? She _drugged_ me and kept me in a bathroom so Sugilite c — could have her way with me later, she’s just as bad! She tried to hit Jasper and Jasper was trying to help her!”

Peridot's eyes widened, but then her jaw tightened. “This isn’t about Jasper.”

“This is _everything_ about Jasper! I don’t trust Malachite or — or Lapis. All Lapis does is insult Jasper. And — Malachite DOES deserve to be in prison, not get a free pass out of high school. Jasper’s _right._ Open your eyes, for fuck’s sake!”

“No, _you_ open your eyes,” Peridot spat back. Amethyst hadn’t even known how close she was to yelling until Peridot countered it. “If Jasper’s right, then so was my dad.”

“What?”

“You heard me. I’m certain I know more about dysfunctional families than you do, and you’re defending the wrong person. Malachite has never acted out of her own volition, and that’s why she’s unstable, because she’s a product of two people that use her as a tug-of-war rope — and one of them’s a selfish, abusive brute. That’s why Malachite fell apart when she ran away. She needs to be with someone to grow. She’s like me. And damn it if I don’t try to help her.”

Again, Amethyst was speechless. She couldn’t believe what she was hearing. And she couldn’t understand it either. Peridot was nothing like Malachite, they didn’t even exist on the same plane of morality — not to mention that Jasper was the furthest thing from selfish! Any time Amethyst was home, Jasper was walking her dogs or out looking for a new job. Lapis just sat on her ass and cried about how unfair Jasper treated her and Malachite, then came pining back to Jasper for sex and comfort she didn’t deserve. She never made a move to help anyone but herself. Half of this yelling about helping Malachite seemed like just another “fuck you” to Jasper. And Amethyst couldn’t let Peridot be blinded by that.

“Peridot, I live with them. You don’t know _shit.”_

“Hah! You don’t even know what _I’ve_ gone through!” Peridot threw her hands in the air and clenched them into fists. “You know what? Fine! Stop coming to me for help, you’ve got a million other friends anyway! I can help who I want, and you don’t have to keep shoving _Jasper_ in between us — ”

“Who’s shoving me?”

Both girls froze. Amethyst didn’t even have to turn around to know that they were screwed. Behind them, standing with her arms folded and two dog leashes in her hands, and overall not looking very happy, was Jasper herself.

“No one!” Peridot yelped. She shrank behind Amethyst, but didn’t hold onto her arm like she always did. Just stared frightened but defiant up at Jasper, tiny hands in fists.

Jasper raised an eyebrow. “Really.”

“Yes, _really,_ ” replied Peridot. “Everything’s fine. I was just leaving to go tutor your daughter.”

A pause. Jasper’s eyes widened, and she almost imperceptibly pressed her lips together, and then she shrugged and said “Okay. Amethyst, can you help me walk them?”

Even before Amethyst said yes, Jasper tossed her Biggs’s leash and began to suit up Ocean. Excited at the sight of the leash, Biggs ran over to Amethyst and sat down, tail wagging. Peridot took a step back. It dawned on Amethyst exactly how hard it was to be mad with Jasper watching and the friendly Biggs waiting, and with Peridot still cowering behind her. She didn’t know what to say anymore, what to do, all her arguments had fizzled out and now she just felt lost. And dare say it, but she realized she felt awful for yelling at Peridot, not sitting down and talking through it like she normally would, but…but Peridot just didn’t understand and…god. It was so confusing. She just couldn’t take it.

She needed a walk.

“Right behind you,” she told Jasper, and bent down to clip Biggs’s collar. When she stood up again with the dog, she turned to say something to Peridot, but the girl was already gone. The only sign of her was a receding _step, clank, step, clank_ as she stormed away.

As they left via the front door, Jasper asked, “What did you two even talk about?”

“That’s a loaded question,” replied Amethyst.

“I’m sure it is.”

Her tone said that she already knew.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> LONG A/N, MUCH IMPORTANT
> 
> ok i have no excuse for the chapter song other than i couldn't find another one in time and, like a couple million other people, im kinda addicted to it. think of it as a malachite song idfk
> 
> anyway this chapter doesn't make much sense but thats kinda how family feuds go — things are very tangled and amethyst doesn't really understand the jasper-lapis-malachite situation but peridot doesn't either, if that wasn't obvious. will it be cleared up? maybe. is it important for it to be cleared up? not to the immediate plot but i know i have to give closure somewhere because that's just the kind of person i am
> 
> peridot's full perspective on this will be revealed next chapter and hopefully make some more sense. but long story short, she DOES in fact empathize with malachite. now is that empathy founded upon stable evidence, that's the real question. 
> 
> ONE THING THAT I DID ANSWER FOR THE TUMBLR PEOPLE, HOWEVER: peridot did NOT know that malachite was directly responsible for amethyst getting drugged. all she's seen of malachite after the party has portrayed mal as a victim of a bad situation. and having been just in a terrible situation herself, peri's a lot more vulnerable to misinterpretations. 
> 
> anyway this early update means no chapter until february 3rd at the latest because i'm going to be on a tech-free church retreat this upcoming weekend, though i do plan to stick with fridays i quite like the ring of petri dish fridays. no clue about the update schedule then on out except that  
> a.) you're gonna wanna hold on tight  
> b.) tech week is the week of the 10th (yikes) and  
> c.) i am CONSIDERING a petri dish animatic to be released at the same time as the epilogue, so i might like a bit more spacing. 
> 
> this A/N is almost longer than the chapter just take it


	29. Wolf in Sheep's Clothing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> \- Wolf in Sheep's Clothing — Set It Off -
> 
> "Aware, aware, you stalk your prey  
> With criminal mentality  
> You sink your teeth into the people you depend on  
> Infecting everyone, you're quite the problem"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IMPORTANT PLEASE READ THIS
> 
> in classic petri dish style, this is long as shit and like half blocks of narrative text. not really sorry, it spans like 6 months (for the first time im actually writing in the future — anyone notice that events correlate with IRL dates? totally serious i have a calendar going from wednesday august 26, 2015 to where this chapter ends, tuesday february 14, 2017. i take dates real seriously lmao)
> 
> VERY IMPORTANT: this is where we get hypothetical yeeee. as a lot of you know, the jaspis relationship in petri dish is like 90% hypothetical. meaning OOC, if you’re looking at their canon personalities.  
> So these are very different lapis and jasper than the one we saw in canon. Think if steven never found lapis in chille tid, if she was left to chain jasper down and keep malachite together by pure hatred. Maybe if they were never found. After a while, i imagine, lapis would lose sight of who she was, and she and jasper would fall into a cycle of abuse. By that point, even if steven reached out to her, she might not feel the guilt that we see in Alone at Sea. And then, hypothetically, if suddenly someone was to reach out to Jasper instead, and the Alone at Sea confrontation was not about getting back together, but breaking away. 
> 
> Anyway time for things to go to shit, happy valentines day enjoy
> 
> (or don’t)

It started to happen again. Neither of them would talk about it.

After being caught by Jasper, Peridot had stormed off to the kitchen and accepted the offer from Lapis. She would meet with Malachite at Rosewood every Tuesday and Thursday for tutoring and reteaching of whatever needed it. Regardless of what needed help, Malachite would stay until eight o’clock, when Alexandrite came to pick her up. To be fair, Peridot divided the session in half — Malachite-focused from four to dinner, Amethyst-focused after dinner. During the Amethyst time, Malachite could just wait or be entertained by Steven.

At least Steven was on her side, Peridot reasoned. Sometimes it was like the kid was the only shred of sanity and empathy left in that crazy house. Steven loved Lapis and Malachite and was dead set on helping them, just like Peridot was. And as young as he was, he seemed to recognize the difference between a loving mother and a selfish one. He didn’t think Malachite should be in prison. He didn’t think Lapis was lazy for recovering at home and spending time with Malachite instead of stressing about new jobs. He didn’t think Lapis or Malachite were somehow harmful to Jasper — what was even  _ with  _ that? Nothing could harm Jasper. She was just as brash and insensitive as ever.

It was all just so confusing, Peridot couldn’t even straighten out why Amethyst was fighting her about it. She’d been so mad at the time that she couldn’t remember what Amethyst had said was so bad about Malachite. Something about Sugilite. But Amethyst was over Sugilite, why couldn’t she forgive Malachite too? Yes, she was a fundamentally awful person, but that’s what the rehab programs were for! Why they were trying to help her get better! And anyway, wasn’t that what Steven always liked to say — it’s not about what someone has done, it’s about what they could do, or something sappy like that?

All the defenses ran through her head as she began to set up for Malachite’s first tutoring session — it just felt so strange to be doing it without Amethyst, without Amethyst’s awful music playing or the snippets of sound as she flicked through Snapchats, without having to lean over and flick her on the ear when she ignored a question about the homework. Instead, Malachite just sat there, looking sulky, unmoving and unenthusiastic.

Alexandrite had left and Amethyst and Jasper wouldn’t be back for at least an hour, so Lapis took to watching TV in the living room. “If you scream, I’ll hear you,” she said jokingly (?), and clapped Peridot on the shoulder. She then told Malachite, “Be good” but the girl didn’t respond. Taking a deep breath in, Peridot clicked her pen, opened her notebook, and looked across the table to Malachite.

“I guess we can begin,” she said. “Alright…to start us off, are you a visual, auditory, or kinetic learner? How do you learn?”

Malachite met her eyes. “I don’t.”

Well. “I...guess that’s not necessarily important at the moment,” said Peridot hesitantly. “Anyway. How these sessions are going to work might be a lot different than how you’ve been taught in the past. Instead, you’re going to teach me.”

No response, so Peridot continued.

“Research shows that while reading only helps you retain 10% of the material, and listening only retains 20%, reteaching the material to another person helps retain 95% of it. So that’s how I plan to have you taught. I will tell you something, then I will have you repeat it and then explain it. We will build on concepts, not just memorize facts. And to do that I’ll need at least a modicum of attention from you.”

Again, no response. Malachite was picking at her nails, making the dark green polish flake off and fall on the table. So Peridot leaned across the table and rapped her knuckles with her pen.

“Ow — ” Malachite recoiled and glared at Peridot. “What the fuck?”

“That’s for ignoring me. Keep in mind that I’m not required to be nice to you,” replied Peridot coldly. Then, she allowed her expression to soften. “But I want to be.”

She had Malachite’s attention now — how much, that was the question. She continued.

“I know you don’t want to be here. I know it might make you frustrated trying to live up to what your parents want. But I don’t want to make your parents happy. I want you to do this because it’ll make you happy.”

“Actually, school makes me hate myself,” Malachite cut in.

“And why’s that?”

Her voice dropped to a murmur. “‘Cause I’m a retard.”

She’d put her hands in her lap, so Peridot threw her pen at her. “Don’t say that word.”

“Retard.”

Okay. If she wanted to play that game, that’s how they would play. Peridot stood up and began to pack up her things. “Fine. Then I’ll just go, and I won’t tell you how to make Jasper so mad that she shits her pants.”

“Wait.”

Peridot smirked and sat back down. Just as she’d thought. “Alright, but you gotta apologize. And you can’t say the r-word again, even when I’m not around. It promotes violence against people like me and I don’t want that.”

“Sure,” Malachite gave the smallest of eye rolls. 

She wouldn’t hold up to the promise, Peridot knew, but at least she now knew how Malachite ticked. She was driven entirely by spite. Clearing her throat, Peridot steepled her fingers and then met Malachite’s gaze.

“Jasper doesn’t want you to graduate from this school, right?” she asked.

“Well,  _ duh.” _

“Don’t  _ duh.  _ That was rhetorical. Now. Imagine if somehow, even magically, you were to get all A’s and B’s this year and got accepted by a really good college. How embarrassed do you think Jasper would be when she found that she was wrong about you? You think she would be proud of herself if you waltzed up to her and shoved your diploma in her face and said ‘I didn’t need your help, I’m better than you think’?”

Malachite’s seemed to be legitimately considering it. “Probably not.”

“Okay,” said Peridot, and leaned forward. “So what do you wanna do? You want to keep failing and prove Jasper right? Or do you wanna stick it to her?”

“Stick it to her.” At the corner of her lips was the tiniest smile.

“Right. So what are you gonna do?”

“I dunno.”

“You’re gonna study.” This time, Malachite didn’t roll her eyes. Peridot leaned forward and pulled out another pen, but didn’t touch Malachite with it. She held it out and pushed a piece of blank notebook paper to the young woman. An offering.

“Now, let’s begin,” said Peridot.

.

It happened again. The Things To Do blinded her.

When looking back on it, Peridot knew why she didn’t see it coming — she was so busy juggling the other Worry-Things that she didn’t see the big one. She went with the flow. She didn’t ask questions. And because Amethyst ran through the motions too, she didn’t see it either.

Foremost in Peridot’s mind, obviously, was school. It would be the first year she took art (Lapis called it  _ meepmorp,  _ clearly the superior word), meaning no study hall. She was a junior in all AP classes, heaping the homework even higher. Being a polymath with photographic memory meant she didn’t need to study, but stress destroyed hyperfocusing and her executive dysfunction kept her up until midnight finishing work.

And on top of it all, college. More than anything, Peridot wanted to go to a good college. NIU hadn’t given her any news on her synthetic cell project, so she gradually stopped worrying about them; it was a mediocre school anyway. Peridot dreamt bigger. So she threw herself towards the library, at the ACT and SAT prep books. She took the Practice SAT (complete with the Stickman and dolphin memes) and as many attempts of the ACT as she could get. The practice paid off — when her scores came back in December, she found that she was the only student from her school to qualify for the National Merit Scholarship. Which meant a shit ton of scholarship money. She and the Yellowtails celebrated with a trip to the Adler Planetarium.

Outside of school was her weekend job, to which she had even given a brand name:  _ Wondernerd Tech Check.  _ Within weeks she had a handful of regulars, and the whole town knew about the sixteen-year-old who would do for fifty dollars what Verizon would do for five hundred. After dozens of calls and emails, she even made a website with an interactive flowchart for basic tech problems, but continued to make house calls for more specific issues. It didn’t take long at all to pay off Dr. Sun’s hospital bill. 

Then — besides piles of AP U.S. History readings, letters from colleges, and viruses on her neighbors’ computers — there was tutoring. It didn’t help that both of her students were seniors, either.

Malachite’s case was clear: she was going to college at Lapis’s request, propelled by student loans and the money Lapis had saved. That itself was cause of many a yelling match; Jasper thought Malachite would just go to college to party and skip class, and they would be better off using the college funds to buy a new apartment. Malachite, Lapis, and Peridot had a different idea.

“I’m gonna do school,” Malachite resolved one day as Lapis and Peridot helped write her (frankly quite pathetic) resume. “I wanna go into law. Suck it, Jasper.”

It was surprising how far Malachite’s spite could propel her. Peridot had played that card only to get Malachite to work with her, but Malachite had made a full 180-degree turn and for none other than pissing off her second mom. It was college or bust now. And not only in school, but she was shaping up everywhere. One day, Alexandrite dropped Malachite off and they were...talking. Just talking, laughing like friends over something Alexandrite had said.

Malachite had also been in therapy for a cigarette addiction and alcoholism, and was making wonderful progress. According to Alexandrite, she was clean for three months by December. Hadn’t even snuck out since it got cold. Sure, she was still moody as hell. Every other tutoring session ended in angry crying. But improvement was improvement. The crying-free tutor days weren’t bad.

Come to think of it...Malachite was actually kinda cool. Her drive was admirable. She felt everything so strongly, and was so empathetic — she just had trouble expressing it. Like Peridot did. Granted, it was still awkward, and Amethyst was a hot button topic that Peridot chose to never press.

But Peridot couldn’t see what Amethyst was so worried about. And so, she didn’t worry.

Amethyst had her own problems. They had apologized for arguing, and though her tutoring sessions were like a gulp of fresh water after the stifling awkwardness of Malachite’s sessions, they also got depressing fast. Amethyst had no plans. No college, no trade school, no nothing. When asked, she just said, “This old place is literally falling apart, you think we got the money for college?”

Peridot raised the point that yes, she did think so; Pearl and Garnet both had jobs, and didn’t that Rose Quartz lady leave them enough money to put Steven and Amethyst through school?

“Rose left us the money to  _ eat _ for twenty years,” Amethyst replied. “She was virtually broke by the time she got the land. And Garnet’s a firefighter and Pearl is a freelance car mechanic. We might have a big house and iPhones, but we’re not exactly rich.”

Even when posing a hypothetical, if Amethyst  _ did  _ have the money or was scholarship-eligible, she had no aspirations. She still hated school. Hated math, English, science, history, everything. She liked music and art, but lacked commitment — why waste money on an art degree if she didn’t want to do it for a living?

“I just wanna do what Vidalia did,” Amethyst said. They sat in her room on her bed, painting each other’s nails. “Like...freelance, have fun while I’m still young. Whatever happens, happens. It’s not like P and G are gonna kick me out.”

Not exactly a stable plan. At this, Peridot pursed her lips.

“You can’t count on that,” she told Amethyst. “You need to think ahead.”

Amethyst smiled as she slipped her hand under Peridot’s, keeping it stable while she brushed the neon green polish on her fingernails. “I am thinking ahead. I’m gonna have fun, and I’m gonna be with you.”

_ But you don’t know that.  _ The thought arose unbidden. It hurt. Peridot knew, she just knew, that she couldn’t stay by Rosewood, with Amethyst forever. That much was becoming painfully clear. The schools she liked were getting increasingly far away — Northwestern Illinois, Iowa State, even Notre Dame. And that was assuming she even stayed in this state after the Yellowtails…

It was an unsettling discussion, even if Amethyst hadn’t meant it to be. The future was so cloudy. Even Garnet, who seemed clairvoyant at times, wouldn’t give her much beyond “It’ll be fine.”

And that wasn’t enough.

The school year was flying by, and before Peridot knew it, she and Amethyst celebrated their first anniversary. Well, in a way. They couldn’t decide when to celebrate. Neither could remember at what time they’d woken up on that cold night, whether it had been the 12th or the 13th of November. They settled for the 12th, a Saturday, and just like they had exactly a year ago, Peridot stayed the night and the girls spent the time talking, making out, and doing strange things with food in weird areas of the house. Thankfully, Jasper and Lapis were on good terms that night, meaning Peridot and Amethyst could devour their twenty Taco Bell tacos in peace.

Then they went back to normal.

School, Malachite’s tutoring, Amethyst’s tutoring, home, sleep, school. The occasional ACT on the weekends. Still no word from NIU. Several hundred college emails to sort.

At last, 2016 died and 2017 came, and with it, the anniversary of her lost foot. This time Amethyst and Peridot both stayed at Peridot’s house. No parties, just a Mario Kart tournament with the Cool Kids, Steven, and Connie. Nothing of note happened except for, down the street, Malachite and Obsidian nearly setting a house on fire with Alexandrite’s illegal fireworks. Peridot’s seventeenth birthday came too, saluted by a chocolate cake and a new set of poofy headphones.

And Valentine’s day came.

Amethyst had taken on a new work schedule — Tuesday, Wednesday, and Saturday, eliminating the Tuesday tutor sessions. Like every Tuesday, on this one, Peridot and Amethyst parted ways at the bus stop, with a single, tender kiss pressed between them. Peridot wore Amethyst’s purple scarf. It was cold and cloudy and they held each other’s hands through their mittens.

“I get my paycheck today,” said Amethyst, their noses almost touching. “So I can get you your present.”

“Oh — no, you don’t have to do that,” Peridot replied automatically. “I didn’t get you one. Don’t spend money on me.”

“I’m not. I’m spending it on  _ us,”  _ Amethyst smirked. “We get to share it.”

“Oh. Is it an object?”

“Ehh...it’s more like a  _ place.” _

“Well, when do we go to this place?”

Amethyst laughed warmly and squeezed Peridot’s hands. “Not for a while,” she told her, “but it’s worth the wait. I gotta go now, P-Pod. I’ll give it to you tomorrow.”

“You’re being very confusing!” Peridot yelled as Amethyst walked to her car. In response, Amethyst just held up a peace sign — or, at least, Peridot thought she did. Mittens didn’t show peace signs very well. It might have been a wave.

Like many times with Amethyst, the exchange left Peridot happy and warm, even as she waited for her bus in the winter chill. She sat next to Steven on the way. She even remembered to text Malachite —  _ I won’t be there until four. I need to pick up a textbook from my house, and will be driven by my guardian Vidalia —  _ which, she thought a silly thought, was a small step for good tutoring and a giant leap for increasingly severe executive dysfunction. She walked from the bus and to her house with a spring in her step, wondering what Amethyst could have possibly gotten her.

Then she came in through the front door and heard talking in the kitchen.

That alone wouldn’t have been enough to stop her except that it was just Vidalia. And that Vidalia had said her name.

“No…no, I wouldn’t ask Peridot. She’s not even allowed to look at the family file, besides her dad she hasn’t seen any of her biological family for years. She knows about as much as you did.”

There was silence. Breathless, Peridot set down her bag as quietly as she could and sat down on the couch. She fiddled with her headphones — this didn’t seem like a conversation she should be listening in on, so if Vidalia walked in here, she could just put on her headphones and act like she had come home but couldn’t hear.

Vidalia began talking again, her voice strained. Almost sad. “I don’t know if I can really speak for her, she’s not my child. Have you tried talking with Mrs. Bedford — ”

A short pause.

“She doesn’t?”

A longer pause.

“I mean…I’ve seen her file, yeah. It’s kind of a mess…but I’m sure you know that. Lin and Chanming don’t have visiting rights to her either. If that’s what you’re worried about.”

Another short pause.

“I do, yes. But I don’t know her real well.”

A longer pause. There was a clink, like silverware against a plate.

“Absolutely. Yes, I know. All children need to have a forever home. But you know how it is…if she’s got so many infractions under her belt, it’s hard. Those have to be cleared first. And that’s not always easy.”

_ A forever home.  _ Adoption. But somehow, instead of joy, something in Peridot’s gut clenched up.

“I know you do, Silas.”

Silas?

“You also have to know that these kids don’t always take well to the idea of  _ forever home  _ — she’s been in the system almost as long as she can remember. And it’s not a nice system, either. You have to be ready to welcome her  _ unconditionally.  _ She’s gonna do a lot of weird stuff at first. She’s probably going to let you down. It’s gonna be really hard for her to make new friends too, especially at her age. But you gotta remember that they’re acting exactly how the system’s hotwired them to. Peridot was all sorts of weird when she first came to us. Still is, even. She’s a really good kid at heart, one of the sweetest I’ve ever known. She just needs a little support.”

_ New friends.  _ Oh, stars. No.

“Absolutely. And I know you can give her that support, too.”

This couldn’t be happening. Not again —

“I know so. Hey, don’t sweat it. You can always call me or Bailey, any time. I gotta go now, Peri’s gonna be home soon. Good luck with the adoption.”

Peridot found herself clenching Amethyst’s scarf so hard her knuckles were white. She was frozen. Only when Vidalia said “you too, Silas” and set down the phone did Peridot unfreeze fast enough to pull her headphones over her ears and act like she had just gotten home. When Vidalia walked into the room and noticed her, she was on her phone, pretending to play Rolling Sky. 

“Oh! Peridot, you’re home!” said Vidalia, eyes wide. The worst part of it was that she didn’t even act like she had said anything wrong. Just like she was keeping a fun little secret. “You...didn’t hear anything, did you?”

“No,” Peridot lied, not looking up again. “Just saw that you were talking and didn’t want to bother you.”

Vidalia went silent — hah, was she just  _ now  _ seeing that something was wrong? But she didn’t say anything, she just went to the coat rack to get her keys and slipped on her parka. “Okay,” she said, “I’ll be waiting in the car. Unless you needed something else, do you want a snack? Or your phone charger?”

The words fell on deaf ears. Peridot was already climbing the stairs, her back to Vidalia. 

The drive there was silent, broken only by the chords of 90’s music from the radio. Peridot pretended to be playing on her phone, but really, she was just mindlessly flipping between Tumblr, Snapchat, and the Camp Pining Hearts Amino without reading anything she saw. Adoption was here. And she couldn’t take it. She didn’t  _ want  _ it, and that’s why she was so confused. Everything was supposed to go right when she got adopted — but she looked at it now and realized it would just make it worse.

Her life was  _ perfect  _ now. She had friends, she had a social life, she had a place at school, she had a beautiful girlfriend. She had stability. For a time, she had been so invested in the world around her that she had forgotten it was temporary, and now it was going to be torn away from her again and she remembered why it hurt. It was just another reminder that her life was not her own. That Peridot was just an object without an owner, a piece of broken tech on a garage sale table. Only good to be shuffled off to places where she had no friends, to someone she had never heard of. Some Silas. 

_ She’s not my child. I don’t know her real well.  _

Not even Vidalia cared. 

Peridot tried to act normal when Vidalia dropped her off and said goodbye (like nothing was wrong! HA!) but as soon as she was inside Rosewood’s gates, she dropped the smile and staggered to the front steps. And she sat. Just stared at her hands, at the purple scarf flapping in the biting winter wind. 

What would she become?

She let herself in — people came and went so often now that they hardly ever left the front locked — and made her way to the empty kitchen. No sign of Pearl, Garnet, or Jasper. 

A note was on the countertop, from Steven:  _ To Pearl or Garnet or whoever sees this: Forgot about Connie’s play she wanted me to come see. I’m going to the middle school with the Maheswarans! Be home for dinner. :)  _

As soon as Peridot sat down, Jasper’s two ridiculous dogs lumbered up to her, but she ignored them. They didn’t leave, just sat and begged for pets. The white one had crawled under the table and nudged her prosthetic with its nose. 

“Go away,” Peridot snapped. The dog did not. 

Suddenly, Lapis walked into the kitchen, looking very un-teacher-like indeed. All she wore was yoga pants and a blue tank top with a keyhole in the back. Her blue hair looked like it had been styled by squirrels. 

“Ocean, Biggs, get out of here,” she said, and immediately the two dogs scrambled to leave. It was incredible, actually. But Lapis just headed to the fridge and pulled out a glass of what looked like iced tea. 

“You waiting for Malachite?” asked Lapis, leaning against the fridge. Peridot nodded. “Mal! Peridot’s here!”

A minute later, Malachite appeared in the doorway, clutching her green paper folder to her chest. Lapis left, sipping her drink. But Malachite still didn’t sit. 

“We, uh...we should go somewhere else,” said Mal, sounding suspicious.

“Why?” Peridot asked flatly. 

“We just have to,” Malachite snapped.

So the two girls went. 

It didn’t take long to figure out what Malachite meant. After a few minutes setting things up on the dining table, they only got ten minutes of studying done before, from the kitchen, there came the sound of the side door opening. Malachite froze, gripping her pen tight.

“Here it comes,” she whispered. Peridot was almost afraid to ask.

She heard the clink of collars as the dogs rushed to greet the person -- Jasper. Then came her signature heavy bootfalls and thuds as she set down objects and hung up her coat. And then --

“Jasper.” Lapis’s voice. Another thud.

“Shit, Lapis, you scared me -- ”

“I need to ask you something.”

Silence. Across the dining room table, Malachite was doubled over, clutching her stomach like she was going to be sick. Her eyes were wide and wet. 

“I -- if this is about me leaving this morning, I had an interview — ”

“I don’t remember you getting an interview.”

No response from Jasper. Then Lapis spoke again, both words sharp as glass:

“Who’s Iris?” 

Silence. Some shuffling. And Peridot knew.

“Friend from the army,” said Jasper hoarsely, “some private. We were in the same division, she just moved here with her sisters... ”

“Are you close?”

“We just work out together — ”

“And get coffee together, and go to dinner together, and go clubbing together. Jasper — do you think I’m  _ blind?  _ That I don’t KNOW?”

“Lapis — please — it’s not like — ”

“You’re CHEATING on me! What else is it like? How could you do this to me? WHAT WERE YOU GOING TO SAY? What did you THINK it’s like?”

Her voice wobbled. She was  _ crying... _ it hurt so much to hear Lapis cry. It didn’t even sound like her. And for a moment, that’s all Peridot could hear — Lapis’s soft, gasping sobs. Until Jasper spoke, her voice low and uncannily calm. 

“It was like I escaped.”

Malachite lifted her head, eyes wide. Her fists still rested on the table, clenched tight. 

“I’ve been seeing her for eight months now,” Jasper continued, still quiet. “She made me feel like you never did. And when I told her about you, she took me to her aunt, Ruby Corundum. Who told me what you’re doing to me.”

A silence. Another high, wet sob. Jasper’s voice tightened with every word, like a rubber band being pulled. 

“Garnet knows. She didn’t even need Iris to tell her. You — you think this place is yours and that no one can hear what you say to me, but Garnet and Amethyst both know, and you know what,  _ fuck  _ whatever Rose’s stupid kid thinks. Garnet and Amethyst talked to me too. And you know what? They told me to go. For my own good.”

“J...Jasper…”

“And it made me realize exactly how  _ awful  _ you are. Your martyr complex, your tricks, your  _ crying... _ everything you’ve done to me is so you can take your anger out on me and you know what? I’m DONE! I’m done with you digging through my stuff, you crying at me to make me feel bad for — for calling you out on shit! You’ve spent twenty years whining, telling our daughter and our friends I’m such an awful brute, I’m controlling. And I thought they were right for so long. But you know what? They’re pointing their shields the wrong way.  _ You’re  _ the one they should be afraid of.”

Lapis just gave another choked sob. Across the table, Malachite was shaking, her pale face flushed bright, angry red. Peridot could see that she wanted to spring up and run to the kitchen, but she didn’t. 

“Lapis — Lapis, for fuck’s sake, stop  _ crying!  _ I’m sick of your running away from talking to me, just — for ONE GODDAMN MINUTE, talk to me like I’m a PERSON!”

“Then s- stop yelling at me!”

“I wouldn’t have to yell if you listened when I talked to you! But you DON’T — everything that we do is because of your choices. Do I ever get a say in anything? No! Because whenever I try to do shit, you drag me back — and I can’t believe it took me twenty years to figure out that it’s fucked up.”

“Oh, now it’s my fault? It’s my fault that you slept with that girl?”

“No.  _ I  _ chose to sleep with her. But it’s the best fucking decision I’ve ever made.” 

There was silence again, harder than ever. An echoing, hard  _ clack  _ like a cup being slammed onto the countertop. Then, in quick succession: a loud slap, a gasp, and two growls.

Malachite stood up, but quick as a whip Peridot stepped out and blocked her way. In the primal, five-year-old part of her, she knew this dialogue like the back of her hand. Malachite was crying, and silently she tried to push forward again. But Peridot stayed still. Finally, trembling in rage, she stopped, covering her mouth with her hands, and leaned against the wall as the girls listened. 

The silence hurt. 

“Get those beasts away from me,” Lapis snarled. 

Jasper’s voice was back down, uncannily calm. “They’re scared. They thought you hit me,” she said. Peridot could almost  _ hear  _ the bitter grin as it pricked Jasper’s lips. “Oh wait.” 

_ What? _

“You’re not making sense! Get ahold of yourself and get those damn dogs away from me, and just  _ listen  _ to me — ”

“No.”

“Excuse me?”

“I said no. I’m done listening to you. Because everything you want is to  _ own  _ me. And I’m serious now. I wanted to tell you later and nicely, but guess you just can’t wait. I spoke with a divorce lawyer, you can have Malachite, but I get my half of our savings. And if you’ve got a problem with it, then talk to the Corundums, ‘cause they’re the ones taking me in.”

_ “Jasper — ” _

“Lapis.”

Rage met a stone wall. Jasper, this time, remained calm. With a sharp gasp, Lapis’s sobs began again. 

“I hate you,” Lapis choked. “Just get away from me.”

A pause. Then, “I’ve been trying for twenty years.”

More bootfalls. The clinking of the dogs collars. The side door opened, then closed again. Lapis was still crying. 

Peridot sat down.

Most of her life, she had felt like an invader. Her foster families were never hers to meddle in, yet she hung at the doors and eavesdropped; her problems were hers alone to deal with, yet she pushed them onto other people. But this was a whole new level of invasion. It wasn’t her house, it wasn’t even her foster family. And now she knew everything and Malachite was crying and Peridot didn’t know what to do. 

There were fast footsteps like someone running up the stairs and the two girls were left in silence.

“She hit her,” Malachite murmured, her voice almost childlike. She shook so hard that she had trouble sitting down, so Peridot stood up to help her. She bent again, this time one hand over her mouth. Her other hand took one of Peridot’s. “J- Jasper  _ hit  _ her…”

Jasper...hit Lapis? “But she didn’t,” Peridot tried feebly. “Lapis slapped Jasper, that’s why the dogs growled…”

“My mom’s not like that,” snapped Malachite. “And — and if she did, that slut deserved it. I HATE Jasper, I hate her, I HATE HER! She ruins everything! And — and Mom can’t provide for herself and me on her own. Maybe herself but not me.”

Peridot didn’t know how to respond. Whenever Malachite got like this, she found that the best thing to do was let her cry, not get mad, just wait until it was over. It had never happened while Peridot was upset too. She didn’t have rights to talk about this. If she tried she’d just end up spilling herself. She couldn’t listen. She had to go. Things started leaking back, things she’d tried so hard to forget, things that were Families Two and Three and  _ Zero. _ But Malachite’s bony hand was still clamped around hers like a lifeline.

“I wish they’d just left me in that hot car,” Malachite whispered. Peridot inhaled sharply.

“What?” 

The older girl didn’t respond.  _ Shit. _

“Sorry,” said Peridot. “I shouldn’t have asked.”

“They adopted me,” Malachite sniffled. 

Any other time, Peridot might have made a snide remark about Malachite being the only white person in her family. Now she just said, “Oh.”

“My real mom left me in a car and — and they broke the windows to get me out. But when Lapis wanted to adopt me, Jasper just  _ left.  _ Like shooting people in the head was better than having to deal with me. And all I did to Mom was make her sad. ‘Cause I fuck up so much. An’ when Jasper came back and she didn’t wanna stay with me, she couldn’t even go, ‘cause I’m just so expensive. And now Mom has to deal with this shit. If I hadn’t been here she might be with someone better. Someone who doesn’t cheat on her.”

“But that isn’t your fault!” Peridot burst. “Lapis and Jasper — I — agh — I don’t know what’s going on with them but it’s not you! They’re fighting because of things they did to each other, not something you did — ”

“I’m just a burden.”

The phrase was like a needle prick onto a bruise — it hurt and it bled.

_ She’s only good for money. She’s not ours forever. She’s disgraceful. She’s hopeless. She’s too much. She’s not what we expected. _

_ She’s not my child. _

A tear beaded in her eye, and partly to keep Malachite from seeing it, Peridot threw herself at the other girl and hugged her.

“You’re not a burden,” mumbled Peridot. “You’re not. Just stop.”

“I can’t,” Malachite was almost  _ whimpering  _ into Peridot’s shoulder. 

“No,” Peridot snapped. “Because you don’t belong to your parents. Stop blaming yourself for their shit. You can’t attach yourself to them, ‘cause every time you do, they’re going to turn around and leave you again. You were right, you might as well not give a fuck. Because it doesn’t matter.”

After a second of silence, Malachite pulled back. Of course, how uncharacteristic of Peridot must this sound. But it felt so good, even if her eyes prickled just saying it, she understood why Malachite could hate so strongly.

“Are you...okay?” 

It wasn’t much. It was clearly forced. But for Peridot, it was just another reminder of how awful this must be. Malachite had never thought of anyone but herself — except now, when she had the right to wallow in self pity, and she wasn’t. 

“No,” said Peridot, wiping her eyes, “but forget about it. I’m sorry.”

“Thank you.”

It was surprising, and perhaps the most stilted  _ thank you  _ Peridot had ever heard. “For staying with me,” Malachite added awkwardly. “And listening. You and Alex are the only ones who do, really.”

“That’s not true — ”

“It...kinda is.”

Malachite gave a dry, halfhearted laugh. She had taken Peridot’s hand again, even though the gesture was getting uncomfortable, and though she was still trembling.

“If there’s anything you need to tell me, I’ll listen,” Peridot told her. She looked up, her bright green eyes wide. Trusting.

“Anything,” Malachite repeated, half in a question. Peridot nodded.

“Anything.” 

They both fell silent. Suddenly, Malachite’s hand began to shake even harder, squeezing Peridot’s fingers together, and she made a noise almost like a gasp.

“You can’t tell Amethyst,” she said shortly. And that was when the warning bells started to ring.

“Tell her wh — ”

It was paralyzing. The speed with which Malachite left her seat, the tightening of the grip around her hand. The instinctive blink response that kept Peridot from seeing where she was being pulled. The slam of her back against the dining room wall. And the slice of cold against her skin — Malachite’s silver lip ring.

The worst part was that Peridot couldn’t let go. 

Both of Malachite’s hands cupped Peridot’s face now, she wasn’t holding Peridot in place, just nudged her around as her tongue pushed into Peridot’s mouth. Peridot had every opportunity to grab her by the collar and throw her down — Malachite loomed over Peridot, but she was skinny enough that Peridot could have pushed her off. But she didn’t. She couldn’t. This — whatever it was — was too much. It wasn’t like Amethyst; whenever Peridot kissed Amethyst, it was like being washed all over with peace. This was a rush of cold. Of adrenaline and noise and moans and guilt. 

And Peridot was locked in it until Malachite pulled away.

“You can’t tell Amethyst,” she repeated before leaning in again. But it was just enough time; the spell had been broken. 

Peridot pushed her. It didn’t move her so much as it stunned her, giving Peridot the time she needed to run. Breathless, she tore down the hall, grabbed her coat and shoes, and found herself outside by the garage.

A minute later, Peridot was curled up on the garage floor behind Pearl’s newest project, a black car with huge gouges down the side. She had sent a text to Vidalia —  _ please pick me up now —  _ even though the thought of talking to her made her stomach knot up. Her fingernails dug into her skin. “I didn’t fight back,” she whispered, numb. A thought replied,  _ You can’t tell Amethyst.  _ But that made her feel sick too. 

What had she done?


	30. Circuit Breaker

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> \- Circuit Breaker — Wildcat! Wildcat! -
> 
> "I left you when you said you were a traitor  
> I left you — I left you  
> But I love you, you're my circuit breaker  
> I love you — I love you
> 
> Take your heart and run  
> Take your heart and run  
> Take your heart and run
> 
> Is there anybody out there?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> first and foremost: I made a promo for this chapter on my tumblr!! go check it out ;)
> 
> https://equilateralwaffle.tumblr.com/post/158178947380/act-iii-scene-8-of-petri-dish-is-coming-friday

Peridot didn’t sleep that night.

How could she — she couldn’t just  _ tell  _ Vidalia when she asked what was wrong. Instead she wove some half-excuse about bad chicken at lunch, it absolutely did NOT have to do with being an emotional mess upon knowing that she was being adopted/taken away from the one place she had come to think of as home, it didn’t have ANYTHING to do with witnessing a divorce and domestic abuse, and it CERTAINLY wasn’t because Malachite had kissed her and Peridot, weak as she was, hadn’t said no in time.

How could you tell someone that? Answer: you couldn’t. So Peridot stayed silent.

Leaving it to fester inside her and eat at her as she lay in bed, counting the glow-in-the-dark stars on her ceiling. She already knew there were forty-seven. She’d bought them.  Would she have to take them down when she left?

_ I can’t wait to leave,  _ something dark and small said. Initially, Peridot recoiled from it...but now that it was out there, it did have some appeal. If she was adopted soon, she’d also have to leave soon. She wouldn’t have to see anyone in this town ever again. She wouldn’t have to face her problems! That’d be nice. Well, not really, but desperate times called for desperate measures. And shame counted as desperation. Except for the fact that she had school tomorrow…

_ Play hooky,  _ the bad kid voice said again. But that was an even worse idea. She had a debate to give in AP U.S. History and a Mandarin essay due Thursday. No. School would go on, she reasoned, she’d just have to be careful.

_ About avoiding Amethyst. _

Just thinking about her made Peridot’s stomach churn more. And for once she didn’t want to think ahead, to try and predict what she’d say if she knew. None seemed good to consider. At the very least — not thinking about words, mind her — she would be sad. And that hurt too much. She’d wanna know why. But Peridot didn’t know the answer to that either; one second, she’d been comforting Malachite, the next, Malachite had her against the wall. She hadn’t  _ wanted  _ it, so why did it happen? What had she said? Whose fault was it?

_ And if I’m as innocent as I want to be, why do I still feel like shit?  _

She didn’t remember falling asleep but after a very long, very hard time recounting the green stars, her phone alarm buzzed. Filled with heavy, cold dread, Peridot slogged through her morning routine and met the bus — Steven wasn’t on, thank goodness, he wouldn’t interfere. Once at school, she avoided the cafeteria, where she had begun meeting with Amethyst before school, instead going straight to art. And instead of sitting in the front where she could see through the door into the adjacent artroom, Peridot tucked herself into the table behind the modeling dolls.

Then she had to change her hallway schedule, too — she knew she passed Amethyst in the halls after second hour, fourth hour, and seventh hour. Meaning different routes for all those classes.  _ It’s just for today,  _ Peridot told herself, hobbling as fast as her metal leg would allow her to.  _ I need time to let my emotions cool down. By tomorrow, I’ll feel better, and we’ll never have to talk about this ever. My relationship with Amethyst is going to be fine. _

Then, after sixth hour, she heard the death call:

_ “Perrrrryyyyyyy!” _

and Peridot was only able to whirl around in fear before a purple-and-glitter missile collided with her and took her in a hug.

“Hey Peri!” Amethyst grinned, and with her arm around Peridot’s shoulders fell in step with her. “I got off early and drove home real fast to catch you, but it was just Mal. Said you weren’t feeling good. Are you okay? Did something happen? Jasper and Lapis had the biggest fallout, was it that? I tried texting you but you didn’t answer…”

(Peridot knew about the texts. She hadn’t even opened them.)

“I, uh, I ate something bad,” she replied weakly. “I’m...uh…I’m gonna be late.”

_ Real smooth, _ her brain scolded as her feet tried to speed up. Then a hand rested on her shoulder and stopped her in her tracks.

“Per, the first bell just rang, you’ve got five minutes,” Amethyst said. “I just wanna talk with you, that’s all. I’ve got your presen — ”

“Amethyst, I said I have to  _ go _ !”

It came out hard and fast and with a slap to Amethyst’s wrist — a shout and a slap that drove a spike into Peridot’s gut.

“I...Ame...I’m so sorry, I — ”

She had panicked. And she was still panicking. But she didn’t know how to say that. Because people were staring now, and Amethyst’s eyes were wide with shock, and there was no way out except away. At that moment, Peridot knew she couldn’t handle it. This sick feeling in her gut wasn’t going to go away; it was stronger than ever, so strong that she couldn’t even look her own girlfriend in the eye. She’d hurt her. And she’d just keep hurting her if she kept bottling this up, or if she let it loose, whatever she chose, it would hurt Amethyst. This couldn’t work. She couldn’t go on like this.

So Peridot ran.

She hid in a bathroom until thirty seconds before the bell rang, and then she fucked up her history debate. She knew the content better than she knew the back of her hand, but she stuttered and she babbled and she went over time and  _ she couldn’t stop thinking of Amethyst.  _ The teacher even asked Peridot to sit down and take a breath before she could get to her second rebuttal. But she couldn’t do it, everyone was watching; she knew one of them had even seen how she had reacted in the hallway.

So she tripped and fumbled her way through her speeches and she sat down with red cheeks, and when the bell rang she tore out of school with shaking hands that dropped her books twice.

She couldn’t hold onto this. Not anymore.

It was time to let go.

.

Meanwhile, Amethyst was no short of absolutely baffled. It was so unlike Peridot to panic around her; she was so comfortable with Amethyst that even if something was really wrong, she’d likely end up pulling Amethyst into the bathroom and spilling her guts. Her anger wasn’t uncharacteristic — Peridot got so frustrated when she was sad. But she never took it out on Amethyst. And she never...just ran away like that.

Amethyst shook her head and tried to focus on the task at hand, three sets of bicep curls in seventh hour weight training. Obsidian was spotting her. He watched in amazement as she rolled up her sleeves, took up a pair of forty-pound free weights, and began to pump them. But even with the challenge, her mind was still on Peridot. There really was something wrong. Had she been hurt? She knew she’d been around to hear the explosions last night. Had Lapis said something to her later? That bitch, she would do that too, she’d go run and cry to Malachite and turn Peridot even more against Jasper and…

Obsidian cleared his throat. “Are you gonna do bench soon or can I go?”

Abruptly, Amethyst stopped, set down the weights, and ran her hand through her bangs. Yeah, she was getting tired. “Oh. Uh, yeah, sorry. How many reps did I do?”

“Uh...twenty-nine.”

Damn. Guess there wasn’t time for three sets then.

After weight training, Amethyst rushed to get dressed and practically sprinted out to the buses, hoping to catch Peridot again, but the girl was nowhere to be seen. So she sent a text:  _ pdot i really wanna talk to you. if theres anything wrong yuo know you can talk to me. pls be in lunchroom tmrw morning i have something for u!!! _

But there was no response. And the next morning, Amethyst waited, but Peridot didn’t show up either.

She was gone.

School ended early that Thursday; there would be no school Friday. Which was now actually really awful for Amethyst. Home kinda sucked ass. When she had come home from work on Tuesday, it was more awkward than the time in sophomore year that Amethyst had walked in on Miss Pearl standing on a chair and making out with Miss Diamond.

Except that Ruby and Sapphire had been there and Lapis was refusing to talk to Jasper but she was also refusing to let Jasper into their guest room to take out her things. And also Steven was crying because he didn’t understand why Lapis could act so horrible when she was such a nice person, and Garnet was trying to explain to him that sometimes people who used to love each other fall  _ out  _ of love and start hurting each other. And Jasper was sulking in the basement with her dogs and Amethyst sat with her on the futon and got introspective before watching Lil’ Butler.

(It had come to no surprise to her that they were actually distantly related by a series of unconventional marriages and affairs. On one side, Jasper’s stepmother was Amethyst’s grandmother. On the other side, Jasper’s mother was Rose Quartz’s mother as well. Meaning Jasper was Amethyst’s aunt on two sides.)

If anything, their relation was the only respite from the rest of the hell. Amethyst felt everything that Jasper felt because she remembered. It was, dare she say, actually NICE to have someone who understood what she’d gone through, to vent to her and have her vent right back. They even ended up complaining about Amethyst’s family (“your mother was  _ always  _ an asshole. She didn’t do shit in her life, and she didn’t even do that well,” said Jasper, to which Amethyst had laughed).

So it didn’t end on a bad note, and Wednesday morning began nicely as well. The weather was uncharacteristically warm for February and Amethyst had gotten up early so she could walk the dogs with Jasper — for the last time. She was moving out that day to live with Ruby and Sapphire before formally moving into Iris’s apartment. At last, Jasper would be free. To Amethyst, it actually felt  _ right.  _ Like justice had been served not only for Jasper, but for all sapphic girls in shit relationships.

After dogwalking, Amethyst stopped by the local coffeeshop and picked up an iced coffee before school. With her paycheck’s worth in cash in her pocket, Amethyst strode proudly to the school’s ticket office.

Just as they’d promised, the whole Famethyst was there — or at least, all the ones who cared enough about school to help out with its functions and events. Elle, Gee, and Jay were sprawled in chairs and sharing hash browns. Chip was taunting 8-Ball with a stapler. Carnelian sat on top of a file cabinet; Skinny was at the ticket desk with her combat boots up on the desk.

“ ‘Sup, Amethyst!” Amethyst hooted as she came in and banged on the bell labeled  _ Please ring for service. _

Five voices replied, “Hey, Amethyst!” right back. Grinning, Amethyst slapped her cash on the counter.

“Got the stuff?”

“Hell yeah we do! How many?” asked Skinny, swinging her legs down to reach the computer.

“Two. Me and Peridot.”

“ID numbers?”

Amethyst gave them. A minute and some yelling at Jay to fix the printer later, Skinny handed Amethyst two slips of paper.

“Here you go. Two early bird prom tickets,” she said crisply.

“You wouldn’t  _ believe  _ how many student council members we had to scare into letting us sell this early,” Carnelian grinned.

“Yeah, just one. The president,” cackled Chip across the room, punching her palm.

“An’ it didn’t even matter. I couldn’t get my paycheck ‘til last night,” Amethyst shook her head. “Whatever, I can just say belated Valentine’s day or something. I hope she’s here though. Wasn’t feeling good yesterday.”

“Well, good luck,” said Jay.

“You two are great together,” put in Gee. “She’s got a cute butt.”

“Yeah, that’s a keeper,” Elle nodded.

“Over a year and going strong,” said Amethyst proudly. “Kay, gotta go woo her now. See y’all in chem.”

The Famethyst replied in a chorus of “See you later”s and “Go get ‘er, tiger!”s. Filled with determination, Amethyst strode out of the ticket office and down to the cafeteria. Then she sat, prom tickets in her wallet. And she waited.

For someone who didn’t show up.

She had arrived at 7:55; Peridot should have been there already, but maybe she was just running late. But then it was 8:05. Then 8:10. Kids began filtering out of the cafeteria to get to class. Still no Peridot. Even when Amethyst walked in late to art and peered through the glass to the adjacent classroom, Peridot’s normal seat was empty. Didn’t see her in the halls, either. At least, not until after sixth hour, when Peridot had panicked.

Which brought her through her confusion in seventh hour and fruitless searching for Peridot after school and the half-Thursday full of more half-hearted searching for Peridot and then to her car, windows down and music blaring, but not going anywhere because she didn’t want to go home. Lapis would be there. Probably Malachite too. Everyone else was busy. Maybe she could just hang out at the Big Donut until she absolutely had to go home.

Then she looked up from her phone and the answer was right in front of her.

Peridot was climbing onto Bus 103, glancing warily over her shoulder. But as the doors closed behind her, she didn’t see Amethyst sitting in her car. Slowly, the line of yellow buses trundled away from the high school.

So, naturally, Amethyst started her car and followed Peridot’s bus.

She actually ended up right behind it, and even saw Peridot get off and start walking to Vidalia’s house. Peridot didn’t see her yet, though she might if Amethyst simply drove after her. Amethyst parked instead, waited until Peridot went inside, and then stepped out into the wind.

By the time Amethyst knocked on the door, Peridot had just thrown her stuff down by the door and collapsed into the couch. Then she heard the pounding and groaned.  _ If it’s Dr. Talwar asking for a babysitter again,  _ she grumbled under her breath as she pushed herself up…though she never finished the thought. Peridot opened the door and her heart skipped a beat.

Amethyst stood there, her hands in her pocket and black-streaked purple hair whipping in the wind. When she met Peridot’s eyes, she smiled ruefully. Peridot’s gut just knotted tighter.

“Hey,” said Amethyst simply. “I missed you.”

Of course she did. Peridot had thought as much, and it hurt so much more to hear. She just rubbed her arm.

Dozens of unspoken questions floated between them —  _ did I do something wrong, do you blame yourself for me avoiding you, are you okay, will you hate me if I tell you?  _ — and none of them felt right enough to say, because each one was an eggshell. Or a bomb. And Peridot knew that to let Amethyst ask one would be to lose control. If Amethyst asked something Peridot wasn’t ready for, everything might come spilling out.

There was only one thing Peridot could do.

She let Amethyst in and closed the door behind her, even though her hands shook so bad that she could barely turn the lock. She sat down on the couch and Amethyst sat next to her, close enough that they could reach across and hold each other’s hand, except that she held her hands in her lap. She said, “Amethyst, we need to talk.”

And she watched as Amethyst’s smile faded.

“I want to take a break,” Peridot forced out. “F — from being your girlfriend.”

She couldn’t see how Amethyst reacted because she couldn’t look her in the eye. She just stared at her prosthetic foot, pressing her toe into a screw. But she could hear all the pain she needed when Amethyst whispered, “What?”

She couldn’t stand it.

“I said I can’t do it,” she replied. “I did some thinking. And I realized that our relationship can’t last. I’m just not cut out for romantic endeavors. I never was. And I’m not in the position right now to keep this going. I’m sorry. If you want to be friends, I’m okay with that. But I don’t know if…if I can do this.”

But neither Peridot nor Amethyst knew what  _ this  _ was. Only that for Peridot, it had brought her to a point where she felt like her body was breaking down, one part a time. And for Amethyst, it felt like a nail ripping a slit in a tightened sheet.

“I — what?” Amethyst said again. “What do you mean, you’re not — cut out for a relationship? You’re the best relationship I’ve ever had!”

“I — I can’t tell you,” Peridot replied shakily. She hugged herself and her fingers dug into her skin. “Just…please don’t argue. You don’t understand.”

One thing that Peridot would learn is that saying “don’t argue” to someone who liked to argue is the fastest way to get them to argue.

“I don’t understand  _ what? _ ”

Her voice dropped, now low and sharp. The change made Peridot hesitate, but then Amethyst took it as ignoring and shot to her feet. Stance wide, on the defensive.

“Is it something I’m not  _ smart  _ enough to get?”

“That’s not what I meant!” Peridot cried. 

“Then what do you mean when you say shit like that? Whatever I do, it’s like, oh, you can’t do that Amethyst, it’s not gonna work out and you don’t see it yet! You can’t say that Amethyst, you don’t understand  _ abuse!  _ You can’t even ask why I’m  _ breaking up _ with you!”

“Get ahold of yourself, Amethyst.”

“No.” Amethyst’s fists clenched. “I can’t. Because I still fuckin’ like you. And you’re not yourself right now. You always told me that the worst thing to do is bottle bad feelings up. And you always helped me work it out because you liked me too. That’s how we started  _ dating.  _ Because you wanted to help me. So now it’s your turn, because if there’s something wrong, I wanna help you.”

“You don’t want to do that.”

“Why not?”

“I can’t tell you — ”

“Oh my god! Yeah, I know, you said that like five times! But I don’t believe it!”

“Amethyst, stop!”

“Why — why can’t you just let me do this for you?!”

“BECAUSE I CHEATED ON YOU!”

The confession dropped out, silencing both of them. Outside, the wind howled. It was too cold. 

Amethyst felt like she couldn’t breathe, but her small voice whispered, “I don’t believe you.”

It...it just didn’t sound right. It couldn’t be true. Peridot,  _ her  _ Peridot, the loyalest, kindest, most compassionate girl Amethyst knew, had cheated. It was impossible. But Peridot’s eyes were closed, her back rod straight. She wasn’t lying. 

“I kissed Malachite,” she said shortly. The words had the texture of ground glass. “I knew that if I told you just that, it would hurt you, leading to my decision to let you off quietly. But you’re hurt anyway, so it doesn’t matter. I’m sorry, Amethyst. What I did was wrong. But I can’t come back to you now.”

Amethyst tried to inhale, but it was like breathing through a pillow. “No,” she shook her head, numb, “no, no no no, Peri, it doesn’t have to be. I can — I can just forgive you for that! You just — gotta not do it again. I can pretend it never happened — ”

“But it did.” 

Peridot’s hands were folded and shaking. Oh stars, this was awful to say, but it had to be done. Or she’d convinced herself as much.

“And we can’t avoid the fact that, if we continue our relationship, it’s inevitably going to happen again. I’m leaving, Amethyst.”

_ “What?” _

“I said, I’m leaving,” Peridot repeated, harsher now. “Vidalia’s done fostering me. I’m gonna be adopted by someone who lives far away from here and then I’m going to college stars know where. I won’t be able to see you, just like I’ve never been reunited with any of my friends from past foster homes. This wasn’t meant to last forever. You knew that. Why can’t you just accept it?”

“What, and then just  _ sit  _ here and accept it when you say, ‘Hey, sorry for the bother, but I’m going to end your most meaningful relationship because I like you enough to let you down easy, but NOT enough to work around the problem. We could have a long distance relationship but I don’t want it. Sorry, no, you don’t get a chance to be offended or pity yourself.’ And then I’ll say, ‘Oh, no Peridot, that’s FINE, I understand! I’m not more valuable than  _ Malachite _ . I’ll just leave you and continue on as normal, because it’s not like half of my entire LIFE is dedicated to you now.’ Is THAT it? Is THAT how you wanted me to act?”

“Theoretically, yeah, I kind of did,” said Peridot coldly. She made an effort to unclench her teeth. “You’re being nonsensical. Like I said, this wasn’t meant to last, and thinking otherwise is idealism. It’s easier to come to terms with the end of a relationship if you never formed permanent attachment in the first place.”

“Say what you want to say, Peridot.”

“Excuse me?”

“You heard me. Quit it with the fancy words.”

“Fine.” 

Amethyst was still standing and it felt like the playing fields were uneven, so Peridot stood up, folded her arms, and met Amethyst’s eyes.

“You’re unrealistic,” Peridot said, voice rising in pitch. “This was temporary from the start. You knew I sucked at being a girlfriend. Get over it.”

“No!” Amethyst retorted. “What — you really think you can just drop me like that? You expect me not to be UPSET about this? You can’t just say shit like that!”

“If you hate it so much you can go.”

“If you hated  _ me  _ so much you would’ve said that sooner!”

“I don’t hate you — ”

“Then why do you like Malachite better?”

“Amethyst, why can’t you just leave me alone?!”

_ “Because I don’t have anyone else!” _

They both fell silent. Amethyst throat was tight and her cheeks wet. Across from her, across the abyss and the howling wind outside, Peridot’s hands shook. But she didn’t cry. Somehow, she couldn’t.

“Well, start looking,” said Peridot at last. “Because I’d hate to be stuck with me.”

It was over. Somehow, Peridot had known that it would end there. Amethyst opened her mouth, closed it, and blinked as tears traced down her face. Peridot sat back down on the couch, calm and cold. 

And she only watched as Amethyst pulled something out of her pocket, threw it on the ground, and ran out the front door. After she was gone, after a silence and a sigh, Peridot picked up the things — two prom tickets in a plastic bag, labeled with green and purple hearts. The note read  _ Happy Valentine’s Day, to my Wondernerd.  _

Peridot closed her eyes. 

It was all over. Everything had been said. Peridot had told the truth. She had laid out her reasons. But it didn’t feel better at all. It wasn’t like she had hoped it would be. 

It was pain when she breathed and it made her want to die. 

.

The violent wind blinded Amethyst as she tore out of Vidalia’s house, pulling her hair across her eyes. Once in her car, the muffled howls were even more stifling. She couldn’t think; she couldn’t breathe; her fingers and thumbs got numb as she cried. As hard as she tried, Amethyst couldn’t even process what had just happened, it was all so fast and awful and she hated this. 

It was a miracle that she didn’t have an accident or get pulled over on the way home, but honestly, fuck what the signs said. She needed to be home. But then she scraped her side mirror on the edge of the garage door as she pulled in and she had to push back the tears again. She really was a wreck. No wonder Peridot dumped her. 

And then she came inside and Malachite was in the kitchen and Amethyst lost it. 

She could never remember exactly what she said. Only that it was ugly, and it came while grabbing Malachite by her stained t-shirt and slamming her against the wall so hard that it jarred her wrist. And she kept screaming, “What did you do?  _ What the fuck did you do?!”  _ because she had asked it of herself every time Peridot turned away from her and she  _ never  _ got an answer, so it had to be someone else’s fault, right? But that didn’t make anything feel better, it just made Amethyst feel even shittier because Malachite was pathetic and so horrified that she didn’t even hit back and it was Amethyst’s fault. It really was. This was pointless.

Then Malachite began to cry: “I — I didn’t mean to hurt her— I swear — ”

Amethyst let her go and Malachite fell to her knees, rubbing her throat. “I d — didn’t mean t’do it,” she kept babbling, “I wanted her so bad but I knew I sh — shouldn’t have — I fucked her up, I’m such an asshole...”

Her gasps petered out when Amethyst stepped towards her, and she flinched. Amethyst didn’t care. She was shaking. 

“That’s what you did,” she said. “You forced yourself on Peridot.  _ You  _ made her kiss you.”

Malachite shook her head, scrambling back against the wall. “I — I did but — but it was supposed to be okay, you weren’t s’posed to know — ”

“And you were just gonna use her up and NOT expect her to be fucked up by it,” Amethyst snapped. “You know what you did? Did you know that she’d _HATE_ herself because of what you did?! What about her breaking up with me, huh? Was THAT part of your plan? To — to mark your territory and make her hate herself and make ME hate her and then have her run back to you? IS THAT IT?”

With every word, Malachite flinched further back. She was crying. But it was too late for her; Amethyst knew what she was really like. 

“She broke up with me! You get that? The best thing that ever happened to me and  _ she fucking broke up with me,  _ and it’s because of YOU! Because you turned her against me! Because you made her hate herself!”

Malachite was still frozen in horror, cowering under Amethyst. The front of Amethyst’s sweatshirt was dotted with tears and she dragged her sleeve across her eyes, then clenched her fists. 

“I should’ve seen it coming,” she spat. “You’re just like your mom, you bitch. You’re just like Sugilite.”

A silence. Their eyes met. 

Then something snapped. 

“If there’s anyone who’s just like Sugilite, it’s  _ you!” _ Malachite yelled, pushing herself up. “Because when someone dumps me, I don’t act like a — a possessive, self-righteous cunt!”

With that she shoved past Amethyst, storming out of the kitchen. Startled, Amethyst stumbled back and just barely caught herself on the countertop. Her fingertips were still numb, cold. 

For the second time that day, she ran. Steven lingered in his doorway, wide-eyed and with his hands anxiously kneading a lump of pink slime; he must’ve heard the whole thing. But even he didn’t try to stop Amethyst as she flew to her room, slammed the door, and threw herself face first onto her bed. It was dark and it was hot and she half hoped that she could stifle herself in her own pillow. She cried, and cried, and cried to the sound of the howling wind outside. 

It was never this bad. Because it was never this fucked up. She couldn’t understand anything — maybe that’s what Peridot was talking about, maybe she  _ was  _ being unreasonable for being so...so unable to let go.  _ Possessive. Self-righteous. _

_ It was all my fault, wasn’t it?  _ she thought.  _ Everything I did for Peridot, was I just trying to make her mine forever? God — maybe that’s why she feels like she can’t be with me. Because I tell her that’s all I want, just to be with her, and she doesn’t feel like she can do that.  _

_ That’s not HARD to do though! She SAID she still liked being around me; why couldn’t she just let me help her? If she had just apologized and moved on with it, we could work through this shit together, but no, she HAS to take every little problem and think it means the whole thing’s a failure! She ALWAYS does that! Why couldn’t she just listen? Is...is it me?  _

It wasn’t cold, but Amethyst realized she was shivering and curled up on her side, pulling her quilt over her shoulders. Her eyes were sore and crusty from crying. Soon, but not soon enough, she felt the pull of sleep. 

She woke up because she must have been crying in her dreams, too; her eyes were wet again and her mouth was so dry it was hard to move her tongue. The window was dark. The hallways were dark too; Steven’s and Pearl’s doors were closed and dark underneath but the crack under the guest room door glowed yellow. Lapis was up. Meaning it could be anywhere between eight p.m. and four a.m. Somewhere else in the house someone was speaking, their low voice muffled by walls and the wind outside. 

It was Garnet, at the kitchen table with her phone to her ear and a plate of Chinese takeout in front of her. Still wearing her fire department shirt, so she must have just gotten home, was probably really exhausted too. Amethyst tried not to bother her as she got a glass of water. But she should've known Garnet better, that she would see how Amethyst was still wearing street clothes and her streaky mascara all down her cheeks.  


Wordless, Garnet stood up and hugged Amethyst tight, letting her cry into her shoulder. Amethyst hadn't even felt the breakdown coming on but here it was. When she was mostly done, Garnet sat her down and heated up some more food. She remembered the routine. Amethyst always ate like crazy after breakups. Tonight (or this morning; it was 1 a.m.) Amethyst finished a week's worth of leftovers. Then Garnet took her upstairs, set up a bubble bath for her, and returned later to tuck her into bed.

"Do you want to talk about it now?" asked Garnet for the first time, kneeling at Amethyst's bedside. Amethyst did want to talk; she knew Garnet always had an answer, but her eyes were raw and Garnet needed rest. 

"I wanna cry for a year and eat ten gallons of ice cream," Amethyst replied truthfully. 

"Are you angry at her?"  


A surprising question. One that Amethyst couldn't answer. "I don't know. I...I just miss her."

"I know you do," Garnet said. "It's hard."  


"But it's never _this_ hard," Amethyst protested. "I don't understand. She said she was breaking up with me, and I'd normally be okay with it if she needed it but it just...it feels like she just hates me. It's like...like she doesn't love me anymore."

Garnet was silent, and Amethyst's face reflected in her glasses. She looked like a mess. Then Garnet leaned forward and kissed her forehead.

"Get some rest. Tomorrow we can talk."

_Tomorrow,_ Amethyst thought, but never finished. Before Garnet closed the door behind her, Amethyst was already asleep. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i am increasingly sorry for the long waits between updates, and especially for so many of you to come back in jubilation to this trainwreck. BUT, on the bright side, i got to vent my various frustrations with lauren zuke (can you catch it?) and on the other bright side, it's probably worth it that i gave myself enough time for this. this is much more delicate stuff than im used to. there's a LOT that shone out in this chapter and a lot to tie up in the next three.
> 
> yes i mentioned it a few times, and some of you might have already figured out, but this fic's got three or four more chapters left. scenes nine, ten (probably will be extra long), and eleven, then your epilogue (?). still tossing ideas around for that epilogue. but im really trying to make this the best ending that it can be, because you guys deserve it.
> 
> ALSO!!! ALONG THOSE LINES! 
> 
> i never mentioned it specifically because i was always iffy on whether or not i wanted to do it — but ive decided i will NOT be abandoning this fic after the epilogue. if there's anyone who really loves it and would like to continue this journey with me, mark your metaphorical calendars because as soon as this is done, im going to start the arduous process of making this an original, full-length, marketable young adult novel. likely i'll put it on here under Original Work, wattpad, and fictionpress (sister site to FFN). but stay tuned for more info!
> 
> thats all for now guys dont kill me in the comments. if you do garnet will have a word with you


	31. Those Nights

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> \- Those Nights — Skillet -
> 
> "Remember when we'd  
> Stay up late and we'd talk all night  
> In a dark room lit by the tv light  
> Through all the hard times in my life  
> Those nights kept me alive"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FIRST THINGS FIRST: THIS CHAPTER IS OUT OF ORDER HOLY SMOKES! amethyst’s POV comes before peridot’s POV, even though LINEARLY, peridot’s POV came first. that’s the order i wrote them in but it didn’t work as well when i switched them and made it linear. It’s not necessarily relevant but it might be confusing to some of my close readers who care about subplot so ya jsyk
> 
> ahh here i go again, referencing local places that very few people who read this fic will understand or visualize properly. I don’t really know how to describe downtown St. Charles but look it up, it’s a pretty place. nice to spend a day shopping and dining
> 
> in case anyone catches it and is wondering: yes alexandrite is muslim and yes she keeps pictures in her house. I remembered from freshman world cultures that traditional islam does not allow for humans to fabricate images of created things, so i researched the modern islamic view on family photos and house decorations. many sources said it wasnt ok to have pictures but most of those sources were very conservative, while the people that said it WAS ok to have pictures were primarily looser, more secular muslims. so i gave up around there and snapchatted my friend from saudi arabia asking if she had pictures in her house and she said her family and friends do. so ya thx tala ur a life saver
> 
> ((holy shit this chapter is 20 pages of relationship advice

Amethyst woke up on her own around six, but didn’t leave her bed. There was no use in pretending that all of yesterday were just a dream, or whatever people did when they denied shit like cowards; Amethyst didn’t do that kind of coping anymore. It just hurt more when reality came back. So she dozed off until about eleven when her bedroom door opened slowly.

“Amethyst, I know you’re up,” said Garnet’s voice.

Groaning, Amethyst rolled over, deeper into her blanket burrito. “I’m dead.”

“You’re not dead. You’re depressed.”

“Same difference.”

The curtains flew open and Amethyst involuntarily hissed. Man, not seeing natural light for twenty-odd hours really did a number on someone. Garnet sat on the edge of Amethyst’s bed, peering down into the blanket burrito.

“You can move. You just did,” she said. “Now up.”

Ugh. She couldn’t believe this. “My girlfriend just dumped me. Leave me alone.”

“Sorry. Can’t do that.”

“Can’t what? Get out of my room? Not rocket science.”

A hand rested on her shoulder. “I can’t let you sit and be miserable forever. You have to face this eventually, Amethyst.”

She was right, as much as it hurt. Slowly, Amethyst pushed the quilt off her and sat up, swearing under her breath. Garnet smiled almost imperceptibly.

“That’s more like it.”

It took a full ten minutes for Amethyst to actually climb out of bed, she was just so tired. Not physically. She just didn’t want to move anywhere. Meanwhile, Garnet went around her mess of a dresser, picking out things and shoving them into Amethyst’s backpack. She even picked a white shirt and leggings for Amethyst and threw them at her, which was helpful since Amethyst didn’t really care about clothing either. At Garnet’s request, she even did Amethyst’s hair and makeup for her (the waterproof stuff).

After grabbing sandwiches from the kitchen, Garnet took Amethyst to her car and they set off together. Garnet had her gym bag and Amethyst’s backpack in the trunk. It was only then that Amethyst thought to ask where they were going. In response, Garnet just shrugged.

“We’ll find out when we get there.”

They kept the windows rolled down and Amethyst’s music turned up. The day, quite typically in contrast to Amethyst’s mood, was warm and beautiful. Absentmindedly, Amethyst chewed on Twizzlers from the giant bag on the center console, and within a half hour she had finished the whole thing.

“You’re going to get sick,” Garnet commented. Amethyst’s response was “I already feel sick.” Garnet just shrugged again. But for once her foresight didn’t pay off. Amethyst did not get sick; in fact, fifteen minutes later, she wanted more food. Garnet just pursed her lips.

“Let’s take a walk first.”

They stopped in St. Charles, a dense riverside city with a downtown that passed right over a small dam. Because of the weather and the day off school, everyone was out and about. Kids chased each other through the town square. Pairs of women with sunglasses and shopping bags strolled between shops. Amethyst trailed sullenly to the side and a little behind Garnet, hands in her jacket pockets.

Finally, they stopped at a Starbucks and Garnet let Amethyst get a snack, though she stopped her from getting more than two things. “It’s not like I’m gonna get fatter,” Amethyst grumbled. Garnet raised her chin, but said nothing. _Don’t talk like that,_ the message read. So Amethyst settled for an iced mocha and a scone. The scone, predictably, was gone before they left the Starbucks.

“I’m still hungry,” said Amethyst pointedly. Garnet just sipped her mocha.

“When we get home and I go back to work, you can overeat to your heart’s content,” she replied. “But as long as I can stop it, you’re not doing anything self-destructive.”

“I’m just hungry. Jeez.”

“It’s binge eating. You know that.”

She did know that. But she still didn’t want to stop. She just wanted to lie in bed and sulk until she forgot about what happened.

“I won’t let you just lie in bed and sulk until you forget about what happened,” Garnet continued. “You do it after every breakup. And then you find someone else and repeat the cycle. It’s not healthy. Not for someone so young.”

Again, Garnet was right. Amethyst sighed.

“So what do you want?”

“We’re going to stop this cycle right here. For your good. Instead of letting it pass over, we’re going to talk about what went wrong and how to fix it.”

“It’s too messed up to fix.” The words came out almost on their own, bringing tears again to Amethyst’s eyes. She blinked them back. Then Garnet’s hand rested on her shoulder.

“On your own,” she finished.

They had come to the bridge, at least a block long on its own and wide enough for two lanes of traffic and a walkway. The dam was on the left — more like a little waterfall in Amethyst’s opinion, though she wasn’t exactly sure what qualified something as a dam or a manmade waterfall. It was still pretty. Most of the benches and lookout points on the bridge were taken by other people enjoying the weather, so Garnet led her down a set of stairs at the end of the bridge, to a lower outcropping of stone below the bridge and the street. They were close enough to the water that if Garnet held Amethyst by the ankles and dangled her over the edge, she could probably touch the river. The spray from the dam had made the stones wet and cold but they sat on the stairs anyway.

Amethyst picked up a rock and threw it at the dam. Garnet put her hand on her shoulder again.

“Talk to me,” said Garnet. “What are you feeling?”

A harder question than it sounded. “Tired,” was the first thing that came to mind. Then, “I guess sad. Mostly confused.”

“Can you tell me what happened?”

“That’s a lot to talk about.”

“My next shift starts Monday morning.”

Garnet sipped her coffee and waited patiently. Amethyst sighed.

“I don’t know what happened,” she admitted. “I just...on Tuesday, everything was fine. Like she was just, you know, normal Peridot. We were talking about Valentine’s day presents. And I think she felt bad because she didn’t get me one but I was buying one for her. But I told her that it was gonna be for both of us and it was fine. Then I get home after work and she’s not at our house, Malachite’s all over the place and looks really guilty. I guess I felt a little sorry for her because I tried to help her, before I found out all that shit with Lapis and Jasper. But as soon as Alex came to pick her up, she split.

“I think I tried texting Peridot too, she didn’t reply. And, like, the next morning I go and get her prom tickets and I wait in the cafeteria for her, but she doesn’t even come there. Like she was avoiding me. And then I didn’t even see her in the hallways, and then when I did, she flipped her shit and ran off. Same thing yesterday. And she didn’t even answer my texts. Like I was getting really worried then, I wondered if she might have gotten in trouble with Vidalia and was grounded or couldn’t have her phone, and was just too embarrassed to tell me or something. But then I saw her get on the bus yesterday and she was fine, so I decided to follow her and then I get to her house and she just — tells me she doesn’t wanna be my girlfriend anymore. That’s it.”

Her voice broke at the end and she shuddered to keep back the tears. Garnet waited for a second, then asked, “She didn’t say anything else?”

Amethyst shook her head, then shrugged. “I...I don’t know, it all happened so fast. I can’t remember.”

“Can you try?”

She didn’t want to. But she might as well. “I showed up at the door. And I ask what’s wrong. And she looks at me all scared and, like, I can tell she doesn’t want to talk to me, it was the same look she had when I tried asking her about her dad. Then she takes me inside and sits me down on the couch and says she wants to take a break, which I don’t know if you know, but that basically means never again. So I tried asking her why because I didn’t believe it, and she doesn’t want to tell me at first, but then she says — she says she cheated on me. With MALACHITE. And it made her feel like a bad girlfriend so she was breaking up with me. And then she said something about how she’s moving, and she never kept talking with people from her past foster families, and that she knew that I was just a temporary girlfriend all along. And then she says something like, ‘Stop being mad about this, you knew it was coming! Get over it! I know I suck at being a girlfriend, so get out!’ and so I did. I left the prom tickets with her before I went. And that’s what happened.”

It felt like it came out all in one breath and made her fatigued when she inhaled at the end. Garnet, always prepared, reached into her purse and pulled out a bottle of water. While she drank, Garnet rested her knees on her elbows and gazed out at the dam.

“What happened with Malachite?”

Ugh. Her least favorite part, though she knew Garnet would ask eventually. Amethyst wiped her mouth with her jacket sleeve.

“I don’t know,” she confessed. “I think...I just lost it. I wanted someone to blame and so I took it out on her. I hurt her, I slammed her against the wall and she didn’t even fight back. She just started crying. Then she said that she forced Peridot to kiss her and I think I said that she was — as bad as Sugilite, and then she turned it around and said I was worse because I was being possessive.”

She stopped from a pang in her chest. “I hurt her,” Amethyst murmured. “What if I am just like Sugilite? I — I mean — Peridot told me that she gets nervous around me because I’m too out of her league and I just brushed her off, and then when she said she didn't wanna be with me anymore I acted all possessive, and now she hates herself and thinks she’s a bad girlfriend, is it my fault? Like was she _scared_ of me, that I wouldn’t forgive her? I didn’t want to make her feel that way but — ”

The hysteria was beginning to build until Garnet grabbed both of her shoulders and turned her to face her.

“Amethyst. Breathe out. In...out. Nice and slow.”

She did. “I’m fine,” she tried to say, but Garnet shushed her.

“You’re not fine. That’s why we’re having this talk.”

Again, she was right. Who was Amethyst kidding, Garnet was always right about this stuff. Because if there were any two people with a crazy relationship, it was Ruby and Sapphire. Star-crossed at 17, homeless at 18, parents at 19, married at 20, entrepreneurs at 21 — those two could make it through anything. And Garnet had seen it all; she knew everything there was to know about keeping a relationship healthy and strong.

But Ruby and Sapphire, for all their differences and disagreements, had never _split._ This talk was beginning to look less and less hopeful.

Again, Garnet leaned forward on her knees and clasped her hands. “Alright,” she said. “Is that all that happened yesterday?”

Amethyst shrugged. “I...I don’t know.”

“Who do you feel is at fault here?”

“I don’t know,” Amethyst repeated, bewildered. “I want to say myself, but at first I was mad at Peridot, and then I got mad at Malachite.”

“Let’s start with Malachite. Why would you say she’s at fault?”

“Well —  why NOT, G? She forced Peri to kiss her, I...I mean, I think she did. I don’t know. I don’t remember what she said. But Peridot made it sound like she did it on her own so I feel like there’s some sort of blame deal that’s going on here…”

“She did.”

“Wh...at?”

“Malachite did force herself on Peridot, yes. I talked to her. She’s not proud of it, and fortunately she has her priorities straight; she intends to apologize, but was never sure how before. Mostly, she was scared of what you would say when you found out. She’s terrified of you, you know.”

“Not making me feel better,” Amethyst said. Garnet smiled humorlessly.

“I know, but think about it. If Malachite’s a bitch, and she’s scared of you, that makes you the anti-bitch.”

“Or an even bigger bitch.”

“If you were a bigger bitch, she would be imitating you. I don’t see that happening.”

Garnet had a point...maybe. Amethyst just folded her arms and stared at the waterfall.

“From what I understand,” Garnet continued, “at least, what I got from Malachite, is that Peridot was only ignorant. To her knowledge, she was just doing what she always does —  she tried to care for one of her friends. She was there to see Jasper leave Lapis. When Malachite broke down, I assume it was too much for Peridot _not_ to care for her. And because of Malachite’s mental state, she tried to take advantage of Peridot, even though she knew the consequences.”

“Peridot didn’t want her at all,” Amethyst murmured.

Garnet shook her head. “No. When Malachite kissed her, Peridot ran at her first opportunity.”

“So — she blamed herself for nothing?”

“Yes...and no. I feel as if there’s a lot going on in Peridot’s life, a lot that you might not see. When I spoke with Malachite, she said she felt Peridot relax for a second, only a second, and then she stiffened up again. Then she ran. I can imagine Peridot was very emotional at the time. She was faced with a difficult, unfamiliar situation. And, because she hesitated, she assumed she had given into the temptation and done wrong. Even if just for a second.”

It made sense. Too much. Amethyst had had enough shitty relationships to understand. It was so easy to blame yourself for hesitating, or freezing up, or not saying no as the alcohol set in. Especially if something was wrong, or if you felt alone…

There it was, the blame circling around again. Amethyst understood now that Malachite had been responsible for Peridot’s “cheating”, but what about the other things they’d said to each other? What about Peridot’s self-blame, where did that come from, what had Amethyst done wrong that it had to come to this? What about the fact that Peridot had told her virtually, “You’re not allowed to feel upset about me breaking up with you.” The fact that Amethyst’s response was just to push more guilt onto her? What had she said —  “you _have_ to stay with me because otherwise I’ll be lonely and depressed”? God, how manipulative was that?

“You’re thinking,” said Garnet suddenly. Amethyst turned to look at her, deadpan.

“No, I’m an empty, non-sentient husk. I don’t know what ‘thinking’ is.”

“Spill.”

Garnet was relentless. Amethyst gave up. “I know I shouldn’t blame myself for what Malachite did,” she began, “but...what Peri told me really, really hurt. And she DID have control of that. She told me she didn’t want me to be so emotional about our breakup and she just wanted me to go. Like, I understand why she did that, she NEVER wants to face it when other people get hurt by shit she does, but I was just so sick of it! She does it all the time. And I was just, like, DONE.”

She breathed in and things kept spilling.

“And then I said awful things to Peri too. Like, Malachite was right. I AM like Sugilite. I’m not even being self-deprecating about it. I told Peridot I couldn’t stand it if she left me because she’s all I have. But when I was fighting with her, all I could think about was, ‘I have to say the worst, most hurtful, most guilt-making things so I can win.’ I didn’t care about what she felt, all I wanted was her back. But — but when she actually did say, ‘No, I can’t be with you’ —  it hurt SO much, I don’t understand what’s different now! Am I just being selfish?”

Garnet listened patiently until she was done and breathing hard again, then she offered more water.

“I think there are several problems right now,” she replied. “But I’ll focus on just one now. I think — in all your romantic relationships — you hyperfixate on your partner. You depend only on them to fulfill your emotional needs, and when they let you down, you feel helpless. With Aquamarine, you were so preoccupied with supporting her that you isolated yourself from your friends. When you were dating Cobalt, you were always out with him, you never came home. When Labradorite had to move on, you were _devastated._ And at first, I was worried it would be the same with Peridot, especially with the state of your relationship with Pearl.”

“What about Pearl?”

“When you ran away.”

Oh. Right. When she’d tried to make herself forget about the fights at home by going out with Peridot, but then Peridot turned it around on her by making her resolve the home fight before they could date.

“You got better about it,” Garnet continued. “Likely, it was Peridot’s influence along with the length of your relationship. But I think — this is only my observation, so I’m sorry if I’m wrong — that as your relationship grew, you formed an ideal again. You thought that Peridot’s plans in life were always going to line up with yours, that she was always going to be there for you, that you would never have disagreements. For you, it's hard to think of your partner as an independent person, because you let yourself become so dependent on them."

She was right, but Amethyst couldn’t see what was wrong with it. “So I shouldn’t’ve thought that? What, am I supposed to EXPECT that she’s gonna stop loving me?”

Garnet pursed her lips. "No. You have to respect it if she does."

"So she did? She hates me now?"

“I wouldn’t say that."

Her cryptic answers were getting ingratiating. Amethyst picked up a stone and threw it into the dam, hard as she could. “No. You wouldn’t say anything to make poor widdle Amatista _feel bad._ ”

“I can’t speak for Peridot. And neither can you.”

“But I can speak for _ME!_ And you know what I’ve seen? That this was coming. Peridot was right, I should’ve known it wouldn’t last. Ever since the summer, it’s like we’ve been falling apart a little more every day. And now it just feels like I had this magic love potion that only lasts a year and now the magic’s all gone. It used to make me so excited to have her hold me. We NEVER got mad at each other. It was like it was impossible for us to fight. Back then, Peridot wouldn’t have even THOUGHT about breaking up with me. I actually thought I had something. But now it’s like it’s nothing. It’s just…”

She inhaled and blinked rapidly — here came the tears.

“It hurts so much. When me and my partner broke up before, like whenever we thought we didn’t love each other anymore, it was never this hard. I want Peri back. I don’t care what I have to do. I’ll do it. Whatever we had, it might’ve been weird, it might not have even felt like anything at all, but I miss her. I need her back.”

A tear fell. She hugged Garnet, and Garnet hugged her back. She smelled like mint and residual woodsmoke — likely from a housefire, but it still smelled nice.

“Do you want to hear a story?” asked Garnet suddenly.

It took Amethyst by surprise — she hadn’t heard that question in years. When she was very little, Garnet would tell her stories before bed, mostly about her mothers. They had such a fairytale history anyway — all of damsels in distress, damsels in shining armor, running away from the evil queen because love conquered all. But they had had it so easy. They knew they loved each other; that love had never died. It was the true kind. Amethyst wanted to think it was that easy again.

Silently, she nodded. Garnet shifted positions, letting Amethyst lean against her and one hand rest on Amethyst’s shoulder.

“A couple of years after I was born, Ruby and Sapphire were starting the hair salon together,” she began. “Then, they had their first fight.”

Amethyst opened her eyes, bewildered. Their...what?

Garnet continued: “It was about finances. Whether they should rent the lot or buy it with loans. Or we think it was. But it was so bad — Sapphire says I woke up crying, but Ruby was yelling so loud that neither of them could hear me. They had been married for a year and everything was coming out, every bad thing that they thought of one another. Ruby told Sapphire that she was too reticent, too shy about making bold moves for the good of the family. Sapphire told Ruby that they were impulsive and short-sighted. It was like all of the magical, binding love they had for each other was...gone.”

 _Just like my fight with Peridot,_ thought Amethyst.

“They refused to share the bed,” said Garnet, “but neither of them would step up and take it. So Sapphire dragged my crib into the living room and slept on the couch, and Ruby took all the pillows and slept in the bathtub. They were that mad with each other.”

She chuckled to herself. Any other time, Amethyst might have been amused by the mental picture, but now she just stared blankly forward. Garnet noted her lack of response and pulled Amethyst back into the half-hug.

“The next morning, it wasn’t any better,” continued Garnet. “Sapphire went out with a friend for breakfast, and Ruby called their mother. And both the friend and my grandmother told them the same thing — Ruby and Sapphire’s honeymoon phase was over.” She paused, assessed Amethyst’s face, and asked, “You know what that means?”

Amethyst shook her head.

“It’s when the ‘magic love potion’ wears off. The thrill of a kiss or a date doesn’t come anymore, and flaws that you used to overlook...they start to be intolerable. You think that any little trouble or snag is the end. And it happens to every relationship. It happened with Ruby and Sapphire, it happened to Jasper and Lapis, it happened to Rose and Greg...and it was happening with you and Peridot.”

She turned to face Amethyst and took off her mirrored sunglasses, meeting Amethyst’s eyes. “But that doesn’t mean it’s the end,” she said. “For Ruby and Sapphire, it gave them the chance they needed to be honest with each other, and build something better together. For Lapis and Jasper, it gave Jasper the first idea that something was wrong. For Greg and Rose, it allowed them to think clearly and talk about if their relationship would work. For you…”

Her eyebrows furrowing in thought, Garnet pulled back and scanned Amethyst’s face, as if looking deep inside her. Then she sat back and said, “You have several options.”

Amethyst waited but there was nothing else. “And they are?” she prompted.

Garnet shrugged. “Hell if I know.”

“Oh, that’s real helpful.”

“I don’t know Peridot like you do,” confessed Garnet. “And you don’t know Peridot like she does. Not all of my general relationship advice applies to everyone.”

Impatiently, Amethyst threw her hands in the air and cried, “Well, give it anyway! What do you want me to do?!”

“Well, you can sulk and find a new partner. You can forget that you ever knew Peridot, you can try to stop feeling this way about her, and you can move on. The easy way out. Or...you can make a choice.”

She paused, letting Amethyst get impatient again. Ugh, she was doing this on purpose, wasn’t she? Just to be dramatic and let Amethyst “think” or whatever?

“Make a choice about _what?_ Seriously, G, you can’t just pause like that — ”

“A choice,” Garnet cut in, “to fix this. I can’t say if Peridot will want to come back to you. That’s why I said I don’t know all your options. If she says no, she doesn't want to be in a relationship anymore, then that's that. Leave her be. But if she says she wants to try again, don't give up hope so soon. You can choose to love and forgive Peridot despite her flaws, despite your arguments. Because you don’t get a lasting relationship by grasping for that honeymoon phase. You get it in exactly the same way you get everything else — by working hard to build each other up, fixing things when they break, and talking it out when it gets hard.”

Amethyst couldn’t respond. It was both unpleasant to comprehend and sappy enough to make into a fortune cookie, neither of which compelled her to take it seriously. It was different and it stung. She had never thought that her easy path — the long-term one, to ride alongside Peridot through thick and thin, to become her trophy wife and live happily ever after — would be so _hard._ Like raising her grades in school. Like recovering from trauma. Like standing up to her abusers.

Like everything else Peridot had taught her. Like work, and choices, and loyalty.

Out of the corner of Amethyst’s eye, she saw Garnet slip her shades back on and lean on her knees. From out of nowhere she had pulled a hairpin with a marble-sized gold ball on the end of it, and she carefully fixed it into her afro.

“A few days after you two started dating,” Garnet began again, “I took Peridot out for coffee. She told me what you said, before your first kiss. That love wasn’t something you could define. That to have love, you needed to be able to roll with the punches. That you couldn’t just…fit your heart in a petri dish, and expect it to stay...to expect it not to grow and surprise you. Do you remember that?”

Maybe not in those exact words. But she remembered. “Yeah.”

“Keep remembering it,” said Garnet. “You know it — Peridot has something that you can’t stand to leave on a bad note. Give her some time. But when you see her again, talk. Find out what went wrong. Make things right.”

Which was where Amethyst’s determination faltered.

“What if she doesn’t want me back at all? What do I do?”

“Get to the friendzone, at least,” she replied crisply. “It’s not half as bad as you think.”

Then, enigmatic as always, she tapped the side of her nose and smiled.

“You’re going to be fine.”

.

 _Things are not — in any way, shape, or form; under any terms or conditions; and by any accounts — going to be fine,_ thought Peridot.

After Amethyst had left, Peridot had felt like she was shutting down. She collapsed onto the couch, the prom tickets falling from her limp hands, her eyes prickling but unable to cry. She didn’t fall asleep but she didn’t move either. Couldn’t. The fatigue was too much; she feared that if she did move then the slightest bump would make her fall apart.

It hurt so much to think about that after a while, she lost the will to try. And then she couldn’t feel anything at all.

Vidalia came home before it got dark, carrying Onion in one arm and her portfolio case in the other. She put both down as soon as she saw Peridot, still lying on the couch. But Peridot didn’t even want to look up at her — it just reminded her that even more change was coming.

She hated change.

Despite herself, she started to cry into Vidalia’s shoulder, she couldn’t bring herself to eat or drink when Vidalia found out she hadn’t had anything since breakfast, she found herself digging her jagged, gnawed fingernails into her palms just so she could hyperfocus on the pain. Vidalia asked if she wanted to talk and she said no. It was two hours since Amethyst had left. Three hours. Four. She refused to talk. Her eyes were sore and all she could do was sip from a bottle of water. Onion ran into the living room and whined that he was hungry; Vidalia called Sour Cream and asked him to bring home McDonald’s. Peridot stayed curled on the couch, unmoving. Staring at nothing. Feeling nothing.

And, except to get her water and a blanket, Vidalia never left.

In the beginning, as Peridot was more of a mess, Vidalia simply sat on the other end of the couch, watching her with worry painted on her face. As she calmed down, Vidalia picked up a book, and later turned on the TV to the Travel Channel. After five episodes of Bizarre Foods she finally turned off the TV.

“Peridot,” she said.

“I don’t want to talk about it,” replied Peridot, voice half muffled by the blanket. She just wanted to disappear into the soft fleece, like a caterpillar into a cocoon. Maybe she’d come out as a different, less shitty person.

Vidalia sighed. “Because you don’t want to burden us with your problems, I know,” she finished. It wasn’t exactly what Peridot would have said but it was pretty darn close. “Look. Peridot. If we didn’t care about your problems, you really think we would have taken you in?”

“Family Two didn’t care. Or Three. Five thought all my problems could be solved by a Catholic priest.”

“Two, Three, and Five didn’t deserve you.”

“I don’t deserve you.”

“ _Stop.”_ Peridot suddenly felt arms around her blanket burrito, pulling her up into a sitting position. More accurately, a leaning position, because she had no will to sit and so Vidalia just leaned Peridot against the couch cushions and her own shoulder. She began to stroke Peridot’s hair. “Don’t say stuff like that. You’re amazing. I want you here. Sour Cream and Onion love you to bits. Yellowtail would give up fishing if it meant being able to have you. Amethyst would do anything for you — ”

“I broke up with Amethyst.”

It slipped out because all of a sudden, it became easier than holding it in. Now Vidalia went quiet.

“I cheated on her,” Peridot said in the silence. It was like a weight had rolled off her shoulders, leaving her vulnerable and fatigued. “M...Malachite kissed me and I, I didn’t know how to say no, I just went with it. I hurt Amethyst. And it felt awful, I knew she wouldn’t forgive me. So I tried to let her go. But she didn’t want to; she started yelling and it was just so awful and I had to tell her to just leave. I hurt her.”

Her fingernails dug into her palms again and the three words began to loop. _I hurt her. I hurt her. I hurt her._

Until a hand rested on her shoulder again, and Peridot met Vidalia’s eyes. They were like steel.

“What did Malachite do?” she asked.

.

They had to wait until Sour Cream got home so he could watch Onion. Until then, Vidalia grilled Peridot with questions, like a test. She knew how Peridot worked. Tests were easier than conversations.

_1.) The aforementioned; what did Malachite do?_

— the answer being blurry and largely subjective at first, covered in self-blame, but clearer and more factual as Peridot went along. The details were hard to recall. All she could remember was comforting Malachite after Lapis and Jasper’s breakup, promising that she would be there for her and that Malachite could tell her anything, and suddenly Malachite’s lips were on hers and she was frozen. Breathless.

_2.) Did she ask you if she could kiss you?_

No. She hadn’t. But Peridot had told Malachite that she could trust her. Which must count. Vidalia told her, still steely-eyed, that it didn’t.

_3.) Did you want to be kissed?_

A hesitation. Peridot hadn’t thought about that. It had never come to mind that she might want to kiss people other than Amethyst. Sure, she loved a lot of people, including Malachite, but she couldn’t trust them with romance. But it didn’t extend only that far. She’d hesitated. For that moment, she had complied. She told this to Vidalia, which only made her angrier — but not at Peridot, she was clear to reassure her.

“Hesitating isn’t consent,” she said firmly. “Compliance isn’t consent either. Consent is saying yes.”

Which was a segway into question 4:

_4.) Did you audibly say yes?_

She hadn’t. With that, Vidalia was satisfied. _Come home fast,_ she texted Sour Cream. And the questions started again.

_5.) How does this relate to Amethyst?_

Another blurry answer. Originally, she had defended the breakup off the guilt card; as in, Peridot thought she was a bad person and Amethyst didn’t deserve to be hurt by her, so it was for her own protection. But if it wasn’t even her fault, the guilt was baseless. Which made it useless to Peridot — and Amethyst hadn’t even cared. She’d _wanted_ to stay with Peridot; hadn’t she said something about forgiving and forgetting —

And there it was. Peridot felt it before she understood it, the twinge of anger, the thoughts that lasted just a moment — _she’s so dramatic, she’s so idealistic, she’s so clingy_ — and the disappointment that followed. This whole ordeal related to Amethyst not because it was attached to her, but because it was like a new pair of glasses. It made Peridot realize exactly how bad their relationship could get, when the rubber hit the road. How much she couldn’t stand about Amethyst when things got bad. And it was heartbreaking, because it was then that she realized that everything she had loved Amethyst for, everything that was once so unique — her vivacity, her hopefulness, her empathy — was just another annoyance in this shitstorm she called life.

She had stopped loving Amethyst. The thought was devastating.

Despite the fact that Sour Cream had just gotten home, Peridot started crying again (two ugly cries in one day; perhaps it was a record for her emotionally-repressed ass). Vidalia hugged her again. After a minute, when Peridot felt herself calming down, the questions started again.

_6.) Do you blame yourself?_

Yes. She did. She couldn’t place how. But she did. Vidalia seemed to have come to this conclusion before Peridot had.

_7.) Would you be comfortable in talking to Malachite right now? With me?_

Peridot didn’t know. She supposed if Vidalia was there, it would be better. But the thought of talking to her just made Peridot’s gut twist up. So she went with Vidalia out to the car anyway, because Vidalia still had that steel-and-thunder look in her eyes, and she may have been curious what it would lead to. The answer did not take long to find. After unlocking the car for Peridot, Vidalia went back into the garage and came out with her shotgun.

“Just in case,” said Vidalia lightly. After putting it in the trunk, she climbed into the driver’s seat and returned the suspicious look that Peridot was giving her. “Look, it might seem _extreme..._ but if you ever have kids, you’ll understand. No one messes with my kids.”

 _But I’m not your child,_ something dark said in the back of Peridot’s mind. With some effort, she ignored it. And it didn’t speak again.

Hands still gripping the wheel like a race car driver, Vidalia pulled up to Alexandrite’s house and parked on the side of the road. “Do you want to wait here while I talk to her?”

“Are you gonna bring the gun?”

Vidalia gave a breathy laugh. “Honestly, that’s just for a REAL emergency. I just now thought of how Alexandrite might act if an angry mom appeared on her doorstep with a shotgun. I don’t wanna scare _her._ ”

Peridot might have felt more secure if Vidalia did bring the gun. But she went with her anyway.

Alexandrite, dressed in nightclothes and with her signature teal hijab draped sloppily over her head, answered the door. For once, she wasn’t wearing her sunglasses, and her large dark eyes went wider as she saw Peridot. As if Peridot needed a testimonial as to how awful she must have looked right now. “Is something wrong?”

Vidalia nodded. Her hand rested on Peridot’s shoulder, warm, firm, reassuring. “We’re sorry for bothering you at this time of night, Alex. But it’s about Malachite.”

“Of course it is,” Alexandrite sighed. “Of course it is.”

She let Vidalia and Peridot in and sat them down in the living room, pretending not to notice as Peridot looked around. She had never been inside a Muslim person’s house before, and honestly she didn’t know what she had expected. More shrines or tapestries or things in Arabic. But it was just a living room. An upright piano sat just across from the couch. Sheet music and books of chords lay everywhere. Two pictures sat on the mantel, one a picture of an Indian family (oh, there was Pearl) and then a picture of a much younger Alexandrite with Garnet, Ruby, Sapphire, Pearl, a pregnant woman with massive curls...and a toddler with an upturned mouth and hair in her eyes.

“Malachite!” Alexandrite called up the stairs. “You’ve got visitors!”

When there was no quick response, Alexandrite shrugged and returned to the living room. “She takes a while,” she explained. “Would...you like something to eat, or drink…? I was just starting to make dinner…”

She was clearly as awkward as they were about this. Vidalia politely declined and the stifling silence enveloped them all.

Then Malachite came down the stairs, rubbing her eyes as if she’d just woken up. Perhaps she did. Either way, she didn’t notice Vidalia and Peridot in the living room until it was too late — and by the time she did, Alexandrite was standing behind her with her hand on her shoulder and she couldn’t leave.

But oh, did she look like she wanted to.

Alexandrite ushered Malachite to the recliner by the couch, where she sat on the edge of the seat and refused to meet either of their eyes. Vidalia stared straight forward, eyes once again hard and merciless. And it was honestly scary, because Peridot had never seen Vidalia get mad enough to seem almost bloodthirsty — yet here she was.

“Peridot told me about something you did a couple days ago,” said Vidalia, voice high and hard. “Would you care to explain?”

Malachite said nothing. Her leg bounced, and she picked at her thumbnail.

Alexandrite cleared her throat. “Should I go?”

“No, you should know this,” Vidalia replied. “Peridot told me that Tuesday night, when she went to Rosewood, you held her against a wall and kissed her without her permission. Is this true?”

Malachite didn’t answer, just chewed her thumbnail. Alexandrite inhaled sharply.

“I’m sorry,” said Alexandrite quietly.

“Alex, honey, no. You’re not the one who needs to say sorry,” Vidalia told her, but with a very pointed glare at Malachite. In her lap, her fists were clenched, and for a second Peridot was worried that she was going to physically fight Malachite. Then, they unclenched, Vidalia took a deep breath, and she leaned forward.

“Listen,” she said firmly. “You hurt my daughter. You isolated her and made her think that she was at fault. You didn’t ask her permission before doing something that’s very, very special, especially since she was in a relationship. What you did was terrible. Don’t you _dare_ tell Peridot that it’s her fault, or run away like you did after you and your friends hurt Amethyst, because we are going to sit here until you apologize.”

Malachite didn’t move. She had found a great interest in her socks. Then Vidalia’s hard face softened — minutely, so it was more _rock_ hard than _steel_ hard. But a difference nonetheless.

“When Peridot told me that you wanted to change, I didn’t believe it,” she said evenly. “You never apologized to Amethyst for what you did to her. Something told me, ‘No one who _helps_ in sexual assault deserves this much redemption. I shouldn’t put my Peridot at risk of someone who cares so little about other girls.’ And I should have listened.”

The words were soft and quiet, more like the Vidalia Peridot knew. And Malachite flinched at every one.

A clock ticked. 23 seconds passed. Then Malachite whispered,

“I know.”

9 seconds.

“You think I _don’t_ ?” Malachite said, a little louder. Her voice, shaky. “You think Amethyst didn’t already get to me? She told me what I already knew. I hurt you. I made you hate yourself. I _know_ I did. And I can’t do SHIT about it. I was just...I don’t know, I don’t know how relationships work, alright? My moms are fucked up. My friends are fucked up. I’m fucked up.”

A deep breath in. 6 seconds.

“I wanna say sorry. But it feels wrong. ‘Cause I keep taking advantage of people an’ I know it’s bad but I just have to _do_ it. I...I need help.”

14 seconds. Peridot looked at Vidalia. She had taken a scrap of sheet music and a pen from a side table, and asked Alexandrite if she could use a piece. Then she scribbled something on it and held it out to Malachite.

“The first is Garnet’s number,” said Vidalia. “The second is an abuse recovery therapist. I know it’s hard to reach out for help. But I won’t let you go without apologizing to Peridot, and making this right. Those numbers are the only way it’ll get easier.”

Malachite took it, and stared at it. 12 seconds. Vidalia stood up, helped Peridot stand as well, and then turned to Alexandrite and said, “Make sure she calls them.”

Alexandrite nodded, and they followed her to the door. Vidalia apologized again for interrupting Alexandrite’s dinner; Alexandrite apologized again for Malachite’s behavior. She asked if Peridot was okay. Peridot didn’t know how to respond, and didn’t.

A minute later they were driving again and Peridot was staring blankly out the window as sulfur-yellow streetlights swam past. Vidalia asked what restaurant she wanted. Peridot said she wasn’t hungry. Vidalia chose the Wendy’s drive-thru, and ordered a Frosty and a small salad for Peridot. They parked and sat on the curb by the Wendy’s sign, the only light besides the occasional passing car. How terrible. Peridot could barely see the food she didn’t want to eat.

“Eat,” said Vidalia through a mouthful of burger.

Peridot picked out a single lettuce leaf, crunched it, and closed the lid on the container.

“Not gonna let you starve yourself just ‘cuz you’re sad,” Vidalia said. “Eat.”

Out of guilt, she did. It was only after it was gone that she realized she had needed it desperately. That was right, she had meant to eat when she got home...until she broke up with her girlfriend. She hadn’t eaten since this morning.

As soon as she put her fork down, Vidalia turned to her and slipped her thin but strong hands under Peridot’s. “Okay, talk to me, bud,” she said. “You heard it loud and proud. You weren’t at fault, were you?”

Why did she have to put it into a question? For once, it just made the answer harder. “I...I don’t know,” she confessed. “Objectively, I know I did nothing to provoke Malachite’s actions but at the same time — it wasn’t Malachite who yelled at Amethyst. It was me.”

She stopped and inhaled and let it fall out again.

“I still hurt her. I don’t know if _I_ deserve to be forgiven for that.”

“Peridot.”

Vidalia hugged her, letting her lean against her shoulder. “Listen to yourself,” she told her. “Every time something goes wrong, you blame yourself, and you try to punish yourself for it. Can't do that, bud."

She knew she couldn't. But she had to. And Vidalia probably knew that too. But every time she messed up, there was always something in the back of her mind that looked like her dad and said _Of course — what else would I expect from a useless kid like you?_ and she didn't know how to handle it. All she could do was heap blame after blame after blame on herself, doing anything and everything to fix a mistake that she might not have made in the first place, and just make things worse in the process. And then she would hurt someone. Or break someone's heart.

Vidalia was right, righter than she knew.

It took some convincing, but Peridot told her this and Vidalia held her and gave her a mint when she wanted something to distract her from crying again. Honestly, that whole thing about crying being therapeutic only worked the first few times; after that it just got annoying. So Peridot sucked on the mint while Vidalia held her.

"Tell me what's wrong with me," Peridot asked, and Vidalia tilted her chin up as she tried to think.

"Well...when you put it like that, I feel guilty when I answer, heh."

"Sorry."

"Not your fault." She looked down at Peridot again. "I think I've got it. I think you put too much responsibility on yourself."

Peridot was quiet. The mint cracked under her teeth.

"I don't know if it's something you can fix on your own," Vidalia continued. "Maybe the best thing is that you need to try and not pin any blame at all. 'Cause when you do, you just push it back on yourself somehow. Amethyst does this too, you'll see. But it's not healthy. Blame is for lawyers. Not seventeen-year-olds."

"Seventeen-year-olds still have problems."

"Of COURSE they do. But...I...ugh, how do I say this..." She ran her hand through her fluffy, grey-speckled hair and sighed warmly. "Problems are like bugs. They don't just go away if you ignore them long enough. They get bigger and they cause more problems. Seventeen-year-olds with problems turn into thirty-year-olds with problems, who turn into forty-year-olds with problems, who are probably dead any further than that because the problems have led them to, like, too much cholesterol and six bad marriages."

"Thanks for the vote of confidence."

"Point is," Vidalia steered the conversation back, squeezing Peridot's shoulder, "You can't look at all those problems and say, 'These are all mine to fix.' You're never gonna get to them all. Trust me, I've _tried._ And it's so hard to do it alone."

She met Peridot's eyes. A tear leaked from Peridot's eye, and her foster mom brushed it away with her thumb. "I _know,"_ she said, "because when I married Yellowtail, I sure as hell didn't do it because he was jacked as a bodybuilder. Didn't do it because we were madly in love and never had arguments, either. I made this lifelong commitment to him — " she held up her left hand, rubbing the simple gold ring " — 'cause I found a steady someone to help me through the crazy life rollercoaster."

Suddenly, her objective became painfully clear. Peridot nearly swallowed her mint. "You...want me to get back together with Amethyst."

"Meh, maybe I'm a little biased." Vidalia gave a small laugh before the companionable silence fell again. When she spoke again, it was nearly a whisper.

"Only if you want," she said. "But it can't hurt to try."

.

Thursday night, after putting Peridot to bed, Vidalia texted Garnet. She let her know that Malachite might be calling soon and in need of some serious help, and Garnet responded saying that she had already gotten the call. Vidalia explained what Peridot had told her (leaving out the personal bits as best as she could). So when Amethyst came downstairs, an absolute wreck, Garnet was prepared.

Friday night, after taking Amethyst home, Garnet called Vidalia back.

"I talked to her," she said simply.

 _"Great,"_ Vidalia replied. _"Any luck?"_

"Yes, thankfully so. She's a little nervous about talking to Peridot again. Doesn't know how she'll react. But I told her she should be fine."

_"Same with Peridot. She's got a lot of guilt still running around."  
_

"Even after confronting Malachite?"

_"That might have made it worse."_

"Yikes."

_"Yeah. It's so different, too. With Sour Cream, he just mopes around for five minutes and then he's back with Buck and Jenny again, like nothing was wrong. Peri works on an entirely different level of thought. Like she worries about hypothetical things as if they're real events."_

"I always told her she should be a theoretical physicist."

_"Heh. So, anything else on Amethyst? With respect to her privacy, obviously. Just, anything I might have to warn Peri about?"_

"Probably not. We talked most everything out; she just needs to be _with_ Peridot to work on the rest."

_"You always had a way with relationship stuff. Honestly, that's pretty impressive. Talking to Amethyst when she's emotional is HARD. I don't know how you do it."_

"Me neither. I've never been in a relationship."

_"Pearl."_

"Friends with benefits."

_"Still counts."_

Garnet chuckled. "Guess it does. Anyway. Thank you for all your help, Vidalia."

_"No prob. Here's to hoping it pays off."_

"Mmm."

_"Night. Tell Steven Onion says hi."_

"Will do. Goodnight."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aaaaaaand that's it for now haha. vidalia and garnet have been...meddling, yeah. was it intentional? not really. they're really trying their hardest. 
> 
> as usual i have no idea when my next update will be!! hopefully within the next three weeks. but this wednesday is SAT testing and this saturday is when i test for my third dan black belt, which entails a six hour workout and me having to break six boards with six back spin kicks, without stopping (holy jeez im nervous)
> 
> PLUS this chapter will be another ultra-long-double-chapter like 10 and 21
> 
> so who the hell knows
> 
> anyway its 1 am right now and i have to get up at 6 so leave comments pls ignore typos and OOC vidalia since we've only seen her three times (did u know her voice actress also does pacifica in gravity falls?? like what)


	32. The Reason / That Green Gentleman

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> \- The Reason — Hoobastank -
> 
> "I've found a reason for me  
> To change who I used to be  
> A reason to start over new  
> And the reason is you"
> 
> -
> 
> \- That Green Gentleman — Panic! at the Disco -
> 
> "Things have changed for me, and that’s okay.  
> I feel the same, I’m on my way, and I say...
> 
> I never said I’d leave the city,  
> I never said I’d leave this town.  
> A falling out we won’t tiptoe about."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (notes i wrote while writing)
> 
> THANKS TO FANGIRL_ON_A_BICYCLE FOR BETA READING THE RELATIONSHIPPY STUFF!!! UR A LIFESAVER!!!!!!!!
> 
> @ my Midwest readers, y'all remember that one day in February that was like 60 degrees? yeah this is that day
> 
> *violent flashbacks to my fic beginnings in them 2010 "chatroom/Facebook" fics*
> 
> also i feel like peridot probably got bullied a lot in elementary/middle school tbh. even though some of it was maybe a little deserved; don't forget she used to be a huge asshole about being the best in class. in any case we get a little glimpse at that here too

Sunday night, midnight. Peridot and Amethyst were both awake.

They could see each other in the _Eli and the Weirdos_ Discord chat, both online. That had been a mistake - or at least an insane coincidence - Peridot had been purposefully avoiding this chat and accidentally opened it instead of the _Camp Pining Hearts_ chat; Amethyst had forgotten that Peridot was in this chat and was surprised to find her online. Both were too surprised to react. Both expected the other to leave first. And oh, they both wanted to leave. But they were the only ones online, and all they could do was stare at the other green dot in disbelief and fear. Peridot chewed her thumbnail too hard, and Amethyst bit her lip.

They both began to type. Amethyst finished first.

 _im sry,_ appeared in direct messaging. Amethyst's hands shook. Peridot inhaled.

_The_Great_and_Lovable is typing..._

**_The_Great_and_Lovable:_ ** _For what?_

_prplpuma8XM is typing..._

(Amethyst took a very long time to type. Peridot knew what she was doing across town - probably chicken-pecking. The responses came one at a time, in uneven intervals.)

 **_prplpuma8XM:_ ** _for guilttripping u. im sorry. if u dont want to be my girlfriend its ok._  
 _im rly sory for trying to make you stay i dont know whats goingn on in your life.. but i didn't have a right to press you like that  
can you please forgive me?  
even if u dont thats ok to. i dont want u to feel like we have to be toghether again  
but i dont want the last thing we did be fighting_  
 _i_   _m rly sry_

Peridot was typing again even before Amethyst had finished, and while she waited to see if any more messages would trickle in, she went back in her message and proofread it.

 **_The_Great_and_Lovable:_ ** _I understand. But...you had the right idea. I spoke with Vidalia and with Malachite, and I came to the conclusion that I am the one who should apologize. I was dealing with a lot of self-blame at the time. Even though Malachite did not ask my consent, I behaved as if she had, which led me to lashing out at you in anger. I'm so, so sorry for putting you through that. Can you forgive ME?_

When Amethyst first read it, her hands floated up to her mouth. She reread the message again in case she missed something, and then she got up to grab her tinted glasses so she could read it again, and man she must've been a really slow reader because by the time she was done, Peridot seemed to think she was ignoring the message.

 **_The_Great_and_Lovable:_ ** _Are you angry?_

 **_prplpuma8XM:_ ** _yeah just  
im a slow reader dude lol_

The "lol" floated in halfheartedly, not so much to convey laughter but more to reassure Peridot that she wasn't mad. Didn't work.

 **_The_Great_and_Lovable:_ ** _Sorry._

 **_prplpuma8XM:_ ** _n o  
i see what u mean by a lotta self blame lmao_

 **_The_Great_and_Lovable:_ ** _Wait  
What?_

 ** _prplpuma8XM:_** _holy jeez_  
its so!! hard!!! to make text sound like i want it too  
can u call me?

 **_The_Great_and_Lovable:_ ** _I don't know. It's really late. I want to talk, though._

 **_prplpuma8XM:_ ** _ok umm  
tommorrow morning?_

 **_The_Great_and_Lovable:_ ** _Tomorrow for certain. Is under the stairs good?_

 **_prplpuma8XM:_ ** _yea_

 **_The_Great_and_Lovable:_ ** _Okay. Thank you, Amethyst. Good night._

 **_prplpuma8XM:_ ** _night_

They fell asleep wistfully, confused as kids could be, worrying what they would find when they awoke.

.

Peridot got up before her morning alarm, at a cringeworthy 5 A.M. Less than 6 hours of sleep - she could expect another tension headache later in the day.

 _If, that is, you survive that long,_ her pessimism said. Peridot grimaced.

"Douche," she murmured.

She wished she could have gone back to sleep, but when she was up, she was _up._ So she opened her laptop and idly found her way to Netflix, where Season 2 of Camp Pining Hearts was open and ready to watch. It was the episode arc about the s'mores war, one of her favorites. But somehow, Peridot found it impossible to concentrate, even during the chocolate raid scene.

She was paralyzed in fear.

It took her forever to get dressed, for one - more formal? Just casual? _Makeup?!_ \- though she settled for a hoodie, her most comfortable green t-shirt, and jeans. One nervous cereal later, Vidalia was driving her to the supermarket and they picked up a box of chocolates, a small bundle of roses, a fancy card to write heartfelt things in, and an envelope for both the card and the prom tickets. As Vidalia took her to school, Peridot racked her brain for nice, sappy things to write in the card. None of the things Vidalia offered had much weight to this very particular circumstance. And romance really was not her thing.

"Then be honest," Vidalia suggested finally. "Think of it like a practice test. Write exactly what you want to say to Amethyst when you see her. That way, even if talking goes wrong, at least you have the written copy."

_Like a script. Yeah, I can do that._

So she wrote.

At 7:30 in the morning, the school was relatively empty, which Peridot was grateful for. The six roses, giant box of chocolates, and gold-embossed card weren't exactly subtle, and then there was the fact that she was so nervous that she had forgotten to tie her shoes and tripped over her laces, sending everything and herself scattering across the floor. That couldn't be subtle either.

Neither were the five girls who rushed from the ticket office at the sound and flocked around her. Of course. Half of the girls' wrestling team. Just what she needed.

"Holy shit, you okay?" asked Jay, holding out her hand to Peridot. Awkwardly, she took it and stood. Gee gave her the box of chocolates, Carnelian thrust four roses into Peridot's arms, and Skinny slid the last two roses back into the bundle. Elle picked up the card and examined the back.

"Dude, this is fancy." Elle whistled and balanced the card atop Peridot's mountain of other romantic items. "Wait...what did you do?"

"Does it have to do with her not bein' in the group chat all weekend?" asked Carnelian.

Gee shook her head. "I was gonna send her memes, too."

"What'd you DO?" Skinny echoed.

They all stared at her like scientists at a specimen under a microscope. Each of them, Peridot remembered with sudden clarity, could probably beat her into a pulp without breaking a sweat. Peridot gulped and wished more than ever that she could shrink behind her roses and disappear.

Finally she admitted (quite vaguely), "I messed up. I'm going to apologize to Amethyst."

"Yeah, no dipshit!" Carnelian sniffed.

"What _level_ of messed up?" Skinny interrogated, leaning against a locker.

Elle folded her arms. "Yeah. Didja critique her makeup, or kill Steven?"

The girls inched closer to Peridot. Her tongue suddenly felt like sandpaper.

"I - "

"'Cos if you hurt her, we'll make you hurt right back."

"Yo, Gee, Chill. Chick said she was gonna apologize."

"That's what Sugilite said."

"And Labradorite."

"Yeah, but Lab wasn't crazy."

"Lab wasn't crazy _that we know of._ "

"Well, Peri's different. We already gave her the lowdown."

"We don't know that she's different."

"We were _over_ this, dude. She's mostly different. The rest we don't know yet."

"Then why don't you ASK her, you fuckwads?"

"That's what we're DOING, Skinny."

"So what's the deal, Peri?"

"Yeah Peri, what'd you do?"

"C'mon, tell us."

The five wrestlers were now so close to her that Peridot probably could match their deodorant and perfume scents to each of them. It was not making her any more inclined to spill. If Peridot was honest, their demands only raised more questions for her.

Such as, why didn't Amethyst tell them?

Taking a deep breath, Peridot steeled herself and stood up straight. She had taken enough punches as a nerd in elementary school; she could take a few more from Amethyst's protective friends. _For Amethyst._ "I...I can't tell you," she told them. "If Amethyst chose not to tell you, I wouldn't be comfortable in telling you and infringing on her privacy. I...uh...I understand you care about Amethyst. But I care about her too. And if she didn't want to tell you, I can't just change that for her. Sorry."

The five wrestlers stared at her, speechless, open-mouthed, and wide-eyed. Then Gee began to clap.

"That was beautiful," she whispered. The other four girls applauded as well. Jay wiped her eyes.

Peridot wasn't exactly sure how to respond to that besides, "Uh...wow, thanks." She realized with sudden clarity that she was pressed up against the lockers with the five girls caging her in, practically drowning her in the heat of athletic bodies and dyed hair. "Ahem. Can you guys...uh...maybe back up a little?"

It took a second to register, but at last came the chorus of "Huh? Oops!", "Oh shit, sorry kid!", and "Haha, we're keeping you in there forever" and they let her out of the intimidation circle. For extra measure, almost as if to apologize, they even pulled her into the ticket office and sat her in a chair for "primping". Whatever that meant. Apparently, it meant Elle splashing her with cologne, Jay rearranging her roses, Gee fixing her hair, Skinny giving Peridot mascara and two cute eyeliner wings, and Carnelian "testing" some of the chocolates to see if they were "safe".

"But just remember," said Elle, leaning very close to Peridot, "Ammy's the best lil' gem this cruddy world has to offer. You don't wanna know what our gang did to Sugilite's. We find you you're hurting her, we hit you hard enough to knock those freckles off your face."

"Don't ever forget it," Gee continued. "Ammy doesn't owe you _shit._ She gets uncomfortable with something, you damn well better listen. _Got it?"_

Mouth dry, Peridot nodded frantically. Then Jay cut between Elle and Gee, placing the bundle of roses gently in Peridot's arms. The silver fabric around them was now tied with a dark purple bow.

"But don't forget this either," said Jay, squatting in front of Peridot's chair to meet her eyes. "You don't owe her anything either. Between us and you - not that she doesn't know this herself, but still - she's got a lot of stuff on her mind. A lot under her belt. She needs a LOT of help with stuff sometimes. And sometimes she'll lash out and say stuff that hurts. You know how it is. If it ever becomes too much, don't you hesitate to step back and take a breather. Or leave forever for fuck's sake. We don't know what went down between you two. But if it goes sour today and you're not feelin' it, remember. You're your own lil' squirt. Amethyst's her own lil' squirt. Be yo' own lil' squirts."

"And if you need it, ticket office is always open before and after school," Skinny put in. "Someone's always here, ready to listen."

"Except if it's Chip," added Gee. "She'll be thinking 'bout football the whole time."

"I'm not great relationship listenin' help either, I've got ADHD," Carnelian waved her hand. "And I'd totally still be a virgin if it wasn't for Skinny."

"You're welcome."

Peridot cleared her throat pointedly, then used the pause of attention to exhale and compose herself. "I'll keep that in mind," she told the five girls, "er, the part about Amethyst, that is. And me. Th...thank you."

Again, a chorus of replies went up and the girls took turns patting Peridot on the back, some of which hurt. Guess it was the thought that counted. Jay even gave her a hug and ruffled her just-brushed hair.

"Good luck," she said simply before gently shoving Peridot out of the ticket office.

"You got this!" Carnelian hollered.

"I've got this," Peridot repeated softly.

 _I don't got this,_ her brain countered.

Simultaneously empowered and even more anxious, Peridot took a deep breath and strode down the corridor, clutching the roses, card, and chocolate like weapons. There were more people in the halls now, and more of them stared, but as the Famethyst hollered and hooted encouragement after her, Peridot kept on. Whether she thought she could do it or not, she _was_ doing it. She was going to face Amethyst and do what she had never before done, with anyone in her life, with any of the few relationships she had forged in her very introverted life. She was going to fix this for the better.

Then she arrived at the spot under the stairs, and Amethyst wasn't there.

Immediately, Peridot's mind whizzed into emergency protocol - _Did she ditch me? Or am I just early? 7:42, that's pretty early. But actually I would be late if we intended to speak together at length. If she showed up now, that'd only give us a half hour before the first bell. Hardly enough. Oh clod, I never thought about timing. Did I MISS her? I reread the messages several times; she never specified a time to meet, but what if she thought we needed more time to talk and arrived early? And then she thought I ditched her? Okay - okay - calm down, Peridot. Normally she doesn't even wake up this early. She...probably just underestimated how long it would take. Or forgot to look at the time. It's fine._

She sat on the ground, put her gifts at her side, put on her poofy headphones, and drew her legs into her chest. But as loud as she turned up the music, nothing could keep her from staring at her watch.

_7:44._

Her left eye itched. If she touched it, she would ruin Skinny's makeup job. She couldn't have that. So she just sat and she suffered and blinked a hundred times until she was almost tearing at her hair in need to scratch. But she didn't give up.

_7:58._

Peridot found herself chewing her lip and only noticed when she accidentally ripped a scrap of skin off too far. She wanted to stop, but it was too late and she had to bite the skin.

_8:10._

The five minute bell went off. The outside noise of a thousand teens shuffling to class became unignorable. If Peridot didn't move within the next five minutes, she would be late to art. _Maybe I SHOULD just go to class,_ she thought. _If Amethyst is here at school, I can just look through the door into the next classroom and see if she's at her spot._

But it didn't _seem_ like the right move. Sometimes, you just felt it. That it wouldn't be the right one. And Peridot felt it.

Except - _8:12. 8:13. 8:14._ The halls were empty of voices, of footsteps. The silence was like a tension, ready to snap with the final bell. Heart in her chest and an unsaid apology on her lips, Peridot snatched up her gifts and ran for the halls. She had tried, stars, she had tried; she had done all she could, but Amethyst didn't want her back. And she wanted to be okay with it - she tried to tell herself it, that it would be fine, that it was Amethyst's choice, but it still felt like the world was ending and that it was all her fault and -

_SMACK._

The other student had come seemingly out of nowhere - well, not really, since Peridot _had_ been running around a corner. But now they were both on the ground, and Peridot was a little dazed and breathless, and she was face first in someone's cleavage. _Shit,_ she thought and pushed herself up.

And then she met the eyes of the girl underneath her and she thought _shit_ again.

"A - Amethyst!" she yelped, scrambling to her feet. She realized too late that she probably should have helped Amethyst up, but by then Amethyst had pushed herself up too. There was a rose petal in her hair and tears in her eyes.

"Peri..."

The school bell split the silence, and over the PA a girl began to recite the Pledge of Allegiance. Peridot couldn't take her gaze from Amethyst; Amethyst didn't move from staring at Peridot. Until it became too much for them - at the same time - and they both had to look at the floor. Amethyst rubbed her arm. Peridot fiddled with the again-destroyed bundle of roses.

The PA clicked off and the silence became very obvious.

"I'm sorry," they blurted in unison.

The awkwardness tripled. No, exponentially increased. "Well, er," tried Peridot, at the same time Amethyst said, "I mean..." and they went quiet again. Amethyst rubbed the back of her neck. She had gotten her hair done over the weekend, Peridot noticed. It was a paler, almost silvery purple.

She took a breath in, picked up one rose that had slipped out of the bundle, and held out the gifts to Amethyst. "I...uh...I got you these."

Amethyst gaped at Peridot before shaking her head. "I don't deserve them."

Well. Wasn't that a mood-killer. Not that the mood wasn't cloddy enough as it was. Peridot wasn't sure what she wanted to say in response. But then, fortunately for her, she didn't have to decide right away - she remembered the bell had just rung, and registered the sound of sharp footsteps coming down the hall. Tucking the gifts under one arm, she grabbed Amethyst's hand and ran.

They were gonna be in so much trouble.

Breathless, Peridot and Amethyst burst out of a side door and into the cool morning air. Anyone could see them through the windows, so Peridot led Amethyst around the corner of the building, and Amethyst pulled Peridot between a dumpster and a wall. The space was barely enough for each of them to extend an arm out to the side, and if they sat down across from each other, their feet would touch. Something smelled strongly of gasoline. _Classy,_ Peridot wanted to say, but it was the best they had for now.

She met Amethyst's eyes and thrust out the gifts again.

"Take them."

Amethyst just stared, mouth open. "But...you're...missing class."

"I miss _you."_

She was quiet. Peridot kept the gifts out, inhaled, and tried to remember her script. The things she'd written in the card.

"If there's anyone who doesn't deserve something from someone, it's me. Instead of talking to you, I bottled it up and became bitter about it. And then when you asked, I said some things I shouldn't have. I _tried_ to insult you and I meant it. But I was wrong."

"No! I hurt you first!" Amethyst protested. "I shouldn't have pressed you when you said you wanted to break up. I knew you weren't okay with talking about what happened to you, with, with Malachite and all, but I made you tell me anyway. That was super shitty of me and I'm sorry. You were just, like, reacting normally."

For perhaps the umpteenth time that day, Peridot wasn't sure what to think.

Blinking rapidly, Amethyst leaned against the wall. "What's even shittier is that, like, I _know_ what I did," she murmured, "'Cause someone's done the same to me. When I tried breaking up with Sugilite, I didn't wanna tell her why. And she _freaked._ Just like I did. It made me feel awful. And then I put you through that too."

"But I didn't _want_ to break up with you," Peridot cut in. "I mean...maybe I did for a little. But only because I felt guilty."

"About Malachite?"

Peridot hesitated, then nodded. "I...I guess. And just...generally being a bad girlfriend."

"Malachite wasn't your fault. You know that, right?"

"Yeah."

"So there's no point in taking any blame! It _was_ my fault, admit it!"

" _No."_ Peridot rubbed her eyes. "I mean...okay, yeah. I mean - AGH, why is this so weird?! Why can't I just say what I want to tell you? Why are emotions - so - _difficult?!"_

Eyes prickling in frustration, Peridot fell back against the wall and looked up at the skies. The dreary clouds were pulling back, revealing small patches of blue sky. Her palms were sweaty against the slippery fabric around the roses.

Then something rested against her shoulder. A hand, warm and familiar. When Peridot looked up to Amethyst, the pressure lifted slightly, as if Amethyst was about to pull back. But she didn't.

"Can we just," Amethyst said, hesitating, "talk to each other? Be honest?"

She had pushed her hair back. Both of her eyes glittered wetly. Peridot nodded, and the girls sat on the ground with the gifts in Peridot's lap.

"I didn't want to break up with you. I mean it," said Peridot.

Amethyst bit her lip. "Would you?"

"Would I what?"

"Break up with me. If you could."

A hesitation. "I don't know. It's...it's a lot, sometimes. A lot to handle. I don't always know what's the right thing to do. And sometimes I just think it's so... _unbelievable_ that I have you, and we could have all these crazy adventures together. And sometimes it just feels unreal. Or fragile. It's stressful. It's stressful but it's also the best thing that's happened to me. It's stressful because - I _want_ to be with you. But life doesn't care. Like it or not, I'm being adopted, and I want to go off to a college that could be entire states away from here. I want to continue our relationship. But I have a hard time believing it's realistic."

"Yeah." Amethyst breathed out, long and slow, and pushed back her hair again. The cool morning breeze was beginning to pick up, cutting through Peridot's thin sweater. Amethyst shivered too. "I get it. Like...I feel that too, and maybe it's just my depression, but I guess I've learned to just ignore that. Kinda just take whatever life dishes out for me. Look at where _that's_ gotten me into though." She forced a dry, barking laugh. "I've got a rap sheet longer than Homestuck."

That made Peridot at least smile. "It's better than being chronically anxious," she countered. "I tried to blame myself for being in foster care. Once I had a panic attack because I was a minute late in sixth grade and thought it would go on my transcript. Hey - some clod tried to kiss me and I thought it was my fault."

Amethyst got the reference. "Yep. Malachite's a bitch."

"No kidding."

"But - you know that it wasn't your fault. Right?"

"I...yeah. Vidalia talked to me, and, and to Malachite. She brought her shotgun, too."

Amethyst snorted. "Classic V."

"Yeah." The brief pause stretched out and settled. Peridot scratched the back of her head. "Actually...she was the one who helped me with all this. The flowers, and all. She wants me to try and get back with you. Because I have problems, and you were, er, consistently instrumental in helping me cope with them."

"Even though I caused most of 'em?"

"No you didn't - "

"You've only got one leg."

"You pushed my wheelchair."

"You're skipping _class_ for me. _"_

"I chose to skip class. Because I wanted to." Ouch, that was hard for Peridot to say. But it was true. "Because I needed this."

Amethyst fell quiet again. Between them, the wind whistled, ruffling their hair and tugging at their hoodie strings. It was in times like this that Peridot wished for nothing more than for the ability to read feelings - from just her face, it was impossible to tell if Amethyst was frustrated, or melancholy, or any of the other derivatives of _sad_ that she tended to express when talking about complex things. Because of this, it was impossible to know what was the right thing to do. So Peridot did what she did best: she kept talking.

"I don't want to pressure you into coming back. I get it. We're really, really weird right now. And...I don't know if all that weird is gone yet, or if it'll ever go."

Shrugging, Amethyst pulled her hands from her pockets and leaned forward onto her knees. "Garnet says it doesn't."

"Huh?"

"The weird sometimes doesn't go," she said matter-of-factly. "Because we've been together so long. She says..." Amethyst's brow furrowed like it did when she was trying to figure out math equations. "It's called when the honeymoon ends. Or something. It's like now. When romance doesn't seem so snazzy anymore."

"And it stops being about how fun it is, and more about the choice." Peridot finished it like a statement, but in her mind it was more like a question. Amethyst stared at her.

"Lemme guess. Garnet told you that?"

Peridot frowned as she tried to remember. Garnet, Ruby, and Sapphire had talked to her a lot over the course of her relationship with Amethyst, and likely they had brought up something along these lines at some point. But the words were her own.

"I don't remember," she replied. "Maybe it's just me. After we started dating, I realized it was hard to love you sometimes. Like when you decided to go to Malachite's party last year, or when you skipped school to see me on physical therapy days. So I learned to work with the things that bothered me. Focus on the good instead. I figured I couldn't just...stick with you if all I counted was our friendshippy, fluffy feelings. It wouldn't last if I tried."

"Whoa." Overwhelmed, Amethyst leaned back against the brick wall. "So I guess it's easy for you. Long term-relationships, I mean."

"I don't know." She really didn't.

"Why's that?"

Peridot sighed and leaned back too. "This was my first relationship. _Ever._ Probably my first real friendship, too. And I broke it off because someone messed with my head and made me drown myself in blame. It's hard."

Neither of them could argue with that. "I guess it's my first real one too," Amethyst admitted. "Which I fucked up by dumping all my problems on you, acting really possessive because I got dependent, and then not listening when you weren't okay."

"I'm sorry."

"Huh?"

"I hurt you by closing myself off - "

" _Dude."_ Amethyst's hand rested on her shoulder again, gently pulling Peridot to face her. "You were under a lotta pressure. You did what you could."

Peridot was ready to counter it like she always did, but for the first time, two things stopped her. Vidalia and Jay. The words had come back in shocking clarity: _You don't owe her anything either._ It was true. And it was hard to think of, but maybe Amethyst did have rights to some of the blame for the blowup. Peridot couldn't just punish herself. She wasn't responsible for being manipulated by Malachite. She wasn't responsible for Amethyst's reaction. What she _was_ responsible for - her own reactions, her anxiety, her decisions - she did not have to handle alone.

Nodding, she exhaled, long and slow.

"I know," she said. "I tend to put responsibility on myself, and then I get overwhelmed. Then I hold it all in and hope I can deal with it on my own. Like I did here. What the hell - I was _just_ talking about this! Oh stars, I can't believe this. This is the worst. I need _so_ much help, Amethyst."

Despite the situation, she started to laugh. Maybe at herself. Maybe because she was being so ridiculous. Maybe it was just the relief of saying it - she needed help. Shaking her head, Peridot put her hand over Amethyst's and half-leaned against her.

"I don't even know where to START with how messed up this is!" she cackled. "I overthink EVERYTHING! No wonder you always said I'm tiring! I just - of course I'm so anxious, _nothing_ goes right for me. I've been stuck in this awful foster system too long. Amethyst - I'm so worried all the time. I never get to do what I want. I feel like I'm always being _thrown_ everywhere. I can't trust anyone. Not Malachite, not Lazuli, not even the Yellowtails. As cheesy as it sounds, you - you're the only one left who makes me feel like I can stand without falling again."

By the time she finished, she was shaking, almost crying into Amethyst's shoulder, and she was afraid Amethyst would pull away. But she let her. After a second, Amethyst put both arms around Peridot and hugged her tightly.

"Guess we're both pretty fucked up," Amethyst murmured. Peridot nodded and wiped her nose on her sleeve.

"I hate the world," she sniffled.

"Same."

They sat, Amethyst's arms around Peridot, Peridot's hands anxiously weaving through a couple locks of Amethyst's hair. The flowers and gifts had fallen to the ground.

When they pulled apart, Amethyst's hands floated up to Peridot's face.

"You're wearing eyeliner," said Amethyst thickly.

Peridot sniffled again and dabbed her sleeve against the corner of her eye. "Your friends caught me on my way in. I'm trying not to ruin it by crying." A smile twitched at Amethyst's mouth and Peridot added, "It's hard."

"Well, depends on who did it, though. Some of the girls are religious about the waterproof stuff. Since they wear it while wrestling too."

"It was Skinny."

"Yeah, you're good, cry away."

"I think I'm done." She still wiped her eyes for good measure. "Thank you."

"Anytime." Peridot didn't respond to that, only stared at her hands, so - with no small amount of _oh, fuck it -_ Amethyst clasped Peridot's thin hands in her own and gently squeezed for reassurance. "Seriously. I get it. Life _really_ sucks. An' trying to stick by someone as they're going through it sucks even more. But I think I'm ready."

Peridot's eyes grew wide. "You mean...you want to be my girlfriend again?"

"Yeah, only if you're okay with it - "

The look on Peridot's face told her all she needed to know. Then, Peridot kissed her, and the fight was over.

As much as they wished for more time to talk about deep, personal stuff, they couldn't just sit behind the school dumpsters forever. Well...they could. Technically, Amethyst pointed out, they COULD do anything; it was just that sometimes they shouldn't. And they _shouldn't_ skip all school day just to have time together, Peridot countered. It wasn't wise. Not without a deal of mild complaints, Amethyst agreed.

They let themselves stay outside until first hour ended before going in again. "I feel so...rebellious!" Peridot squeaked, squeezing Amethyst's hand tightly.

Their fingers were covered in chocolate, which they had devoured together. The box was empty and now in the dumpster. Amethyst had pulled her hair into a ponytail and deftly woven five of the roses into it; Peridot had used one of Amethyst's bobby pins to fasten a single rose to her hoodie over her heart. The prom tickets were in Peridot's back pocket. They swung their hands as they walked around the back of the school, out to the parking lot where it wouldn't be suspicious to come in late from.

"You're a truant now, P-Pod," Amethyst snickered.

"Along with a traffic offender, a yeller at teachers, and a sperm-donor puncher," Peridot added (a little too proudly). Amethyst bumped her playfully.

"That's my girl."

When coming in, they spun a quick lie for the security guards - they were out at breakfast before school and Peridot's prosthetic broke, so they had to stop to fix it (Peridot put in an extra limp and leaned on Amethyst for good measure). Miraculously, the guards bought it. They were excused from class and wasted another hour in the nurse's office, letting Peridot "rest her joints" and put the screw back in.

"You're really milking the disability card," Amethyst murmured when the nurse went back to her office. Peridot shrugged and shifted the ice back over her stump.

"If I'm honest? I'm almost constantly sore and aching. Since I'm awful at remembering to stretch. I can literally feel my muscles atrophying sometimes. But I wouldn't say I'm milking it. Just...using my resources."

\- A subtle reference to a debate they'd had almost a year ago, about what it meant to cheat. Peridot had claimed that referencing anything other than the given test material was cheating. Amethyst had countered that it was just using your resources. Peridot had replied that using resources was not allowed. Amethyst had shot back that Peridot had a photographic memory, which could easily be classified as a resource, so using her brain was virtually the same as Amethyst pulling out a notecard of formulas. Peridot had responded that it didn't count since her brain was not considered an outside resource, since her brain was invited to take the test. Amethyst had replied that she should then be allowed to write the formulas on her hand, since her hand was invited to take the test as well. Peridot had rolled her eyes and said that things put ON the body part invited to take the test were considered resources. Amethyst had fired back that then she should be allowed to take all tests and quizzes butt naked. And that Peridot should not be allowed to wear her glasses or prosthetic foot.

The conversation had ended there, and Peridot told her that Amethyst would make a very good defense attorney.

When Peridot mentioned it, Amethyst grinned at the memory.

"Damn. You're so bad," she told Peridot. "Maybe Miss Diamond was right. I am a horrible influence on you."

Peridot snickered. Then Amethyst's face dropped and turned serious.

"Seriously, though," she said, "I'm missing a pre-calc review right now. So I'm ultra fucked for the test tomorrow. Are you free tonight to help me study?"

"I wouldn't be so confident in saying that only _you_ rubbed off on _me,_ " Peridot replied with a dry smile. "You're sounding nearly _nerdlike."_

"Me? A nerd? Never," Amethyst pretended to act offended, and popped her lips for good measure. Peridot just turned and kissed her cheek.

When the nurse cleared Peridot and they parted their own ways, they were both smiling. For once, Amethyst went to her government class in a good mood. For the first time, Peridot used her phone to Snapchat Amethyst during class (she didn't even get caught! Nyahahaha!). At last, everything was back to normal. Things were going to be okay, Peridot told herself. And for once she could believe it.

Until she went home.

Amethyst and Peridot had agreed to study at Peridot's house, due to a warning text from Garnet that Malachite was over. So after school (and after dropping into McDonald's for a snack and horsing around in the children's play area before getting kicked out by the manager), they drove to Peridot's house with the windows down and music blaring. The February afternoon had turned unusually warm and sunny, and the two girls were enjoying it so much that they weren't paying attention.

Meaning that Peridot didn't notice the three strange cars in the driveway until Amethyst said, "Hey, Peri, I can't exactly...park? Do you guys have visitors or..."

Peridot had been trying to take a candid selfie with herself and Amethyst as the other girl drove, and failing to get the Snapchat flower crown filter to stay in the right place on Amethyst's head. Shrugging, she gave up. "Hmm?"

She looked up. And to her shock, the Yellowtails' driveway was full of cars. Two familiar, three unfamiliar; one of them, the family minivan; the other, Vidalia's and Sour Cream's shared Toyota. Then, a dented maroon van in the street. A beautiful black Lexus in the driveway. And last, worst of all, a nondescript sedan - a social worker's car. If her quick glance at the license plate was right, it was Mrs. Bedford's.

"No," was all Peridot could whisper.

It was happening. Adoption. It was here and suddenly, her mouth was dry as sandpaper. She didn't even have to ask and she knew what was happening: her time in Beach City was up, the Yellowtails were letting her go, she was going to be taken away and given to a _Silas_ who lived far away, away from Amethyst, away from Rosewood, away from all of the friends she never knew she could have. It was all over. In the back of her mind, during all the apologies of this weekend and morning, she had _known_ that this would come eventually, but it was too soon. Vidalia had to have known. Why would she help Peridot get back with Amethyst and then just rip it away again?

It wasn't supposed to be like this. It _couldn't_ be like this.

_And it wouldn't._

Amethyst was asking if she was okay, but Peridot didn't answer. "Drive," she snapped. "I have to get out of here!"

Without hesitation, Amethyst stomped on the gas and they raced away from Vidalia's house. The wind that came through the windows when they went fast was suddenly very cold. The song radio, though it was a clear signal, seemed to fizzle out into static. The only thing keeping Peridot in the moment was the fact that she was clenching the toes of her right foot, but couldn't manage to do so in her left. She wanted to feel that pressure again, to feel evened out. But she couldn't even do that and it frustrated her.

"Where to?" Amethyst asked at the intersection.

"As far away as possible," was the only thing she could think of. Again, Amethyst complied without hesitation, and they shot off down the road to stars knew where.

They drove for about ten minutes in silence before they approached the outskirts of town. All the while, Peridot tried soothing herself by taking apart her digital watch and putting it back together, but the rural roads were getting bumpier and she felt like using a Swiss army knife, even just for the screwdriver, likely wasn't smart when it was bumpy. She looked at the concern on Amethyst's face. Glancing back at Peridot, she switched off the radio, rolled up all the windows, and kept driving. They passed the edge of town.

"Okay," said Amethyst, "talk to me. What the _hell_ is going on?"

Only then did Peridot realize she was biting her lip hard enough to bleed. "One of those cars was a social worker's," she replied quietly. "I never really got to tell you, outside of our fight. I'm being adopted. Vidalia was trying to keep it a secret, but I overheard her talking on the phone. I don't know where this person or people live but it's really, really far away, they said I'm going to have to make new friends, and I don't want it, we JUST got back together, and - "

Hysteria (well, wasn't THAT getting familiar) began to build until Amethyst reached over and squeezed her shoulder. _"Hey._ Stay with me, dude. They can't touch you now. Stay with me."

With no small deal of effort, Peridot focused on breathing and pushed the panic back. Partly, at least. Her whole body shuddering, she exhaled. "I'm fine."

"No, you're not," said Amethyst. "I just - shit. I can't believe it. What the fuck. What the FUCK."

Exactly Peridot's thoughts.

They kept driving - it was a 55 miles per hour zone and Peridot caught Amethyst going 74, which was what truly snapped her out of her haze. The entire time, Amethyst had been swearing under her breath. When Peridot pointed it out, she swore once very loudly, dropped the speed, and went quiet for a while.

"I can't believe this!" she finally burst. " _Vidalia_ said that?"

Reluctantly, Peridot nodded. She didn't want to believe it anymore than Amethyst did, but she couldn't forget what she'd heard. _She's not my child. It's gonna be really hard for her to make new friends too, especially at her age. She just needs a little support. And I know you can give her that support, too._

"It just...doesn't fit," said Peridot weakly. "Nothing does! They always said when I got a forever family, I'd love them. Hah - how the hell can I love this, this _Silas_ when I don't even know who he is?!"

"Well - maybe we can reason with them?"

"What do you mean?"

"Like, say, can you stay with the Yellowtails until you graduate, then you can move in with your new family...or, or you can stay at Rosewood! With me, we can adopt you first or something, and if you need your space we can just kick Lapis out. There's gotta be something we can do."

"You can't reason with Social Services," Peridot replied, a sinking feeling in her stomach.

The sinking feeling turned into a plummeting one when her phone started to ring. The caller ID said it was Vidalia.

Both girls went silent for two rings.

"I don't want to pick up," said Peridot hollowly. As they watched the road, Amethyst's eyes narrowed slightly.

"Then _don't."_

So Peridot didn't. The phone stopped ringing, and then it started again. Hands trembling, she turned off her phone.

It was almost an hour later - twilight, with a warm and dusky lavender almost-sunset - by the time they turned off Route 64 and stopped at a hot dog restaurant. Peridot pointed out that they had no money. In response, Amethyst leaned across, unlocked the glove box, and pulled out a purple makeup bag. It contained four hundred dollars in cash and a check for two hundred dollars, with _"Happy birthday from Rose!"_ scribbled in the memo.

"Some of my birthday money," she explained. "For emergencies."

"Does this count as an emergency?"

"Why not," said Amethyst, stuffing twenty-dollar bills into her wallet before locking the makeup bag away again.

Peridot wasn't really in the mood to eat, so she just picked at her food and tried not to think of anything beyond the tile walls of the retro hot dog restaurant. Amethyst wolfed down her food within the first two minutes and was exhausting her last few drops of cellular data to look up cheap hotels in the area. Every once in a while, Peridot caught Amethyst stealing lustful glances towards Peridot's fries and plain hot dog.

"You gonna finish that?" she asked. Peridot shook her head and pushed the tray towards her. "Aw, hell yeah. But seriously, no fixin's? At least put mustard on it, girl." Shaking her head, she left with the hot dog to get some condiments. Her phone lay on the table, open to the website of a Motel 6. By the time Amethyst got back, Peridot found herself curling her toes again.

"We're really doing this, aren't we?" she asked quietly. "Are we...running away?"

Amethyst froze, then set down the hot dog. "I...guess we are," she murmured, tucking her hair behind her ear. "If you don't wanna go back, I don't want to either."

A lump grew in Peridot's throat. "But you have a _family_. I get that you wanna be with me, but they _need_ you. I don't want you to just leave them to stay with me."

"They're the only ones in the world who'd understand why I'm staying," said Amethyst, her eyes hard and unblinking. "I love you, Peridot. I'm serious. And I wanna help you no matter who these state fucks think they are. If you want out, then you're not doing it alone. Cross my heart and hope to die."

Her hand crossed the distance of the table and covered both of Peridot's. Still, her gaze never wavered. She meant every word.

And despite the seriousness of the situation, Peridot couldn't help but put in dryly, "You know, the last time we told each other the cross your heart thing, both of us almost died. _Twice_."

"Well, let's not think like that." Amethyst squeezed her hand and forced a smile. "We'll figure this out. After we rest up."

They hit the road again, Amethyst driving and Peridot navigating to various hotels. It was so surreal, being out here alone, traveling with nothing but the car that held them, a hand to hold, and the clothes on their backs. Somehow, it was lonely.

"This might be our only night in a hotel," Amethyst explained as she helped Peridot out and pulled five twenties out of her makeup bag. "Lil' chain hotels like this are pretty cheap, but if we're gonna get on our feet, we gotta be thrifty. 'Specially as we get closer to the city. I mean...unless you don't wanna go to the city. But still. Might be a better idea to sleep in the car after tonight."

Peridot didn't respond, just clutched at the fabric of her hoodie. The sun had now dipped below the horizon, leaving the world in a deep, cold, ashen blue. The only light on this side of the hotel parking lot was a streetlamp, casting Amethyst's face a stark ochre. She took Peridot's hand.

"Hey," she murmured. "It's gonna be fine. Think about it - we're just like Ruby and Sapphire."

Peridot knew the story as well as Amethyst did. But it didn't fit the same. When they ran, Ruby and Sapphire hadn't looked back. They didn't have anything to look back _to_ ; they had run because they had nothing to lose. Peridot had _everything_ to lose. Her education, her savings, her _home_. If they went back for any of them, Social Services would snatch her up faster than she could blink. But without finishing high school, her future was ruined. She knew enough about money to see that six hundred dollars wouldn't get them very far.

And thinking of the Yellowtails... _stars_. Even if they had let her go, it was somehow difficult to reconcile that truth with everything they'd done for her before. Sour Cream had been ecstatic to share common interests with her, and had welcomed her into the Cool Kids' circle with open arms. Onion had been loving in his own quirky way, like making slime with her or bringing her dead bugs that he thought were cool. Yellowtail treated Peridot just like he treated his own sons, bringing her on fishing trips and teaching her his native language.

Then...Vidalia. The mother she never had. Who had been with her since day one, willing to drop everything to help her. Peridot could still remember that awful night in the hospital, when Vidalia had rushed into her room and the doctors had to hold her back from running to Peridot. She had cried for hours, she had been so happy that Peridot was safe. And who could forget the number of times she had carried Peridot up and down the stairs at home.

This family had done nothing but give and give and give, and for Peridot to say that she could just forget all that...she wasn't sure if she could. It didn't seem right.

But she didn't know how to fix it. So she just held tight to Amethyst's hand and followed her inside the hotel.

Both were afraid that the staff would ask for IDs or have an age restriction, but the kid behind the counter couldn't have been much older than either of them, and barely even looked up from his computer as he handed them their key cards. He did raise an eyebrow when Amethyst put down their names as "Amy and Patty Dot", as did Peridot. At least something to lighten the mood.

"Who the hell is named _Patty Dot_?" she asked as she and Amethyst walked up to their room. Amethyst shot her a look.

"I was under a little pressure, okay?"

"Oh, I get it. Sure thing, Amy Dot."

Amethyst blew her a raspberry, and pulled out her key card to the room.

It had been cheap, so its furnishings were limited to one bed, a table, and a bathroom the size of a broom closet, but there was a little TV and free wi-fi. Almost as soon as Amethyst plopped on the bed and took out her phone to connect, it started buzzing like a hive of wasps.

"Shit," she muttered under her breath.

Peridot set her backpack on a chair. "What?"

"Garnet and Pearl wanna know where I am or whatever." Amethyst blew another raspberry and the phone buzzed again. "Oh. And Ruby too."

"I thought you said they'd be okay with this."

"I said I _think_ they'd understand. I...just don't wanna explain all this to them right now. I'm so tired."

"Mmm." Gingerly, Peridot climbed onto the bed and lay on her back next to Amethyst. "Same. What a day."

"It feels like we made up to each other, like, a week ago. Not, like, early morning."

"If you want to go further back, the earliest thing we did today was accidentally meet in a Discord chat."

" _Dude._ Oh shit, now Sapphire's on my case. _'I know what you're doing.'_ Jeez, how cryptic is that?"

"No offense, but Sapphire is kind of creepy."

"No offense but you're really right about that. Wait, now she's asking if the weather is nice down in Bensenville. _We're_ in Bensenville, Peri."

"That's...actually not that weird if you have your 'Track my iPhone' app on."

"I used to sneak out on Friday nights to smoke weed and wrestle drunk college guys. You really think that app would even BE on my phone."

"Fair point."

"I'm just gonna say I'm at your house."

"Problem - _I'm_ not at my house."

"And they could call Vidalia. Right. So no alibi."

"Darn."

"Fuck."

Amethyst dropped her phone onto the bed and sighed. After a while, during which they both just stared at the ceiling, she got up and said, "I'm gonna shower."

"Have fun," said Peridot absentmindedly.

While Amethyst took her shower, it struck Peridot that she didn't exactly have a change of clothes beyond the ones she was wearing. Desperate, she dug in her school backpack, but only found a pair of gym shorts that she never wore anymore because she couldn't do gym. They smelled only a _little_ weird.

On the bed, Amethyst's phone rang once, then twice, then a third time. Then it went silent.

When Amethyst came out of the bathroom, Peridot was sitting on the bed in her shorts and undershirt, her prosthetic foot discarded, and was staring intensely at Amethyst's phone. Amethyst raised an eyebrow.

"What're you doing?"

"I don't think I can do this," said Peridot plainly. "Your guardians called you six times while you were in there."

"Did you pick up?"

"No."

"Then what's the problem?"

Peridot sighed and drew her good leg into her chest. "They clearly miss you," she told Amethyst. "And you haven't responded to them once tonight, have you?"

Amethyst tried to remember. "Not really."

"Well - doesn't that bother you?"

"Does it bother you that you ignored Vidalia's call?"

"YES!" Peridot cried, and flopped backwards onto the bed. Her phone, shut off, rested on the bedside table. She turned on her side so she wouldn't have to look at it. "I don't know how to explain it. I know I have you. But I still feel so _alone_."

Amethyst swallowed. Even though all she wore was a camisole, her underwear, and a towel turban, she sank down beside Peridot and opened her arms to hold her.

"I miss them," Peridot whispered. She didn't even have to say a name. "I just wish things could be normal."

Squeezing her eyes shut, she buried her head in Amethyst's shoulder. "I know," said Amethyst, and stroked Peridot's hair. They said nothing for a long time.

Eventually, they settled down into the squishy hotel bed, turned on the TV, and looked for a movie. But the only good one was _How to Train Your Dragon,_ at the part where Stoick found out about Hiccup's love for dragons and disowned him. Which didn't really settle well with Peridot. So instead, they turned the channel to a shitty sci-fi show and tried to make fun of the lousy special effects and clichéd plotlines. It worked at first. For a while, Peridot was able to forget the awkwardness and loneliness, and pretended that the only thing she knew was Amethyst's head leaning on her shoulder.

Then Amethyst fell asleep. She didn't seem to mean to. But sometime around ten thirty, Peridot looked over and she was snoring lightly, her head tucked in a painful-looking position between the top of the pillows and the headboard. Of course, it was likely just a power nap - she tended to take those after dinner, and then wake up an hour later to keep pushing her late night. Peridot could just wake her up.

But there was something else about the solace, something beyond the loneliness, that Peridot couldn't break. Carefully, she reached under Amethyst's body and shifted her down, out of the weird position and flat on her back. When she turned the TV off, Amethyst just murmured in her sleep. So Peridot climbed out of bed, strapped on her prosthetic, dug her phone out of her backpack, and locked herself in the bathroom. Then she sat on the toilet and turned the phone back on.

It took a while, but eventually the alerts started coming in. Four texts from Sour Cream. _Eighteen_ missed calls from Vidalia, six text messages to boot. Four voicemails, also from Vidalia. Two missed calls from Garnet. One from Jenny. One from - just what she needed - Mrs. Bedford, along with one voicemail.

Peridot had some loose change in her pocket so she flipped a quarter, and it landed on tails - Mrs. Bedford first, then. Bracing herself for the worst, she opened the voicemail, made at 7:57 P.M.

 _"Hello, Peridot, this is Tara Bedford,"_ said the voicemail - as if Peridot wasn't required to have her case worker on her emergency contact list of every device she owned - _"I'm calling on behalf of your foster family, your biological mother, and the state of Illinois."_

(Peridot was _this_ close to deleting the voicemail as soon as Mrs. Bedford mentioned her bio-mom. If _she_ was involved in all of this, then Peridot wanted nothing to do with it.)

" _We need you to return home, to your current residence, as soon as possible. This is not a request. If you willingly refuse, legal action will be taken and your privileges as a ward of the state may be revoked."_

There was a hesitation, however brief.

" _If you are unable to return, please call me back immediately. I will do whatever I can to help you. If you have something to say, please return home and we can talk about it. If someone other than Peridot Sun is hearing this message, please know that the police have been notified of her disappearance. Any harm done to her will be severely punished. Thank you."_

The voicemail ended.

Peridot played it again to make sure she hadn't missed anything. But sure enough, the message was just as cryptic as the first time she'd listened - no open confirmation of why they wanted her back. Not that she was surprised. Who were they joking, trying to spring adoption on her, threatening her with the law if she didn't comply with this...this _transaction?_

But she couldn't help but hesitate too, just as Mrs. Bedford had. Being a state ward was shitty. She knew that the politicians who drove the Social Services didn't actually care about her. Except that Mrs. Bedford was no politician - just a kind-hearted, if not strict lady who devoted her life to finding kids a safe home. She had been with Peridot's case for six years, ever since Family Four. She had sat through countless sessions, working her hardest to fix the damage done in Peridot's early childhood. Mrs. Bedford wouldn't just shuffle her off if she thought it might hurt Peridot. Maybe there was a good reason for this, Peridot realized, and if there wasn't, maybe her case worker would listen to her.

Hands shaking, she opened Vidalia's first voicemail. Sent at 3:11 P.M., around the time Peridot had been let out of class. Of course she hadn't heard it.

_"Hey Dottie! Just calling to check in, see how it went with Amethyst. Dunno if you're still in class, or if you two are talking right now, so just let me know. But I'd like for you to come home before four, we've got a huge surprise waiting for you! Kind of a late birthday gift, but who cares? Anyway, call me back ASAP. Love ya!"_

A huge surprise. Who could possibly guess what that was.

Peridot opened the next voicemail - 3:58. She had probably been hanging out with Amethyst then, and forgotten to check her phone.

_"Hey, Peridot, I know you might be busy, but you gotta get home, squirt. There's, like, three lil' kids and Onion's try'na teach them how to build fires. Please hurry. And check your phone more, seriously. Love you, bye."_

The third voicemail was left at 4:21. About the time Peridot had been fixing the watch, she remembered, and Amethyst had told her she didn't have to answer the phone if she didn't want to. This must have been when she didn't.

_"Peridot, Alexandrite just called me. She said she saw Amethyst's car pass by. If you're with her, PLEASE call me. I'm going to call her now. I love you."_

So Vidalia had called Amethyst, and they probably didn't know about it because Amethyst was driving and had her phone on airplane mode to save her data. Had she ever gotten the call? If she had, it would make sense that she didn't tell Peridot. Peridot had made it exceptionally clear that she was upset. And the way Vidalia's voice cracked, it was making her upset right now.

The fourth voicemail had been made almost immediately after, at 4:45.

_"Peridot, if you're hearing these at all, PLEASE, please call me. I don't know what's going on, but I need to know that you're okay."_

Her breath hitched - and for the first time, Peridot heard Vidalia sound like she wanted to cry.

_"Tara told me that you might be scared when you saw her car. If that's what happened, please listen. It's not what you think, Peri. This is different. They're not here to take you away. I swear. You're not going anywhere. Please come home. We love you."_

She almost dropped the phone.

_They're not here to take you away. We love you._

It was like all the warmth had been gradually seeping from her, and then shot all at once into her with those few words. Suddenly, Peridot couldn't stop jiggling her leg. The warmth spread from her toes to her fingertips and she had to put down the phone because she had to flap her hands instead. _Stars,_ it felt so good - she very rarely happy-stimmed, and she wasn't sure where all of this bright, beautiful energy was coming from, but all she could think about was _I'm okay._

They weren't giving her away. Something was wrong with what she'd heard. She should have felt it, that nothing felt quite right - but _this_ felt right. She was going to be okay. If just for now. But she was going to be okay.

It was the last voicemail, so Peridot looked at the texts, most of them variations on "where are you?" and "please pick up :(". Taking a deep breath, she began typing.

 _I'm safe,_ she replied. _I'm with Amethyst, and we're staying in a hotel overnight._

She sent it, then typed a second message.

_I'm coming home tomorrow morning. I'm sorry._

Vidalia didn't respond. She might've been asleep; she liked to go to bed early (now that she was "old as balls", as she might have added).

For good measure, Peridot messaged Mrs. Bedford, and this time received an immediate reply. Her case worker was not happy. She was glad that Peridot was okay, but demanded that she returned home immediately. Peridot said she could not do that because her driver was asleep. Waking her up would make her cranky and groggy and a less-safe driver. When Mrs. Bedford asked where she was so someone could come pick them up, Peridot shrugged and replied. "Fuck if I know. Look, I'm tired too. I just kinda wanna be alone. Sorry" before hanging up.

When Peridot came out of the bathroom, she found Amethyst sitting up in bed. "I got scared that you left for a second," she said. Then she noticed the phone in Peridot's hands and her eyes widened. "Did...?"

"Well, about that," Peridot laughed dryly, taking off her prosthetic and climbing into bed, "I might've jumped to conclusions. They're not actually giving me away."

"Oh. Was that, like, not a Social Service car, or...?"

"It was." Peridot sighed and curled up on her side. "So they're there for _something,_ just not that. I, for one, am no less confused than you are. But I wanna go back. I'm never going to understand if all I do is run away."

Amethyst lay back down next to her, and began to absentmindedly stroke her hand. "That's...wow. That's really mature of you, Per. We can totally go back. You, uh..." She let out a huge yawn. "...wanna go now, or...?"

"No. You need sleep." Shifting closer to Amethyst, Peridot pressed a kiss against her forehead and settled into her arms. "Morning, okay?"

"Mm. Thanks."

She was asleep again within the minute. And as Peridot watched her beautiful face relax, she felt herself slip into sleep too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS CHAPTER WAS CUT. IN ***HALF***
> 
> ITS 10,297 WORDS I HAVE SO MUCH TO DO STILL!!!!! FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!
> 
> *inhales*
> 
> ok ok ok. granted, this buys me time. it's for the best. there were some huge thematic shifts and other rhetorical/technical things i didn't like about lumping this half with what comes next, and plus i felt like 14,000 words was really pushing it. srsly.
> 
> anywayyy if youre confused thats ok because peridot's confused too. please leave comments lettimg me know what yuou liked
> 
> also imma start a petri dish spinoff oneshot series sometime soon
> 
> by soon i mean after the AP exams
> 
> (fuck the AP exams)
> 
> hngghh


	33. Take All the Time You Need (End of Act III)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> END OF ACT III. 
> 
> \- Take All the Time You Need — Oh Honey -
> 
> "Sometimes I need space  
> Get lost in my brain  
> Stay so I feel safe
> 
> You are sweet as a honey bee  
> Won't you say that we'll be fine"

Peridot woke up on her side, with Amethyst pressed up against her back and holding her. The older girl was fast asleep. Somewhere in the room, a phone was playing an upbeat indie song — Amethyst’s morning alarm for school. Ahh...right. They were missing more school. But it didn’t seem as important as it should have, because then Peridot looked up and saw the yellow sunlight filtering through the curtains, and felt Amethyst’s faint, gentle breath against her neck. She thought,  _ I’m going home.  _ And she forgot to worry.

In Amethyst’s warm embrace, she drifted off again, and got up when Amethyst did. Now fearless about spending money, they indulged at an iHOP before hitting the road again.

All the way back, Peridot’s leg wouldn’t stop jiggling. The hour felt like a century.

When they finally turned the last corner and Peridot half-climbed out of her seat to see her house, it looked almost exactly like they’d left it. The two Yellowtail family vehicles, the maroon van, the black Lexus, and Mrs. Bedford’s car. No one in sight. But as soon as Amethyst parked across the street, the front door to the house swung open and Vidalia appeared.

Somehow, even with a prosthetic foot, Peridot ran faster. In the middle of the street, barefoot on the cold asphalt, Vidalia grabbed Peridot and hugged her tight against her chest. Her voice was breathy and hands shaking, like she had been crying.

“I’m sorry, babygirl. You’re okay. I’ve got you.”

“I thought you were giving me away,” Peridot whispered. Her voice caught. Vidalia shook her head, but never let her go.

“I’m so sorry. This is a mess.”

From the house, the front door squeaked again before other footsteps pounded against the asphalt — Sour Cream, Onion, even Yellowtail, and he wasn’t even supposed to be home for another week. Before Peridot knew it, she was the center of the biggest group hug of her life.

Things became blurry and all-at-once. Sour Cream was fake-mad that she’d run away and hadn’t asked him along, but overjoyed that she hadn’t gotten into trouble or another car crash. Onion wouldn’t let go of her real leg. Yellowtail said she was grounded for a year and Vidalia added three years, just for scaring them, and then they all laughed it off and said it was just a misunderstanding, and Peridot had made the adult decision to fix it, so punishments were redundant. They even pulled Amethyst into the hug, and Yellowtail thanked her for protecting Peridot. Happy, teary-eyed, and helping Peridot walk with Onion still attached to her leg, the family returned to the house.

And then the door opened for them.

There were two teenage girls. Both Chinese, both skinny as rods, both with freckles across their sharp little noses. The shorter one had a half-shaved head, screws driven through her earlobes, a band-aid on her right cheek, and a black hoodie falling apart at the seams. The taller one looked younger, with a rounder face and silky black hair, and wore glasses, a pleated skirt, and a sweater. They ran down the steps onto the walkway and stared at Peridot like they’d been looking for her their whole lives. In a way, they had.

The short one with the piercings spoke first. “You’re my sister,” she said, almost like an accusation. Peridot knew it before she even asked the question.

“Daiyu?”

Her eyes widened, then narrowed again. With her face rapidly flushing red, the girl turned away and crossed her arms with a little  _ hmph.  _ Just like she would do when she was three and didn’t want to change out of her favorite shirt or stop playing with her toys.

Yup, it was Daiyu.

When Peridot spoke, the taller, younger girl’s face brightened like a lamp. She didn’t speak, just squealed and flapped her hands, then began to sign. Peridot had seen other people using sign language, but she had never taken the time to learn it herself, and now she was beginning to wish that she had. The girl looked wildly between Peridot’s scar, her prosthetic foot, and Amethyst, even reaching out a hand to touch Amethyst’s hair.

“Whoa there, bud,” Amethyst laughed breathily, gently nudging the girl’s hand away. “I know, it’s soft, but you can touch it later, a’ight?”

“Oh, Lily, no,” someone called from inside, and a stout red-headed woman trotted out. When the girl turned to look at her, the woman moved her hands in a combination of signs, to which Lily nodded. Then she turned to Amethyst and moved her fist in a circle over her heart.

“That means sorry,” Vidalia prompted. “Thanks, Bailey.”

The woman, Bailey, nodded. Her hazel eyes flicked down to Peridot and she grinned. “And you’re Peridot?”

“Y...yeah.” Awkward, Peridot shook the offered hand. “What’s wrong with my sister?”

“Which one?” Daiyu interrupted, voice dripping with sarcasm. She had sat on the porch and was cleaning her nails with a pocketknife. Bailey exhaled slowly.

“Lily — I mean, she used’ta be Luli for you, but her preschool teachers spelled it wrong and she just liked to write it that way more,” she began (her accent was distinctly from southern Illinois and Peridot was proud of herself for recognizing it), “Lily can’t hear well, and she doesn’t like to talk. But she’s mostly fine with other things. I’m her mother, by the way. She was placed with us ‘cause my son’s deaf, too; he was here yesterday. Had to go home last night, when you didn’t show. But anyway, Vidalia here helped guide me through adopting Lily, so I thought, why not be here for you?”

Peridot’s brow furrowed.  _ Here for me?  _ “For what?”

Bailey’s eyes crinkled up in a smile, and she was about to respond when the front door opened yet again.

And lo and behold, the South African biologist Dr. Nkosi appeared there, a giant grin on his dark, scarred face. As Daiyu was sitting on the porch, she was in the perfect place for Dr. Nkosi to bend down and scoop her up like a small child in his stout arms.

“Up you go, Daiyu! No need to sit there sulking,” he said cheerfully. “Oh! Hello, Peridot!”

He shifted Daiyu to one arm and waved with the other hand. Now even more confused, Peridot waved awkwardly back. Then she leaned to Vidalia and half-whispered,

“Why is the university biology professor carrying my younger sister?”

“Well, because she’s my daughter, of course!” said Nkosi, joining the group. “My wife and I always wanted to adopt. After I found what my awful colleague did — your father — I asked Mrs. Yellowtail and my friend Albus how I could help. So, they told me that your little sister needed a home, and helped us adopt!”

“Yeah, and it took, like, forever, ‘cuz I was in juvie,” Daiyu grumbled. Nkosi chuckled and ruffled what was left of her green-streaked hair.

“It’s just how it goes.”

“Wait just a second!” Peridot burst. Everyone looked at her, even Onion and Lily, who were both stroking Amethyst’s hair. Peridot lowered her voice, suddenly self-conscious. “I…ah…Dr. Nkosi. Would your first name happen to be Silas?”

“Not random at all,” Daiyu muttered. Dr. Nkosi told her to be nice.

“Yes, why?” he asked.

Peridot stared, incredulous, at him for a second. Then she groaned. “Well, now I feel really stupid,” she said, which was a gross understatement. She wanted to melt into the ground. “I overheard Vidalia talking to you last week. I thought  _ you  _ were adopting me — I mean, not really you, I just knew it was someone named Silas who lived far away. I got scared that I wouldn’t see Amethyst or any of my other friends again. That’s why I ran.”

“We don’t live  _ that  _ far from here, it’s just up by that fuckin’, uh, school place so Dad can go to work,” Daiyu sniffed. Everyone ignored her except her new dad.

“Daiyu, what do we say about swearing in public?”

For the first time, Daiyu’s scowl softened. “It’s like farting.”

“Why?”

“Only let it out at home or with friends.”

“Good, thank you.”

In different circumstances, Peridot may have found the exchange humorous, but instead, she felt like a weight in her gut was pulling her to the ground. So that was it. Her sisters were taken, in homes where they were loved and cared for. She was the last one left. And in less than a year now, she would age out of the system. Adoption wasn’t going to happen for her, she realized, and it was so weird because she didn’t know what to think about it. On one hand, it was amazing, since it meant that she could stay with the Yellowtails longer, and she wouldn’t have to leave Amethyst.

But it felt empty. There was still something missing. She looked at Dr. Nkosi holding up Daiyu and Bailey signing to Lily and it felt so, so cold.

“So that’s it. I’m the last one left,” Peridot murmured. “They’ve both been adopted. But not me.”

Vidalia’s and Yellowtail’s eyes went wide, and they exchanged glances. Sour Cream looked at the sidewalk. Even Amethyst didn’t seem to know what to say, and could only reach out and clutch her hand. Despite the cool morning breeze, the awkwardness was hot and stifling.

“Actually — !” Bailey leaned in, smiling widely, but Vidalia gently elbowed her and Bailey got the message. She stepped back, her eyes also wide.

“You guys can go inside,” Vidalia told the crowd. “Everyone except our family. Amethyst, you go too.”

“I have no idea what’s going on,” Amethyst whispered rather loudly. But she still followed everyone in, leaving Peridot alone with Vidalia, Yellowtail, Sour Cream, and Onion. They sat by the front door, with Sour Cream and Onion cross-legged on the sidewalk, and Peridot sandwiched between her foster parents on the front step. A breeze swept through and Peridot shivered, so Sour Cream took off his hoodie and Vidalia draped it over Peridot’s shoulders like a blanket. 

“Okay. Talk to us, Dot,” said Vidalia. 

“Yeah, I’m a little confused,” Sour Cream put in. “Like, why’d you run if you thought it was so bad to be adopted? Other than losing all your friends. ‘Cuz I get that. That sucks.”

Peridot sighed and rubbed her eyes under her glasses. “I don’t  _ know, _ ” she admitted. “I’m just as confused as any of you. It’s not that I’d rather be in foster care; I HATE it! Every time I move out of one foster family and into a new one, it’s like I have to become a whole different person. There’s so much I have to worry about, all the time. Everything changes so fast in foster care, and I never have any control over it.

“But here — it’s not like that at all!” The confession kept spilling, her voice growing higher and more agitated until Onion hugged her leg again. She exhaled slowly, recomposing herself.

“This might just be the only family where I can look at you guys and think, ‘I  _ want  _ to be here.’ And not just you, I love this town, I’ve never felt more at home. I haven’t had friends like these before, like Amethyst and Buck and Jenny and you, Sour Cream, and I’ve never had a dad who takes me  _ fishing  _ before! And Vidalia, you dropped everything to help me deal with Malachite. I don’t want to be in foster care anymore. But I don’t want to give this up either.”

“You don’t have to.”

That was Sour Cream, standing up. “Mom, Dad, you get it, right? We can tell her. She’ll be cool with it. It’s okay.” 

Yellowtail said something along the lines of “He’s right” (Peridot was still, by no means, fluent in Yellowtail). Onion beamed and hopped onto the front step, tugging at Vidalia’s sleeve. “Alright, alright,” said Vidalia, her mouth twitching up in a smile. “But we already talked about this. We can’t be the ones to tell her, okay?” 

Yellowtail and Onion made little noises of affirmation and Sour Cream nodded. “Right.”

By this point, Peridot had made the full 180-degree turn from melancholy to flat-out-kinda-pissed confused. “I don’t believe I’m at all aware as to  _ whatever the heck you’re talking about _ .”

Her eyes wide — maybe in anticipation, Peridot wasn’t sure — Vidalia helped Peridot up and put her hands on her shoulders. 

“Peri,” she said, making sure to meet Peridot’s eyes. “We didn’t just want you here to see your sisters go to good homes. They’re already settled. The surprise was for  _ you _ . But we can’t say it yet; there’s someone inside who wanted to tell you first.”

“Mrs. Bedford?”

“Well, she worked pretty hard to get this all together, but no…”

Peridot frowned. “Okay, exactly how many people are inside my house right now?”

Eager, Onion did some counting on his fingers, then offered “Mih mah!” — seven. So Daiyu and Dr. Nkosi, Lily and Bailey, Mrs. Bedford and Amethyst...and one more.

Vidalia’s lips were pressed together, like she was debating something. Then she exhaled, long and slow. 

“Okay, just don’t freak out,” she said. “It’s your bio-mom.”

Peridot’s stomach twisted in a knot. Then, she composed herself well enough to raise her eyebrows and say, “Don’t freak out, you say, before telling me something that is basically guaranteed to freak me out.”

Yellowtail, frowning, said something that amounted to “I told you so.” Vidalia sighed. 

“I know, I know. Peri, I’m sorry. But we need you to talk to her. She really, really wants to be the one to tell you this.” 

“I don’t even know what ‘this’ is,” said Peridot, the knot still tight in her gut. “I’m scared.” She was shaking from just worrying what it could be, and Vidalia hugged her tight. Yellowtail joined, then Sour Cream, and Onion still clutched her leg. Once again she was surrounded in people who loved her. 

“I know you are,” Vidalia murmured. “But this is gonna be a good thing. It won’t be like with your bio-dad. I promise you.”

Her racing heart slowed — just a little. When her foster family drew back, she sighed and rubbed her eyes. 

“Okay,” she relented. “But if I cry, you owe me. All of you.”

“ _ Deal.” _

They went in. 

The other guests were waiting in the living room, talking amongst themselves. The lively Dr. Nkosi and Bailey were engaged in a discussion about a coordinated trip to Six Flags with their girls. The said girls had Amethyst in the center of attention — while Lily wove her hair into a complex fishtail braid, Daiyu listened eagerly as Amethyst told a wrestling story. When Peridot and the Yellowtails walked in, everyone looked up and the conversation died. 

Mrs. Bedford appeared in the kitchen door and regarded Peridot, her expression tired yet unreadable. She was wearing her signature cranberry suit, but it was slightly rumpled, and her cloudlike bun of hair seemed crooked. She wasn’t smiling. 

“Peridot, we need to talk. Your foster family already knows this,” she said. She always spoke very carefully, as if she weighed each word before she said it, but for some reason she seemed more careful now. “You can go back to what you were doing,” Mrs. Bedford added, addressing the wide-eyed bystanders. 

She pulled Peridot into the kitchen, which was empty. 

“They told me my mom’s here,” said Peridot. Mrs. Bedford helped her to the kitchen table and took the seat next to her. 

“Well...yes. Your bio-mom. But...listen. There’s something you need to understand.”

Peridot bit her lip. Mrs. Bedford kept talking, her kind dark eyes never wavering. 

“Lin is dying,” she said solemnly. “Twelve years ago, it was thought that she could recover from her addictions, and you would be back in her care in less than a year. But normal detox didn’t work. Your birth mother is suffering from a very severe case of post-acute withdrawal syndrome...meaning that her withdrawal symptoms, specifically to meth, don’t go away. Every time we think she’s getting better, she convinces us to leave her alone, and then she finds more meth and becomes addicted again. She’s in the middle of her third detox program.

“We don’t know how long she has left. With a lot of luck, she may be able to survive, learn to cope with her withdrawals, and live a long life. But by this point, there is a very high chance that she won’t. Lin knows she’s an addict, and she’s become so hopeless that she won’t stop herself. She’s in constant pain. She’s going to die. That’s why we struck down reunification.”

By the end of it, Peridot couldn’t meet Mrs. Bedford’s gaze. She didn’t know what to feel, what to think. It was like her case worker had told her that a total stranger was a hopeless meth addict, driving herself to suicide. 

“Well, that’s not really my problem, is it?” asked Peridot. She had meant to make it as scathing as possible, but somehow it couldn’t come out like that.

Mrs. Bedford reached across the space and took Peridot’s hands. 

“I know you’re still angry with Lin. You have every right to be,” she said. “But she knows what she did just as well as you do. She knows this could be the last time she ever sees you. She wants to talk — not to fight. Please don’t turn it into a fight.”

She didn’t know that she wouldn’t. She still didn’t know what to think. But she said she wouldn’t. Mrs. Bedford helped her up, led her to the back door, and motioned her outside onto the back porch. 

A hunched woman sat on the rickety porch swing, staring blankly out at the small yard, knobby hands clutching a battered purse. One look at her and you could tell she didn’t have long to live — her small eyes sank into her pallid, sore-spotted face; she trembled with each breath; her skeletal body drowned in a misfitting brown dress. Her stringy black hair was pulled back in a ponytail, likely to hide the bald patches on the sides of her head. When Peridot drew forward, the porch creaked heavily under her prosthetic, and the woman whirled around. She fumbled to push her glasses up her nose, and then stared. 

“Peridot,” said Lin, tripping on the new word. Her voice was low and hoarse. A far cry from the shrieks that Peridot remembered.

Her hands shaking almost as much as Lin’s, Peridot walked across the porch and leaned against the wooden railing, facing the yard. Not that she was interested in looking at the yard — she just didn’t care to look at her mother. But she knew Lin was still watching her. She could almost feel her gaze on her back, taking in her bleached hair, her gay pride bracelet, her prosthetic leg. 

“Your leg,” Lin mumbled. Of course. Who  _ didn’t  _ notice it. “Did I do that?”

“No.”

“When...did you…”

“A different car accident. Not yours.”

Lin’s English was stilted at best, and it took her a few tries to construct the next sentence. “I’m sorry. I know. Tara told me. I forgot. I don’t remember, what happened after this — after that. The accident.”

“Of course you don’t,” Peridot said, struggling over the lump in her throat. “You were high.” She was surprised that Lin had even remembered crashing her car, much less the fact that her daughters had been in it. She had been so far gone that she’d barely reacted as Social Services took Peridot, Daiyu, and Lily away.

There was a silence, and then Lin asked softly, “Were you hurt? After my crash?”

Peridot shook her head. 

“Luli was. She can’t hear,” said Lin, “I did it to her.”

“You did a lot to her.” Peridot’s chest hurt, and almost against her will she turned around and met her mother’s eyes. “You ruined our lives. You stuck with Dad because you wanted money and sex, you  _ knew  _ he was literally starving us. But you didn’t care.”

“I didn’t,” said Lin flatly. Now she was staring into the middle distance, unblinking. Peridot felt her fists curl up. 

“That’s right. You  _ didn’t.  _ All you cared about was having  _ fun,  _ gambling and doing drugs and sleeping with strangers, and — and — and ignoring us. We went through HELL because of you and Dad. I’ve gone through six families, and  _ every time without fail,  _ I’ve gone under their roofs fearing for my life. Daiyu was in juvenile hall because of you. That’s PRISON, Mom. She and Lily are probably as addicted to meth as you are, because you didn’t want to put it down when you were pregnant with them. Yeah, no  _ shit,  _ we’re hurt, but it’s not from that crash.”

The anger spilled, and at first it was as satisfying as punching her dad — but after Lin looked down, it began to feel like kicking a wounded animal. Lin blinked quickly, flinching whenever Peridot raised her voice. But she didn’t fight it. 

It was draining. As she finished speaking and watched her mother’s face, the anger became emptier. Her voice was too shaky. 

Finally Peridot admitted, “I don’t know if I can forgive you for that.”

Lin dropped her head, and at first Peridot thought she was crying. Then she began to move her hands rapidly, and she realized Lin was  _ scratching  _ — tearing at her own face and forearms, itching at the small band-aids on her sores. Scratching at hallucinations. Peridot remembered. Her first social worker had explained, even though at six years old, Peridot hadn’t understood. The hallucinations were like bugs, running across Lin’s skin. She knew as well as anyone that they weren’t real, but she’d just keep scratching. Opening up old sores.

Uncomfortable, Peridot glanced to the screen door, where Mrs. Bedford stood silently. But the social worker just nodded. When Peridot jerked her head towards Lin, Mrs. Bedford replied with a “stay, wait” motion with her hand. So Peridot did, and tried not to scratch herself. Just watching her mother made her itchy.

Finally, Lin stopped scratching, and pulled a crumpled paper napkin out of her purse to dab at the sores. She was shaking even worse now, and wrapped her faded cardigan tighter around her bony shoulders. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” she mumbled. She itched her cheek and then clenched her fists. 

Peridot still said nothing. Now, Lin couldn’t meet her eyes.

“I’m s — sorry…”

“I meant what I said. I can’t forgive you.”

Lin breathed hard and fast, almost gasping. Then she jerked her head. 

“I know. I know. I’m sorry,” she stammered. “I shouldn’t ask for that — for you to forgive. But I want to say sorry. For both of us. I know you are still angry. I just — just wanted you to know. That it’s okay. It’s okay for you to be angry. I did terrible things. I abused you. But I want you to not — not have to be burdened by it. I thought it would help if I say sorry.”

If Peridot had any excess anger, it had left. The sincerity bordered on self-pity, but it was  _ sincere.  _ Even if she didn’t understand. 

“W...hat?”

With effort, Lin looked up. One of her sores was bleeding, and it was disgusting, but Peridot didn’t say anything. Just stared right back. 

“I’m sorry,” whispered Lin. She spoke very slowly, trying to pick the right words. “I want you to forgive me, but I know I don’t deserve it. If it hurts you to forgive me, I don’t want to hurt you any more. Forget me. I would be happier than I ever was.”

Behind her scratched glasses, Lin’s eyes glistened with tears. But Peridot didn’t know what to feel. She just looked at Lin’s hands, trembling, yellowing, spiderwebbed with blue veins. Different from the hands she remembered — pale, thin, tipped with flawless nails. 

Then Peridot sat down next to her birth mother, on the other end of the porch swing. 

“Is that what you wanted to tell me?” she asked evenly. Maybe coldly. But if Lin noticed, she didn’t point it out. She shook her head. 

“I just wanted to know. If you were okay.”

“That’s new.”

It took Lin an extra moment to process Peridot’s terse response — which was an extra moment when Peridot feared she had crossed a line. Then, Lin’s mouth pressed into a dry smile. “A first for everything.”

Peridot’s eyes widened. Now it was her turn to process the reply — almost a joke. So she rubbed the back of her neck and shrugged. “Okay.”

“You’re happy here. With this family.”

“Yeah.” Peridot didn’t have anything to do with her hands, and felt awkward about it, so she began fiddling with her watch. But when she looked over, she realized Lin had a watch too, and was doing the same. Their gazes met and both of them stopped, now even more awkward. 

“They’ve been kinder to me than most of my foster families,” said Peridot to fill the silence. “When I had the accident, they paid almost entirely out of pocket for my amputation. I…can’t express how grateful I am to them.”

“So you ran away from adoption. Because you didn’t want to leave them.”

“Well...yes, but there’s more. I have a — a friend, and we’ve known each other since the Yellowtails took me in. We just had a fight, and we made up yesterday. I didn’t want to leave her.”

“Amethyst?”

Peridot stopped when Lin said the name, though she didn’t pronounce it quite right — like  _ Ama-tis _ . “Amethyst,” she repeated, correcting the pronunciation. “Yes. And her family’s like, like a second foster family to mine. She’s the best — friend I’ve ever known.”

“Is that your girlfriend?”

Another double take. Then Peridot sighed in resignation and nodded. Guess Mrs. Bedford had already filled her in. 

“That’s...that’s wonderful. I’m — ” 

Lin’s face had split into a smile, just a flash of one before she hesitated, as if remembering something she shouldn’t say. Peridot braced herself for anything negative, then asked, “What?”

Scratching her cheek, Lin looked down again. “I want to say, I’m proud of you. I’m sorry. I don’t know how to say it right. Forget what I said.”

She fell quiet, now itching her forearm. A request, unspoken, lingered in the air — a request to be honest and open with her daughter. Except that words had failed her. So Peridot sighed. 

“I still know a little Mandarin,” she said in her mother’s native tongue. Just like Lin with English, Peridot fumbled with the pronunciation, but Lin didn’t seem to care. For the first time that Peridot could remember, her eyes brightened — and she laughed.

“Thank you…”

To Peridot’s surprise, as the language barrier dissolved, Lin’s first questions were about Amethyst. How old was she, what was she like, how long had they been together, how had she helped Peridot in adjusting to the new town and new family. Peridot told her that Amethyst was inside, she could probably meet her later. Lin just had more questions. She was absolutely bursting with them, all revolving around Peridot and the things she liked, as if trying to make up for seventeen years of lost time. All she knew about Peridot was what Vidalia, Mrs. Bedford, and Dr. Nkosi had told her. She asked what made Peridot happy, and as Peridot found herself rambling about Amethyst and  _ Camp Pining Hearts  _ and the synthetic cell project and her freelance job in computer help, she realized that her mother was  _ listening _ . That she  _ wanted  _ to know. And for a time, Peridot forgot the mother she remembered, the mother who would stumble into the apartment at four in the morning, if at all. She still scratched at hallucinations, and still moved like an injured bird. 

But she was here — and even if it was just for now, she was trying to be better. 

“I’m so glad you’re happy here,” said Lin, at least four times. This last time, she sat facing Peridot, holding both of Peridot’s hands. She drew comfort from having hands to hold — like Peridot did. “It’s just — so beautiful to know. You have a future. You’re not…doomed to become some old, homeless slut like me. It sounds strange, but that’s the best news I’ve heard in my whole life.”

Peridot looked down at her shoes. “It’s not guaranteed. I still haven’t decided where I’m going to college.”

“I talked with Silas. He said if you applied to Northern, you could easily get a good scholarship.”

“Northern kind of sucks. And I still have to get good grades in high school.”

“But your grades are so good already…?”

“They’re not perfect.”

“Nothing’s ever perfect.”

Peridot sighed. “I know. But something bad could still happen.”

“You’re much further along than I was at your age, Peridot. You’re not going to fail. You can very easily graduate. You already have an advantage.”

“What — why didn’t you graduate?” 

Lin inhaled slowly. “I was pregnant. With you.”

Despite herself, Peridot gaped. The math wasn’t hard to do, but suddenly she hoped that she was wrong. She had never thought to ask how old her mother was — when Peridot was a child, everyone seemed old. It wasn’t like she was in peak health now, either. From the court hearings, she knew her father was in his late forties, putting him around thirty when he got Lin pregnant; it just made  _ sense  _ to think that Lin had been an adult as well…

“I’m sorry,” slipped out of Peridot’s mouth. She really didn’t know why she said it. Lin shook her head. 

“It’s not your fault. I made a lot of terrible decisions.”

Peridot was trembling, and her fingers were numb. “Well,  _ yeah,  _ I get that, but —  _ what the fuck? _ ” She couldn’t remember how to say “what the fuck” in Mandarin, so she said it in English before switching back. Her voice shot up to almost a shriek. “How — how old were you? Oh my god.  _ What the fuck —  _ how old was Dad? No — no. Don’t even tell me. I don’t want to know that.”

“Peridot, it happened a long time ago, you don’t have to get worked up — ”

“Yeah, but I’m  _ going  _ to.” The rage was back in full force, but it wasn’t against Lin. “I broke his nose the last time I saw him. Next time, I’ll kill him.”

She meant it too. Or at least, she felt like she could mean it. Again, for a split second, Peridot was afraid she had overstepped her bounds, as Lin’s eyes went wide. Then, she smiled, and laughed bitterly.

“You — broke his nose?”

“He locked me in a closet and asked me to work for him again. So I punched him,” said Peridot, miffed. “I got fined seven hundred dollars from my reimbursement. But I’d do it again in a heartbeat — maybe I’d go for the balls this time.”

Lin had her hand over her mouth, but her eyes crinkled up in a smile. “You’d do that for me?”

“I’d do that for us. Because that’s — ” Again, Peridot couldn’t come up with a strong enough phrase in Mandarin, so she switched back to English. “That’s  _ fucked up _ .”

Lin jerked her head, and she scratched under her eye. Then, bitterly, she laughed. “That’s all I could ask for. That you know better than I did,” she told Peridot. “I only followed your father because I hated my family. I didn’t want to listen when they told me to stop seeing him, and I ran away. When I realized that what happened to me was wrong, I was so, so scared — that you would turn out like me. I thought, ‘If someone wants to take advantage of Peridot, I can’t stop them. Nobody will teach her to say no.’”

Peridot swallowed, tasting bitterness on her tongue. “Vidalia told me. And Amethyst, and...some of my friends.”

“They did?”

She nodded. “I...kinda learned the hard way sometimes. Last week, some girl from school tried to kiss me, she tried to make me cheat on Amethyst, and I blamed myself for it. So Vidalia took me to her house with a shotgun and made her apologize.”

Lin’s face went from concerned to a blend of shock and amusement. “A  _ shotgun?” _

“Okay,” Peridot amended, “the shotgun wasn’t all just because that girl kissed me. So — her name’s Malachite — she tried to hurt Amethyst at a party once. And Vidalia knows Amethyst really well, so she never forgave Malachite. So she was twice as mad. Which is why she brought the shotgun.”

That, and the thing that made her okay mood sink again.  _ No one messes with my kids,  _ Vidalia had said. Did Vidalia really think of her as one of her kids? Did she not know that if Peridot wasn’t adopted, she’d age out of the system in less than a year, and she would have to leave the Yellowtails forever? Of course she did, and that’s why it hurt so much. It was just like Amethyst, just like Peridot’s own fear of change — what was the point of loving someone if you couldn’t stay?

She tried not to express that anything was wrong; it wasn’t like her mother could do anything about it. But she should have known it would be obvious. Lin frowned. 

“You look sad.”

“It’s nothing.”

“Did Vidalia do something?”

Peridot sighed and hugged herself. “No. It just feels wrong. I told them — I told the Yellowtails this, but...I love them, and I know they love me, and I’ve always felt at home here, but I just want to be adopted  _ so bad.  _ I mean, no, I don’t want to be adopted, I just want to be able to call this place home. Not a foster home. I want the Yellowtails to adopt me. Even though I know they can’t.”

“Why not?”

She shrugged. “Not enough money. If they adopt me, sure, they’ll have the adoption subsidies from the state, but they couldn’t put me through college, and the state would stop paying for my healthcare. And stars know I need a lot of that.”

When she looked back at Lin, it wasn’t as if she had expected anything in particular — but whatever she had expected, it wasn’t the faint, yet genuine smile on Lin’s face.

“What?”

Still smiling, Lin squeezed Peridot’s hands and leaned closer, as if to tell her a secret. “What would you say,” she whispered, “if I told you the Yellowtails have been saving a little money every month — cutting back on things here and there, doing extra odd jobs — and putting them in the bank? Under an account with your name on it?”

“Well, I would think that’s very nice of them — ”

Peridot started with the typical, polite response, not thinking too much of Lin’s question. But halfway through, it hit her. A connection so obvious it should have been too good to be true. When she realized she’d missed it, she clapped her hand over her mouth.

“You’re not saying…”

Lin beamed. “That’s why I came here. I wanted to tell you that the Yellowtails are adopting you.”

Even though Peridot had been hoping for it, the news took a second to sink in. Then, the emotions came in a wave, too fast to process, too much to describe. Her eyes prickled with tears and she laughed, and she cried, and she stared at her bio-mom.

_ This can’t be real. This HAS to be real. This — this is unbelievable. _

“You’re kidding!” she said, breathless. “Say it again. I don’t believe you.”

“The Yellowtails are adopting you!”

“In English! Say it in English!”

Laughing, Lin did. She had clearly been practicing it — her accent was flawless, and her eyes shone. Peridot hugged her. She didn’t mean to; any earlier in the conversation, and she wouldn’t have done it at all. But now, the joy bubbled over, and she hugged her bio-mom tight before racing inside, past Mrs. Bedford, into the living room where everyone was waiting for her, and her new family had just enough time to look up in surprise before Peridot vaulted over the coffee table with agility that should have been impossible for someone with only one leg.

She landed on Vidalia and Yellowtail and hugged them clumsily. After a surprised second, they hugged back. Vidalia ruffled her hair; Yellowtail put his hat on her head. Sour Cream threw some glow sticks that he always kept around before special occasions — he must have known, this must have been planned — and Onion climbed into her lap. They were laughing, and Peridot was laughing, and everyone was staring but it was okay. It was gonna be okay. No, it would be better than okay. 

She met Amethyst’s gaze from across the room. Amethyst had her hands over her mouth, but her hair was tucked into a braid and her eyes were smiling. She stood next to Lin, and said something that made Lin smile. Lily flapped her hands, and Daiyu gave Peridot a thumbs up. Vidalia kissed her forehead. 

And for the first time in a very long time, Peridot wasn’t scared. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AHHHHHH IM SO FUCKING SORRY no im not 
> 
> this will PROBABLY be the longest hiatus since the one after cheap thrills i'll have to check that math but y e a h life got in the way and my computer fucking died, and i still dont have my piece for amedotzine which i feel terrible about but
> 
> anyway this is here. the end of petri dish as we know it. DOESNT MEAN ITS OVER I HAVE AN EPILOGUE (maybe) but who knows when thats coming lmao. PLUS THE PETRI DISH SEQUEL ONESHOT SERIES WHATEVER THE FUCK ITS CALLED
> 
> anywayyyyyyyyyyyyyyy i dont care about this fuckin an
> 
> BTW IF ANYONE WANTS TO KNOW: THE CONVERSATION THAT HAPPENED IN CHAPTER 29 IS HERE. i scripted it out v ery carefully. like everything i do (not really)
> 
> http://freetexthost.com/i30z5tnq6a
> 
> anyway review, motherfuckers


	34. I Lived (Epilogue)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> \- I Lived — OneRepublic -
> 
> "I did it all  
> I owned every second that this world could give  
> I saw so many places  
> The things that I did  
> Yeah, with every broken bone  
> I swear I lived"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> happy amedot day

**Six years later**

“Amethyst.”

“Mmm.”

“Aaaaamethyst.”

“Mmmmmmmmmm.”

“Amethyst. Seriously, wake up. We gotta get ready.”

Amethyst lifted her head from the pillow, her neck protesting the strange position. She’d fallen asleep on her stomach again — likely while working through paperwork, since it was the last thing she remembered. The digital clock read 10:57 — eight hours of sleep. Nice. Someone had put a blanket over her and placed her files on the bedside table.

That someone was Peridot, who pressed close to her side and slipped her arm around Amethyst. “Heeeyyy. Wake up.”

“Ugh.” Amethyst pulled the blankets tighter around herself and Peridot. “Too early.”

“Well, I plan to make it out of Chicago before next year.”

“I’m gonna fart on you.”

“That’s fair.”

Ten seconds passed. Then Peridot let go.

“Amethyst, I’ve smelled a lot of your farts, and that one is by far in the top three most vile.”

“Thanks. It was actually two.”

“I’m gonna have an asthma attack.”

“Silent but deadly.”

The queen-sized bed creaked as Peridot climbed out, and a prosthetic leg clicked as she put it on and started walking around the room. A minute later, a toilet flushed; drawers began opening and closing and clothes rustled.

“I’m wearing the proposal suit,” Peridot called. “You know, the one I wore when my research proposal was accepted? Should I wear a bowtie, or go more casual?”

“Dude.” Groaning, Amethyst pushed up onto her hands and knees and stretched like a cat. Ugh, sleeping on her stomach was fun but not great in the long-term. “It’s a Christmas party. Isn’t a suit, like, overdoing it?”

“Jeans and a bowtie then.”

“Do whatever, man. Doesn’t matter.”

“Hey. Don’t ‘doesn’t matter’ me, missy. You’re the one who takes a half hour doing your makeup before taking out the trash.”

“What can I say, I gotta glam.”

“Well, get glamming soon! We leave in an hour. Even if you haven’t eaten breakfast yet.”

That got Amethyst up.

She threw on leggings and a thick, drooping purple sweater before dashing to the tiny minimalist bathroom, where she squeezed next to Peridot at the single sink. She was unenthusiastically dabbing anti-acne cream on her face — the only makeup she ever wore. She didn’t even look down as Amethyst opened the cabinet and dumped her bulging sequined makeup bag onto the countertop.

“You want me to do your eyeliner, babe?”

“No thank you. Oh, did you have any breakfast requests?”

“Food.”

“Helpful. I’ll make breakfast sandwiches. You take your time.”

Finished with her cream, Peridot stood straight, made sure her little green bowtie was even, and barely scowled when Amethyst pressed a clumsy kiss to her cheek. Then she left.

Twenty minutes later, Amethyst was mostly ready, except for her necklace — a genuine peridot stone, carved in a triangle and set into sterling silver. Peridot’s fifth anniversary gift to her. Amethyst had gotten Peridot a matching round amethyst pendant. The original reasoning had been that these necklaces were more permanent than the cheap plastic ones they’d won all those years before at the arcade. The reality was, Peridot took them for a welding project and Amethyst had yet to see heads or tails of them...though Peridot promised that the finished project would blow her away. “Well, I hope it can fit in our apartment,” Amethyst had told her. She’d never gotten an answer to that.

Clipping the real peridot necklace around her neck, Amethyst smiled at the memory and her reflection in the small circle mirror. On the battered dresser, surrounding the mirror, sat a dozen photos in frames. One showed a baby wrapped in lavender blankets, held by a young woman with pink-tipped curls, as teenage versions of Pearl and Garnet looked on in frozen awe. The timestamp read August 5, 1999. The photo to the right of it was new, the surface still glossy and smooth. Taken five years and ten months ago, February 20, 2017. Peridot stood with Vidalia, Yellowtail, Sour Cream, and Onion, grinning bright enough to light up the world. She held a sign, decorated with alien stickers and stars: _After 4,086 days in foster care, today I have been adopted!_

There were others. One was a candid taken by Garnet, with Amethyst and Peridot hunched over homework at the Rosewood kitchen table. Peridot’s hair had been black then. Before they had started dating. There was a mirror selfie of Amethyst and Peridot, both in their _Eli and the Weirdos_ cosplays, Amethyst hugging Peridot tightly. A prom picture, too: Amethyst in a glittering purple dress; Peridot in a dark green tuxedo.

Her favorite photo had fallen over, and Amethyst put it back up — not for the first time wondering who’d taken it. It wasn’t a pretty picture. The lighting was dim and murky, taken when most of the lights in the hospital room had been turned off; Amethyst and Peridot slumped against each other in the same hospital bed, fast asleep. There was an IV and Peridot’s bandaged stump stuck out the end of the sheets. Amethyst was drooling. But then there was Peridot’s hand, resting over Amethyst’s. The way Amethyst had nestled her head next to Peridot’s. It was peaceful. It felt right.

Behind it was a corkboard, pinned with all sorts of reminders, stickers, a single newspaper clipping. _Teen Hero Risks Life For Friend; Uncovers Local Gang._

_At 11 PM on December 31, 2015, local 15-year-old Peridot Sun was at her foster parents’ house when she received a panicked call. Her anonymous friend, 16, needed help getting home from a party. Further details have been withheld at the request of the 16-year-old’s guardians._

_Sun asked the help of NIU student Alexandrite Ajuha, 18. Upon arriving at the party, Ajuha defended Sun from gang member Malachite Lazuli, 17._

_Lazuli has been missing since the incident._

_Sun retrieved her friend and began to drive, despite being unlicensed. She drove safely for two miles until Ray Pendleton, 49, collided head-on with the car. Pendleton had a BAC of .09 and is currently being detained for driving under the influence._

_Pendleton’s truck tore off the driver’s side of Sun’s vehicle, forcing it into a ditch. Sun was knocked unconscious, and her left foot and hand crushed. Pendleton fled the scene uninjured. A bystander noted his license plate and called both the authorities and the paramedics, and Sun and her friend were immediately admitted into Beach City Hospital._

_When regaining consciousness, Sun reported the location of the party and names of the gang members. She and her friend are in stable condition, staying temporarily at Beach City Hospital._

_“I wasn’t really thinking about it,” Sun told Beach City News. “All I knew is that my girlfriend was in danger, and I was the only one who could do something about it.”_

_Sun and her guardians are discussing the options for her health. With the severity of her injuries, she will need her left foot amputated._

_“It’s not gonna be fun,” she laughed, even as the nurses prepared her shattered foot for amputation. “But today I found that [my friend] woke up, and she’s okay. So it’s worth it.”_

The news article was worn around the edges and along lines where it had been folded into corners, tucked into Amethyst’s wallet for two years. Peridot didn’t like it because she thought it made her sound sappy and fake-humble, despite the fact that she had been really, truly humble at the time. But Amethyst kept it.

Through the hallways, past the bedroom door, a wonderful smell wafted into the room. Excited, Amethyst followed it. The source was the food on the stove, which Peridot moved and flipped occasionally. Silently Amethyst sneaked up behind Peridot and slipped her arms around her waist, head resting on Peridot’s shoulder. She just kept flipping the breakfast — fried egg, mayo, and cheese sandwich, Amethyst’s favorite.

“I still can’t believe you consider mayo a breakfast food,” Peridot deadpanned.

Amethyst blew a raspberry onto her neck. “I can’t believe you don’t like mayo at all.”

“I almost wanna divorce you.”

“We’re not even married.”

“I’ll marry you and then divorce you on the grounds that you like mayo on your breakfast sandwiches.”

The toast was now dark brown, just as Amethyst liked it. With practiced dexterity, Peridot flipped it onto a plate, turned off the stove, and pulled two untoasted slices of bread out of the bag for herself.

“I like the marrying part,” said Amethyst, sitting at their dinner table for two. “We’re practically married already.”

Peridot nodded in agreement, walking over with a cup of tea and a mug of coffee. The coffee was for her; the tea was for Amethyst. Once seated, Peridot sipped her coffee and drizzled honey on her bread. “But are we financially stable, that’s the question.”

Amethyst shrugged, took a huge bite of her sandwich, savored it, and gulped it down. “Does it matter?”

“Likely so,” Peridot replied. “Everything does. I do believe that if we get married, we’re legally separate from our parents and can get more financial aid.”

“You’ve got a full ride, dude. And I’m done.”

“Oh. Yeah. Forgot about that. Plus, your job. I’m not surprised that adoption centers don’t pay well but you’re actually not doing so shabby.”

Amethyst grinned. “Exactly! And it’s not like we’d be having kids.”

“Because lesbians.”

“I was thinking, like, more along the lines of ‘I still feel like a kid’ but that too.”

“Agreed. Well, if money’s no problem, all we need is someone to officiate the marriage and then anything else is creative liberty. I’m pretty sure you need a judge. Or an ordained minister.”

“Miss Z was a lawyer. Yanno, Steven’s weird history teacher, real long nose, yells a lot, always looks like she stepped out of the 1700’s…”

“No. I like her but that’d be awkward. I’m pretty sure it needs to be a judge too. But it doesn’t have to be someone we know; you can just get a random judge.”

“True. What about the ceremony?”

“What about it?”

“What you’d want it to be like. Where it’d be, how many people, what you’d wear. Be honest.”

“Oh. Um, I’ll think about it. You first.”

“No, you. Cuz then you’ll change your answer to agree with mine, because I know mine isn’t yours. I could probably predict what you want.”

“Humor me.”

Amethyst stroked her chin pensively. “Small reception,” she said. “Only immediate family and close friends. For you, that’d be your family and maaaaaybe Daiyu and Lily if you’re especially extroverted. For me, that’d be Garnet, Ruby, Sapphire, Pearl, Steven, and Greg. Between us, probably the Cool Kids, Jasper, maybe possibly Lazuli, Malachite, and Alexandrite — but we’d have to sit them on the opposite side of the room from Jasper.”

“Wise choice.”

“The ceremony would be in the local courthouse and the reception would be in a little private-rented room at the one Italian restaurant downtown. All dancing would take place in the privacy of our bedroom and in the form of romantic but heated marathon sex.”

“Pfft. Yeah.”

“Nice clothes, but no big wedding gowns. You’d be in a suit, not necessarily a tux. You’d probably still wear your hair spiked up. For me, you’d want something feminine but more mature and modest than my prom dress. Less sparkles. More matte colors. Probably no floofy skirt. Definitely purple.”

“I’d recommend it. Wouldn’t force it.”

“No rings. We both lose ‘em too easy.”

“Incorrect. I like the idea of symbolic rings. I’d probably wear mine on my necklace.”

“Oh. Right. Hey, remember what I wanted instead of rings?”

“Either matching nipple piercings or a tattoo of my name on your butt.”

“Joking about the nipple piercings. And I wanted your name on the back of my neck. If I got it on my butt, I might get fatter and it’d just get all stretched out.”

“Right.”

“So I guess we’re switching now. What do _you_ think I’d want our wedding to be?”

“Oh gosh. I haven’t the slightest. Well, it’d likely be bigger than mine.”

“Getting warmer.”

“You would invite everyone you knew. Even teachers. Probably send an invitation to Miss Diamond as a nonverbal ‘fuck you’.”

“Yup. I think I mentioned that.”

“You did. It’d be in the summer and probably outdoors, or in a fancy hotel with a balcony. You’d go absolutely nuts with the decorations; probably hire a wedding designer and drive her insane. Glitter everywhere would be a must, but your dress code would include combat boots and tattoo chokers.”

“Heh. Yeah. What about our clothes?”

“You’d want me in a tux. Full tux, hair slicked back, just so you could mess it up later. You’d go very full with your dress. Huge poofy skirt, sleeveless and with a heart-shaped bodice. Crazy makeup. I’m not sure if you would go for traditional white because that’s what they’ve mostly got at the dress-fitting stores, meaning you have more options, or if you would want it purple.”

“Not sure either. Remember what I said about cake?”

“Of course. ‘If it’s not bigger than me, the baker has failed.’”

“You know me well.”

They had both finished their breakfasts by now, and sat sipping their drinks. Peridot was idly stacking sugar cubes, though they never went in her coffee. She liked it black.

“But your wedding is practical,” said Amethyst. “Mine’s a dream wedding. I think I’ve been designing it since I was, like, five, when I was obsessed with Barbie Princess Castle and that sorta shit, and I didn’t even know I was gay back then, and it just sorta built up as I went on. I’m not even sure I like it anymore...it’s just how I thought weddings were supposed to be.”

She gave a little laugh, and Peridot smiled softly. “I think we all were like that at some point or another. Idealistic.”

“Heh. Yeah.”

As they did, Amethyst cleared the table while Peridot brushed her teeth, and Peridot braided a lock of Amethyst’s hair while she brushed her teeth in turn.

Then they set off, with Amethyst at the wheel and Peridot shotgun, silently solving twelve-page physics problems from memory. The radio played smooth jazz, letting Peridot study in peace but also allowing Amethyst’s mind to wander with the beat.

An hour passed and the _Welcome to Beach City_ sign whizzed by in a blur.

“Amethyst?”

“Yeah?”

“Do you remember when we ran away and stayed in a hotel together?”

“You mean the first time?”

“Yes,” Peridot amended, her cheeks reddening — probably at the thought of the other times. “The first time, in high school. When we had our big fight.”

Silence drifted down at that. Amethyst knew why. They had only had one fight. Sure, they disagreed a lot; they were still so different. Sometimes it got to Amethyst on the couch, or Peridot not coming home from the library. But no screaming, dramatic long breakups, awkward readjusting and bottling up the problem. Garnet just said they were good at talking things out. But whenever people found that they had been together for eight years, there was always a spoonful of disbelief, comments on how it was impossible that they never had big fights especially with how different they were. “Fighting is natural between couples,” one older friend even said. “Like sometimes you just hate each other, you know? Trust me. Give it time; I bet you’ll fight eventually.”

Amethyst didn’t want to think like that. Like a time bomb.

“Yeah,” she said neutrally. “I remember.”

“I was thinking again,” Peridot said, fiddling with her watch. “About idealism. Saying that we ran away together after making up, it sounds so romantic and all…but it really wasn’t. It was me crying during How to Train Your Dragon and both of us smelling like hot dogs and pickles because we hadn’t brushed our teeth.”

That memory made her smile a little. “Heh. Sounds right.”

“But...at the same time,” Peridot said slowly, as if searching for words she didn’t have, “it was nice. I didn’t feel guilty about it. I mean, besides the fact that I was running away from the people that wanted to adopt me. But when it was just me and you, it just...it was perfect.”

“Nothing’s _perfect,”_ Amethyst pointed out.

“Of course. But that was pretty close,” Peridot responded. She sighed slowly and leaned back in her seat. “Especially coming home, and being with you and my family together. I think that time was the first time I ever thought, ‘I’ve already gone through hell and back with these people. Whatever the world’s got, we can take it.’ I felt safe.

“Like I know it sounds cheesy, but I was thinking about it,” Peridot continued, “and we all know what they say about biological family lasting forever. And I loved Lin. But my dad’s in prison for how much he loved me, and I trust Daiyu only about as far as I can throw her. But the Yellowtails, you, Steven, Pearl, Garnet...you guys helped me through the most important times in my life, even the parts that weren’t so idealistic and pretty. And — here comes the cheese — you’re my real family. I’ll never forget about that.”

They pulled onto Maple Street, then into Rosewood Court. The polished ancient gates to the manor were wide open. Amethyst parked inside the garage.

“Amethyst?”

She looked to Peridot. The girl was fiddling with her watch, turning it around and around on her wrist, her eyes darting every which way. A deep red blush colored her cheeks and ears.

“A — Amethyst,” Peridot said again, “I wasn’t preparing this. And I’m not entirely sure why I want this. But I really want to ask you something, and I’m nervous.”

“Is it a bad thing?”

“No! I mean, I don’t know. It depends. I’m just nervous.”

“Here. I got you.” Without hesitation, Amethyst turned off the car, got out, and circled to the other side to help Peridot out. Then she hugged her, resting her head on Peridot’s shoulder. At the last possible opportunity, when she had turned eighteen, Peridot had grown two inches, allowing Amethyst to rest like this. It soothed both of them. As Peridot returned the hug, Amethyst kneaded her hands slowly over Peridot’s tense shoulders and back. “Little better?”

She felt Peridot nod. Then a deep sigh, pushing against Amethyst’s chest in their embrace.

“I want to say something poetic,” Peridot whispered. “But it’s not gonna come out right.”

“That’s okay.”

“I know. But I want this to be right. I don’t know. I’m just thinking a lot. This is the kind of thing you tell your kids in ten years and I don’t want it to be just _this._ You typically don’t ask this sort of thing in a garage before a Christmas party. But I want to ask it now.”

Suddenly, Amethyst’s heart started to pound. She shifted her head, her lips almost brushing against Peridot’s cheek, shaping the question that she knew Peridot was about to ask. Peridot inhaled deeply.

“Amethyst, will you…?”

.

The kitchen of Rosewood Manor was mostly peaceful. Pearl, with a smudge of flour on her dark cheek, contentedly mixed chocolate chip cookie dough in a bowl. Garnet, Ruby, and Sapphire sat at the countertop, chatting over tea. Jasper was at the kitchen table, reading the news while one of her six dogs napped at her feet. At the other end of the table, Steven and Connie were decorating a gingerbread house, despite the fact that the twenty-year-old Steven’s hands were larger than the whole house.

Then the side door flew open and Amethyst and Peridot stumbled in. “WE GETTIN’ MARRIED!” they hollered.

Startled, Pearl slipped and dropped her spoon. Steven jumped and the entire gingerbread house crumpled to the ground. Jasper’s old English sheepdog bounded up and bowled into Amethyst, tongue and tail wagging. Ruby yelled, “It’s about time!” And Jasper, never looking up from her book, lifted a mug of coffee and calmly took a sip.

“Good fuckin’ luck,” she muttered.

For the half hour or so after that, the kitchen was a flurry of excitement as questions were asked, most of which Amethyst and Peridot had no definitive answers to. Nevertheless, there was a lot of smiling and laughing and Ruby and Sapphire fussing about rings and traditions and wedding superstitions. And soon later, the doorbell rang and the Yellowtails came in and the excitement started up again. Just as always whenever Peridot came home for a weekend, she and Vidalia became inseparable. As Peridot, Vidalia, and Sour Cream lounged at the counter and rambled about Peridot’s thesis, Vidalia’s new gallery, and Sour Cream’s latest gig at a billionaire’s sweet sixteen, Pearl and Amethyst took the other side of the counter and began whipping up food.

That was how all Rosewood gatherings went. They weren’t glamorous or elaborate as the festivities Pearl always talked about, the ones thrown when the first mistress had been alive. Even still, the oil painting of Steven’s mother hung solemnly in the dining hall, and a similar painting of Steven’s grandmother crumbled away in the attic. The long worn stone path leading from the gates to the house was still covered in snow, with no servants to clear it. As evening fell early and brought with it more snow, Garnet sent Amethyst and Steven out to shovel.

It wasn’t a fancy party, but it was home. And as Amethyst trudged out to the gate with a shovel and turned over her shoulder, she gazed enamored at the soft yellow lights in the windows, at a familiar silhouette wandering in front of the translucent curtain.

Peridot Yellowtail-Espina. Amethyst liked the sound of that.

By the time Amethyst and Steven were done shoveling, the snow was falling so fast that half of the driveway was covered again, so they gave up and rushed inside for hot cocoa and a cheesy Christmas movie (it was Elf again. Why, Amethyst asked, did their household watch Elf every single Christmas).

The rest of the night, people came and went. Greg arrived, then Connie’s parents. Iris and her sisters showed up for beer and foosball before taking Jasper home. A few minutes later, Lapis showed up with Malachite and Alexandrite — Peridot observed keenly that Malachite and Alexandrite were holding hands, so they must’ve made up again. “For,” as Peridot reported in whisper, “the seventh time this year.”

Dinner was served and everyone overate. It was nine P.M. by the time they all finished, as the older adults got tipsy and Steven and Connie — forever young — ran to the kitchen for handfuls of chocolate truffles. At some point, Peridot had wanted to avoid the political topics, so Amethyst found an opening and they both escaped into the living room. It was warm and soothing here, the fire crackling and muffling the sounds of conversation in the dining room. The only other person with them was Ruby, who — like she did at all family gatherings — had too much to eat and drink and had passed out on the loveseat. Amethyst knew that at some point, Sapphire would break away from adult conversation and curl up with Ruby, falling asleep too.

But for now Amethyst and Peridot were alone, left with the long couch and their own food comas.

“Ugh. I never want to see food ever again,” Peridot groaned. “That pecan pie was a total mistake.”

Amethyst tipped over, sprawling over the arm of the couch. “Take it back. The pecan pie was the best.”

“It was good. But now I feel like I’m gonna puke if I move the wrong way.”

“Go poop.”

“Why is that your solution to everything?”

“Be honest. It fixes a lot of problems.”

“I have brought this upon myself,” Peridot sighed, standing up very slowly. “A holy matrimony of gas and potty humor.”

Amethyst grinned and, pleased that her gut was in perfect sync with her sense of humor, let a loud one rip. Groaning, Peridot hobbled off. Then Amethyst was left to watch Ruby snore on the loveseat. Come to think of it, after all she’d ate, a nap didn’t sound half bad…Curled up on her side and watching the fire, Amethyst almost fell asleep.

But just as her eyes closed, something knocked.

Her eyes flew open again. The background noise of the Christmas party continued as normal — the voices downstairs and in the dining room, the clinking of silverware and plates, Ruby’s light snoring. No one else had heard the knocking. Amethyst wondered briefly how could someone get to their door at this time of night, and then remembered that the gates had been left open.

The knocking came again, more insistently this time. Still no one heard. So, rubbing her eyes, Amethyst forced herself up to get it.

Then her heart almost stopped. Miss Allnatt Diamond stood in the doorway, her mouth shaped in a perfect “O”.

She was bundled in a stained fur coat that was too small for her, and her once-immaculate hair was choppy and short and stuffed under a shabby hat, and her eyes were lined with red and cheap, crinkling makeup. Snow stuck to her cheeks, red with frostbite. Both she and Amethyst were frozen.

Then, throwing caution to the wind, Amethyst did what her wrestling coaches and hard experience had taught her. She struck first. “What do you want?” she snapped, gripping the edge of the door. Allnatt’s eyes flicked to her fingers, as if suddenly afraid Amethyst might slam the door in her face. It was a pretty attractive option.

“I…” was all she could get out at first. “I, um, I wish to speak with a resident of this home.”

“Yeah. You’re looking at one.”

Allnatt’s face paled. She straightened up subtly, but it was obvious she was trying to act bigger than she really was. Amethyst looked her in the eye and didn’t turn away; she knew why Allnatt couldn’t meet her gaze. She still had the crescent-shaped scar under her left eye. The same shade of lavender in her hair. She was nearly the same girl that Allnatt had struck across the face all those years ago, but there was a new power in how she held herself. A confidence that wasn’t just blustering. And Allnatt, Amethyst knew, could see it.

“My car broke down nearby, and my phone is out of power,” said Allnatt haltingly. “I…need a way to call for help. If you would please.”

The last phrase came out half-choked. Of course. The mighty Miss Diamond never said please. Her fists still stiff, Amethyst nodded and opened the door wider, letting Allnatt step inside.

But timing could not be worse. Then came the unmistakeable _step-CLANK, step-CLANK, step-CLANK_ of Peridot coming down the stairs, and the girl bounded into the living room humming a generic Christmas carol.

Then Peridot locked eyes with Allnatt, dropped her jaw, and tore out of the room like she’d seen the devil.

No help there.

When Amethyst looked back at Allnatt, she was standing by the fireplace, staring at the mantel. Stone still, but shivering just slightly. The picture she had focused on was a duplicate, the same one that Amethyst and Peridot had on their dresser. Rose and Pearl and Garnet and an infant Amethyst, just adopted. Heat welled up in Amethyst’s chest, and something wanted to grab the woman’s shoulder and tear her away from looking at the picture. She didn’t deserve to look into Amethyst’s life. To step foot in this place. It wasn’t hers to ridicule.

But before Amethyst could act, Pearl and Garnet appeared in the living room door, making Allnatt whirl around as if guilty. “Amethyst, go to the dining room,” Garnet said, but Amethyst did not. For some reason, with Allnatt watching, it felt like defeat. She stepped back, but didn’t leave. Pearl and Garnet didn’t notice.

“Who let you into our house?” asked Pearl. Despite Allnatt’s height, Pearl towered over the older woman. Her blue sari glittered in the firelight; her chin tilted just so. Allnatt, her back hunched under the weight of her jacket, seemed to bow before her.

“A...Amethyst did. I’m sorry to bother you, ma’am. But my car broke down about a mile away; and so many people are out of town, some just wouldn’t help me,” she stammered. “I didn’t know this was your house, I just saw lights on — ”

Her voice rose defensively, but Garnet raised her hand and silenced her. “Ruby is sleeping,” she said. “You really don’t want to explain this to them.”

Ouch. Allnatt’s eyes widened slightly, but she clearly got the message. Her eyes flicked down to the ex-convict on the couch, then back to the kitchen door. The shame flickering across her face when she saw Amethyst still there said enough.

“What’s going on?” came Steven’s voice from inside the kitchen. His face and wispy beard were stained in chocolate. Amethyst had the sudden impulse to wipe it off for him, but as he was a foot taller than her, this wasn’t practical. She just huffed, stepped away from the door, and slumped against the counter.

“My old teacher showed up at the door,” she muttered. “Miss Diamond. The one who punched me in high school, her car broke down and she wants to call for a mechanic. Merry Christmas, motherfuckers.”

Across the kitchen, Dr. Maheswaran called something about watching her language, but nobody paid her attention. Connie came up next to Steven. “That does explain all the screaming and running,” she commented. “I honestly thought Peridot was just losing her mind.”

“Oh yeah? Where’d she go?”

“Hiding in the dining room,” said Steven. “Oh jeez, hope she doesn’t mention this to Malachite. That won’t go over well.”

Amethyst figured that it probably wouldn’t. She sighed and idly reached across the counter to grab a chocolate truffle. “No,” she said. “If you could call this any better. I think I’m just gonna hide with Peridot until she’s gone.”

“Did something happen?” Steven asked.

“To her,” Amethyst told him. Her voice was already low, but she dropped it so only the three of them could hear. “I think...she lost everything. She looks awful.”

Connie’s brow furrowed. “Wait...slow down. Fixing a car costs money. If she’s so poor, how does she think she’s going to pay for that?”

“Pearl,” Steven whispered.

Amethyst and Connie looked at him. “What?” Amethyst said, confused.

Steven practically had stars in his eyes, and he stood straight so fast that he nearly knocked over Mr. Maheswaran, who had been standing obliviously behind him. “Pearl can fix cars! Okay — Amethyst, I know you don’t like that, but…”

“I never said I didn’t like that,” said Amethyst resolutely. She didn’t. But she’d never said it.

“You’re kind of grimacing,” Connie commented.

“But if she’s really struggling, we need to help her,” Steven said. “I’m gonna go tell Pearl.”

“Steven — ” Connie and Amethyst said in tandem, then gave up. That was just Steven. Even through the years, he had never lost the signature optimism that saw the good in everyone.

Amethyst knew it was just in his nature to make a charity offer like that, but it still didn’t settle with her. Resentment bubbled in her chest. Just because Steven got off on good deeds didn’t mean he had to care for _her —_ someone who made her feel like shit for two years. And yes, she felt like that resentment for Steven’s kindness was wrong, but at the same time it felt wrong to accept it. She’d done her time. Now it was Allnatt’s turn. It had to be.

A few minutes after Steven disappeared into the living room, he reappeared with a smile on his face and Pearl and Garnet in tow. “I said I’ll do it,” grumbled Pearl. “Just let me get changed. I can’t believe you dragged me into this, Steven. We are going to have a talk — ”

Just as soon as they came, they exited out the other kitchen door, Pearl still stomping like she did when she wanted everyone to know that she was angry. Soon after, a wide-eyed Peridot appeared in the same door, wringing her hands.

“Amethyst?” Peridot called. “Is she gone?”

Amethyst popped the fourteenth truffle into her mouth and shook her head. Her steps small and light, despite the prosthetic leg, Peridot shuffled to Amethyst’s side and shivered, hugging herself tightly. “Brr. I really, really want the fireplace now, but if that woman’s still in the living room, I think I’d rather sleep in a deep freezer for a night.”

Amethyst didn’t reply. There was a small puddle of water on the countertop and she rubbed her finger in it, pushing it outward, in little loops and circles. “Amethyst?” Peridot asked, softer. “Is something wrong?”

“No,” she said automatically. “Don’t worry about it.” But they both knew what that meant.

When Amethyst finally looked back into the living room, Allnatt was alone. Standing by the fire again. Wadding her gloves in her hands like she was trying to strangle them. Staring, irreverently, at the pictures on the mantel.

“I’m going to talk to her,” Amethyst said quietly. Eyes wide, Peridot grabbed her arm.

“Wait — you’re going to WHAT?! Why?”

“That’s one hell of a question,” Amethyst replied. “Look, I don’t know. I just need to.”

They both looked at their hands, now intertwined. They wore their matching rainbow bracelets, bought for a couple quarters at their last pride. The message would be obvious. Silently, Amethyst nodded, and both girls stepped into the living room.

Allnatt must’ve known she was snooping, because when she noticed them, she quickly backed away from the mantel. Suddenly, Amethyst forgot what she had planned to say. It had been something pithy. Something sarcastic, commenting on how respectable Miss Diamond felt now. But it felt wrong. She hadn’t said anything like that for years.

Instead she forced out, her voice faintly cracking, “It’s been a while.”

Allnatt stood straight, but didn’t look at them. “Seven years,” she murmured. “And you’ve been together all this time, haven’t you?”

Whatever Amethyst and Peridot had been expecting, it wasn’t that. Nor was the soft, bitter chuckle as Allnatt put her hands in her coat pockets.

“And let me guess,” she continued, “you have bright futures, successful jobs, and children on the way. And you came back in here to laugh at me, the old whore who forgot whose house this was.”

Her voice faded into a grumble, resentful and dry, like one of her former students talking back. Unintentionally, Amethyst squeezed Peridot’s hand tighter. “What are you getting at?” she demanded. Allnatt let out a barking laugh.

“I thought it was obvious. I’m drunk off my tits, Amethyst.”

Out of all the things Amethyst expected to ever hear from Allnatt Diamond, this was not one of them. “Oh,” said Peridot softly. Amethyst stepped slightly in front of her, no less on edge.

Allnatt continued, one corner of her mouth tweaked upwards. Her lipstick was smudged on that side, like blood was seeping from between her teeth. “I want to say that you did this to me,” she chuckled. “Nobody will hire me. Not after you. I can’t provide for myself.”

There was a knot in Amethyst’s gut. Peridot pressed close to Amethyst, and Amethyst could hear the quick, staccato pauses in her breath.

“That’s not our fault,” said Amethyst, numb.

“Is it.” It was phrased like a question, but came out like a statement.

“If you wanted your damn job so much, you shouldn’t have abused Amethyst! Have you thought of that?” Peridot snapped.

Allnatt flinched back. Peridot’s voice echoed sharply in the high walls of the living room, causing Ruby to stir in their sleep. All eyes darted over to Ruby until they relaxed again, muttering something about baseball.

“You’re lucky they didn’t wake up,” Peridot hissed, quieter this time. “But it would be your fault if they did.”

Sharply, Allnatt turned away and strode to the bay window, turning her back on Amethyst and Peridot. But they all knew she had nowhere to go, and it was colder by the drafty window, so Allnatt bundled deeper into her coat and pulled her hat over her ears. Her hands were unsteady. Despite the intense heat of the fire, the image sent a chill down Amethyst’s spine.

And then there was Peridot, clasping Amethyst’s hand in both of hers. Grounding her again. “Let’s just leave,” she whispered. “This isn’t going anywhere.”

It wasn’t. But it didn’t feel finished. There were so many questions burning on Amethyst’s tongue, none of them fully formed, few of them even literate. She wanted to ask what happened to Allnatt. Was she still living in Beach City, why hadn’t Amethyst seen her around, what was she doing. Maybe it was out of spite. Maybe she just wanted to laugh at her. She didn’t know. The sight of Allnatt Diamond, cold and destitute amidst the laughter and light of the party, elicited nothing. No emotion. No reaction.

Finally a question came out. “Do you still hate us?”

Silence. Then Allnatt laughed, low and bitter. “Of course. What kind of monster would I be if I didn’t hate you.”

“Wh...what?”

“You know what I mean.” She leaned forward, waving her hand at nothing. “I know what you thought of me. I was the evil teacher. You were the innocent little girls. And you know what?”

Suddenly, her back straightened, but she kept staring out the window.

“I always knew you were right. You were a slut, Amethyst. But you were — you were a good person. And I hated you for it. You did everything wrong. I did everything right. It shouldn’t be possible for someone like you to be loved, while someone like me was only despised. And yet you loved. And you received love. And even after I was fired, you helped me.”

“I didn’t,” said Amethyst. It came out only as a whisper.

“But you did. You carried my boxes for me. And then you forgot about me. I _cannot_ forget,” Allnatt snarled, but only on those words. Then it dropped back down, trembling. “I think about you more than I should. And every time I do, I hate you for it. I can’t make any more sense out of it than you can and I hate it. Nothing has ever gone right for me, and everything has gone right for you. You are despicable. And yet you are perfect.”

“She’s not.”

It was Peridot. Her mouth dry, Amethyst looked to her — she was staring straight at Allnatt, her shoulders set as if ready to fight. Allnatt had turned around and was staring right back.

“She’s not perfect at all,” said Peridot. “And you know what? Nobody cares. It’s got nothing to do with how much we love her. But some of us have recognized that she’s a person and she needs to be respected like one. Even when she messes up. And even when she messes up while trying to fix what she messed up in the first place. But the fact of the matter is, she’s trying. Which is a lot more than you ever did.”

Allnatt’s eyes widened, and she reeled back like Peridot had slapped her. A bad feeling in Amethyst’s gut caused her hand to tighten around Peridot’s, and this time she was the one to whisper, “We should go.”

But Peridot didn’t respond at first, just stayed locked with Allnatt’s gaze. Then, at last, she nodded.

They left Allnatt standing by the window, staring at her own reflection.

Wordless, they decided where to go. They avoided the kitchen, avoided the dining room. Steven tried to ask them how it went, but never got an answer. Hand in hand, they grabbed their coats and a blanket, slipped out the back door, and traipsed out onto the snow-covered porch.

Peridot brushed the layer of snow off the porch swing and they sat, bundling themselves together in the blanket. “This probably isn’t a great idea,” Peridot said. Her words didn’t echo like it did in the living room. The snow ate them up, letting only Amethyst share.

“There are no great ideas,” said Amethyst. “Only great results.”

“I swear that was on a poster somewhere.”

“Nah. I made it up.”

“I can put it on a poster.”

“Go wild.”

They stopped talking and kept sitting. Neither of them were looking at anything in particular. Slowly, white flakes drifted upon everything. The porch swing faced the yard, which was dark, and both of their faces were backlit in blue by the porch light. Their hands were damp from the snow; Peridot ran her cold thumb down Amethyst’s warm cheek.

Just from the few minutes outside, both of their lips were cold. Then they met and it was soft. It was a dance where they barely moved, where their breaths were blue and mingled in the calm air. And then their lips were warm again.

“Peridot,” Amethyst whispered.

“I’m here,” she replied.

“I’m confused,” said Amethyst. “I don’t know what to feel.”

Above the blanket, their fingers wove together. And Peridot kissed her again. “It’s okay,” was all she said. 

It was enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FIN.
> 
> -
> 
> much like amethyst, i don't quite know what to say. like most of the chapters, i post this one long past my bedtime, toeing my self-imposed deadline. i don't know how to feel that i won't do it again.
> 
> i am so infinitely glad that i could share this journey with you guys. there is so much of me in this fic that you could literally track my emotional development in the chapters; it really was special. i loved every minute i spent writing it — okay, maybe that's a lie. but...looking back on this, whatever it is, i don't regret it at all. i thank every single one of you for joining me.
> 
> i'm not done with this universe — not by far. i am still writing adagio for three (yes, after 1 year of silence). and i have too many ficlet ideas to not want to write. SO: if you enjoyed this fic and didn't want it to end, i strongly recommend you subscribe to either me or to the series that this fic is now a part of, "Beach City's a Landlocked Farm Town". the series of oneshots/multishots will be posted in there.
> 
> (p.s. i may or may not post the secret smut chapter(s) in said series.)
> 
> I'm probably going to look back on this shitty closing note and wish i wrote more. but for now, i think i want to just leave you with whatever you take from this ending. 
> 
> thank you all so much. i can't express how special this is to me.
> 
> <3

**Author's Note:**

> feel free to hmu at fortissimohno.tumblr.com and check the tag "#petri dish fanfic" for progress updates and sneak peek content! i always love to hear back from my readers.
> 
> Have an awesome day, friend, thank you for reading and stay in school ;)


End file.
